Authors note: I was just thinking today that if Remus or Tonks or both dies/die in Deathly Hallows, I'm gonna be pissed. I'm willing to bet money that their not going to but just the same…y'know? I'm gonna go on a warpath…arghhhhh…
I'll shut up now. :)
Chapter Seven- Self Defense
Tonks had all her papers spread out on the table in the dark kitchen of the Headquarters. It was a glorious day out but she had to finish her report for work by Monday. She had decided to her work at Grimmauld Place because she knew it would offer her the least amount of distractions- it was quiet and dark and no one was supposed to be around that weekend. She was up to the fourth page already, getting loads done….
And just then, the biggest distraction of her life walked into the kitchen.
Tonks raised an eyebrow when she saw all the several empty bottles of firewhiskey that Remus was carrying. "Having a party are we?" she asked him as a morning greeting.
"Their not mine." Remus replied in his usual hoarse voice. "I've been finding these hidden all around the house. Sirius is obviously the one drinking them all, but I have no idea how he's getting a hold them."
"Mundungus?" Tonks suggested.
Remus looked up at her in surprise.
Tonks shrugged. "I'm an auror. I have to think of stuff like this, and he mentioned that crate Dung had left once before, remember?"
Remus frowned. "You're probably right- I'm going to have to talk to him about it."
"What are you doing here?"
"Cleaning as of now." Remus said. "Molly hasn't been by in a while and I feel she shouldn't be the one responsible for cleaning everything up when things start to look desperate."
"Where is Sirius? Get him to help you too."
"Judging from the state he was in this morning, probably not the best idea."
"Who said my name?" Sirius groaned, coming out from around the corner right on cue. He was squinting and his appearance was terribly disheveled at best.
"WOTCHER SIRIUS!" Tonks said in a loud voice.
Sirius swore and grabbed his head, still cussing.
Tonks laughed as she watched him fall into his chair, still clutching his head.
"Tsk. Tsk." she laughed. "Serves you right drinking that much- what if Harry showed up suddenly only to see his godfather with a hangover- you're a horrible role model."
"Go fuck yourself." Sirius snarled.
"Awww, I love you too, cuz."
"Sirius-" Remus said sternly.
"Bite me."
"I'd rather not." said Remus. "It might lead to some complications."
Tonks couldn't help but chuckle.
Remus smiled at her for a moment before turning back to his friend, "Sirius, where have all these empty bottles been coming from? I know where the contents have obviously been going, but where have you been getting them?"
"Remus," Sirius moaned. "Have some compassion- grant me some mercy, make me a cup of coffee and shut the hell up."
"I had enough compassion to drop by last night and hold your head for you as you vomited into the toilet." Remus said coolly.
"Huh?" Sirius frowned. "I don't remember that."
"Because you were completely inebriated at that point. Where did the bowl by the side your bed come from then? And the nice, cool washcloth?"
"Ohhh…right. Thanks Moony- now extend your compassion a little longer and make me a cup of coffee for godsakes."
"Answer my question first. Where are all these coming from?" Remus asked with a gesture to the bottles he has set down beside the sink.
"Kreacher." Sirius said without batting an eye.
"Kreacher?" Remus sighed, as if he had heard dumb excuses like this from Sirius all too often.
"Yup. I've seen the little bastard running around a few times with a bottle under his arm to go give a toast to my father's trousers or to go drown himself in sorrow that the 'ungrateful little swine' has returned home."
Tonks let out a small snicker as an image of the old house-elf drinking a bottle of fire whiskey while embracing various lingerie of the Black family came to mind.
"Sirius- you really shouldn't be drinking this much, it's not-"
"Leave the fussing to Molly Weasley, Remus- and don't make me out to be your pity cause- I'm sure there are other things you could be doing rather than playing house with an escaped criminal."
Remus shrugged. "Not really, unfortunately."
Sirius groaned. "Go get me a coffee."
"Get it yourself."
"I feel sick."
"Your problem not mine."
"Come'on Remus!"
"Ask me politely." Remus said with a small smile.
"NO!"
"Then get it yourself."
"No…"
"Well its one or the other Sirius," Remus said as if he were talking to a small child. "Either apologize and ask me nicely or no coffee for you."
Sirius looked as if he were having an inward struggle with himself before he finally growled, "Sorry. Can you please get me a cup of coffee?"
"I'm impressed. For you that was very good. I expected a lot more ranting and raving."
"I…need…coffee…"
"You need to work on not getting drunk so much." Remus said as he went over to the pantry and went inside looking for some coffee beans.
Sirius yawned and looked over at Tonks. "So what're you doing here?"
"I wanted to get some work done." She said, holding up a paper.
He let out a laugh at that. "So you came here?"
"I get easily distracted at my apartment. Usually I end up listening to music or something so I came here."
"Well good luck with that then…oh, by the way, what do you want for Christmas this year?"
"Can I get a Firebolt like Harry?"
"No. You're not that special."
Tonks reached out and slapped him as best she could from across the table. "Why not? I'm your cousin!"
"As I said earlier, you're not special enough. Seriously, besides expensive broomsticks, what do you want?"
Tonks smirked and gave him a knowing look, but said nothing.
"Oh you dirty, little witch." Sirius said, rolling his eyes- "How on earth do you expect me to get you THAT? We're talking about Moony here- there's no way he would stand for it unless I bound and gagged him when he wasn't expecting it and locked you two in an empty room together so that you could have your evil way with him-"
"Do I want to know what you two are talking about?" Remus asked, coming back into the room with a small, dusty can of coffee beans.
"We're discussing Tonks's Christmas present…and possibly yours. This might be good actually. I could kill two birds with one stone…"
"Right," Tonks said, as she stood up and gathered her papers. "You think about that for awhile, Sirius…I've got to go. I'd love to talk to you both but I really do have to get this done as soon as possible so I'm going upstairs now."
"Do you need help carrying those?" Remus asked as Tonks picked up her papers and nearly dropped half of them.
"No, no I've got it. Thanks anyways."
And with a cheerful smile and her arms filled with papers, she left the kitchen.
There was a small silence in the room as Remus stared after her for a moment before turning around to start making Sirius's coffee
" 'Do you need help carrying those'?" Sirius repeated in a credible imitation of Remus's hoarse voice.
Remus raised an eyebrow. "Am I now not allowed to ask her if she needs help without it being over analyzed by you?"
Sirius kicked his feet up on the table. "I'm telling you Moony, she fancies you."
"Don't be ridiculous. We've gone over this before."
"She's mad about you, and I'm convinced that you're mad about her-"
"She's just a friend-"
"Friend my arse. You're such a prat. I walked in on you two in the kitchen that day and she was totally trying to seduce you."
"Was she?" Remus asked as he set down Sirius's freshly made coffee, trying to appear as though this was news.
Sirius snorted. "You're an arse Moony- and either you became a eunuch while I was in Azkaban, you're not straight, or you're being stupid and I'm leaning towards the last reason because from what I saw- she was obviously turning you on."
"I was NOT turned on." he said indignantly.
"Oh yeah?" Sirius asked. "Why not?"
"What are you on about?" Remus spluttered.
"Either you have issues and you're not turned on by women or you're lying. I'm leaning again towards the latter."
"This really is none of your business."
"Believe me, I wish it wasn't but since I'm on house arrest with a giant horsey bird as my only companion, I have nothing better to do than interfere with your ridiculously dull social life."
"Thank you."
"I still don't understand why you haven't gone and banged her on the kitchen table already. Every time I walk in on you two in the kitchen or wherever, you're always on the path to it but you're not actually at it. "
"Maybe it's because you keep barging in on us while we're still on the path." Remus snapped, finally fed up with him. A second later his eyes widened in horror as he realized just what exactly he had said.
Sirius looked astonished but recovered quite quickly, "Oh-ho-ho!" he exclaimed triumphantly.
"Sirius, please-" Remus begged.
"Did I REALLY just hear that?" Sirius said loudly. "Did I just hear you say-"
"Shut up you ass, I made you coffee this morning- remember?"
"You ARE turned on by her!" his dark haired friend exclaimed gleefully.
"I- I-"
"Or you have at least thought about her in a less than platonic manner. You've now thought of shagging her on the kitchen table and in my opinion that at least counts as-"
"Will you SHUT UP?" Remus hissed.
"-and if you've fantasized about having her on the kitchen table then most likely you've come up with dozens of other ideas as to-"
"Sirius, I'm warning you-"
"-but thinking about them isn't going to get you very far Remus. You're going to have to really get a strategy underway so that you won't have to-"
"You utter another syllable and I will you kill you myself, right here-."
"I KNEW IT!" Sirius crowed. "I knew you fancied her!"
"I don't!" Remus said desperately.
But Sirius's grin never left his face as he picked up his coffee. "And what a perfect day to confess it."
Remus looked at him. "Why?" he asked sharply.
Sirius took a sip of coffee and set it down, looking suspiciously innocent. "No reason…just a lovely day outside today, isn't it?"
But Remus wasn't fooled. "What's going on?"
"Nothing. Why would you think something is-"
"Sirius," he said sternly. "What have you done?"
"Moony, I have no idea what you are talking about." Sirius said calmly. But the corners of his lips were twisted into the faintest of smiles.
Remus looked about the room. "Something is going on."
"I think your being paranoid, mate." Sirius said. "But now since I still have a terrific headache, so I'm going to go upstairs…"
"Oh no you don't!" Remus said. "Don't think I don't know what you're going to do. You're going to run to Tonks the first chance you get and tell her what I said."
"Well I wasn't, but what would be so bad if I did? If you claim that she doesn't fancy you, she wouldn't think anything of it, would she?"
"She…she might laugh or think…I'm strange." Remus said. "Since we're just friends and all."
Sirius cocked his head as he stared thoughtfully at Remus. After a moment of watching him closely he spoke, "You're afraid…aren't you?"
Remus felt himself tense automatically. "No." he said stiffly.
"You are…" Sirius said slowly. "I can tell when your afraid…so that's what this is all about, isn't it? You're afraid that she's going to think you're a pervert or something."
"No."
"I think it's a combination of that and you're also afraid because you're a werewolf and you think its going to mess up her life if you get together with her. That's it, isn't it? You clearly fancy her now, so there's no excuse for you. If you say you don't, I'll know you're lying."
Remus stared at his friend. Sirius really did show some amazing insights of wisdom occasionally. "I'm not letting you go back upstairs." He said finally. "At least not by yourself. You're staying within my eyesight for the rest of the day."
"Fine." Sirius said, taking another sip of coffee.
Remus frowned. The lack of reaction was highly suspicious.
Sirius stretched in his chair and sighed, "So…are we going to do some cleaning today or what? We'd better get started."
Oh yes. Something was defiantly going on and his friend was most defiantly behind it.
"There you are."
Tonks turned around and when she saw who it was, let out a loud groan. "Mad-Eye, no- not today."
"You've put it off long enough young missy! I told you practice was today. Do you want to fall behind?"
"I have a report due on Monday!"
"You'll have plenty of time to do it later. Besides, where is your report now?"
"It's upstairs…" Tonks admitted. Alright, so she had taken a break. She was hungry and she had been working for the better part of the morning. She deserved a snack.
"Good." growled Moody as he clunked into the kitchen. "You've been doing well lately and I'd hate to see it all go to waste."
Indeed they had been meeting as often as they could for the past few weeks in between Order work and Tonks's job. Mad-Eye, as crazy as he was, knew a lot of good moves and Tonks really had learned a lot of things that she had never been taught in auror training.
"Choke-hold today!" Moody said with a heavily scarred smile as if it was everyone's greatest dream to be learning how to escape a chokehold.
"Can't I have a snack first?" Tonks whined.
"No."
"Whyyyy?"
"Now-" Moody said. "First things first, get rid of that stupid sandwich."
"I just made it!"
Moody poked it with his wand and Tonks gasped in horror as it ignited and quickly burned to ashes.
"I HATE YOU!!!!!"
"It's a bloody sandwich, not your first-born child."
Tonks stared mournfully down at the charred remains of her peanut butter sandwich.
"Now…" Moody said briskly. "To business, the main things you have to remember when attacked in a chokehold are…"
Tonks found herself listening half-heartedly to him, her mind a million miles away. Moody was explaining the different types of chokeholds and how threatening and dangerous each of them were. It wasn't until after several lousy attempts of practicing to break free of some of them, that Moody finally suspected her of not paying attention.
"TONKS! What if this wasn't practice, eh? What's going to happen when someone attacks you and you have no idea what to do? FOCUS THIS TIME! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"
Tonks snapped out of her day spell and prepared herself to fight back with the moves Moody had instructed her on. Moody went grumbling under his breath to stand behind her before throwing his arm around her neck again and pulled her into a tight, but not entirely suffocating chock-hold.
Suddenly the kitchen door opened and Sirius and Remus were standing there in the doorway. Sirius's mouth dropped along with the box of rubbish he had been carrying, but Remus had his wand out in a flash and Tonks only saw the blur as the spell went shooting by her face and hit Mad-Eye throwing him backwards away from Tonks.
"Steady on!" Tonks said in surprise.
Remus stared from her to Moody in confusion, his wand still out and pointing at Moody.
"Nice wandwork there Lupin- I haven't seen you move that quickly in ages." Moody growled.
"What's going on in here?" Remus demanded.
"Mad-Eye was teaching me self defense." Tonks said.
"Self defense?" Sirius said raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, you know- like if someone was attacking me- what to do, how to fight back-."
The light went on in Remus's face and turned quickly to horror. "Oh god. I'm so sorry Alastor, I just walked in and thought-" he picked up Moody's wand from the floor and handed it back to him. "I mean- I don't know what I was thinking- I just thought you, well- someone, perhaps a Death Eater in disguise or someone was attacking Tonks or… and well…I just overreacted. "
Tonks was stunned that Remus's mind had moved that quickly to its conclusion and that he had immediately disarmed Moody no less in an attempt to save her. She looked at him encouragingly.
Remus looked terribly embarrassed but Moody now looked delighted. "That's what I'm talking about Lupin! Constant vigilance!"
"Yeah." Sirius grinned. "Good display of constant vigilance there, Moony."
"Well…" Remus said looking about uncomfortably. "Glad I could help- but now I'm heading back upstairs again, so-."
"Just a moment." Moody said quickly. "How about you do me a favor?"
Remus nodded but looked as if more than anything he wanted to leave.
"You be the attacker for a bit"
Tonks's eyes widened. Oh bloody hell, NO! Not Remus! What the hell was Mad-Eye thinking? She would never be able to focus or concentrate! "Er- Mad-Eye, I'm sure Remus is very busy and-"
"Yes, yes." Remus said, a red flush coming over his face. "Yes, I am."
"Cleaning the bathroom can wait Moony-Tonks obviously needs help for her lesson." Sirius said with a truly wicked grin.
Tonks could have sworn that the scarred and mutilated face of Moody was hiding a small smile. "It's just that my leg here has been bothering me today and I think it would be beneficial for Tonks here to be paired up against someone who's physique is much more likely to be an honest, realistic threat."
Remus swallowed. "Well…I…" he began hoarsely.
"I'm feeling rather tired too actually! Can I take a break?" Tonks said.
"No you may not." Moody growled.
"I-really-want-a-break." she said pointedly.
"In a real situation, attackers don't give you breaks. Besides, we only just started today's lesson."
"Then why is your leg bothering you?" Tonks retorted.
"Because I'm old and I don't have the advantage of using two like I used to." Moody said shortly. "Now get back to your lesson."
"If Tonks is too tired- perhaps it's best if she did take a break." Remus suggested.
"She's not." Sirius said suddenly.
"And how would YOU know?" Tonks demanded.
"You're a Black- we never give up."
"I'm a Tonks."
"You still have the 'Toujours pur' blood." Sirius said.
"My Tonks blood is slowing me down today."
"Bullshit." Sirius snorted.
"I really do think that-" Remus began.
"NYMPHADORA TONKS! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!?! DO YOU TWO WANT TO SEE HER DIE?!?!?!" Moody bellowed to Remus. "BECAUSE IF YOU DO NOT PRACTICE LASS, YOU WILL BE ATTACKED, HARMED AND POSSIBLY KILLED!"
Remus looked downright horrified at this, indeed he was several shades paler than usual. Sirius yawned, looking as though he couldn't care less. Moody was scowling at her but she knew him well enough to know that he wasn't really angry. What a bastard. He knew exactly what he was doing. Tonks stood there; her face screwed up in rage but before her or Remus could think of another way out-
"Right, Lupin- you come up and stand behind Tonks." Moody said as he leaned against the table.
Remus tried to look as dignified as possible as he moved over and stood a good three feet behind Tonks.
"NOT THAT FAR BEHIND HER!" Moody snapped. "Stand so that you're up against her."
Sirius let out a bark like laugh which he quickly managed to turn into a cough.
Remus moved forward to stand behind her.
"Good." Moody said with a lopsided grin.
Tonks wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
"Now…" Moody continued. "Put your wrap your arms around her waist, and under her arms."
Remus slowly did as he was instructed and Tonks tried to focus on the lesson and not the fact that Remus's warm breath was on her back of her neck and his stupid tweed jumper that she was now so fond of was right up against her back.
"Hold her tight-" Moody said. "You're bloody well attacking her- you're trying to get a good hold on her, you want to- there you go!" he said enthusiastically as Remus squeezed Tonks more tightly. "Right, now Tonks, what do you do?"
Tonks forced herself out of her dreamy euphoria and tried to think of a response that wasn't 'turn around and start snogging the sexy werewolf'. "Uhhhhhh…" she said weakly.
Moody banged his gnarled hand on the table with surprising force. "DAMNIT LASS! WHAT HAVE WE BEEN LEARNING THIS WHOLE TIME?!?! CONSTANT VIGILANCE! CONSTANT VIGILANCE! THINKING-QUICKLY-ON-YOUR-FEET!"
Sirius got up and went into the back pantry only to return seconds later with several bottles of butterbeer. He opened one up for himself, and rubbed his hands together excitedly before sitting up on the table looking as if he were getting ready to watch an entertaining television show.
Tonks gently and very cautiously kicked back with one of her legs into Remus's shin and began to sink down as Moody had taught her before.
Moody rolled his one real eye.
Tonks went through the motion of using a back elbow strike and instead of hitting Remus in the jaw hit him on the side of the head by his temple.
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry Remus!"
"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU APOLOGIZING TO YOUR ATTACKER?!?!" Moody bellowed. "DO IT OVER AGAIN, AND THIS TIME PROPERLY!"
"Put some effort into this Remus! Pretend that you really want Tonks!" Sirius suggested.
Remus's ears were crimson as he avoided looking at Sirius.
Tonks nearly lost total self-control when she saw Moody and Sirius give each other a knowing, conspiratorial look from across the table. She was about to call them on their own game when suddenly she froze-
Remus had put his arms around her waist again…
Without being told to.
Tonks grinned as her heart went into a furious flutter. Well, she could play along for a little bit if it gave her the opportunity that she secretly wanted. With Remus standing so close to her, it was hard to pretend that she didn't really want him there, and who knew when another opportunity like this might arise?
"Alright, this is hardly professional." Tonks grumbled some time later.
"Shut up lass, it's either me on top of you or him…think of it that way." Moody said as he took a swig from his hip flask.
"I'd rather not." Tonks grimaced as she mentally pushed away that very disturbing image. She was on the floor, laying down with Remus half on top of her. She had to admit- as far as self defense went, this was the best practice ever. She didn't mind Remus on top of her at all, though she thought he probably was feeling very self conscious with the audience. "I find it very convenient though that you feel the need to teach me THIS particular move today."
"I think you're doing well today, that's why."
"Humpf." Tonks said. "If I'm doing that well, my "attacker" never would have gotten this far, would he?"
"Perhaps." Sirius said carelessly, who had been watching the entire lesson play itself out. "You never know."
Remus sighed. His brown hair streaked with grey was falling into his face as he leaned over Tonks- she thought he was being a very good sport about the whole thing. Throughout the lesson, he had had no choice but to loosen up with Mad-Eye screaming what they were doing wrong every so often and to actually help Tonks learn defense he had to play a half-way convincing role of the 'attacker'. But he was still making a conscious effort of behaving the perfect gentleman.
"Can we please just get this over with?" he asked them.
"Ohhhhh, just looking for a quickie today, Remus?" Sirius asked him.
Remus gave him a stern look the best he could from the floor.
"Right-" said Moody as he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and recapped the hip flask. He stood up and hobbled over to where they were. "Try not to look to cozy down there you two. Remus is on top of you Tonks and he's got your arms there-no, grab her wrists Lupin- there you go- you can't use your arms Tonks, what do you do?"
"Bite his ear off?" Tonks suggested. With Remus's face next to hers it was the first idea that popped to mind.
"Well if its possible- sure." Moody agreed. "Bite if you can."
Sirius let out a chuckle at that.
"-But," Moody continued, "There's another option too- can you guess?"
It was hard to do much thinking at all with the man she fancied right on top of her and as she lay there on the floor. She felt quite helpless….she really didn't want to fight back, if truth be told.
"Uhhhh, spit in his face?"
Moody shook his head in disgust. "Use your legs, lass! Their not useless down there! Women don't realize that their legs can be their strongest natural weapons!"
"That's very true." Sirius said suddenly. "They can hurt like hell."
They all turned to stare at him.
"Long story-nothing illegal, but awkward." He said with a roguish grin.
"Maybe Sirius should be the one down here." Remus said.
"No!" Tonks said loudly. Now it was her turn to be stared at, "I mean…it's just that…I- I prefer Remus."
"Yeah, Tonks is my cousin. Me on top of her like that would just be bizarre, although admittedly our whole family did intermarry with each other-"
Moody cleared his throat. "Back to what I was saying about women's legs."
Tonks giggled at that but stopped when he turned to glare at her. "Oh! Like knee him in the groin?"
"That, or move your hip back a bit the best you can and try to free your leg to kick the you-know-what out of him, if that doesn't work you can push your arms up the best you can- that'll do, very good- and knee him as hard as you can-don't actually do it of course- he'll end up falling forward over you so you can slide quickly out from under him. Now Lupin- put your arms around her throat like you're chocking her."
Remus did as he was told, but his warm hands were very gentle.
"Right so this is even worse than before, isn't it?" Moody said cheerfully. "Here's a tip. Put your hands around his. Now- swing your leg up around his neck and hook it there and bring that leg down as hard as you can- other side- do that while grabbing his wrist and pulling in that direction, very good- and you've pinned him to the ground like that. Try that one again. Once you've done that you could probably execute a few good blows or get control of your wand."
"What if I had a wand up to her?" Remus asked who was laying on the floor now with Tonks's leg over him and his arm being pulled away, rendering him helpless.
"Eh?"
"Wouldn't I have something in my hand to threaten her, like my wand? Or a knife?"
Mad-Eye smiled. "Good thinking, Lupin. We'll try that next. Alright let's get a prop-"
"Here." Sirius said going over to the kitchen drawer to retrieve a small butter knife.
Tonks snorted in amusement.
"Do you want this one instead?" Sirius grinned, holding up a huge steak knife sharpened to a deadly point.
"The little knife will do for now." Moody said, taking it from him. "Use this Lupin, put it up to her throat like your pretending to threaten her. Get into this Remus, your attacking her! Now, Tonks- we've done this move before remember? What do you do when he's got a knife to you? Think, girl!"
"This is just cruel." Remus said quietly looking torn between laughing and mortified.
Tonks grinned. "Tell me about it."
"THE ATTACKER AND THE VICTIM DO NOT HAVE A CONVERSATION IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT!" Moody bellowed.
Remus rolled his eyes.
"I saw that Lupin." Moody said. "Now, back to the situation-WHAT DO YOU DO LASS?!?!?!"
He certainly wasn't making her life a hell of a lot easier. Tonks had a strong feeling that Mad-Eye was thoroughly enjoying this whole thing.
"I put my arm here- and pull his away…" Tonks said as she pulled Remus's arm away from her. He fell forward slightly and she paused as she looked up at him and their eyes met. Tonks suddenly forgot everything and was only aware of how their faces were inches from each other- their breaths intermingling and quickly falling into the same rhythmic pattern. She stared into his pale, tired-looking face, and his warm brown eyes that were making her heart beat faster and her entire body tingle as if it were on fire.
The seconds lengthened- Tonks had lost track of time- Remus was all that mattered…
"CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!!!!!!" Moody bellowed right next to them. Both her and Remus jumped in surprise.
"Oh! Right…sorry…" Tonks said, feeling unusually flustered. "Er, what was I doing? Something about…pulling his arm away right?"
A loud gasp came suddenly from the doorway. They all turned their heads to see Molly Weasley who was standing there in the doorway, her arms full of what looked like bags of food and looking as if she had stumbled upon a murder.
"Merlin's beard- what's going on here?!?!"
"Self defense, Molly." Mad-Eye said in his gravely voice.
"Self defense?" she repeated staring at Remus and Tonks on the floor.
"Remus was kind enough to help Moody and me out today. I've been practicing moves in case I fall into trouble." Tonks said.
Molly nodded but looked very suspicious as she continued to stare at Remus and Tonks, "Well that's a very wise idea but I don't know why you all choose to do this in the middle of the kitchen."
Moody clapped his gnarled hands together. "I think that's enough for today. Good work Tonks. And thank you for helping Remus."
"Not at all." He said quietly as he stood up and extended an arm out to Tonks to help her up.
Tonks took it and pulled herself up.
"Well that was entertaining." Sirius said, draining another bottle of butterbeer he had been drinking. "Almost as good as that time you two were in bed together-"
Mrs. Weasley dropped the home baked dish of cooked vegetables she had been holding. It fell to the kitchen floor with a loud smash. "What?" she gasped.
"SIRIUS!" Tonks exclaimed. "Shut up and-"
"It wasn't anything like that Molly." Remus said quickly to Mrs. Weasley. "Tonks jumped on my bed in the middle of the night one time- she didn't know that I was sleeping in it."
"Are we entirely SURE about that?" Sirius said with a wink.
"Yes!" Tonks said furiously, rounding on her cousin. "I had no idea! We weren't DOING anything." she said to Mrs. Weasley.
"No…of course not." Mrs. Weasely said as she used her wand to fix the broken dish. "Tonks dear, could you come over here and help me for a minute?"
Tonks would sooner buy a pet bird before believing that Mrs. Weasley really needed her help. "Sure Mrs. Weasley. No problem."
"I'll get in touch with you for our next lesson, Tonks." Moody was saying as he clunked away.
"Yeah, okay…sure."
Sirius was barely suppressing laughter as he watched his werewolf friend whose blush was deepening by the second.
"Over here dear-" Mrs. Weasely said as she all but dragged Tonks into the corner. "Are you alright?" she said in a quiet undertone.
"What? Oh yeah, fine."
"Really?" she implored. "I understand that Alastor can be rather intense and very pushy sometimes-"
"He's alright." Tonks said. "Just trying to help me learn."
Mrs. Weasley glanced over Tonks's shoulder at Remus.
"And Remus was really a good sport about the whole thing." Tonks said quickly, already knowing what Mrs. Weasley's next question would be. "He just stumbled into the room with Sirius by accident and Mad-Eye recruited him. "
Make that two birds. They came in by accident, Ha. As if. Moody and Sirius had probably organized this operation days in advance.
"I see." Mrs. Weasely frowned. "Well, will you take this dear for a minute? I need to go upstairs and talk to Alastor before he leaves-"
She dropped a large casserole in Tonks's arms before hurrying up the stairs after Moody.
"Why's she going to talk to Mad-Eye?" Sirius asked Tonks as soon as Mrs. Weasely left the room.
She shrugged. "She's under the idea that he was responsible for everything."
"Imagine that." Sirius said airily. "Well, good job with the 'self-defense' there Tonks. Though, Remus, I think you looked a little awkward down there."
"Well the audience certainly didn't help." Remus said stiffly. "If we had been alone or-"
"Alone?!?!" Sirius exclaimed. "Why? So that Tonks could pop out multi-coloured werecubs nine months later!?!?"
"That's NOT what I meant."
"Alright, whatever-" Sirius said with a yawn. "Go upstairs and take your cold shower Moony."
Remus opened his mouth and looked so appalled; he couldn't seem to form coherent words.
"I- am…going to kill…you. In a…very, very- painful- you, are-"
"Yes, I am quite aware that you have every intention of murdering me later." Sirius said lazily. "Go clean the house or something before Molly come back and interrogates you as well."
Remus quickly left the room before Tonks or Sirius could say another word. Tonks turned to her cousin, her hand on her hip and with the sternest look she could muster.
"What?" he asked her.
"That was very cruel of you."
"But entirely worth it." He said. "Unless you want to be waiting forever for him young Tonks, you need to learn that sometimes Remus just needs a little nudge in the right direction."
"You and Mad-Eye had him practically ontop of me!"
"Alright so it was a rather big nudge, one might go as far to say a 'shove'. My point is, you weren't complaining." He grinned.
Tonks tried to stare him down and appear serious but she couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her own.
"Ha. I thought so." Sirius said. "He really does fancy you, you know."
She rolled her eyes."So you've told me."
But Sirius shook his head, "No. He really does…a lot. But he's afraid."
"I had a feeling he was." Tonks said gloomily.
Sirius looked surprised. "You knew?"
"He's afraid because he thinks he's going to mess up my life or something if he gets together with me because he's a werewolf. Am I right?" she asked dully.
"I'm impressed. You basically nailed it."
She scowled. "Damn."
"But aside from that one tiny little detail and the fact that he believes he's too old for you- he really does fancy you."
"Brilliant." Tonks said sarcastically. "But tell me this, if he fancies me-why did he want to leave so badly earlier instead of helping me with self-defense?"
"Because Remus needed defending from himself." Sirius chuckled. "He's trying to fight himself on this and now he's slowly starting to realize that there's no need to fight it."
"So he's avoiding me because he fancies me?" Tonks asked. "That makes no sense."
"Sure it does. Just think of when you were a young student and you fancied someone way out of your league. Did you walk right up to them and declare your undying love for them or did you try to hide it and deal with it quietly until you ever got the chance?"
Tonks thought about this and realized her cousin had a point. "I suppose…" she said slowly.
"Don't worry about Remus, he'll gather his guts soon enough and come out in the open to admit he fancies you. Until then, you'll just have to wait and or help him along. And speaking of Remus, where the hell is he?"
"He's probably just gone upstairs to finish cleaning the bathroom." Tonks said.
Sirius opened his mouth but before he could say anything- the noise through the pipes of the shower being turned on upstairs cut him off. His grin widened. "Well I suppose that's one possibility, if that's what you really want to believe."
"Just cleaning the bathroom…" Tonks said but with an enormous smile on her face.
Sirius handed her a bottle of butterbeer and with matching grins they clinked their bottles together in a celebratory toast.