Chapter Seventeen- Among the Pack

He was alive.

It was a good start he felt.

On the bad side, his wand was still being held in possession by Fenrir Greyback which meant communication with the Order was an unbelievable impossibility. He had to earn it back somehow-

Remus to his credit was quite shrewd. He hadn't been a Marauder for nothing. He had observed for several weeks what went on in the pack and what was stirring quietly underneath it. …Michel Jacques for instance, had never actually killed anybody from what Remus had gathered though he bragged he had. Ages of the pack varied, most were older though, his age or younger. Remus was surprised to even learn there were women in the pack-but there were two, a weary looking woman called Leah that seemed to have a "romantic" relationship with a werewolf called Fredrick Kemp and a then there was a bitter woman named Bronagh Morrison who all but spat in his face when Remus tried to talk to her. The entire pack was suspicious of him but one werewolf had actually talked to Remus when Remus spoke to him first, a man by the name of David Crawford. David had been a thief for years and so although his moral center was slightly off, he occasionally had worked alongside wizards and witches even though they were all criminals like Mundungus Fletcher.

Most of the pack hated Remus for showing signs of being a wizard or at least trying to live amongst wizards but there was one werewolf that truly hated… no, not hated- LOATHED him. Randolph Horrell despised him. Randolph seemed to have a personal vendetta against him and more than on one occasion Remus had to look away from those cold, grey eyes that seemed to follow his every move.

Life in the pack was hard. Remus thought that years of poverty and hardship would help him adjust easily, but he was sorely mistaken. Fenrir opposed just about anything that represented human living. Unless it was stolen alcohol, drugs or cigarettes- nothing else could be brought into the pack. Things that Remus had though were highly essential such as tea and chocolate for some unbelievable reason was banned. Remus received an enormous telling off from Lyall Simmons for bringing back a toothbrush which was apparently against the rules of the pack as well. How brushing your teeth was considered a wizarding action that needed to be outlawed for werewolves Remus had no idea.

Remus was not allowed to go on his own yet. The suspicious pack made sure every time he went to leave- he was accompanied by someone. The worst night by far had been when Michel Jacques and him were paired up. Michel had actually robbed a small bank when Remus was halfway through the process of trying to sneak away and they were forced to run to an unbelievably seedy bar at Michel's instance. After a certain amount of drinks Michel started a brawl and by the time Remus managed to drag him out half the pub was in flames, the police were all there breaking up the riot and Remus had a black eye and a small amount of illegal cash in his pocket that Michel had thrown at him before he attacked the barman.

It seemed as if the sole purpose of the group was to wait for the full moon. It seemed to be all they thought about, all they talked about. As the days went by, Remus felt his nerves mounting. He was still wandless and had no idea what would be expected of him, or how they would monitor him as a werewolf if they asked him to do something.

Remus was now standing in a tight crowd with the other werewolves as they listened to Fenrir speaking from a mound of broken bricks. Fenrir seemed to believe that motivational speeches concerning revenge, their wolf instincts, revenge, the Dark Lord's overall plan of domination and revenge were necessary for the morale and mindset of the group. Remus was forced to admit, that most of the group seemed to believe it all and devoured his words with incredible devotion.

Today he was exhausted. He was sick of being trapped in this mad world of terror and violence- he was tired of not being able to get a message to the Order, he was still fearful of being wandless and very much alone. He was sick of scrounging rubbish piles looking for scraps of food or bits of silverware so that he could eat decently. The other day he had found some associated junk such as some soggy leaves of tea, a butter knife a half broken ball point pen and most recently, a tea strainer. All this he kept hidden of course. He had a feeling that Fenrir's thin trust of him might just break if he heard Remus was keeping artifacts from muggle garbage.

But as he stood there among the other werewolves listening to Fenrir speaking his mind kept wandering back to the days where he could spend a few hours curled up in a large comfortable armchair with a cup of tea and a good book-

What I wouldn't give to be there now... He thought wistfully as his mind found itself in the warm, comfortable Gryffindor common room from his youth.

Fenrir looked slightly maniacal as he stood from his pile of bricks speaking to them all, "The Dark Lord holds us in high regard. When he is at last in charge we blood brothers will find a new world full of prey that we will have full reign over-"

To sit beside a nice, crackling fire-

"-a rightful bloodbath-"

-and some biscuits perhaps…

"-to be revenged-"

-to sleep in a warm bed…with pillows-

"-never again-"

"I'd murder for a cup of tea."

Exactly…Remus thought. Suddenly his thoughts came to a screeching halt when he realized that although he had been thinking the same words, somebody beside him had actually spoken them.

He turned to see Bronagh Morrison standing there beside him, looking very tired. The shadows under her eyes were more pronounced then ever and her long tangled hair hunk about her pale face, lank and unkempt.

Perhaps he ought to be feeling concerned for such a miserable looking woman but for the first time in weeks he felt a stir of hope.

She turned, glaring at him as if she had felt his eyes on her and he quickly averted his gaze focusing back on Fenrir.

"-shall we be called wild and most feared-"

Already a delicate plan was sketching itself in his mind. The trick was to do it carefully, ever so carefully. Because if suspicion was raised, he might never have another chance.

Remus quickly made his way over the jumble of sharp wire and broken glass rehearsing his already thought out lines as he did so.

He gripped the one tool he had in his hand that was carefully at his side and walked up to the huddled figure of Bronagh.

She was smoking a cigarette that had nearly burned down to nothing. He cleared his throat to announce his presence. Her head shot up.

"Hullo." He said pleasantly. "I'm looking for David. Have you seen him?"

"No." she said coldly. "Why'd you think he'd be here?"

"Michel said he'd seen him heading this way." Remus said smoothly, his quick lie coming off flawlessly. "Said he needed to see me."

She took a long drag on her cigarette. "Well, he isn't here."

He sighed pretending to look irritated while inside his heart began to pick up pace…If it didn't work…Look at it…look at it…

"Right." He said heavily. "Well if you see him just tell him I'm looking for him, will you?"

She nodded.

He turned to go, heart sinking when suddenly he heard Bronagh's voice.

"Hey…is that… what I think it is?"

Thank you

He turned, his face carefully arranged in a slightly confused expression. "What?"

She was peering at the object in his hand. "Is that a-" she craned her neck abit further to get a better look at it. "a tea strainer?"

"Oh, this?" Remus said innocently trying to shove it behind his back. "Just something I found."

Bronagh bit her lip. "It's a tea strainer. I know it is. My grandmother had one."

It had worked better than Remus had expected. He slowly raised it to eyelevel and looked at it carefully. "Ah." He said in pretend surprise. "So it is."

"Don't tell me you didn't know what that is after you living with humans for so long."

"I thought it looked familiar." Remus said. "But I've never used one myself."

Bronagh stamped out her cigarette on a nearby brick and stood up then to make her way over to him. "Let me see."

Remus handed it over.

She ran her hand along the side of the strainer. "Yeah. That's defiantly a tea strainer." She didn't seem to want to let go of it. "Not a half-bad one either. Where'd you find it?"

"Dumpster actually." He said with a rueful grin. "I was going to sharpen it and use the end of it as a tool for something."

She turned it over in her hands, examining it. "It's a pity we couldn't use it, but even if we could we don't have any tea leaves."

Remus raised an eyebrow and shifted about pulling a decent display of embarrassment. "Mm. Yes."

She looked up at him suspiciously. "But we don't have any tea leaves…" she said. "Do we?"

"No. No." Remus said hastily. "Of course not."

She continued to stare at him and he averted his eyes and ran a hand through his hair.

"You're lying."

His head shot up she didn't look angry but she still looked highly suspicious. "You conveniently found a tea strainer in a dumpster and were carrying it around?" A smug smile spread across her face. "You know something Lupin, I think I've figured out your secret. You have a supply of tea hidden around here somewhere don't you? And you didn't think I'd notice what it was with it half-hidden behind your back. I'm guessing that you were caught off guard earlier and that's why you still have it in your hand. Am I right?"

Hook, line and sinker.

Remus let his head fall forward for a moment as if he were ashamed. "Yes." He muttered. "It's the only thing I can't give up. I've tried…really." He looked up suddenly. "Bronagh, you can't tell anyone! Please."

Bronagh folded her arms, smirking. "You could get in a lot of trouble if I told on you to Randolph."

He let his eyes grow wide. It wasn't that hard to pretend fear in this certain predicament. "It's not a terrible offense though! I mean, its just…some warm tea at night. It can't cause that much damage"

"It's against the rules."

Remus sighed sadly. "I know, it's wrong."

There was a long silence between them, Remus's heart seemed to be beating the seconds it was thumping so hard-

"Maybe…" she said slowly. "Just for tonight, I'll join you."

Point one- Remus Lupin.

They had found a slightly secluded spot down in the broken Underground where Remus was making possibly the worst cup of tea in his life. Bronagh was holding her cup of tea as if it were priceless gold and still staring at the tea strainer which was lying on the side.

"My grandmother used to make tea with a strainer."

Remus was surprised that she had spoken first. He had thought it would take a lot more persuasion. "What about your parents?"

She sighed. "My parents made us use tea bags. My two brothers and me that is."

"Ah. Where are they now?"

Her pale green eyes filled with sorrow. "I don't know." She said softly. "I haven't talked to any of them since I was bitten."

Remus watched her in silence.

She laughed, but there was no mirth in it. It was cold and hollow. "Or maybe it was the other way around, they wouldn't talk to me."

There was an awkward pause.

"What happened?" Remus asked softly.

She eyed him suspiciously but when he sat there waiting patiently she started talking, "After I was bitten, I was just old enough to attend school- they didn't want me anymore. They were afraid I think. I ran away."

He said nothing, still waiting for her to talk. He had a feeling she needed it.

"Greyback was the one who bit me." She said, her face dark. "He found me after I had run away from home and tried to raise me away from my parents. For awhile I lived with him until I tried to run away from him too at one point-"

Her head shot up at her own words. "I mean," she said hastily. "I was still young- I was very foolish. I didn't realize how Greyback would make everything right for us."

A long silence stretched between them.

"Greyback will make everything right for us…" she murmured, a frown on her face.

Remus watched her in silence. Suddenly some stones seemed to fall somewhere in the large tunnel behind them and Bronagh's head shot up- instantly alert.

"It's probably just a rat." Remus said. "That or a small rock slide. We seem to get those a lot down here, there's nothing to be worried about."

She looked at him suspiciously and added, "We are the creatures of the shadows, there's nothing down here to frighten us. We frighten others."

"Poetically put." Remus said taking a sip of his own tea.

She frowned and looked angry at him. "You're amused by it?" she asked him coldly.

"No. I find your description of us interesting, that's all. Just because we're 'creatures of the shadows' as you so put it- there's no reason to step out of the darkness and take part in the rest of the world."

She was watching him closely and he continued on.

"Look at David Crawford." he said. "He was bitten when he was very young yet he-."

"Nine years old." she interrupted.

"Yes. But when he was older he actually tried to work alongside wizards."

She looked at him curiously. "How old were you when you were bitten?"

"Young enough." Remus said. "And yet old enough to know that my life had changed forever."

"But when you are young you do not realize-"

"No child deserves such a fate." Remus said sharply. "Not a single one."

She seemed to realize that she had struck a nerve but she pressed on with it anyways. "But when they are young they have the chance to realize their gift. If they leave their parents-"

"And what child," Remus said coldly. "Would want to leave their parents after experiencing what it is like being turned into a murderous beast once a month?"

She let out a sharp intake of breath sat back looking triumphant. "You said it."

"Said what?"

"A 'murderous beast'. You just slipped up there. You still think being a werewolf is wrong don't you?"

"Have you ever listened to Greyback, Bronagh? He glorifies in that description all the time."

A slight frown appeared again on her lined face.

"You can't deny that he doesn't say that because he does. He WANTS us to act like murderous beasts- creatures of the darkest hellhole that can't even have a bloody cup of tea." He snapped, slamming down his cup of tea. "Let me tell you something, it is difficult as a young child when you discover that you can no longer be afraid of the monsters in the shadows because you're one yourself."

Bronagh looked as if her lips were about to form a question, he waited patiently-

"What was it like?" she blurted out.

"I beg your pardon?"

She looked at him slightly desperately as if willing him to understand, "I mean…living with wizards? You were bitten when you were young- but you still worked and lived with wizards for years- what was it like?"

He smiled kindly at her. "I'll tell you the truth. The whole, honest truth…No. It is not an easy life. There are people out there that will always remain prejudiced no matter what you say or do. But some people…" Tonks's beautiful face came flashing suddenly to mind before he could stop it. He closed his eyes for a moment and desperately tried to push it away-

Of course he was unsuccessful.

"Some people," he said quietly. "They give you a chance, and some of them I think truly do care…"

"What about your family?"

"My parents are long dead."

"Oh….so you must have friends."

He took a deep breath before continuing. "I believe that if one person will still talk to you, will stand by your side, will still touch you without flinching- you're not alone."

Bronagh was smiling for the first time that night with a genuine, kind smile. "Do you have a girl Remus?"

He snapped his head around. "What?"

She raised her eyebrows. "You know…a girl."

He thought back to that terrible day- telling Tonks she had to let him go, that he was taking the mission-her running away in the night, heartbroken… "I wish you had told me you were going to say this a few weeks ago Remus. I could've asked the healers to rip out my heart then so that you wouldn't have to now..."

"No." he said quietly. "Not anymore."

As Bronagh and Remus approached camp again, Remus could tell there was trouble- there were raised angry voices from a ring of werewolves. They were arguing and Bronagh shot him a wary look as he ran forward to see what was going on. As he heard their argument, he knew exactly what it was all about-

"You bastard!"

"He bit me!"

"-that was your own fault you stupid-"

"Well I was bitten by-"

"-should've known-

"And when I woke-"

"You bit me first!"

"STOP!" Remus cried stepping suddenly into the ring. They were so startled by his sudden appearance they fell silent almost immediately. "Stop it right now! The point is, we are what we are and there is no turning back. Arguing over what's in the past doesn't do anything to help you!"

They were all staring at him, some of them curiously- some fearful and some downright angry.

He shook his head, "I don't understand it. You were bitten, all of you-" he began walking about the circle, "You are all werewolves but how is biting other innocent people helping you?"

"Revenge." Growled one werewolf that Remus knew went by the name, Fredrick Kemp.

Revenge. Was that the only thing that united them?

Remus knew deep down the answer was yes. And deep down too, he could understand why. Because he too at some times still wished for it.

He shook his head. "It gets you nowhere. It only causes more pain and misery for you in the end."

Michel Jacques let out a loud snort of laughter. "Well it makes me feel a helluva lot better."

Remus shot him an exasperated look. "Michel if somebody told you to jump off a bridge because everybody else was doing it would you feel better too?"

A few people chuckled but Remus turned on them. "I'm serious." He said. "Biting more innocent people does not help the situation, do you understand me? Even if you weren't a werewolf- life would still throw its usual blows at you. But being a werewolf isn't a death sentence despite what the rest of the wizarding world believes-"

"You sound a lot like Fenrir." Bronagh said quietly from the outskirts of the ring.

He stared at her for a moment and then inclined his head respectfully.

"Your right." He agreed. There was furious whispering around him and curious stares. They had obviously not expected him to agree.

"It's true." He said loudly and the whispers fell as they listened intently to him. "I agree with him that we receive unfair prejudice and that being a werewolf should not alienate us entirely from everyday society, but revenge? That's taking it one step too far in the wrong direction."

They were obviously stunned. Remus wondered if this type of motivational speech might be a bit too much for a newly inducted member that nobody trusted or liked, but it was too late now. Besides, the thrill of finally explaining his message to others knowing that they would carefully consider his words long after this sent a real surge of hope in him, the first one in weeks.

He turned around facing Bronagh, "I'm not saying its easy to turn away from revenge, I'm not saying that its fair, but life is like that no matter who…or what, you are."

"You don't have to act like such a bloody saint about it just because you lived with humans for your whole life!" one snapped.

Remus turned around slowly to face him. "My name," he said clearly. "Is Remus John Lupin. I am a werewolf. I have never attempted to deny it. And despite the fact that I am just as angry and frustrated as you are over our predicament, I have lived my life on a saying I once heard when I was younger, 'Blood cannot be washed out with blood'."

And on that final note he turned away from the ring of werewolves and walked away.

Author's note: I can't even begin to tell you how DRAINING this is. SOOOOOO much going on with school and stuff but I'm plowing on with this story. The thing is- I am working on another Harry Potter fanfiction which I am growing increasingly fond of and I intend to post that story after I finish this one. And let me tell you something about the new fic even though it is a surprise...If you like this story- you'll probably going to ADORE the other one. So with that happy note- I am getting this one done even though the angst is killing me.

Don't worry, Part III (DH) is going to kick some serious awesome ass. :D

I would also like to add a HUGE thank you for everyone who reviewed, favorited, etc. my story. It really means a lot to me and encourages me to plow on. I'm glad you like it. Thank you again. :)