I Couldn't Let You Die
Final Chapter
Chapter 26"Mrs. Carlin-Davies you're back. Did you get any rest at all?" The CCU nurse asked.
"No, I wanted to get back as soon as possible. How is my wife doing?"
"She's still stable. So far she hasn't rejected the heart. We've passed the halfway point, a few more hours will tell. But Dr. Greene will tell you that. Anyway, the room is set up for you. Just press the call button if you need anything."
"Thank you Nurse Wells."
"I'll be your wife's nurse for tonight so don't hesitate to call me."
Ashley laid down on the cot provided by the hospital but couldn't sleep. For hours she just stared at her wife laying so still, watching her chest rise and fall. At least that way she could tell that Spencer was still alive.
Ashley got up off the cot and moved the chair close to Spencer's bed, laying her head next to her wife's hand and eventually sleep took over.
Spencer opened her eyes to see sun shining in her room, but it wasn't her and Ashley's bedroom.
Hmm! She couldn't think straight where's Ashley, where's the baby? What is that beeping noise I keep hearing and why does my throat hurt? So many questions and I don't know the answer to any of them.
Looking down Spencer sees Ashley's head lying down by her hand. She raises her hand and rakes her hand through Ashley's hair.
Hmm! Ashley moans.
Spencer begins to stroke her wife's hair. "Hmm! Spence…" than Ashley remembers where she was and jumps up looking into the bluest eyes she's ever seen shine in Spencer's eyes.
"Oh my God! Spencer you're awake." Ashley presses the call button and Nurse Wells comes in.
"Yes, Mrs. Carlin-Davies how…"
"My wife is awake, get Dr. Greene please."
"Yes, right away."
"Spencer, Spencer," Ashley says over and over squeezing Spencer's hand, rubbing her hand along Spencer's cheek. "You're going to be okay Spence, Dear God. I love you so much."
Spencer gives a weak smile towards her wife.
"Okay! What do we have," Dr. Greene said, walking into Spencer's room. "Good morning Spencer. We're going to take that out in a few minutes just be patient. Get it…be patient. Ha ha!"
Spencer smiles at Dr. Greene's attempt at humor, Ashley rolls her eyes. Oh brother! She thought.
"Okay Ashley would you stand outside just for a few minutes while we take the respirator tube out."
"Alright Dr. Greene."
"Okay Spencer when I say cough, cough and give me a good one. Okay on three. One, two, three cough." Spencer coughs but it hurt like hell. "Aww! Hurts my chest hurts," Spencer said her throat hoarse.
"Relax Spencer, Nurse Wells will you get some pain medication and administer it to you. Nurse Wells will you get the pain medication now?"
"Yes Dr. Greene, right away."
"Okay Ashley you can come back in."
"Ash…" Spencer tried to say clearing her throat. "I'll have the nurse bring you some ice chips to wet your throat Spencer. No eating or drinking yet. You just had major surgery. I'm going to take your vitals than let you visit with your wife. Okay?"
Spencer nods yes.
/
It's been one week since Spencer's heart transplant and she is still unaware that she now has her mother's heart. Ashley and Arthur are visiting Spencer in her room along with Dr. Greene.
"Spencer I wanted to send you to rehab but you're doing so well I think we can let you go home in another two weeks or so. I can arrange for a nurse to make visits to your home and monitor your vitals."
"That would be great Dr. Greene. Since I'm doing so well Dr. Greene, I'd like to thank the family who lost their loved one, so I could get their heart. What was their name? Were they male or female?" Spencer asked looking at Ashley than Dr. Greene.
"Umm… don't worry about that now Spencer. Just work on getting better so your wife can take you home. It's only been a week since the transplant."
"Spencer Dr. Greene is right we can deal with that later. Your little munchkin is missing her momma," Ashley said nervously.
"I know, but I still would like to thank the family, so they won't think I'm ungrateful. Did you meet them Ashley, dad?"
Ashley holds her head down than looks at Dr. Greene for help. Arthur remained quiet but moved closer to Ashley for moral support.
Dr. Greene shrugged his shoulders. "Ashley your wife is very persistent. I guess we've postponed the inevitable as long as we could. Ashley I think you should tell her. I'll get the nurse to prepare the sedative."
"Sedative? What do I need a sedative for Dr. Greene?"
"Spencer…"
"So who's heart did I get," Spencer asked now suspicious of the answer.
"Spencer you were dying. When you collapsed your heart had practically given out. When we got you to the hospital they had to put you in a medically induced coma to keep you alive until they could prepare you and the heart for surgery."
"Spencer…" Ashley takes a deep breath… "Spencer I couldn't lose you when we had a perfectly good heart ready to be used."
"Ashley who…does…my heart belong too?" Spencer asked knowing she was going to regret hearing the answer.
"They didn't have a heart available Spencer. We were running out of time."
"Ashley who!…"
"It's your mother's heart."
"Oh God! No! No!" Spencer presses her head back against her pillow, squeezing her eyes tightly shut, moving her head from side to side, sobbing. "Please God no! I can't have that evil bitch's heart in my chest," Spencer said as she continued to cry.
Dr. Greene presses the call button. "Yes, Dr. Greene."
"Bring in the sedative for Mrs. Carlin-Davies. Ashley we need to sedate her. It's too early for Spencer to be getting overly excited. I need to quiet her down so she doesn't overly tax the heart."
"Okay Dr. Greene," Ashley said as she sat on the edge of the bed hugging her wife tightly. "Please Spencer don't hate me. We didn't know what else to do. Let a healthy matching heart go and let you die or give you the life Paula wanted so badly to take away from us. Us… Spencer… you, me and Sydney. You remember your daughter? Now she'll still has two mommies, because Paula's heart was healthy and a match."
"Spencer, I'm going to sedate you now. You're going to sleep awhile. Ashley will be here with you while you sleep. I need you to rest your heart. You're going to feel sleepy in a few minutes just let it happen and we'll finish this discussion when you wake up. Okay?"
Spencer nods her head yes, closes her eyes and goes to sleep.
Spencer's mind drifts into a dreamlike state. Spencer is standing some distance away, watching Ashley who looks to be in her early thirties walking around a dark and desolate mansion. "Ashley" she calls out, but Ashley doesn't hear her. Ashley goes through the door that leads to the recording studio. This is our home, Spencer says why is it so quiet and dark. Look at the dust that has built up on the console. "Ashley what's the matter? Ashley can you hear me?" Spencer watches Ashley as she leans back in the main console chair and begins to cry.
"Ashley…" Spencer is now yelling, "where's our little munchkin? Where's Sydney? Why can't you hear me Ashley?"
The phone rings and Spencer notices that Ashley just stares at it. Pick the phone up Ashley, see who it is, Spencer says. Ashley finally picks it up. "Hello. Hey Arthur, what can I do for you?"
"Ashley honey, are you picking up Sydney today? She's been with us for a week now. She misses her mommy."
Why is little Sydney with my father, Spencer says to herself.
"I'm sorry Arthur for putting Sydney on you. Yes, I'll pick her up tonight. Let me talk to her."
"Hello my little munchkin, mommy misses you."
"I miss you too mommy when are you coming to pick me up?"
"Mommy still has something to do, but mommy loves you very, very much. Okay!"
"Okay mommy here's grandpa." "Ashley will we see you this evening?"
Ashley looks at the bottles in her hand. "Yes, Arthur you will be seeing me. Goodbye and thank you for everything."
Spencer takes a closer look at the bottles in her wife's hand. One bottle reads Valium and the other reads some sort of sleeping pills. Ashley gets up and walks out of the studio towards the bedroom she and Spencer shared during happier times. Spencer watches Ashley sit on the edge of the bed and open both bottles.
I know what you're going to do Ashley, don't do it. Spencer looks around to grab something that will get Ashley's attention. But there is nothing, Spencer is helpless.
Ashley puts one bottle of pills in her hand and takes them. She grabs the other bottle and takes those pills followed by what Spencer thought was water. But it was a glass of vodka.
ASHLEY NO!! Spencer said now crying. Ashley… no. Spencer moves to sit next to Ashley's body now lying peacefully on their bed. She hears Ashley whispering, "I'm so sorry Spencer I didn't want you to die. I knew you didn't want your mother's heart inside of you and they couldn't fine another in time so I let you die. I can't live without you another day. It's been five years and I still miss you desperately. Forgive me."
Spencer looks over at the nightstand and sees a worn obituary. She reads, in loving memory of Spencer M. Carlin-Davies. Oh my God! She let me die because she knew I wouldn't be able to live with having my mother's heart inside of me. Look what I drove her to do. She's leaving our little munchkin motherless, all because of my selfishness.
ASHLEY DON'T DO THIS, WAKE UP. PLEASE! FORGIVE ME, I DIDN'T MEAN TO PUT YOU THROUGH THIS. ASHLLEEEYY!
Ashley's been watching Spencer toss and turn for the past fifteen minutes. Sometimes Spencer is moaning, sometimes she's whispering her name. One time she softly yelled Ashley's name. Ashley calls for the nurse.
"Yes, Mrs. Carlin-Davies."
"Why is my wife so restless when she was given a sedative?"
"She's probably dreaming, sometimes when something is so disturbing to us the sedative invades our subconscious where it tries to work things out. Just hold her and let her know you're there."
"Spencer… Spencer it's alright. Wake up, I'm right here," Ashley was saying softly in Spencer's ear.
"Ashley…"
"I'm right here Spencer… say something. Talk to me," Ashley pleads. Still holding tightly to Spencer, Ashley whispers in her wife's ear, "I couldn't let you die. I love you too much. Spencer please… don't let my decision to save your life go in vain. Spencer we need you here." Ashley said now sobbing heavily against her wife's shoulder.
Spencer says nothing, but responds by holding her wife tighter. "Don't cry Ashley, I understand your reasoning. I would have done the same thing if it meant saving your life. I just need time to adjust to the fact my mother is still apart of me… of us. Alright Ashley… I need time."
/
Because an infection had developed Spencer had to stay in the hospital a few more weeks. So after four weeks Spencer was allowed to go home.
"Spencer there's nothing else we can do for you here. You've got a clean bill of health and can go home to be with your family. How does that sound?" Dr. Greene said.
"Great, thank you Dr. Greene. I'll be glad to get home and sleep in my own bed."
"Dr. Greene are there any instructions to let Spencer know what she can and cannot do?" Ashley asked.
"Well not really, go back to your normal routine. Don't overdo anything for the next three weeks."
"Umm… doctor what about … sex," Ashley bashfully asked.
"Oh! Yes! Sex, of course," Dr. Greene said eyeing the two ladies. "Well you can cuddle, make out a little. Nothing too strenuous now. After the three weeks you should be able to return to a complete and fulfilling sex life. No holds barred, hot and heavy panting, sweaty, all consuming sex session."
"We get the idea Dr. Greene," both ladies said blushing profusely.
"Good!" Dr. Greene said smiling at Spencer and Ashley. "Spencer you have a healthy heart that is working fine, use it. I'll see you in a month for your checkup. Goodbye."
/
Three weeks went by and Spencer was doing fine. She went back to work teaching and running the English department at Princeton. Ashley left her job as Dean to stay home and raise Sydney and concentrate on her music. Mrs. Garth stayed on as nanny to Sydney.
The bedroom that Spencer and Ashley slept in is no longer used. Spencer and Ashley found it difficult to go back into the bedroom so they locked it up, only going in to clean the dust the cobwebs.
/
Epilogue…3 years later
Spencer and Ashley are still blissfully happy. Paula's name never comes up in conversations and nothing is said about the heart transplant. Spencer is still the same pleasant, easy going person she always was except that she spoils all four of her children.
Spencer and Ashley now have four children: Sydney is four years old, Bruce and Byron (twins) are two years old, and Athena is six months. Mrs. Garth resigned from Nick's Protection Agency to work for the Carlin-Davies family full-time, now that she has enough children to make a classroom which sometimes includes Glen's children.
Arthur and Heather make frequent trips to Spencer and Ashley's home to spend time with the grandchildren, along with Glen's family who also have a second child now two years old.
Everyone still meets on Sunday at Arthur and Heather's home for the family dinner.
Ashley has several music groups she produces and writes music for.
Life is good for the Carlin-Davies Clan…so far.
Author's Note: This is the final chapter. I want to thank each and everyone of you who that took the time to read and/or review my story. I enjoyed writing this one. Thanks again.