A/N: So there's not much happening in this chapter, but I really wanted to try and show Caitlin's current state of mind. So this chapter felt necessary. And I promise next chapter will come sooner too (as I won't have my computer with me at the end of next week to update). Enjoy!

I don't own anything :)

Chapter 6. Feeling a Moment

"Turning to face what you've become,
Buried the ashes of someone
Broken by the strain
Trying to fill that space inside
Am I just like you?
All the things you do - can't help myself"

"Feeling a Moment – Feeder"

Caitlin let a hand rub her face before grabbing her cup of coffee to take a sip of it. She momentarily closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling of the warm liquid travelling down her pharynx and then oesophagus. She put her cup away and looked back down at her computer resting on her lap.

Caitlin was currently sitting on the swaying bench on the porch of her mother's house, enjoying the first hours of the day when the sun wasn't that hot yet and that everything was pretty much silent.

Well silent until a car approached and stopped right in front of the house. Caitlin glanced at it before going back to typing on her laptop. She didn't look up as she heard footsteps join her on the front porch and stand next to her.

"Caity, what are you doing?"

The voice almost surprised her. Caitlin finally paid attention to her visitor. "Oh hi Charlie! Sorry I was kind of caught up with what I was doing." She smiled at her brother.

Charlie frowned. "And what is it that you're doing precisely?"

"Hum? Huh… I'm just… doing stuff… on Internet…" Caitlin slightly blushed, looking back to her computer, avoiding her brother's eyes.

The crease in-between Charlie's eyebrows deepened in a real Snow-way. "Hum… should I be worried?"

"Huh?" Her eyes flew back up to meet his and widened as she read his face and finally understood what he was referring to. "Ew no! Charlie!" Caitlin exclaimed.

Her brother's shoulders slumped down in relief. He had no interest in imagining his big sister in any context that would ruin the saint image he had of her. But then he realised what she was probably doing and sent her a disapproving and disappointed look. "Oh don't tell me you're working!"

"Am not!" She quickly replied in a high voice, trying her best to defend herself.

But Charlie knew his sister all too well. "Caitlin…" He trailed off, increasing his disapproving face.

"Okay fine!" Caitlin reluctantly admitted. "But it's just a small thing…"

He threw his hands in the air in despair. "You've got to be kidding me. It's 9 in the morning. On a Sunday! What is wrong with you?"

"Hey!" She shouted back. "There's nothing wrong in getting some work done in the morning."

Charlie let out a chuckle as he rolled his eyes at her – a reaction she had taught him while growing up. "You don't even have a job anymore! What can you possibly be working on?

"You don't have to be rude about it…" Caitlin scowled at him. "I may have kept the files of the research I was doing at S.T.A.R. labs and Cisco sent me the last updates."

Her brother huffed in annoyance, but he knew better than to fight against her. He may be stubborn, but his sister was way more stubborn than him and had always the last word. So the only way to get her away from this was to suggest something else to do. "Okay but I brought some breakfast so let's put all of this away and enjoy some family time with mom." He offered her his hand to grab. "Come on."

Caitlin lifted one finger as to say '1 minute'. "Just let me finish that one thing."

"Would you put your computer down?" He groaned, but finally took a seat next to her, taking a breath. He was really worried for her. "Caitlin, I didn't make you come back home so that you could keep working on your ex-job. You're supposed to relax and take it easy in order to deal with everything that happened…"

Caitlin sighed, closing her laptop and slightly turning to face her brother next to her, laying a hand on his thigh. "I know… and I'm grateful, Charlie, believe me. I'm also trying to relax and move on but it's not that easy. I'm not really used to having all that free time to myself. So I guess I also need time to adjust to that."

Charlie nodded, understanding her point. "I can't say I know what you're going through, but I'm here for you, Caity."

Caitlin bit her lower lip to keep herself from bursting into tears. She loved her brother so much and she kind of hated herself from not regularly keeping in touch with him while she had been in Central City. "Thanks little bro." She playfully replied, messing with his hair just to annoy him.

Charlie chuckled and chased her hand away before turning serious again. "And I think that the first step towards moving on would be to take off that engagement ring of yours…"

Caitlin's breath caught in her throat. She hadn't been expecting to hear that. Her eyes travelled down to her left hand where her ring was still present and heavy on her finger. She knew he was right, but taking the ring off had finality to it that she wasn't sure she was ready to cope with.

"I know…" She breathed out with a shy nod.

Charlie put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Come on, let's eat some breakfast with mom. And you can even make me some hot chocolate like you always used to."

Caitlin gave him a faint smile and followed him, giving him a side hug when he let his arm rest around her shoulders as they made their way inside the house, laptop forgotten on the bench.

Caitlin was pacing restlessly in her room, cursing endlessly.

Her little brother had gone behind her back and had stolen the battery charger of her laptop. Well, she hadn't exactly seen him do it, but she would bet her doctor title that it was him. She had seen him wander around her room the day before. And now, she was left with a free afternoon and no battery in her laptop to do any work. She had gone running to take some air and then taken a shower. But she had still so much time she didn't know what to do next.

She went to her shelves and let her fingers run along the books that were standing there. She smiled as she remembered almost all of the stories they were protecting. But these were teenagers' books and as much as she had loved them, she didn't really want to read them now.

Caitlin huffed in annoyance as she went back to her desk, checking one last time that her laptop really didn't have any battery left and that her charger wasn't lying somewhere random in her room. She came up empty again. And then a small envelope caught her attention.

It was her invitation to the high school "10 years after" reunion. She was really not looking forward to that but she knew she would regret it if she didn't go. Maybe it would do her some good to see some old faces.

Caitlin played a bit with the invitation before her eyes fell on the bottom sentence: "Formal attire required". She kinked her brow. She had absolutely no idea what she was going to wear to that reunion. She hadn't really thought about formal-party attire when she came back here.

She tapped her finger on her lower lip as she mentally went through her old wardrobe. She remembered that red dress she had bought as a teenager. She had just worn it a couple of times and she wondered if it still fit.

She went to her closet and looked around for a while. She realised how different her teenager clothing style had been from her current style. It had been way more casual and also really comfortable. She hadn't been part of those girls always making sure their outfits were on point. She had been more the kind that would grab a t-shirt, some jeans and a pair of Converses, and would be more than satisfied with it.

In the middle of her search, she found an old pair of jeans. She knew exactly which pair it was. Caitlin took it out of the closet and unfolded the pants she had in her hands. She smiled as she found the holes in both knees where time had consumed the fabric. These used to be her favourite pair of jeans and her mother had always tried to throw them away because they were old and ripped and it wasn't what a young lady was supposed to wear.

But Caitlin was already stubborn at the time and she had done everything in her power to keep them, to protect them. She had even hidden them for a while, in hopes that her mother would forget about them.

A ghost of a smile crept up her lips at the memories. She turned the pants around to see if she could still remember where each hole was. That's when something fell out of the back pocket.

Caitlin frowned before kneeling down to pick up what had fallen. Her breath caught when she recognised what it was. Very carefully, she turned the old photograph around and stared at her own face. But that wasn't the reason why breathing had become suddenly hard.

The photo showed 17 year old Caitlin, sitting at a desk in the high school library, looking straight into the camera with a wide smile stretching her lips. The reason for that beaming face was none other than Barry Allen standing right behind her, bending over with his arms around her, his head pressed against hers. Caitlin's eyes wandered from his smirk to her own hands resting lovingly on his arms. She remembered that day like it was yesterday.

Caitlin pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers and let her hand trail down her face, hoping that it would help her chase away the weariness. She heard a huff of annoyance and she looked up at her friend sitting opposite to her at the library's table. Iris was hunched over her history book, both elbows firmly on the surface of the table and both hands buried deep in her hair, as if she was seconds away from ripping her hair out.

Caitlin chuckled and Iris glared at her. "Don't laugh."

But Caitlin couldn't help the smile on her lips. They were a few weeks away from their finals and most of their time was spent in the library, trying to get some work done. But sometimes it was simply too much.

Caitlin shook her head and went back to her chemistry book. She managed to concentrate for about ten minutes before something – someone to be more precise – interrupted her. She slightly jumped on her seat when she felt two hands softly squeezing her shoulders. But she immediately relaxed when she recognised him.

She didn't really know how, but she could always tell it was him, without even seeing him. Maybe it was because they spent so much time touching that she could tell his touch apart from any other. Or maybe they were spending so much time together that she could pick up his scent in a crowd without even realising it.

Or maybe it was just because he was him and she was her.

His hands travelled down from her shoulders to cross each other just above her breasts. Each hand reached his opposite elbow and it was as if he was locking her in between his arms. She felt his chest pressing against her back and a smile stretched her lips when his head came resting next to hers.

"Hey beautiful." Barry murmured in her ear and Caitlin had to close her eyes to calm her heartbeat down.

"Hey stranger." She whispered back.

He chuckled, making his whole body tremble against hers. In that moment, all she wanted was to be in his room – or in hers, it didn't actually matter – so that she could cuddle with him and just lay in his arms. Not in the middle of the library, with the back of her chair between the both of them.

"What are you doing?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "Isn't it obvious? I'm training for the town's marathon."

"Oh you're funny." He teased back.

Caitlin shrugged before slightly turning her head to look into his green eyes. "What are you doing here anyway?"

Barry leaned forward, softly rubbing his nose against hers. "I missed you." He replied with that low voice that she had expressly asked him not to use in public. Because it always made her mind wander to private moments where it was just the two of them. Caitlin closed her eyes and let out a pained sigh escape her lips. It physically hurt not being able to really show him what he did to her right now. They had been a couple for almost two years now and she didn't think she had ever been so much in love with him. And she felt like every day she loved him more than the day before.

He was her everything.

Her hands travelled up to touch him, one closing in on his wrist, the other going to his elbow, her fingers grazing his hand laying just under.

"Hey guys, look up."

The couple looked up at Iris in synch, both with furrowed brows. Their faces soon relaxed when they saw that Iris had her Polaroid camera in her hands aiming straight at them. Their friend had gotten that camera for her last birthday and was now completely obsessed with it. She took it with her absolutely everywhere and told them she would never get rid of it. Iris was convinced that, in the future, when she'd be a famous reporter, she would take photos with that same camera for her articles.

Iris grinned at them and snapped the photo. She took the Polaroid and shook it a bit. She glanced at it before handing it to Caitlin. "There you go."

"Thanks." Caitlin mouthed back, not wanting to disturb the people studying around them. They were already making enough noise as it was.

Caitlin looked at the photo and immediately fell in love with it. They looked happy. You couldn't see any trace of stress or tiredness on their faces. You couldn't see the inner turmoil going inside Caitlin at the idea of soon finishing high school – she was both really excited and absolutely terrified about it.

But those thoughts went away when Barry looked at the picture over her shoulder and whispered in her ear: "You keep it."

Caitlin slightly turned her head to look at him. "You sure?" She inquired.

Barry nodded. "Yeah, don't worry. Besides, we have our personal paparazzi." He gestured towards Iris. "I'll get the next one." He winked at Caitlin, making her heart flutter.

"Thanks." She murmured.

Barry gave her is most knee buckling grin. "Okay, I have to go or I'll be late for practice. Again. See you later, Cait."

"You go run, track boy. I'll see you later." Caitlin smirked and Barry shook his head in amusement before dropping a peck to her lips. And then he left, leaving a wide smile on Caitlin's face. She wasn't sure she'd be able to concentrate again after that. She looked up at her friend and blushed furiously when she saw the all-knowing smile on Iris' face. Caitlin let out a nervous giggle before going back to her books, trying to get Barry out of her head. It was pretty much a waste of time.

Caitlin never thought she would, one day, be that much in love.

Caitlin couldn't stop staring at that old crumpled photograph in her hand. She tried to soothe the creases away, but it was a more than ten-year-old Polaroid that she had carried around in the back pocket of her pants and shorts for the whole summer after graduation and even during the first semester of college. Everything had been pretty much perfect at the time that picture had been taken. Well except the finals coming up, the approaching of college, the fear of the unknown, the doubts about her future and her teenager's insecurities… Anyway, between Barry and her, everything had been really good at that time.

Unlike right now. She hadn't heard from him in the few days since their little getaway to the funfair and their fight in his car. But she hadn't reached out to him either, she didn't want to. Barry was completely right, she was absolutely terrified of letting him in again. Caitlin knew she wouldn't be able to handle loosing him once more – because let's be honest, that's how it always seemed to go between the both of them.

Looking at the photograph, Caitlin surprised herself by missing that connection they used to have. But she didn't miss high school – that was for sure. She had discovered the real world out there and she had grown way more confident in the past years – she had no intention of going back to her anxious-teenage-self. Well, that was until she had lost her fiancé and got betrayed by her mentor… Until she had lost faith in herself again…

Caitlin put the photograph on her dresser before turning her attention back to her old pair of jeans. She had brought them back to Central City at the beginning of College, carrying that picture around with her. But after the first semester, she had decided to straighten up her wardrobe a bit and put away the ripped jeans. So she had brought them back to Ryker Neve, the photograph forgotten in the back pocket.

"So I heard you needed a date for some high school reunion."

Caitlin let out a high shriek, letting the pants fall down to the floor. She turned around to face the person that had surprised her. She glared at him and laid a hand on her heart to try to soothe it from the shock.

"Cisco! You scared the crap out of me!" She protested. But soon, she forgot all about her almost heart attack and ran to her best friend, gathering him into a hug. "What are you doing here?"

Cisco beamed proudly at her, happy that his surprise had worked. "Your little brother called yesterday to rip me a new one because I sent you those documents from S.T.A.R. labs."

Caitlin's lips stretched wide to form a grimace, showing her teeth. "Oops, sorry."

He pushed her apology aside with a hand movement. "Anyway, he told me you had that high school reunion this weekend and you were thinking about not going. I'm here to force you to go and I'll be your date."

"Cisco, you didn't have to…"

"Oh believe me, I know," he stopped her, "but I wanted to! You really think I would let an occasion like this pass?" Caitlin kinked her eyebrows at him so he explained himself with a wide grin. "Imagine all the embarrassing stories about teenage-Caitlin I'll be able to gather in a party like this!"

The young doctor rolled her eyes at him. "Of course you wouldn't want to miss that…"

"Exactly." He nodded his head excitedly, wide grin still in place. "Now come on, I want to hear all about what happened in the three weeks you've been here already. And I heard you could make a killer hot chocolate. I'm kind of offended you never made me try before."

Caitlin lips curled up as she followed her best friend out of her room, her jeans and the old Polaroid forgotten behind her.