A/N: Thank you all for the great feedbacks! You are all so awesome! And I apologise for the slight delay for this update, but my weeks are really busy right now... Anyway, enjoy this!

I don't own anything ;)

Chapter 19. Sad Beautiful Tragic

"In dreams I meet you in warm conversation
We both wake in lonely beds in different cities
And time is taking its sweet time erasing you
And you've got your demons, and, darling, they all look like me

'Cause we had a beautiful magic love there
What a sad beautiful tragic love affair

Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting
Silence, this train runs off its tracks
Kiss me, try to fix it, could you just try to listen?
Hang up, give up, for the life of us we can't get back"

"Sad Beautiful Tragic – Taylor Swift"

A small smile and a typical roll of her eyes appeared on her features as the soft ring tone of her phone cut through the air. She let the full-blown smile take place on her lips as her heart fluttered in her chest thinking about the person that was probably calling her. That was until she tried to actually get her phone.

Caitlin was currently coming out of the grocery store and heading towards the car, hands full with paper bags, sunglasses barely hanging from the tip of her nose, handbag balancing from her elbow and car keys dangling from her fingers. Reaching for her phone that laid somewhere in her bag was practically an impossible task.

She scurried towards the car, somehow managed to open the trunk and drop her bags in it. Quickly, she grabbed her phone and answered it without taking the time to check the caller ID, afraid it would cost her the few seconds that would lead her caller to hang up before she could answer. She was pretty sure she knew who it was anyway.

"Already missing me, are you?" She teased, not bothering saying 'hello' first. "I'm on my way, sweetie, I just bought a few things for our dinner tonight."

"Well it's the first time you call me 'sweetie', but I can't say I dislike it… What are we eating?"

Caitlin dropped her keys in surprise and her glasses slid a bit more down her nose. That wasn't Barry's voice on the phone like she had been expecting it to be. "Cisco?! Hiii!" She cheered, a goofy smile stretching her lips. "I wasn't expecting you to call."

Her best friend chuckled. "Well, I gathered that much. So tell me, who is sweetie? And please tell me you bought red vines!" He added excitedly.

Caitlin rolled her eyes, pushed her sunglasses back in place and picked up her car keys. "I'll have you known that not everybody is as crazy as you when it comes to red vines."

"I know, what a cruel world we live in…" Cisco answered bitterly, making Caitlin laugh while she rearranged the grocery bags in her trunk.

"Don't you think you're overreacting a little bit?" She pointed out with a small chuckle.

Cisco hummed and she could bet he was shrugging right now. "Well, you can never be too dramatic in my opinion."

Caitlin rolled her eyes again. "Has this whole conversation even a point?"

"Can't a guy call his best friend anymore?" He retorted, almost offended. "Or are we now those friends that do the whole 'if you don't call me, I don't call you' thingy?"

She sighed as she closed the trunk of her car and leaned against it. "No no, I've just been a little busy in the last few days…"

"Yes, I got that. Busy with 'sweetie' right?" He mumbled, almost hurt that she wouldn't explicitly tell him what was going on in her life.

And Caitlin instantly understood the message and suddenly felt very guilty for not sharing more with him, for not calling him first. "Cisco…"

"Oh don't 'Cisco' me!" He interrupted her before she could actually form a sentence. "So who's the guy? Do I know him? Don't get me wrong, I am very glad you're finally getting some…"

"Cisco!" She repeated, but this time in a high pitched squeal, scanning around her scared that someone might have heard her best friend's words. Not that it was actually possible…

"Oh don't be such a prude Caity. We're both grown-ups. So tell me, who's the lucky dude?"

Caitlin pushed her embarrassment aside and huffed in annoyance. "Like I'm going to tell you now…"

"Ooh, a challenge, I like it!" Cisco cheered in her ear.

"This isn't a…" She started.

"So is it the sexy neighbour?" He instantly cut her off.

"Wh-what?" Caitlin almost choked on her words, eyes opening wide. "Noooo, my neighbour is like 70!"

"Well how could I know that?" Cisco asked dismissively. "So it's the cute bartender, then."

"Leave it Cisco, I'm not telling you."

"The mailman?"

"Cisco…" Caitlin warned.

"Or maybe it's a 'she'!" Her best friend suddenly exclaimed himself.

"Seriously Cisco?" She squeaked. "When was the last time you saw me attracted to a woman in that way?"

"Right… It would be hot though." He pointed out after reflecting on it.

"Oh god…" Caitlin groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Oh I know! It's the pizza delivery guy!"

"Are you kidding me right now?" Caitlin protested again, though a small smile hovered above her lips. "You've seen Ryker Never, right? Do you really think this kind of thing happens here? And who do you take me for anyway?"

Cisco burst out laughing and Caitlin couldn't do anything but follow in the laugher.

"True true…" He said before stopping in his crazy ideas. There was a long silence during which he seemed to consider his next words. "Oh my god!" He suddenly shouted out and Caitlin had to put distance between her phone and her ear to avoid any damage to her hearing. "Is it your ex?! As in your ex Barry Allen?! The guy that was a total jerk to you at the reunion?"

Her heart tripped at the mention of Barry's name. But fear also gripped at her being while she thought about the different reaction Cisco could have at the revelation – good and bad ones, especially bad ones.

"I never said it was one of his brightest moments…" Caitlin trailed off.

"So it is him?!" He insisted.

"No… I… Hum… I never said that!" She protested, refusing herself to admit it right away.

"Well you didn't deny it either. Come on Caity..."

Cisco's voice seemed suddenly more strained, far from the cheery sound it had been a few moments ago. And that pushed her to tell him the truth. To tell him that yes, she had fallen back into the arms of her high-school sweetheart. That yes, she knew it was a bad idea. That yes, someone would probably get hurt after this. But she would also tell him that yes, she felt great in Barry Allen's arms. That yes, he was healing her, in his own particular way.

"Yes… It's him…" Caitlin whispered, waiting for the reprimand coming from her best friend. "But please keep the lesson for when I'm back in the city…"

There was a light sigh on the other side of the phone line. "I wasn't going to give you a lesson… I just hope you know what you're doing."

A single tear formed at the corner of her eye and Caitlin quickly chased it away, afraid he would feel it. "I don't, actually." She breathed out. "But for once it kind of feels liberating, you know? Not knowing what will happen, just living it one day at a time."

"If you say so…" Cisco trailed off, not completely convinced by her argument. "Just be careful, okay?"

A smile instantly appeared on her lips. "I will. Thanks for being understanding, Cisco." She whispered gratefully.

"Always there for you, Caity." He replied in a cheerier voice that made her heart soar in her chest. "So, what are you doing tomorrow?"

Caitlin frowned at the question. "Hum… Probably spending the day with Barry, why? What's tomorrow?"

A long pause on Cisco's side made her heart suddenly pick up its pace.

"Cisco?" She called out.

He cleared his throat before answering. "Oh, nothing nothing, I was just asking out of pure curiosity." He quickly explained, making Caitlin's frown deepen itself. "Sorry, I just realised I forgot something at the lab and spaced out. Anyway, I'll leave you join 'sweetie'. It was great hearing your voice Snowy. I'm glad to have you back in the city in not too long."

"Yeah, me too…" Caitlin whispered, not as much excited as he was. She didn't even berate him for calling her 'Snowy'; she barely registered him saying good-bye. All she could think about was her moving-back-to-the-city date approaching each day a little more.

But then she shook her head and put away her phone. Barry was waiting for her and she couldn't leave him hanging. And she also couldn't wait to be in his arms again.

A slight breeze on her bare shoulders was what woke her up the next morning. Without opening her eyes, Caitlin blindly searched for the cover and pulled it back over her naked body. The chill decreased slightly but not enough for her to feel completely comfortable. The cool air usually didn't bother her that much. And then she frowned.

Something was missing, keeping her complete comfort out of reach.

Her fuzzy brain finally pushed the sleepiness away and Caitlin realised there wasn't any weight against her back or over her waist. There weren't legs tangled in between hers. Her head wasn't resting on a firm warm chest. And that's why the breeze had woken her up. In the last few days, she hadn't minded the nightly wind that swept through Ryker Neve at that time of the year. Because in the last few days she had had her own warming blanket.

Caitlin cracked an eye open and turned her head to see Barry's side of the bed completely empty. There was still the imprint of his head on his pillow and his discarded side of the bedcover. But no Barry.

It was Sunday, so she knew he didn't need to go work. And since the summer break had just begun – and even when he had to go somewhere – he always made sure to say goodbye before leaving. He also usually woke up after her when he didn't have anything planned in the morning.

So where was he this particular morning?

Caitlin turned to lay on her back when she heard the bathroom door open and someone approaching the bedroom. The next thing she knew and Barry was stepping inside the room, only wearing a pair of boxers.

Her eyes fell to his well-built chest and she bit her lower lip, as the sudden need to draw his abs with her fingers took hold of her. Wrenching her eyes away from his chest, she looked up at his face, knowing perfectly that she'll find a smirk plastered on his lips. She did find his typical smirk, but what came with it made her cringe.

"Huh… What is this?" She carefully inquired, her face strained to keep herself from appearing completely repulsed. But she just couldn't let that small detail slide.

"What do you mean?" He kinked his brow, leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom, casually crossing his arms on his chest.

Caitlin rolled her eyes because he perfectly knew what she was talking about. She pointed at his face. "I'm talking about that thing above your upper lip."

"Oh this?" Barry beamed, his thumb and index finger slowly and proudly stroking the full moustache that had taken home under his nose. It was thick and made a huge contrast to his naked cheeks and chin. "It's pretty cool, isn't it?"

She gaped at him. "Uh… no, it's not."

"I thought you liked my facial hair?" Barry remarked, a slight frown appearing above his eyes.

"Oh no!" Caitlin shook her head with wide eyes. "What I said was that I really like it when you have stubble. This is not stubble. This is a full on moustache."

A chuckle bubbled up from his throat. "Aw come on, you'll get used to it."

"Ugh, no. Shave it." She ordered, shooing him away with her hand. "It makes you look like a creepy old guy."

"Aw but I like it!" Barry whined but the twinkle in his eyes told her he didn't really mean it.

"And I don't." Caitlin simply stated before pulling the bedcover away. She stood up and grabbed his button down shirt that was lying on his chair to put it on just because she could.

Barry momentarily forgot about her request and openly ogled her, his eyes travelling from her bare legs to her torso being gradually covered, as she closed the buttons of the shirt. When his eyes landed on her face, he chuckled at the single arched eyebrow she was sending his way.

Slowly, Barry moved towards her and grabbed her by the waist. Her breath caught in her throat under the intensity of his gaze. Had it been any other man, she would have scolded and shouted at the way he unabashed checked her out. But it was Barry. There was special warmth in the way he looked at her that made her insides melt every single time.

In silence, he leaned in and she let a moan escape as soon as his lips touched hers. One of her hands travelled to the back of his neck while the other rested on his cheek. They had been kissing a lot in the past few days, but, every single time, she felt like it was the first.

After a few heated kisses that had her heart pumping harder and her limbs almost giving up under her weight, Caitlin put her hand on his chest and softly pushed him away. At one point in their make out session, her lips had brushed against his moustache and it had brought her back to the conversation that they had been having. She already missed his stubble but his moustache wasn't quite doing it for her.

She giggled at the confused frown he gave her in exchange.

"Oh don't think you can distract me enough for me to forget, mister." She playfully pushed him further towards the hallway. "Now go shave that thing." She ordered while waggling her finger to dismissively designate his facial hair.

Barry chuckled and shook his head. But he willingly went back to the bathroom to shave his moustache. In the meantime, Caitlin went to grab a fresh coffee before going back to Barry's bedroom.

While sipping on her hot drink, she wandered in the room. She blushed as she had to lift her bra from the desk where Barry – or had she been the one to do it? – had thrown it the night before. Under it was a stack of books and she curiously inspected the titles. Next to the few science books she found his planner open on the present day. She left her half empty coffee cup on the desk and picked up the little planner and she smiled when she saw he had the whole day free, which meant they would probably stay together, preferably indoors – as in "in his bedroom" – the whole day. Absent-mindedly, she traced the date with her finger.

And then her smile dropped.

Had the cup of coffee still been in her hand, it would've probably ended up on the floor, shattered to pieces.

She barely registered the sound of Barry coming back into the bedroom, bare feet and a towel in his hand while he dried off the last drops of water on his face. His moustache was gone, leaving his soft naked skin free.

"Baby-faced Barry is back. Happy?" He cheered with a wide smile.

He instantly frowned when Caitlin didn't reply. She was still standing next to his desk, her cup of coffee forgotten on the table – which was already an alarming fact. He could clearly see her tensed shoulders, her hands gripping his small planner and her bra hanging down from her pinkie finger. That last item would've made him smile if Caitlin hadn't seemed so tense.

"Cait? Are you okay?" He asked, his voice unsure.

Slowly, she lifted her head and directed her teary eyes in Barry's direction. He instantly dropped the towel, with which he had been drying off his face, and crossed the room to join her. As soon as she was in reach, his hands went to her elbows to draw her closer to him.

"Cait?" He repeated; worried about the fact that tears and throbbing lips had replaced the huge smirk she had been wearing five minutes ago. "What's going on?"

Dread seemed to creep all over his skin as hypothesis flew around his mind. Was she regretting something? Was she changing her mind? Had he done something wrong? Did she pretend liking him? Did she lie about something? Was she…? No she couldn't, they had been careful and it would be too early to know anyway…

The fact she was avoiding his eyes like the plague didn't do anything to ease up his mind. Cautiously, he let his thumb run along her cheek to make her look up at him. Her eyes finally met his and he felt his heart drop further down his chest.

That's when he remembered the planner she was clutching in her hands. "Cait?" He said again, wrecking his brain to remember if something was happening today, but coming up empty. It was like he was trying to grasp something that was in the process of evaporating. He could feel it slipping through his fingers and couldn't do anything to keep it with him. Like having a word on the tip of your tongue – knowing it's here, but impossible to find it.

And then Caitlin finally broke the excruciating silence that had been hovering over them.

"It's been one year today…" She whispered, looking back to the planner, one single teardrop falling on it.

"Wh… What?" He shook his head, not instantly getting what she was saying. Damn his foggy brain for not understanding the most important things.

"Barry…" She croaked, her pleading eyes flying back to his, begging him to understand so that she didn't have to explain her words, as if it was too painful for her. And it probably was.

"Oh." He simply said, as his foggy mind seemed to suddenly clear up. "Oh!" He repeated with more conviction when he actually realised what she was talking about.

He wondered how he could sometimes be very, very, clueless. There were only two things he knew that could get her in that state – or maybe three if he was counting himself in it. Only two other things were left.

Her dad…

… And Ronnie…

"I almost forgot…" Caitlin sobbed, bringing him back to the current situation. "I was so wrapped up in you, in us and our little bubble that I didn't even realise it was today… or that it was even approaching." The words tumbled down her lips as fast as the tears now streaming down her face.

"Cait, I…" He croaked, drawing her closer, moving to hug her.

But she instantly pushed him away. "And how can I feel so happy when he's dead?! Barry, Ronnie's dead!" She insisted, half shouting, half choking on her tears. "Ronnie's dead and I'm here all giddy and smiley…"

He tried to gather her up in his arms again to soothe away her pain but she simply pushed him away and took a few steps back. Guilty was written all over her face and he felt a grip on his heart, knowing he was part of the reason she hurt that way. He knew he wasn't responsible for Ronnie's death, but he was part of the reason why she forgot about the date.

"How can I be such a bitch?" She exclaimed herself suddenly, anger taking hold of her soul, replacing part of the sadness. "Cisco even called me to ask what I was doing today, and all I could think about was you! Like it didn't even graze my mind. He was my fiancé! How can I forget he's gone?!"

Barry took a step towards her, but her flaring eyes instantly stopped him. He was at a loss for words. All he wanted to do was to comfort her, but he somehow felt that every single thing he could do would make things worst.

Caitlin didn't seem to notice the torturing fight going on inside Barry, and she just let her anger speak again. "Not even one year after his death and I'm already fooling around with my ex!" She spat out with disdain.

That sentence felt like an arrow through his heart and his breath caught in his throat. "We're not fooling around." He finally stated with a strained voice. He sounded offended and dismissive. And it was how it felt too.

"Oh really?" She raised one dubious eyebrow as she crossed her arms on her chest, adopting a defying position. The tears had stopped from falling down her face and were now drying on her skin. "Then what is all of this, huh? Some epic romance finally coming full circle? You know I don't believe in that kind of crap!"

"Well nobody told you to act like you cared!" Barry suddenly snapped. He knew she was angry – mainly with herself – frustrated and feeling guilty, and was taking it all out on him. But he couldn't bear hearing her dismiss their relationship like that.

"What kind of fiancé does that make me?" She continued, seemingly not moved by his remark. "What kind of person does that make me?"

"A passionate one, Cait!" The words flew out of their own accord, even though they felt heavy on his tongue. "You love with your full heart and you lose with the same intensity."

She looked at him wide eyed, as if realising just now that he was talking back to her. He took advantage of her pause to take a deep breath. "You know we're more than a couple of kids fooling around." He said as he finally took another step towards though. And this time she didn't pull back. "We always were more than that. And us being together in no way lessens the way you felt about Ronnie. I know you feel that way, but it doesn't. I know you loved him. I know you still do and probably always will. And I'm okay with that because he's part of who you are." He softly shook his head, trying to convey his feelings through his words – even though it had never been part of his talents. "I'm not trying to replace him, Cait, you know that. But you have to let yourself go on with your life."

"But he's gone, Barry… he's gone…" She choked on her words and Barry took another step forward.

"Cait…" He breathed out. She was still there, with him. It meant they could get through this, right?

She shook her head and distanced herself from him, avoiding the hand he stretched towards her, crushing his heart in the process. He felt the progress, his words had brought them, slip through his fingers.

"I'm sorry, I can't…" Caitlin whispered, her eyes going to the floor.

"Please don't push me away." He pleaded in a weak voice, letting his hand fall back against his side. "We can talk about this. We can go through this together, I promise."

"I… I have to go…" She stuttered, not meeting his eyes and taking another step back, almost tripping on her shoes lying on the floor.

Barry started to well up, watching the wonderful woman in front of her retracting back behind her protective walls, out of his reach. "Cait… Please stay and let's talk about this…"

Agitatedly, she began gathering her things, slipping through a pair of jeans, grabbing her bag and keys, not bothering changing out of his button down shirt. "I… I can't, I'm sorry…" She repeated in a groggy voice. "I need some time alone. I… I'll call you later."

He wanted to say something to make her stay, but he understood it was something she had to do on her own – even though it was crushing his heart and his soul. She had always been the kind of person to need some alone time to come at peace with her problems. And he knew she needed him to let her have this.

But it didn't mean he would give up on her, or them. He was just going to give her some time.

So he simply nodded, trying to convey all his feelings for her through a simple look. 'I'm here for you, Cait. I won't give up on you.'

And her lips slightly curled up in a sad smile when she understood, her heart swelling in her chest for that wonderful man she could call 'hers' if she wanted to – and she did. So she closed the small space between them, rose to her tiptoes and dropped a small peck on his lips. She stopped for a moment, forehead against forehead, breathing the same air, eyes mere inches away.

And then she pulled back. And without another word, she went out the door, leaving Barry with a heavy heart and no shirt, alone in his bedroom.

A/N: I'm sorry?

Anyway, the moustache bit was inspired by a Grant Gustin Instagram photo that made me laugh xD (you can check it if you add this after the instagram url: /p/BHgQvtPBSZm/)