If you had asked JJ how she got off the roof and into the hospital bed she was sitting up in she couldn't answer you. Everything since Emily was shot was a haze. She didn't remember screaming and berating the paramedics when they gave up on Emily and covered her dead body with a white sheet. She didn't remember Morgan helping carry her down off the roof. She didn't remember Hotch stroking her hair on the ambulance ride over to the hospital. She didn't remember Garcia waiting with her as a doctor checked every part of her body for injury. She didn't remember asking that same doctor where Emily was and if she was okay. She didn't remember Will walking into the room and trying to give her a hug, only for her to move away. She didn't remember any of it.

"So Agent Jareau," The doctor began in a cheerful tone. He was about thirty-five, blonde hair, blue eyes and very pale- too pale. For some inexplicable reason JJ hated him, maybe because he acted like there was good to be found in a time like this. "It looks like we can discharge you. You're okay."

"Thank you Dr. Morrow," Will replied, looking to JJ who chose to ignore both of them.

"Well thank you for your service. Have a good night," Dr. Morrow offered in a semi-interested tone as he wrote something on the chart and proceeded to leave the room.

"'Kay Jay, let's get you home," Will said as he fetched a wheelchair from the hallway.

"Will," JJ began as Will suddenly jerked his body to face her.

"Ya, darlin'?"

JJ focused on the white board in front of her, wondering if Emily had a room similar to hers, until remembering that this time Emily wasn't invincible. Prentiss beats stake, bullet beats Prentiss, "Are you happy?"

Will tilts his head at the question, unsure what JJ is asking, "Of course. I'm very relieved."

"Not this- just, are you happy?"

"JJ, I don't-"

"I don't think you are," JJ states diplomatically.

Will is shocked they were having this conversation then. Yes, he wondered himself if he was happy. He assumed that getting married would solve some of their issues. That it would bring them closer together, but it didn't. It still felt like they were roommates who occasionally-rarely-had sex and loved parenting a little boy together. He wouldn't dare say it now, but he also assumed that Emily being gone would fix everything. Yet, her moving to London didn't do anything for their relationship besides give him assurance that the affair would be over- the physical part at least. Will wasn't sure if the emotional one ever would be. "We don't have to talk about this now," Will offers. He's content to table it for a more appropriate time.

"Then we'll never talk about it," JJ contradicts, sounding completely out of it. "I'm sorry."

"JJ?"

"I don't- I can't, not anymore. I'm sorry," JJ cries, her entire body shaking as Will attempts to give her a hug, his hands hovering over her body. He wasn't sure if she wanted him to touch her.

"I know ya are," Will soothes, "I know ya are."

And for the first time in what seemed like forever JJ made a completely selfish decision. A decision that wasn't based on Henry, or Will, or Emily. A decision made purely for herself, and she was choosing Emily Prentiss.

A snowstorm had moved in the day after Emily died.

The Ambassador was coming into town. JJ would've protested at the arrangements she was making in union with the FBI. It was all such a production and Emily would've hated it, but JJ couldn't imagine what it must feel like to bury your only child. So she chose to just ignore every update Hotch forwarded her. Will had moved into the spare bedroom the following day and by day three JJ had found a note that said he was staying with a friend in D.C., and that he could pick up Henry if he was too much for her. If anything she needed the distraction of the little boy.

By day four Henry had asked why his mommy had been so sad, and JJ was forced to tell him that his aunt Emily had gotten very hurt and had to see his aunt Rosaline and grandfathers in Heaven. He seemed content with the answer, until he asked if she would keep sending him letters.

By day five the funeral was ready. The ground had melted just enough to bury her before another system moved in. JJ couldn't help but think that it had been frozen because the earth knew it wasn't ready for her yet.

JJ was sitting on a white, granite bench outside the church, careful not to snag her black tights on the rough legs of the bench. She straightened out her black long sleeve dress as she stared at the cathedral. Emily always hated churches. Funerals are for the living she kept reminding herself. It wasn't what Emily would've wanted, but it was what Emily's mother needed.

"JJ," a voice shook her from her thoughts. Instead of Morgan or Rossi or Garcia like she might have expected, it was Will standing in front of her in a black suit. "Howya holding up?"

"I'm…" JJ drifted off as she analyzed the look of her breath leaving her mouth. She was shocked he would even show up. She wasn't sure she would have, if the situation had been reversed. But when she thought about it, it wasn't that shocking. Will was always good, pure hearted. "I don't know," she finally answers.

"I'm sorry I left," Will said with a small frown, as he dug in hands further into the pockets of his black suit pants. His nose was red and running from the cold, assumedly. "I couldn't be there right now. I think ya time alone 'nyway."

"Yeah."

Will tries to think of something to reply with, but instead decides against it when he sees Morgan approaching in the distance. "Think ya friend will want to see you. See ya inside," he says solemnly says as he gives her shoulder a firm squeeze and walks towards the cathedral.

"Hey," Morgan says as he sits besides JJ, scooting to better face her, studying her red, puffy eyes.

"Hey."

"How are things going at home?" He asks as he nods towards Will's retreating figure.

JJ takes a deep breath, sniffling and attempting to get enough air in to fill her lungs, "It's okay. Garcia talked to you?"

"Mm," he offers noncommittally. JJ had told Garcia the day after Emily died that her marriage was probably over. To be honest, she wasn't sure if it ever started. To the outside world it might've looked like a rash decision, but to the people who knew them both- it felt more like 'finally.'

JJ had made a lot of "easy" decisions over the years, but the easiest one to admit was that she loved Emily Prentiss more in death than she ever did Will in life. The truth was that JJ grew up scared. Scared that she wouldn't live up to the happy family life her parents had made for her. Scared that she wouldn't live the perfect life her mother needed her to have after her sister died- her mother's hopes and dreams solely resting on her. But then she realized that she didn't want her son to have that same fear. She didn't want him to have such a narrow vision of happiness: two parents staying together out of obligation. Life was too short to not cherish the person you loved.

She and Emily had been on-and-off for five years and the only times she really regretted were the "off" times. "Can I ask you something?" Morgan ventures and JJ nods for him to continue. The most recent thoughts about Emily make her afraid that if she opens her mouth only cries will come out.

"Why now?"

JJ debates on whether or not to tell Morgan all the thoughts she had just run through in her head, but he wouldn't get it. So she decided to tell him the part that he would, "Emily said something to me once. She said that when she was…after Doyle stabbed her she saw me. It bothered her at the time because we weren't good then, and she was with Seaver. But I was still the one person she thought about. I was the one person she wanted to see in that moment," JJ gulps and takes a deep, burning breath before being able to continue again. "When I thought I was going to break, I saw her. I only saw Emily. She was like a dream, an oasis. I only wanted her. I've always just wanted her. I wish I had admitted it sooner. Fuck, Derek, I wish for so many things. I wish Hotch had never called her. I wish she had never picked up the phone. I wish I hadn't run after Hastings. I wish he ran out of bullets. I wish…I wish I could change so many things, everything about that night."

Morgan furrows his brow, processing. He's unsure of what to say. What do you even say in a situation like that? When someone finally admits out loud to you that there's only one person they've ever truly loved, and that person died in their arms. Morgan had seen tragedies up close, more than he could and should be able to count, but there was something about this that especially struck him. Maybe it was because they were all so close. Maybe it was because he always blamed JJ for everything because he didn't really understand her until recently, until right then. Maybe it was because he heard her screams and cries for Emily. She was so vulnerable, like a small child- trying to convince him that Emily was just hurt and would be okay. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that…"

JJ shakes her head at the apology. She didn't want the pity because some people never even had a tenth of what she had with Emily, and she would never trade those fleeting moments for anything. "Sometimes love stories don't have happy endings. Sometimes they just end," JJ says firmly, prompting Morgan to look at her. She offers him a heartbreaking smile, clutching the- her- single black rose in her hands, "But I would do it all over again."

"Yeah?"

Emily followed JJ into the cluttered office, choosing not to remark on the empty chip bags and old papers adorning it. She couldn't believe it was such a mess, especially considering that the BAU offices actually had a professional cleaning staff. JJ had made that entire mess in one day.

"What?" The blonde asked defensively as she sat at her desk and looked around for the stack of papers she needed Emily to sign before finishing their orientation.

"Nothing."

JJ bit her lip in embarrassment as she looked at her messy desk, "I know it's just-"

"No, it's not that," Emily covered as she looked at the desk and zeroed on a book poking out from underneath a manila folder, "I was just looking at your book. Wurthering Heights- it's one of my favorites."

"Oh yeah?" JJ excitedly asked, giving Emily a sense of relief. Crisis averted.

"Yeah, well, you know, I love the ending. Can't help but love a good sad ending."

"Sad ending?"

Emily chuckled, not realizing that JJ was genuinely confused and not making a comment about the characters, "I know. One of my best friends in college didn't like them either, but I think they're perfectly flawed. I could say you remind me of Catherine and I would mean it as a compliment."

"Okay."

"I'm just saying. I still think it's sad when they die."

"They die!" JJ exclaims as Emily cringed.

"I'm sorry," Emily nearly squeaks as the blonde starts laughing. She drops her head into her hands to groan. "I'm so embarrassed. I really thought you had read it already and we were having a discussion about the characters," Emily said as she covered her mouth with her hands, JJ still laughing at her. There was no way the media liaison could be mad at the other woman for such an honest mistake.

"Why would I be reading a book if I already read it?"

"Everyone re-reads the classics!" Emily defended before starting to laugh herself.

"Well I was going to have you sign these," The younger woman said as she dropped the file folder she had been searching for in front of Emily, "And then invite you to get some coffee, but you were only a possible friend until you ruined the end for me," JJ teased as she tossed the copy of Wurthering Heights across her messy desk in Emily's direction, a few files toppling over the side.

"Hey, when you think about it I did you a favor."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, everyone always thinks the best part is the ending, but it's not. You have the most fun getting there. It's about the journey, Jayje. Now you can focus on the journey," Emily covered nonchalantly as she lay back in the visitor's chair across from JJ.

"Mmm."

"You don't believe me?" Emily asked incredulously as she brought up a hand to her heart. JJ just laughs at the other woman's dramatics. "Plus, you must've known it would end badly anyway."

"And why is that?" JJ asks as she leans forward in her chair, resting her elbows on the desk and her chin on her linked knuckles.

Emily laughs at the question, like it's the most absurd and obvious thing she had ever heard, "Because nobody writes love stories with happy endings- well no good ones anyway."

"Oh is that so, Agent Prentiss?"

"Pretty much."

"And why do you think that?"

"Because everyone loves a good tragedy."

"Even you?"

"Oh especially me," Emily teased with a lopsided grim that couldn't help but make JJ start laughing again.

JJ merely smiles at the memory of their first meeting, "Yes."

THE END.

Let me just, I'm sorry for killing Emily. I started writing this three years ago with the intention of her dying in the final chapters and spent a lot of time on plotting out where to drop little hints, what book titles to include, foreshadowing and picking the right episodes/flashback episodes. It was the only way I could connect all those things together without it falling apart.

Thank you so much for reading. Come back in 9 years for my next story lol.