Chapter 2

Erichër Joins the Story - or - Eric and Dylan meet Erichër

Columbine, America, 1999

It was April 20th, and on this fateful day Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, two depressed loners fed up with the world shot up their school, killing hundreds of innocent teens. On this particular morning, no-one knew of the horror that was about to unfold. What they were talking about, however, was the spunky new German exchange student, Erichër Brelltine. This strange new student, the only one ever to be an insect, already had lines of girls following him, tugging at his black vest. But he just ignored them and continued smoking his cigarette inside, like a badass. He was used to this. The main reason he had signed up for the exchange program was to get away from the annoying girls at his German high school, but it seemed they were everywhere. He stroked his handsome face, and wondered. Something about today just didn't seem right, and he had been tense all morning. He disregarded his concerns, and just kept on strutting. Then the first shots were fired.

The two menacing boys fired maliciously, killing anyone they saw. The halls were being strewn with bloody corpses. The opened classrooms, and fired into them. Crowds raced for all exits, but the boys chased them down. Then they headed to the library, where they knew many would be hiding. The girls hid behind Erichër, they knew he would protect them with his firm, luscious muscles, bulging through his traditional school uniform, which was underneath his vest, of course. Erichër began travelling to the library, but knew he could take his time, as if he was motivated to go there, then the two boys were already dead. He could hear muffled breathing as he passed lockers. He yelled to them "You can get out now, ya! I'm here!". The teens scurried out of their lockers and headed for the front exit.

Eric and Dylan checked under tables, and behind bookshelves, and they killed a few students, but they knew there were many more in there who were hiding. So they took a step back, and began firing around the room. They sighed, no-one was here. Plus they could already hear police sirens. They turned to each other. Perhaps it was time they just ended their lives already. There was an eep from above them. Devilish grins spread on their faces. The teens weren't hiding in the room, they were hiding in the ceiling. Just as they tilted their guns up to the ceiling, Erichër entered the room, cheered on by a sea of girls.
"Who are you? Who in the face are you?" Eric questioned him
"I'm Erichër!" he stated proudly, pointing to himself with his thumb "And you better drop your vepons right now! Ya?"
"Bummer." Eric told him "If you were a Nazi we would have spared you. Natural selection is totally our thing."
Eric, smirking, shot Erichër and the girls screamed as he fell to the ground with a hole in his abdomen so deep you could see through it. Hold on, that didn't make sense! One of the girls, prone to fainting, had collapsed. But on further examination they realised that she had fallen because she was dead, with a bullet through he chest. She had been the closest to Erichër at the time. Erichër rose up, laughing, and flexed his "bullet-hole" so it was the size of a baseball. The he lunged it forward, and it swallowed Eric, churned him around, crushing his bones, and ejected him at Dylan at a speed so fact it killed him on impact.

The girls cheered, except for the one that was dead, and they picked Erichër up and carried him around. He stretched his out and removed a panel from the ceiling, allowing him to pull all the student hiding there onto the ground. He was a hero, and made international headlines. In fact, Erichër's victory overshadowed the actual shooting itself. Though Erichër wanted nothing to do with his newfound fame, he had to admitt that the sudden publicity was changing his life for the better. He was wealthier, from royalties, he had a girlfriend now, which meant that all the other girls stopped following him, and he and his mother were happier. But things were about to change.

Dio Brando sat on his favourite rocking chair, and turned to where he last left off in the Qur'an.
"Ah, this book's rubbish! It's absolutely terrible! I have a sudden urge to let everyone know how mad this book is, and how glad I am for reading it without performing the proper rituals first!" Dio ranted, dumping the book in the trash "Now then, how about some proper literature!"
Enya handed Dio a newspaper, trembling at his might
"What's this? German exchange student Erichër Brelltine saves students at Columbine? What the fuck is a Columbine?" Dio swore, confused at modern terms
"It says here he used mysterious strength to defeat the two shooters, what?! Could he have, a stand?"
"I don't know" Enya replied uninvitedly.
"Shut up! I didn't ask you!" Dio shouted, bitch-slapping her so hard her son felt it.
"Perhaps," Enya suggested, coughing up blood on the floor "That it would be wise for master Dio to look him up on the world wide web."
"That's a great idea, Dio. If Enyaba had thought of it she would have redeemed herself"
Dio picked-up his iPad and searched for Erichër.
"It says here he's the son of the great war hero Erky Belltin" Dio stated "Who's that?"
"I don't know, try that Wikipedia"
"Wow," Dio exclaimed "That's a great idea I've just come up with! Let's see what it brings!"

Erky Perky

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Erky Perky is the nickname for an Australian/Canadian war-hero group who defeated Hitler. The group had two main members, Erky and Perky, who lived at a hot dog stand, for 5 years, but were accidentally taken to a house. Two bugs, the Scottish-accented Erky, and his friend, the cowardly and impressionable Perky, lived an idyllic life on a downtown hot dog stand, a cornucopia of crumbs, relish and wieners. They lived the high life until one day they were swept away in a take-out bag and ended up in a sterile suburban kitchen with no food in sight. The two glorious bugs were forced to survive in the new and scary "Land of Kitchen". Every day, they were obsessed with finding food, and eventually found their way home to "Hot Dog Stand". They lived there again for 3 years, until they grew tired of achieving nothing, and decided to join the war effort.

"It says here Hitler killed Erky with a long-schlong bullet-cannon, whatever the hell that is!" Dio announced "And I suppose Erichër is the son of Erky and Eva."
"However," Dio returned to his train of though "I still don't know if this is a stand ability, we'll have to send someone their to test his abilities. Can you send someone, Enya?"
"Yes, of course, for you, lord Dio!"

Erichër said goodbye to his lovely mother as he walked out the door of their expensive home and to the school bus. Everyone on the bus bowed their heads in respect. His best friend, Tyler Ternius, who was the first person he had saved, spoke:
"Hey Erichër, whom's your girlfriend now?" he asked
"Ich, I only ave ad one girlvriend! Her name is Veronica!" Erichër replied, offended
"Yeah, I s'pose her name's pretty easy for you to pronounce! AHEHEHE!"
"Shut ze vuck up!"
This was a new side to Erichër that Tyler had never seen before, a sensitive side that confused Tyler so much that he began vigorously stroking the thick, black, dark, chocolate, african, negro skin on his forehead.

The bus stopped with a halt, and the student kept piling out at the door. Erichër and Tyler were the last ones out. Tyler thanked the bus driver, a 50 year old man named Phil, and the two stepped off. They began walking to the school's entrance when they were stopped by a shadowy figure in a trenchcoat.
"Oh no, not another one ov you shooters!" Erichër complained
"I'm not a school shooter!" the figure explained in a coarse voice, then disappeared.
Tyler looked around, amazed and confused. Where could that strange person be. Erichër gritted his teeth. That man could be anywhere, doing anything, and he was just helpless. He hated being in that position.
"Behind you."