It may seem like we're moving slowly, but we are building up to some more intense/dramatic Emily and JJ scenes, trust me.

This chapter is a bit more JJ-centric to give some insight into her emotional state, but we'll be getting back to Emily soon.

Thanks for all the reviews. You all are the best and I really appreciate the support.

The plane ride home from Georgia was abnormally quiet, no one wanting to talk about what they had just witnessed, what Reid had just endured, what JJ had gone through. Despite normal protocol, no one wanted to spend another night in Georgia, everyone just wanted to get home. The BAU jet was completely dark, except for one corner where Hotch was busying himself with paperwork. Reid was sitting next to Gideon, sleeping, or his eyes were closed at least. Morgan was sitting nearby, intently watching the younger man as Garcia sat next to him, her head leaning against his shoulder.

And then there was Emily and JJ.

JJ was leaning his head against the plane window, internally scolding herself for what had happened to Reid, shaken from her thoughts when Emily brought her a cup of coffee. The brunette knew that coffee typically was not an appropriate drink for three in the morning, but it wasn't like JJ was what could call a 'typical woman.'

"If you burn a hole through that window and crash the plane I'm going to be super pissed" Emily teased as she sat next to the blonde and passed her the drink.

"Well you wouldn't be the only one pissed" JJ remarked in a dejected tone as Emily took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I almost shot you."

Emily chuckled at the apology, speaking up in a matter of fact tone with a lopsided grin, "I feel like the BAU would be the only workplace where that apology wouldn't elicit an investigation. It's like our version of sorry I broke your coffee mug."

"Mmhmm" JJ agreed with a smile, wondering how Emily was able to do that. How was she able to always make her smile? "Do you think…you can tell me the truth."

"Do I think what happened to Reid was your fault?" Emily asked as JJ merely nodded in reply. "No I don't. I don't know what happened at that house, and I don't know whose decision it was to split up, but I doubt it was yours. And even if it was, this job has risks. The stakes have always been high. It's just not something we think about until something like this happens. Every time we go into the field there is a chance that we're not going to be getting back on this plane. That's the job, that's the life of a FBI agent. If that's something you can't accept, then go teach criminology or something."

"Morgan blames me" JJ stated in a such a quiet and hurt voice that Emily's heart broke for the woman.

"Well besides Garcia who cares what Morgan thinks?" Emily asked with a smirk that made JJ laugh again. "What really matters is what I think and I say you shouldn't blame yourself" the profiler said without an ounce of humility, which garnered another smile from JJ. "Jayje this is Tobias Hankel's fault, not yours and it never will be. No one thinks it is. Morgan can just be a dick when he's worried, you know that. And Reid doesn't blame you so that's all that really matters."

JJ nodded and scanned the plane before refocusing on Emily, "How do you do it? How do you compartmentalize?" The younger woman questioned as she turned her body in the seat to better face Emily, her tired blue eyes swirling with both pain and guilt. "Can you teach me?"

"No" Emily simply replied as she tilted her head, giving the other woman a tender smile. "I won't teach you that because there is nothing wrong with being affected by what we see. That's a good thing. Don't lose that, and don't consider that as weakness."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah" Emily nodded with a smile.

And that is when JJ first realized that maybe she was starting to fall in love with Emily Prentiss, which was terrifying.

The first weeks after Emily returned was awkward at best. The team had been temporarily suspended after Doyle-gate, which thoroughly pleased Will and Henry, both of the LaMontagne boys thrilled to have JJ around the house more. However, JJ was less than pleased by the suspension. Sure, it was nice to be able to spend more time with Henry, but she missed her job, she missed Emily. Emily, who was spending most of her free time with Morgan and Garcia, and even Rossi. Of course Garcia send JJ texts with little updates on Emily.

'Princess Raven Locks decided to stay at a hotel. Monopoly lifestyle realness.'

'Do you guys still do the 'yeah, yeah' thing? That was so cute. I did by accident with Emily and it felt so wrong.'

'Gumdrop and Choc. Adonis arguing about Vonnegut again…help me.'

'Do you think my Gumdrop will stay for good? Let's sacrifice a virgin to make sure.'

'Emster won't agree that my baby boy is the true God of thunder, back me up here.'

'My poor baby's bathroom cabinet is full of prescription antacids and sleeping pills. Keep you posted.'

And while the blonde was glad to know what was going on with her friend, it still hurt. It hurt because she wanted to be there for her. She wanted to be the one Emily opened up to, not Morgan and Garcia. She wanted to be the one to help Emily figure out where to live. She wanted to be Emily's confidant again, but she knew it couldn't happen for a while. She knew that Emily needed time after what had happened…after what she had promised. So JJ stayed away, having to remain satisfied with the messages the quirky technical analyst sent her, unsure of how much the other woman was leaving out at any given moment.

JJ knew that Will wouldn't object to inviting Emily over for dinner, but that would be so weird. Even more than that it would be cruel, because JJ shouldn't have even been with Will. Emily thought she was coming home to JJ waiting for her, but the reality definitely failed the expectation.

"Somthin' bothering ya darlin'?" Will asked in a concerned tone as he wrapped his arms around JJ's waist as she cooked, or rather tried to cook dinner.

JJ shook her head as she fixated on the boiling pot of water, "No, why?"

"You've been staring at the pot for 'bout ten minutes now. You seem, distracted" he offered with a small smile as JJ took a deep breath. She wasn't even seeing Emily anymore and she was still lying about her. Would this be a lie that haunted them forever? Why couldn't she just be happy with Will?

"I'm just thinking about that stupid hearing in a few days" JJ lied as she turned around to face her partner. "They're basically putting Emily on trial for everything she's been through. It was their idea, their fault that she even had to go undercover with Doyle in the first place and now they're trying to blame everything on us. It's ridiculous, their trying to pretend that this was Emily's 'mess.' Maybe if they had done their fucking jobs Ian Doyle wouldn't have gotten into the country in the first place. I mean, I have to remove my shoes and get felt up to get through airport security but apparently no one bothers to check private flights for international terrorists on a vendetta. Not to mention…"

"Calm down Cher" Will cut her off as he engulfed her in a hug, with JJ resting her head in the crook of his nook, inhaling his scent. He smelled fine but it wasn't right, he wasn't Emily. Why couldn't she just be happy with him? What was wrong with her? "She'll be just fine. She's a tough little lady, and ya'll be there for her."

"Yeah…" JJ drifted off as she tried to blink away a few tears that threatened to fall.

All she wanted was to 'be there for Emily,' but not in the capacity that Will had in mind. He was so trusting, so oblivious, to the point where even Emily felt consumed with guilt over what they were doing. But, of course, Emily's solution was for JJ to just leave him, as if it was that simple. What about her son? Would she ever see him? God knows that no judge would give her custody considering her job. All she had to do was look at what happened to Hotch for that confirmation. He was an attorney and he still got screwed in a custody hearing. And how would she explain everything to Henry? Hi sweetheart, I'm leaving your father for your Aunt Emily and because I'm being so selfish you're going to see me even less than before. That would make her mother of the year. JJ was shaken from her internal condemnations by Will's southern drawl, the voice that was nowhere near as comforting as Emily's, nowhere near as preferable to listen to.

"She's prolly doin' just fine" he coaxed before chuckling. "Maybe more than fine considerin' all the time she's been spending with Derek Morgan…"

"Emily is not dating Morgan" JJ firmly stated with a scowl, prompting Will to wonder why what he had said had caused such a visceral reaction. "There are rules about that. It could break up the team. They wouldn't do that."

"Well you don't really know that now do ya darlin'? Come on Cher, don't be silly. You know how it works, workin' those long hours, not havin' no one to go home to anyway. Those two always seemed awfully close" he winked as JJ felt sick, which was completely unwarranted. She was with Will, it wasn't like she could expect Emily to be alone forever right? "He's a handsome guy, she's a pretty lady, not that you have anything to worry 'bout. I've always had a thing for blondes" he grinned as JJ couldn't help but smile. So does Emily.

"Maybe you should just invite her over so you can talk" he offered as JJ shook her head 'no' as she tried to come up with an adequate excuse. Will wasn't a profiler but he was a detective, her excuse had to be believable.

"I don't want to have to talk about any of that around Henry, Emily wouldn't feel comfortable" the blonde covered as she bit her bottom lip before continuing on. "But maybe I will go talk to her, are you okay with finishing dinner?"

Will nodded and smiled at her, a loving smile that made JJ feel sick with guilt. What was she doing? Why couldn't she just forget about Emily? Why did the woman seem to haunt her? And even when JJ was able to forget Emily during the day, her subconscious wouldn't allow her to. "Sure thing Cher, you have fun with your friend. I can manage here with the boy."

"Okay" JJ replied, pecking Will on the lips as she headed to the living room to retrieve her keys, ruffling Henry's hair as she walked by, garnering his attention as he put down his toy car.

"Mommy leave?" He asked, his bright blue eyes reaffirming every decision she had ever made regarding Emily. She could never hurt him, and she would always sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of his.

JJ nodded with a sad smile as she slightly cleared her throat, "I'm going to be back before bedtime okay sweetheart?"

"'Kay, me with Daddy" Henry agreed happily as he went back to playing with his toys.

"Okay" JJ repeated as she took a deep breath and headed out the front door, the sun setting in the sky as she set out to meet with Emily. Unknowingly JJ started down the same route she had always used to get to Emily's old place, arriving at the Washington D.C apartment building with a groan. She had driven there so many times before it was like her mind operated on auto-pilot. But this time they were just going to talk. "Nothing but talking" JJ firmly instructed herself as she checked the text from Garcia and headed to the Emily's hotel, hoping the brunette woman was home. She had opted not to call in case Emily asked her not to come, but who was she kidding? Emily never answered her calls anymore. JJ knew the suspension could be ending soon and if Emily stayed they wouldn't be able to just ignore each other, there needed to be clear boundaries. She needed to clarify what they were, what they weren't.

And that was how JJ justified seeing Emily, alone, at night, at her hotel, but it was more than that. It was always more than that with them.

Emily groaned as she sat down on her hotel suite's sofa in the small living room area, setting a glass and a bottle of whisky on the glass coffee table in front of her, debating on whether or not to drink it. The bottle had been a welcome home gift from Rossi. Alcohol, how appropriate given the condition her life was in. Ironically though, Emily had been advised against drinking because of her ulcer, the woman in a constant state of tension and stress that made it nearly impossible for her to unwind. She had refused to take the sleeping pills she was prescribed, seeing the medication as some sort of failure, a sign that she wasn't herself. Why she didn't view alcohol in the same light was inexplicable.

Emily audibly sighed as Sergio curled up next to her, at least he had gladly welcomed her back, the small cat a little plumper than he was when she left him. "Garcia sure did spoil you didn't she Serg?" She asked as she poked him the stomach, eliciting a dirty look from the feline.

"Sorry" she laughed as she raised her hands in surrender and rubbed her tired eyes, trying to banish Tsai, the warehouse, Doyle, and Declan's haunted expression from her mind. She couldn't remember the last time she slept well.

Well that was a lie, she remembered exactly when that was, but maybe it was better to forget that memory altogether, or try to at least.

"Fuck it" Emily merely said as she poured herself a drink and downed it, pouring herself another one before she heard a knocking at the door, briefly startling her. It's funny, no cruel, how the mind works. Emily knew Doyle was dead, she had seen it happen before her eyes. However, in those brief moments after hearing a foreign noise, or in her dreams, he was very much alive. He was immortal. Emily shook the thoughts from her head, opening her hotel door to find JJ in the hallway.

"JJ?"

"I just want to talk about us."

We're going to pick back up with this conversation after a flashback chapter.

I hope mentioning the whole custody issue clears up why leaving Will is such a big deal for JJ. My dad is a divorce attorney and custody cases can get so fucking messy it's ridiculous.

As a minor spoiler, I'm working on a mature scene at the moment. I believe the advice given was, 'go big or go home.' Anyway, my roommate is gay and I think my questions may have traumatized her forever, but her emotional scarring is for your sake. Life is full of sacrifices.