A/N: First of all, I want to apologise for the wait… But I'm afraid the updates are going to be less frequent from now on, as university is taking its toll on my personal life and my free time… But don't worry, I'll keep updating, I'll finish this story like I always do. You'll just have to be a bit patient with me…

Second of all, thank you all for following this story until now and for always giving me great feedback!

Third of all… Nope that's it, I'll stop talking now and let you enjoy this chapter ;)

I don't own anything :)

Chapter 20. 1, 2, 3, 4

"Give me more loving from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends
Make it feel good when it hurts so bad
The best that I've had
And I'm so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy"

"1, 2, 3, 4 – Plain White T's"

Barry was out of his car almost as soon as he'd cut the engine off. With a few long strides, he was on the front porch and loudly knocking on the door. A surprised Evelyn opened the door a few moments later.

"Barry, are you alright? What has ruffled your feathers?" She inquired with a typical Snow-frown on her features.

The young man gave her a weak smile and tried to look behind her to see if he could spot what he was looking for. When the silent background of the Snow-house was the only thing he found, he looked back at Evelyn with furrowed brows. "Is Caitlin here?"

"Caity?" The older woman shook her head. "No, handsome, I thought she was with you."

Barry's shoulders instantly sagged down and he let his fingers run through his hair to release some of his nervous energy. "Yeah, she was this morning…" He muttered, not really inclined to elaborate how they had spend their time until the blow out.

He hadn't heard from Caitlin ever since she had walked out on him about eight hours ago, and he was beginning to really worry about her. Even more considering she wasn't home. He thought she would just lock herself up in her old room, probably cry about Ronnie, and think a lot about her current predicament. And when she would figure things out, she would call him. But he never considered not finding her home.

"What did you do?" Her mother suddenly asked with a severe frown.

His eyes widened and flew up to meet hers. "What makes you think I did anything bad?"

Seriously, Evelyn put both hands on her hips, adopting an intimidating stance. "Well I don't know if you've noticed, but my daughter is crazy about you. Seeing you in that state makes me think you two fought about something, and since she's not here, it must be pretty bad. And I know she has a too fragile of a heart right now to be the one to risk it in doing something reckless."

Barry felt his heart drop further down his chest. "I… I'm not… I… I haven't done anything wrong…" He stuttered, at a loss for words, not really convinced about himself either. "Everything was fine until… until she saw the date."

Evelyn instantly dropped the severe behaviour, seeing Barry acting like a lost puppy. "What date?"

"Today's date." He croaked, now slightly rubbing the back on his neck. "It's the anniversary of Ronnie's death."

He heard Caitlin's mother gasp. "And she pushed you away, didn't she?" She whispered softly, worry palpable in her voice.

"That's the nice way to put it, but yes…" He sighed, nervously fidgeting with his shirt. He glanced over his shoulder for a second before turning back to Evelyn. "I'm going to look for her. The sun is soon setting down, I'd like to find her before it gets dark."

"Okay, could you please call me when you find her?"

"I will." He promised.

"Thank you, Barry."

Without another word, Barry ran back to the car to get on with his search. Ryker Neve wasn't the biggest town ever, but going through every main street, to make sure he didn't miss her, took him quite some time. Dread crept all over his neck as the daylight began to decrease further.

He let out a sigh of despair as he drove past the cemetery. It was in moments like these that he'd like to turn to his mother to ask for advice. She had loved Caitlin when they were back in high school, and he was sure that, had she still been alive today, she would have been rooting for the both of them. Nora would've told him what to do to comfort Caitlin, to keep her from pushing him away.

But she was gone and Barry was on his own to find the answers to his many questions.

He suddenly slammed on the brakes. One hand gripping on the steering wheel, the other clutching at the gearstick, Barry went into reverse to go back to the entrance of the cemetery and then stopped the car.

Rapid heartbeat and shallow breath, Barry stopped for a moment to consider his next move. Caitlin was nowhere to be found in the town. It was the anniversary of her fiancé's death. She couldn't go anywhere to pay Ronnie her respect. And her father was buried in this cemetery. She had to be there, searching for some kind of comfort at her father's grave.

Slowly, he got out of his car and made his way inside the cemetery. The heavy silence hovering over the graves was like a weight on his heart. It made him think about the numerous times he had come to this place to visit his mother. But right now, he tried to concentrate on finding her. It didn't take him long to find the way back to her where he thought he could find her.

And there she was, sitting on a bench not far from where he knew her father's grave was. He couldn't help but think she looked beautiful, even though her hair was kind of a mess and her face looked strained. She was sitting back, hands curled on her lap, tired eyes looking into nothingness.

The last steps bringing him to her seemed to take way more effort than normal. He was terrified about what could happen next, what it would mean for them.

"Hey." He softly whispered as he stopped next to her, not wanting to scare her.

Caitlin slowly looked up at him and when their eyes met, one single tear rolled down her cheek. Barry wanted nothing more than to reach out and swipe it away, but he was afraid of her reaction.

"Can I sit there?" He asked in a hushed tone, pointing to the free spot next to her on the bench.

A very shy smile appeared on her lips as she barely nodded. It was enough for him to take place next to her. His heart swelled in his chest as she instantly shifted closer to him. He let one arm go around her shoulders so that she could lay her head against his, her hand going to play with his shirt.

They stayed like this for moment, without saying a single word, just watching the sun going down and the trees' shadows growing bigger over the graves.

"I'm sorry…" Caitlin finally whispered after what felt like hours.

Barry frowned. "For what?"

"For snapping at you like that this morning. And for walking out on you, on us." She explained in a murmur.

"Hey don't worry about that, you've got nothing to apologise for."

Carefully, she untangled herself from him and moved to face him. "Of course I do. I'm taking all my frustration and anger and guilt out on you, and I don't know how to stop it."

"I don't mind because I get it. I know how losing someone can make you cold and angry and mean. I don't mind as long you let me be there for you. Don't push me away. Just let me help you."

Biting her lower lip and avoiding his eyes, she slowly nodded. "I just…"

Barry waited for her to continue, but she didn't seem to find the right words to convey her feelings. "You just what?" He inquired softly, trying to show his support.

"I don't know what to do…" She croaked.

"And that's completely normal."

"No, it's not! Not for me!" She suddenly stood up, sending her arms in the air and puffing in annoyance. "I always know what to do. I'm always in control of the situation. I've always been good at handling things." She shuffled her feet to the ground before turning to her father's grave. She leaned over to rearrange the flowers she had brought. "Look at me, Barry!" She continued, almost choking on her words. "I lost my father but I still managed to graduate from university. I lost my fiancé and went on with my work. It's the first time in god knows how long, that I don't have a damn idea about what I'm doing. And I've been feeling like this for three months. I can't take it anymore."

His breath caught in his throat and his heart stopped beating. "What do you mean?"

"This, us, me here… What's the point? It's not getting me anywhere."

"The point of you being here?" He repeated, just to make sure he had heard her right. When she slightly nodded, he couldn't help but gape at her. "To heal, Cait. You came here to heal. To gain back the control over your life." He stated in a firm voice.

"Well that went great, right? I'm right back at square one." She snorted, spite infecting her tone.

"No you're not. You're a far cry from the broken mess you were when I saw you at Iris's café that first week."

She crossed her arms over her chest and raised a not-so-happy eyebrow. "Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"Cait…" He trailed off, not really knowing how to deal with this version of her he had rarely had the occasion to talk to. She was stubborn and not hearing any of his arguments. She was dismissing him as if she already knew his words would be useless to change her point of view.

"Who are we kidding, really?" She cut him off, her voice dripping from bitterness.

"Wh-What?"

"Look at us, Barry." Caitlin huffed, showing the space between them. "We're right at the same place we were 8 years ago."

"No we're not."

She rolled her eyes skyward. "Oh please. We're both ignoring the fact that we've been apart for 10 years and that things happened during that time apart. We're also ignoring that in one week I'll be back on a plane. We can't just live a blissful life just because we decided we did."

"Who says we can't?"

"Everything shouts it. Don't you hear it? I'm still a mess and sleeping with you isn't changing that."

"Could you…" Barry snapped and stopped himself before shouting the rest of his sentence at her. He let out a long huff of annoyance before taking a deep breath to calm himself down. "Could you please stop talking about us as if it were a simple booty call?" He finished in a softer voice.

Those words had the effect of a punch for Caitlin and she looked at him as if she had just realised he was there and had feelings too. "I… I'm sorry, you're right. But admit it, this isn't solving anything."

"I know…" Barry sighed, letting a hand run through his hair. "I just wish it could. I wish that me being here with you would fix everything. I wish I could take your pain away. I…"

"Barry…" She croaked as her eyes welled up.

He lifted his hand, asking her silently to let him finish his thought. "When I lost my mom, all I wanted to do was run to Central City and forget about everything that had happened. I just wanted to see you, hear your voice, feel your smile on my neck… I wanted to get back in the safety of your arms…"

A breath caught in her throat as a tear finally escaped the confine of her eye. "Why didn't you?"

"I was afraid." He explained carefully. "Afraid you had moved on. Afraid I wouldn't live up to your expectations. Afraid I wouldn't be good enough for you since I hadn't even managed to get a freaking diploma."

She gasped at his words, looking at him as if he had just grown a horn between his eyes. "How could you even think that? I was so in love with you that none of those things would have mattered, you know that."

"Maybe…" He shrugged, his eyes shifting to his hands resting on his lap. "But it didn't change the fact that my father needed me, that I would have felt guilty for being away, that you would've felt guilty for keeping me away. Fleeing Ryker Neve felt like the coward thing to do…"

"This is messed up…" Caitlin trailed off, her eyes scanning the graves around them.

A humourless chuckle stumbled down his lips. "Yeah it is… But I somehow knew this wouldn't be the end of our story. I stayed here, knowing that, someday, we'd find our way back to each other. Cait, you were the one thing constant in my life. The one thing I was always sure of. I knew that no matter what, no matter how long we were away, my feelings for you would never change."

His words brought her eyes back to him and she had to shake her head in disbelief. "Why are you so good to me, Barry Allen?"

He finally looked back at her. "Because you're amazing, and you deserve every ounce of my attention, Caitlin Snow."

She slammed her eyes shut and tears escaped freely, sliding down her face and ending on the floor. She tried to chase them away with her hand, but to no avail. So she opted in hugging herself instead. "Could you…" Her voice broke and she had to take a shaky breath before managing to continue. "Could you just hold me for awhile? Please?"

As if struck by lightning, Barry jumped on his feet and pulled her into his arms. "Of course. I'd do everything for you, Cait." He whispered, dropping a soft kiss on her hair.

Cautiously, he brought them back to the bench and they sat together in silence, in each other's arms, hands clutching the fabrics of their clothes. He had no idea how long they stayed like that. But when the darkness completely engulfed them and that he felt Caitlin shiver from the slight breeze, Barry knew it was time to get back.

Presenting her his hand, Barry softly whispered. "Let's go home."

Caitlin nodded before taking his hand and silently following him towards his car. A few minutes later and Barry was pulling up in front Caitlin's childhood home. The sound of gravel under the car's wheels seemed to bring her out of her reverie.

With surprised eyes, she looked around her before turning towards Barry. "What are you doing?" She wondered with a weak voice.

Barry frowned. "I'm bringing you home."

"Oh." Caitlin simply said before glancing back to the house resting under the shiny moon. "I thought we were going back to your place." She whispered without turning to him.

His heart squeezed when he realised she had associated the word 'home' with his place. Or maybe he was just making things up in his mind. "Well I thought you'd feel more comfortable here, with your mom and without me hovering around." He explained, trying to sound as neutral as possible.

She nodded without a word. For a short moment, she seemed to be considering her next move and Barry just let her mind work its magic. He wasn't going to push her out of his car, far from it. The longer she stayed with him, the better he felt.

Finally, she opened the door and stepped out of the car. His face fell and he felt like the car and ground under him were about to give away and he'd fall into an endless pit of suffering and misery.

But before he could wallow too long on his own predicament, Caitlin bowed down to look at him. "Could you wait for like a couple of minutes? I'll be right back."

A slight frown created a crease in between his eyebrows but a small smile managed to creep up his lips anyway. "Sure." He croaked back.

She nodded before turning back and going to her house. Barry watched her go and cut the engines off, knowing it would probably take her a bit more than a couple of minutes. He had no idea what she had planned, but he wasn't going contradict her.

About five minutes later, the front door of the Snow house opened and Caitlin stepped out on the porch with her mother. He watched the two of them exchange a few words before they hugged tightly. Barry noticed the small duffel bag that was dangling down her fingers.

After one last wave to her mother, Caitlin walked back towards the car, threw her bag in the back and took place in the passenger seat.

"Let's go." She whispered as a small and shy smile curled her lips up.

"Where?"

Her small hand travelled to his right one that was currently clutching at the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. He hadn't even realised he was doing it until Caitlin's soft fingers untangled his and soothed the pain away.

"Your apartment." She murmured when his met hers again.

Barry swallowed hard under the intensity of her stare and nodded slowly. And he then started the car. They stayed silent, hands tangled together above the gearstick, during the whole drive that connected her place to his.

Once in his apartment, they hovered around his living room, not really knowing what to do or how to come back from the tension between them. Barry went to the kitchen and brought back two glasses of water. Caitlin hadn't moved an inch.

She simply murmured a small "Thanks" when he handed her the glass.

"Are you hungry?"

She shook her head. "Not really."

The young man nodded in agreement. The lump in his throat would've ruined all kind of food he'd try to put in his system anyway. He then decided to act as normal as possible and to go about his evening like he would every other evening. About ten minutes later, he was sitting on the couch, sorting some of his paperwork. Every few seconds, he would glance at Caitlin, that was now sitting on the armchair not far from the door with an empty glass in her hand. She seemed completely immersed in her mind, not even noticing his presence.

He let a hand swipe down his face to try and take away some of his tiredness. He had no idea how he should act, what he should tell her, what he should do…

"You know you can talk to me, right?" He managed to say softly.

The simple nod she sent his way followed by complete silence was as effective as a hammer thumping down on his heart. He knew he had to let her have some time to deal with everything, but it was killing him to see her like that. He shook his head and went back to his paperwork even though it was the last thing his brain wanted to do right now.

"I can't lose you, Barry…" She suddenly whispered, the words falling down straight from her heart.

His eyes flew up to watch her again and his breath caught in his throat when he saw the fear written on her features. He jumped on his feet and joined her, kneeling in front of the armchair, putting one hand on hers. "You won't, Cait. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

She let her eyes run all over his face and she shook her head. "You can't promise that, Barry. You know that."

"Watch me." He insisted, squeezing her hand to accentuate his words.

"Barry…" She cocked her head to the side and looked at him lovingly, though her brows were knitted in a frown. "Don't you think Ronnie told me the exact same thing? That he wouldn't leave me anytime soon?" She pointed out with a strained voice. "I don't think I'd survive loosing you too."

His heart broke with hers. "I know… I… it's… it's just…" He stumbled on his words and he cursed himself for not being able to utter a single decent sentence. "I promise I won't leave you on my own free will. I'm in this for the long haul, Cait."

A sudden glint appeared in her eyes and he felt his heartbeat pick up at the sight. He instantly recognised it for what it was.

Hope.

And without a single warning, Caitlin grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him to her to crush his lips against hers into a bruising kiss.

After a few seconds of surprise, Barry's hands went to her waist and he leaned over her to bring her immensely close to him. His heart was beating like it was stumbling down the stairs, while all his senses seemed to be heightened and focused on the woman in his arms. The frailty of her body, the feel of her clothes against his fingers, her nose bumping against his every few seconds, her teeth nipping on his lower lip, her tongue soothing the bruises away, her hands gripping at him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She repeated in between kisses, her hands going from his chest to the back of his neck to keep him close to her.

"Stop apologising." He mumbled against her lips. "Your behaviour is completely normal."

"Still…" Caitlin whispered as she slightly pulled away to rest her forehead against his. "You don't deserve to be treated like that."

"Cait, it's okay. I can handle it." He reassured her, one hand going to stroke her hair and cheek, eyes diving in her hazel-brown world. "As long as it means you're healing. You won't get rid of me that easily."

He felt her grip on the back of his neck tightened itself as she expelled a shaky breath. "I'm just really, really, scared."

"I know…." He softly replied, putting every ounce of his soul in those two words, trying to convey how much he meant them. "But I'll be there every step of the way, if you want me to. I won't go anywhere as long as your good sense still wants to have me around, me and my awkward and rambly personality."

That earned him a small chuckle from the young doctor and Barry felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest. That sound was the most beautiful thing he had heard in a long time. But then he had no idea what was waiting for him.

Her chuckle died down and a small tuck on his neck brought their faces back together. "God, I think I'm falling in love with you again." She suddenly whispered against his lips.

Barry choked on the snarky remark he had been about to deliver. He pulled away to seriously look into her eyes. "Wh-what?"

Her lips curled up into the earnest smile he had seen all day long. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of having you around."

He inhaled a sharp breath. "That's… that's not what you said…"

"I know." She smiled sweetly, eyes shining with happiness – a far cry from the state she had been in a few moments before. "What I said was, you're a wonderful and amazing man that I should've never let go. I'm tired of pushing you away because I always seem to find my way back to you. So what's the point of fighting this?" She arched a sly brow. "Oh and also, I think I'm falling in love with you again, Barry Allen."

Hadn't he been kneeling on the floor, he was pretty sure his wobbly legs would have given away under the weight of his body. "You mean that?" He croaked, still not believing her words.

"I do, with all my heart." Caitlin's heart soared when she heard his breath catch in his throat at her words. "I can't promise I'll be all sunshine and roses from now on, because I still have some things to deal with. But I want you with me, Barry. I don't know where I'm going or what the future holds, but I sure hope you'll be there with me to discover it. I plan on falling completely and irrevocably in love with you and I'm pretty sure I'm already close to that."

When she stopped talking, she suddenly realised Barry hadn't said a single word to interrupt her or even make a sly comment. He just looked at her dumbstruck, round-eyed, mouth agape. With delicate fingers, she traced down the line of his hair until she reached his chin and she then slowly brought his face to hers, softly applying her lips to his in the most delicate kiss ever.

And it seemed to jolt him awake.

Without a warning, Barry stood up, while slinging an arm under her knees and the other around her waist to lift her up with him. A shriek of surprise escaped her mouth as she instantly threw her arms around his neck and secured her position by wrapping her legs around his waist. He stopped the sound by kissing her.

And then he made a move to change location. At least he tried.

"What are you doing?" Caitlin mumbled in between kisses.

"Bedroom." He simply groaned against her lips, making her chuckle.

She tried to shake her head. "No. Couch." She moaned before fusing their lips back together.

He didn't need more to rush to the couch, carefully laying her down and following after. What he didn't expect her to do was to invert their position so that she would be the one on top, trailing kisses down his jaw, neck and going towards his chest as she began unbuttoning his shirt.

God, this woman would be the death of him.

But he loved her so much that he didn't mind a bit…

A/N: This chapter wasn't easy to write... it's heavy in emotions and dialogues and I hope I did okay :) Until next time!