Too Many Men!
Chapter 4 – Happy Ending...
At the beauty salon... the girls are being pampered... until...
(Tara's cellphone rings)
Tara's Phone: I love you baby, baby Ted, always in the dark, just us...
Pearl: Tara!
Tara: Whaaaat?!
Sandy: Your phone's ringing!
Tara's Phone: Ooh... aah... Ooh baby...
Marleen, Sandy, Pearl and Mrs. Puff: -gags- WHAT KIND OF PERVY RINGTONE IS THAT?!
Tara: blush Umm... (changes topic) I'd better pick it up now.
Tara's Phone: pervy noises
(Tara ignores her friends' astonished gasps and picks up her phone)
Tara: Hello?
Ted: Tara?
Tara: Teddykins?
Ted: Yeah, it's me. I missed you.
Tara: Me too! Listen, I'm out with the ladies right now, but we can go –
Ted: That's the reason I called you, gemstone. Listen...
Tara: Yes?
Ted: I'm here with SpongeBob, Squidward and Mr.Puff.
Tara: Really? Where's Patrick?
Ted: On holiday with Mindy. They've gone to admire King Neptune's "thinning", or should I say "bald and shiny" head.
Tara: LOL! Oh, Ted, you're so funny!
Ted: LOL! Of course I am! So, anyway, we're all here at Sponge's house and we just wanna say sorry to you ladies for our actions...
Tara: Aw, that's so sweet! Of course I forgive you!!
Ted: Aw, that's great, beautiful!! Well, if you girls want to, you can all come to Sponge's house and hang with us guys. How's that sound?
Tara (whisper): Great!! But there's one problem... Sandy hates you. So, maybe we could leave them there and sneak up to someplace...
Ted: I get your drift, babe. Can't wait... See ya!
Tara: Bye!!
(Tara hangs up)
Tara (to girls): Ted just called me.
Pearl: No wonder there were pervy sounds...
Sandy, Marleen and Mrs.Puff: Pearl! You're such a perv.
Pearl: WHAAAATTTT?! I didn't make those sounds! (points to Tara) She did!!
Pearl, Sandy, Marleen and Mrs.Puff: -gags-
Marleen: Tara... (slyly) what exactly were those sounds?
Pearl, Sandy and Mrs.Puff: (trying not to gag) Tell us!!
Tara: blush Umm... well... me and Ted...
Me: Oi! This isn't an M-rated story!!
Sandy: Then WHY did you create that pervy tone for Tara?
Tara: Yeah, I never wanted it!!
All except me: (points at Author) PERVERT!!
Me: Yes, actually, I am a perv. My classmates call me "O Pervy One" just check the app "Nicknames" on my Facebook profile. And, I am the Goddess of Perverted-ness, and always part of "The Laughing Gang" if people cracks sick jokes. So, yeah, I'm a –
Sandy: WE GET YOUR POINT, QUEEN PERVY.
All except me: GET LOST!
Me (frustrated): OK. Fine. But I'll turn up out of nowhere again if the story goes out of the rating. NOW GET OUT OF MY WAY SO I CAN GET OUT OF HERE AND NOT SEE YOUR FRICKIN' FACES FOR A WHILE.
(Author leaves)
All: I hate that woman.
Pearl (to Tara): So why did Ted call?
Tara: I FRICKIN HATE AzuDCreamPuff!! WHY DO I HAVE TO FRICKIN EXPLAIN!!
Me: Tut-tut-tut... (Disappear)
Tara: FINE FINE I'LL FRICKIN' EXPLAIN JUST DON'T EVER TUT-TUT ME AGAIN OR I WILL FART ON YOUR FACE AND TICKLE YOU TO HELL AND INFILTRATE YOU WITH A RAY MACHINE GUN!! YOU ARE THE WORST AUTHOR WHO HAS EVER LIVED AND I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART –
Me: (looks at Tara's line above from computer screen) Ouch.
Marleen: Calm down, Tara!
Tara: huff huff GRRR!!
Awkward silence...
Crickets: Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.
Tara: (breathe)
Crickets: Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.
Tara: OK. I'm calm. (To crickets) SHUT THE HELL UP YOU CRICKETS!!
(Crickets escape with fear)
Tara: Phew. Phewww... OK. So, Ted called me a while ago...
Sandy: THAT SLICK PERV?
Tara: HE'S MY FRICKIN BOYFRIEND YOU #!
Pearl & Marleen: Oh dear...
Sandy: WANNA SHOWDOWN?! (Karate-chops Tara's head) HI-YAH!!
(Tara dodges the attack)
Sandy (calm): Whatever.
Tara: Well, he said that he's with the guys... Our guys...
Sandy: I MISS SPONGE!!
Marleen: SQUIDDY!!
Mrs.Puff: SIMON!!
Tara, Sandy, Pearl and Marleen: Your husband's name is SIMON?!
Mrs.Puff: Not the American Idol one!! THE OLDBAG ONE!!
Tara, Sandy, Pearl and Marleen: -gags- Oh.
Mrs.Puff: You youngsters get on my nerves.
Tara (ignoring Mrs.Puff): And they're at SpongeBob's house right now and they miss us and want us to go there.
Sandy: I... AM... NOT... GOING... TO –
Tara: Don't worry, Ted and I are sneaking out to his house and –
Sandy, Marleen, Pearl and Mrs.Puff: SHUT UP!!
Tara: Fine. So, you guys go to Sponge's house. I'll go with you, but Ted will be outside so I'll leave straight away. And Sandy, you won't have to face him. He'll be hiding behind Squidward's tall Tiki house so you won't have to see Ted's (licks lips) hot face.
Sandy, Marleen, Pearl and Mrs.Puff: -gags-
Mrs.Puff: Well, Tara, that's a good plan.
Sandy: Yeah.
Pearl: We'll follow.
Marleen: Totally.
Tara: Great! Let's go!
(Girls get ready to leave)
Me: YOU GIRLS, ALWAYS BREAKING THE RULES!
All except me: WHAT, CRAZY WOMAN?!
Me: Bow down to your O Pervy One!!
All except me (Reluctantly): bow O Pervy One!
Me: Good. You know, you're my first worshippers. I don't get as much attention as the other goddesses, so thanks. Clears throat Ahem. Anyway... you have to pay for the salon...
Sandy: WHAT?!
Me: Aw c'mon. You're starting to sound like Mr. Krabs. Now PAY UP before I kill your boyfriends off and replace them with –
All except me: AUGH! NO!!
Me: So PAY THE LADY OR YOU WILL –
All except me: (plead) WE'LL PAY!!
Me: Oh, so you're begging me now. OK. You ladies pay up, but be warned – (scary face) I will appear if you do not pay and kill your boys.
All except me: OK... (Nervous glances)
Me: Good. (Disappears)
All except me: I hate that woman.
Marleen (the nicest of them all...): I'll pay.
(Marleen approaches the salon lady and pays for everyone)
Salon Lady: Thank you! Come again.
(Marleen, Sandy, Mrs. Puff, Tara and Pearl leave)
Outside the Salon...
Tara, Sandy, Pearl and Mrs. Puff: Thanks, Marleen!
Marleen: You're welcome. Now, to meet the guys!!
(Ladies leave)
Meanwhile, in SpongeBob's house...
SpongeBob: They're taking so long!
Squidward: Sigh... Marleen...
Mr.Puff: Oh, my darling Doreen... (rambles on with speech)
Ted: OK, people... I'm gonna head over to Patrick's place. Tara and I are gonna meet there.
SpongeBob: Um... sure, Ted... but why Pat's place?
Ted (to Sponge): Your girlfriend hates me.
SpongeBob: Oh.
Ted: I'm leaving now! Bye!
(Ted leaves)
SpongeBob: Now it's only the three of us...
Squidward: More like TWO. (Points at Mr. Puff who is continuing speech) THAT guy is in his own little speech bubble.
Mr. Puff: (turns to Squidward): What?
SpongeBob: Aw, c'mon Squid! They'll be here in a minute!
Outside SpongeBob's house...
Tara: Here we are, girls! I'm gonna get behind Patrick's house. Ted's waiting there.
Sandy: -gags-
Pearl, Mrs.Puff and Marleen: OK.
BEHIND THE ROCK...
(Tara goes behind Patrick's house and sees Ted)
Ted: Tara, baby!
Tara: Oh, Ted! I'm so sorry!
Ted: It's OK, cutesy-pie. Now let's head off.
Tara: OK.
Ted: But before that... (Ted pulls Tara to his arms)
And back to the ladies...
(The ladies hear weird pervy sounds from behind Patrick's rock)
Ladies: -gag-
Pearl: Just ignore those saps, girlfriends! Now let's head inside.
In SpongeBob's house...
Squidward: WHERE ARE THE LADIES?!
SpongeBob: Chill, Squid. They'll be here in a –
(Doorbell rings)
Squidward & SpongeBob: THE GIRLS!!
Mr.Puff: Doreen!!
(SpongeBob opens the door)
Sandy: Sponge!!
SpongeBob: Sandy! Listen, I'm so sorry –
Sandy: (Puts finger on SpongeBob's lips) Ssh. It's OK... I forgive y'all.
SpongeBob: Aww, thanks, Sandy!
Squidward: Marleen!
Marleen: Squiddy!
Squidward: Um, Marleen... I...
Marleen: I feel the same way about you.
Squidward: So, um, is it possible if we could, um, you know... hang out later?
Marleen: Sure, Squid, I'd love to!
Squidward: Then let's get outta here!
(Marleen and Squidward leave)
Mr.Puff: Doreen?
Mrs.Puff: Simon?
Mr.Puff: Where have you been?! You worried me sick!
Mrs.Puff: Oh, I just went out with the girls...
Mr.Puff: Let's talk about this on the way home...
(Mr. and Mrs. Puff leave)
SpongeBob: Whew! Thank goodness they're gone!
Sandy: Yeah...
SpongeBob: Now we can have some alone time.
Sandy: How about... the Karate Dojo?
SpongeBob: Great idea, Sandy!
(SpongeBob and Sandy leave, play-fighting)
Me: And that's the end!!
-THE END-
P.S. Watch out for my next SpongeBob fic, which is about Sponge and Sandy's engagement! Stay tuned!