Everyone has a favourite holiday, whether they acknowledge it or not.
When she was younger Annie had been determined to enjoy them all equally, or at least come across as though she did. When pressed she would answer with family-centric holidays, usually Hanukkah for all the expected reasons, but who was she kidding—Annie was a total sucker for Valentine's Day. As if her tendency toward hopeless romanticism of a Cecily Cardew calibre weren't enough, strained post-rehab familial relationships really kicked her into the waiting arms of the heartless capitalism and cheesy façade of the season.
Or at least, it was her favourite in theory. Admittedly she'd only actually been a part of the dating scene for a couple of years now, and so far every time the 14th rolled around she'd been caught up in the hectic misadventures of her study group friends rather than the fluttery feeling of butterflies in her stomach. This year was going to be different. This year was all about romance; no losing focus; eyes on the prize.
She was buzzing for weeks ahead of the 14th, putting everything she had into playing it cool and not giving herself away. It wasn't a very convincing act, but no one seemed to question it. She'd charted graphs, composed lists, crafted schedules—either Jeff was going to ask her to the inevitable Greendale Valentine's Dance or she was going to ask him. She was. Absolutely. Just needed to wait to work out the perfect plan first. Any day now. Totally. Really. You know what, did she actually want her second real romantic experience with Jeff to be at a Greendale dance? I mean, right?
She'd chickened out of every opportunity she had until there were only a few days left before the dance and it had become abundantly clear that Jeff had no interest in going at all, let alone asking anybody. She had no choice but to turn to her notes. Originally a half dozen pages of the book had been scribbled full of every idea for wooing Jeff that her brain could come up with, crossed out and replaced as she refined her plots and schemes. But, ever the Type A neat-freak, she'd removed those pages as soon as she'd settled on her official "Get Jeff" Valentine's plans, leaving only the meticulously formatted final results.
PLAN A.
People born in the 80s made mixtapes for their crushes, right? So all she had to do was find out what kind of music he liked and burn a CD of it. She hoped it would still hold the same sentiment on a disc; she wasn't entirely sure where she could find a cassette tape or player. She bought a set of ten blank discs (as it turned out, the smallest amount one could buy) in preparation and set about sleuthing to find out Jeff's taste in music.
Britta was no help, responding to Annie's questions by scoffing and insinuating that Jeff wouldn't know good music if it wrinkled his jacket at a party, followed by a long list of underground indie and punk bands Annie and Jeff have probably never heard of. Unable to ask for more accurate information without giving herself away, Annie had to come up with another method.
Initially she wanted to look up the biggest hits of his birth year, but he was strangely antsy whenever she broached the subject and would steer the conversation elsewhere before she even noticed he was doing it. It left her only one other option.
His iPod.
It took her another full day to find the exact perfect moment to sneak it out of his gym bag while he was getting ready to go on a run, and all she was rewarded with was a load of house music. And, I guess, a glimpse at Jeff in his running gear. She wondered briefly whether Jeff was shallow enough to have all his real music on a second iPod while he kept this one as empty and meaningless as he needed to in order to not give anyone the impression they know anything about him. Whatever the case, she couldn't spend any more time on Plan A. She had to move on.
PLAN B.
Annie had heard during bathroom conversation once that Jeff had tried to get a date with Britta by buying her semi-relevant Hallmark cards. Annie could manage that. It was probably an even better plan than A had been, since it didn't involve her having to pry into Jeff's life (which she imagined he wouldn't appreciate if he found out). It did, however, leave her standing in the greeting cards aisle for what felt like at least an hour just trying to find something perfect.
She needed something… Masculine. At this time of year she'd be hard pressed to find it in amongst the sea of pink and red hearts and flowers. Were giraffes masculine? Why were so many of these Valentines for sons or grandsons? What was it that Jeff liked about these? Whatever it was, she just couldn't seem to get it.
Her eyes locked on a minimalist black and brown card with a geometric design and a banner that simply said "Hey, Handsome". She couldn't imagine Jeff being offended by that in any way and it was definitely masculine, there was only one tiny red heart on it and NOPE! The equally minimal inside read "Just wanted to remind you that I love you". Nope, nope, nope. That was WAAAY too much. She tucked the card hastily back in its place and stepped away.
Scanning through the other options again, she landed on a messy collage ice cream cone. "Valentine goodness comin' at ya." and on the inside, "Hope your day is loaded with all the best stuff—Just like you." It was undoubtedly more casual than the last card, but the shiny red foil love hearts made her nose scrunch to think of Jeff opening it. No. No, there had to be something else.
Her arms folded around her torso in an attempt to hide her disheartened slump among gestures of trying to keep warm in the sterile, over-airconditioned department store. Then she spotted something that made her pause. A map motif, stitching in the shape of travel lines and a message; "My 3 is wherever you are." It reminded her of something… A song that had played in the back of her head the whole night after they'd won the debate together in their first year… Home is wherever I'm with you… She gingerly ran a finger over the stitches, really only embossed cardboard, and hesitated a moment before plucking it up into her hands. Maybe it wouldn't mean nearly as much to him but to her NOPE! The inside read simply "LOVE YOU" in huge capital letters, underlined by a row of pink hearts, she was running away from that immediately.
Annie huffed, noting the time. Class would be beginning soon, she'd have to choose quickly. Roughly grabbing a boyish card in each hand she did a rudimentary inspection. A golden tyrannosaurus holding a big red heart on a field of white, covered in yet more soft three dimensional heart shapes. Her eyebrows knit together uncertainly. The other was pretty pink, but it did mostly depict an ocean reef with a smiling shark. "Sharp mind, killer grin, big heart." She'd said as much about him in the past. It would have to do. She tried to expedite her trip through the checkout but still had to run cross campus upon arrival to make it to Biology on time, shedding her cardigan for once due to overheating and forcing it down into her overstuffed backpack.
"Um… Jeff?" She caught up with him in the quad since he didn't show for class that day.
"Annie!" He looked up at her from the bench with a smile that made her cheeks flush, her knees weakening and feet turning inward shyly in response. Two words into the conversation and she was already fiddling with her bag straps and fixing her eyes downward, anywhere but his. "I was just about to come find you—I couldn't make it to biology today, do you have any notes I could borrow? I'd hate to fall beh— hey… No cardigan?" His grin turned to a smirk as he pointed and tilted his head. "We doing a genre episode I don't know about?"
"What?"
"Sorry," he shook his head. "Spending too much time with Abed."
"Well I— Ahh, I just thought it was nice enough weather and I should… Give it a try," she said, finally answering his question and rising up slightly on her toes as she thought how she wanted to word it. No way was she about to mention to Jeff the current sweat soaked status of her usual outerwear.
Jeff leaned back a moment, looking as if he were appraising a work of art, nodding sagely. "It's a good look for you."
Annie tried to reply, her thanks sticking in her throat. "Notes!" She squeaked suddenly and loudly. Her voice was too dry and in too high a register at this point to even try for normal communication, so she instead reached around to the front of her pack and pulled out the extra set of notes she'd started taking for him as soon as she'd spotted his absence, along with the shark-emblazoned card.
Now or never.
"Here." She handed them over, thrusting them toward him with much more force than necessary; she wanted to stop herself from backing out.
He accepted that pile of papers swiftly with an exaggerated bow of his head. "You are a life saver, thank you."
"Mhmm," was the only tight response she could manage while barely breathing. She felt like she was going to be sick. Maybe she could snatch it back right now and he wouldn't notice. She'd have to regain the ability to move first, but it wasn't looking like such a bad plan…
"What's this?" Too late.
"Oh— Um… I-I found—" Could she stop stumbling over her words for two seconds, please? Ordinarily she was the most eloquent one in the room! Ugh.
A sharp laugh broke her exercise in self-criticism and she looked to see Jeff grinning, flipping back and forth from the inside to the front of the shark card. She hadn't had time to sign it so she didn't know what the epigram actually said.
"That is astounding!" He handed the pink rectangle back to her still laughing. "Unbelievable! I didn't know they even made Valentines cards for mothers to give their sons!"
Stunned, Annie glance down at the card's interior for the first time; "To a son who's a triple threat." Of course. That T-Rex card probably had some harmless, awful pun; she knew she should've picked it instead.
"You should show that to Britta, too." He stood, adding Annie's notes to his pile of text books (one could only imagine that he'd purchased them as part of the student aesthetic) and gathering them to his side.
"Oh," Annie had drooped visibly. She shrugged with one shoulder and looked as deflated as her hugest, saddest eyes could enable. She couldn't help it. "You think she'll find it funny too?"
"Well, yeah, maybe. Who wouldn't." Annie nodded dimly in acknowledgement. "But I was thinking it might help her finally fully grasp the Oedipal complex properly as it applies to the real world." Jeff chuckled and offered his arm to the younger woman.
"Accompany you to the study room, M' Lady?"
She allowed a small smile in return. "Certainly, M' Lord."
PLAN C.
So plans A and B were both a total bust. There was something about Jeff that Annie just clearly did not understand yet.
And here was plan C, staring her in the face mockingly from its page in her notebook.
The Plan C she had written down in her organiser was to finally roll the dice like Shirley had once advised her in the past. Ask Jeff out directly. She could see in her mind already how completely that wouldn't work. The look of horror on his face. The way he'd glance around for an exit before grimacing and launching into an infuriatingly over-sensitive speech about age difference… No, she couldn't handle that.
No. No, it looked like she'd be spending the holiday attending the dance dateless once again. Probably helping Britta to awkwardly avoid Page—if Britta even showed up after last year, that is…
"Annie?" a sickly sweet woman's voice sounded beside her, causing Annie to snap her book shut in the haste to hide the notes she'd been making on Jeff from the potentially prying eyes of her friend. Shirley put a comforting hand on Annie's shoulder seeing how startled she'd been, cooing once again. "Honey? Are you okay? You've been sitting at this desk since before my business class started, it's getting late! Walk with me to my car and let me give you a ride home, sweetie."
It wasn't long before Annie was spilling her guts to the mother of three on their walk—with names and identifying details omitted, of course. It was a familiar routine between the two of them and a relief to Annie's all too teenage style of angst to get it off her chest. Shirley just listened politely all the way to the car, having to climb in and lean over to unlock the passenger side door from the inside.
"I guess…" Annie continued, plonking herself down in her seat without missing a beat. "I guess I had this image of Valentine's Day as this perfect romantic holiday in my head, and it turns out that it doesn't exist. Britta's right, it is just capitalistic crap." She slid down, despondent, into a position in which her seatbelt would almost certainly do nothing for her in the case of an accident.
"Oh no, I am calling it there, that is it, young lady!" Shirley demanded. "I have not worked day in and day out for over two years to keep Britta Perry from influencing you negatively to have you decide that she is rightly defiant in all things, and I have not rekindled and overcome hell in my marriage to have you spiralling out of a belief in love! On a boy trouble induced whim? Because some man doesn't recognise his luck in having your full attention? Not on my watch, nuh-uh."
Annie, who had expected simply to vent and not to receive a pep-talk, sat in dumbfounded silence, giving Shirley the room to continue. "Valentine's Day is about all kinds of love! Not just romance. Whether it's between friends, families, girlfriends and boyfriends. Or… us and the lord." She added the last part of the sentence quickly and quietly, half expecting to be shot down. "Don't let the greeting card companies or Britta tell you otherwise, Annie, the holidays are what we make them. We give them meaning, that's all."
Annie's heart melted, touched by what Shirley said, and she involuntarily released her side of their duo's patented 'aww'. "Shirley, that was beautiful! Thank you!"
"You're welcome. Now we're gonna make sure you have a wonderful Valentine's with or without a date." She began pulling out of the campus parking lot into the night and was already into excited planning mode. "Ooh, why don't we rope in Britta and have a girl's night? Just us girlfriends having a Galentine's Day, that's nice!"
Annie wasn't so sure, but the thought of organising an event was making her feel a little bit better. "Valentine's is the day after tomorrow; don't you have plans with Andre? And how would we even convince Britta to come? This is like the most commercial, materialistic holiday of the bunch!"
The two fell into the familiar pattern of planning from there, chatting happily the whole drive with Annie never giving Jeff another thought. Shirley knew that breaking the news to Andre that they wouldn't be spending their first February 14th as a remarried couple together would be tricky—Her husband was a romantic at heart and enjoyed any occasion on which he could make a big gesture. This year she asked for that gesture to be him taking the kids out for a night on the town so she and the girls could have the house to themselves. Convincing Britta turned out to be the easy part. Shirley and Annie guilted her into participation with a rhetoric of women supporting each other—a feminist stance they could all get behind—and a promise that she could point out the problematic and oppressive elements of all their favourite chick flicks as she watched.
Annie really was a sucker for Valentine's Day. The romance of the season was something she would always adore and look forward to, but now she had other kinds of love to celebrate during the season as part of a new cheesy tradition. The three of them got together on the 14th from then on, Britta insisting that if it was really about supporting each other as women then significant others should have no impact, something that Annie and Shirley either couldn't or didn't want to argue against. On these nights, every time Annie found Shirley and herself rolling their eyes good-naturedly at Britta describing exactly why whichever Hugh Grant character was a pig, she would wonder why she'd never thought to celebrate Galentine's before. It was, after all, a perfect fit for her favourite day of the year.