Notes: another comedy team that everyone should know
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans
That's Not Normal
Ch. 5: The Three Titans
It was a nice, peaceful day at Titans Tower. Robin and Star were in the training room doing whatever. (The others didn't want to think about it) Cyborg and Beast Boy were playing videogames, while Raven sat beside BB with a book and earplugs inserted. Little did they know that trouble was headed their way.
Gizmo, having somehow escaped prison, snuck out on his own and managed to fly with his jetpack to the top of the tower and hack into the security systems.
"This'll teach those cruddy Titans to mess with me," Gizmo snickered.
The system powered down and then he crawled through the air ducts until he reached the control room. Once there, he tapped into it with his gear.
"Let's see how the Titans like it when their plumbing and electricity don't work."
A few minutes later
Raven was trying to turn on the stove to boil water, but it wouldn't turn on. Then she went over to the sink to turn on the faucet, but that didn't work either.
"Cyborg," she called.
"What's up, Raven?"
"Something's wrong with the sink and the stove. They're not working."
"What? Let me see."
Cy got up and went into the kitchen. Sure enough, nothing worked.
"What does it matter," Beast Boy said, "As long as we have TV?"
Just then the television shut off on its own. BB screamed long and loud.
"We're doomed!"
Raven was about to get him to shut up, when they heard a thud. The trio turned to see one of the doors shaking as if someone was pounding on it.
Beast Boy put his ear up to the door.
"Why isn't the door opening?" asked Robin on the other side.
"Allow me to open it," Star replied.
Suddenly, the door went flying off its hinges and fell to the ground. Unfortunately, it was also right on top of Beast Boy.
"Something's wrong with the power," Raven stated.
"Don't worry," Cyborg said, "I can fix it. Beast Boy can help."
"We're trying to fix the problem, Cy," Robin replied.
"Have a little confidence in the grass stain. Say something, BB."
Cy looked around the room.
"Where'd he go?"
"Um, friends," Starfire spoke up, "I believe he is under the door."
Everyone looked down at the door.
"Oh no," Cy said as he lifted the door.
"Took you guys long enough," BB replied rather annoyed.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Raven asked.
"I wanted to see how long it would take you to realize I was missing."
He received a slap on the cheek from Raven.
"It was still worth it," BB said as he rubbed his cheek.
"Hey, you know your door's not working?" said a voice.
BB yelped and spun around to see Kid Flash standing there.
"How did you get in?" asked Cy.
"I vibrated my molecules to go through the door. Now would you mind opening it for Jinx?"
Cyborg walked over to the door and obliged.
"About time," Jinx said, "What's the deal?"
"The power's going haywire," Cy replied.
"I'll help you fix it," Kid Flash volunteered.
"Fine, it'll be you, me, and Beast Boy. BB, get the tools."
"What tools?" BB asked.
"The tools I always use."
"Oh, those tools."
BB ran out of the room and came back with his arms full of equipment.
"On your toes, BB." Cy said clapping him on the back.
Beast Boy dropped the tools on Robin's feet.
"Ow, not my toes!" Robin exclaimed.
"Maybe we should call a professional," Rae suggested.
"No way," BB replied, "We three are the best plumbers that ever plumbed."
"Enough already," Cy said, "Let's get to the basement."
"Where is the basement?" KF asked.
"Upstairs," BB said.
"Up to the basement!" Cy exclaimed as he picked up the tools.
Despite this, they ran downstairs in the right direction. At last, they found a leaky pipe.
"We found it," KF said.
"A simple job for simple people," BB stated.
"Speak for yourself," Cy quipped.
"Let's shut the water off," KF said.
"Right, you do it, BB."
"Me?"
Suddenly, the water turned off by itself.
"What happened?" asked BB.
"That's what I'd like to know," Cy replied, "Go check upstairs."
"Okay, fine, make me do everything."
BB walked off slowly.
"Get going!" Cy yelled as he held up a wrench.
Needless to say, BB hightailed it upstairs fast. He bumped right into Starfire, who luckily fell into Robin's arms.
"Don't mind me," BB said as he ran off, "I'm only the plumber."
BB went into the bathroom and looked around.
"Where do you shut off the water?"
Just then…
"I'll give that loser water," Gizmo said and he typed in some commands.
And so…
Suddenly, the shower turned on.
"What the?"
BB turned the handle and turned the water off.
"That was easy."
The faucet began shooting out water. The showerhead followed suite.
"This place is haunted."
Meanwhile
"What's taking that imbecile so long?" Cy asked.
"It doesn't matter," KF replied, "The water stopped."
Cy then started to work.
"You better go check outside for any malfunctions," he said.
"No problem," KF said as he grabbed a shovel.
He turned, but hit Cy in the head with the shovel. Before he could take off, Cy grabbed him by the hair and bonked KF on the head.
"Watch what you're doing, porcupine. Go on!"
"Grouch," KF muttered before he sped out.
"Everything looks ok here," Cy said to himself, "I'll go check upstairs."
Elsewhere
Beast Boy was running as fast as he could away from the flooding bathroom. He was so focused, he ran right into Raven, his lips meeting hers. Time seemed to freeze, but then BB spoke.
"I didn't know you cared, Rae."
She replied by slapping him in the face. She turned to leave, but smiled to herself.
"What a babe," BB said as he went to the living room.
"There you are," Cy said, "Are you checking the other pipes?"
"Certainly."
"What about the kitchen sink?"
"I was getting to it."
"Grab your ear," Cy ordered.
BB obliged.
"Come on," Cy said as he pulled Beast Boy's arm.
"Ouch!"
"You see that?" BB held out a fist.
Cy smacked it, and it swung under and over onto BB's head. Cy then grabbed BB by the collar.
"Now listen, grapehead, I'll explain it so even you can understand it. Check under the sink for leaks. Is that too hard for you?"
BB scowled, but did as told. He opened the cabinets under the sink and looked at the pipes. Water suddenly shot him in the face.
"There's a leak."
"Let me see."
Cy looked under.
"I don't see anything. Quit playing around."
BB scratched his head. He knew what he felt. He stuck his head back under the sink and was met with another spray of water in the face.
"It happened again!" BB exclaimed.
"What?"
"Just watch."
BB stuck his head under and was again sprayed.
"See?" he said before he morphed into a dog to shake off the water.
Cyborg looked again and this time he was sprayed.
"Oh, a wise guy, eh? Let's go outside and get KF."
The two went outside and KF was standing outside the door.
"I didn't see anything."
Cy screamed at the sight of all the holes dug in the ground. He was about to strike KF, when a cry of help came from inside. The trio ran back inside to see Star backing out of the kitchen. The stove was shooting out water.
"This place is haunted!" BB screamed.
"I'm checking out the control room," Cy said.
He was about to leave the room, when he smacked BB and KF upside their heads.
"What was that for?" BB asked.
"Yeah," KF added, "We didn't do anything."
"That's in case you do and I'm not around."
The two glared as Cyborg stepped out of the room.
Meanwhile
"Crud," Gizmo said, "That stupid Titan is coming in here. Gotta hide."
He crawled back into the air vent. Cyborg walked in and looked around.
"Someone's been hacking into the system," Cy said to himself.
"How could he tell just by looking?" Gizmo wondered.
Cy went back into the living room. He motioned for Raven to come close. He whispered something to her. She nodded and went over to Beast Boy to share the secret. BB in turn told Kid Flash, who told Jinx, who told Starfire, who told Robin. The group nodded to each other and continued their activities.
Raven sat down on the couch and meditated.
"What are you standing around for?!" Cy shouted at BB and KF.
"You were doing something," BB replied.
"Well get back to work."
"Not me," BB answered indignantly.
Cy slapped him.
"Not me!"
Cy slapped him twice.
"I'm still not working."
Cy slapped him twice, hit him in the gut and the forehead, and then bonked him on top of his head.
"Now are you gonna work?" Cy questioned.
"Well, I don't know now," BB calmly replied.
"BB, look at my hand and pick out two fingers."
BB picked the first two fingers.
"One, two. Ouch!"
Cy poked BB in the eyes.
"Why don't you leave him alone?" KF demanded.
Cy pulled on Kid Flash's hair.
"What're you butting in for?"
BB was laughing at KF.
"Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk!"
KF zoomed over to BB.
"Last time I help you," he said as he slapped BB.
Cy pulled him back by the hair.
"Who you slapping?"
Cy backed this up with a slap.
"And as for you," he said as he looked at BB.
Cy pounded on BB's head and sent him to the floor. BB proceeded to run in a big circle on the floor. The other two could only watch.
"Woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop!!" BB exclaimed.
All this time, in the air vent, Gizmo was trying to restrain himself from laughing. That moment, he was thrown from the vent into the living room.
"Got him," Raven said.
Gizmo was about to use his equipment to get away, but it shorted out and wouldn't work.
"What the…?"
"Oops, it broke," Jinx said from behind him.
Gizmo made a run for it, only to run into Star and Robin.
"You are surrounded," Star said.
"Yeah," BB added, "What she said."
Cy smacked him upside the head.
"Why don't you be quiet?"
"Come on now," Robin said as he grabbed Gizmo, "It's back to jail for you."
He and Star left carrying out the creep.
"Looks like we did it," Cy said with a smug look.
"What do you mean we?" BB asked, "Ruff!"
"Beast Boy," Raven said, "Don't bark at Cyborg."
"Jinx," Kid Flash said, "You're my life, my love, my all."
"Thanks, now let's eat."
BB looked over at Raven.
"That was cool, Rae."
"Thanks."
"After being hit repeatedly though, I'm gonna take a nap."
"Good idea."
Later
BB awoke and walked into the living room. Cy and Speedy were there putting up wallpaper. Suddenly, three men in suits came in.
"Pardon us, gentlemen."
The three looked around.
"He must mean us," Cy said to the other two.
"We're businessmen from another country. We heard all about you and wish to engage your services. We think you're perfect for the job."
They were pointing at Beast Boy.
"Me?"
"Him?" Cy and KF chimed in.
"Yes, you shall be dictator of our country."
"What's a dictator do?" BB asked.
"Why he makes love to beautiful women, drinks champagne, enjoys life, and never works."
"I've already got a hot babe, but go on," BB commented.
"He makes speeches to the people promising them plenty, gives them nothing, then takes everything. That's a dictator!"
"Oh, a parasite," Speedy spoke up, "That's for me."
"Quiet! I must think," BB said as he sat down.
He thought it over for a minute and sprang back up.
"I like the job, but I can't leave my friends. Our motto is one for all and all for me."
"We won't break your triumvirate."
They pointed at Cyborg.
"You'll be Field Marshall and head of all our fighting forces."
"With a uniform?"
"You can have as many as you want after you've shot the general wearing it."
"Booyah!"
They pointed to Speedy.
"You'll be Minister of Propaganda."
"What's propaganda?" Speedy inquired.
"A propaganda and a mamagander get together and have goslings," Cy answered.
"Okay, we'll do it. Now what?" BB questioned the men.
"You start a beer putsch."
"How?" Speedy asked.
"Putsch your beer down and wait for the pretzels," Cy jokingly explained.
"No, you go to all the saloons and buy beer for the all the saloonatics. Then you march them to the palace and force the king to abdicate, which will make you dictator."
"Hail!" the trio cried.
Still later
BB was now standing on a balcony in a tan trench coat. Cyborg was to his left in a general's uniform that was covered with medals. On his right was Speedy in a black suit and top hat.
"My good people," BB began, "I'm pleased to see this little gathering."
An enormous crowd stood below listening.
"We must overthrow the monarchy to make this country safe for hypocrisy!"
Speedy held up a sign that said 'Cheer.'
'We'll have less work and more play!"
Speedy held up a sign that said 'Hiss.' The crowd did so. BB kicked Speedy in the leg and he switched the sign around so it said 'Cheers' again.
"Our country must expand. We must extend our neighbors a helping hand. Two helping hands. Then help ourselves to our neighbors!"
BB then began ranting and raving in another language. Not even Cy or Speedy knew what he was saying. BB went on for a few minutes like this.
Then he said, "Yah?"
He looked at Cy, "Yah?"
He looked at Speedy, "Yah?"
"Yah, man!" the three shouted.
"Halleluiah!" Speedy threw in, only to receive a slap to the face.
"And now the time," Cy said.
"When your hear the conk," Speedy said, "It will be three o'clock."
He hit Cyborg's head with a hammer to produce the conk.
"Three o'clock," Cy said.
"3 o'clock," Speedy said.
"It must be 3:00," BB replied.
The three then began to laugh evilly.
Later again
"Where's my sectry?" BB asked.
"Secretary," Speedy corrected.
"Which is correct?" BB asked Cy.
"Stenographer."
Cy then sat down to read a book.
"Hey," BB said, "Don't read that book. Suppose you learn something. Burn all the books."
"Not this book," Cy shot back.
BB looked through it to see a list of girl's phone numbers.
"I'll keep this."
"Oh, a bookkeeper, eh?!" Cy cried.
"Why burn the books?" Speedy asked.
"Bookies are overrunning the country," BB explained.
Raven came in.
"I have foreseen that your regime will come to an abrupt end. Also get some more food for dinner. I'm not about to do everything."
She then left.
"That was weird," BB said.
"I don't trust her," Cy said.
"What are you gonna do?" BB asked sarcastically, "Shoot her?"
Cy showed him a pair of dice and said, "Yes."
"With dice?"
"They're loaded."
Speedy spoke up, "As Minister of Propaganda, I –"
"Don't wanna hear from you," BB finished with a slap.
BB walked off.
"What's the matter with him?" Speedy asked Cyborg.
"He's grouchy from getting up on the wrong side of the gutter. I oughta take him up to the roof and overthrow him."
Suddenly, they heard a loud noise.
"What's that?" Cy asked.
They looked out the window.
"It's the king and a huge crowd of people," Speedy observed.
"They're coming to get us!" Cy exclaimed.
"Let's get out of here!" BB screamed.
The trio ran into a random empty room.
"That was close," BB said.
The room wasn't empty, however, because it housed the lions.
"I knew we should have picked a better place to put these," Cy complained.
The lions sprang at them.
"Beast Boy, wake up!"
"Huh?"
"What were you doing?" asked Raven.
BB was on the floor.
"Nightmare. Sort of. Anyway, Rae, I'm in the mood to watch some Three Stooges. Let's go!"
He ran out into the hallway. Raven shook her head and sighed.
"What a half wit."