14. My Best Girl
Dear Bucky,
I've only been here in Washington for a couple of weeks and Natasha is trying to fix me up with some dame or other. I think she means well. I want to think she means well. Maybe she just thinks I'm lonely. I agreed to a date with a girl from HR, whatever that is. It was nice enough, but we just didn't have anything to talk about. The only thing either of us really had in common was knowing about New York and the alien attack, and I didn't really want to talk about it. I didn't really know what she was talking about with other stuff either. She was nice, she was pretty, but it was a struggle. I offered to walk her home, but she said she'd just take a cab. I did insist on paying.
And then I texted Natasha and asked if she could help me with something. You know I'm lousy at asking for help. I'm lousy at accepting help when freely offered, as you well know. But I did make a promise to myself, and I did make a promise to someone else 70 years ago.
Peggy's the only person still around from my old life. Natasha did the digging for me, since she rightly guessed I wouldn't be up for Googling Peggy. Natasha compartmentalizes like no one I've ever seen. She gave me a file folder of information she'd printed out, "courtesy of SHIELD," she told me with a smile and I didn't ask how she got the information she did. She asked if I'd like her to stay. She offered to order Thai for takeout, and promised to have pizza on speed dial as a backup. Natasha confuses me.
I'm in my bedroom now with the door closed and a carton of Pad Thai on the nightstand. Smells strange, but I'll give it a try, especially if there's pizza waiting in the wings.
Margaret "Peggy" Carter:
- Founder of SHIELD
- Married in 1950. Kept her maiden name.
- Had two children, a son and a daughter. Now grown, with kids of their own.
- Retired from SHIELD in 1990.
- Currently in a retirement facility here in D.C.
- Medical conditions: Alzheimer's Disease, deteriorating.
Went to Google. Natasha's eating something called drunken noodle.
Alzheimer's: causes memory loss, disorientation, mood swings. It's degenerative.
So even if I do go visit Peggy there's a good chance she wouldn't even recognize or remember me. Bucky… I've never been very big on emotion, you know that. You were really worried when I hardly cried at my own mother's funeral. I was trying to be strong. I'm trying to be strong now but I don't know how much I have left. I knew Peggy wouldn't be young anymore; I'm the only one who was stopped in time, and everyone went on without me. But to think that she's disoriented and moody and can't remember things… that she may not even be able to take care of herself, and has been getting worse… those are all things that Peggy isn't. Peggy is the sharpest dame I've ever met; she's fit as a fiddle. She's quick and smart and…
"You don't have to visit her," Natasha told me later, over a pizza. Thin crust, with olives and pepperoni. I don't really know what I like on my pizza yet.
But I do. I made a promise, and Peggy's my best girl. She's always been my best girl, and I owe it to her to see her. Maybe it's not as bad as it sounds. Maybe she'll recognize me, and maybe we can actually have that dance. I still don't know how to dance, but that's okay. It's less important that I know how to dance, now that I know I can still have a chance at it. Better late than never, right?
Still lousy with the dames,
Steve