He felt as though he had been asleep for days when the Supreme Leader's command jerked him awake from a dreamless, shallow sleep. He had lain back on his bunk and closed his eyes out of sheer exhaustion, not meaning to sleep, but had drifted off nonetheless.

Come to me, Kylo Ren. Now.

He dressed as hurriedly as he could stand with the lingering ache in his side. Resting had probably done his side good, and a quick glance in the mirror confirmed the bleeding has finally stopped. The bacta was making short work of closing the wounds.

An older helmet was behind a few things in the wardrobe, and he placed it gently over his face, being careful not to scrape the newly-healed scar on his cheek. It didn't fit as well as the one that had fallen into the chasm after his father's body, but there wasn't time to make any adjustments to it now.

The energy that surrounded him as he walked from the officers' quarters to the main holoprojection room was a swirling mess. He was hardly in the habit of wasting attention on the stray thoughts of First Order lackeys, but they were thick like a swarm of gnats as he strode nonchalantly past.

He swallowed hard, his throat parched, at what he heard. A tinge of fear, moreso than usual, colored their sentiments, as news of Han Solo's death spread like wildfire through the crew. He suspected he'd be earning a few new nicknames over this.

But a new, vicious undercurrent of disrespect was also lurking just under the surface, and this puzzled him more than their useless feelings about his dead father. How long had he slept? It felt like a tide was shifting against him, carrying him out into deep space.

Reaching the projection room, he took a deep breath before pressing his gloved hand to the access panel.

The holo of Supreme Leader Snoke was smaller, but clearer and more robust, aboard the Finalizer than it ever had been on Starkiller. His master still sat superior to him, but they were nearly eye-to-eye when Snoke was seated.

"Master," he inclined his head and began to sink onto one knee in a show of deference.

"Yes, please. Kneel before me now to make up for your disobedience, Kylo Ren," Snoke's voice, dripping sarcasm, stopped him halfway to the floor and he crouched awkwardly inbetween. He decided to stand, and risk infuriating Snoke further.

"Master, please help understand what I've done wrong," he tried.

"I didn't ask you to speak," Snoke hissed, and it felt louder than if he had yelled it in Kylo's face. Kylo Ren felt his blood pressure jump up now, and he flexed his hands nervously. Snoke hadn't been this angry at him in….

"How many years," Snoke began pedantically, "How many years, do you suppose it took to convince the First Order that they needed the….. guidance of one of our kind? After the demise of the Empire, no one thought Force-sensitives had any place at their table. While you were but a whelp," Snoke spit the final consonant of the word for emphasis, "Suckling at your mother's teat, I was gathering the allegiance of the remaining Moffs, the ones who had interest in restoring the order and peace this galaxy once enjoyed."

Snoke stood now and began pacing slowly back and forth. Kylo knew to keep his gaze down, tracking the hem of Snoke's robes where they brushed the floor. Snoke rarely showed physical agitation at all, let alone this way; Kylo's stomach began to knot.

"Of course, how could you understand," Snoke continued, as though Kylo was a very slow child, "I gave you a goal, and you knew best when to deviate from it." Snoke placed his long fingers together and chuckled mirthlessly. "Really, your motivations for your actions yesterday are… opaque to me. Perhaps you could explain them to your old, feeble teacher? You suppose you yourself are experienced enough to become a master; perhaps you would like to enlighten me how you plan to do this when you are still an apprentice?"

He knew this was not a question at all, and waited for Snoke to keep going.

"You had the opportunity to finish this on Takodana," his master barely paused before continuing in his derision. "The troops gave report that the droid was there for the taking. But you…. No, you choose to let the droid go, supposing instead that you could extract the map from this desert scavenger's head? But even that was too much for you to manage, I see."

"No, the girl is-"

"Silence!" Snoke thundered, and shoved Kylo Ren to all fours with a flick of his hand. "She is a distraction, pure and simple."

Kylo opened his mouth to protest and immediately felt his windpipe being squeezed. His breath began to make slight wheezing sound and Snoke resumed speaking once a constellation of stars began dance in front of his eyes.

"Do you think me stupid, Kylo Ren?" Snoke asked rhetorically. "Do you suppose I cannot see where your interest in her lies? How you tarried with her instead of finishing her? We could be halfway to wherever Skywalker has hidden himself, but instead, now the entire galaxy's tongues are both wagging about their long-lost folk hero dying at the hands of the First Order, and you've lead our enemies straight to your uncle's hovel."

His lungs burned with the air both trapped inside them and the urgent need to suck in a fresh lungful. His head was feeling so heavy, and he could feel the throb of his heart in the new flesh budding on his cheek. All he could picture was her face, flush with triumph after she knocked him back into the snow but hesitated on her fatal blow. He wished, in this moment, that she had killed him.

"Fascinating," Snoke shook his head and released Kylo from his death grip. Fresh air rushed into his lungs and he was allowed to sit back onto his heels, frantically sucking burning lungfuls of air.

"What shall I do with you, Kylo Ren," Snoke took a seat on his stone chair again. "You are my apprentice, but perhaps there are lessons I am not qualified to teach you myself."

"Master," Kylo tried again, and found he was allowed to continue this time. "Forgive me, I should have carried out your wishes as you asked. I only meant to resist the call of the Light, and I used her as bait to draw our enemies to us to be destroyed."

Snoke cocked his head to one side, feigning thoughtfulness, and stared at him. "Really," he drawled. "Your plan was to delay finding the map in her pretty head long enough to use her for your own release from your basest desires, and give her time to escape. That was your plan?"

Kylo pressed his lips together and closed his eyes, swallowing hard. He had long since accepted that Snoke kept tabs on his activities, but it didn't make it any less awkward have it thrown in his face. "I didn't anticipate how strong she would be in the Force," he admitted, "It seems being around me only amplified her abilities. Master, with proper training, I think she could become an as-"

"You should think nothing," Snoke interrupted him once more. "How dare you come before me and try to excuse your pathetic failings by offering me… what, exactly? You have neither the map, nor this girl you are seemingly possessed by. What can you possibly offer that would make up for this, Kylo Ren? I'm sure I don't need to explain how upset the First Order is at the Knights right now. Their precious base is destroyed and their army decimated because you hesitated."

He had a terrible sinking feeling now, that he well and truly might have reached the end of Snoke's favor. If he didn't have that, if he didn't hold the coveted spot that smacked of naked favoritism towards a surrogate son, he knew he had nothing.

"So, Kylo Ren, it has come to this," Snoke sighed impatiently. "I feel I have raised you, given you shelter, trained you, trusted you, but you have turned your back on my teachings. I am forced to preserve my station and that of your fellow Knights with the First Order. I think you know the First Order would love a scapegoat for this defeat."

Snoke stopped there, letting the words hang in the air between them. Kylo finally dared raise his face and look up at Snoke. They stared at each other without speaking. He knew better than to prompt Snoke for more, that his punishment would be outlined in exquisite detail so that Snoke could relish his reaction to it.

"However," Snoke continued at last, "I was able to secure a compromise of sorts. The First Order may be ignorant on many levels, but even they can be made to see reason."

Snoke was just toying with him now, he knew it.

"In exchange for their continued…. fraternity, shall we say, they have agreed to spare you the indignity of facing trial in their ridiculous system," Snoke steepled his spindly fingers as though he were thinking this through for the first time, "And I have agreed to give you a…. visible hiatus."

Kylo only stared at Snoke. This was not a technique of punishment that had ever been meted out on him. His side was still aching under his tunic and he shook his head gently. "Master, I don't understand."

Snoke leaned forwards and peered at him, narrowing his eyes. "I cannot teach a pupil who does not wish to follow my instruction. Therefore, I will not force you to do so. You are to leave at once, Kylo, and do not return until you are ready to complete your training. The First Order has agreed to spare your life and leave you in peace, but so must you them."

Kylo inclined his head in deference once more, noting instantly that Snoke had not used his full name. So this was it-he was to be exiled? He had managed to find use in most everything Snoke had thrown at him over the years, every torment and physical pain, but this seemed beyond cruel. How was he to benefit from being separated from the very being who had molded him into what he was today?

"Master, I wish to complete my training now," he suggested. "Please, let me come to you instead. I understand the First Order may not have use for me any longer, but I…"

Snoke was silent as Ren fought to find words around the shameful lump that was mounting in his throat.

"You know I am lost without your guidance," he admitted.

Snoke settled back in his chair and bowed his head. "You will be if you don't heed my advice, Kylo. I will send for you when the time is right. For now, you must go."

With that, Snoke cut the connection and Kylo was alone in the darkened room.

The jungle was hot and still, and a light sweat broke out across his shoulders and upper back as he battled an imaginary opponent, flowing through the forms alone for the umpteenth time. Trees lost small limbs, ferns curled their leaves, and vines were severed as he slashed his way through a warm-up of Shii-Cho before shifting to Makashi, swinging less wildly now in favor of an intricate dance punctuated by pointed thrusts. It wasn't his best, but it was getting better. He knew he needed to vary his practice, yet the temptation to return to the forms he excelled at instead was strong. All creatures crave the familiar. He had always found it easier to lash out in the forms that prioritized brute strength and physicality over those that emphasized minute control and defensive postures.

He went to the woods daily to escape the close, narrow streets of the city, and to practice unseen. He'd forsaken wearing his mask since arriving, preferring to hide in plain sight. No one had seen his face here since he was a child. He frequently stayed until the twin moons had risen low over the trees. He told himself it was only sensible to leave the forest under the cover of night to avoid detection. There was no sense in rushing back to his spartan room, where only another sleepless night, another in which he awoke from his recurring dreams of his father's face, awaited him. That was the obvious reason to linger.

He brushed a sweaty lock of hair from his forehead and sheathed his saber.

Just then, he felt her. Her pattern seemed to pick up just as he was leaving off, almost without fail. He sat down to catch his breath and rested his back against a fallen tree, staring up at the light fading from the sky. A few stars had just begun twinkling beyond the treetops, and he wondered where she was amongst them.

If he was honest with himself, the resentment he thought he harbored towards her for his current situation had dissipated long ago. That feeling had since been replaced by a possessive curiosity, a desire to know her better than she knew herself. He could feel her mirroring him, her own dark, inquisitive nature getting the better of her. She feared the idea of dark, but not as much as she did her own ignorance, and it drove her to a wooded clearing where she steeled herself to practice using the Force to her advantage. Rocks were rearranged. Limbs were ripped unceremoniously from trees and tossed into underbrush. The occasional small animal found itself rooted to the spot until she saw fit to release it. She'd cried once as she'd accidentally bound one so tightly that it had died of fright before she could let it run away. She tucked its body into a cocoon of moss and placed a twig in the ground to mark the spot.

He enjoyed watching her clumsy ministrations grow more precise as she figured out how to channel her rage and confusion at her situation into decently efficient Force maneuvers.

Then there were Rey's… other activities in the woods. To his mild surprise, her fantasies had taken a vivid turn that was not unwelcome, and he relished the lurid details that haunted her. Unlike her pristine memory he'd uncovered during her interrogation, these new thoughts were a confusing mix of her nascent sense of agency in these acts and her titillating desire to be controlled.

He had been honest when he'd offered to teach her, but he hadn't intended for her to take it quite this way. A smirk played at his lips as he gently shook his head.

"Maybe I am a monster," he said where no one could hear him. If this is what a monster looked like to her, he could live with it.