Notes: Sorry it took so long.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Teen Titans, The Muppet Show, Alice in Wonderland, or The Wizard of Oz
That's Not Normal
Ch. 8: The Titan Show
Today at Titans Tower, everyone was doing their normal activities.
"Hey," BB said, "Has anyone noticed Robin isn't here?"
"I figured he was training or something," Raven replied.
Cyborg and Starfire nodded in agreement.
Just then, Robin came through the front door.
"Team," he said, "We've got a job to do."
They were paying close attention.
"The city is raising money for charity and has asked us to help by putting on a show."
They stared at him.
"You're kidding, right?" Raven questioned.
"No."
"You mean like a talent show type of thing?" BB asked.
"More or less. I've asked every Titan to participate."
"Oh, this should be most exciting," Star said.
"Let's do it then," Cy said.
They went off to prepare.
Much later
A large crowd was assembled in a large theater. Out came Robin as the master of ceremonies. He was wearing a suit.
"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for coming out tonight to support this event. Now my team and I will perform a show as a special treat. I'd like to start things of with a few jokes of my own. I just got back from a pleasure trip. I dropped my mother-in-law off at the airport."
The audience chuckled.
"Then a funny thing happened –"
"Funny! Funny!" some obviously bored voices cried out.
"What the…?"
Robin looked around. He then noticed Beast Boy and Cyborg sitting in a box section.
"What are you doing up there?!"
"Watching your act," Cy explained.
"We couldn't resist," BB added, "We'd hate to miss it."
"We'd also love to hate it."
There were a few laughs in the audience.
"Very funny, but just keep quiet."
"Hey, Rob," BB called.
"What?"
"I figured out your style. You work like Gregory Peck."
"Gregory Peck isn't a comedian."
"Well?"
Now most of the audience was laughing.
"Hey, if I can fight crime, I can do this. I've been successful half my life."
"How come we got this half?" Cy quipped.
"Look," Rob said sounding frustrated, "Did you come here to be entertained or not?"
"That's right," Cy said.
"What's right?"
"We came here to be entertained, and we're not."
"Oh, yeah? I'd like to see you come down here and be funny."
"You first," BB replied.
The audience kept laughing.
"Very funny. Don't pay attention to him, ladies and gentlemen. He's the fifth child in a family of four. Now let me tell my story –"
"Hey, Rob!" Cy shouted.
"What?"
"You know what you're doing wrong?"
"What?"
"You're standing too close to the audience."
Robin took a step back.
"How's this?"
"You're still too close."
Robin took another step back.
"Better?"
"A little more."
"How far back do you want me to go?"
"Got a car?"
Cy laughed at his own joke along with BB and the audience.
"If you two don't stop, I'll have the usher throw you out!"
"He can't. He's busy," BB shot back.
"Doing what?"
"Keeping people in!"
Robin looked out at the hysterical audience.
"You're encouraging them, audience!"
He looked back at Cy and BB.
"I've got a good mind to punch you in your nose."
"Please," BB replied, "Not while I'm holding it."
"That's pretty funny," Robin conceded.
"You can use it."
"I don't need your material. I've got a million funny lines in the back of my head."
"How come they never reach your mouth?" Cy responded.
"Will you two give it a rest? You think I'm doing this for fun?"
"Not so far."
"I see. So, you think you could do better?"
"I couldn't do worse."
"Alright. I dare you both to come down here and entertain."
"We should," BB said to Cy.
"Can you sing?"
"No," BB replied.
"Can you dance?"
"No," Cy replied.
"Can you get laughs?"
"No," Cy said again.
"Then what would you do?"
"Just what you're doing!" BB joked.
"Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!"
The audience was roaring with laughter.
"That's it! I'm calling the police."
"Good idea," Cy remarked, "You need all the protection you can get."
"All right, that's it!"
Kid Flash came on stage.
"Hey, Rob," Kid Flash asked, "How's it going?"
"These two have been heckling me since I came on."
"Would you like me to help you out?"
"Yes, thank you."
"Which way did you come in?" KF asked with a smirk.
Robin turned to yell, but KF had already taken off backstage. Robin then went off stage while grumbling to himself.
"Anyone who wants to can go out there," Rob said.
Herald went out on stage.
"Time for a trumpet solo," he said.
Herald blew out a tune on his trumpet, only to have several audience members get sucked into another dimension.
"Oops. Wrong trumpet."
He ran off stage to quickly retrieve the missing people. Now Starfire decided to go onstage. She was holding her gorka pipes.
"I thought I would first sing a Tamaranian song."
From her mouth emerged a loud screeching that only few had lived to tell about. The audience struggled to block out the noise. Beast Boy morphed into a dog and began to howl. Somebody had to get her to stop.
"Robin," Raven said, "If you don't do something right now, I'm going to get very angry."
Robin swallowed hard. He was going to have to take one for the team. He ran towards Starfire and tackled her to the ground. She looked at him with disbelief.
"What has come over you, Robin?"
"I…just wanted to say…I love you and I left a whole box full of mustard in your dressing room. You should go there right now. Yeah, that's the ticket."
"Really?! You are so thoughtful, Robin. I shall go immediately."
She flew behind the curtain. Robin walked up to the others. He handed KF some cash.
"Kid Flash, would you be kind enough to get a crate of mustard at the supermarket?"
"No problem. As long as she doesn't sing again."
He sped off into the city.
"I do not see it Robin!" Star called.
"They must have sent it to the tower by accident," he shouted back.
"Oh no!"
"They're already on their way here though."
"Glorious!"
Robin turned back to the others.
"Well –"
"It's here!" Star shouted.
Robin was about to say something, when Cyborg went out onstage carrying the empty case the mustard had come in. Beast Boy came out onstage from the opposite direction.
"Hey," BB asked Cy, "Where're you going?"
"I'm taking my case to court."
The audience laughed.
"Got them warmed up, Rob," Cy said.
"Great," Rob replied, "So who's next?"
"I'll go," said Aqualad.
He went out while carrying several bottles of water.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "Behold the act of juggling as never seen before."
He opened all the water bottles and with one hand he poured out one after the other. While he did so, he used his abilities to pull the water into a ball with his other hand. After all the bottles were empty, he separated the large ball of water into three smaller balls. The he proceeded to juggle.
"You've gotta admit this is impressive."
He created more balls of water to juggle. He also started to juggle faster. The water was moving so fast some of it fell to the ground. Now the stage was wet from the water. Aqualad began to walk around to show off even more. Unfortunately, he didn't notice the wet floor and slipped and fell. The water he still had now fell on him, causing him to get soaked. He then got up, gave a quick bow, and stormed off.
"That was kind of ironic," Jinx said.
"Next," Rob said.
"That would be me," Cy said.
He went onstage with a microphone. He began to sing.
When there's trouble you know what to do
Call Cyborg!
He can shoot a rocket from his shoe
Cause he's Cyborg!
Doo da doo doo something like that
Na na na na big fluffy cat
That's right
"Go, Cyborg! Go, Cyborg! Go, Cy!"
He struck a pose as he finished. He was met with silence. He sighed to himself.
"Okay. Yo, Rob, pull!"
Robin threw one of his bombs high into the air. Cy shot it to cause a great explosion. The audience was now cheering.
"No accounting for taste," Cy muttered as he left the stage.
Next up was Speedy.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I will now show off my proficient archery skills by hitting all three marked targets at the top of the balcony."
Heads turned to get a better view of the targets. Speedy pulled out his bow. He set an arrow and paused for effect. Then he let it fly. It was a perfect bull's-eye. The crowd cheered. Speedy did a little bow. He set another arrow on his bow. He drew back the string, and then let it fly. It was another bull's-eye, which earned another cheer from the crowd. As Speedy drew back a third arrow, some girls in the front row waved at him. He smiled and nodded at them. He was about to continue, when Wonder Girl came storming out onto the stage.
"Speedy! Were you flirting with those other girls?!"
"Of course not, baby."
"Don't you 'baby' me. I saw what you did. We need to talk."
She grabbed his arm.
"But, honey, I still have an arrow on here."
He accidentally let go. The arrow flew off course and sent people running from the balcony. There was an explosion.
"Oops," was all Speedy said.
"Look what you did," WG said to him.
"ME?!"
The pair walked off the stage while arguing.
"Please let something go right," Robin said to himself.
Cyborg walked past him carrying the empty case and a ladder. BB once more came out the other side to meet him.
"Hey," BB said, "Now where're you going?"
"I'm taking my case to a higher court."
The audience laughed again. The two went offstage, but then Beast Boy went back out by himself. He decided to pull out all his material.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Let's get things started. Why did the cookie go see the doctor?"
He paused. The audience stared back with bored faces.
"Okay, maybe not. Why did the aardvark cross the road?"
Same reaction.
"What do get when you cross a magician with a camera?"
Nothing.
"What do you get when you put a brain in a cryogenic machine?"
Still nothing.
"I've got one. There was this sailor who was so fat –"
"HOW FAT WAS HE?!" shouted a large, angry sailor in the crowd.
"Uh, he was so fat that everybody liked him and there was nothing funny about him at all," BB answered nervously.
The crowd booed him.
"How about the tuborkel? Get it? Tuba and snorkel."
More booing ensued.
"Alright, that's it. I was saving this for last, but it's time to bring out the big guns."
Beast Boy began to morph into many different animals. He started small: a hummingbird, a rat, a rabbit, a cat, a dog, a rooster, a cobra, a monkey, a pig, a ram, and an eagle. Then he moved on to the bigger animals like a bison, a giraffe, a hippo, a rhino, a lion, a tiger, a grizzly bear, a sea lion, a horse, a Velociraptor, an ostrich, a llama, a kangaroo, a Triceratops, and a Tyrannosaurus Rex. He stopped to catch his breath before morphing into a Brachiosaurus. He looked out over the applauding crowd and let out a bellow. Suddenly, he heard a crack. Then the stage collapsed. Back to normal, he crawled out of the wreckage.
"Ta-da!"
Then he ran backstage.
"Don't worry, Rob," Cy assured him, "We can rebuild the stage in a few minutes."
"It still wasn't very smart of him to morph something that big and heavy," Robin replied.
"At least the crowd loved it."
"I guess."
A little later
"All finished, Rob," Cy said.
"Finally. Ladies and gentlemen, the show will now continue. Presenting the veterinarian sketch. Thank you."
A green bull was lying on his side as three vets looked it over. The vets were Cyborg, Jinx, and Bumblebee.
"Where was the patient found?" Jinx asked.
"He was found with a bunch of cows," Cy answered.
"You mean herd."
"Herd what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Sure, I've heard of cows."
The trio laughed at the corny joke as much as the audience.
"No," Jinx said "I mean the cows herd."
"I don't care what the cows heard," Cy replied, "I didn't say anything to be ashamed of."
They laughed again.
"Are we going to operate?" asked Bumblebee.
"No," Cy replied, "We've milked this long enough"
More laughter ensued. Beast Boy morphed back human.
"Hey," BB said, "I have a steak in this too, you know."
All laughed.
"We've had a moo-ving experience," Jinx said.
"Well let's do so," Cy replied, "On to the next patient."
They walked up to a green dog.
"A dog? I hope he doesn't have fleas."
"Why not?" asked Bumblebee.
"I don't want to start from scratch. Next patient!"
Beast Boy was now laying on a table in a Hawaiian shirt.
"What's wrong with this patient?"
"I think he's just homesick," Jinx said, "He's from Hawaii."
"Are you sure about that? We better take his temperature," Cy said, sticking the thermometer into BB's mouth.
"How's that supposed to help?" asked Bumblebee.
"Ah-ha! See this? He really is from Hawaii. Look at his temperature: 5-O!"
They all laughed loudly.
"Okay okay, one more patient."
Beast Boy was now simply dressed in his regular clothes.
"What happened to this guy?"
"He went in for surgery, but they left a clock inside him," Jinx explained.
"Well look on the plus side, we'll know the exact time of death."
"Dude," BB said, "Can't you just get it out?"
"Prepare to operate! I'll get that clock, along with another vital piece."
"What's that?"
"Your wallet."
"Very funny, but I called in a specialist."
"Say what? We don't need a specialist. This is already a hospital."
"Really? With all the jokes that were dying, I thought this was a morgue," Raven quipped as she appeared in a doctor costume.
"Raven, what are you doing here?" Cy asked, "You never tell jokes."
"And I'm not about to start now. I don't want to set a precedent for these skits."
Everyone except Raven roared with laughter.
Raven rolled her eyes, "Let's get out of here, Beast Boy."
As she started to drag him offstage, he said, "But Rae, we were still playing doctor."
"Don't worry, later we'll play a different game of doctor."
BB smiled as he picked Raven up in his arms and ran off.
"You know," Cy said, "I think we could've done this show differently."
"Like how?" Jinx asked.
"Better!"
The audience applauded as the group bowed and walked off. Cy came back on holding a coat hanger. He was pretending to cry. BB walked up to him.
"Hey," BB asked, "What happened in court?"
Cy replied, "I lost the suit."
The pair couldn't keep a straight face and laughed with the audience.
"It's finally over," Rae said.
"Not quite," Rob said, "We've still got more time we need to fill."
"Oh, joy."
"You should be excited, Raven, because you're the star of the next act."
"What?"
BB dragged her off to a dressing room. Robin went onstage.
"For our final act, ladies and gentlemen, we've decided to perform Alice in Wonderland. Starring our own Raven as Alice, and of course everyone else has their own part. Let the show begin."
He felt a tap on the shoulder. It was Speedy.
"Why am I the white rabbit?"
"You should be happy since your role is prominent."
"I feel stupid wearing these fake ears."
"Tough. Now get back there."
Speedy grumbled as he went behind the curtain. Robin went off as the curtain opened. Raven was wearing a dress that looked like the one from the book, but the same color as her usual outfit.
"When I find out who picked me for this –"
Speedy ran onstage.
"Make way, I'm late! I'm looking for a hole."
"A whole what?" Rae quipped.
"I hate smart Alices," Speedy retorted as he kept looking.
"There it is. Now let's get this play moving."
He jumped into the hole. Raven didn't move.
"Raven," Rob hissed, "Go after him."
"Not interested."
"You can pick the next movie we see."
She said nothing.
"We won't annoy you for at least a week."
She still remained silent.
"Beast Boy can be your slave for a month."
"Hey!" BB cried from offstage.
"He already is," Rae replied.
"HEY!" BB cried again.
"I'll buy you as much black licorice as you want," Robin said.
Raven turned to look at him. She seemed to be thinking it over.
"Deal."
"That's fine. Now if you would please go with the story…"
She sighed as she stood up and jumped down the hole. She was soon slowly falling to the bottom of the hole.
"Curiouser and curiouser. That's not a real word, you know."
Random objects flew past as she descended.
"How long is this going to take? I must say these are pretty good special effects."
She gracefully landed at the bottom. She did a mock curtsy for the audience. She turned and noticed that Speedy had already gotten through the small door.
"Hey, no fair. How do I get through?"
"It's easy. Just have some dessert," Speedy called back.
Raven noticed some cake on a table. She rolled her eyes as she took a bite.
"What do you know? It is easy. It's a piece of cake. Now I sound like Beast Boy."
Raven shrunk to a foot tall and went through the tiny doorway.
"Don't ask how they made it so my outfit shrinks with me."
The curtains closed for the scene change.
"Isn't she a great little actress, Cy?" Speedy asked.
"Yeah, and getting smaller," he replied with a laugh.
"I may be small," Rae said, "But I can still do this."
Speedy and Cy were surrounded by black energy and lifted into the air. Rae caused them to smash into each other, and then fall to the ground.
"We're sorry," they apologized.
"Whatever. Let's get going so I can get my height back."
"Okay, team," Rob said, "Let's get ready for the next scene."
"Two trifling things, Rob," Kid Flash said.
"Such as?"
"I'm ready," Aqualad announced as he came in.
He was dressed as the tin woodsman from The Wizard of Oz.
"Forgive him," KF said, "He hasn't read any of these stories."
"Aqualad," Rob said, "There's no tin woodsman in Alice in Wonderland."
"I thought we were doing Peter Pan," Aqualad replied.
Robin fought back the temptation to scream.
"Just go get changed."
"I'll try."
"Now," Rob asked KF, "Where's Jinx?"
"That's the other trifling thing."
"Someone say my name?"
Jinx was dressed like Alice, only with a purple dress.
"Why are you dressed like Alice?" Rob asked.
"I heard she fell."
"She's fine."
"Pity. I memorized her lines."
"Well, memorize the Queen of Hearts' lines because that's your part."
Jinx perked up.
"Of course, only we could pull that role off," she said with a smirk.
She went back to her dressing room.
"I'll get back to my room," KF said.
"Excuse me, Robin," said a voice.
Robin turned to see Thunder dressed as the caterpillar.
"I don't like this costume. It's very tight"
"Well it's either that or you're fired. You don't want to disappoint the audience do you?"
Thunder sighed as he turned to the stage.
"The show must go on."
"Why did we do Alice in Wonderland?" Robin questioned himself, "Why not something simple like War and Peace?"
Kid Flash was onstage in front of the curtain.
"Robin's pulling himself to pieces, so I said I'll introduce the next scene. Ladies and gentlemen, the caterpillar scene!"
Thunder was sitting atop a mushroom, humming to himself.
"I don't smoke." Thunder explained.
Raven walked onstage, "Good, it's a bad habit."
"Who are you?" Thunder asked.
"What?" Rae replied.
"Who are you, little lady?"
"No short jokes or you'll regret it."
"Sorry."
"Anyway, I'm just as tall as you're supposed to be."
"Yes, but I'm a caterpillar."
"Look, the point is I have to be taller by the next scene."
"No, the point is you should try growing mushrooms."
"I don't have time to grow mushrooms."
"No, not growing mushrooms. I mean growing mushrooms. The kind you eat and then you grow."
Thunder chuckled at his last remark.
"Fine, I'm game," Rae replied, "Do you know where I can find one of these growing mushrooms?"
"Right here. Help yourself. Just mind you take a piece off the bottom."
"Why the bottom?"
"Because there isn't mush room on top," Thunder said with a laugh.
"Hilarious."
Raven took a bite and started to grow.
"Back to normal," she said.
Then she kept growing.
"That's the trouble with kids today," Thunder quipped, "They grow up so fast."
"Close the curtain," Raven ordered.
Thunder went backstage. Robin stopped him.
"You looked like you were having a ball out there after all."
"Of course," Thunder replied, "My mother was a moth. I'm sure you've heard of –"
"Moth balls," they said at the same time.
"Very funny," Rob said, as Thunder left.
"Now for the next scene," Rob continued, "The mad tea party."
"Robin, I can't go on with Raven," Beast Boy said, dressed as the Mad Hatter.
"Why not?"
"She's a big star."
"What are you talking about?"
"She's become a big star. Do you know how big?"
"Okay, Beast Boy, I'll humor you. How big?"
"Oh, I'd say about twenty feet," BB replied as he pointed behind Robin.
Robin turned around and saw only Raven's legs. He looked up and couldn't help but gasp.
"Raven, what are you doing up there?"
"The weather's better up here," she sarcastically replied, "Guess I overate."
"Too many mushrooms will do that," BB chimed in, "Look at the Super Mario series."
"Shut up, Beast Boy," Rae snapped, "What do I do now, Robin?"
"Just wait in your dressing room for now. I'll get whoever caused this."
"Okay."
She walked off.
"Hey, Rae," BB called, "Wait for me."
"Kid Flash," Rob said, "Find someone else to go out. I need to find Cyborg."
"Right, boss."
Kid Flash looked around.
"Who do we have?"
"Well," replied Herald, "Killowatt agreed to play Humpty Dumpty."
"I've read this story," Killowatt said, "Have all the king's horses and all the king's men on standby."
"Don't worry. Now go on out there. You'll be great. Grade A."
"Very funny."
Killowatt went onstage as KF chuckled at his own joke. Killowatt was now standing on top of a high brick wall.
"I am Humpty Dumpty."
"Boring!" Cyborg shouted from the balcony.
"You don't like it? What're you going to do about it?"
"Cyborg!" Robin cried, "Get over here."
Before he made a run for it, Cy shot his cannon at the brick wall. The blast caused the wall to fall apart, which in turn caused Killowatt to fall off.
"What a mess," Wonder Girl said, "And on his unbirthday."
"I hate off the wall comedy," Speedy said with a smile.
Meanwhile
"You look beautiful, Rae," BB said.
"Shut up, Beast Boy."
"Well you do."
"Right now I'm not really concerned with how I look, considering that I barely fit in this room. So, you're not helping."
Raven was indeed crammed into her dressing room. At 30 ft. tall, her knees were bent, but still touched the opposite wall. BB was sitting on her right shoulder.
"How about a kiss, Rae?"
"What?"
"We're never gonna have an opportunity like this again."
"Not if I can help it."
"Well then? Let me feel those big, soft lips of yours."
Raven just stared at him for a bit. BB had a confident smirk on his face.
"Alright then, just one kiss."
Her lips took up his entire face. BB then fell off her shoulder, bounced off her chest, and fell onto her stomach.
"What a woman!"
Raven couldn't help but smile. Just then, Robin and Cyborg came in.
"Did we interrupt something?" Cy asked with a knowing smile.
"Do you want me to hit you?" Rae threatened.
Cy's smile quickly disappeared.
"Let's focus, team," Robin interjected.
"Did you bring a doctor?" BB asked.
"What good would that do?" Rob asked.
"Maybe he's a shrink."
BB and Cy laughed. Even Raven had to chuckle at that.
"Cy," Rob continued, "You made the stuff. When does it wear off?"
"Yeah, Rae doesn't want to dress up as the Statue of Liberty every Halloween," BB said.
"Seriously, I can't go through life this tall," Rae said.
"Why not?" Cy replied, "There's money in basketball. Or maybe we could rent you out as a lighthouse."
Cy and BB laughed again. Cy stopped when Rae gave him a look.
"Anyway, the effects should reverse any minute."
"How convenient," Rae said.
BB jumped off as she started to shrink down to normal.
"Normal height again," Rae said.
But she kept on shrinking.
"Cyborg!"
"Oops," was all Cy could say.
"Beast Boy, I have to get back outside. You watch Raven. Cy, you're coming with me."
"Good idea," Cy replied.
The two quickly ran out of the room.
As Raven finally stopped at three inches, BB picked her up.
"I'll take care of you, Rae."
"I may be small, again, but I can still take care of myself."
Beast Boy's ears drooped. Raven levitated over to his face and gave him a tiny kiss on the nose.
"Thank you, Garfield. I appreciate it. Now go and help Robin. I'll be fine."
He smiled as he left her room.
Meanwhile, again
"This play has been a disaster," Aqualad said aloud, mostly to himself, "I can't play the tin woodsman, Raven/Alice has been shrunk, and now they're fixing up Humpty Dumpty."
"Isn't that good?" Kid Flash asked.
"With bacon and sausage?"
KF laughed.
"Stop worrying so much, Aqualad. Look at me, I'm smiling."
"You're the Cheshire Cat, so you're supposed to smile."
"Well, regardless, try and be positive. Just think of all those songs about being happy and smiling."
"He's right," Thunder piped up, "Considering I and my brother's powers, there's always one song I think of."
T: Gray skies are bound to clear up
KF: Put on a happy face
T: Brush off the clouds and cheer up
KF: Put on a happy face
"Alright, I get it!" Aqualad interrupted, "I feel much better now."
"Fair enough," KF replied, "I gotta get going to help with the next scene anyway."
Thunder gave Aqualad a nod, then left.
"I think that singing made me even more depressed," Aqualad said to himself.
"And now, ladies and gentlemen," Kid Flash announced, "One of Lewis Carroll's beloved poems: Jabberwocky."
The curtain pulled back to reveal Robin holding a sword. BB and Cyborg came out to join him. Speedy, Wonder Girl, Thunder, and Starfire were in the background. They started to recite the poem.
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
BB turned into a badger with a corkscrew nose
All mimsy were the borogoves,
BB was now a tall, shaggy-looking bird with long legs.
And the mome raths outgrabe.
BB turned into a pig. Then he changed back and went off stage. Robin walked over to Cyborg. Cy was wearing a very flamboyant outfit and hat.
Cy: Beware the Jabberwock, my son.
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!
Robin gave him a nod as Cy went stage right.
Rob: He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought –
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought
And as in uffish thought he stood
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!
BB was some strange winged, dragon-like creature with a long neck.
"Burble, burble," BB said, as intimidating as he could.
Robin lifted his sword and faced the "monster."
Rob: One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
Robin appeared to have cut off BB's head.
Rob: He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.
"Galumph, galumph," Rob and BB said in unison.
Cyborg came back to stand before Robin.
Cy: And has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Robin nodded. Cy gave him a bear hug.
Cy: Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
Rob: He chortled in his joy.
"Hey, Rob," Cy said, "You mind if I ask you something?"
"What?"
"What does all this actually mean?"
"No idea."
BB's head began to speak.
BB: 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
"This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen," Rob said.
"Dudes," BB said, "Can I put on my body and leave now?"
"Well," Cy replied, "You should quit while you're a-head."
Everyone laughed but Robin. He went backstage to look for Raven.
"Raven, are you here?"
"Hey, Robin!" Jinx called, "I have a complaint."
Jinx was wearing the Queen of Heart's dress.
"Now's not a good time."
"I only have one line. What's the deal?"
"Jinx, please watch your step."
"What?"
"Raven's only about three inches tall and I have no idea where she is. So please be careful. Besides that, without Raven the courtroom scene can't go on. So I'll have to cancel it."
Robin ran off. Jinx looked very angry, but said nothing. She did, however, jump up and down in different spots.
"Oops, I forgot," she said sarcastically, "Sorry, Raven."
Raven was up in the rafters looking at everyone.
"Why do they keep forgetting that I can still use my powers?"
Despite Robin's protests, the courtroom scene proceeded. Jinx was there as the queen, Red Star was the king, and Starfire was the duchess. Everyone else was a juror. Speedy came forward to announce something, but Robin came running out.
"What are you people doing?"
"What's it look like?" Speedy shot back.
"We can't have this scene without Alice," Rob argued.
"Hush."
"Speedy, you're the white rabbit. What are you doing here?"
"Hush, I'm the h-usher. Now then, presenting the presiding judge: Lightning!"
Lightning came out in a black robe and white wig.
"Thank you, you're too kind. Silence in the court!"
He whacked Speedy upside the head with his gavel. Speedy collapsed to the floor.
"That case rests."
"Your Honor, we're missing the star witness," Rob stated.
Lightning shrugged and said, "Who cares?"
"I move we hold the trial."
"Good idea," Lightning replied, "You move while we hold the trial."
Everyone, except Robin, laughed
"Now then, Robin" Lightning continued, "Have you been sworn in?"
"At: yes, in: no."
"Then place your left hand on the book, raise your right hand, and repeat after me."
Robin did so.
Lightning leaned in close and whispered, "Ow."
"Ow?" Robin repeated.
Lightning then swung his gavel and hit Robin's left hand.
"OW!"
Everyone laughed at Robin. Speedy got up from the floor and turned to Lightning.
"Your Honor," Speedy began.
"Where?! Oh right, that's me."
"Before the jury retires –"
"Before the jury retires," Lightning interrupted, "The queen shall read the sentence."
"Off with her head," Jinx said, with no enthusiasm.
Cyborg and Beast Boy stuck their heads out from behind the stage.
"I think it should be declared a mistrial," Cy said.
"What do you mean miss?" BB asked, "He hit both Speedy and Robin, that's gotta count for something."
The pair laughed. Everyone went backstage.
"Alright, that's it!" Robin shouted, "We can't go on! This play is over!"
"Hey, Rob," Kid Flash spoke up, "Raven's her normal size again."
Robin looked like he was about to have a heart attack.
"Alright, everybody get ready. The mad tea-party is up!"
"I love how flexible our leader is. Don't you?" KF joked.
A long table filled with food, utensils, plates, and such took up most of the stage. Despite there being lots of chairs, the trio of people sitting down was huddled at one end. Beast Boy and Geo-Force were onstage as the Mad Hatter and March Hare respectively. Rose (Ravager), who was almost as serious as Raven most of the time, was surprisingly onstage as well. She was leaning back in a chair between BB and GF, taking a nap. She was dressed as the dormouse. BB and Geo-Force were singing aloud.
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
"I finished the song first!" BB crowed.
"Did not!" GF argued.
Raven came onstage now.
"No room! No room!" BB and GF cried.
"There's plenty of room," Rae replied as she sat down in an arm-chair.
"Have some wine," Geo-Force encouraged Raven.
"I don't see any wine," Rae replied.
"There isn't any."
"Then it wasn't nice to offer it."
"It wasn't nice of you to sit down without being invited."
"He's got you there, Rae – I mean, Alice," BB said.
"Regardless, the table's set up for a lot of people."
"Let's change the subject," BB said, "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"
"Don't you mean why is "Raven" like a writing desk?" GF joked.
BB and GF laughed.
"That's easy," BB said, "People try to avoid both."
"What?" Rae said, giving him a look.
"Oops, I meant to say – look at my watch."
"I'll let that go for now," Rae said.
"What day of the month is it?" BB asked, looking at his watch.
"The fourth," Rae answered.
"Ah ha! Two days wrong!" BB sighed, "I told you not to use butter."
"It was the best butter," GF replied.
"You got crumbs in it. You shouldn't have used a bread knife."
"Well I couldn't use a fork, could I?"
BB dunked the watch into a cup of tea.
"I know what'll cheer you up," Geo-Force said.
GF then nudged Rose to wake her up.
"Rose, rise and shine."
Rose yawned and looked around.
"Who are you supposed to be?" Rae asked
"I'm the Dormouse," Rose replied.
"You don't look much like a mouse."
"Well," GF chimed in, "She doesn't look like a door either."
"Rose – I mean, Dormouse," BB said, "Tell us a story. And do it quickly, otherwise you'll fall asleep before you're finished."
"Once upon a time," Rose began, "There were three sisters named Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; they lived at the bottom of a well –"
"What did they live on?" Rae questioned.
Rose thought for a second, and then said, "Treacle."
"What?"
"That's British for molasses. You know – syrup."
"I know that. What I meant to say was that would've made them sick."
"It did, very sick."
"Have some more tea, Alice," GF said.
"I haven't had any yet," Rae replied, "So I can't take more."
"You mean you can't take less," BB said, "It's easy to take more than nothing."
Rae rolled her eyes. Then she looked at Rose again.
"So why did they live at the bottom of a well?"
"It was a treacle-well," Rose answered.
"There's no such thing!"
BB and GF gasped.
"Disgraceful!" GF cried.
"Outrageous!" BB shouted.
"If you can't be civil," Rose said, "You can finish the story yourself."
Rae sighed, "I'm sorry. I won't interrupt again. I'm sure there's at least one treacle-well."
"Now where was I? Oh, these three sisters were learning to draw."
"Draw what?" Rae asked.
"Treacle!"
"Hole in one!" GF said.
"I want a clean cup. Everyone, move one place!"
"But the only one with a clean cup is Geo-Force," Rae pointed out.
"Continue the story," BB said, ignoring Raven's comment.
"Wait a minute," Rae interrupted, "Where did they draw treacle?"
"You can draw water from a water-well can't you?" BB replied.
"But they were in the well."
"Yes they were," Rose said, "Well in."
Rae had no remark for that. BB and GF snickered.
"They were learning to draw all things that started with M –"
"Why with an M?" Rae asked.
"Why not?"
Rae was trying not to scream.
Rae began to speak, "I don't think –"
"Then you shouldn't talk," BB shot back.
Rae looked about ready to hit him, when two more people came onstage. It was Mas and Menos.
"No room!" BB and GF shouted.
"Who are you?" Rae asked.
"We are Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum," the twins said.
Apparently, Cyborg used a translator so everyone could understand them.
"Everything looks –" Mas said.
"– so delicious," Menos finished.
"Would you like to hear the story - "
"- of the Walrus and the Carpenter?"
"We're kinda running short on time," BB said, "How about the abridged version?"
Mas and Menos thought for a few seconds.
"The Walrus and the Carpenter - "
"- ate all the oysters."
"The end!"
"Yeah, look, "Raven said, "I've read these books before, and the Walrus and the Carpenter are both horrible people."
Everyone else looked at Raven and said, "Well, duh!"
Robin came onstage.
"No room!" BB and GF shouted again.
"That's enough!" Robin shouted back, "This is ridiculous."
"You didn't have to sit through it," Rae shot back.
"Let's find some way to wrap this up."
"Let's sing a song."
"There'll be no singing while I'm around here."
Just then, Aqualad came onstage still dressed as the Tin Woodsman. Starfire, Red Star, Jinx, Herald, Thunder, Wonder Girl, and Speedy followed suite.
"No, don't sing!" Rob pleaded.
AL: We're off to see the Wizard
The wonderful Wizard of Oz
All: We hear he is a whiz of a wiz
If ever a wiz there was
If ever oh ever a wiz there was
The Wizard of Oz is one because
Because, because, because, because, because
Because of the wonderful things he does
"Wait a minute!" Robin shouted, "I told you, we're not doing The Wizard of Oz!"
"Now technically," BB replied, "You said we weren't doing Peter Pan."
"Well I don't see any pirates around here."
Just then, Cyborg came onstage dressed as Captain Hook.
"Avast, me old salts! Entertain this old sea dog or you'll get a lick of the cat! The wind is in the sails and we must away! Aaaahrrr, me laddy!"
Before anyone could say anything, Kid Flash swung down from the rafters dressed as Peter Pan. Lightning ran onstage in his judge costume.
KF: Yoooooouuuurr'e a crook, Captain Hook! Judge won't you throw the book? At the pirate...!
"That's enough!" Robin cried, "None of this makes any sense!"
"Robin," Beast Boy said, "Isn't that the whole point of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass?"
"He's got you there, Robin," Raven said.
Before he could say something else, Beast Boy motioned to Starfire. She flew over to Robin and began kissing him.
BB smiled, "Now where were we? Oh yeah, back to the chorus."
We're off to see the Wizard
BB: The wonderful Wizard
GF: The wonderful Wizard
Rose: The wonderful Wizard
M&M: The wonderful Wizard
AL: The wonderful Wizard
Rae: The wonderful Wizard?
All: The wonderful Wizard of Oz
The entire audience stood up and applauded. Robin was dazed from the kiss, but the applause snapped him out of it pretty quickly.
"Again, that made absolutely no sense," Rob said, "But they loved it."
"A big hand for our very own Alice: Raven," Cyborg announced.
Raven gave a fake curtsy. BB pulled some roses out of nowhere to give her.
"You were great, Rae," BB said.
"I had a great supporting cast."
"We have risen more than enough money," Star informed the team.
BB then turned to the audience. The curtain was closing.
"Good night, Jump City!"