(Show a dark abyss till a arm pops out from the ground and then shows Unkown crawling out of the ground spitting out dirt that they got in there mouth.)
Unkown: Hey Everyone! First Of I'm Really Sorry I Haven't Updated In A Couple of Months But Well I'll Be Completely Honest I Got Lazy. Yes I Have No Other Excuse But That I Got Lazy And Addicted To Undertale, If You Haven't Heard Of It Check It Out. Also Saw The Final Episode For Gravity Falls And It Was Awesome I'm Happy That They Got A Good Ending A Little Sad It Didn't Go To Season 3 But I Get It That Something's Have To End Before People Get Sick Of Seeing It Over And Over Again Like The Ugh Walking Dead For Example Plus I Also Saw The Final Episode For RWBY Volume 3 And OMG Why! (Unkown begins to gain the feel for what had happened in the Season 3 Final Episode.)
Ok Than Story Time! (Unkown pointing in a random direction to distract you then jumps down hole they made clawing their way out of the ground.)
Chapter 3: I Barf The Rainbow, Sir Douchbage's Crushed Pride, And NO LEARNING IT BURNS!
"Fucking hell of a no good motherfucker of a shit piece of shit this goddame hurts!" Sir Douchbage hissed as he put Spider walls drink on his crotch trying to ease the pain from its coldness as he sat on the floor with his back on the wall and hands holding the drink with his head down.
"You sure you don't need to go to the infirmary Jack?" Walling Spiders ask with a bit of concern and amusement as he sat next to Sir Douchbage confirming that they are gay for one another even if they try to deny it.
"And come back with a squirrel for a dick and fish eyes for testicles no fucking thanks!" Sir Douchbage half yelled half hissed in a pissed off voice but what else is new?
Oh I couldn't let this opportunity pass up. "Aw I think you would look great with a squirrel dick Sir Douchbage, after all it would be bigger~" I said between stuffing my face of Rainbow Doritos chips and coca-cola soda don't ask me why it exist here though because that will just confuse the fuck out of you.
"I hope you chock on those you little shit!"
I just laugh at that, I'm mean really what are the odds of tha-
"Hickka!"
Oh shit I'm chocking.
I reach up to my throat tying to do something like barf up the stuff or try to church the chips in my throat. Wait wouldn't that cut my throat open or something?
Heh Sir Douchbage and Wallmans face are really funny right now.
Even if the black spots are kind of blocking my vision.
Oh my god, I'm going to die before I have a chance to fuck anything up.
This sucks like Sir Douchbage future squirrel dick!
"Oh fuck I didn't mean it latterly!" Sir Douchbage yelled and tried to get up but let out a girly whine before griping his crotch again in agony. Wimp!
"What do we do, what do we do, WHAT DO WE DO!" Spiderwall yelled and whooped his head left to right while griping his helmet.
How about you give me the HEIMLICK!
"Give him the Heimlich!" That's what I thought!
"WHY WOULD HIM LICKING HELP!?" Wha?
"HEIMLICK NOT HIMLICK YOU FUCKING MORON!" Are you on drugs spider wall man?
"IM STILL NOT SURE WHAT HIM LICKING WOULD HELP AT ALL!?" WHY THE FUCK IS HE SAYING HIM (Sudden realizations like when you realize you grandparents still have sex even if there so wrinkly, missing all their teeth, and apparently one of the reasons they break their hips is from it!)-oh my fucking god...
Sir Douchbage must of came to the same conclusion as me because he was looking at Spiderswall or atlas I think he did the black spots just block out his face.
"FUCK YOU DON'T KNOW THE WORD HEIMLICK HERE DO YOU, GODDAME FUCKING LAUGHUADE BARRIER!" Yeah! Wait did I just say that any language that not English. (Is it the English language we talking here? I can't fuck tell it all sound English though, you know what fuck it I'm dying right now so this shit can wait.)
Oh right Spidermans Wall was raised in Wutai he probably doesn't know a couple of words or some shit and of course Heimlich wouldn't be one of them.
Well their completely useless guess I have to go the hard way to save myself cuz like fuck I'm going to die before I cut off Hojo's left testicle.
'Shit this is going to hurt!' I thought as I stood up and quickly ran at the bed before hitting my stomach against the middle of the bed making me vomit on it and forcing me back on the ground clenching my stomach.
I have tasted the rainbow and it made me barf.
'Motherfucker this hurt!' I thought as I ground at the pain while stating to sit up as Spiders man wall came over checking me over like a mother goose after she chases you away from walking too close to their baby I mean fuck back in my old life I still had that scar on my left leg from when I was seven when I was force to visit my cosine twice removed duck farm though it was a pretty sweet looking scar it still fucking hurt though.
He then grabbed me in a hug like he thought I was going to die of something (like I'll let that happen so soon) and started to talk really fucking fast, wait what's that coming out of his helmet, is it? Oh my fucking god he's crying, shit what do I do when a grown mans crying from not being super drunk or having there balls being stomped on.
He talked while trying to not chock on his words "Goddess you scared me there don't you ever do that again ohpleasepleasePLEASEneverdothatagain!" OK I understood somewhat half of it maybe but then it just started to sound like when my older brother talks to me like thing of responsibility and get my feet of the table.
"Um ok? There there?" I really suck at conferring ok. I mean I'm the person who says 'That sucks.' when someone tells me someone they know dies.
"By the Goddess saggy tits you scared us there you brat, thought we were going to have to deal with fucking creepo boss there for a seconded." Sir Douchbage said with annoyance but I think there was a bit of relief in there too maybe.
I couldn't help but smile and reply "Aw, so you do have a heart under all that Douchness, Sir Douchbage." After that I grimaced at the way my voice sounded and how fucking much it hurt.
"Why don't you go chock on you vomit, little piece of shit."
"Ha ha ha whatever you say but you know you love me."
It hurts to laugh though.
"Ok Ok you two break it up" Spidery Wally's said as he finally allowed himself to pull away from his goose hug and stood up in front of me.
Oh god he's going to give me a lecture isn't he.
Good thing I got practice to bloke him out from my older brothers lectures!
"Bla bla bla safety bla bla bla care about you bla bla bla chew slower bla bla bla crushing the balls of somebody bla bla bla"
Ugh some of his lectures words are leaking through, it would be much better listening to like thirteen cats in heat then this shit.
Oh good he's done now I can start immediately ignore everything he said before and do it again if it was fun.
"Now let's check on you Jack." He turned around and went to Sir Douchbage leaning on the wall with the drink still press to his crotch.
"'Sigh' let's just get this over with" Guess he doesn't want to be lectured too, I know your pain Sir Douchbage even if you are kind of an asshole.
Wall guard sat next to Sir Douchbage and lifter his pant a little.
My Yaoi senses are going crazy.
...I didn't even know I had those...
"Don't worry I'm sure it not that…" he trailed of when he looked down.
"What?"
"…You never wanted kids Jack right?" Oh…
"…Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me…" Oh god…
""PFF HAHAHAHA" Oh my god I think I busted a lung BUT SO FUCKING WORTH IT!
"IM GOING TO KILL YOU!" Sir Douchbage yelled at me and tried to get up but failed and was hold back by Wally's Spider while I did the 'come at me bro' sign at him.
Fucking hurt when he throw his boot at me though.
I'm A Line I'm A Line I'm A Line I'm A Line I'm A Line I'm A Line Oh Oh Oh OHHH I'm A Line Yyyaaahhhh
After the commotion died down and I got new bed sheets we went back to what we were original going to do Sir Douchbage eating his ham, anchovies, and mayo sandwich (…Gross…) with a ice bag on his crotch now, Spiders Wall eating his Chocobo sandwich (There not just for riding apparently so in the words of Ruby from Rwby 'Birdie, no!' or something like that.) while sharing the drink that had been on Sir Douchbage crotch with him and I'm eating the chips and coca-cola granted a bit slower.
I rather screw with everybody minds before it die anytime soon.
"Hey spider guard you never finish that story about what happen to Lan Green or why you didn't cause a war after punching the director in the face!" I still haven't heard the full story so I might as well get it now.
Sir Douchbage and Wall Spider-Man's face look shocked for a moment before Sir Douchbage face that I could see shifted in to anger as he crush the soda in his hand and turn to look at Spider Wall-Mans face tying to play off as innocent by looking to the side and whistling.
"Charlie you fucking told him!"
"Em…Well…Err…Kind of?"
"What the fuck? Just what the fuck were you thinking?"
"I…Ah…Wasn't?"
Sir Douchbage just puts his head down into his hands and shakes his head while groaning like a little bitch.
"You know what fuck it lets tell him." Huh look like Sir Douchbage has final given up today.
Spiders Man looks at Sir Douchbage in surprised.
"Really?"
"Sure why the fuck not."
Man spider suddenly gained a serious look that kind of looks like he's constipated to me and turned to look me.
"Ok, Entropy just remember this stays between the three of us if you dare tell another person then ill curse you to always have the taste Hojo paste flavor food in all your food for the rest of your life."
I couldn't help but gasp at that "You wouldn't."
Oh God That Smirk "Oh wouldn't I?"
Why?!
Why?
Why…?
Why is it kind of sexy looking?
I mean his entire face isn't even shown?!
And he's apart of a fucking fiction world!
Granted I'm now apart of that fiction world to but that's beside the point!
I quickly shook my head and then nodded it after all this is FFVII if there's a way to turn people into frogs then there's a way to curse someone to only have the taste of one food flavor for the rest of your life.
And like hell I'll let that be Hojo's food.
"Well you see remember when I was talking about the traitor in the group before? Well that was Lan Green but you probably guessed that already huh so ill move on from there-" So he's going to skip that for Sir Douchbage and isn't going to explain it to me...eh I'll allow it. "-the reason I didn't lucky case a war, thank goddess for that, was because lucky at the same time it was exposed that Varin Cater was apparently exploiting money from the company and was a fuc-fuging ped-bad man."
"Oh for the love of Odin's saggy left testicle you can fucking curse in front of him I mean by the goddess hidden dick he's bound to know so much fucking worse then what I know that's for sure."
"It true Crawling spider wall."
Crawling Walls look at me with annoyance "ok we are going to have a talk about those nicknames one day and Jack my mom raised me better then that!" he paused for a second after that before continuing. "Well the maids did actually since mom couldn't take care of me at the time and dad had dropped me those couple of times because of his hand tremor and one time for trying to reenact that lion king scene with the cliff but that beside the point!" (That explains so mush.)
"Ok ok let's get this fucking over with Charlie I want to finish eating before more fuck up shit happens to us."
"Okay then so anyway Varin Carter was a bad man-" He means that he was a fucking pedophile from what he was going to say before he chicken out. "-and when this was learn it was only a few hours after I punch him but if I had known at the time you can be da-darn sure that I would have ripped his fu-never mind anyway after it was discovered, I was pardon from that crime and was let off with a warning thankfully."
"Well that's pretty nice to not be known as the one how started a war, I guess." Course it would be one hell of a way to get in the history books. I can picture it now 'This man caused a war by punching someone in the face for being a dick.' That would have been a fun lesson to learn back in my past school.
You know that kind of sounds like something I would do...
...Maybe ill do it some day, maybe.
He gave a nerves smiled at that and look to be sweating a little at that before he started again.
"Y-yeah well I rather never be known as the one that brought war to where I live but when I heard him talking about his solider like that well I just thought of it as a great dishonor for a leader to not truly care for his soldiers and by the time I realized what happen my fist was already meeting his cheek. Thank the goddess that it didn't reach home that I punch him or my mom may just kill me!" He then scratches his cheek in a nerves way when he mentioned his mom.
Oh well I can tor-I mean ask...you know what asking doesn't sound as much as torture, so I'll torture the answer out of him later if I don't forget but right now it's time to find out who this mystery person Rei Shinra is.
"But wait who is Rei Shinra exactly?"
"'Rai Shinra well as I said before she's my little cousin from my mom side of the family Kisaragi, Rai's mother was my aunt but she unfortunately died a while ago so Rai is currently living with her father President Shinra and from what I heard a little brother name Rufus. Actually she's the one that exposed to every one of Varin Carters crimes, not sure on the detail though." He finished with a hint of pride in his voice.
"That's pretty cool."
Now it time to ask a life changing question that I never thought or want ted to before in my old life.
I made my face turn serious when I look at wall spiders man who look like he was about to laugh at my face. (I'll smash his balls if he does.)
"Wall spiders of the fourth dimension, I want you to train me to be able to jump walls like a boss."
I still can't believe I'm basically asking for exercise willingly ugh, if my brothers saw me actually asking that in real life I'm sure that they would have a double heart attacks or something like that. But hell I'm in final fantasy where you could die any minute and I'm going to have to deal with going to the Wutai war, so yeah better to learn now then later when I'm basically run threw a god dame sword.
Spider wall of the eight dimension look confused as he stared at me. "...Jump walls? Oh you mean you want me to train you in the way of a ninja…why?"
"Oh because I'm someday I'm probably going to save the world from an alien squid thingy, maybe." Might as well give the truth of why I need it, right?
Both Wall spider of the first dimension and Sir Douchbage look at me with wide eyes (I think, again masks) and then at each other before back at me.
Sir Douchbage asks me first. "…And exactly why do you know that?"
"Oh because I am a reincarnated from a world where you guys were all video game characters and the alien space bitch was one of the main boss's that you had to defeat."
Sir Douchbage just look at me in silence before replying. "…Ok sure." Sir Douchbage then leans over to Wall-spider of the ninth diminution and whispered. "This kid is fucking insane."
SpiderWall replied to him. "Well he was raised by Hojo or all people."
"You know I can here you pricks, right…"
They both quickly stop and turned to me while Sir Douchbage decided now would be the perfect time to continue his lunch, SpiderWall was looking at me as if decided of something or if he was constipated.
"Ok I'll teach you."
"You will!" "You are?!"
Then Spider-wall of the seventh dimension holds up his right hand.
"But I'll only teach you speed none of the wall jumping or anything like that."
I made a face at that. I mean really I would have been cool if I could jump walls. "Ugh ok" But out know what fuck it I'm learning something after all, plus he was pretty fast when dodging the Draigourish.
"And I'm going to teach you the Wutai language."
Oh god LEARNING ONE OF MY MANY WEAKNESS, NO!
Before I could say anything he continued. "And if you don't agree to these demands that I won't teach you."
"Fuuuccck fine." God dame it school all over again, you know now that I think about it dying might be better than this.
Don't think I don't see you laughing over there Sir Douchbage!
"Ok than start by doing fifty suicides run while saying the Wutai ABC song now it goes like this…"
Well atlas it will hope hopefully be useful.
But still LEARNING SUCKS!
And Done Wow This Chapter Was A Tuffie To Write Sorry If It's Not Really Good And Again I'm Sorry About It Being Late Anyway I Will Hopefully Will Update It Sooner Now Though Well Bye And Please Review.