Author's note: Ironically, a large, pale full moon is hanging outside my window- and having recently come back from my travels but now suffering from some weird skin disease on my hands, I'm here to tell you all I haven't vanished off the face of the earth. I came home and was BLOWN AWAY by all the amount of people that were kind enough to alert/review my story while I was gone. Thank you so much. It meant a lot to me. Oh, and I'm still DEVASATED over Deathly Hallows. I am now involved in a period of strict mourning for the many losses. :)

Anyways, I plough on…Because of all your patience and delightful encouragements I'm pleased to announce that I'm going to keep writing this story, and yes, not only am I just writing from the time of HBP, but I'm writing a part III to this tale because honestly, did you really think I could let DH just slide by and not bring it in at all?!??!

So here's the next chapter, pointless kinda, (a bitch to write for me actually) but gets us back into the story and stuff…After such a long break from writing, I feel that this stupid chapter is necessary to get back into the swing of things.

PART II

STAY

Chapter Thirteen- Bitter Chocolate

'How did this happen?

How did we come to this?

What started as a look-

Ended up with a kiss.'

Tonks snapped the radio knob off. It seemed the whole world was happy and in love…

Everyone that was, except her.

After dramatically leaving Remus Lupin's humble abode she managed to apparate home, and after shutting the door behind her burst into hysterical tears. How long she lay there crying on the floor- she didn't know. After what seemed like hours though, she managed to get enough control over herself in order to change into her pink flannel pajamas and her warm fuzzy slippers. She turned on the radio then, and had gone to the kitchen for some comfort food. Halfway through her snack of an enormous Honeydukes bar of chocolate she remembered how much Remus had loved chocolate…how every so often his warm breath would smell of it whenever they stood close….

She ended up throwing all of the chocolate in her kitchen into the trash with utter vengeance.

Though now as she sat on her couch with a plate of vanilla cookies, snuggled in her giant blanket, she wished she hadn't thrown them away. Vanilla just wasn't the same as chocolate sometimes.

Tonks grabbed another tissue from the box she had next to her as another wave of tears started anew.

Why won't he even try?!?! HE WONT EVEN TRY! She thought angrily. He's pushing me away? Why?

Because he's stupid.

Well fine. Because I give up! This is the longest I've ever waited for a bloke to come round and it all comes down to this.

What a bastard. He can't care about me that much or he wouldn't have broken my heart…on purpose.

He broke it off to break my heart.

I hope he's murdered.

No, I don't. But that's what he wants…not a relationship.

I could kill him…all that waiting- for this. What a coward.

Well no, he's not generally. But when it comes to love he's the biggest coward I've ever met

Bastard. Bastard. Bastard.

She stared blankly at the opposing wall before reaching for another cookie.

I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! I HATE HIM! She thought angrily. But she knew that she didn't. She couldn't. She loved him too much to hate him. Despite his stupid chivalry that she loathed and adored so much, she loved him.

Remus obviously read too many fairy tales when he was younger- Did he really think that he was being noble and chivalrous to break the damsels heart as he left her safely behind whilst going on a perilous quest?

Remus Lupin…dangerous. Ha. The sweetest man in the world thought he was dangerous-

Alright so he was to a degree. She wasn't going to pretend that he wasn't. She wasn't entirely all fine and dandy with the fact that the man she loved turned into a murderous beast once a month. A beast that upon seeing her would tear the flesh right off her limbs in long bloody strips-

But I'm willing to accept him anyways and take the chances.

And what does he do? He runs away from me.

Stupid git.

She frowned and reached for another tissue only to realize that she had run out. After stepping over the large pile of used tissues on the floor, she waddled off to the bathroom wrapped in her huge blanket to go get another box. On her way out of the bathroom however she stopped abruptly as she caught her reflection in the mirror.

Her eyes were red and puffy, her nose runny, she looked like an utter mess. Her hair had somehow morphed back into its normal, mousy brown. She frowned at the sight of it before closing her eyes to change it back to its short, spiky pink.

She opened her eyes and received a terrible shock.

Her hair was rapidly changing from a pale pink to a mousy brown.

What the-?

She tried again, this time it didn't turn pink at all, it just stayed brown.

Oh defiantly, not good.

This only happened when she was sick or a Hogwarts adolescent that for years couldn't control her daily appearance. What was going on?

She tried again and again…then she tried to change her nose shape, her eyebrows, nothing was working.

She burst into tears again. Now on top of the whole 'Remus problem' was a shape-shifting one. Sweet Merlin, would the misery never end? She grabbed the box of tissues and ran back into the living room to sob into the sofa again.

Then slowly, even though she didn't want to, she began thinking about Remus. About his rare smile. That smile that was the first indication to her that he was special. The way his grey-streaked hair fell into his eyes, his pale, slightly scar covered hands…

She threw one of the couch pillows across the room.

Knowing Remus, the damn man was probably listening to that depressing opera crap he loved so much.

Tonks stuffed another cookie into her mouth, a, tornado of profanity about or concerning Remus Lupin, spinning wildly in her head.

He was going to find a pack of London werewolves…he was going to try and infiltrate a pack of werewolves and spy on them while supposedly convincing the few that would listen that joining forces with Voldemort was not a good idea.

Good luck on that you bastard. She thought viciously. Go ahead! Get yourself killed- see if I care…

But the very thought of Remus in danger caused tears to well to her eyes. He was going to get himself killed over this pointless mission, all because he had a likely cause of survivors guilt in her opinion after Sirius's death-

She suddenly thought about Sirius. How he never had gotten to tell her what her special something was as a girl. The one he was explaining about at Christmas, the one that "every girl had".

Knowing the drunk bastard, he probably couldn't have thought of one for her at the time, but if he had- she was still curious to know it was. And now she'd never know.

Because he had to die, and leave her with the stupid enigma of a man that she was madly in love with.

If Sirius hadn't died, I know none of this would have happened. Damn survivors guilt.

Damn Sirius for dying when he did.

Okay no, damn my crazy Aunt who killed him, since she follows You-Know-Who…

Damn Voldemort…He ruined my chances of spending the rest of my life with a sexy werewolf.

Remus's pale, frightened face came swimming to mind, a look of anguish in his eyes as he tried to push her away. He didn't want to be with her anymore…

She would forget him, she had to forget him…

To her surprise, she realized that as she had been thinking, she had also been gently fingering the necklace of the little bird she still wore around her neck; the one Remus had given her for Christmas. It seemed like ages ago. A different lifetime almost…

To forget him and move on…that's what he wanted afterall.

But could she?

Remus Lupin stood there in his small one room flat, feeling worse than he ever had in his entire life.

This was saying a lot. He had never had an easy life. It included countless and painful werewolf transformations, living in extreme poverty, attending too many funerals of his family and friends…

But this was far, far worse.

Come'on pull yourself together. Be a man about this. He sharply told himself. Out of habit, if nothing else he went over to the kitchen to find his tea kettle. His hands were shaking, as he tapped the tea kettle with his wand and took down a clean mug from one of the shelves.

Nymphadora…The memory of her face when she said she loved him would torture him for the rest of his life. It would have been much less painful for him had his heart been ripped out of his chest, sliced into a million pieces and burned to ashes.

He leaned against the kitchen wall and allowed himself to sink to the floor.

He was going to regret this for the rest of his miserable life and he knew it. He had let his last chance at happiness run out his door without even trying to stop her. How could he? He had destroyed his happiness to save someone else's.

Because you're keeping her safe. Your problems should not be hers, now or ever. That's why you let her go, because as hard as it was, she'll be much happier in the end for it. She'll never have to experience all the things she'd have to if she was with you. You want her to be happy…don't you?

Of course he did. Whenever he saw Tonks's twinkling eyes or cheerful grin, he seemed to forget everything that had been weighing heavily on his mind at that time. All his thoughts would fall on her, trying to tease her a bit to see her exasperated smile, to see her laugh…to just look at her twinkling, thoughtful dark eyes-

He loved her. No, not loved her, but passionately, obsessively and wildly loved her. It had taken him a good while to realize this of course, and he could have done without the help of his old friend on that, but when he had precisely and actually fallen in love with her, he couldn't say.

Of course, he could have come to his senses earlier, if he hadn't tried to push his own feelings away, he could have had more time perhaps-

No. It was impossible to start thinking such dangerous thoughts.

She has to stay safe…she'll be better off without me. She'll be in danger otherwise. And I want her to be happy and safe…even…

Even if it means I'll never be in her life like I was again.

What do you do when someone is so irresistible and yet you want to pull away from them so terribly? Is that even possible?

The tea was ready. Remus stared at it for a moment before standing up and pouring it into the cracked and chipped mug.

You're an idiot Remus Lupin. An absolute idiot. Pick the best time to fall in love, when half his life was over and they were facing a second, much more dangerous war with Voldemort… and he decides to fall in love.

And dear god, of all people to fall in love with he had to fall in love with the most beautiful, the funniest, the bravest, stubborn-

Stop it. He reprimanded himself.

Sirius would probably be throttling him right now.

He thought momentarily of his friend's recent death and for a moment, all his thoughts were suspended as he fought off the still very raw grief.

I'm doing the right thing. I know I am…

He thought of Tonks and wondered what she was doing. She was probably crying- he had seen her eyes starting to well up with tears before she tore out of his home. He had expected her to start crying then and there when he told her at last what he was doing, but he also knew she was the most stubborn and surprising person he would ever meet in his lifetime.

He imagined her crying now, probably at her place- where no one would see her, filled with pain, wounded pride and frustration-

He slammed a fist that he had not been aware of making against a wooden cupboard and let out a loud and uncharacteristically foul curse word.

The pain in his hand was nothing to him as he angrily paced the kitchen. He was so close now to running out after her, swooping her up in his arms and never letting go of her again…

No. He had to think realistically. He had a job to do. Promises to keep, duties to fulfill…

He looked at his open suitcase. He was nearly done packing. He was going to leave all of his few belongings at Kingsley's.

Slowly, he walked over to his suitcase and looked inside. Everything in his life was right there- all his books, his clothing, odd memorabilia-

The box.

He ran a hand along the carved wooden top of it. It had been his mother's originally, but he had had it forever. There was a keyhole, but no key. It was a spoken password, he was very confident now as he had changed the password recently, that no one would ever get inside it. He trusted Kingsley of course, and highly doubted the man would go through his possessions, but still if anything was to happen to him, he'd rather just have the small box remain locked to the rest of the world.

Remus couldn't deny that he was frightened of his upcoming assignment. The thought of what he was going to do any day now, sent his heart rate racing wildly and caused his breathing to become terribly restricted. And yet, despite his many fears and worries, he remained just the tinniest bit, (almost unbelievably in fact)- excited.

He had no idea why. Perhaps it was the long forgotten taste of adventure or rebellion, or perhaps the knowledge that he would be doing something enormously beneficial in this war that made him feel oddly giddy with anticipation and yet sick to his stomach at the same time-

There were far more concerns and troubles that were weighing on his mind about the mission, but the odd feeling was there none the less. He tried pushing the strange feeling away whenever he felt it arise, but to no avail.

With a sigh, he looked everything over in his packed suitcase again before he snapped the lid shut, feeling thoughtful-

He was feeling the same way about his mission as he was about having a relationship with Tonks. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.

She was gone. She was gone forever from his life and no matter how much it hurt him, and her…it was for the best.