To Achieve Salvation

Part 1—Changes

Chapter 5: No More Sacrifices

So this was what his future held.

Zelos stared at the lifeless figure of Colette, her shimmering pink wings providing an eerie illumination in the dark room of his mansion. The rest of the newcomers from Sylvarant had long since gone to bed, but Zelos couldn't sleep. The emotionless girl had haunted him whenever he closed his eyes. After tossing and turning for hours, he had finally given up on rest and crept through the hallways, towards the room where the Sylvaranti chosen had been left in for the night.

This was what Cruxis would do to him. He would become a lifeless doll, an empty vessel. Although he knew that state would be temporary, the thought did nothing to relax him. Yes, he would be brought back to a conscious state—but at what cost? He would become a cursed immortal being, his body a lifeless object that would house his soul from within the crystal.

It was rather ironic. In his twisted bid to escape his destiny as the chosen, he had run headlong into his fate. All of his efforts had only led him further into Cruxis' trap. He was to become an angel regardless.

Zelos had heard snippets and whispers from Colette's companions. How she was bubbly and vivacious, with expressive blue eyes. How she was rather clumsy, but had a smile that could light up the entire room. How she had lost her appetite and sleep, her feeling and voice. How she had walked to her death and given up her mind and soul, all to save the world and the people she loved.

He cautiously approached her floating form, standing in front of her, face to face. She appeared as a reflection to him, the representation of the sacrificial strength he did not possess yet the embodiment of the agony he would have to endure. Although he closed his eyes, her red stare lingered in his mind, haunting his every thought.

Her gaze was startlingly empty.

So this was what his future held.

Twilight fell over the city of Meltokio, dyeing the buildings glorious shades of yellows and oranges. Even the squalor of the slums, visible off in the distance, was masked by the golden light. Long shadows were cast by the buildings, and the darkness of the night sky was steadily creeping into view. It was a perfect, picturesque evening.

Zelos sat on the roof of his mansion, overlooking the royal town. It really was beautiful, the light acting as a mask that covered up the true character of the city below. Much like himself. But all facades eventually fade; Meltokio was fast being taken over by the night, destroying the illusion of loveliness. His own mask was fading, falling to pieces. And he didn't know if he wanted to put it back up.

The events of the day had surprised everyone—everyone except him. He was aware that he should have been more shocked and worried, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He also knew that everyone else had noticed his lack of reaction, and he could have sworn that he saw concern etched in their faces, but he dismissed that thought as soon as it came, his mind replacing the worried faces with their earlier expressions of distrust.

After all, was what was going on really so bad? Yes, the tree would die, but the world would be supplied with mana—an endless amount of mana. At the price of his soul, the hollowed, half-rotten thing that lurked within him. Zelos had never been one for self-sacrifice, but this seemed different. He was tired of fighting, tired of running, tired of being a disappointment. Perhaps this was what he really wanted, to fade out of existence.

His angelic hearing discerned the sound of footsteps approaching on the roof. He grabbed the handle of his sword out of instinct and whipped his head around towards the source of the disturbance. He detected a bright red jacket in the fading light, with its inhabitant sporting a dumb, shocked expression at the chosen's swift reaction. Lloyd. Zelos sighed and turned back around, releasing the grip on his weapon. As the twin swordsman sat down, Zelos stifled his annoyance. He wanted to be alone right now, but he doubted Lloyd would get the message.

"So…" the chosen began, leaning back and placing his weight on his elbows, "One hell of a day, huh?"

Lloyd grimaced. "I guess you could call it that."

A long pause occurred. Finally, to break the silence, Zelos inquired, "What're you doing up here, bud?"

The brunette snorted, brushing the bangs from his face. "I would ask you the same thing."

Zelos, without missing a beat, continued, "Well, I just like to plot the nearest route to all the available hunnies in town. I'd offer for you to join me, but you'd just mess with my game."

Lloyd just stared at him, furrowing his brow. "Um…okay," he said, "But I came up here to talk about a plan. You kind of just took off after we flew back here."

Zelos cocked his eyebrow. "A plan for what?" he questioned.

This time, Lloyd stared at him like he was the dumb one, which was a switch in the normal interactions they shared. "A plan for saving you and the tree, of course!" He sounded incredulous, as though he could not believe that he had to explain this. "We have to get started right away. You heard what Yuan said. There's not much time left!" His voice got louder and louder the further he progressed, and by the end of his speech, he was shouting.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down, bud," Zelos interjected into Lloyd's tirade, patting him on the shoulder, "Don't get your knickers in a twist."

Lloyd glared back at the Chosen, pushing his hand away. "I'm not. I'm just worried," he exhaled, "And I think you need to be more upset yourself."

"I think you're emotional enough for the both of us. I mean, your hysterics are bordering that of my hunnies when I'm forced to leave the city."

The brunette pounded his fist against the rooftop. "Don't you take anything seriously?"

The chosen frowned, a look of hurt crossing his face. "I object to that. I take lots of things seriously!"

"Like what? Give me an example that does not involve your 'hunnies'," Lloyd scowled, an expression that was more suited for his father than for himself.

Zelos tilted his head back, squinting while he thought. "Well, I'm always serious about my good looks and masculine charm."

"Ugh. That's—that's enough, Zelos!" Lloyd roared. His eyes were blazing, and the chosen found himself shrinking back from their vehemence. "You were there today. You were listening to what Yuan said. Don't you understand? The Yggdrasil tree is dying, the spirit of Martel is dying, and you are dying! Don't you get it? Don't you care?"

After taking a deep breath, Lloyd continued in a quieter voice, "You always joke around and say things are fine, just acting like the idiot Chosen. I used to believe you and not really pay attention. But seeing you at the Tower of Salvation…I saw how bad things were. And I hated myself for not noticing earlier.

"I don't want to make the same mistake again—no one does. Everyone is worried. Why can't you see it?"

The two swordsman sat there for some time under an uncomfortable silence, watching the evening fade. After a while, Zelos spoke.

"Would it really be so bad?" he whispered.

Lloyd regarded him warily. "What…what do you mean?"

"The Renegade's plan to kill the tree. It would create a constant, stable supply of mana that would never be at risk for running out. Is it really that bad?"

The twin swordsman gasped. "How can you say that? That's at the cost of your life. Your life, Zelos. I thought you hated sacrifices—you joined Cruxis to get rid of the Chosen title. How are you okay with this?"

At that, Zelos laughed derisively. "Oh, Lloyd," he sighed in his casual, maddening tone, "You really don't get it, do you?"

"How am I supposed to 'get it?' You're not explaining anything. You are the most confusing jackass of a chosen ever!" Lloyd growled.

"Yeah, I suppose so," the chosen mused, running his hand through his crimson locks. He dropped his arm and sighed. "Nothing has changed, Lloyd."

Lloyd narrowed his eyes but then softened his expression, his confusion matched by his concern. "What?"

Zelos closed his eyes but kept his expression blank. "Since regenerating the world. Things are different, yes…but nothing has truly changed."

A soft breeze rustled over the rooftops, hinting at the future chill of the night, but neither figure so much as shivered. Brown hair fluttering in the wind, Lloyd gaped at him. "But—but so much has changed!" he cried, his voice full of desperation and passion, "The world is reunited and no longer has to compete for mana. There are no more Desians terrorizing Sylvarant, and racial relationships are improving. Chosens don't have to be sacrificed. And that's just the beginning. So how can you say that nothing has changed?"

"Because it hasn't…. At least, nothing important," The last few words slid out of his mouth before he could do anything to stop them. He opened his eyes at his slip-up, and prayed that Lloyd did not hear. But luck was not on his side tonight, and Lloyd's eyes widened as he detected his words.

Both of the heroes of regeneration stared at each other, the worried expression on the twin swordsman's face—so characteristically Lloydish, embodying the traits that he admired about him—acting as a silent plea for him to continue. And, unsure of his reasons, Zelos did exactly that.

"Yeah, we reunited the worlds, Lloyd. But what has really changed? Look at this city," he began, sweeping his arm in front of him. It was though a dam had been removed and the flow of water unleashed. Things he had noticed, things he had been holding back, flooded out from his mind, and no force could stop them, "What's different from before? Nothing. The rich are rich, the poor are poor, the church is crazy, and the half-elves are hated."

"Things take time to change, Zelos. It won't happen overnight. The journey to save the world didn't end with the tree; it just took another form. We have to work to create a world where everyone can live in. I think there's been great progress for how little time has passed."

Zelos let out a spiteful laugh, a sound that was as bitter and ugly as he felt. "Maybe for Sylvarant. Tethe'alla's still stuck on its same mindset as earlier. They refuse to change. Have you noticed that I'm still the Chosen? That's not for lack of trying, as everyone else seems to believe. The government, the church, everyone is still stuck in their old ways. If the reunification of the world isn't enough to shake them from their habits, then what is?"

"But can't you see the little changes? How the citizens aren't quite so angry at the sight of a half-elf? Did you see how the people have been banding together to help each other recover, even over here? I mean, look at Ozette's recovery. Have you ever noticed how happy the citizens are when Genis stops by? And that was the town that wouldn't sell supplies to half-elves. If that's not some sort of progress, I don't know what is. Right now, you're acting just like that saying the professor quotes all the time—you can't see the forest but for the…the…woods?" Lloyd screwed his face in concentration, but then continued, nonplussed, "But what I mean is change is occurring. It's everywhere! Why can't you see it?

Zelos sighed. "Maybe for you…maybe for everyone else. Look at you guys. You're all out in the world, leading it to the future. You've all grown and changed into something stronger than I've ever been.

"But look at me. I'm still here, still the chosen, and Seles…" he trailed off and then spoke again, gathering his thoughts, "I was always fighting. I hated the being the chosen, more than anyone ever knew. I sided with Cruxis, the Renegades, you, anyone who offered me a way out. And as soon as I joined you, I knew that one way or another, I'd be done with everything by the end of your journey, be it a successful regeneration or…something else," he said, his mind going back to those dark memories.

"Yet I'm still sitting here. I'm still stuck. I'm not any better than I was before, no matter how hard I've fought or how much I've tried. So maybe it would be better to just…disappear."

"I…I don't believe you. This doesn't sound like you! This isn't the Zelos I know!"

"Then what is?" Zelos shouted back, giving up any pretense of calm. Lloyd was startled at the intensity of his outburst. "That's just it. All of you, every single one, know exactly who you are. Then there's me. I look in the mirror and I don't know who the hell is staring back!"

With that, the raw emotion faded out of Zelos' voice, and he continued, as lifeless as before, "So maybe…maybe there's nothing there at all. Maybe there never was. And it's time I stop pretending otherwise. I'm tired of fighting."

Lloyd was incredulous, but then squared his jaw, determined. "I—I won't let you think that. I won't! You're you, Zelos. Nothing changes that. You deserve to be here as much as anyone else!"

Zelos shook his head and continued to stare off into the distance. "Just never mind, bud. Go to bed."

"I'm not going anywhere," Lloyd retorted, "Not until you get your head on straight."

At that moment, Zelos snapped. His earlier outburst seemed mild in comparison to the words that followed, but for once, the chosen didn't care about appearances. "Lloyd, will you just go away? I'm not in the mood for any of your optimistic, idealist, do-gooder bullshit! Maybe that works for you and the rest of your merry band, but it doesn't for me. It never has."

He returned to his earlier position and faced away from the other man, staring into the darkening sky. "So don't waste your breath."

Lloyd stared at him, his expression unreadable. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it, as if he thought better of it. Very slowly, with a solemness that was so unlike him, he stood up, staring the chosen straight in the eye. Without so much as a word, he withdrew the material blades from his sheaths and held the right one out in front, pointed towards Zelos.

"Ummm…okay, bud. What's the deal?" the redhead asked, still leaning back on his elbows.

"You want to disappear? Then fine. Let's finish it now."

Zelos couldn't believe his ears. This was Lloyd, the "no one should have to die" man himself. Yet there he stood, unmoving, with the vorpal sword pointed at the chosen's chest. And Zelos could only gape like a goldfish.

"You heard me! Let's finish this now. If you want to die so much, let's fight."

"Lloyd, I'm not gonna—" Zelos began, but was cut off by the swish of a sword. Flamberge. Having no choice, he quickly withdrew his weapon and blocked the blow. They stood there, weapons straining, until Zelos threw Lloyd off with a flick of his sword. "Lightening blade," he cried, and a bolt of electricity connected to the ground in front of him. Lloyd rolled out of the way, and countered with a violent series of slashes, forcing Zelos to block once more.

"Sweet Martel, Lloyd, what the hell are you doing?" the chosen shouted, moving nimbly across the rooftop to avoid the persistent strikes of his opponent. Confused, he remained on the defensive, only throwing out an occasional demon fang to trip Lloyd up.

"What does it look like? I'm knocking some sense into you!" Lloyd grunted, attacking with more ferocity. The weight of his blows increased, and Zelos stepped up his defensive once more as to dodge a particularly aggressive strike.

They fought for a while, the clashing of their swords drawing sparks that lit up the night sky. Zelos panted, "Why is that even necessary? I came up here for some peace and quiet, ya know."

Lloyd was silent for a while, although he never ceased his ferocious attacks. The two swordsmen continued their fight, moving around the rooftop in a delicate, deadly dance. Lloyd connected a sonic thrust into a demonic tiger blade, the green light illuminating his face. He looked as angry as Zelos had ever seen him. "You said you're tired of fighting, right? So then stop."

A slash.

"Give up."

Another slash.

"Let me kill you!"

A series of slashes. Each become harder and harder to dodge, and Zelos was forced to retreat further towards the edge of the roof. By sheer luck, he was able to pull off the powerful arc of a victory light spear, using the spinning momentum to propel himself away from the precipice and Lloyd's merciless blades.

"Lloyd, you are absolutely insane!" he cried, taking advantage of the short distance he had put between them to cast a quick healing spell.

"Really? I'm the crazy one? You just sit there and tell me that you don't care if you live or die, and that our whole journey meant nothing to you, and you expect me to be okay with it?" the twin swordsman exclaimed, again rushing towards the chosen with a flurry of strokes. "Because I'm not! And I'm not going to stop fighting until you listen to me!"

"Goddammit Lloyd, will you just leave me alone?"Although by now Zelos had gotten into the swing of things, he was still losing ground to Lloyd's vicious assault. Despite his best efforts, he had ended up cornered on the edge of the roof. There was nowhere left to run.

"We all ignored you before, Zelos. We made a mistake, and look what happened. Why do you keep pushing us away?" Lloyd asked, his voice both angry and hurt. Ignoring his opponent, Zelos defended himself with the desperation of a wounded animal, but Lloyd's blades were as unyielding as ever. The two men ended up at a stalemate, with their blades locked on each other, both pushing as hard as they could without giving an inch.

Zelos' arms were shaking with exertion, and sweat trickled down his brow. "Why do you guys insist on getting closer? I disappear. So what? It doesn't matter. Nothing does."

With a sudden burst of energy, Lloyd broke the position they had both been locked in, managing to free his blade with a metallic clang. He used this motion to force Zelos to concede, but at the last second, the chosen once again brought up his blade in defense, and they ended up in almost the exact same position as before, with Zelos even closer to the edge. "I refuse to believe that. We have done everything for a reason. The tree matters. You matter."

In exasperation, Zelos cried, "Why are you fighting this? If the tree dies and I disappear, you get a stable, constant supply of mana that will never be depleted. Isn't that better than the tree? The world you all worked so hard to save will survive for an eternity!"

"And you call me stupid. I can't believe you still don't understand," Lloyd said with a shake of his head, "The world everyone fought for was one that everyone can live in. I want you to live too, Zelos. I promised everyone that there will be no more sacrifices.

"You have so much to live for. There's so much you can do. You really think that all of us won't notice if you're gone? All of us, we really do care about you, Zelos. That's what has made this entire reunion so hard. We don't know how to talk to you anymore. So much has changed. I…I can see you disappearing, and I don't know how to stop it. None of us do."

Lloyd just stared at him, his soulful brown eyes conveying his sadness and determination. "There is a way for all of us to live in this world, Zelos. I truly believe it. I have to. And I know that we can all work together to find it.

"But you have to want to find it. You have to try. You need to believe that things can be better and can change. The only thing that is stopping you is yourself."

With a sigh, Zelos lowered his sword, dropping it with a loud clatter. After a moment, Lloyd lowered his blades as well, placing them back in their sheathes. The two young men stared at each other, neither one wanting to break the silence. Finally, after lowering his gaze, Zelos muttered in an almost inaudible whisper, "Is it really that simple?" He seemed to be asking himself more than anything.

Lloyd replied, sincere as ever, "You'll never know unless you try."

By now, the sky had long since darkened, the sunset a forgotten feature. Instead, the moon had risen, a thin crescent in the sky. The little light it gave off was different than the previous night, when no trace of the orb had been visible. After a moment of silence only punctuated by the breathing of the two men and the crickets of the evening, Zelos looked up. He stared at the sky, the new light of the tiny moon shining down upon him, illuminating his face.

"Tomorrow morning," he said, causing Lloyd to tilt his head towards him. "We'll head to Sybak for the imperial research academy. They did a number of studies on my crystal before. It's the best place to start."

"So…see you in the morning?" Lloyd asked, with both understanding that the question was asking more than it appeared.

"See you in the morning," Zelos replied. A small smile ghosted on the edge of Lloyd's face, and he turned around to leave, giving a goofy wave goodbye despite the solemness of the situation. A weak chuckle escaped Zelos' lips.

"What an idiot," he thought fondly, "But…that's what I've always liked about him."

He sat back down on the edge of the roof, still gazing at the moon. After a while, he detected the sounds of footsteps approaching again. This time, he remained still, and Sheena came and sat down beside him.

The ninja fiddled with her sash, seemingly unsure of what to say. She decided to keep it simple. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hey yourself, hunny," Zelos replied, but he noticed that his own voice was more sincere, almost tender. Odd. But then again, it had been a long day.

Sheena looked surprised, but hid it quickly, "Lloyd told me I could find you up here."

"'Course he did," he mumbled. His annoyed response made Sheena smile a little, although it didn't reach her eyes. As they sat in silence, Zelos studied her face from the corner of his vision. Her pale skin and dark hair, her high cheekbones and exotic eyes. Her complexion was clear, skin free from any sort of makeup that most of the noble women wore. She presented her true self for the world to see, and she was gorgeous. A real beauty inside and out, with no need for masks or disguises. Every emotion she ever felt—happiness, anger, sorrow—would dance across her face, and she would make no effort to hide it. She was sincere, honest, and far braver than he had ever been.

"You lied to me," she whispered, staring into the night.

"And that's new?" he retorted, earning himself an elbow in the ribs.

"Hey," he grimaced, rubbing his side. He gave Sheena the hurt puppy dog look, but it didn't work. Not that it ever had.

"You know what I mean," she said, sitting with her back hunched. "About the spider. Why did you lie?"

Zelos shrugged. "What can I say? Everyone knows I'm a liar by now. Why are you surprised?"

"Will you stop dodging the question?" She asked, but the chosen still did not reply. She let out a heavy sigh.

Finally, Zelos spoke. "You're brave, Sheena. You shouldn't have to worry about someone like me."

"You really are an idiot," she whispered, "Of course I'm concerned about my friend."

"Your…friend?"

"Of course, Zelos. Because you are my friend."

Her deep, dark eyes sparkled in the moonlight. She gave him a small, sincere smile, one that spoke of more than words ever could. And to his surprise, Zelos found himself returning the gesture, more honesty etched across his face than there had been in years.

Of course, this couldn't last forever. His genuine smile transformed into a broad smirk, and his blue eyes now twinkled not with sincerity, but with mirth. "But really, Sheena, I thought we'd become more than friends by now. No woman can resist my charms for that long,"

He went to capture her curvaceous frame in a rather sensual hug, but a well-aimed karate-chop to the shoulder ended the life of that plan.

"Stupid Chosen," she muttered, but her tone was playful, almost relieved. They sat together, side-by-side, the uncomfortable tension between them dissolving in the air and sweeping away in the night breeze.

Because there he was, sitting in the place where he had sat many times before, watching the same scene of the sleeping city. Perhaps nothing had changed. But he felt the warmth of Sheena, seated by his side. Had she always been there? While he pondered the thought, the pattering of many gentle footsteps echoed across the night. The members of the regeneration group, each and every one, walked across the roof to where he was perched, settling down near him. No words were spoken, but Zelos could feel the support radiate from his companions—no, his friends—that surrounded him.

His mind wandered towards what he had told Sheena earlier, though it felt like a lifetime ago. Things were different, and things had stayed the same. This camaraderie, this silent support; this was not what he'd felt before. But really, had it always been there? Had he just not been able to see it?

And just like that, the world had changed. Zelos Wilder, for the first time in a long while, dug deep into his soul and nurtured that tiny patch of warmth. He felt something that was different, that had been locked away inside, finally bursting towards freedom.

Hope.

End of Part 1: Changes

AN: This will be the last update for a while, because I don't want to publish part 2 until it's finished for continuity's sake-and my own sanity. I apologize for any formatting errors; the site was giving me trouble and I won't be able to edit this document for a while. Thank you for reading.

Also, if you get bored during the wait, you should check out Sastrei's story called Ashes. (If the link doesn't work I'm stupid. Sorry) It's well-written with an original character that meshes in well with the cast, with believable strengths and flaws. It follows the game closely for a while, but has a few key differences the refresh the narrative. It also has one of the best-written romances I've seen in a while. But best of all, she actually updates! Regularly. So take a look if you're interested.