A FIERCE AND JEALOUS LOVE
10-chapter fanfic based on The Hobbit trilogy, with some changes.
The characters, the places, the universe, etc. and the elements from the book and trilogy are the sole property of J.R.R. Tolkien and P. Jackson respectively.
/!\SPOILERS/!\ so if you didn't watch the films but want to read this story... Don't. Unless you don't care being spoiled. Anyway, you're adults. Or almost.
Notes :
This is a Bagginshield-centered short story. Yep, I finally got corrupted by this weird, yet not that weird, trend. Ah, dear Internet !
Sorry for the (numerous) mistakes and clumsy/hideous turns of phrase, English is not my mother language. I'll do my best !
Rainbows, pandas and unicorns x3
Chapter 4 : Confidence
Bofur turned to him again in surprise. What could be possibly added ?
"There is something I must tell you before I...", he was about to make a blunder, but quickly rectified. "Before we go to sleep."
"And what is it ?", Bofur asked, coming back near him.
Bilbo sighed loudly, strangely even more afraid of looking ridiculous than of his own feelings. After all this time, it was not so hard for him to admit it to himself, as it had finally appeared logical, obvious to him. But to others...
"You seem to be anxious. What's wrong ?"
"I... It's Thorin... I..."
"I know. He's not the Dwarf he used to be. He's leading us to... Well..."
"No, no, no ! I-it's not about that... Well, it is, partly, but...", he sighed again and started fiddling with his fingers, not knowing how to bring the topic.
"But ?", Bofur encouraged him.
The Hobbit did not know how to explain. He tried to find the right words, but everything seemed to be so misplaced and unappropriate. Everything was blurred in his mind. Everything appeared to be so absurd. But, still, so necessary to be told.
"Right. Balin told me about the dragon-sickness, the Arkenstone... And the solution."
"Solution ?", the Dwarf shrugged. "I'm afraid there is none."
"There might be one. Balin told me. There is still hope ! Not much, but there is !"
"What could it possibly be ?"
The halfling sighed deeply again and then dropped it all.
"The only way to erase it... Is to replace it", he started. "His passion for this stone and all the treasures can only be replaced by love. For a person. And from this person."
He used Balin's exact words. It appeared easier to him. As if saying it with his own words would have made it more difficult, because it was something he, and only he had to face.
Bofur seemed completely astonished, and also quite dubious. He did not understand why the halfling was telling him about that. He had never heard about any sort of solution. And he would have even lesser thought it would be that one.
"Did he tell you that ?"
"Yes, he did", Bilbo assured. "And he told me about Thorin's father and grandfather. They had yielded to the sickness because their wives had died. And they had... No one left to love", he added, using Balin's words anew.
"Indeed...", the Dwarf murmured. "I did not know about all that. How is it supposed to make such a sickness go away ? I'm not convinced..."
"Well, then, there is only one way to prove it."
Bofur stared at him in both amazement and a bit of amusement. He would always be surprised about how their Hobbit could be determined, even when hope seemed nonexistent, even when nothing more could be done in anyone else's mind.
"You seem quite confident. I know you are capable of much more than anyone could ever think of. But, being based on what you just said, I don't know what can be done, now."
"He needs... Someone to love. And to be loved in return. It is quite simple !", he explained. "The remedy to his passion for treasures is passion and devotion for someone. It is the antidote. Sane love against insane love... Uhm... Something like that, I guess...", he shrugged nervously.
There was a long silence laying upon them for a few seconds.
"And that is...", the Hobbit resumed, hesitating. "That is where I... I come into play."
The Dwarf suddenly stared at him in complete amazement and incomprehension.
"You...? I'm not sure I understand."
"Well... I...", he took a deep breath and then yielded once and for all. "I won't ask you to promise me not to laugh, because I know it's ridiculous. And I won't ask you to believe it will work, even I am not sure. But...", he shrugged and his nose twiched. "You see, at the beginning, he did not believe in me. And he was right for a while, I took some time to make my decision to join you", he laughed nervously.
"That, you did", the Dwarf answered with a crooked grin.
"But, as you know, it has changed, step by step. When I got trapped by the Trolls, he saved my life, he accepted to lay down arms to save me. When I came back from the Goblins' caves, he listened to me when I explained why I stayed with you all. After the Eagles saved us, he finally accepted me. And it changed everything."
"You had a Dwarf King's trust, that was quite much, indeed."
"It was even more than that, Bofur."
Still not certain to understand, the Dwarf frowned and crossed his arms.
"After that, he really trusted me, even when I had weird ideas, like putting you into barrels to escape the Sylvan Elves", he smiled briefly at the thought. "He started to... Care about me... To worry for me, as he worries for you all. And... Well, this made me understand."
"So... What is your point ?"
The halfling was almost ready to bet that, if Bofur asked it this way, it meant he was close to understand what the point was, actually.
"The point is... I... I started to... Feel something", he closed eyes and sighed, hoping he would not be made fun of too much. "Thorin is a friend to me. At the beginning, he was the one I had a contract with. Then, since the moment he apologized and hugged me on the peak, he became my friend. A true friend, maybe better than friends I have in the Shire. And, as time went by, I started to wonder about all that."
"And why wonder ?"
"I was not sure of what I thought of him anymore. I considered him a friend. I saved him and he saved me, many times. He seemed to care about me as I care about him. He put his trust in me every day a bit more. I..."
He stopped and lowered his head, sighing in despair. He wanted to confess, but he did not know how. He could not find the words to justify what he thought he felt.
"I didn't want to believe or even know if it was friendship or more. It didn't really matter. To me, it was just... That. And, after all, he's a Dwarf and King under the Mountain, I'm a simple Hobbit from the distant modest Shire. There was even no question about it. B-but..."
"But ?"
"After I talked with Balin, it made me really wonder, I had to think about it, I was faced with it. I care about him even more than I thought. I feel worried for him almost constantly. I am even ready to use a sword to save him. And now... I am ready to confront him if it can save us, because... Somehow, I don't feel afraid of him."
"You... Would confront him ? For us ?"
"And for himself. Yes", he stated. "And, here is the point, it might be me who will have to confront him."
"You don't have to inflict yourself such a task !"
"But you don't understand !", the halfling exclaimed, tired of the implicit. "Have you no idea of what I'm trying to tell you ?"
He closed his eyes again and sighed, trying to appease his mind. After all, that was not Bofur's fault, it was no one's. And it probably seemed so stupid and unappropriate, then it was normal if the Dwarf did not get the point.
"The thing is... I must do it. There is a chance."
"A chance for what ?"
"For curing him, good grief !", he shouted. "I must try to face him, explain to him, confess to him ! Because there might be a chance that he loves me back and then it would make the sickness vanish and... And..."
He stopped in a sudden, noticing it was the first time he put a name on what he felt towards Thorin. He knew what it was, but never thought of the word itself. And he just said it without thinking, without paying attention. He would nearly have blamed himself for blurting it out, but why do it ? It was love, he knew it, there were not hundreds of words for it.
"So... That's it. You want to confront him because you think you're the remedy."
"Uhm, not exactly me, but... You see..."
"I see."
As Bilbo was fiddling with his fingers again, Bofur raised his head and stared at the sky filled with stars, thoughtful.
"I'm sorry I got angry", the Hobbit apologized. "I know it's not easy to understand. After all, it's quite strange."
"Oh, I understood. I was just not completely sure, so I let you explain it all."
The Hobbit stared at him and frowned.
"You wormed it out of me ?"
"I just let you talk to confirm it. And I thought you needed to say it."
"Anyway, I'll have to say it, and quite soon..."
He shivered slightly, thinking about how Thorin could react, which made him quite uncomfortable, even if he knew there was hope.
"How will you tell him ?"
Bilbo gave a nervous laughter and shrugged. He had absolutely no idea. He had already had difficulties to confide to a friend, so how could he possibly tell a suspicious and irritable Thorin he was the cure to a sickness he denied ? Furthermore, he was not even sure of it !
"I don't even know if I'll have the strength to tell him..."
"I understand. He's become so unpredictable."
"It's not really about that. I'm not afraid of him ! Perhaps I should be, but I'm not. I... I just fear it might not work. Maybe I'm mistaken. Maybe it won't cure him."
He sighed once again and lowered his head.
"Maybe it's not me..."
"And maybe it's you", the Dwarf answered quite simply, with an encouraging smile.
The Hobbit shrugged and let a brief nervous laughter out.
"I don't know... I must try. For now, it seems to be the only way. But I'm afraid of his reaction. That's so unappropriate, crazy and... And stupid."
He let a loud sigh out and stared at his feet.
"It is not stupid", the Dwarf smiled at him. "It is just love."
Bilbo stared at him with a bit of amazement, then he smiled back. He understood. Despite any sort of incongruity, or even ridicule, Bofur would never laugh at him, nor judge him.
Yep, I like seeing Bofur as Bilbo's real friend. What about you ? See ya next chapter !