Author's note: I don't know about you lot- but I was desperate to see another chapter put up:D I'm so sorry. I know its been ages since I updated. I was getting very discouraged and I would like to thank all of you who kindly reviewed while I was having a terrible time jotting this down- after this it's one more chapter before we move onto Part III which as I start to ponder I realize is going to be quite a challenge. Never fear, I have ideas. :D
Chapter Twenty four- The Loyal and the Brave
Tonks dabbed Remus's shoulder with a wet cloth. The last few hours had been a whirlwind of combined panic, relief, fear and confusion. She had hidden Remus from the Ministry officials. There was no possible way she could bring Remus before them. A child had been bitten by a werewolf and Remus as far as she knew was the only werewolf that had been found in the area. She had apparated immediately back to her place and left Remus there before quickly returning to fix up a quick cover up story to get away. She was finally was home again.
As she stared at his deathly pale face she felt a stab of dread wash over her. Remus couldn't have bitten that boy- he couldn't have-
But he had transformed as a werewolf- and therefore lost all control. He probably wouldn't remember anything that had happened after moonrise.
She was terrified but in order to avoid dwelling on the frightening possibilities she was focusing on cleaning him up. Bringing him to St. Mungo's was out of the question- The Ministry wasn't that stupid-they'd be keeping an eye on every werewolf brought into the place were one actually to show up there.
She poured some more essence of dittany with a shaking hand onto one of the wounds. There were a combination of attacks from a wild animal and splinching. If he had splinched, which he obviously had judging from the chunk of flesh that was missing from his side, perhaps it meant he hadn't been there during the attack at all.
"…But more or less, correct. I'm usually very disoriented, very tired, and very dazed. In most cases if I were to apparate I would probably splinch myself."
She remembered him saying that on that fateful Christmas night with Sirius and playing the dreaded game of 'Truth'. Tonks could remember every detail of that conversation exactly as if had taken place yesterday.
So could that mean he had apparated to the Montgomery place this morning? True, there were no other signs of any werewolf found, but perhaps it wasn't Remus.
She looked at his pale, exhausted face.
It COULDN'T be Remus. Never.
The possibility of Remus attacking a little child was making her physically sick. She put down her towel for a moment and turned away to take some deep steadying breaths.
Pull yourself together! Think of how he feels when he wakes up and not knowing if he's hurt someone- and he goes through that every month…
She was torn between crying and maintaining her tough auror face she still had on. As she struggled between the both of them she heard the faintest of voices from behind her.
"What happened?"
She whipped around at the sound of the cracked and weak voice to see Remus lying there, his eyes fixed on her. He didn't look surprised to see her there.
"I was going to ask you that when you woke." She said quickly.
Remus shook his head as if trying to shake off whatever thoughts or emotions were causing him to close his eyes as if in pain.
"I tried to stop him Tonks- I truly did. I thought Fenrir was going to attack that boy and I was right…"
He looked up at her suddenly, a question in his eyes but Tonks who knew instinctively what it would be quickly asked a question of her own,
"Why didn't you alert the Order? Where was your wand?"
"It was stolen from me. A werewolf by the name of Randolph Horrell. He's been following me for months now and I think when the werewolf from St. Mungo's joined the pack- all his suspicions about me were confirmed."
Tonks took this information in silence as she watched him lay back against the pillows, his face as white as the pillowcase beneath his head.
"Tonks?" he croaked.
And in her name, she heard the unspoken question.
She couldn't lie to him…she bit her lip for a moment and drew a deep breath before saying,
"The boy…Davey, he's in Saint Mungo's."
Something seemed to crumble behind that passive, well-guarded face. It took Remus several attempts to speak in his hoarse voice, "So…the boy was…bitten?"
She nodded.
Remus closed his eyes and Tonks knew that even though he was managing to keep his emotions under such tight rein he was in a lot of personal anguish.
"What about the tip off?" Remus asked suddenly. His voice was so unusually harsh, it unnerved her.
"The Ministry received it and only got in touch with me last night. I realized it was you and so I tried to get a force of aurors over there but because the alert squad had decided it was a possible fake and needed to debate and try to find out if it was truly a real tip off or not, so they wouldn't let me go. I was actually thrown out of the office for 'verbally haranguing' my boss." Normally she would have smiled at this or perhaps made a joke, but she couldn't now with the seriousness of the situation. "I alerted the Order and got a few other aurors to help me out, but by the time we got there…we were too late."
The silence that pressed on them both was heavy and stifling.
"Remus?" she asked quietly.
His eyes, which had closed again, snapped open to stare at her. "Yes?"
"You said you went after Fenrir, right?"
"Yes."
"What…what happened?"
He looked closely at her and took his time before answering, "There was a fight- and in the middle of it I knew I had to make a choice. I snatched my wand back and apparated to a place far away from there that I knew I could go to, to transform. I hadn't gone a second too soon. Almost as soon as I apparated, I transformed.
It took all of her willpower not to collapse with relief. He hadn't bitten Davey then- he wouldn't have to suffer that terrible blow that most likely have mentally crippled him for life had it actually occurred.
"When I transformed back the next morning, I found my wand and tried to apparate back to the place to see what had happened. Where Fenrir was-"
"That was just stupid." Tonks said. "The place was swarming with aurors and others looking for the werewolf. Fenrir had gotten away of course."
"Nevertheless-" (It took a unique sort of bloke Tonks thought, to use words like 'nevertheless' when they were exhausted beyond all reason.) "I had to know."
Tonks watched him as he laid his head back against the pillows again with a sigh and closed his eyes. Once again, a long and terrible silence followed…
"It wasn't your fault Remus." she said suddenly.
He opened his eyes. "It wasn't yours either Nymphadora."
Tonks was too focused on the seriousness on the situation to reprimand him for using her first name.
Remus looked utterly exhausted as he tried to fight back whatever emotions were still causing him to look as if he was in pain. "We tried…we truly tried, but it wasn't enough."
Tonks quickly wiped away a tear that was falling down her face. "How…how did you get a message out to me?"
"Alert box." Remus said. "I realized I still had a scrap piece of paper that was yours from over a year ago. My mind immediately jumped to you and I thought were your name to get involved, sorry- they might consider it more serious."
"Why'd you take the card?"
His eyes fell to the ground. "You were at St. Mungo's at that time…the card didn't have a name on it and I was thinking of that Devil's snare incident with Boderick Bode. In the whole scheme of things afterwards I forgot to mention it to you." He looked up tentatively. "I'm sorry."
"No, that's alright." She said. "I was just wondering."
He gave the faintest of smiles in return and Tonks saw right through it.
"Sleep. Now." She demanded. "No excuses."
"We still have to figure out what I'm going to tell the Ministry-"
"We'll worry about it later." Tonks said firmly. "I'll send a message off to Dumbledore, he'll know what to do."
Looking slightly reassured by this, he relaxed and shut his eyes.
Tonks made a move to stand up when suddenly she felt his hand reach for her's.
"You do know," he said quietly. "That I do care about the people that…that concern themselves for me the most…you do know that, right?"
"I always have."
He let out his breath in a half sigh and let his hand fall. His eyes were still closed and after watching him for a few moments, she realized he had fallen asleep. She quietly left the room, taking care to shut the door gently behind her.
It was far worse than those dreams where you thought you were falling and woke only to have your heart racing and your breath coming in heaving gasps as you lay there in a cold sweat. Remus couldn't remember what exactly he had been dreaming of- it had all been stifling darkness and monstrous shadows, but when his eyes finally snapped open- he could feel his heart racing and his entire body ached as if it had fallen from a high building onto a hard, concrete surface.
It had to be late afternoon judging from the dim light coming in from the windows.
He looked about the room and saw a familiar witch crashed on a chair that was covered in a pile of dirty laundry. As she slept, her mouth was open…she looked exhausted. But even as he watched her, she began to stir almost as if she could somehow sense that he was awake.
She opened a bleary eye and it focused on Remus for a second before both of them snapped open.
"Remus!" Tonks exclaimed. "What are you doing up? You still should be sleeping!"
"Tonks-" he said hoarsely.
She stared at him, looking slightly alarmed by the tone of his voice. "What is it?"
"Could you do something for me?"
"Of course? What do you need? Do you need-?"
"Hold my hand, please."
Tonks looked taken aback but reached out slowly and held his hand in her own small one. "What's this all about?" she asked quietly.
"Sometimes…" Remus whispered. "I feel I need reminding that I'm human."
"Don't start that." She said fiercely. "You're a human, the same as-"
"I know that. But sometimes after transformations…"
Her face softened. She got up out of her chair and crawled onto the bed beside him. Without any hesitation she curled up against him so that her mousy brown head lay upon his chest.
He ran his hand along the side of her heart-shaped face without even thinking-
"For years," he said quietly. "I've transformed alone and by myself. Even now after all this time, you'd have thought that I'd have gotten used to it- but I can't. I wake up the next day- always terrified and always alone. And sometimes…most times…" he paused and settled to tell the honest truth, "Every time in fact, I wish that I wasn't."
A long pause stretched between them and Remus closed his eyes taking ease from the warm, gentle pressure of Tonks lying next to him. Her presence was a strange comfort to him that he had never experienced before. He had often dreamed of those warm "presences" that many lucky people seemed to possess in their lives, the people that seemed to light up rachother's lives and worlds. Remus had just always assumed that he would never have the chance to experience that himself, but he knew then that what was lying right next to him was what he had been looking for during all those long and lonely years. The realization hit him like a bolt of lightening. He didn't feel as empty and drained, and the dark shadows that always seemed so close to him after the full moon didn't seem to be there anymore. It was like having a shining silver patronus by his side against a cold ring of dementors.
"I can hear your heart beating." Tonks remarked quietly. She looked up at him slowly. "You know Remus, people have a certain image in their heads of rebels and fighters. Sirius was possibly the most typical image of it, but there are people out there who rebel silently and they have more courage than they let on or that people see in them at first glance."
He stared at her and he saw that she was pleading with her eyes for him to listen and understand…
"You are the strongest, bravest man I know." Tonks said quietly.
Remus pushed back a stand of hair that was falling into her eyes. "And you Nymphadora, remain the most perseverant and loyal woman I have ever known."
She smiled and Remus realized suddenly that he had said the words he had been thinking outloud. He was far too tired to take them back however-
"Loyal works well for Tonks." She corrected him, as she snuggling closer to him. "I won't hit you today for using my first name…"
There was another moment of silence between them, but it didn't bother Remus at all.
"You know," Tonks said slowly. "To be perfectly honest…sometimes I really am afraid, totally frightened out of my mind- but when it comes to you I can't leave or forget you even if I ever wanted to try to. Guess that's loyalty then, huh?"
"Loyalty is a form of bravery."
"Perhaps."
He allowed himself a small smile as he ran a hand through her mousy brown hair. He was so accustomed to pink, it bothered him more than a little. He sighed, and stared up at the plain, white ceiling.
"The loyal and the brave…" he said quietly. "What a pair we make."
"Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming around…Turn around, Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears-"
Remus woke to hearing what he thought was a dying augery before realizing it was Tonks's voice. He felt the ghost of a smile appear on his face. Some things never changed, including Tonks's dreadful singing.
Tonks burst into the room carrying a large tray. "And I need you now tonight! And I need you more than ever, and if you only- Oh, sorry Remus." She said with a grin.
"You're in a cheerful mood."
"What can I say? The company of a gloomy, despairing werewolf adds to the décor of the house so nicely."
"Ever the joker."
"That's me. Joking like there's no tomorrow. Here! I made you some soup!"
"You didn't burn it." He smiled.
"Nope. No one's been here to save me these past few months from a burning kitchen so I learnt it myself."
He hung his head. "I'm sorry."
"Forget about it." She said, but from the sound of her voice, she was only half joking.
To avoid looking into those dark eyes he focused on balancing the tray on top of the blankets. Tonks handed him the spoon before sitting herself on the edge of the bed. "How're you feeling?" she asked him.
"Much better thank you." He tugged at the too large pajamas he had not realized he had been wearing until that morning. "Whose are these by the way?"
"Oh-" she said, her cheeks slightly pink. "Their my Dad's."
"Your dad's?"
"He left them here a long time ago so I brought them out again. I figured it would be better than wearing nothing."
Remus's eyes widened as he realized something utterly terrifying concerning the most recent events but before he couldn't seem to summon the strength to ask the embarrassing question Tonks sat back in her chair, pushing off some of the dirty laundry onto the floor. "Yesterday, when I sent out a message to the Order telling them what had happened, Hestia said she'd bring over some medicine this afternoon. I'm waiting for her to arrive any minute now."
"That's very kind of her." said Remus (feeling enormously grateful the conversation had moved on) and taking a mouthful of piping hot soup. "And this is wonderful soup."
"Stop trying to flatter me with my lousy cooking skills."
Remus smiled at this but then a slight frown crossed his face as another thought came to mind. "I should personally get in touch with Dumbledore. Perhaps send him a message myself."
"Without a wand?" Tonks said raising an eyebrow.
He opened his mouth and then looked to the side where the bedside table was.
"Where is my wand?"
"And for constant vigilance Remus Lupin, you receive a big fat T for Troll." Tonks said smugly. "Just realized that?"
"I'm getting exasperated with the fact that my wand has been out of my hands these days more times than I can count."
Tonks snickered pointedly at this statement and Remus gave her an exasperated look in return.
"Give it back, please?"
"Hmmmmm….no."
"Are you planning on holding me as a prisoner here?"
"Just until you come to your senses which judging from the statement you made not too long ago, we have a long way to go."
"I may be weak but I'm not mentally unstable." Remus said shortly.
"You're not weak." Tonks said. "You're exhausted, and that's why you need to rest for awhile and not worry about little things I can easily take care of. Have you taken a look in the mirror recently? You look worse than Sirius did in his 'wanted' posters."
"Thank you." He said dryly.
"Well it's true. And you put yourself through all this, you gloomy martyr you, so I hope you're pleased with yourself."
"That was not my intention."
"Sure." She said, rolling her eyes.
He took another mouthful of soup. "So how has work been at the Ministry?"
"Well the past year hasn't exactly been dull." Tonks said dryly. "I mean the Order's kept me busy of course, and work at the Ministry has certainly made quite a change since the battle at the department of mysteries, and then last night where I was nearly bitten by the same werewolf that bit you-"
The soup spoon fell with a loud clatter. "What?" Remus asked sharply.
"-and I'm fairly certain that I've been being watched or stalked by someone. At least since Christmas…"
"That was Randolph Horrell." Remus said coldly.
"Who?"
Her voice snapped Remus out of his dark, wildly spinning thoughts. "You said that Fenrir nearly bit you? When?" he demanded.
"You tell me about this Randolph bloke first and then I'll tell you about Fenrir."
Remus stared at her shrewdly for a moment before lying back onto his pillows with a heavy sigh. "Alright."
Tonks listened to him in avid horror as he told her the entire story of Randolph Horrell. When he finally finished, Tonks was quick to drop her hands that had been covering her mouth in shock during the duration of the story and ask,
"But he's dead now? Right?"
"Defiantly dead." Remus said, feeling as if the soup he was halfway through was about to come up again.
Tonks let out a breath of relief.
"What happened with Fenrir?" he asked.
She stretched her arms for a moment before letting them fall and saying, "The other night, I found Davey's cousin when I apparated away into the Montgomery's woods. I was bringing him back to the house when we realized that there was something behind us. It was a werewolf and so I sprinted back to the house and got the Montgomery's inside."
Remus could feel the blood draining faster from his face than if he had been fatally stabbed.
"-well, spells don't work on a werewolf. You know that. But I managed to slow him down and when he lunged, I did the only thing I could think of at the time and sent up flames between us. It worked pretty well until my other fellow aurors showed up at that moment and sent stunning spells at the wolf. One of them hit me by mistake. I bet it was Hain." She added with a scowl.
"And then?" he croaked.
"Well I don't remember obviously what happened next." Tonks shrugged. "But they managed to chase the werewolf off and lost him in the woods. When I woke, Hestia was there and taking care of me."
His eyes narrowed at this as he scanned Tonks for any injuries.
She held up a pale arm. "My arm and side got burnt really badly. But its alright. I finally managed to finally fix them with morphing last night."
"So is that any better? Your morphing, I mean?"
"If it was finally all better, would I still be having my hair like this? She said, pointing up at her limp looking tangle of mousy brown hair."
He opened his mouth to respond to this but suddenly the doorbell rang.
"That'll be Hestia." Tonks said, standing up. "Finish the rest of your soup, I'll be right back."
She left the room and Remus was forced to finish the soup, straining his ears in vain to hear the muffled voices from the conversation taking place down the hallway.
It was only a short little while later when Tonks came back, her face pale.
"What's wrong?" Remus asked immediately.
She didn't answer right away. She seemed to be composing herself before saying, "Hestia wanted me to apologize for her. She couldn't stay but she wanted to see how you were."
Remus waited in silence, knowing that this was not all that was going on.
"Remus," Tonks said slowly. "The boy Davey…"
He felt his heart stop.
"He…he died this morning at St. Mungo's."
There was a moment where the world seemed to join his heart- completely frozen. Unable to move or act-
Then he threw back the sheets of his bed and swung his legs over onto the side.
"Remus?"
He stood up.
"Remus!"
He had barely made it several steps in the slightly spinning room, before he felt his legs buckle out from under him and he nearly fell to the floor had it not been for Tonks's quick reactions.
"What are you doing?" Tonks demanded.
"I have to go."
"Go where?"
"Back to the pack."
Her eyes widened. "Are you INSANE?!?!"
"Where's my cloak?"
"Don't be stupid, you tosser! Get back to bed right now!"
"I need to go back there."
"Remus you nearly died!"
"Hardly." He said coldly, swaying as Tonks tried to steer him back to bed. "I'm a werewolf- there was nothing Greyback could do to harm me."
"You know as well as I do that he could have easily killed you Remus!"
Remus shook his head in protest but did not reply.
"And now he suspects you for standing up to him like that." She said, roughly forcing him back into bed.
"I had to, Dora-" he said as she threw the covers back over him and saved the tray of soup that was perched precariously on a part of the blankets.
"I know you did- that's not the problem. The problem is that he suspects you now since your cover has gone to hell in a handbasket, Dumbledore needs to know that you-"
"My cover isn't completely gone. I can cover it with a plausible excuse."
"You're not telling me you're really going back in there?" Tonks cried.
He looked up at her. "Dumbledore assigned me to the position of spying on Fenrir's pack."
"Remus you know that it would be suicidal! I'm sure that Fenrir is more than a little suspicious now about you and as soon as you set foot back there he'll have the pack tear you to pieces!"
He chose at this point to pick up his spoon and pretended to focus on finishing his soup next to him rather than admit she was right about that much.
Tonks looked as if she was fighting the temptation to take the soup from him and throw it in his face.
"Remus." She said slowly, surprisingly managing to keep her voice very steady. "Think about this rationally, or as an objective third party. Hestia already brought some medicine for you…you're not even fully recovered yet. And Dumbledore wants you to stay here…just for now until everything is sorted out."
He finally looked up at her and met her eyes straight on.
"Stay…" She whispered, her eyes pleading.
Perhaps it was the sound of desperation in her voice that sent Remus's mind flashing back to the past-he felt a shudder pass through him and couldn't help but quietly murmur the rest of the short mantra under his breath. He closed his eyes and fought back another shiver.
Brief as it was, it had not gone unnoticed by Tonks. "What was that all about?" she asked.
"Nothing."
"Nothing my arse! Merlin's balls, the amount of martyr crap I have to put up with for you!"
"Tonks-"
"Why do I bother?" she said in exasperation, talking more to herself than to him. "Really? Why do I?"
"Tonks, perhaps-"
"Shut up." She said huffily. "Go back to sleep and I'll send a message off to Dumbledore for you. Look, here's some medicine." She held it out and then frowned at one of the bottle's small labels. "Says you need to take as often as needed for pain."
"Give them here. I'll take a small dose."
She slapped the bottle into his hand, none to gently. "I doubt fifty of those bottles would relieve half of my pain, you miserable bugger." She said before leaving him alone in the room to take some of the medicine before surrendering to an exhausted and dreamless sleep.
It had been another day- most of it spent sleeping on his part when Tonks woke him up with a small smile on her face, yesterday apparently forgotten.
"Good afternoon, Professor. You slept the whole day."
He blinked and sat up- the dim shadows on the walls showed him that she was absolutely right.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Come here- I want you to do something."
Feeling much stronger than he had of late he sat up and she tossed him a fuzzy bathrobe.
"Put that on and follow me."
After she had left and he had tied the bathrobe tightly around him he walked down the hall where he could hear running water coming from the bathroom.
It was very cramped inside and Tonks was standing there on the edge of the tub, testing the water. It was then that Remus finally knew what Tonks was up to.
"The hot water should be just about right." Tonks said. "Sometimes if the bloke upstairs flushes his toilet though it gets kind of cold."
"Tonks, this really isn't necessary."
"I think it is." She said, dumping copious amounts of soapy liquid from a purple bottle into the tub.
"I don't take baths after transformations-"
"Well there's a first time for everything." She said capping the lid back on. "Is that enough bubbles for you?"
The bright bubbles that smelled strongly of exotic fruit and strange flowers was nearly gagging him. "That's plenty."
Seeing the cross look on his face she smiled. "Do you not want to take a bath?"
"Not really, no."
"Scared of the water?"
"No, I just don't take baths."
"Would you feel better if I got in with you?" she laughed.
He felt his ears turn bright red. "I think I'll manage." He said in a strained voice.
She let out a snort of laughter at that. "I'm kidding Remus! Merlin's beard, you're so easy to wind up." She started to squeeze past him to get to the door. "Towel's right here for when you get out." She added, pointing to it.
The embarrassing question that had been on his mind of late suddenly came to mind again as he stood there in the small cramped bathroom. Perhaps it was because he was about to take a bath for the first time in ages that had given him the nerve to finally ask it-
"Er, Tonks?"
She paused, her hand on the doorknob. "Yes?"
"I never actually asked you…were you the only one who saw me the next morning after the full moon?"
"Yup."
He could feel his face quickly turning crimson. With as much dignity as he could muster he cleared his throat quietly and asked, "So you saw…everything?"
A sly smile spread across Tonks's face. "Oh, I saw everything alright."
He stared at her, face turning brighter by the second and coughed in a lousy attempt to clear the tension.
She leaned forward and said quietly in his ear, "And if it's any comfort to you, I liked what I saw."
Remus resisted the urge to strangle himself right there with his bathrobe from sheer mortification.
She leaned back, that same sly smile on her face and gave him a quick wink before she started to head out the doorway.
"I'll be back later to see how you're doing. I was going to try to make dinner but I figured we'd be safer just ordering out. That sound good?"
He nodded numbly as she left the room and shut the door with a small snap. He could hear her walking down the hall, singing to herself. "And if you only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever…And we'll only be making it right, cause we'll never be wrong together…"
After a long bath and with Remus smelling more like 'Wild citrus splash' than he ever had in his entire life and finally dry from his long (and were he to be entirely honest with himself, 'relaxing' bath), Remus walked into Tonk's kitchen.
Tonks was already there, looking guilty with a piece of half eaten pizza halfway to her mouth. "Oh…sorry Remus. I got hungry and dug in already."
"That's fine." He said honestly. "I wouldn't want you to wait for me for my behalf."
He had barely gone a few paces into the kitchen when he heard something from the wireless radio that made him stop short-
"You're listening to La Boheme." Remus said in shock.
"Oh yeah." She said carelessly through a mouthful of pizza. "Well, it kinda grew on me after a bit."
"Well that's…" as he struggled to find the right word, Tonks grabbed a fork and brandished it threateningly.
"Don't think that I've given up the Weird Sisters though!"
"I never said that." Remus said, raising his arms in mock surrender.
She smiled. "Good."
He sat down and pulled a piece of pizza onto his plate.
"I put all the drinks on the table." Tonks said with a gesture. "Help yourself."
Remus helped himself to some pizza. "I've been thinking a lot lately…"
"Oh?"
There was a pause as Remus swallowed some of the pizza and Tonks munched on hers waiting for him to finish his thought.
"I think tomorrow I'll go to see Dumbledore." Remus said slowly.
Tonks stared shrewdly at him. "That's probably a good idea."
"I don't know what will happen to me and the pack. Honestly, you may very well be right. It may be over already."
Perhaps it was just his imagination, but Tonks's hair suddenly seemed a little less limp…a bit lighter too.
"Oh." She said coolly. "Well I'm sure you'll figure it out tomorrow with him. He'll be glad to talk face to face to you instead of me sending him messages instead."
He watched her chewing her pizza for a minute before turning back to his own.
It was Tonks that spoke up again, "Where will you live then if you don't go back to the pack?"
"I'm not sure." Remus admitted. "Kingsley has my trunk and such so I might go pick that up before moving to another apartment."
She nodded at this, but didn't say anything.
The longest silence yet followed. They ate their pizza pieces quietly as La Boheme played in the background and Remus began to solidify his frantic thoughts and braced himself. He was going to ask her…something he had long thought about asking for ages…Something he desperately wanted to hear an answer to, but what particular answer he could receive from her, he dreaded…
"Tonks," said Remus quietly.
She looked up at him from her pizza. "Hm?"
He cleared his throat quietly, "If I wasn't what I am…if I…" he took a deep breath. "If I wasn't a werewolf…would you ever consider...marrying me?"
The air suddenly seemed thick with the tension. She stared at him long and hard at him for a moment. She appeared to be in deep thought. He watched her, his breath held for her answer- his heart pounding furiously.
"No." she said finally.
He felt as if his insides had turned to ice. He opened his mouth, not even sure what he was going to say when Tonks cut him off-
"The only Remus Lupin I would ever marry would be the one I know now, the Remus Lupin who is a werewolf." She said finally.
For a moment, the world seemed muted and the young woman sitting across from him was all he could see-
"Oh." he said.
She looked at him expectantly and he quickly turned his head away to stare at the blank, opposing wall.
After a long, awkward silence that even the music on the radio couldn't relieve- Tonks let out one of the loudest, most exasperated sighs Remus had ever heard. He turned to look at her and saw her face was livid as she glared at her half-eaten pizza before her. Her gaze was so intense, Remus was amazed the pizza hadn't already spontaneously combusted.
"Are you alright?"
"No." Tonks said, her lips all but shaking with fury as her head snapped up to face him. "I am not bloody well alright! What the hell is wrong with you?"
He fixed her with a stern eye as he realized where this was heading, "We've gone over this before Tonks."
"Oh yes," she said sarcastically. "You snogging me in the snow before apparating away cleared up EVERYTHING going on between us and now this!"
"Alright, I apologize for-"
"Don't you dare take it back!" she said angrily. "I don't understand this? Why won't you let me in already?"
"I'm too old for you, and too poor and too-"
"What Remus? You're a werewolf? You're dangerous?!?!"
"Yes."
'"So it's this stupid argument again. What is it then? Do you think that I don't know about the dangers or do you think that I don't truly love you?"
"Tonks," he said weakly. "That isn't it at all. I'm not doubting your intelligence or your…affection. I'm still afraid of what might happen to you- what harm might come to you if I let you in."
"SOD IT REMUS!" she shouted. "Why are you still going to be a prat after all this? Did you learn ANYTHING at all this past year? I'm still willing to stand by you!"
Something seemed to snap inside him at these strong, powerful words.
"But why?" Remus said harshly. "Why, Tonks? Why are you still willing to do it?"
"Because…" said Tonks, her dark eyes blazing. "Because I love you. And that's what love is. You stand by the people you care about despite the fears and worries. Here, I'll tell you the truth. Before you I was more than slightly prejudiced. I thought werewolves were total bastards for attacking innocent children and such. I couldn't understand why anybody would want to give one a fair trial after biting a child. Yes Remus," She said, her eyes still a blazing inferno. "I admit it. Before you I thought werewolves belonged in the lowest circle of hell. But then I met you and if you remember correctly, I had no idea you were a werewolf when we first met. Had I known before, who knows what our relationship would have been like? Perhaps I never would have looked hard enough to see what I found quickly upon meeting you. When I found out what you were, it took some getting used to, yes. But when I realized how amazing you were, I also realized that it didn't matter that you were a werewolf."
"But it does matter."
"It doesn't!" she exclaimed. "Why don't you understand? It doesn't make a difference to me anymore if you are a werewolf or the richest, most gifted pureblood alive!"
Remus blinked at this. "You overcame a prejudice because of me."
"Flatter yourself all you'd like." she spat. "It's true. I did overcome it, just like Sirius. Just like your other friends, James and Lily Potter, and even Peter. Just like the small number of people you knew at one time or another that were willing to overlook a certain condition of yours because they learnt that it didn't take away from the whole picture of who you truly are."
And in that split second of a moment it was as if suddenly the world was thrown into sharper relief. The colors more vivid, the air clearer- it finally made sense to him. Beautiful, miraculous sense…but even as he stared at her, Tonks seemed to have had enough. The beautiful moment of clarity was gone as she rose to her feet and after nearly knocking over the chair, dramatically stormed from the room. Remus leapt to his feet and followed her as she turned the corner of the hallway and ran to the closest room, which Remus recognized as the toilet. Before he could shout anything to her or try to stop her she ran in and slammed the door as hard as she could behind her.
There was an odd muffled noise from the door and Remus looking up, realized that the towel that had been hanging on the doorframe was now jammed between the crack of the door and the doorframe. There was a few seconds pause where he watched the towel attempt to be pulled off the door from inside the bathroom. When it refused to budge, the door was suddenly wrenched open and the towel ripped aside before Tonks slammed the door again with all her might.
The second time, it worked.
Author's note: I don't have any time…I don't have an editor…Neither of those factors help me while I attempt to write this crazy story at ungodly hours, but we plow on together, eh?