There was something about the ice that made JJ feel free. There wasn't the usual tension. He didn't feel distracted and his body never begged to move. On ice, he was able to be in the moment. The cold air on his skin first thing in the morning when he first walked into the rink for practice was more refreshing than anything he could think of. Even when his body had warmed from the exertion, the cold air in his airway was enough. Each twist and turn, he imagined what it must be like for other people in the world who weren't impaired just a bit. The jumps felt like he was flying and there were no strings attached. Ice skating was the best thing in the world, better than any therapy JJ had ever experienced. He was determined to do well, determined to push himself and always get better. Because when he was on the ice, he was talented and smart and stood out. He never felt stupid here, or like it was too much. He never felt overstimulated here. It was just...perfect.

He pushed himself to pick up speed, pushing off the ice at just the right angle. He felt his body spin through the air. One, two, three rotations. Stick the landing. He stopped frowning, brushing the sweat off his forehead. He needed to stick these quads more consistently in practice. What was he doing wrong? He'd gotten the speed. He had been certain of that. Height.

"JJ, you need to just give a little more forced to get that height, but it was a perfectly beautiful triple! Perfect form and landing." His father called to him.

JJ nodded. Of course. He tried again, starting his program from just before he was going to do the quadruple salchow. This time he got it. He smiled to himself as he continued on. He could do this. He had to be perfect. He refused to be anything less. If it took all day, he'd do it. Just to get his program flawless. He needed to be flawless if he was going to compete with the best skaters the world had to offer.

The fact he was able to participate was beyond amazing. He couldn't wait to compete. Competitions were so fun. He loved how the air was different. It was excited and nervous and tense all at once. People cheered from the crowd. His heart always leaped for joy when he saw the crowd holding up signs and flags for him. It sometimes did get to be a bit much though. There were times he'd feel every inch of his skin his clothing touched and wanted to scream from the sensation and pull it off. There were other times when he felt like there was too much attention on him. Those were the times his mom would push a cup into his hand. He'd find a quiet place to sip the cocoa and maybe listen to comforting music. Sometimes he'd go watch the other skaters, getting lost in the beauty of it all.

He finished his program, not able to keep the smile off his face. He knew he'd done it perfectly this time. His dad complemented him and instructed him to go over once more which he gladly did. There were days he wanted to scream and cry and break down when he was told to do it once more. Those days he felt like a failure, as though he hadn't done it as well as he should have. He'd feel so anxious and aware of everything. Those days he ended up messing up even the simplest of things. But most days he was happy to do it again and again until he physically couldn't do it anymore without rest. Today was one of those days.

He lost track of time, of how many times he practiced certain things. All he knew was he was having fun and enjoying his time. He didn't want to stop, groaning as Alain called him off the ice telling him it was getting late and they needed to open up to the public. JJ frowned and did one last quad before making his way to the edge and walking off. He changed out of his skates, starting to feel the ache in his body. He had practiced so much. His parents rarely had to push him to keep going. Usually they were the ones begging him for a break or to call it a day. This resulted in him feeling very sore for the rest of the day, but a good sore. A sore he wanted to feel more. It meant he was getting better, that his training was going to get results.

"You did amazing today, JJ," Alain praised, rubbing the boy's shoulders.

"Thanks!" JJ smiled, leaning into the massage.

"Be sure to stretch, okay?"

JJ nodded. His father stepped away telling him was going to let Renee know that it was safe to let in the patrons. JJ leaned forward and stared at the ice. It was calling to him, begging him for more. If he could just be closer...

He watched as kids and family trickled in as he stretched. Small kids were eager and unsteady, grabbing for their parents' hands. JJ remembered the first time he was able to skate on his own. He had been trying so hard and he finally did it. It was his earliest memory. He had been three. Just the pure pride he'd felt and the excitement that he had done it. He still remembered how it felt to have his parents praise him, hugging him tightly. He always felt comfortable here.

He gathered his things and walked out of the rink. Renee was sitting at the desk, playing on her phone. JJ sat down on the counter and smiled at her, waiting for her to notice.

"Welcome to Ice World. What size...Oh, good morning, JJ," She offered a smile, her eyes immediately going back to her phone.

"Good morning!" JJ smiled. "How are you? Who are you texting? Are you supposed to be on your phone? I thought Papa didn't like that?"

"He also doesn't like your ass print all over the counter and yet here we are," She smirked. "Serious, get off."

"Renee, seriously! How are you and who are you texting? Do you have a boyfriend? A girlfriend maybe?" JJ leaned forward trying to look at the screen.

"JJ, I meant what I said when you were ten. No, I will not date you. I know you think now you're twelve and that means you're somehow older, but no. Still no." Renee pocketed her phone.

"I'm sixteen…" JJ deadpanned. He sighed and slid off the desk. "And I haven't had a crush on you since I was actually twelve so…" He shrugged and zipped up his jacket, his body cooling now that he'd finished training.

"Oh really?" Renee looked shocked. "I could have sworn you were twelve!"

"No," JJ let out a soft laugh. "Hey, we're friends, right?"

"I work for your parents and have known you for the past six years," she offered.

"Okay, well see, I need your help." He pulled on his sleeves.

He waited silently as Renee checked some patrons in giving them a polite smile and greeting to complement Renee's. He high-fived the little kids coming in with their parents, kneeling down to talk to them. He loved kids. They were so innocent, so kind. They'd see him and want to give high-fives or ask for a hug. It was amazing. The kids seemed so excited as they asked him if he was doing a class today. He hated to let them down by telling them no, but the smiles on their face when he told them Saturday morning he would be doing a clinic for the kids more than made up for it. These kids really did love skating. It warmed his heart. The family led the children down the hall toward the rink. He sighed and watched them go.

"So you needed my help?" Renee swatted his arm to get his attention.

"Oh! Yeah! Okay…how do I ask someone to be my girlfriend? Like how would you want a guy to ask you to be his girlfriend? Or a girl. I don't know. Whatever you're into you. You never tell me. You know you're a really bad friend." JJ joked.

"JJ, honey, sweetheart, kid, you're like twelve."

"I'm sixteen…" JJ giggled.

"Whatever. Same thing. Look, I think it's sweet and all, but no. I'm twenty-three and I can't be dating a child." Renee batted her eye lashes at him with a smile.

"I'm serious, Renee! Focus."

"Funny that you're the one telling me to focus, Jean-Jacques." Renee frowned.

JJ stared at her, stunned. He had known her for years. She started working for his parents when she was in high school and now was attending Concordia. She'd always been nice to him and of course they joked around almost like siblings, but she'd never once poked fun at him for real things. He didn't know how to continue. Was he bothering her? Maybe he should just go home? His mom was expecting him back soon for his lessons, but he just really wanted to talk to Renee about this one thing. It was so important and he couldn't ask his mom.

"Oh…" He pushed his hands in his pockets and glued his eyes to the ground. "I'm sorry. I didn't know I was bothering you. I'll go now, okay? Have a good day."

"JJ, wait!" She grabbed his arm. "I'm sorry. I took that too far. I'm sorry. I'm just not a morning person and you know, maybe I just don't want to talk much right now, but for you I have time, okay? I'm sorry."

"Really? You mean it? I swear I won't tell my parents if that's what you think."

Renee frowned and shook her head. "I know you wouldn't. But no, I'm sorry. Who's the girl?"

JJ felt himself brighten up almost immediately as he hopped back onto the counter, sitting cross legged facing her talking a mile a minute about Isabella. How smart she was and how much she wanted to go to Concordia too. They talked about Concordia for a few minutes too. JJ taking mental notes he hoped he'd remember to talk to Isabella about. He described every feeling he got around Isabella. How her smile made his heart flutter and her laugh made him so happy. He talked about how expressive her eyes were and how much he loved how they sparkled when she laughed, and how her eyes scrunched when she smiled. He talked about how he wanted so badly to kiss her, but was scared he was going too fast. Lastly he talked about how much he wanted asking her out to be the best moment of her life.

"Wow…" Renee sat back in her chair. "I wish someone would talk about me the way you talk about this girl. She's the one who came with you to the rink that one day, right? That day your dad seemed so worried?" JJ nodded.

"Papa was worried?" He frowned.

"Yeah, well you know how your parents are. They are so protective of you and the twins. More you though. I don't know if you know that. But anyway, um, for this girl…what does she like? Start with that and plan something from that. Or you know you could just ask her like a normal person. Not everything you do needs to be over the top, kiddo." Renee messed his hair.

"Well I want it to be. Because…" JJ shrugged. "That's who I am. I like big gestures. You know I pour myself into things. Come on, please help me."

"Have you ever watched the sunrise or set from Mont Royal?" Renee asked after a moment. "It's very beautiful. I think it'd be really romantic. A picnic dinner or breakfast on the mountain together watching Montreal wake or sleep. Honestly…I would probably die if someone did that. Maybe play some music to set the mood. You have to have sparkling grape juice. Drink it out of those Champaign glances to be fancy. I'm sure your parents have some flutes you could steal." She flashed him a grin. "Or I could loan you some."

The idea was perfect. JJ could imagine it. Gosh, the idea seemed like something out of a movie. He leaned forward suddenly throwing his arms around her and planting a kiss on her cheek in gratitude. He resisted her pushing out of the hug for just a moment before pulling back a big smile on his face. Renee smoothed her clothes and gave him an annoyed look before pulling her phone back out of her pocket.

"You're welcome. Now go away. I'm working." She muttered.

JJ laughed gently, pulling his own phone out of his pocket and drafted a text to Isabella to see if she was up for getting together that evening. He wondered what he should pack for their picnic dinner. Maybe he could just pick something up from a restaurant? No that was too impersonal. Maybe his mom would let him cook something he could take! She could help him if he needed it. He would take the blanket he used to curl up on the couch for them to sit on. It was so soft. Isabella would love it. He imagined the way the setting sun would shine on her hair and the way her eyes would reflect the dimming light. It was almost too much.

"Jean-Jacques, get off the counter and get home now! You're over an hour late for your lessons. Your mother has stuff to do, not just wait around for you to go home when you please!" Alain scolded. "And you're on your phone and ignoring your mother's texts. She's been worried."

JJ's heart skipped from being startled. He slid off the counter bidding Renee farewell. He called an apology to his father and headed home. He didn't realize he'd missed the texts from his mom. He remembered now that while he was talking to Renee his phone had buzzed a few times, but he was so into the conversation. He hadn't meant to worry her. He hated getting in trouble. Hated the way his either of his parents' faces would look. The frustration he knew they hid written so evidently across their face.

He slipped through the front door, bracing himself for his mother to scold him too. The house was still besides the sound of the dishwasher running. He closed the door behind him, calling for her to let him know he was home. She emerged from the kitchen, making a beeline for him and hugging him tightly. He hugged her back, closing his eyes and feeling himself calm at her embrace. Since he could remember her hugs could bring him out of the worst of his anxiety or overload.

"I was so worried!" She slapped his arms gently.

"I'm so sorry, Maman! I started talking to Renee about Isabella and I lost track of time." He frowned.

"And my calls? My texts?" She crossed her arms.

"…Maman…" He bit the inside of his cheeks. "I was distracted and I'm sorry."

Nathalie frowned, shook her head. She pulled him into another hug and kissed his cheek. "I love you, JJ."

"I love you too."

He followed her into the study and sat down at the table. He wasn't looking forward to the lesson today. He opened up his laptop and logged into the modules. These days he was doing more online stuff for school than when he was younger. His mother would go over the lesson of the day, pausing to let him have time to work through the modules and helping him when he got stuck. It had gotten a lot easier over the years. He didn't have nearly as many breakdowns. He understood things better now and the program that his mom had got him on was specifically made for students like him, suited to his needs. He liked how visual it was and how it was very interactive. This also made it easier for his mom since she didn't have to keep logs the same way she had when he was little to prove he'd hit at least the minimum requirements for each grade level.

The thing he hated most was the literature composition course. He loathed writing papers. In the past his mother had let him do oral presentations rather than writing essays and literary critiques, but now that he was at the high school level he had to physically write them. He hated it. It was the most frustrating thing. His mother would make him take breaks more frequently when he was having to write. He remembered when he was little how when he'd start having issues with focusing, she'd have him go in the outside in the backyard and run around for fifteen minutes to get his energy out. Now he'd just pace the room, trying not to cry.

He hated school. He hated that he had to learn things that were so boring. Honestly he didn't get why he needed to know any of this. He was a figure skater. He could do that for his entire life in some capacity. Once he had to retire, he already planned to coach. He could take over the rink for his dad too. Ice skating was everything. Who needed to know how to write an essay? Why did he need to understand such complicated math? Why did learning about dead people and politicians matter? Who cared if he could spell in both French and English? He could speak them couldn't he? Now there was voice to text. But at least he could text Isabella.

His parents told him daily that school was important. Explained why he needed to know these things. But it never made sense. His mother had gotten her degree in education and when he was younger she'd gotten a certification in special education. He hated that term more than anything else. He hated knowing that he was in that classification. He hated being reminded of it. His dad had a degree in business, but all he did was continue his ice skating career in a different capacity. Why did it matter?

"JJ, sweetheart, are you alright? Let's have lunch, okay?" His mother interrupted his thoughts.

"I hate this…" He mumbled, brushing away tears angrily.

"I know, but you're doing so well. Come on, let's have lunch?"

JJ nodded and followed her to the kitchen. He hopped on the counter, kicking his legs as he watched her. He wondered if she was happy. Did her life turn out the way she wanted? She deserved to be happy. She deserve a better son. One that wasn't so stupid. One that remembered to come home. One that didn't get so distracted he inadvertently ignored her. She loved him, sure, but only because she had to. He'd ruined her. She'd quit her job she loved because of him. She had spent years dealing with him. Suddenly every moment of him melting down played in his mind on loop.

He could feel the frustration waning as he watched his mother put together the ornate lunch. She always made sure that he had food that was full of nutrients, but low on added sugar. That didn't stop him from drowning stuff in maple syrup. It wasn't added sugar if it was natural, right? He leaned forward trying to clear his head of all the racing negative thoughts as he focused on taking deep breaths like his therapist had told him to do. It was so hard.

"Maman?" He said, his voice just above a whisper.

"What is it, baby?" She asked, turning to face him.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" He hated seeing her look at him like that. Her eyebrows knitted in concern, her eyes soft in worry.

"For being dumb. And for getting so frustrated so easily. And crying."

"Do not talk about yourself like that." She scolded gently. She took his face gently and kissed his forehead. "You're a very smart boy. You want to know a secret? Even people who learn very easily get frustrated. You know your brother and sister get angry about their homework too and they're in advanced courses. They learn easily. They don't have to try as hard. Everyone gets frustrated sometimes."

"But it happens all the time." JJ huffed, hugging himself.

"You act like getting frustrated is a problem. You know how most people deal with frustration, JJ?" She paused. He shook his head. "They give up. When have you ever given up? Never. You don't. You try and try and try. And you get it. That is the most impressive thing to me."

JJ thought about it. That was true. He refused to ever give up on something. If someone told him he couldn't do something, he had to prove them wrong. Still there were days he just felt like he couldn't do anything right. Some days that he just felt like the dumbest person in the world. Because the lessons seemed so simple when his mom was talking to him, but when he went to do the work it was like he was reading some alien language not found on the planet. He hated how school made him feel. His mother was right though. He wasn't about to stop trying. His grades were decent too. Mostly A's and B's. Occasionally he'd end a course with a C or D.

His mind drifted to Isabella. She was the smartest person he'd ever met. She wanted to be a journalist! She was a go-getter like him too. Isabella Yang knew what she wanted and she wasn't going to let anything get in her way. Ever. She was passionate too. But she wanted to go to college. She wanted to get this fancy job that would take her all over while she wrote columns on things she enjoyed or the news. Why would she ever want to date someone like him? He had no desire to go to college. He had found what he loved to do and he didn't need to go to college to achieve that. He knew all college would do is give him constant anxiety attacks and crying and crush him.

He wished he hadn't texted Isabella about that evening. JJ was sure he was going to make a mockery of himself and lose the only friend he had that was his own age. Maybe he could tell her something came up? But he wanted to see her so badly. She was so nice and so pretty and she made him so happy. He didn't know what to do.

Nothing was looking up. Even after he'd finally gotten through his lessons successfully, he didn't feel any better. He just felt anxious and wanted to cry. He had even excused himself to his room telling his mom he just needed a nap. He knew she knew it was bullshit. He didn't take naps. He didn't sleep much at all. He hated sleeping. He was probably the only person in the world who hated to sleep. He curled up on his bed and let the tears flow. Why couldn't he just get past it? Why did something as stupid as forgetting to go home for lessons ruin his day so much? Why was he like this?

He watched a movie on his phone before he'd finally calmed enough that he knew tears were going to pour out. He glanced at the time. His siblings would be home soon. He had a little bit of time to just talk to his mom alone in peace.

He sneaked out of his room, down the stairs to the living room where his mother was watching one of her television dramas she liked so much. He sat down next to her without a word. She put her arm around him and he gladly curled up against her, his head resting on her shoulder.

"Did you get to nap?" She asked, her voice soft.

"No." He admitted, staring blankly at the TV.

He closed his eyes as his mother stroked his hair. She really was the best at making him feel better. Just being close to her, he felt like he was a little kid again and she was wiping away his tears after another meltdown. He focused on his breathing, focused how the air felt going in and out of his lungs. There the soft rise and fall of her chest that he could picture himself being lulled into calm.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked softly.

"There's not really anything to talk about." He sighed. "I'm just having a not good day. And it's like I can't think positively about anything. And I just wonder why I'm even trying because I just feel like an idiot. I can't even remember to come home. Like why do I think I can do anything? I think I can make the National Team again this year, but that's a joke. I'm not that good. They were idiots to let me in last year. I mean who lets a fifteen year old on the team? And then I'm thinking why am I even trying? I messed up a lot in practice today. Papa said it was good, and I thought it was. Only now I think he was just being nice. And why does Isabella talk to me? I'm so annoying. She's so smart and pretty and nice and amazing and what am I? I'm nothing."

He let the tears fall once more. He hated these days. His psychiatrist wasn't convinced he had depression since these days were far and few between, but when it hit, he couldn't shake it. He hated himself so much on days like this.

"JJ..."

That was it. Nothing else. No other words. Just his name and a hug. She agreed. He knew it. If his mom agreed, then he was right. God, he just needed to tell Isabella he was a loser and just let her go. Spare her.

"I'm sorry you're having a bad day, but I want you to know none of it is true." JJ sighed, letting out a groan. "I'm serious. You're a very talented skater and it's amazing that you placed so young. You work so hard for it. I never had half your work ethic. You got caught in a conversation with Renee. That's okay. And you got an 89% average for all of today's lessons combined. If Isabella didn't want to be your friend, she wouldn't pretend. You're a smart, capable, amazing, sweet boy and I will not have you saying such things about yourself."

The door flung open and the twins ran in, throwing their backpacks to the side and making their path straight for the couch. JJ forced a smile, not wanting to let them know how horrible he was feeling. He hugged his brother tightly and messed his hair.

"JJ! JJ! JJ, guess what!" Oli was practically bouncing.

"What?" JJ laughed.

"My teacher said that she's gonna watch you when you go to the Skate Canada competition! She said, she said we could watch in school!" He beamed. "And I told all my friends that you were gonna have the best program! Better than everyone! Even better than Viktor Nikiforv!" Oli hugged him tight once more.

"I don't know about that..." JJ started. "Viktor is pretty untouchable for me."

"No! I think you're lots better. Mostly because he looks so bored and you look so happy! I don't know if he really likes it, but I know you do! And I think that makes you better." Olivier turned to their mom. "Right, Maman?"

JJ smiled and listened while both of his siblings went on and on about what they talked about at school. JJ was so scared of letting them down. They held him to such a high standard. They only started wanting to skate because of him. This was their first year getting to compete in the novice level and they were so excited. He wanted to be there for them and support them. He didn't want to feel so self-deprecating. He wanted to live up to their expectations. If he didn't, they'd be disappointed in themselves and what if they stopped skating because of him? The thought was too much. If they didn't want to skate, he wanted it to be because they didn't enjoy it. Not because he messed up.

He sighed softly covering it up with a fake cough and a smile. He spent the rest of the afternoon talking to Oli and Maddie and playing games with them. They watched some of the ice skating competitions he'd promised to record for them together too, the three of the discussing each skater's program. It turned into Oli telling JJ about how excited he was for his first competition. Maddie chimed in every so often. They asked for pointers for how to be "cool" which made JJ laugh, but he tried to make something up.

"And remember, always show you're confident. Even if you're not. Even if you're scared. Kind of like fake it until you make it. Eventually you'll convince yourself you're as good as you're pretending to be and you ace it." JJ answered.

"You get scared?" Oli's eyes were huge.

"All the time. It's normal," JJ smiled.

"JJ, did you record the girls too?" Maddie asked, playing with her hair. "I want to see their programs too and how pretty their clothes and hair are!" She beamed.

"Of course I did!" JJ wrapped his arm around her and kissed her cheek. "I figured we'd get the dumb boys out of the way first."

Maddie smiled, wrapping her small arms around his neck and laying on his chest. He leaned back into the couch, a smile permanently glued to his face. He understood what his parents meant now when they'd say and still said they didn't want them to grow up. He loved how much his siblings wanted to do with him and how Maddie would snuggle with him. They were ten now and he had a feeling it wouldn't be long before they rarely came home. They'd soon be out with their friends like typical teenagers. For now he'd just enjoy it.

Isabella stared at her phone, frowning. JJ hadn't texted her back. He said he was going to pick her up at five. It was almost six. He wasn't answering texts or calls. She didn't know whether to be worried, angry, or accept that he had finally realized that he could do so much better than her. She frowned and flopped on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Should she call again? Text him? Maybe something had come up and it was really important and he'd forgotten. Maybe calling one more time wouldn't hurt? She was so thankful for her parents not being home. She shuddered to think how her parents would react to him being late to pick her up. They were so big about being punctual and they were already still on the fence about him even though they were raving about how polite he was.

It wouldn't hurt to try again…would it? She pulled out her phone and connected the call. Her mind started racing as thoughts filled her head. What if he was avoiding her? What if she had done something? Was she calling too much? Texting too much? Was she coming across as a crazy stalker? Oh god she hoped not.

"Isabella!" JJ greeted.

"Hey…um…are you okay? Did something come up?" She started, closing her eyes in embarrassment. She sounded so whiney. Why?

"Yeah, I'm good! I'm just watching some skating programs with my brother and sister. What's up?" His voice sounded cheerful enough.

"Oh…um…well you had asked me to go out with you tonight. You said you had a surprise planned you were supposed to be here an hour ago. I was getting worried…"

"Shit." JJ hissed through the phone. "I'm so sorry! I forgot. I…I was feeling off today and it slipped my mind and I was having such a nice time with my siblings. I'm leaving now, okay? I'm so sorry. You must hate me for forgetting. It's just sometimes I forget things…a lot of times really. Oh my god, I'm so sorry!"

"JJ, it's okay!" She sat up, tugging her are jeans. "It happens. I'll be ready. Be safe, okay? Unless you want to postpone? I'm okay with that too."

"No. No, I have to see you. I have to come up there and get you and we have to do this thing. We have to!" He insisted.

The call disconnected and Isabella laid back on her bed, sighing. Was this what he'd meant about having trouble with focusing on things? She really wasn't that familiar with any of the things JJ had told her he had. She knew there was that kid in her class that didn't pay attention. Was that the same thing? Was it more complicated than that? Maybe she should ask him. Or maybe she could just read up on it. She didn't want to be getting upset with him over things that he really couldn't help. And the way he'd been after the movie that night made it clear to her that he really didn't have much control over the problems.

She pulled out her laptop and started searching for information on ADHD and sensory overload. She had a better understanding of anxiety. It was like being nervous. She knew what that felt like. Everyone gets anxious. It was normal. She read through the page upon pages that she found while she waited for JJ to show up. Each page talking about similar and different things. One thing she found abundantly clear was it was very individualized even though there were shared characteristics. She frowned. She didn't know if it was appropriate to ask him about how he experienced things. What if she offended him or made him uncomfortable? He hadn't seemed like he liked to talk about it when he'd told her. And he had started pacing and talking super fast. Maybe that wasn't the best idea…

She leaned back, groaning. She just wanted to be a supportive friend If she could learn about them then she could understand him more. Why was it so difficult to find information in a time where you could literally ask for information on a specific thing and have all the information you wanted at your fingertips? She couldn't imagine how frustrating it was when you had to sift through books. That sounded so tedious.

Finally she heard a knock at the door. She checked herself in the mirror one last time before running down the stairs and answering the door. JJ was standing there, his eyes shifty, and slightly red and puffy. His cheeks were a bit flushed too and his hands were buried deep in his pockets. He didn't look at her, more off to the side as he mumbled a greeting and yet another apology.

"It's okay! I promise!" She smiled at him as she pulled on her shoes. "Let's go!"

JJ gripped the steering wheel while he drove toward Mont Royal. They had picked up food on the way. The smell was making his stomach growl. He was so angry at himself. How could he forget tonight? This was going to be so special! So romantic! A picnic dinner at sunset before he asked her to be his girlfriend. How could he forget? How? Why did he always forget things? Today had just been awful.

Isabella tried to carry on a conversation, but he couldn't get into it. He couldn't focus. He just kept thinking about the fact that he'd forgotten her. Isabella. This beautiful, funny, sweet, smart, wonderful girl who actually had the patience for him and who genuinely wanted to be with him. How could he forget someone like her? She was damn near perfect and he'd forget her while sitting on the couch watching recorded skating. What was wrong with him? And why couldn't he just for once be able to not let things like this get to him so much. Why?

He pulled into the parking lot near the pavilion. He was surprised not many people were there. Good. Less people to see him being a loser. They'd probably see him and wonder what was wrong with Isabella for being seen in public with someone like him. They grabbed their drinks and food from the car, JJ also grabbing the blanket. At least he remembered one thing.

Isabella walked next to him silently. He could feel her eyes on him. He felt the panic rising in him. He needed to act cool. He needed to pretend nothing was wrong. If he could stop being an anxious mess, if he could just make all the thoughts go away…

"It's beautiful up here," Isabella smiled, spinning to look back at him. His heart leapt.

"Yeah…" He offered a smile and laid down the blanket.

"You know…I've lived in Montreal my entire life and I've never come up here. I'm glad you asked me to come with you. It's perfect."

She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest for just a moment. Her head was just below his chin. He could smell her shampoo. It smelled like fruit or flowers. He really couldn't tell. And she had on a perfume too. God, she smelled so good. He hugged her back for a moment. She fit so perfectly in his arms. He wanted her to stay there forever. Maybe he could just ask her now and they could get on with it. Isabella pulled away with a smile before he had the chance.

JJ joined her on the blanket. He picked at his food. He didn't really feel hungry, especially with how nervous he was. JJ tugged at his shirt. It felt so terrible against his skin. The fabric was so rough. He shifted slightly. He couldn't focus on anything. There were birds singing the night away. The faint sound of crickets coming to life. He could feel the grass under the blanket. Did plants feel pain? Maybe they were hurting the grass sitting on it. He didn't want to hurt the grass. It would be just as well. He couldn't do much right these days anyway.

"JJ?" Isabella started.

He glanced at her. God she was so beautiful. Her hair was pulled up, but there were a few strands framing her face. Her eyes were lined in dark black eye liner. Her lashes looked so full. Red lipstick looked so perfect on her. And that jacket! She was literally perfection. The sun reflected from her eyes in just the right way to make her entire face light up. He swore she had a halo in this lighting.

"JJ?" She put a hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry?" He forced.

"I asked you if you were okay? You seem…distant."

"Um…I'm fine. I'm just…" He rubbed his palms on his jeans and took his cup, sipping the beverage for a moment to compose himself. "I'm not having a great day is all. I'll be fine tomorrow. Don't worry." He forced a smile.

"You're sure?"

He stared at her. He just wanted to be back to his usual self. Why was he feeling like this? God he hated these bad days with a passion. He just wanted to be home right now. Then he wouldn't be so embarrassed. But he was here. The dinner was great. The blanket was soft. The sunset was beautiful. The leaves on the trees were changing for autumn. Isabella was here, sweet and perfect as usual.

"Isabella?" He set his drink down. "I actually wanted to ask you something. That's why we came here. I'm sorry…" She stared back at him.

"Okay. Go ahead." She leaned forward slightly, a smile playing on her lips.

"Will you…" He stopped. "Do you…" No. That didn't feel right. He opened his mouth a few more times and nothing would come out. He felt the tears pricking in his eyes. This was so embarrassing! He jumped up and started pacing. He couldn't do this. He was an idiot to think he could. Why would she want to date him? She'd laugh and walk away and tell her mean friends and they'd laugh at him.

"JJ…" Isabella was in front of him, her hands on his arms. He could feel himself shaking as he fought back the tears. Why was she smiling? She thought this was funny. She was laughing at him. Oh god, what did he do? "Are you nervous?"

"I…" He nodded, defeated. He felt a tear fall down his cheek. "Shit." He broke away from her and started walking toward the car. He just needed a minute and then he'd be fine.

"Jean Jacques Leroy!" She grabbed his hand. "Do you want to be my boyfriend?" She asked.

JJ stared at her. What? Had she…did she just ask…what he think she did? She didn't hate him? Why was she smiling like that? Why was she staring into his eyes like this? Why…

"Sorry?"

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

"Um…yes." He let out a soft laugh.

"Well I want to be your girlfriend." She reached up and wiped another stray tear from his cheek. She beamed at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and staring up at him.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, wiping his eyes with his shirt sleeves. "I'm not usually like this. I just…I've had a bad day. I swear I'll be okay tomorrow. These days only last like a day or so."

"Well then I'll be there for you on those days," she said gently. "It's okay to have bad days. Everyone has bad days. It's okay to cry. It's okay."

"Thank you," JJ whispered, smiling through his tears.

Isabella held JJ, silently. They swayed back and forth. Her eyes watched the sunset. The beautiful pinks and golds and purples filled the sky. Maybe it would have been better for JJ to have taken the day off, but he wanted to be with her so badly he'd come. She knew he was having such a hard time. It pained her to see him like this. But there was something beautiful in the moment. He was so vulnerable. So open. It somehow made the moment seem more meaningful.

JJ pulled away from her finally, thanking her softly. He sat down on the blanket and hugged his knees, resting his chin on his arms as he stared at the sunset. Isabella watched him for a moment. She wished she had her camera with her. She could make the moment so beautiful. Instead she snapped a picture on her phone. She studied it. His darkened figure in front of the setting sun, Montreal in the distance. It was beautiful. Like something you'd see in a magazine. You couldn't see his face or really make out much more than the fact that there was a person sitting on a blanket watching the sun set.

Isabella sat down beside him, finishing up the last of her meal. She moved closer to him so that there wasn't a gap between them. She pulled her knees to her chest and watched the sunset as well. JJ's hand found hers and he laced their fingers. He leaned his head against her shoulder and she leaned her head against his.

They sat like that for a while, watching Montreal be engulfed in night, and even after when the stars came out. Then they sat there under the stars watching the city lights twinkle in the distance. She'd never thought of Montreal as particularly beautiful or romantic. It was just Montreal. It was where she was born, where she had grown up, where she went to school and lived. It was just a city. She'd never thought much about it. But sitting here with JJ like this, she suddenly was overwhelmed by it.

"JJ?" She whispered.

He lifted his head to look at her. The soft light of the city and the stars and moon reflected on his face in such a breathtaking way. Slowly she touched his face. It was so soft, so smooth. Her eyes lingered on his eyes for just a moment.

"Can…can I kiss you?" She breathed.

The corner of JJ's mouth twitched up in a smile. He shifted so that his other hand could cup her face. Gently, he leaned forward, brushing his lips against hers. She'd been far too tense to move. She didn't want to bump her nose into his. His lips lingered for a just a moment before he pulled away. She kept her eyes closed for just a moment before opening them. JJ was standing up already, gathering their trash.

She watched him for a moment before starting in with shaking the blanket out and began to fold it. She held it, waiting for him to get back from the trash can before heading back to the car. They walked silently, JJ's arm around her as she leaned into him. They got to the car. JJ held his hand out of hers in the middle without a word. She took it, smiling and leaned over to curl up to him, her head on his shoulder as he drove her home.

The windows in the downstairs of her home were illuminated when they got to her home. She knew her parents were waiting up. She didn't want the evening to be ruined. She wanted to be able to slip silently up the stairs and remember the feeling of his lips on hers. JJ opened her door, a small smile on his lips, his hand held out to her. She was surprised for a moment before she took it. They held hands as they walked up the driveway. He was walking her to her door! He paused for a moment outside the door, his eyes searching her face. They were still a bit puffy. He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and kissed her softly once more.

"Good night, Isabella Yang," His voice was a bit gravely from not being used, and she guessed from the crying.

"Good night," she managed.

He smiled at her with a wink before turning and walking back toward his car. She watched him go. Only once he reached the car did she enter the house. She managed to call to her parents she was home before rushing up the stairs. She couldn't believe it. She was dating JJ.

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