CHAPTER 11

It had been two days and Olivia was still not talking, about anything. She asked him to hold her, and told him she was sorry, and that was the extent of it. What he wanted more than anything was to help her, but he didn't know how. He knew how to handle rape victims, he dealt with them everyday; but when it came to Olivia being one, he was clueless.

She was sleeping during the day, and crying most of the night. When she was sleeping she was constantly tossing and turning mumbling things that scared the hell out of him. She was barely eating, and she was also not taking her pain medication. This worried him because he could actually see how much pain she was in. It was as if she wanted to be in that pain, like she needed it just to know she was alive.

By day four of this he was ready to call the Captain. He needed help on this one. Maybe Casey would be a better choice. Maybe she would talk to Casey woman to woman. He ran his hands through his short hair trying to figure out what he was going to do. He just kept praying that they were going to get the call from Porter saying they had White and they could go home.

EOEOEOEOEO

She knows she is worrying him, she knows this, yet she can't stop it. It's killing her watching him knowing that he felt powerless, especially when she knows she is the pain for his grief. If only she could get a Goddamn grip and talk to him about it maybe it wouldn't be so bad. She's afraid that he is going to regret coming here with her. She keeps waiting for him to tell her that he is leaving.

She rolled over on the bed and weighed out her options. If only she could just remember! God why couldn't she remember? What if she was worrying for nothing? What if nothing even happened and she was acting like a baby? She could feel White's lips on her neck though…and she could smell his disgusting, horrendous breath like he was next to her. She shuddered just thinking about it.

Everyday she remembers a tiny bit more, but nothing that says, 'yes Olivia he did rape you'. The latest memory was his mouth on her breast, followed by her scream when she realized he had sliced through her skin and was licking the blood that poured out. He played with the other breast while he sucked the blood out of the other one. What a sick fuck!

She turned over again her thoughts moving on to Simon. She missed him. She wanted to know if he screamed when he died. Did he know it was her fault that White went after him? Was it slow? Did he torture him? She thought about calling Melinda and asking her about the autopsy report but she wasn't going to put Elliot's life in danger.

She shuttered from the cold air that hit her skin when she got out of the warm bed. She pulled on one of Elliot's sweatshirts that was lying on across a chair and walked out to the living room, "Hey," She said softly when she spotted him sitting on the couch.

His eye's lit up when he saw her, "Hey," She sat down next to him on the couch and cuddled herself to him. He placed his arm around her and pulled her even closer, "Did you sleep ok?"

Olivia sighed and intertwined her hand with his, "No," she whispered, not bothering to lie to him. She felt him kiss her head, "I'm sorry I'm such a mess, you should just get as far away from me as--"

"Olivia, quit apologizing. This isn't your fault. You are not a mess; you are going through a hard time right now. Don't you know that there isn't anything you could do that would make me turn away from you? I'm here for you, Liv. Every step of the way." He raised their joined hands and kissed hers softly, "There is no other place I would rather be."

EOEOEOEOEOEO

"There's a Sabres game on ESPN at 7:30, care to watch it with me?" He asked as they sat at the dinning room table eating dinner. He smiled at her because she was actually eating, and talking. It was the best he had seen her in the past few days and he was relieved.

"I would love too," She said smiling at him taking another bite of her grill cheese, "Is there beer in the fridge? We gotta have beer while watching the game." She said with a wink.

He wishes they were back in New York. Olivia had the hockey package and got all the hockey games. When they actually weren't working they would grab some brews and watch them at her apartment. It was a nice way to relax after a tough case, "Yup. I saw a couple of cases in the basement. Hope Papa Novak doesn't mind." He said with a smile and Olivia laughed.

"Thank you for being so wonderful, Elliot. I'm sorry I have been distant these past few days and shutting you out, that wasn't my intention."

Elliot got up from his chair and stood behind Olivia's rubbing her shoulders, "That sounded like another apology Liv," He joked, "You know you can tell me anything, right? I will never judge you, or think less of you. You know that right?"

She tilted her head to the side and felt his lips graze the back of her neck. She lifted her hand and placed it on top of his, "Yes, Elliot. I know I can tell you anything. Just give me some time, okay?"

"All the time in the world, Liv. All the time in the world."

EOEOEOEOEOEO

"SCOOOOOOOOOORE!" The Sabres announcer Rick Jeanneret shouted as Paul Gaustad scored the tie breaking goal. They were snuggling on the couch drinking beer and for awhile Olivia had forgotten about all the stress she was dealing with.

Olivia and Elliot both cheered and Elliot was happy to see a genuine smile on her face, "That's my boy!" She yelped. It was no secret that Olivia had the biggest crush on number 28. She had an autograph photo of him that sat on her desk.

Elliot wrapped his arms around her, "I thought I was your boy?" He teased as he placed a kiss on her cheek, only she turned her head so that his lips landed smack dab on her lips. She opened her mouth to him and kissed him firmly.

He missed her lips on his. They hadn't kissed in four days and Elliot was beginning to doubt their new found relationship. However that doubt faded as her lips trailed over his and took complete control over his mouth. Her hands reached up and cupped his face while his danced through her hair.

Hearing her moan into his mouth Elliot gently leaned against her and caused them to fall backwards on the couch. Once Olivia realized that Elliot was on top of her, her heart began to race. When she felt his hand mound her breast she began to panic. Images of White came flooding into her head and she couldn't turn them off. She kept telling herself that it was just Elliot, but it wasn't working.

Her eyes opened widely, fear prominent in them. She heard her self telling Elliot to get off of her in a voice that was not hers. Elliot quickly jumped off of her, "Oh my god are you ok? I'm so sorry Olivia. I shouldn't have done that."

Olivia just looked at him and cried. She pulled herself into his lap and placed her head on his shoulder. Elliot didn't know what to make of this. He obviously did something to freak her out, but at least she knows he wasn't trying to hurt her, he thought while rubbed her back sympathetically.

They stayed like that for awhile before Elliot decided to press her into talking to him, "Olivia, please talk to me. Tell me what is going on in that beautiful head of yours." He said kissing her forehead.

Olivia nodded, "You're going to think I'm so stupid--" She began but Elliot cut her off.

"You are not stupid, Olivia."

"It's just…I don't remember much, and what I do remember I don't like," She said tears making their way down her face, "I remember him being on top of me…touching me…kissing me," Dead, fucking dead, was all Elliot could think, "And I remember him cutting open my chest and licking the blood with this sick, twisted grin on his face. God! It makes me feel so disgusting, Elliot." She choked out, sobbing into his chest.

Elliot squeezed her gently, "Olivia I'm so, so, so sorry." He said as he rocked her in his arms, "You are being so brave."

"What if he…what if…" She couldn't even say the words she just clung to Elliot's shirt and cried. His mind was going to explode. He was going to kill White, his mind plotted out every single way he could possibly torture him, not one of them doing him justice. He was going to go Medieval on his ass when he got a hold of him. He could not wait to get his hands on him!

"Its okay, Liv. I'm here. I'm right here." He said in a soothing voice. Not letting his rage show, as he was trying to calm Olivia down.

EOEOEOEOEO

"We interviewed his prison mates, got nothing." Munch said as he threw a thick file down on his desk.

Cragen sighed, they were running out of leads and it was taking a toll on the whole squad. He took a seat at Elliot's desk trying to figure out what to do next, when he heard Porter walk in, and "Tell me you got some good news, Dean."

"Maybe," Dean said holding out a document that Cragen quickly scanned over, Living Will of Roberta White, "Whites mother had a summer home in California. It has been vacant for over 15 years. I got a team on it now."

"Excellent." Cragen said, "So tell me how are they?"

"They're doing okay." Dean said taking a seat at Olivia's desk.

"And Olivia? Did you talk to her?" Don asked wondering when Dean and he became women.

"Yeah we talked…" Dean said with a smile.

"And!?"

"And we'll see..." Dean said and hoped that Olivia would take him back.

"You're killing me, Porter." Cragen said and headed towards his office.

Dean looked at his watch, "Alright guys, I must get going. I'll let you know as soon as we hear anything."

Munch and Fin nodded and said goodbye. When he was gone Munch looked at Fin, "Porter thinks he has a second chance with, Liv?" He asked, trying not to laugh.

Fin smiled, "I'm surprised he had first time with Liv." Fin joked and both of them laughed.

"Munch! Fin!" Don called as he tore out of his office like a bat out of hell, "WE GOT SOMETHING!"

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Olivia fell asleep on the couch that night and Elliot lifted her up gently and brought her to their room. He changed into his pj's and climbed into bed next to her careful not to wake her; however he felt her stir and turn around, "How'd I get here?" She asked half dazed.

"I carried you," He said with his famous grin.

"You're too good to me, Elliot." She said and kissed him on the mouth. She only meant to place a soft kiss on his mouth but her insides melted at the taste of him. He tasted so wonderfully sweet, and his smell was something she wished she could bottle. She pressed her lips down firmly against his and slid her tongue into his mouth. She knew that she was going to have to be the one to make all the moves after her mental breakdown earlier. She moved her hands to his waist and deepened the kiss.

All Elliot could think was, 'not on top of her, no matter what you do---do not get on top of her' He let Olivia do all the work as he was scared of doing something wrong, or triggering another memory.

When she rocked her body next to his, he felt himself begin to grow hard and he pulled away immediately, "Liv, we should stop…" He said in a warning tone.

Feeling his length against her stomach she knew that they should stop too, because she was not ready, not yet. The last thing she wanted was to jump into something she wasn't ready for and ruining it before it ever began, especially when she thought that this could be the one.

"I'm sorry, Elliot. I didn't mean too--"

He pressed his finger to her lips, "Seriously, Olivia. If you say you are sorry one more time," He joked and pressed his lips softly to hers, "There is no pressure. We are taking this slow anyway remember?" he said and wrapped his arms warmly around her soft stomach.

Olivia smiled, how could you not fall completely in love with this man? She thought before she drifted off into what Elliot hoped would be a peaceful night's rest.