Sorry that I didn't update yesterday. I meant to, but…college. I had three papers I had to work on, my mother called, my friend said I was the 'Charlotte' of our group (Seriously? Charlotte? Why don't you just stab me in the heart with an ice pick?) and then there was a wicked disastrous tanning lotion incident.

Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing. After this chapter things are going to get a little more interesting, both in the flashbacks and 'pretense' tense of this story.

The first cases since Emily had been back had been adjustment. It wasn't that her skills had suffered, it was just that she felt the need to prove herself, to prove that she belonged on the team, and that desire to belong was even worse than when she was first brought into the BAU. It was a pattern in her life, trying to prove she belonged, even if her methods were ultimately detrimental to her.

But she could tell that things had changed, maybe not with everyone on the team, but the shift was still there. Hotch, oddly enough, respected her a little more, impressed with her previous work history and desire to do anything in her power to protect the team. Additionally, Rossi tried to ensure that Emily felt comfortable again, in no way embittered by the methods Hotch, JJ, and the State Department had to use to keep Emily's survival a secret. He felt that there really was no other choice. Garcia was the same, except she would hug Emily a little longer each time the brunette left on cases. The technical analyst was a bit more needy, somehow even more over the top in her adoration of Emily, who couldn't help but feel guilty. How she had treated Garcia before leaving for Boston had bothered the raven haired woman for months, the woman's heart wrenching voicemail replaying in her head on repeat most nights before she tried to fall asleep. However, while Garcia, Rossi, and Hotch had warmly welcomed Emily back, her return was a bit more complex with the rest of the team.

First, Emily focused on trying to fix things with Reid, who was even more upset with JJ than her, lashing out on a case in Oklahoma. At first Emily had tried to ignore his behavior, he had a right to be upset and maybe he was being short with the blonde because he truly was busy. But it was the snide remarks and the police precinct outburst that compelled Emily to talk to the genius on the BAU jet home. Ironically it was the resident 'genius' that had the most difficulty understanding that they had no other choice than to lie to him. And while Emily was elated that Reid showed up to Rossi's cooking class debacle, part of her knew it would never be the same again. He would never fully trust her like he did before, and probably never confide in her again. He would be cordial, he might even be warm, but their relationship would never be the same, forever tainted by her deceit which stemmed from her desire to protect the group of people she had come to see as she family.

Next Emily devoted most of her spare time to repairing her friendship with Morgan. Emily knew it had been the hardest on him. He had seen her 'die' in his arms, so she complied with every absurd request for her to prove she was ready for field work again. Emily would never point it out but Morgan seemed to forget that she had more field experience than he did and she didn't exactly transfer to the BAU from a desk job like she had led on. However, she felt that if it made him more at ease with her in the field, and enabled him to better concentrate instead of fixating on her safety, than who was she to argue?

And then there was JJ.

Everything was always complicated with JJ. It had been since the moment they met. And despite saying otherwise a few weeks earlier in her hotel room, Emily knew the best course of action was to avoid the blonde, remaining cordial and friendly at work but drawing the line after leaving the FBI building. Sure, JJ had ended things before in her own unique way, but this time was different. There was something much more definite about this time. It looked like JJ really wanted to put an end to their affair, not that she was just saying things needed to end because it was what was expected of her. This break up, if you could call it that, seemed to be more genuine and Emily was going to support that decision. What they were doing wasn't healthy for either of them. But there was a specific phrase that JJ had kept repeating that stuck with the brunette.

"I owe it to him."

What did JJ mean by that? Who did she owe what to? Henry or Will?

It was later than usual when JJ walked into the BAU, noticing that Emily was observing a conversation between Garcia and Hotch through his office window. JJ sighed as she observed the brunette woman. How many times would she have to tell Emily they could be friends before the other woman stopped ignoring her? Maybe she needed to make the first move to show that friendship was still a possibility between the two, that it wasn't all or nothing between them.

"I so don't miss that face" JJ began as she took a seat on Emily's desk, crossing her legs, surprised when the action didn't garner Emily's attention. Emily always had a thing for legs before, didn't she? Perhaps the brunette's lack of interest was better anyway, they were done with that part of their relationship. "No matter how many cases we solve, there's always more."

Emily kept her eyes trained on the window as she pointed her thumb over towards Reid, "Insert Dr. Reid's statistic about active serial killers at any given time here" she stated in a matter of fact tone that made JJ smile. "Reid?"

Shocked by his missing a statistical opportunity JJ whistled over at the man, "Spencer."

"There's something wrong."

"Why do you say that?"

"He's been reading the same page for 16 minutes and 24 seconds" The man answered JJ as Emily turned to face Rossi.

"Maybe it's a really good article" Emily offered with a small shrug.

"It's never taken him longer than 11 minutes."

Emily briefly closed her eyes, attempting to stifle an eye roll as she spoke up with an amused look on her face, "You time how long it…" she stopped herself as JJ gave her a look, Emily taking the hint. How was Emily still surprised by his Reid-isms? He had timed JJ's reading before, knowing exactly how many words she read per minute. This was just who he was. "What's your theory?"

"I'm extrapolating probabilities as we speak" Reid remarked as he walked off, leaving JJ and Emily alone again. And in that moment JJ felt that maybe it was possible for them to be friends. Maybe this could work.

The team's case in Angeles National Forest was odd and JJ noticed that the team was a bit off. Emily appeared to be more emotionally drained than usual, which really irritated JJ because she worried that all of Morgan's stupid training sessions were wearing on Emily. They had enough work without him tacking on more. Additionally Rossi seemed distracted, which was out of character for him. And to top it all off, the case was just plain weird. Bodies were showing up having had signs of resuscitation. Granted, JJ was new at this whole profiling thing, but this didn't make sense to her. Why bother giving someone CPR if you're going to kill them again literally five minutes later?

On the other hand, this made perfect sense to Emily, which was a little disconcerting. It's a strange feeling to have a bond with a unsub, but this time she did. She understood the need to know if a near-death experience can change, because hers had just reminded her of how alone she was truly was. Admittedly, she wasn't completely alone but it sure felt that way when her life started to slip away from her. It's funny how life works. All Emily wanted was to forget that night, and somehow it kept coming up. Life kept reminding her.

"If this unsub is so obsessed with death, then Jake Shepherd was the perfect person to talk to. He's been there and back again" Hotch remarked to the group of profilers gathered in the conference room of the station as they attempted to narrow down a motivation for the unsub, hoping it would aid in completing the profile.

"But come on, guys" Morgan began in an almost irritated voice. This entire theory was completely ridiculous to him. "Gentle lights, shadowy figures? Those are the lights in the emergency room and the doctors hovering over the patients. We all know that. No one actually sees the afterlife" he concluded with a condescending gesture.

It wasn't like Morgan intended to be insulting, he was just, fortunately, ignorant on the subject. In fact, most of the team didn't know any different and, as a result, Emily felt guilty that she was crippling the investigation by withholding her own experiences, her understanding of the unsub. But she didn't owe that information to anyone right? It was too fresh to share with the team. It was private. She could keep it private she internally reminded herself as Reid spoke up.

"I did" Reid stated in a matter of fact tone as all the team members' eyes focused on him. "Before Tobias Hankel resuscitated me I had that exact experience. And I wasn't in an emergency room. I was in a shed."

"Reid, you never told me that" Morgan replied as he stayed fixated on the younger man, ashamed by how insensitive he had been about the issue.

"I'm a man of science. I-I didn't know how to deal with it. There's no quantifiable proof that God exists, and yet, in that moment I was faced with something that I couldn't explain. I still can't."

Hotch went along with the line of reasoning, further expounding on the theory that the unsub was motivated by the desire to know what happened after death. "What if this unsub has had a similar experience and this is his way of looking for answers?"

"If that's the case why kill Jake Shepherd? Why not just talk to him?" Rossi questioned, which made Emily feel compelled to speak up. Reid had been brave enough to share his experience for the sake of the case and she felt she should too.

Fuck Emily internally groaned before beginning, careful not to show any emotion on her face, "He wanted to see if he had the same experience as before."

"Once isn't enough?" JJ questioned as she leaned forward, her eyes intently trained on the brunette. She looked tired, and despite her best attempts to hide it, JJ could tell this was a subject that bothered Emily. She could tell that Emily hated talking about this, thoroughly despising the feeling of being vulnerable and completely exposed in front of her friends. However, oddly enough, it was Emily's vulnerability that made JJ feel like Emily was the strongest person she knew, and that inner strength was magnetizing.

"Not if Jake didn't see the same thing the unsub did. He wants to know if the experience can change. I can relate to that" Emily added, surprising herself that she had made the remark as she purposely avoided JJ's gaze and instead made eye contact with Hotch, the man's expression signally that she needed to elaborate. "Reid felt a warmth and saw a light. When I coded in the ambulance all I felt was cold and darkness...And I would like to think that there's a different future waiting for me."

"You actually died?" Reid asked as Emily attempted to try to find the right words before Morgan saved her.

"All right, but resuscitation is hit or miss."

Emily internally breathed a sigh of relief as the team went on in their various theories. But JJ couldn't help but stay focused on Emily, reminded of how close she had been to losing the other woman. Perhaps this is why the FBI was so against fraternization, because in that moment JJ couldn't have cared less about Jake Shepherd, or the unsub, or even the victims. It was deplorable and unprofessional, and even as they headed out to apprehend the suspect, all the blonde could think about was how close she had come to losing Emily. All she could focus on was Bethesda, Paris, and, of course, Emily.

It always came back to Emily.

"I need a drink" JJ groaned as she exited the BAU jet, walking beside Emily as she made her way to her car at the private airstrip parking lot.

"Well it is five thirty morning so good luck with that" Emily chuckled after looking at her watch. Immediately after finishing up the case in California the team unanimously decided to fly back home that night, in theory hoping to catch some sleep on the plane. However, Emily hadn't been so lucky, sleep hadn't been coming easy to her since Doyle's reappearance. But then again what had?

JJ smiled as she approached her car, leaning on the door rather than opening it, "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Your place or mine?"

"Well that's a stupid question" Emily teased with a smirk, causing the blonde to giggle.

"Okay your place it is, I'll meet you there" JJ smiled as she finally got into her car, debating on what to tell Will. She decided against calling. He didn't know what time they were landing and it was five thirty in the morning. He needed sleep, no need to inconvenience him with trivial matters concerning Emily. Or that was how she justified it. That was how she always justified it, as protecting him, as protecting Henry. And JJ truly believed that in her own twisted way she was protecting them. She was protecting them for the person she could be. Much like Emily, perfection was a learned skill for the blonde, one she had picked up as a child. As a result very few people knew who she really was, but Emily knew. Emily knew because Emily was the same way. They both projected images, facades that did imitate who they really were but that weren't completely accurate. Emily always let on to be completely confident, self-assured, unaffected, even if it wasn't necessarily the case. And JJ, well Emily saw JJ for what she truly was, scared.

Thanks again for your reviews. I have received some requests for Emily to have a love interest and I am getting to that, and yes she will be a team member to make things a little more interesting for JJ. However, the pretense tense is going to remain focused on Emily/JJ for now...

Also, I like to foreshadow so there are little hints about how this story is going to play out.