Notes: If you don't get it, go watch The Marx Brothers
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans, but neither do you!
That's Not Normal
Ch. 4: Monkey Business
The Titans were relaxing, though they were a little bored, on this ordinary day. Suddenly, Beast Boy ran in clutching something in his hand.
"Dudes," he exclaimed, "Look what I got for being the most frequent customer at the pizza place. Five free tickets for a luxury cruise!"
"Glorious!" exclaimed Starfire, "This should be most exciting. We must all go this cruise of luxury."
"I don't know if we should," Robin said.
"Come on, Rob," Cyborg replied, "There hasn't been any signs of trouble."
"We need the relaxation," Raven added.
"We certainly do," someone else said.
The Titans turned to see Kid Flash, Jinx, and for some reason, Jericho.
"Quit doing that," Raven said in an obviously annoyed voice.
"I can't help but let myself in," Kid Flash responded.
"I'll take one of those tickets," Jinx said.
"What's Jericho doing here?" BB asked as to change the subject.
"We just sort of ran into him," KF replied.
"Did you hurt him?"
"Less talking and more giving up the ticket," Jinx said.
"But there's only five tickets and eight of us," Cy said.
"I won them, so I'm going," BB said, "And if I go, Raven goes with me."
"You're too kind," Rae replied.
"Well I know I'm going," Cy said.
"I too wish to go, but do not wish to leave Robin here," Star said.
"It would be a little boring if we left the fastest teen alive here all alone," Jinx said.
"Don't worry, dudes," BB said, "I've got a plan."
Later
Five Titans boarded the ship. They were then shown to their rooms. An average room for Starfire, another just like it for Cyborg, and a large suite for Raven and Jinx.
"Hey, Raven," BB said as he passed, "Wanna meet me in my room?"
"Why?"
"You know why," BB replied as he lay down on her bed.
"Get off the bed," she ordered, "What would people say?"
"They'll probably say you're a very lucky woman."
He was then engulfed in black energy and thrown out.
"Fine," Rae said, "I'll see you in ten minutes."
BB smirked as he left. Now Beast Boy had a trunk with him that was the size of a small refrigerator. So that was quite a problem when his 'suite' turned out to be the size of a small closet.
"Dude, is this my room?"
"Yes sir, suite 58," replied the baggage handler as he shoved in the trunk.
"That's a big number for this birdcage."
"I'm sure you'll find it cozy. Will that be all, sir?"
"Yeah, thanks."
Beast Boy squeezed into the room himself after the handler left. He closed the door and knocked on the trunk. It opened to reveal Robin and Kid Flash crammed inside.
"Hey, boss," KF said.
"Man, it's cramped in here," Robin griped.
"Well once we get out into the open ocean there'll be plenty of room. Where's Jericho?"
BB saw the drawer in the trunk and pulled it open. There was Jericho curled up and fast asleep with a bicycle horn in one hand.
"Don't wake him up," KF said, "He's trying to sleep off his insomnia."
"Very funny, but I've got a date in a few minutes."
"How about some food first?" asked KF as he lifted Jericho out of the trunk.
"We'll talk about it later," BB shot back.
"We get food or we don't go."
BB sighed, "Why not, it's all expenses paid?"
Defeated, BB slid past the trunk and stood outside of the door.
"Remember, you guys are technically stowaways. So keep quiet."
"We won't say a word," KF replied as he laid Jericho on the small bed.
BB shut the door and called for the steward.
"Steward! Hey, Stew!"
The steward came around the corner with a, "Yes, sir."
"What's for lunch?"
"Anything you like, sir. Tomato juice, orange juice, grape juice, pineapple juice…"
"Hey, turn off the juice before I get electrocuted," BB joked.
After a quick chuckle to himself he continued.
"Give me one of each."
"Yes, sir," the steward replied, writing down the order.
"A large salad with Italian dressing, a large order of tofu with barbecue and soy sauce, plenty of bread, be it garlic or French, and…"
BB paused to think of the others.
"Also two fried eggs, two poached eggs, two scrambled eggs –"
"And two hard-boiled eggs," KF said from behind the door.
BB paused to give the door an annoyed look.
"And two hard-boiled eggs," he continued.
'Honk' went Jericho's horn.
"Make that three hard-boiled eggs," BB said.
He paused yet again to think.
"Roast beef: rare, medium, well-done and overdone."
"And two hard-boiled eggs," KF said again.
"And two hard boiled eggs."
'Honk'
"Make that three hard-boiled eggs. And eight pieces of French pastry."
"And two hard-boiled eggs."
"And two hard-boiled eggs."
'Honk'
"Make that three hard-boiled eggs."
'honk'
"And one duck egg."
Once more he stopped to think.
"Have you got any stewed prunes?" (stewed is an older word for drunk)
"Yes, sir," replied the steward.
"Well, give them black coffee. That'll sober them up."
His snickering was cut off.
"And two hard-boiled eggs."
"And two hard-boiled eggs."
'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk'
"Either it's foggy out, or make that 12 more hard-boiled eggs," BB said.
The steward finished writing down the order.
"Steward, hurry that along, will ya. The sooner it gets here, the sooner this convention will be over."
"Yes, sir."
The steward rushed off as BB squeezed back into the room.
"Well, as long as the steward is deaf and dumb he'll never know you're here."
"Perfect," KF replied, oblivious to the sarcasm.
There was a knock on the door.
"Let me in, B."
"Oh, hey, Cyborg."
"We just ordered lunch," KF explained, "Care to join us?"
"Don't mind if I do."
He somehow pulled himself into the room. Then there was another knock.
"What's the password?" asked Kid Flash.
"Swordfish," said a familiar female voice.
"Get in here, beautiful."
It was Jinx. She was with Starfire.
"This is your room?"
"Hey, I didn't pick it," BB objected.
"Whatever you say. So, did you order food?"
"Of course," KF replied.
"Then I'll stay."
"I have already partaken in the lunch. I merely came to see Robin."
"I'm back here, Star," he said.
"Robin!" Star shouted as she flew over to him.
BB closed the door only to hear another knock.
It was two maids.
"We've come to make up the bed."
"Well," Cy said, "Let them in."
"Come on in, girls, and leave all hope behind. You'll have to work fast, though."
As the maids got to the bed KF attempted to lift Jericho.
"Come on, pal, wake up."
KF let Jericho go and he fell on top of a maid, wrapping his arms around her.
"Hey," BB joked, "I said the maids had to work fast, not him."
"He's still asleep, Beast Boy," KF replied.
"He's doing better asleep than I do awake."
Another knock on the door came.
"I'm the engineer. I came to turn off the heat."
"Well you can start on the afro kid," BB said as he let him in.
Yet another knock came.
"Did you want a manicure?"
"No, come on in."
Once more, there was a knock.
"I'm the engineer's assistant," said a rather fat man.
"I had a premonition you'd show up," BB retorted, "Just chop your way through."
He closed the door only to open it again for someone.
"I came to mop up."
"Just the woman I'm looking for, come in. You'll have to start on the ceiling."
"You can clean my shoes," KF suggested.
Someone else knocked.
"Yes? Rose? What are you doing here?"
It was Rose (aka Ravager). She was white haired girl about Robin's height that turned out to be Slade's daughter. After a brief confrontation, and a talk with Raven and Jinx, she happily joined the team. (it was a Teen Titans Go! Issue, so look it up)
"I decided to put my money to good use and go on a cruise. I heard my brother was on the ship from the others. Is he in here?"
"Well, you can come in and prowl around if you want. If you can't find him, you can probably find someone better."
"Could I use the phone?"
"Use the phone? I'll lay even money you can't get in the room."
She sidled past him.
"I bet will be back in the port by the time you get to the phone."
"Oh, there you are, Jericho," she said, "Why do you have a bike horn?"
"If you get on the phone, tell them to send up a bigger room."
Still another knock on the door came.
"It's the steward."
"Come right ahead," BB said, waving them in, "We've been waiting."
Four stewards came in with their food trays.
"Wake up, Jericho," KF said, "The food's here."
The mute shot up at this. Cy pushed his way forward as well.
(By the way, you can imagine it must have been crowded with 18 people crammed into one tiny room)
A minute later
Raven came up to the door, and just as she was about to open it, she got a feeling. She stepped back and used her powers to open the door. At which point, everyone inside the room came falling out in a huge pile on top of each other.
"That old gag, huh?" Rae muttered to herself.
Later still
"Hey, Raven," BB said, "Lunch was a miss, so how about dinner?"
"Fine, but what time?"
"Seven. I hope you're not gonna wear your uniform."
"Of course not. I picked up something."
BB growled playfully, "Something I haven't seen? You little rascal."
"Whatever," she said as she went back to her room, but she hid a smile.
BB then began to explore the ship. After a while, Cyborg joined him.
"Hear you got a date tonight. Smooth."
"Ever since I met her, I've swept her off my feet."
They came to the captain's quarters. The pair strolled in and looked around. BB put on a spare captain hat. Then he turned to face Cy.
"How dare you enter the captain's quarters?!" BB bellowed.
"Very funny. Let's see the captain's bridge."
"He leaves them in a glass of water at night. How about where the captain sleeps?"
"I've seen that. That's the bunk. Let's keep going."
They left, and BB hung the hat on the rack.
"Let's get some food. I'm getting hungry."
"But Raven…"
"Well just a snack then," Cy replied.
"Oh, well, that's okay then."
The duo joined the other six Titans for dinner.
Still later
"Where is Raven?" Star asked after what seemed like hours.
"I'm sure she'll be here soon," KF replied.
"We would have noticed her come in," Robin added.
Meanwhile
"Has you partner not arrived yet?" asked the waiter.
"No," Raven said with a lot of annoyance, "Page him as…Garfield."
The waiter began walking around the restaurant.
"Paging Mr. Garfield! Mr. Garfield!"
At the table behind Raven, a group of people were laughing there heads off.
"Mr. Garfield!"
"Hey," said a familiar voice, "Stop going around yelling my name. Do I go around yelling your name?!"
"Beast Boy!" Raven called.
He sprung up and stared at the waiter.
"Say, is your voice changing or is someone else paging me?"
"BEAST BOY!"
"Raven! There you are."
She turned her chair around to face him. That's when she noticed the other seven Titans were sitting at the same table as BB was. She had been so focused she hadn't noticed them. They had been so busy talking, they didn't notice her since she was wearing a dress the same color as her cloak and had her hair done up.
"You look beautiful, BB said, awestruck.
"You told me to be here at seven," she snapped, "It's now eight and no dinner."
"What do you mean no dinner? I just had one of the biggest dinners of my life, no thanks to you."
"I've been sitting here the whole time," she said defensively.
"Yes, with your back to me. When I go out with a woman, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay."
She couldn't help but smirk.
"I made you smile."
"No you didn't," she answered quickly.
He moved over to her table. She noticed he was wearing a suit.
"So, sweetheart, what are we having for dinner?"
"You've had dinner."
"Okay, we'll have breakfast. Waiter."
The waiter appeared.
"The lady will have herbal tea and the lasagna. Bring me a soda and the fettuccini. Don't skimp on the breadsticks."
"How did you know what I wanted?" she asked amazed.
"I have my ways," he replied, giving thumbs up to Jinx when Raven looked away.
After a while
Beast Boy and Raven were standing on the deck looking at the ocean.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she said of the view.
"Yeah, beautiful," He replied, looking at her.
After what seemed forever, they kissed.
"I've been waiting to do that all day," Rae said.
"Likewise."
As they kissed again, they ship lurched.
"This is why I hate ships," Raven said, "Let's take a plane next time."
"It's not as romantic," BB replied holding her hands.
"Hey, guys!" someone shouted, making them jump.
It was Cyborg and the others.
"The ship's coming into port. Let's get home."
The pair nodded and joined the group. After gathering there luggage, they got ready to leave the ship. Kid Flash and Jinx had another idea.
"We're leaving now," KF explained, "This unloading stuff takes too long."
"Suits me fine. Let's head home," Jinx replied.
KF picked her up in his arms and sped off into the distance.
"I wondered why she didn't have any bags," Cy said.
"I'll take Jericho with me," Rose said, "Let's go bro."
He nodded as they disappeared into the crowd.
"She'll make sure nothing happens to him," Robin said.
"I guess that solves my problem," Cy said.
"What was that, friend?" Star asked.
"Just in case they asked about our tickets. Now there are just us five."
"Dude, I would have totally pulled a fast one. I'd make them think I was a celebrity."
"Oh, please," Raven said as they walked off.
"No, really. Well, okay, maybe their nephew or something."
"A green-skinned nephew?"
"Like what celebrity?" Robin asked.
"Maurice Chevalier."
"Who?"
"You've never heard of Maurice Chevalier, Cy? He was a great singer."
"I believe I have," Star said.
"Well, I don't wanna hear you sing, BB."
"Why not?"
BB pulled out a hat from nowhere and began to sing.
"If a Nightingale could sing like you
They'd sing much sweeter than they do
For you brought a new kind of love to me!"
"Keep singing like that and we'll get thrown off the boat," Cy quipped.
BB pouted, but Raven patted him on the back.
"Oh relax," she said, "Let's have a private ball in my room. You can sing for me."
"Really?"
"Really really."
As they made there way to the tower, BB happily said, "Today wasn't so boring after all. I love cruise ships."