Sorry I've been so terrible about updating lately, my life has been super crazy and I just turned 21 last weekend so that was insane. I think September-November is like a birthday cluster. Anyway I'm aiming to be able to update at least 2x a week. Since I'm going home for the weekend I hope I'll be able to get some writing done on the train.

Thanks again for all of your reviews. Reviews help me remember to update so please leave one. Thanks again.

Emily gave JJ a warm smile after popping into her office. She was worried about the blonde throughout the duration of the case since JJ had seemed so emotional. The level of attachment JJ had to the simple stalking case was borderline unprofessional. It wasn't that Emily felt JJ wasn't good at her job, she just felt like this time she was too invested, which, at times, could prove be a hinderance in the field. "You should go" Emily encouraged as she looked at the younger woman, her body tense and letting on that she was obviously stressed. "Keri's gonna be ok."

"I know" JJ quickly replied back, her manner a bit short with the brunette.

"Ok" Emily remarked with a questioning look, "Then what is it? Because you've been a little off."

"Really, I'm just, I'm tired."

Emily knew that wasn't entirely it, but decided that the BAU probably wasn't the best place to press on. JJ would talk to her when she felt it was right and Emily respected that. That is how their 'friendship' worked. Sometimes they needed time before they were ready to talk, but they were honest with each other, for the most part. Emily understood the need to process certain issues alone better than anyone. "Ok" Emily offered with a nod before continuing on, "Well, go home. Get some sleep."

JJ smiled in reply, watching as Emily, who had looked like she was about to leave the office, focused on a book resting amongst the stacks of case files on the blonde's desk. "What?"

"'This is the saddest story I have ever heard.'"

"What?" JJ questioned with an eyebrow raised, prompting Emily to chuckle

"It's the first line" The brunette clarified in an amused tone. "Just read the book" Emily directed as she left the cluttered office, JJ nodding in reply before taking a deep breath as she took out the white folded paper and placed it in front of her. There was no more hiding now. This would be something that one would typically do at home, but for some reason she felt compelled to stay. Maybe because for some odd reason the BAU gave her some sort of comfort, a sense of stability. Stability, which was what she desperately needed because one sentence, one word could change her life forever. One word scribbled on an otherwise insignificant piece of white printer paper would mean obligations, responsibilities.

It would mean Will.

The blonde slightly gulped as she opened the folded blood test results, the formerly crisp paper moistening and already marred by the imprints left by her sweaty fingers. She couldn't bring herself to take a home pregnancy test. They weren't infallible. She needed certainty and you can't get more certain than elevated HCG levels in a blood test.

Speaking of blood, JJ could now taste it in her mouth, not realizing that she had been chewing on the inside of her cheek whilst the terrifying thoughts of motherhood raced through her head. She had never been more nervous in her entire life. Not when she was opening her college acceptance letters, not before her first FBI interview, not before first meeting Hotch, not the night before her first day on the job, not before her first press conference, and not even when first meeting Emily. This was different. This was real life. Because sure, she could always go to another college.

She could try to find another job.

First impressions weren't always everything.

But being pregnant? This was something she couldn't undo, it would always be a part of her, whether she had the baby or not. And JJ always knew that if she found herself in this situation she would have the baby. JJ's entire body tensed as she scanned the paper. There were technical terms written, hormonal levels given, but there one only one word that stood out to the blonde.

Pregnant.

It was after reading that one word that JJ recognized the sound of laughing, taking a few moments to realize that the laughter was coming from her. It was funny how things worked out. JJ started to develop feelings for Emily, cowardly tried to deny them, and started dating Will. But despite her fears, she couldn't help but be in love with Emily, so she started sleeping with Emily too. Emily, who was perfectly fine with a friends with benefits arrangement. Then Emily sees her and Will interacting in a strictly professional manner and encourages her to make it work with Will. Hilariously, hoping for Emily to get jealous or show that she cared in some way, JJ did go after Will and now, now any chance of her and Emily working out just became slimmer. She was pregnant, and this whole game of emotional chicken with Emily was over. Because this wasn't just her life she was fucking with anymore. It was her baby's too, and she owed that little person the right of growing up with two parents.

JJ laughed bitterly at the results, hating that she resented the life growing inside her. She should be happy, and someday she probably would be, but not that night. That night, as she picked up the phone to call Will, JJ felt anything but happy, anything but relief. This wasn't supposed to happen, but it was her fault. Fault. The word made JJ feel incredibly guilty because she saw this child as a consequence of poor decisions. How many infertile women would have killed to be in this position? The situation was seemingly ideal, pregnant with a loving boyfriend and a stable well-paying job. And here she was so unappreciative of it, so ambivalent to it. Sure, she would love her baby, that she had no doubt of, but now she was forever connected to a man she wasn't in love with. And the person she was in love with had pushed her towards him because she didn't want her. And if Emily didn't want her before she definitely wouldn't want her now.

How was she going to tell Emily?

"Hello darlin'" Will warmly greeted on the phone, shaking JJ from her internal ramblings.

"Hey, it's me." It was a stupid thing to say. Of course he knew who it was, unless he called someone else 'darlin' behind her back. Would Will cheat on her? Well that point was moot because she was already engaged in an affair. But to be fair, Emily did come first. "Got a minute?"

"Sure do, somethin' bothering ya? Ya alright?" He sweetly questioned, picking up on the nervousness in her voice. He wasn't a profiler but he knew her.

"Yeah, I'm fine" JJ answered at her bit her bottom lip, was she lying? Was she truly 'fine?'

"Okay then, how was your day?"

"Fine" JJ answered again as she shook her head. He was trying so hard for a conversation but she wasn't really in the mood for idle chatter. She needed to tell him. He deserved to know that they were having a baby together. "Uh, we just really need to talk...I'm pregnant" she blurted out all at once, covering her eyes in embarrassment, not comprehending why it was such an embarrassing thing to announce.

"JJ this is great!" He exclaimed as the blonde took a deep breath to still her nerves, somehow feeling worse than before she had called Will, because he was so excited at the prospect and she was nothing but conflicted. It wasn't that she was opposed to having children. It was something that she had wanted eventually, but the key was that she had wanted them 'eventually,' not right then. She had always wanted a family, just on her own terms. An unexpected pregnancy was not what she had in mind. She had wanted to raise them with someone she was truly in love with, and as horrible and confusing as it was to admit, she had wanted to raise them with Emily.

She's running through the forest, her blonde hair getting into her eyes, mouth, and nose. But the annoyance is irrelevant, because she knows she has to get to it. She has to find the black rose. Why is she lost? It was so simple, so easy to find before and now? And now she has no idea where she's running to, all she knows is why she's running. Because she needs it. It's more than a simple desire or want, it's a need.

She's running in circles, knowing each turn is a wrong one but making it anyway. It's like she's watching all of this unfold in front of her but unable to speak up to help herself find it. Her chest is heaving as she finally runs past a creek she thinks looks familiar. Is it a creek? Because the second she spots it, it seems to evolve before her eyes, turning into more trees that seem to block her off from the empty plain. But despite the barriers, she makes it. She's there. She's sure of it this time, and there is certain sense of pride and relief that passes over her.

But even though she's there, it's not. It's not there and she can't help the tears that start falling after realizing that the black rose is gone. And as she begins to fall apart a faint horn cuts into the meadow's silence.

"Fuck" JJ quietly groaned as she tenderly removed the limbs draped over her body, repositioning herself so she still touching Emily's body but also able to check the clock resting on the floor. It was almost noon. JJ felt her chest contracting at the realization that she had never called home the night before, or that morning. She hadn't called Will or Henry. She was so wrapped up in Emily that she completely forgot. Emily, who was still asleep, which was odd. Normally the brunette was a light sleeper and the smallest movement would wake her, but this time JJ got out of the bed without Emily even slightly stirring. The blonde assumed that Emily hadn't slept well in weeks, no probably months. JJ recovered the other woman with the comforter and tiptoed out of the room, taking out her cell phone as she exited the apartment, her hair giving the appearance that she had down more than just sleep with the brunette.

"Fuck" she groaned as she took out a mirror to check her appearance, brushing out her hair in the hallway as she dialed Will's number. "Will…"

"JJ where the hell have ya been? I was callin' you all night. I was worried…"

"I'm sorry" JJ replied in a quiet voice as she used her free hand to rub her left temple.

"Well that's not good enough when Henry's cryin' for his mama…"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that he kept cryin' until he finally fell asleep because his mama doesn't know how to answer her fucking phone" Will scolded in a harsher tone than he meant to use. "He was upset most of the night waiting for ya, maybe he was even worried. Goddamn it JJ, I was."

"But is Henry okay? He's not sick or anything right? No one hurt him right?" JJ cut him off, nervously rambling off various questions as she heard Will huff on the other end of the line.

"Yeah he's fine" he relented with a sign, "He just wanted ya to read him a story but ya didn' call. He thought you were hurt or somethin.' I don't know. I was worried too, you always call. I almost called your boss."

"No, it's, I'm fine. I guess I just got busy and the case was tough" JJ covered before taking a deep breath. It wasn't necessarily a flat-out lie, she had been busy and the case was tough, especially after hearing Emily's near-death confession. Okay, so technically withholding pertinent information was lying, but it wasn't like she could tell the truth. JJ couldn't even fathom what that conversation would sound like and she never intended to find out. In addition to all of this, JJ couldn't believe that she had totally forgotten about her son, so consumed with Emily that Henry wasn't even on her radar. "I'm sorry" she offered, her voice cracking as Will noticed the tears in her voice, regretting that they were caused by his harsh rebuke.

"Oh it's okay JJ. I'm sorry I was so hard on ya. I know you're workin' and, well, did ya want to talk 'bout whatever it is?"

"No" JJ responded as she wiped at her eyes, disgusted at herself for still lying to Will. Sure, technically nothing had really happened with Emily the night before but she wanted something to happen, thinking, no fantasizing about the idea for most of the night, which was why she was reacting so emotionally. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically, the thoughts of Emily plaguing the blonde for the most of the early morning hours, to the point where she had barely slept. And in that moment JJ was completely disgusted with herself, because it was her selfish desires that had caused her to completely forget about Henry, the little boy left crying himself to sleep, worried that his mother was hurt. JJ felt like she kept failing everyone and she didn't know how to stop.

Well that was a lie. She knew exactly how to stop but she didn't want to. Because she loved Emily and maybe part of her was always meant to be with the brunette, but she had responsibilities at home.

"Well I don't know what to say Darlin', I didn't mean to make you so upset. Lady issues?" Will naively asked as JJ couldn't help but crack a small smile.

"Yeah something like that" JJ agreed as she got into her car, closing her eyes as she leaned her head against the car window. "I'm trying and I know it's not good enough…"

"JJ…"

"No Will, I know it's not good enough" The blonde admitted as the tears continued to stream down her face while she gazed up at Emily's apartment building. Should she have left a note? It wasn't like they had slept together, well they had but that was all it was- sleep. Should notes of explanation about leaving be left in those instances? It didn't feel like she was obligated to leave a note. But then again, she wasn't obligated to do anything for Emily anymore. Those were the rules they had to play by to ensure that things between them didn't escalate. Ironically, although she hadn't technically cheated on Will, the previous night with Emily felt more intimate than some of the nights when they had actually had sex. "Can you just…I'm coming home right now, don't take Henry to daycare. I want to stay home with him."

"Okay, I'll tell him. He'll be happy" Will replied in an ecstatic tone which made JJ smile.

"Yeah, he will" she merely responded as she turned the ignition and headed home, unaware that she was missing an earring.

There are some clues in this chapter that hint to how things are going to play out. And the little book references I'm leaving in this story are a part of that...