A/N: Happy New Year everyone! So sorry I haven't been able to update this story before the holidays, but life got in the way, as usual. But now, with one heck of a busy, confusing, hectic year behind me, I think I can relax enough to get back to my writing.

So here's the result. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: They were on my Christmas wish list. They were not underneath the tree, though…so, regretfully, Chris, Merri and the rest of the cast of NCIS: NOLA are not mine.

Oh well, on with the story…

It's not getting any better. Two more days have passed and, as dictated by Murphy's Law, everything that can go wrong, is going wrong.

First of all, you find out from Miss Vanderbilt that she hasn't heard from Mark's father at all. Next, it takes all of your power of persuasion to talk your cousin's child out of taking the next plane, train, bus or whatever out there to come over here to visit his mom, reminding him he's still a minor and at the moment under his father's custody, whether he likes it or not. Instead, you promise to call him every day with an update until his mom can make her own calls again.

You allow Chris to contact Adrian again, since you have no idea what will come out of your mouth when you hear his voice. Chris however, stays eerily polite when he tells the other man to stop interfering with his son's rights to know about his mother's wellbeing. There's not much Chris can legally do to change this man's mind for him, but you're sure he could think of something…

Next thing to go wrong for you is your arm. In a clumsy attempt to dress yourself without help from your partner, you've managed to stumble and hit your already broken arm against the wall. Result: the barely healing fracture has shifted and the bone has to be reset again; a painful process you would gladly have gone without.

At least Chris has decided to cancel his own room and has moved himself back into yours again. You somehow (though barely) manage to put on and keep on a brave face, until one more phone call with bad news comes in: Miss Vanderbilt kindly lets you know that Mark has gone missing from his camp and has presumably decided to try and get to his mother. Adrian has been notified and an Amber alert has been put out, but just in case he actually makes it to Jackson, you're warned.

Next thing you know, Adrian is threatening to press charges against you for endangering the welfare of his son, claiming you set him up against his own father and encouraged him to do this.

It's the straw that breaks the camel's back. You let Chris handle the call, not hearing a word of what he says to the enraged ex-husband of your cousin. Have you actually once liked the guy? When he ends the call, he sees the tears gathering in your eyes and pulls you against his chest.

"Come here, sweet Merri. Let it all out."

The feeling of safety and warmth he's offering is so welcome, you gratefully accept his offer and allow yourself to fall apart in his arms. He soothes you with soft strokes and sweet words, until you're completely drained. You sag against him as he sits the both of you down on his bed. Regaining some of your composure, you lift you head to look at him, almost drowning in the depths of his blue eyes.

"Thanks Chris."

"Anytime, my sweet Merri."

You vigorously wipe away some tear streaks from your cheeks.

"God, I must look a fright."

His hand encloses yours and the look in his eyes intensifies.

"You look absolutely gorgeous to me."

This time, there's no mistaken the fact he's leaning into you. This time, there's no escape from his mouth, nor is there the will to do so. When his sweet lips capture yours in the softest, most tender kiss you've ever participated in, all pretense is soon gone.

There's no conscious choice you've made, no decision process you're going through. It's in equal parts trance and clear as day reality that you undress in between increasingly hungry kisses and caresses, before falling back on the bed.

During your lovemaking, Chris tries to slow you down several times, but you can't, too afraid this is merely a dream and the bubble will burst, too afraid it's not and you'll be forced to burst it yourself. Because as much as you need it, want it, crave for it, you're no idiot.

This isn't the start of an epic love story.

This is you, taking what you need from the most selfless man you've ever known, who's offering himself to you, despite of his own emotional battles. You don't expect any promises, any words of love and eternal devotion from him, nothing that stretches beyond this moment. You probably wouldn't believe him if he would give them anyway. So why make him take them back?

This moment is yours though. His lips, his hands, his sweet words whispered in your ears…it's a bittersweet gift and you know that, despite of your best intentions, you'll have second thoughts about it once the dream collapses, as it is bound to do. But you make yourself push them far, far away and let the pleasure take over for now…

Just for now…

***CL&MB***

OK, so it's not like you didn't want to bring up what happened between the two of you (you were afraid to, but felt it was necessary nonetheless), but there simply was never a right moment. And yes, that's the truth, in case anyone was wondering.

The morning after you found her naked body still pressed intimately against your own, your few more minutes of peace were disturbed by a pounding on the door in combination with the buzzing of your phone.

Merri woke up, more from the startled way with which you sat up straight in the bed than the noise itself. Wordlessly handing her the phone to deal with, you yanked on your underwear and stumbled your way to the door to handle whatever crisis thrown at you this time.

It was the local police department, informing you that they had plucked young Mark Philips from the Greyhound bus at the station, after which they had taken him to the nearest precinct and that he was waiting for the two of you to get him out of there. It's a blessing in disguise the two officers leave right after their announcement, without asking to come in. They do not need to see your naked partner in the only bed that is used and draw their conclusions. Word spreads fast and nowhere faster than at small city precincts. There's no reason to assume things like this have no way to make it all the way South to people who do most definitely not need to know.

You thank them and promise to come pick up the boy soon, then close the door.

Merri finishes the call at the same time.

"That was Patton. He's checked Adrian's phone records. He never even tried to get in touch with his son's camp leader. Quite a dad he turns out to be. Who was at the door?"

"The Jackson police. Mark is at their precinct. They got him off the Greyhound a couple of miles outside of town and they're willing to release him into our custody. So I guess we should get dressed and go pick him up."

She nods, gripping the sheets tighter as they threaten to fall down and reveal her naked body. The one you worshipped only hours ago.

Though not surprising considering the situation, the fact she's retreating from you already, does hurt.

What exactly did this mean to her?

What did it mean to you?

Well, now is not the right time to discuss it. A twelve year old boy is waiting for you and you know Merri won't be put at ease until you get him.

Wordlessly, you dress and wordlessly, you help her dress too, ignoring the 5000 pound elephant in the room in favor of a sense of normalcy. Whatever that may be.

The drive over to the precinct is equally loaded with things left unsaid and you're secretly glad when you reach the three-story building and identify yourselves to the desk-officer, who alerts the officer in charge of Mark.

The officer leads you to a room on the first floor, where a tired, crumpled, scared yet remarkably defiant boy stands op from the couch he's been resting on. It seems like he knows these officers don't mean him any harm and that he's not in trouble with any of them, but he also seems to understand he had a lot of people worried about him and he does have some explaining to do, even if he doesn't like it.

Merri scoots past you and embraces her second cousin. He squirms a little in a typical adolescent way, but doesn't pull away.

Merri is gentle with the boy and you admire her calm assessment. He's healthy, unharmed and wants to see his mom, thinking it unfair that he wasn't informed about her accident any sooner. Since you agree (as does Merri, you presume) with that last part, you have a quick conversation with the officer in charge and are able to get the three of you out without a hitch ten minutes later, after Mark made you a promise not to ever run away on his own like that. Reasons set aside, it was a pretty dangerous thing to do.

Oh well, at least he got himself on a bus instead of hitching a ride with some unknown person who may have had less than altruistic motives.

First things first, you find a diner and get all of you a decent breakfast. Silently, the three of you wolf down a generous amount of eggs, bacon, toast, surprisingly good, strong coffee (for you and Merri) and juice. In between his vigorous chewing, Mark shows some good manners by thanking you, Merri joking that you're bested by a twelve-year old when it comes to table manners.

True, you never quite got the concept of not talking with your mouth full.

Next, you go back to the hotel and (again) book a second room. You'll figure out who'll sleep where later in the evening, but for now, the boy can take a shower so he doesn't have to look like a little hobo when he goes to visit his mother.

At the hospital, there's some more good news waiting for you: Courtney's test results revealed no lasting damage and since she has no complaints other than a lingering headache, she'll be released from the hospital the next day.

Which means that you and Merri spend the rest of the day planning the return of Merri's cousin and her son. Since Courtney is still in no condition to drive (and neither is Merri with her reset wrist in a sling), it's decided that you'll just have to pack them all up in your truck and drive them back. You'll stay the night with them and drive back to New Orleans with Merri the next day. It's still eight hours, but you've had worse car rides.

Once everyone agrees to the plans, you take Mark back to the hotel, have some dinner and go to sleep early, you sharing the room with the teenager since it's the least awkward division at the moment.

Sleep eludes you tonight. You're not at all nervous about the long ride back up North. With Courtney and her son in the car with you, there won't be any chance to catch Merri alone and get the awkward conversation you need to have out of the way. But then there's the long way back. Will it be eight hours of silence, eight hours of talking about anything but what happened or will you be able to discuss it as adults?

But what is there to discuss, really? You're two consenting adults taking comfort from each other and there is nothing wrong with that. Besides, you're partners and you'll get over it, really, you will.

Yeah…but…do you really want to get over it? If you dare to be perfectly honest with yourself, do you want this…whatever it is, to end just like that? Because it felt good last night. Not just the sex by itself (though that was spectacular), but just holding her. Being near a warm, kind-hearted human being again. Someone you admire and trust.

Someone you love.

And there you have it.

No, damn it, you do most definitely not want it to end here, would do everything to try and convince Merri that the two of you could make it work, a true relationship, if only she's willing to give it, give you a chance. It's a complete 180 degree change of mind from where you were a few nights ago, but you figure Merri was right: it's time to move on from the guilt and start loving again, instead of pushing those who care for you away.

It never worked to begin with, did it?

So now it all depends on Merri admitting she feels something for you too.

Yet, deep down, while you're being honest, you know she won't. Much as she may appreciate you, much as she genuinely likes hanging around with you after work, as friends, you're not delusional enough to believe she'll want to take a chance on you as being anything more. Her heart is so guarded, so fragile; she won't dare to take the risk.

So maybe it's for the best to let whatever happened in Jackson, Mississippi, stay in Jackson, Mississippi. You'll get over the hurt. Eventually.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

Finally, after a few hours of fitful sleep, you all get up, dressed (Merri seems to have managed without your help) and packed and ready to pick up first Courtney and then, much to your surprise, the ladies' lost luggage, which has been taken from the wreckage and has finally all been sorted out and can be claimed at the train station's depot.

Two hours later, everyone and everything is stuffed in your truck and you're on your way. The mood is quite relaxed, with Courtney and her son sitting in the backseat, the first one snoozing and the last one playing some game on his phone. You and Merri chat about, well, whatever, ignoring the current of something that has to be kept hidden. For now, that's the way it has to be if you don't want to disturb the relative peace.

After a lunchbreak near Memphis, you arrive at your destination early evening, where you help an exhausted Courtney unpack her belongings and order in a pizza, which is devoured by the four of you. Courtney then makes a few phone calls to friends and neighbors to let them know what happened and that she's back and all offer their help and support. You're glad Courtney is well-liked in the community she lives in and that she'll be well taken care of when you have to leave.

Mark shows Merri to the guest room she has used during her visit and hands you a blanket and pillow to make your bed on the couch, apologizing for the inconvenience.

"That's okay, I've slept in worse places. I'll survive."

And you will, if only because you don't think you could have slept any better in a queen sized waterbed. Well, maybe if Merri was in there with you…

Great, now you're all worked up with no place to go. Just great, LaSalle.

Idiot.

***CL&MB***

As soon as she's sure Mark is sleeping, Courtney slips into your room. Worried, you sit up straight, but she calms you down with a smile.

"It's okay, I'm fine. I just can't sleep. Haven't been doing much else in the hospital. So perhaps we can talk? Unless you're too tired, then I could just…"

"No, no, that's okay."

You pat the bed and you cousin plops down, just like the old days (or last week, to be more precise).

"So…" she starts.

"So…"

"Christopher LaSalle…"

"Oh please don't start!"

"Why not? You hardly shut up about him last week and let me tell you, now I know why. The man is all kinds of adorable. Kind, well-mannered, attentive, easy on the eyes…"

"…and nothing but my partner."

Courtney raises one eyebrow in skepticism and you've never been angrier at her ability to rebuke you with just one facial expression than you are now.

Damn her for knowing you so well.

"Come on Merri, who are you trying to convince here? The tension in the car was so thick you needed night vision goggles to see. What's really going on between the two of you?"

"Would it help me any if I said it was none of your business?"

"Did that ever help you before?"

Sigh.

"Oh, I don't know."

She shakes her head.

"Nope. Not buying it. Try again."

"You're not gonna drop this, are you?"

"Not a chance."

"I'll give you fifty dollars?"

"Seriously, Merri? Bribery? That's your option?"

"But I don't wanna talk about him!"

Taking pity on you for a moment, Courtney puts her hand on yours.

"Merri, something's going on between you and it's eating you alive, I can tell. Now, spill. It'll make you feel better."

You sigh in defeat, knowing she won't stop badgering you until she knows the truth. And maybe she's right. Maybe it'll be cathartic. So here goes.

"I may have kindasleptwithhim."

"Eh, what?"

Alright, alright!

"I said I slept with him!"

"Ha! I knew it! How was it?"

"Courtney!"

"Oh come on, let a poor divorcé enjoy a bit of romance by proxy. How was it?"

Unbidden, the memories assault you, clear as if he was still with you. His scent, his softly spoken endearments, his caresses…how he made you see a whole new constellation, three times over. How he pulled your sweat-soaked body close to his own in the aftermath…it was…

"Amazing."

She claps her hands in excitement, much like she did when you shared these kind of stories in your dorm room when the three of you were in college and hooking up with the cream of the crop of the male student body. Literally.

Oh those good old days…when things were easy and your biggest scare was when you thought the condom might have broken.

"I knew it would be."

"Well, kudos for you. Now could you stop gloating? It's not something to be glad about, okay? It ruined everything!"

You start crying from frustration, finally admitting, if only to yourself and Courtney, how scared you are of the future with Chris, professionally as well as personally.

So you start telling the entire story. The stress of the accident and dealing with the aftermath. The initial fear of losing your cousin. Your own pain and awkwardness surrounding your injury. The whole affair with Adrian and Mark.

And how, all this time, Chris was there. To help, to listen, to joke, to make your whole life a bit (a lot) easier. His confession about Savannah you keep to yourself as Chris trusted you to keep his secret. But you do reveal how the boundaries slowly shifted, before disappearing altogether.

The night was magical. Chris is, without a doubt, the sweetest, most attentive lover you've ever had, but you knew, right before you drifted off in his arms, that this was all you were ever entitled to.

When you relay this sad conclusion to Courtney though, she vehemently shakes her head (wincing since the gesture makes her feel woozy).

"I'll be honest with you, Merri, but I think you're making a huge mistake."

"I did make one."

"No, not then, but now. For your future."

You smile ruefully.

"Is there something you know that I don't?"

"Other than the fact he's madly in love with you?"

"Come off it, Courtney. He's not. He's sweet and kind, but just my partner. And besides, even if he was in love, which he's NOT, we can't have a relationship. It's against regulations."

"I can't believe there's no way to work around those if you really want to."

You sigh, your head spinning with hope, possibilities, rejection and missed chances. The part of you that desperately wants to agree with your cousin, claws at you heart, but you can't afford to feed it. It'll starve soon enough. No need to give it any hope when there really is none.

"Courtney, I think we should both get some sleep, okay? I just…please…I can't talk about it."

Taking pity on your morose face, she nods and leaves you alone. Sleep however, is not to be had tonight. And you're afraid it'll only be the first of many sleepless nights to come…