Chapter Ten — Cauldron Heart
...
"America?"
"HERE!"
"Thank you for screaming America...much APPRECIATED. China?"
"Here. Loud westerners are so annoying."
"Italy?"
"I'm here!"
"France?"
"Here for you mon ami."
"Go fuck a cactus France."
"I've done you, so."
"I don't need to know about your bloody wet dreams —"
"Kol, kol, kol, Russia is present~"
" — So go shove a flaming di — oh yes. Roll call. Russia's here. Japan?"
"Here."
"Hungary?"
"Here!"
"And Austria."
"Sadly present."
"Aren't you forgetting someone England?" Hungary asked feeling like something wasn't right but couldn't remember what it was. England shuffled his papers and sat back down in his own chair. He skimmed the list again. "I don't believe so."
"Canada is here..." Canada said beside America clutching onto his bear.
The air around France and England was thick. There was always an air of dislike, but there was an understood comradeship. It seemed the balance had tipped once again and they were back to doing what they did best. Disagreeing.
Italy looked at the door anxiously for Prussia to arrive. He was going to be there, America and England promised, so why was he late? Prussia would have been early...Italy hugged his coat tighter around him. Moscow was still freezing in the summer.
America glared at Russia, and Russia glared back, but when America turned around Russia's eyes would gaze upon the stitched 50 in sadness. It was stitched, it was permanent.
China didn't want to be there at all. Germany personally was not his problem, but his economy was and so he shared the same worry as the room. China had heard that Germany at the moment was going through an unexplainable phenomenon with its stocks and taxes. Citizens weren't paying them for some reason, the crime rate was rising and they were becoming more outspoken. They were becoming restless and in turn, everyone in the plastic chairs squirmed.
Japan sat next to Italy rigid. He hadn't spoken to Italy at all in the past weeks, and now he was feeling guilty. Because Italy looked worse than before, sad yet normal. Japan wanted to apologize but he noted the melancholy mood and decided now was not ideal.
Italy had, of course, came barreling to him with tears and too many hugs apologizing frantically for "leaving him out and stuff" but Japan didn't take any offense to it. He was a small island nation in the far East, he was not surprised to find out that Italy was immersed in his Western theatrics.
Hungary was daring Prussia to enter the meeting room with a murderous look in her eyes glued to the doorframe. She had a meeting with her boss and to say the man was okay would be lying. She had to go buy a new pan because she was so mad.
Austria was still clueless as to what was really going on. He shouldn't have played his piano and baked all weekend, but the fewer nerves he had the better. Especially if Prussia was rumored to arrive.
Canada sighed into his bear's head. He had spoken with Germany last but no one had heard him at the last meeting.
Canada found Germany's presence not as bad as people made him out to be. Germany showed a strange calmness around him, their conversations flowing smoothly of whatever business they were discussing over. And it was in their first meeting alone that he realized that Germany wasn't a constant angry being. Germany would always explode at the world meetings from the chaos, and it seemed the image just stuck with him.
Germany wasn't a bomb or had extreme irascibility to the point of it being with drudgery, he simply liked order and common sense. And Canada didn't find that to be so bad.
Because once Canada actually sat down and talked to him (once Germany remembered who he is) Germany was a fresh breath of air as he actually took his work seriously and didn't have any notable eccentricities.
The man had a sense of humor, but Canada didn't think Germany realized it. Germany never went out of his way to be funny, yet his monotone voice and candid remarks were quite funny to Canada. And in turn, Canada's pacifistic nature made Germany not have a stroke.
Yes, their meetings, not in great number, were ones of...acquaintances? Germany didn't hate Canada, and Canada didn't hate Germany.
And it was that familiar air of trust that made Ludwig ask something to Matthew one meeting:
"Canada, do you ever wonder why we even exist."
Canada had never pegged Germany to be philosophical. But Canada had responded because he knew he would listen.
"I think all of us do, eh? I think it's something we all eventually think about."
Germany hadn't been appeased from that answer if Canada remembered correctly. If anything, he had seemed more off-put about it.
"Yes, I suppose we all do. But don't you ever think that we are useless? Our government controls us, there are countless of other organizations humans have for government that we cannot attend simply for time sake, and the people don't know about us."
Canada couldn't respond because it had been true. And then, he had started to doubt his existence.
The belief in God, well, that was human-made too. They weren't protectors of their people, they weren't divine beings ever knowing.
"...I don't really know why we're here, but I'm glad that we are. Our life isn't easy, of course...but it's not all bad. We all have something to live for, I think, and whatever that is should be reason enough."
And Germany didn't talk about it again. He simply nodded his head and continued to tell him about the Rio meeting. They didn't do much after that. Germany had to be whisked away on a plane an hour later.
And Canada had tried to tell them all of this in the earlier meeting. He had even stayed afterward, witnessing America and England's great little chat, but Italy didn't notice him. He had been shouting at him but Italy just scoured off once he heard the janitors coming to clean up the room for the closing time.
Canada sighed again and wondered if Prussia really was going to come. Prussia was a good friend of his, he wondered why he hasn't come by and complained like he always does. Canada flickered his gaze towards Italy and pondered what was going on in his head right now. Canada can't recall a time when Italy looked so sad.
"Let's get this started, yes? I don't think I need to say why we are all here," Russia said with a tired smile. He was still sick, the pain of having so much land and so many people ripped away from you was not an easy one to let pass.
America looked ready to jump out of his seat. "I have leads, you guys! I have —"
"Wait. Italy, can you take out the journal and place it in the middle of the table?" China commanded cutting off America.
Italy reached down to his coat and realized that he didn't have it. His eyes widened, and he started panicking.
"Are you okay it —" France asked to deaf ears.
He didn't have it. He didn't have it. He didn't have it. Did he forget? Where was it last night? By his bedside. No, it wasn't. Was it? He put it in this morning, he saw it this morning or was it last night. It was by the garden, did he have it in the garden? He had last night, he knew he did —
America slid the journal towards the center of the table smoothly. The book slid, turned a tad bit to the right, and was proudly displayed to the "world". Italy should have known.
"I thought only Italy was supposed to have the book," Hungary said.
"Yes, America. Why do you have the book?" France asked.
"You didn't steal it did you?" China asked narrowing his eyes.
"Did America break a deal?" Russia asked before coughing. China patted his back but didn't remove his suspicious gaze.
"You better not have bullied Italy into giving it to you, I saw both you and England staying after the meeting to talk to Italy," Hungary said accusingly.
America looked around and waved his hands. "No, no, you have it all wrong! I didn't steal this book, Jesus. Italy came to me for help — tell 'em Italy."
"I did," Italy said lifting his head up from his arms.
America nodded. "See. I didn't steal this book, Italy came to me for help a couple days ago."
"So why were you talking to Italy afterward if you didn't want it?" China asked knowing fully well how America operated.
America looked a bit uncomfortable. "I was just offering my sympathies, dude. No ulterior motive."
Italy furrowed his brows. "No, you asked me if you could have it. You told me, 'fucking give me the —"
"What nice imagination you have!" America said with a shrill voice and a forced laughter.
"I knew it, you were trying to force it out of him," Hungary hissed already in a foul mood.
"So you did steal it," China said smugly.
"Italy, it wasn't just America was it. England was there as well?" France asked kindly.
"England was there too," Italy said not getting what the big deal was. The room was getting colder, the radiation of suspicion directly towards England and America.
"A partner in crime I see," France said to England.
"I had no part in this, frog. Don't think for a second I would try to —"
"But you demanded the book too," Italy said innocently. England glared at Italy, and he sunk down in his seat.
"Oh, so now we have two liars!" Hungary said.
"It would seem so," China agreed.
"Now wait a tick, I only said that because America couldn't straight out ask Italy for the book and the poor sap was getting confused. If I hadn't demanded the book, it would have been a mess," England said trying to defend off the stares.
"So not cool man! Traitor!" America said hurt.
England looked away.
"Trouble in paradise, mon ami?" France asked mockingly. England's eyes flashed an acidic green, the anger brewing within him viscously.
"Japan, you know I wouldn't do that, right?" America pleaded.
Japan looked uncomfortable with everyone looking at him. "I do not see a reason why Italy would lie to us..."
Oh, that hurt. America squawked. "Look I'm not the bad guy here, if everyone's pointing fingers, it should be to Russia!"
"And why do you say that comrade?" Russia said tightly with a sugary, sweet smile.
America placed all of his weight on the table, both his hand flat on the surface. He glared as he leaned forward. "Because we all know you were super butthurt about losing Prussia. Prussia just came back and suddenly Germany is gone? I dunno about you, but that screams abduction to me!"
"Russia's too weak right now to be taking over Germany," China defended.
"Hasn't stopped him before!" America said back.
"I do not know where Germany is. I said it once, and I will say it again. I don't have Germany," Russia said steely. He was glowing purple again, and America radiating the same waves of tension and bitterness.
"Austria, say something," Hungary said elbowing Austria harshly. Austria glanced to Hungary and pushed up his glasses. "I have nothing to say." Hungary shot him a look and returned to the growing voices.
"Do you have proof for that America?" Russia asked.
"I don't need proof, it's obvious —!"
"America, just sit down already," England said.
"No, I will not sit down. I won't sit down until I prove Russia is the one behind this," he said fiercely.
Russia coughed harshly again, and the room winced. The cough seemed to shake through his brittle chest. "Does accusing me satisfy your superiority complex? If I had Germany it would have been on the news already."
"It wouldn't have been on the news, not everything we do is political!"
"Then why do you think I would take comrade Germany?" Russia asked back coldly.
"You're always saying: become one with mother Russia," America began in a terrible Russian accent, "so, I wouldn't be surprised if you actually did kidnap Germany! Right, guys?"
"You do say that a lot," Hungary said neutrally.
"I agree with Hungary," Japan intoned.
"It's a bloody catchphrase at this point," England agreed.
"I disagree with both England and America —"
"Shut the fuck up France."
"Actually, if I remember correctly, wasn't it France who caused World War Two and the separation of the German brothers? Maybe he's still angry?" China asked with a heavy tone. France shifted in his seat. Why did China have to use brothers, why couldn't he have just said Prussia like everyone else?
Something that China said must have snapped into place for America. "Oh yeah! Yeah, looking back at it, that was a really dick move to do, dude. But also, France, you were suuuper pissed off at Germany after World War Two. It was you who wanted to split them up in the first place! Maybe, you never got over it. Maybe this was an inside job," America said with distrust, his blue eyes darkening.
France gasped. "I don't have Monsieur Germany! What use would I have attacking or having him?!" France cried not understanding why he was receiving all the blame.
"Maybe you raped Germany, who knows!" America said.
"Now listen here, France is a disgusting, repulsive twat, but he does not rape other nations," England said in a rare show of defense. France sent England a face of gratitude even if England was scowling heavily and refusing to look at him.
"Okay maybe not, but still! Maybe it was a duel job, you feel? France is close to Germany geographically. France is super bitter and stuff, Russia is bitter and stuff—like World War One, remember?—and the two talk. Russia offers him commie torture plans and bombs! meanwhile, France gives him money. And now the time has come for them to fess up because they have totally been exposed!" America said proudly and surely.
"It is not the most outlandish theory," Austria said with his hands crossed over his lap.
"You can't be serious," Hungary said incredulously.
"What, you don't agree?" America challenged.
"No, I don't. What use do they have for keeping Germany prisoner? If you wanted to torture Germany, it wouldn't be through himself, it would be through Italy you idiots! Italy is the most important thing to Germany, hurt him and you leave him more hurt than any torture session." She saw them slowly understand, their stances one of defeat but not a willing one.
Italy had his head down, his bangs covering up his eyes and his little curl was so dropped down, it almost seemed like his natural hair now.
America seemed to immediately want to shout but let the words sink in. He closed his mouth and sat back down angrily. He crossed his arms over his chest and did not flinch under Russia's gaze or France's smug look.
"Russia did you kidnap Germany? France, are you the one that made Germany disappear? Is what America saying true?" Italy asked softly. Italy fiddled with the button on his jacket and pleaded with his eyes to deny him.
Russia's Amethyst eyes flickered to Italy's hunched form. "I do not have Germany little comrade," Russia swore before lightly coughing.
"Big Brother does not have Monsieur Germany, Italy," France said with honesty.
"He's not lying, he doesn't have Germany," China advocated.
"How can we be sure of this?" England demanded.
"Yeah, Russia. How can we be sure?" America echoed.
Russia's aura was so thick, you could practically taste it. Although Russia's killing intent was high, his eyes looked lost like a child's pleading innocence to its angry father. And with that, Italy decided it was the truth.
Thankfully, France interjected before things became too heated. "America, stop trying put the blame on someone else to escape the fact that you manipulated the journal out of Italy's hand."
"I wouldn't be talking," America said. France stuck his tongue out and turned his head to the side not uttering a word. England told France to quit being a drama queen but France was beyond insulted now.
Russia skimmed the room and saw Canada hunched over in his chair wanting to say something badly. He smiled. "I think comrade Canada has something to say."
Murmurs rang throughout the room. America loosened his arms and looked around. He saw Canada to his left faintly, his figure like a thin ghost. He let out an excited gasp. "Bro! I didn't know you were here, why didn't you say something earlier!"
"I did," Canada said sighing.
"Everyone shut up, Canada's got something to say!" America shouted shushing the room.
"Thanks, Al," Canada said clearing his throat. "I wanted to say that I spoke with Germany before he disappeared last."
No one spoke waiting for Canada to continue in frightening attentiveness. Canada shifted in nervousness. "He asked me something I found weird...something I wouldn't expect him to ask me of all people, but he did and..."
"Well, spit it out," England urged.
"He asked me, and I quote, 'Canada, do you ever wonder why we exist?'. I told him don't we all, but he didn't seem to like that answer. He then went on to tell me that we, personifications, are essentially useless. Government controls us and the people form us. When he put it that way, we are pretty unnecessary, eh?"
"But, but we aren't! We aren't useless!" America defended passionately.
Canada's glasses glimmered underneath the lighting. "But aren't we? What point do we have other than arguing? Take us away and the wars would have still happened. Famine would have still starved the children and the bombs would have still exploded. Only officials know of us, but to the others, we are just humans. Even this meeting, replace us with our presidents and it would be the same, eh?"
"Yeah, but..." America said trying to find a way to rebuttal that pessimistic statement. They were the people...they were...
"Since when do you and Germany talk?" Hungary asked curiously.
Canada shrugged. "He's not as angry as he seems. He is actually quite calm outside the meetings. We were discussing Rio plans and some things with trade."
Hungary hummed absorbing this information.
"So Germany thinks our existence is pointless. Lovely," England muttered.
America widened his eyes. He whipped his head quickly to Italy. "Hey, Italy dude. Tell everyone what you told me on the plane first."
"Tell them what?" Italy asked.
"You know, the thing going on between you and Germany, or the lack thereof."
Italy still didn't seem to recall what America was alluding to.
"Model."
Italy straightened. "Oh! I guess." He turned to face everyone's face. Worried, curious, hurt, angry, bored, apathetic, and expectant all shown through with the same faces of different wisdoms.
Italy laughed a little, his laughter echoing off the walls. "Apparently America thought me and Germany were dating. How silly was that, right?"
Everyone's jaws dropped. Even Austria raised his eyebrows. Japan's voice caught Italy's attention.
"You and Germany were never an...item?" he asked incredulously. He even heard Japan mutter oh shit but it must have been some weird Japanese...
Italy shook his head again confused as to why everyone was making a big deal. "Nope," Italy paused uneasily, "Was Germany...spreading lies?"
The room was immediately brought to life, the switch of panic flicked with a quick hand.
"Oh no! Nothing like that," Hungary said with rapid head nods.
"Of course not. Germany has done nothing of the sort," England reassured.
"That is preposterous," Austria said with a cool face.
"Germany wouldn't do that," Canada agreed.
"Comrade Germany is of the homo?" Russia asked innocently.
"Germany is not homo Russia," China snapped then continued. "But no, Germany hasn't been telling us any of that."
"Ohonhon Germany wishes —"
"Shut it!" England yelled covering his mouth.
Italy furrowed his brows. "Wait, he wishes? Why are you guys so shocked? You guys know something I don't, don't you!" Italy said with watery eyes.
"Of course not, of course not, Italy, France was just being a repulsive frog as always. His words are lesser anyhow so don't pay him any mind," England said smoothly.
"But, but, everyone reacted like America did when I told him that! Why does everyone think we are dating?" Italy asked desperately.
No one spoke. France's mouth was still clamped shut. He wouldn't have spoken if it were gone but at least he had an excuse to not look at Italy directly in the eye and tell him that...
"Canada?" Italy asked his chest heavy. "Did Germany say something about me?"
Canada bit his lip and felt his palms get clammy. The truth was, Germany had spoken of Italy. Numerous times. Mostly it being complaints, complaints with distant sighs of fondness and soft words of longing. It was saddening how much Germany liked Italy yet could never attain him through this thick barrier of whatever it was that separated the two. Canada had tried to ask Switzerland, but his resolved to stay permanently neutral was irritating.
"He did..."
Italy took a quick breath in and leaned in forward, and he could have sworn the others did as well.
"He asked me if I knew why you slept so much, and if your tabby was the reason his cat was so restless all the time..."
Italy's shoulders slumped. That was all? After all, they had been through together, his last words were about his laziness? It stung. It stung in ways Italy couldn't describe. And Italy wondered if he cried would his tears freeze and become crystals, a pretty show for all. Glistening, glimmering, and specular in a freezing summer.
"Oh. Anything else?" Italy asked lifting his head up hopeful again.
Canada felt his heart clenched seeing how desperate Italy was trying to keep his tears from falling or let his emotions get the better of him. And suddenly Canada wished Germany was there. He wished Germany was there so Germany could be the rock to Italy's waterfall of emotions. Because seeing Italy try to detain his emotions was heartbreaking. Italy wasn't supposed to be like this.
"No, I'm sorry," Canada said regretfully.
"Oh...Okay..."
"Actually, I have something to add as well," Austria said.
"Yeah? And what's that?" America asked.
"I do not know if this information holds any real value to any of you, but Germany called me a year ago in regards to my opinion of a good vacation place."
"A vacation?" France asked curiously, England's hand gone.
"Yes. He ringed me up one day and asked me if I knew of any places for cheap. I recommended the Bahamas but he didn't seem too keen on the idea of an island. I wonder why."
Italy and Japan sent each other a knowing look.
"Hey, that is pretty useful. Has anyone talked to the Bahamas lately?" America asked.
Everyone shook their heads negative. Most of them didn't even know how this country looked like.
America frowned slightly. "Well, this sucks. If Germany comes back with a tan, this will be the biggest waste of time ever, and the biggest fuck you ever."
The others mentally agreed.
"Anyone else got some dirt on Germany?" America asked boring his eyes into anyone he deemed to be lying.
"Japan?"
Japan jumped. "Germany hasn't spoken to me privately in thirty-seven years. I don't have anything useful to add America."
"It's fine. I think this problem is more than surface level. Just tell us what he told you back then and then we can decide if it's useful or not."
Hungary and Austria shifted slightly. If only they knew.
"Isn't this an invasion of privacy?" China asked in defense of Japan.
"Like you're one to talk about invasion of privacy," America said with an eye roll.
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
"You monitor everyone like a hawk dude, internet, phone calls, movies, like dude! Chill!"
"How about comrade America shuts up now?" Russia said cheerfully.
China was grateful to Russia but America did not back down. "How about I make you shut up!" America said with a clenched fist. He despised the word comrade. Absolutely loathed it.
"Mon Dieu, get a room already," France said rubbing his head. His head was starting to pound already, from the meeting or from his country, he did not know.
"What?!" America screeched. France winced at his poor ears.
"What's wrong France? Are you going to on strike again, coward?" England sneered as he saw France rubbing his temples and knowing exactly why.
France snapped his eyes open in rage to England's smug face awaiting for a challenge.
"I wouldn't be talking black sheep," France hissed just as harshly.
England flared and the others didn't know whether to break it up or continue on as they brawled. Italy was making patterns with his cold fingers on the table and didn't seem to be paying attention. Violence. It always came down to violence.
"Comrade America needs to control his woman, da?"
China covered his mouth, his long sleeves hiding the wide smile he had on his face. China laughed underneath, but Russia was not joking.
"Three words France. Plains of Abraham," England challenged not hearing Russia's comment.
France leaped out of his chair and knocked England to the ground. America didn't notice England's duel as he was chanting to himself violently: don't punch Russia, he's not communist anymore, don't punch Russia, he's not communist anymore, don't punch Russia, he's not communist anymore, don't punch Russia, he's not communist anymore—
"Wait, is England a girl?" Italy asked taking the meaning literally.
France smirked underneath England, his fist clenching onto England's once crisp dress shirt. "Don't be fooled Italy, black sheep over here has a bra in his bag."
England became so red France did not have enough time to react to the scorching pain he was feeling.
"It would make sense," China muttered.
"England is very flat for a girl," Russia said as if England was really a woman.
"He did wear heels on his boots once," Hungary said pensively.
"He likes to embroider," Austria reminded them all.
"He has small hips," China said as well.
"I AM NOT A BLOODY GIRL!" England shrieked.
America snapped out of his mantra and looked behind him to see the fighting men. "Wait what? England's not a girl!" America said confused.
"Thank you—!"
"America's lied to us once, why should we trust him on this? He said he didn't demand the book, yet it was clear he did. How do we not know that he knows that England is a girl?" France wheezed out.
Japan sighed. It would be right around now that Germany would have yelled and gotten them all back on track. But since he wasn't there, they were doomed to spiral into disorder and untainted chaos.
England banged France's head on the floor. "How about you tell them about what's happening at your place?"
America peered down to France unfazed. "What's up with you?"
"What does France have to do with anything?" Hungary asked.
"Yes, France. Why don't you enlighten the rest?" England said.
"You're the one who said to keep it within my own country, what are playing at —"
"Well now I'm saying to tell them, so speak," England demanded harshly.
"H-Hey, why don't we all calm — calm down," Italy said nervously.
"Veneziano, just sit down," Austria instructed with a condescending tone. Italy looked ashamed and sat back down. Austria had such a deep imprint in his mind, his belt and boxing of ears louder than any castigations he could scream.
"Hey, don't talk to him that way Austria," Hungary snapped.
America screamed and everyone turned their heads to see both he and Russia were on the floor as England and France were. France and England were yelling insults at each other in both English and French, neither one willing to admit they are wrong. Meanwhile, Russia was smiling above America all too pleased and America was livid. America punched Russia in the nose and Russia coughed out blood violently, the blood dripping onto America's white dress shirt in slow droplets from Russia's chapped, rosy lips.
America screamed in anger that his shirt was ruined.
"Well excuse me for trying to help Hungary," Austria said back once they had seen that nothing of importance was occurring.
Hungary pursed her lips annoyed. "That is not helping, Italy feels bad enough as it is. You know, you always treated Italy so badly! You never gave him a break."
"It was discipline! He turned out fine, didn't he? Imagine what it would have been like if he hadn't been under me," Austria argued back.
"A lot better," Hungary said.
"It's fine, I don't really mind —" Italy said trying to make them stop arguing.
"No! You should mind! Austria is not in control of you anymore, he should have no right to speak to you that way," Hungary shot down immediately.
"Well, maybe he should stand up to me. Grow up a bit," Austria said. Hungary parted her lips in surprise. She saw Italy's face flash hurt, and she became even angrier.
"Austria! What is your problem?" She yelled in Hungarian knowing fully well that Austria could understand her.
"What is your issue woman?" Austria said back in German.
The whole room was consumed in yelling. Austria and Hungary were shouting at each other with increasing vigor, Russia and America were both still fighting (but it looked more like a will of who will send the other to the E.R. the quickest from the amount of blood Russia was coughing and wheezing) and England and France were still fighting and hurling insults wondering which one will seep underneath the other's skin deep enough.
There was so much yelling. So much hatred and negatively that Italy turned to Japan for some comfort. He turned to his left and found the seat empty. His eyes swept the room and found him talking with China, the conversation not pleasant from the looks of it. Japan was rigid, his posture no different from normal but different somehow.
Italy could just tell.
Canada for once was grateful that he was invisible because he didn't have to be sucked into the hell hole that is the meeting right now.
The meeting was supposed to be calm...the meeting was supposed to be insightful and a way to discuss the things that the other countries have gathered over the weeks. It was supposed to be the meeting Italy was going to share what he had read and hopefully have some useful commentary on further entries in the book.
But no. Instead, here they are fighting over differences that ran thousands of years old and accusations that happened in the past for a chance to feel superior. No one was talking about the crisis in the land of Germany or how to fix the diminishing economic support the Germans had over the EU.
They were on the ground, yelling and screaming like stupid, little children.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is this about war?" America asked overhearing a part of England and France's conversation.
The room died down, the murmurs fading away once again at the mention of war.
"War?" China asked looking away from the stone-faced Japan.
"Why don't you explain to them What your plan was?" England said in English again so everyone could understand.
France exhaled angrily. "I said to stop twisting my words! I never said I was going to go to war with anyone!" France's shout now seemed too loud.
"What are you, scared?" England taunted.
France let out a cry of frustration. "Non, just listen to me you stubborn browed pig! If you don't take this seriously, there will be war whether you like it or not! People share ideas quickly, and once your stupid media catches onto it, it will be too late to extinguish the flame."
England looked away. He will not have blood sullied on his hands, on his name.
"No such thing will happen. If you keep it under control this won't happen, but I'm starting to think that you want this to happen."
France gaped truly shocked. "I—I. I would never! I'm broke, I can't afford to go to war!" France cried.
"Wait, so France, you want to wage a war because that's like a total no no dude," America said shoving off Russia easily to jump up from the floor. Russia crumbled on the floor in the mixed pool of red and coughed, his vision getting blurry and his ribs aching. It felt as if someone was stabbing shards of glass into his lungs and every movement was a push further into his frail ribs.
China rushed over to help him asking him if he was okay and where it hurt. Russia kept on saying everywhere, everywhere hurts and make it better, make it better.
"Oh, my go — I don't want to wage a war!" France screamed frustrated.
"Good because you will not go to war," America said forcefully.
And for some reason, that made France mad. America wasn't even part of Europe, he has never wanted to help Europe in the past. World War One, World War Two, they had pleaded for his help but he had been too busy laughing with his Hollywood babes while they sewed together missing body parts and poked at their ribs through their torn uniforms. He had no right to tell him if he should go to war or not, he had no —
"And what if I do?" France challenged.
"Good one France!" America laughed and waved his hand.
"Listen to America France, don't make this harder than it should be," England said from above, his eyes dangerous.
"Call me dumb, but what is it that we are threatening France's life with?" Hungary asked.
"I'll tell you what it is," England said before France could answer, "France over here has a little rebellion going on his country. A rebellion that is taking stances against his own government. They are calling for major changes not only for the country but for the ECSC and EEC as well. Talk about possible succession and all that because of Germany's economy that seems to be going down the shithole lately. Take that and add existing tensions in Alsace-Moselle, you have both French and Germanic citizens butting heads and throwing bloody paddies. The Germans getting moodier and testier than before — not paying taxes and generally feeling like a hormonal teenage girl, and the snail-lickers getting angry for the sake of it."
France was actually impressed. He didn't think England was up to date on the issues of his countries to such extent.
"Succession? Oh no, oh no. France keep it in your country!" Hungary warned in fear of it spreading through Europe. It was always so easy to spark a war with humans, it only took a shove to get people riled up.
"Maybe we should take a break..." Canada said quietly.
No one heard his soft words. "It would be wise for France to not screw up," Austria said tightly. He was already stingy as it was.
"No one asked for your opinion you broke tart," Hungary said with anger still in her veins.
"Excuse me?" Austria said with clenched teeth.
"You are excused, don't let the door hit ya," Hungary bit back, the other nations scooting away from the couple. Their chairs scraped as they moved to one side of the room.
"Shouldn't we, like, stop them from killing each other?" America asked.
England waved a hand. "They will be fine."
"Okay, I guess we can just have the rest of the meeting over here so they can resolve their...sexual tension or whatever," America said bored. He then brightened up. "Alright! Anyone have any ideas as to what to do next!"
"How about methods to fix Germany's economy," China said.
"The Germans need l'amour," France said with a smile.
"That is your answer for everything, frog! We need actual answers," England said crossly.
"Why is the economy so bad in Germany right now?" Russia asked wincing.
They looked to France. He sighed feeling the age he actually was.
"We have to remember that you can't just unify a country overnight. Prussia — Eastern Germany — is still severely poor and behind because of communism. They have to be caught up from the forty-something years they basically missed, and in a sense, they are 'dragging' down the country. There is nothing Khol wants more than to integrate the eastern Germans back, so that will always be one of his main priorities...Now as for the country as a whole, my best guess is that they feel something weird within their own borders, the presence of Germany in a way gone. They are becoming anxious and fearful that something isn't right. Many are taking their stocks out, getting suspicious of the government itself, and looking to blame another country. But they cannot act upon the want for war, non? Imagine how bad that would look for them, another war started by Germans. They want to fight something they do not know what for or why, and in turn, simply cannot afford to fight."
It hasn't stopped humans before, China wanted to say but didn't.
"Hey, China. Has a personification ever abandoned a country without the people's consent? Like going rogue in a way?" America asked.
China thought about it. He scavenged his brain and thought back to all of the years he's been alive. He couldn't recall a time when a fellow being has ever acted negatively to its people on purpose. It was true that they had separate thoughts of their own not influenced by the time, but it was still within a set ideology. Their actions, for the most part, were for what they believed was for the good of the nation. Ethics, well, that was debatable.
But to purposely cause harm to its own people? No nation wanted that. It would, in turn, cause them suffering. A ruler, a king, well that was different. That human didn't feel the shouts, the impalements, the cries of agony, the pain of suffering, the beheadings, the curses, the despair, the moans of the dead—they didn't feel it resonate through their lungs and through their privileged bones. They felt them, but them did not feel they.
Germany, Italy, America, Indonesia, Australia, Cuba, Vietnam — throw a dart at any country on the map and they will all be the same. Germany (Ludwig), America (Alfred), Italy Veneziano (Feliciano), it didn't matter. They were the embodiments of culture, the only things humans can carry on with them to the grave and call it immortality. To remove one of them, would be in a sense, losing a sense of identity, China realized.
And America had realized it too. He realized that by Germany not being there within his country doing German things among the populace of a shared ideology, the people were losing the sense of what they were. They felt lost, a hole they didn't know needed to be filled.
And Prussia still exists, meaning that a large enough group still identify as Prussian. What of them?
"I don't think so," China said.
"Just like Germany to do something daring," Russia muttered.
"So what does this mean?" Italy asked startling the group. They almost forgot he was there from his lack of participation or general annoyances.
"It means, Italy, that if we don't find Germany soon, the Germans are gonna get real broody and angsty, not knowing what they stand for and why they stand for it. I'm talking about real anarchy dude, not the whatever England was spouting out a couple years ago," America said seriously.
Everyone's face turned grave. They still heard Austria and Hungary arguing with each other.
"Prussia's not coming is he," Italy said finally looking down at the table.
"You never know Italy, he might just be running late —" America said trying to not make Italy feel worse. It didn't work.
"He's not coming. You just said that to make me feel better," Italy said bitterly, finally showing the cold emotion that had been stirring within him since the beginning of this meeting.
"Hey, that's not true. I really thought Prussia was gonna make it, he will be here any second, I swear —"
"America, how dumb do you think I am? How dumb do you all think I am? I know you lied to me and that he's not coming," Italy said shutting his eyes and wishing he was back home with Romano and inhaling the scent of his brother's smell of gardening and spices. He wanted it so badly and Italy's treacherous mind brought back the memories of Germany crying by the gray wall among others swearing he could hear a sweet voice on the other side and not blood-curdling screams of people painting the wall red as they were shot down.
It made him feel so, so, so much worse but it did not stop his wanting.
"Italy," America began feeling awful.
America flickered his gaze to the journal and wondered when it had become larger than life. Under the lights, crooked in the center of the large table meant for many, it looked like a normal book. Useless, pointless if you could not read, and its words a blessing or curse for those who can read it.
Austria and Hungary continued to argue until they were both standing up and screaming at each other. Their arguing had been turbulent background noise, a buzzing sound in the back of the dull room.
"Shut up Austria! Just shut up! You don't know what you're talking about!" Hungary said breathing heavily.
"Do I not? Do you really believe in your heart that I do not know what I am talking about?" Austria said looking uncharacteristically intimidating.
"You don't know anything, you've always been like this — unwilling to listen to anyone that doesn't follow your opinion!" Hungary said while shaking her head, her curls flying behind her back.
"Were you there personally Hungary to see him bleeding and wanting death? Broken bones, broken will —were you there to witness his last breath, his heart failing more than one occasion to the point it was normal —"
The others weren't sure who they were talking about anymore.
"I didn't need to be there to know what happened, do you think I didn't know what happened? Are you forgetting that I was just as involved as you were —"
The door slammed open, the sound stopping Hungary and Austria from arguing. The sound echoed throughout the room, and both Hungary and Austria opened their mouths in shock. The open door brought in a draft of cold air despite the heater being on full blast. The cold draft slithered around the round, making the chilling anxiety of Italy have a wonderful companion.
He wasn't supposed to be here. He wasn't supposed to actually show up.
"What's up brohas!" Prussia said cheerfully walking into the silent room not questioning why everyone's eyes were following his broad figure so attentively. He saw that Austria and Hungary looked completely pale and thunderstruck, Hungary's eyes feeling betrayed. Hungary swallowed and met Austria eyes in want to not meet Prussia's.
They were closest to the entrance, the others on the far side of the room, far away from Hungary and Austria. He saw his little brother's journal at the center of the table and not in one of the country's tight little hands. He smiled and wondered why everyone was being so quiet. He noted with delight that Russia looked quite beat up and in turn, America looked like he had seen better days. France and England were not surprisingly scuffled up if the bruise on France's cheek counted for anything.
Prussia scratched his head. "This is meeting, right? This isn't some kind gang bang I've walked into?"
Prussia had snow on his scarf, Italy noticed. He had small white flakes on his white scarf, white hair, and had black gloves on. His cheeks were tinted red and his nose was flushed a bit as well.
Italy looked out the large window and in fascination, saw that it was snowing violently outside, the blobs of people walking unfazed by the accumulating white. Snowing in July... snowing in July...
He didn't dwell on it long as he got up and barreled to Prussia elated.
"Prussia! You made it, you made it! I thought you weren't coming," Italy greeted hugging Prussia tight, his warm cheek feeling the cold material of his black coat. Italy felt himself be patted and looked up to see Prussia's smiling face.
"Yep, I made it. It was a bitch to get here, I had to force the pussy pilot to keep on flying because of the 'dangerous snow storms' that were on the way apparently. But this is Moscow—when the hell is there not a dangerous snowstorm," Prussia said laughing.
"Wow," Italy said feeling his mood lift. To go through the trouble for a meeting was incredible to him. He would have been so scared if he were on a plane and then told that there was a snow storm! He guessed he owed America an apology.
But America didn't seem too down on it. If anything he looked just as surprised as Italy. Italy wondered why that was.
"Prussia...why are you here?" Hungary asked after getting over the fact that yes, Prussia is indeed attending this meeting as Germany's replacement officially.
"Because it's a G8 meeting," Prussia answered.
"But you've never attended any other meetings."
"Well, now I am. Do you have a problem with it or something?" It wasn't said with attitude, it was more of a question of curiosity.
"No, but it's so unlike you Prussia. To chose now of all times."
"And why is right now a bad time?"
"Prussia, you know why right now is a bad time," Hungary said in a darker tone.
"Is it just me or does Hungary seem really pissed today?" America whispered to England.
"Hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned, America," was all England said back.
"But it's like she has dirt on everyone. I told ya she was suspicious..."
"Nope, I actually don't Hungary! Want to tell everyone what's on your mind so we can all understand?" Prussia said jovially, daring her to reveal the secret to Italy.
Hungary didn't respond and Italy became confused. "What's so bad about Prussia coming, Hungary?"
Hungary couldn't do it. Answer to that face that she knew could break so easily. She couldn't blame Italy, for wanting to know what everyone else wanted to know, but she can't divulge him. She can't divulge him many things—the things she knows having to be taken to her grave. (If she is ever lucky to have such a day).
"Nothing. Prussia is just really annoying," Hungary said in hopes that Italy wouldn't question it further.
And Italy didn't.
The air around Austria, Hungary, and Prussia became thick to everyone except Italy. Italy was just happy Prussia was there.
"So, what did I miss?" Prussia asked sitting down. Italy realized for the first time that this wasn't just Prussia arriving at a meeting late, it was his first meeting ever. The agreements, the talks, the signatures of back then—they were all made to make sure this moment would never happen. Prussia wasn't supposed to be sitting next to them as equals, yet here he was.
The other nations decided that hiding in a corner wasn't a good idea anyway and shuffled back.
"Birdie! Where's your thousand pounds of syrup and mountain hat?"
Canada smiled and greeted Prussia. "Hey, Gilbert. Also, fuck you."
Prussia laughed, and America watched this exchanged not sure how to feel.
"But for real, what the hell did I miss," Prussia said.
"Oh you know, the same old same old. France is going to start a war, England threw a bitch fit about it, we don't know if England's a boy or not so we'll get back to you on that one, Russia was a being a commun — I mean, a little piece of shit as always, and I think Austria and Hungary were giving each other bedroom eyes," America summarized horribly.
"For the love of. That is not how you use bedroom eyes America," England said with exasperation.
"You don't know thaaat," America whined.
"France is going to start what now?" Prussia asked.
"Stop saying lies! I am not going to start a war!" France said fed up with everyone.
"Explain," Prussia demanded.
Being tired of explaining this for the third time France told him what he had said to the others before more curtly. France was more nervous to tell Prussia, though—his curtness a way to hide his nerves. If it had been Germany, that would have been a different story.
Germany did not punch people in the middle of things he did not like to hear or growl like a feral cat when you spoke wrongly. Germany's anger was more subdued, only ever coming out in quick bursts, by the time you realized he was pissed it being too late.
But Prussia was passionate and wild...and with a real government to support him, it was no shock to the others as to why France sounded more nervous. Friends, France decided, were not for the gray table.
"That doesn't sound like your fault, though. Do you want to succeed?" Prussia asked.
"Of course not, but these idiots keep trying to make it seem like I want this to happen. I was simply warning them to be careful, to not let this become out of hand in their own countries," France said glad that Prussia saw things his way.
"Then I guess that's all that matters."
"Didn't you have leads, America?" France asked remembering that he had been cut off.
"Oh yeah! I did you guys. This past week, Italy and I have been trying to figure out what to do with the Schwartz family, right?"
"America, they don't know anything but what from happened last time we met. You're going to have to explain from the beginning," England reminded.
"Oh, that's right. I think Italy can say it best then," America said turning the spotlight to Italy.
"I think Prussia knows more, he is the one to tell me to go to America," Italy said airily.
"Naw, I think they want to hear it from you Italy," Prussia said.
"Oh okay," Italy began, "I've read seven entries already, two with America. One day reading the entries gave me the idea to go to Germany's house personally to get clues, and Prussia let me in. I looked through and found a contact book. One of the names was in English and I don't know, just stood out. I called the number and the person was really mean! His name was Gernot and told me to find this guy Holger Amster. I looked through phone books, Germany's phone books, but couldn't find anything more recent than in the sixties!"
"So, I asked Prussia what I should do, because Prussia always seems to know what to do, and he told me to go ask America. But I was kinda scared, I didn't want to ask him because he was kinda scary in the last meeting, but America wasn't that bad after all! He's actually nice, and he helped me find out that F.B.I. isn't the police apparently and that the FBI doesn't break into your house, and —"
"Okay, dude I can take it from here," America said in case Italy messed up any of the important information they had discovered recently.
"So me and Italy, mainly me, looked up who this Holger dude was. Apparently, in the states, he's a fictional character in a movie written by some German guy in the sixties in honor of his best friend who served in The War. I looked deeper into this director guy and found that he had traces back to the Schwartz family, the guy's best friend and mean guy Italy talked to over the phone with. Yep, yep. And Italy already knew her making things even better!"
Italy wondered how America knew that Italy had seen her before. Was he that obvious or was America that observation?
"So apparently according to her, she is related to the Schwartz family through her sister, who is married to the guy Italy talked with. Holger Amster was her cousin in law, Gernot's side of the family to simply things. He, Holger has this crazy sister named Cornelia, and after this meeting, me and Italy were going to go talk to her. There is some obvious beef between this Schwartz family as they all hate Germany. We also find out that she's providing money to someone in psychiatric care, and this person has been there for a while from the looks of it."
"She sounded really freaked out when calling this person, really scared about the government coming after her even though they are on her tail as we speak. She mentioned Germany twice in fear. She used him as a reference point to something really tragic—as if he was a victim or something. We'll get back to ya on that, we don't really know much either," America stopped talking factually and turned to Italy.
"By the way, how did you know the chick?"
"I met her on the airplane back to home. We chatted," Italy said.
"What's this girl's name? I can probably find her," Prussia said not much afterward.
"Which ones?" America asked.
"The one with the F.B.I. or whatever."
"Elliot Juliana Lechmann. Not married and her sister is Eva Schwartz. Eva is married to Gernot Schwartz."
"Interesting," Prussia said.
"Do you know any of them?" France asked.
"Nope," Prussia said popping the p.
"Weren't you talking to that one girl named Rose —" Canada began casually from a conversion he had once with Prussia.
Prussia sent Canada such a dark glare that Canada sunk down in his seat behind Kumajirou to avoid the threatening waves from Prussia's demonic eyes. "Maple..."
"Who?" England asked curiously.
"Just some chick I met at the bar. No one important."
"Was she hot?" America asked.
"She's dead."
"Yeah, but was she bangin' or—"
"America, take the bloody hint," England said in irritation. America pouted.
Rose... Rose...Rose...the name was on the tip of Italy's tongue. He was trying to recall where he had heard such a name recently...why was this brain so bad at remembering important things?
Prussia watched Italy furrow his brows and he cursed in his head. He saw Canada still hiding behind his bear and sighed internally. What was said was said, it was up to Italy to decide what to do with that information. Italy, Prussia knew, was not dumb. He could piece things together quickly and ideas that seem absurd are sometimes the only that work.
"Are we forgetting that Germany's economy is a wreck?" China asked forcefully trying to get to the point he was there for.
"Dude, chill with the economy already! There is some serious angst going on here," America said.
China hit his head on the table. "I 'ive 'p," China mumbled face down.
"Oh yes, how are we going to fix that?" England asked wishing he had a painkiller for his head. Another reason Germany was missed. He had plenty to spare.
Prussia surprisingly didn't seem at all worried. He waved off the worry with his hand and a cocky smirk. "Don't worry about that, it's not a big deal."
"Not a big deal!" Hungary said unbelievingly. "How is this not a big deal? People are losing jobs, Prussia!"
Prussia placed his palm on his cheek. "I know."
No one really knew how to react. One thought was shared by all of them.
What the fuck is going on?
"Okay, maybe you don't care, but the rest of us do," England bit out.
"Don't worry so much England, it will be fine! Italy's gonna find my lil bro before the world explodes, right?" Prussia said with such faith that Italy felt more worry than happiness.
"R-Right," Italy said feeling sick. It was no longer him trying to find Germany because he wants to and misses him, it's quickly morphing into a necessity. The fate of Europe, it seemed, was tipping on its fragile axis all too quickly on a weak base. Italy...this was his chance to prove he was useful...he could prove he wasn't as weak as he looked...
England looked unimpressed. Italy would have been too if he were looking at himself.
"That's fine and dandy, but we need things that will work with certainty —"
"Are you doubting Italy's skills? Cuz I don't. You shouldn't either, England," Prussia said patting Italy's back almost making him stumble over.
England did not like the game Prussia was playing at. He was trying to guilt trip him. By making him openly admit he had no faith in Italy, he would immediately be labeled as the bad guy in a sense. It wouldn't be part of their commutative support for the little guy, it would be mean. It would go against Prussia (Germany he supposed) directly and that's exactly what they're trying to "save." But England had an inkling suspension that no one needed saving.
Oh no, someone shun him for his straying thoughts! Someone shush him for believing that Prussia was doing this on purpose!
England felt as though all the nations felt it. The air of superficiality around the show Prussia is displaying. Something didn't taste right, something wasn't adding up. But just what it was, is something England cannot decipher by action alone.
"Hungary, you look like you want to say something," Prussia said.
Hungary gritted her teeth. She smiled. "I don't actually, but thanks for asking."
"Naw, you looked like you really wanted to say something," Prussia insisted.
"And I said I don't," Hungary said with a warning.
"How about reading an entry?" America said eager to clear the dense atmosphere.
"You guys haven't read an entry yet?" Prussia asked surprised.
America moved to retrieve the book. "We've been busy, dude." America stood on one end of the table. "Alright, who wants to read? Italy did it last time, and I've already read some with Italy, so who wants to read."
"I want to read, pass it to me America," Hungary said excitedly.
"How about someone other than Hungary—someone not as unawesome as that she-man," Prussia said immediately after.
"What? What's wrong with me reading?" Hungary asked the hostility around her not even surprising anymore.
"Someone else should do it," Prussia said childishly.
"But you're not even giving any reasons —"
"I don't like your voice. There, there's your reason."
"Ugh fine, I don't even know why I bother," Hungary said.
America didn't bat an eye at the exchange. "Anyone else?"
"I will," Austria volunteered.
"How about nooooo," Prussia denied.
"What's your deal with Austria?" Hungary asked.
"I don't want him to read. He's not awesome enough."
"Okay," Hungary began, "then who is awesome enough to read?"
"Hmmm, Japan should!"
America turned to Japan and titled his head to the right. He asked the silent question through the slight lift of his brow.
"Ano, I am not very good at reading German, I do not think this is a good idea," Japan fretted.
"Bullshit, you'll be just fine! Besides, West likes ya," Prussia said.
But we were once enemies, Japan wanted to say but didn't. Prussia worded that phrase oddly — as if Hungary or Austria wasn't liked by Germany, Japan thought as well once he sees that his face of uncomfortableness wasn't going to make Prussia feel anything. He didn't want to read but America's heavy footsteps were already coming nearer towards him.
He felt the weight enter his palms uninvited. "I can't read German..." Japan tried again.
"Meh, you can read Dutch right? It's like the same thing," America said.
"No, it's really not," England said sighing.
"Prussia, why don't you just read it?" Russia asked tired of the hopping of names.
Prussia looked scandalized. "Me?"
"Da."
Prussia pretended to think. "Oh, let me think about it. Nope. Besides, who brought this again~?"
"You did," Russia said with a hoarse voice. He refused to go to the hospital, he was not weak.
Prussia always thought he would feel satisfaction flow his veins hotly at the sight of Russia destroyed and so little, but Russia was just as tall and just as small as he has always been. It's now, with red trails on his white scarf, that Prussia realizes that Russia will never be great. His lands unwanted, his temper feared, his people ugly, the men divided, and with the history of despair to haunt them, it came to no surprise to any that Prussia felt foolishly empathetic to Russia. They were the same age yet Russia seemed to always be two centuries younger, three centuries crueler.
He was snapped out of his daze when Canada spoke next to him.
"I'll read..." Canada offered knowing German fluently and being the only one other than Japan on Prussia's good side.
"Oh hey, Birdie wants to do it, America!"
America turned around, his back now facing Japan, and Japan being more relieved than he would've thought, and handed the entry to Canada. He turned to the latest entry and whispered something to Canada's ear. Canada shot America a dirty look and America sat back in his seat beside England.
Canada's voice echoed clearly through the warm room, the snow outside a fantasia.
09. November 1936
"When I was a child, I used to play with a Jewish boy. I didn't know he was Jewish. He seemed to like me regardless. He was older than me—I was one year 'younger' when he was eight.
He was the son of a banker Brother trusted very much, and the family lived far from us. We visited their estate only a few times, and if not for their odd candles and the Torah, I would have assumed them to be as every other person in the land. Brother talked with this man a lot, and the man brought his son a lot, and I suppose that is the closest thing I've had to a friend before."
The word Italy was scratched out sloppily.
"We didn't speak much. He deemed me too small to understand. He was allergic to dogs and could not be around Blackie for very long without getting a swollen face like a plump cherry. I felt bad for him, but mostly I felt bad for myself. We had nothing to talk about. But we found 'friendship' through action, taunting and dares—those adventures equalling something in our minds.
We would go out, do reckless things for the sake of being reckless, and I would feel guilty for disobeying Brother, and yet on the other hand, glad I was gaining the approval of someone my own age. Every time they would leave I would ask Brother when they were coming back and Brother just said he was glad I was making friends.
But we weren't. One day he said that he was moving away. I didn't know where to, and I asked him where he was going more out of curiosity than something of sadness, and he said he didn't know either. It was quiet I remember, the view of grass offaly lonely even if we were right beside each other. He told me that he hated me. He hated me with all the anger a child could hold and kicked me in the shin with all his might.
I was more surprised than hurt when he kicked me, and when I got back up he had a look of pure terror of what he had just done. His lips quivered, his hands shook not sure of themselves, and his shadow was large over me.
I asked him why. I didn't hate him.
I don't remember why he hated me specifically, I just know that his reasons were hurtful. I couldn't come up with reasons to hate him so I attacked him for something he could not control. I felt a hatred quickly consume me, my anger not towards his religion, but for what he had said to me. And maybe I proved to be everything he said I was, proving by denying and denying by proving. But I said it. In the end, he was blue, and I was bruised, and we were both confused as to what had really happened. He walked away saying he hopes that I go drown, and I thought that was stupid since I knew how to swim and he didn't.
They left and when I finally decided to tell Brother many weeks after, I decided with absolute certainty that Jews were stupid and mean. Spain didn't like them, England didn't like them, France didn't like them, Austria didn't like them, Russia didn't like them—why should I? And I received such a harsh boxing from Brother that day that I can't quite remember what he said, but how he said it. I wasn't allowed to go out riding and I was forced to work on my studies...
I wish now that I had recorded more of my childhood because my memory is getting hazy. I don't want to forget...I don't want to forget...
Adolf is like that boy. I mentioned Adolf in my last entry—"
Canada stopped reading when the book was torn out of his hands. "What are you —"
"How about we take a break!" America said. America glanced at Italy and immediately looked away. Although America did not meet Italy's gaze, he felt the stare through his jacket, through his stained dress shirt, and through his skin.
"America?" Canada voiced confused.
"I would be careful with that," Prussia warned darkly. America placed it down quickly.
"We've been here for an hour, waaay too long. How about we take a break? I'm starving!" America continued with a forcing smile.
"At least finish the entry," Hungary said.
"I agree with Hungary," Japan said.
"That was rude, da?" Russia said smiling.
"Let him continue —" China was cut off as America sighed dramatically, his battle lost. "Fine!" America said it, his words were heard by others, yet his words were hollow in his own ears.
Canada took the book again and grabbed the cold material skeptically. "Okay..."
"— and that one day I will be like him as well.
Adolf likes his privacy. He keeps a smile when I shake his hand painted with blood and speaks in generalities. He's reckless and hard-headed and troubl. His ideas are marvelous! He speaks of great things, I know he will do great things.
He revoked the citizenship of the Jewish population...I feel as though this is for the best in a way. The Jews, Adolf says to me, will be taken care of accordingly. I do not know where or how he plans to correct them but he hasn't failed me so far.
Silly Brother. He still doesn't believe Adolf is good for me. Can't he see the great things he's doing? Not everything he does is agreeable of course, but I have a duty to do.
There is talk of war on the horizon, and I absolutely loathe the. War? I am more than ready for war. I have faith that we will win.
I'll admit, the music Adolf allows is dull. In a way, I am jealous of America in that sense. In poverty, but free to dance to a beat unrestrained.
I had a dream last night. Maybe it was a warning, maybe it was a fortune. Searching for a summer I could not recall, I had a vivid image of a figure clutching onto his neck as he screamed with no voice, his soft neck bandaged. Orthodox, correct, I would not expect anything less. A feeling of hope, a feeling of terror, I for a moment had replaced it with an old fear of mine. Lovely the night was, but isn't the night always clear under the sky? Obtuse it is, blurry it will always be. No, by the time I awoke sweating, I realized it was something else. Evanescent her body was, my psyche will not let me forget..."
"Ohonhon," France laughed perversely. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and although England hit him, the smack lightened the mood.
"Has Germany finally gone barmy?" England asked.
Canada blushed. Germany was a virgin right? Canada looked to Prussia and he seemed to be highly interested in clicking his pen as many times he could, the click, click, click gaining speed and then pausing as if the tune was not right.
"To be fair, this whole thing is kinda weird. Is Germany usually this sporadic?" Canada asked Italy.
"America would know all about it," Italy sang.
All eyes directed to America. "Ha...Hahahahah," America laughed nervously. "Whatcha talkin' 'bout little dude?"
"America knows! He knows everything and reads a lot of things, he's very knowledgeable."
"R-Riiiight. With you of course," America said.
"Of course," Italy said.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Aren't you going to answer?" Italy asked tilting his head. He had his eyes shut.
"No," said America. "He's not always like this but you know. Nazi and stuff."
"I'm just gonna keep reading..." Canada said in confusion to Italy's tight smile. France whispered something to England and England crossed his arms frowning.
"After fetching Adolf's medications, he seemed extremely irritable. He went off on a twenty-minute rant about the French, Russians, and who knows what else. The topic eventually came back to homosexuality as he seemed to like my ears rather than my mouth. He is adamant on gays being condemned to complete suffering and I politely disagreed. I know that Himmler does not swing the 'right' way, as do many others.
He was beyond scandalized and outraged. I suppose he had a right to, it wasn't 'right', but I wonder what his customers from Vienna would say. He screamed, and I argued. This was the first time our opinions clashed so violently. It blew out of proportion and eventually I was branded a traitor and Anti-Christ.
That was a month ago. Hitler in a much better mood these days. Medications do that to people, make them irritable. I fully expected for things to return to normal. I would sit at my desk and work, but he kept demanding where my wife was. Wife? A human wife? I told him we don't have wives, we just don't. He growled, his heavy boots walking away, and I felt annoyed.
Day. After. Day.
'Where's your woman?'
'Have a wife yet?'
'Ludwig, strip...No breasts...but I see a pussy right in front of me.'
'Give this message to Mrs. Beilschmidt. Yes, there is one Ludwig, I said so.'
And variations of that sentence with more threats and slurs. Dinner parties, concerts, outings, phone calls at eleven at night—it's driving me mad! I am not homosexual (I'm really NOT) I just admire. Admiration is natural, right? I look at a man and sometimes think: he is a good looking man. From an analytical perspective. A consensus can be drawn, a study can prove it (golden ratios and all that) and is it only then, under the name of science, will it be considered genius? Woman, man, it is all the same...I know Adolf knows this, but I am Germany and he is the Führer...
Brother must have noticed my mood because he invited (forced) me to go out for drinks. This was nothing new, I just wish Brother would not compete with me every time we go out...I always win...But that victory came with a price this time around. I did not know alcohol poisoning was possible for nations.
But it is.
I woke up feeling horrible and sluggish, the unfamiliar room too bright and Brother's body next to mine breathing deeply and rhythmically. I threw up (multiple times) and the clothes on the floor had been picked up by the time I exited the bathroom.
Brother is a neat freak like that. He was gone and I spent most of my morning moaning and cursing the light in the bathroom. It was a hotel I realized once I was conscious and well, and I also realized that Brother had left without saying goodbye. I assumed it was an emergency call. Either way, lesson learned.
...But it had been fun. And if I'm honest, it probably won't be the last time."
"End of entry," Canada said. "Hey America, Japan could have read this. It wasn't even in German."
America whipped his head surprised. "It wasn't?"
Canada shook his head. "Nope. It was in the Universal Language..."
"Let me see." And America saw.
"The others aren't like that. Flip to the next one and see if that one is in the U.L. Maybe I'm going crazy or something," America said. And Canada saw that it was in German again, the words longer and the sentences shorter.
"It's not. This is weird..." Canada flipped back and forth, back and forth. He swept over the pages as if the words already read aloud would decipher the meaning they didn't know to find. Canada furrowed his brows. Canada turned his head. "Hey, does anyone have a pen on them?"
"I do," France said next to him. France handed him a ballpoint pen and Canada thanked him quietly and quickly. "Prussia, you don't mind that I write in this right?"
"Depends on what," Prussia said interested.
"I think I got something but I might just be going crazy...I won't write words in it, I promise."
Prussia shrugged. "As long as you don't fuck it up, sure."
Canada beamed and uncapped the shining pen, of course, way too heavy and expensive for a casual meeting, and motioned the nations to huddle closer so they could the page clearly.
He pointed to a paragraph with the black tip of his pen and tapped on the first letter of the sentence. "England, you mentioned that Germany sounded a little off right? When describing the dream?"
England said yes, he indeed did say that. Canada continued. "I don't think that was an accident. Look," he circled the first letter of the sentence which was I. "I had a dream last night. If I circle the beginning letter of the sentence, I get I. If I circle the next letter of this pattern, I get m. Maybe it was a warning, maybe it was a fortune. Do you see it?"
"It spells I'm," China spoke, "But it could be a coincidence."
"I don't think so. If I follow the same pattern," Canada's pen made light scratching noises as it hit the paper, more letters circled, "We get S, O, A, L, O, N, E."
"I'm so alone..." Italy breathed.
Canada nodded and set the pen down, sliding the book forward for the rest to see. France picked it up first and passed it England. The book made its way around the table, murmurings passing through the table. Eventually, Italy held the journal in his cold hands. He saw the circles and pressed the journal close to his chest. It was meant for him, Italy thought. It was a clear cry for help—there would be no other reason for Germany to write in the universal language! And Italy's question was answered. Germany did realize (when—Italy does not know) that his thoughts were not his own.
They are never his own.
He took it away from his chest and handed it back to the last person on the table, the most anticipated reactant.
Prussia held the book in front of him as everyone else had, the sun shining dully, shyly, barely on Prussia's neck through the large window. "Congrats Birdie. Even I didn't see this." He smiled proudly at Canada.
Canada hesitated to answer for a moment, the tone of failure on Prussia's tongue making him feel guilty. He had been certain that he was going to make a fool out of himself when he spoke—that he was just making assumptions and being too conclusive too quick, but the rest accepted the facts rather easily. Say it with words, show something visually that mimics what you are trying to prove, and how could anyone deny your statement other than fact.
"Oh, West," Prussia said sighing and setting the book down.
"Did you know about this?" Hungary asked quietly.
"About him being lonely or that he spelled it out?" Prussia said.
"About being lonely..."
Prussia shifted in his seat, the sunshine behind hitting the table for a second only to go away once again when his blue shoulder blocked it. "Well I mean, I always thought that he talked with his co-workers and stuff. He spent most of his time in the office, I assumed that he would have made maybe not a friend, but at least an acquaintance."
"He never mentioned anyone, and I was worried for him, so I guess I never really knew what he did outside of the house. I was busy...he was busy..."
If it had been a human running the meeting, Prussia would have been stared down with disappointment in lethal waves. But it wasn't. And what Prussia did for his brother was more than a lot of them could say.
"But he's not going to be lonely soon," Italy said optimistically.
If anything, Italy's words made Prussia look away and become more guarded. His facial expression unconsciously steeled and he leaned forward more. "No. I guess he won't."
Knocks on the double doors broke through their mixed air. Russia looked confused and the door opened with a tall brown haired Russian. The man looked surprised.
"Who are you? This meeting is still in session," Russia said in his native language.
"Sir, there is another group waiting to use this room. This meeting was scheduled from nine to noon."
Russia flicked his watch and was surprised to see the watch hand point to twelve. The minute hand moved.
"We'll be out shortly."
The man nodded and closed the door, the silence enveloping them again.
"What was that about?" America asked taking a drink from the water provided.
"I only scheduled this room for three hours. I didn't think we would make it through the whole time."
"Is it already noon?" England asked surprised, flicking to his watch as well.
"Da. There is another group waiting. Continue this tomorrow at the same time?" Russia stood up shuffled his papers pleased.
The others stood up as well, the spell broken and grabbed their belongings. They agreed to meet again tomorrow. Russia could have easily sent away the other group with a flick of the hand, but meetings usually never lasted so long or produced anything so productive. It was tiring for them, even if Russia did enjoy all of their company at the same time, and so they decided that continuing tomorrow would be best.
If the meeting had prolonged, well. There was an unspoken truce among all of them that the punches thrown were not to the nation, but to each other. If continued further...
Things would be as exactly Prussia had planned it. But they can't have that, now can they?
...
Plains of Abraham — One of England's greatest victories over France. Marks the beginning of England's complete control over Canada.
Paddy — British slang for a temper tantrum.
ECSC — European Coal and Steel Community established in 1952. Members: France, Belgium, Germany, Holland, Luxembourg, and Italy. A supranational organization created after WWII to help rebuild Europe's economy by having free trade of iron-ore, coal, and steel in the member states.
EEC — European Economic Community established in 1957. Members: The same as the ECSC with the addition of the UK, Denmark, Ireland, Greece, Portugal, and Spain. Created a common market among the member nations, with no impediments to the flow of labor and goods. It aimed to continue economic growth and eventually create the European Union.
We Were Once Enemies — Japan was part of the allied powers against Germany in World War I.
Himmler Swings The Other Way — Nazis were gay as fuck. Almost all the top officials were gay, actually. It's even debated on whether Hitler was bisexual or gay. Oh, Germany :)
Customers in Vienna — Apparently when Hitler was living in the slums of Vienna, he was speculated to be a male prostitute. I'm not sure of this, I read it in an article, so what Germany writes is a reaction to the rumor. A pretty strange rumor...
Jealous of America's Music — Jazz and swing music was banned under Nazi rule. But many soldiers still listened to it.
*I think I mentioned the EU in previous chapters but I now realized the EU was created in 1993 and not 1992. RIP*
...
I don't know if I can continue this fic. I have three more chapters pre-written but man...it is just so long. I have so much I want to cover and I am super critical of myself. You see, I am naturally a cold person so it takes a lot to make me feel something. The fics that make me cry (or almost) are just GOLDEN.
And I want to re-create that, but I'm not really as great of a writer that I think I am. Motivation is being lost fast and ah, well, idk. I will post everything I have, and, of course, write as much as I can when I have the spark too, but writing shouldn't be a chore, you know? I think I put a warning on this earlier, where this fic might not be finished because I lost motivation. I don't want to give up on this fic — I really don't!
But.
If this doesn't get finished or completed like I intend to, at least you know why. And I really hate being that author, but I wanna keep it real with you guys .-.
But enough about that depressing stuff. I hope this brightened someone's night.
Also. Marystadler1, why are you so good to me? You need to stop reading this trash LOL.
Alright, thank you for reading and supporting! R&R and see you in the next one.