Disclaimer: I still own nothing.
Ascension of the Beast
Chapter XXI
And Yahtzee
When Garfield next awoke, it was six in the morning. In reality, he had slept for just three hours, but some things Slade said in their conversation were weighing on the changeling's mind. Actually, to say 'some things' would be an extreme understatement, as the list of questions nagging his mind since that conversation was quite long. What does Ra's al-Ghul want? Why did he send Slade of all people to deliver his message? How the hell did Slade know about his ostensibly untraceable cash donations? Why did Slade seem so eager to make him understand him? Why did Slade seem so desperate to atone? Who is Slade's third woman and how the hell did she know Raven was going to be making an interdimensional journey? But at the moment, one took precedent over all the others.
'What did Slade mean when he said I'm going to be a very happy man the next time I speak to Raven?' Gar thought as he jumped in the shower. 'I mean, I'm already quite happy just having Raven around. It's amazing how much has changed between us, but I don't want to make her mad or ruin our friendship by thinking about her in a way she might not think about me.' His ears dropped as the deluge of negative thoughts continued. 'That's probably not what he meant anyway, or he's probably just toying with me. In hindsight, it's a no-brainer that she was into Dick, even after he plain out told her that he saw her as "like the sister [he] never had." And then next would probably be Joey, except he's with Kole. Or Wally, except he's a womanizer and still technically with Jinx. Or that Goth kid. Hell, even a dragon is more attractive than me.' The memories of all the times she'd lost her temper with him played through his head as his hand planted on the shower wall for support.
But then the negative thoughts faded as he remembered Malchior, the Beast incident, the tripartite bonding between himself, her and Cyborg following the beginning of Dick and Kori's relationship, the more intimate one-on-one moments he shared with her since the beginning of the year, and the events of the previous night, including the two syllables she was barely able to utter before before the attack. 'Then again,' he thought, 'it did sound a lot like she was about to tell me she loved me.' He honestly didn't know what to think—the love/hate-based friendship they'd had in the past was forcing his reason to demand caution, but his instincts were quite insistent that she was romantically attracted to him. Normally, it would not have been abnormal for him to come down in favor of his instincts in such a debate, but Raven had levied quite a bit of physical and verbal abuse against him in the past. He had to conclude that, regardless of what she might or might not feel for him and what he knew he felt for her, he could not be the one to make the first move, because that would be too great a risk even for someone with his near-suicidal level of bravery.
It was quite an unnatural situation. Gar was normally a man of action who depended immensely upon improvisation. In his work, he was never the kind of person to try to plan his actions before the fact, but rather he tended to rely on his ability to quickly process information on the spot and proceed in reaction to the ongoing pattern. Never would he go into a fight knowing what animal forms he would use, or what manners of attack. Even when he led his rag-tag group in the invasion of the Brotherhood of Evil's Paris headquarters, he was winging it every step of the way. Normally, the only time he thought ahead was when he was playing chess—a game he had quickly become fond of during his Doom Patrol days, as it gave him an opportunity to show Mento that he wasn't as stupid as he looked (and later allowed him to show Raven the same thing).
But this was different from both battle and chess. In chess, one can see precisely where all the pieces are. In a fight, again, one can see the patterns that one's adversaries are exhibiting. However, in this situation, the most vital of all variables was hidden. He frankly had not the slightest clue of what was going on inside Raven's head, and, as a result, it would be absolutely foolish for him to proceed with any action. If the situation was to be resolved, she would have to be the one who made the move. He only hoped that, if she did reciprocate, he had been transparent enough for her to avoid the same impasse he himself had run into, or, if she did not reciprocate, there was at least enough ambiguity for their friendship to continue normally with the benefit of the doubt.
That's not to say his decision not to act was due to cowardice on his part. But rather he respected her too much to allow himself to force her into an awkward position if she didn't feel the same, and she had been so skilled at controlling her emotions that he could not make heads or tails of any sign of whether or not she did. Every intimate moment they had experienced to date had her acting in a manner which could be interpreted as either a close platonic bond or a sign of a deeper affection. She had never given him a sign that clearly displayed hints of the latter which could not also be interpreted as the former. If he had anything to show him that she might have a romantic interest in him, he would have made a move long before. Even if he interpreted the second syllable of what she was trying to say to him the night before as "love," he could not be sure what she was going to say she loved. She could have been trying to say she loved him, or she could have been saying that she loved the song, or anything else for that matter. And yes, he noticed her recent possessiveness, but she had always been fiercely protective of and loyal to her friends and, seeing as the two of them were now all each other had on a day-to-day basis, it would not be terribly surprising if those tendencies intensified towards him even if she only cared for him on a platonic level.
Shaking the matter from his head as he exited the shower, he knew there would be a few other things he had to deal with throughout the day. After getting dressed and making his way toward the study which Mento used to spend so much time in during Gar's childhood, the young man began to consider the conversation he'd had with Donna Troy. His heart bled for the fellow Titan—he could figure that there's nothing more hurtful to a mother than to lose her child. And now Donna's estranged husband was attempting to wage a custody battle. Gar knew he couldn't let Terry Long win that battle; it would be in the worst interests of both Donna and Robert. The boy would always be a target—he was still Donna's son regardless of which parent had custody. But if Donna had custody, at least she could protect him. Terry could not. The thoughts were so occupying his mind that he didn't even notice as he walked by a middle aged man wearing business attire and wire-framed glasses.
"Mr. Logan," Steve Dayton's majordomo at Dayton Manor broke the silence before Gar got out of earshot, "I did not anticipate that you would rise so early." The dynamic between Gar and Vernon Questor had changed remarkably over the years. Questor's role as majordomo also made him Gar's primary custodian when for whatever reason Steve and Rita could not supervise him personally. Long before Gar was an annoyance for Raven, he drove this man crazy with his youthful immaturity. Questor was among the earliest victims of Gar's pranks and the man constantly had to deal with a boy who exhibited too much energy yet too little will to do anything productive. However, much like Steve himself, Questor was very proud of the way Gar had matured since the Titans' defeat of the Brotherhood of Evil.
"Oh, hey Questor," the changeling responded, "I couldn't really sleep...too much on my mind."
"Yes. You do seem to be putting a lot on your plate these days. You're reminding me more of Steve every day. He's proud of you, you know."
"Yeah," Gar responded, "even more so after last night." Questor, still not having been made privy to the previous night's events, raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "It was a much more active night than anticipated. I figure Steve and Rita will probably fill you in on most of what happened at some point if I don't get around to it, but it'll be a night I'll remember for a long time." Suddenly the changeling remembered his conversation with Donna Troy. "Also, I kinda might have promised Donna that we'd buy her a legal team..."
"What?!" Questor, in charge of managing the Daytons' finances, was not entirely pleased with their adoptive son volunteering part of their fortune.
"Well, it's a kinda complicated. You remember how we hosted Donna and Terry's wedding and everything, right?"
"How could I forget? You managed everything so well..."
"Well, to be fair, I couldn't have done half of that without you, but that's beside the point. Terry randomly decided to divorce Donna and now he's trying to take her son away from her, claiming that because she's a superheroine she endangers him or some shit like that. Which is total bullshit, because regardless of whether or not he's living with Donna, he's still her son and he's still a target. At least Donna can protect him if he's with her!"
"So, your desire to help Ms. Troy is coming as much from your sense of justice as it is from your desire to protect your friend?" Questor inquired. Gar simply nodded in reply. "You know, you really have grown into a fine young man, Mr. Logan. But, while I am certainly in favor of helping, would it not be best if a pool of finances was put together? Surely Mr. Wayne and Mr. Queen would be willing..."
"That's already the plan," Gar interrupted. "Kori's gonna send some gold from Tamaran, Dick's already talked to Bruce about a contribution, and apparently Roy is going to talk to Ollie. But we all want to make sure Donna has the best legal representation money can buy. There's another thing to it as well—if Terry wins in this case, that means a whole shitload of trouble for other superheroes and superheroines who marry civilians. Being a super will suddenly become a disqualification from being a parent."
Questor agreed, "judicial precedents can indeed be dangerous. And you are right about the fact that Ms. Troy can better provide for the defense of her son than Mr. Long could ever hope. Both because, as you said, she has the power to better protect him, but also because superheroes tend to live in much more secure surroundings..."
"That's another thing," Gar once again interrupted. "We need to update the security systems in place here..."
"Why? The security systems were just updated two years ago."
"Slade Wilson paid me an unexpected visit last night. He somehow slipped through all of our security and got into my room. While he didn't have malicious intent at the time, it's still very unnerving to know that a villain can get into my bedroom. Though, I'm not so sure I'd be complaining as much if it was Cheetah or Poison Ivy or Cheshire, Killer Frost is pretty hot too, for as cold as she is...huge ti..."
"And here I'd thought you'd grown up," Questor responded, with a smirk on his face.
"I may be an adult, but I still find the ladies attractive—even if they're incurably evil," Gar responded. "But yeah, back to the main point: we need better security."
"I'm not certain if there's anything we really can do about security. The system we have in place is still the most advanced system on the home security market. We could possibly install one of the systems we have at the Labs, but that would be inordinately expensive. If you want to do that, we'll have to talk to Steve first. He's already agreed to bankroll your African adventure, and, while he certainly has more than enough money, he didn't get that way by simply allowing the money to hemorrhage out of his accounts."
"I know, dude, but..." Gar paused to find the right phrase for the thought he wanted to get across. "I'm living here and Raven's living here—we're both superheroes. Adding to that, this is the property of Steve and Rita Dayton—also both superheroes. Steve, Rita, Rae and I...we're all big targets. There's people with unbelievable capabilities who would stop at nothing for the opportunity to get at any one of us. Some want revenge because we put them behind bars. Some are newcomers who want to make names for themselves. Sam Register is still out there somewhere wanting to use me as a lab rat, and Galtry is probably biding his time waiting for an opportunity to put my green ass six feet under. The Church of Blood is still out there wanting to go after Raven. But no matter what their motive is, I don't want them to have a chance. And I'd especially feel horrible if anything happened to Raven under my watch."
"Forgive me for asking, but what exactly is the nature of your relationship with Ms. Roth?" Questor asked with genuine curiosity. He knew the two to be friends, but something about the way they interacted with each other recently was indicating that something more might be lurking beneath the surface.
"We're really close friends," Gar replied. "I mean, between you and me, I like her in a romantic kinda way too, but I'm not sure if she feels the same way, so I'm pretty much letting that be for now. I don't want to ruin everything."
Questor had to muster all of the restraint he possessed in order to keep from letting out a chuckle. Standing before him was the fearless Beast Boy. From a criminally early age, Garfield Logan had been one to go into battle without reservation. As a mere child, he had the cojones to break into the Doom Patrol headquarters and in the ensuing struggles he so impressed the team that they accepted him and Steve and Rita adopted him as a son. While still a child, this young man had faced and defeated everything from small-time crooks to world-killing demons. In every event he leaped into battle with almost reckless abandon. He led the attack which destroyed the Brotherhood of Evil. But now this otherwise fearless specimen was crippled with terror. He, who so boldly faced the worst of monsters, was now crippled with a mundane fear of rejection. 'Young people,' Questor thought, shaking his head as Gar walked away toward his ultimate destination.
It was noon by the time Raven awoke. Initially, the dark Titan did not wish to get up—she was extraordinarily exhausted as her sleep had been periodically interrupted by strange nightmares she could no-longer recall upon awakening. This was entirely out of the ordinary, as she usually tended to remember her nightmares, but now she was left only with the knowledge that she had experienced them.
"Grr," she growled under her breath as she gave up on her attempts to return to her slumber and began to rise. "Why do I get the feeling that something horrible is going to come up today?" She tried to shake it the thought off as she assumed the lotus position in an attempt to meditate. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos," she began to levitate. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos."
With a resounding whoomp, her ass hit the floor a microsecond after the last utterance of the word 'Zinthos.' "This isn't gonna work," she decided a moment before a rumble emanating from her stomach made itself audible. "Of course, I haven't eaten since the reception, and barely then. Guess I should just get some breakfa..." she noticed the clock, "...er, lunch." She took a moment to quickly sniff herself. "But not smelling like that, I'm not." Her most recent shower had been before she and Gar left for Gotham the previous day, so, between the random combat, being kidnapped, being rescued and making an unscheduled trip to Azarath, she was by no means smelling her best at the moment.
Her demonic lineage certainly didn't help with that. There's a reason why people associate demons with brimstone—given the high sulfuric content of the demon's natural environment, sulfur atoms are inherently present within the molecular construction of a demon's body. Although demons are every bit as much carbon based as are humans, the sulfur makes for a few noteworthy differences—one of which being that the sweat of a demon tends to include around 5 parts per billion hydrosulfuric acid. The concentration is much lower in demi-demons, averaging around 2.5 parts per billion for a half-demon, 1.3 ppb for a quarter-demon, etc., but it is nevertheless cause for a self-conscious demi-demoness to be wary. At 2.5 ppb, the concentration is far too low to be a danger, but if the sweat is allowed to sit long enough for the water to evaporate, it leaves behind a greater concentration of hydrogen sulfide, the odor of which begins to become detectable to fifty-percent of normal humans at 4.7 ppb. Moreover, this is not just a problem with a demon's sweat—the exhaled breath of a demon contains, along with the carbon dioxide common to most carbon-based animals, a trace level of carbonyl sulfide. Under particularly humid conditions, carbonyl sulfide will break down into carbon dioxide and hydrogen sulfide, as the hydrogen atoms in water vapor form a molecular bond with the carbonyl sulfide's sulfur atoms.
Needless to say, Raven was quite serious about her hygiene regimen, typically bathing twice daily and brushing her teeth a minimum of three times a day (there were days when she would brush up to five times—once six even). Beyond her knowledge, she needed not be particularly concerned with masking the smell of sulfur, as Gar, with his enhanced senses, could detect it anyway and had actually grown accustomed to the potpourri of lavender and sulfur he typically smelled in Raven's presence. Of course, Gar was a unique individual—although he never transformed into a demon or even knew that he could, the genetic structures of all animal life were trapped within his body, as though he had some sort of Metazoan Rolodex hidden in his body. Even the genetic codes for extraterrestrial animals, and for animals from other dimensions, were present. Even demons. As a result, he was unknowingly influenced as much by demonic instincts as by simian, or canine, or feline, or ursine, or any other. With the influence of demonic reproductive instincts mixed into all of his other instincts, the smell of a demoness, together with her pheromones, has more than an acute effect upon the changeling. Indeed, whenever Raven was ovulating, for as long as he had known her, Gar had always had extreme difficulty thinking of anything but her. Many a cold shower was necessary.
As Raven took her shower, her mind focused on the visit she had with her mother the night before. She wondered who her new love was and what he was like. She had no idea that she actually knew the man, although all of the pieces to the puzzle were there between what Slade had told Gar and what Arella had told her. She knew that her mother's new beau must be a warrior of some sort with a sword like that. She wondered if he was anything like her Garfield, always ready to risk life and limb for his...she scolded herself for projecting her possessiveness. She knew she loved Garfield, but for every bit as much as her demonic instincts demanded that she claim him as her possession, her rational mind knew it could not be so simple. He was not an object to be owned, but a man with agency of his own. For all the feelings she had developed for the changeling, they were at present nothing more than friends.
Even after the talk Zee, Diana, Babs and Kate had given her the night before, Raven was unable to convince herself that there was any evidence that he viewed her as anything more than a friend. Of course, her empathy had always been useless when it came to Garfield—having Mento for an adoptive father gave him an impetus to build strong mental barriers before she even knew him. For most of the time she'd known him, he'd always worn his mask—if that's even a proper term for it. Sure, he used his projection of joviality to hide certain feelings, but it was not an artificial construct either; he was more omitting than lying. Early on, she had always found his superficial glee to be annoying, but over time there were slips. Brief moments when the mental barrier cracked and traces of what truly existed beneath the surface emerged. Her initial reaction was actually to become even more annoyed, as she did feel as though it were like he was lying. But as she grew to know him better, she recognized that his candor was impeccable. No, no lies, but rather discretion. He truly felt the happiness he projected, but he merely omitted the pain that existed underneath.
In this respect, she knew they were not very much different at all. Even after she defeated her father, Raven used the superficial masks of stoicism and combativeness to hide her deeper feelings from herself and others. The difference was that, with his animal senses, there was no mental barrier which would keep Garfield from getting a taste of the reality. That provided another thing that, once upon a time, truly annoyed her. She wanted her strife to be private, she did not want it dragged out into the open for anyone to see and she sure as hell did not want anyone else to shoulder her burdens. But he would always be at her door trying to bring her out, trying to make her smile, trying to bring happiness into her life. And in her youth, she despised him for it. It did not help that it basically made him a hypocrite. He always wanted to be there to help shoulder her burdens, but for all those years he wouldn't even allow anyone to see his. But it was a hypocrisy she could forgive—a chivalrous hypocrisy even.
Chivalrous. It was odd to think of him as a knight, much easier to see Dick as such. Then again, Garfield's background had a much more martial nature than Dick's—Batman may have taught discipline, but it was no secret that the Doom Patrol acted like a military special forces unit in its procedures. There had been a mission not long after the return from Tokyo when she, Vic and him had to use a Doom Patrol bunker because there were no Titan safehouses nearby. It was the sort of utilitarian affair one would expect from a military bunker. But no, Garfield was no knight—owing to Tawaba's adoption, he was quite literally a Prince. She had to muse that the role suited him perfectly. Even if he normally shied away from the responsibilities of leadership, he was a very natural leader and a careful analysis showed that in the few instances when he accepted the role, he'd actually been a better at it than Dick. Then again, Dick was not a natural in the role—he had to learn from Batman and from his own experience what for Gar simply came naturally.
In that moment, she quietly decided that, so long as she was part of Gar's life, she would not allow him to suppress that part of his being any longer. It was quite clear to her now that the fates themselves willed that Gar must be a leader. He was approaching a crossroads in his life, of that much she was certain. But regardless of which road he took, every one of them would end in him taking on some sort of leadership role. Of course, if he gave in to what the people of Lamumba seemed to be asking, he would be a King. If he did not choose that path, he would regardless eventually find himself in the role of a business leader, as he was the sole heir to Steve Dayton's massive company. Moreover, if they were to keep the Titans together, there had only been two individuals who had ever led the totality of all of the Titans, and one of them would be off planet for the foreseeable future. All of Garfield's roads led to leadership—whether he would be the King of Lamumba, the CEO of Dayton Industries, the supreme leader of the Titans, or even the leader of some continuation of the Doom Patrol—and Raven determined that, whether she was his friend or something more, she would be there to help him along whatever path he chose, in as far as he would allow her to do so.
Then again, she was not herself to be considered a commoner. Azar had elevated her to noble status in Azarath, and, having defeated Trigon, Raven was also to be considered the ruler of what had been his. It Garfield were to accept the Lamumban throne, and if she were to be wed to him, the union of houses would be of immense scale. Between them they would have control of a terrestrial state, eventual reign over Azarath, rulership of a demonic dukedom, control of one of Earth's largest corporations, and the Titans. She was never materialistic, and she was never concerned with her own gain, but it was nevertheless appealing to think that her posterity might inherit an empire rich in untold financial resources and extending into multiple dimensions. Of course, this was a pipe dream entertained merely for the less rational parts of her human and demon halves. She was not a monarchist. He was not a monarchist. The Titans in general fiercely defended the virtues of republicanism and liberal democracy in one of their fights with Mad Mod, and, although Dick and Kori seemed to be willing to bend on the matter, the same was not true of Gar and Raven. Neither she nor he desired power or status. Both were motivated by the same sense of service and humility which other, like Superman, exemplified.
Superman was actually a perfect example of how it worked. He, individually, possessed the capacity to completely take over the planet if he so willed, but he did not so will. Because he believes in people. Because he values the ideals of liberty and justice and his belief system runs counter to despotism and autocracy. If the republics of Earth were to fall, it would not be by his hand. So too, Gar and Raven cast their lot with republicanism. So too, they defended liberal democracy. It was not their place to rule over the people, but merely to protect them so they might rule over themselves in peace. Popular sovereignty was a concept they could not, without a great measure of hypocrisy, abandon. For Dick, it was easier since his loyalties were never so much to the people but rather to the law. In so far as the law and democracy were in harmony, things had always been fine. The Titans had always been lucky that way. But a chill ran down Raven's spine as the concept of what would have happened it popular sovereignty and the law were to be placed at odds.
Dick would have undoubtedly favored the law above everything else, even if the law became immoral and destructive. He definitely fell along the lines of a "law and order" Republican, which served to distinguish him from his more libertarian and anti-statist mentor; indeed, Bruce had not had the best of experiences with politicians advocating the "law and order" line of thought, given that they invariably opposed "vigilantism," and hence opposed the Batman. Kori's loyalties, meanwhile, had never so much been to any abstract concepts, but rather she would follow the people to whom she was loyal. Namely, the one person on the whole planet to whom Kori was most loyal was Dick, so she would have cast her lot with his. Vic would be difficult to predict, as he tended to avoid political and philosophical questions of this nature altogether, except that he did seem to give special attention to issues related to technological development and urban renewal.
A casual observer might have thought Gar was apolitical, but Raven personally knew better. Gar was very private about a lot of things, and his political beliefs fell into this category even if they were remarkably predictable. Over the years, Raven had managed to get glimpses into the mosaic of Gar's hidden beliefs He'd been a supporter of various environmental and humane causes for as long as she had known him, and he appeared to have been a supporter of the Green Party for a few years now. As he matured and his political awareness blossomed, he also began to take an interest in other social issues. All and all, he definitely fell left of center, probably in the social democratic range. Conversations with Leonid Kovar had given him an awareness of Marxism, but, being the adoptive son of one of the richest men in the world, Gar was far too bourgeois to be able to support socialism without fundamentally going against his own interests, so she could not peg him as a socialist. He definitely had one gigantic bleeding heart, though, on an order comparable to Ollie Queen. This put Gar seriously at odds with his adoptive parents as far as politics went, seeing as Steve held blatant neoconservative views and Rita definitely tended to be socially conservative, although she also seemed to be guided more by altruism than he. Of course, there were some points where Steve and Rita's influence would rub off on Gar, notably some points of conservative morality which he held to internally, and which served him well in keeping certain animal instincts in check.
Raven herself had political views which were shaped by her strong belief that the interests of society in general were greater than the interests of any single individual, but tempered by a belief in individual liberty. Her upbringing had given her a special fondness for communitarian socio-economic systems, and her bad experience with capitalism did nothing but intensify that affinity toward communitarian systems. Moreover, the moral implications of philosophies such as Randian Objectivism—which, for example, asserts that greed is good and altruism is bad—would be dangerous combined with the more malicious tendencies of her demonic lineage, which she would never be able to resist if she were to adopt such a mindset. It was clear that both Rae and Gar had a common thread in that their need to keep the non-human aspects of themselves in check tended to have an explicit effect on their moral outlooks. The need to avoid giving too much power to her demonic side was in large part the cause of her more prudish tendencies regarding sexuality—to indulge unconditionally would give the demon in her a means to take over. It was thence necessary that, while libertarian on civil issues, and communitarian on socio-economic issues, Raven must keep to a relatively conservative set of personal moral principles.
Of course, the one aspect of sexual morality had a special focus for both of them. Sexuality could only be acceptable in the context of a committed relationship. For either of them to indulge in licentious sexuality would open a floodgate that neither could be sure they'd be able to close. Debauchery would destroy everything. Gar would become more beast than man, Raven would become more demoness than woman. But sexuality was not the only impulse that needed to be checked. In their lives, greed, territoriality, domination, self-centricity, etc. were all bad. To seek such an empire would thus contradict the moral codes that were absolute necessities to them both.
Even if all of the claims were abandoned, however, if Gar was to be Raven's ultimate life partner, all of her sons would be princes and all of her daughters would be princesses, and the Dayton fortune would ensure that none of them would ever want for anything. They wouldn't have to experience the hardships she had. They certainly wouldn't have to experience the horrors he had. Her conversation with her own mother the night before had planted in her mind the idea of parenthood, and she could not help but think that she and her Garfield would be better equipped to provide for their children than almost anyone else their age.
There she went again. Her Garfield. She tried to remind herself that they were not in a relationship. She tried to remind herself that she didn't even know if he felt the same way. She knew that if she kept on like this and it turned out that he only regarded her as a friend, it would destroy her. But she couldn't help it. Her human and demonic emotions, instincts and impulses were all in perfect agreement on this subject—they had already claimed him as her own. Her empathic senses could not determine whether or not he felt the same, but all of her emoticlones seemed to feel it was a pretty safe bet that he did. But then there was the question from the previous night.
If he did love her, why didn't he tell her? She couldn't initially fathom that fear of rejection might stop him. She'd seen him flirt with girls when he was younger, and he never even showed the slightest sign of being hurt when they shot him down. Of course, those were all girls who he didn't know so well, and there was really nothing risked. 'That's it!' she finally saw it. 'He's thinking that if I don't love him back, to tell me that he loves me would ruin our friendship and he'd lose me for good.' After a moment, she couldn't help but muse 'we really are more alike than it seems.' She had the same fears, but unlike he, she had been given clear signs. No one buys a library for a mere friend. No one gives up their humanity for someone they only like platonically. And she knew whatever feelings he had must have been there in some capacity for a long time, as no one will brave the punishments she dealt him just to try to make someone smile or to get to know them better, unless they were positively smitten.
But then came the guilt. She felt a tightening in her chest as she thought of how she had mistreated him over the years. At the time she didn't realize what she'd been doing was that bad, but she had to think about it after her mother brought the subject up. There had been but a single occasion when he did anything that could have been regarded as malicious toward her—and in that moment, he was under the influence of those chemicals and he'd actually had a good point: she always abused him. For her part, she could not count the number of times she had insulted him, threatened him, assaulted him. Of course, it never helped that no one would ever call her out for it—even Gar kept his silence, and all of the others tended to either ignore it or take her side.
The thought that came next actually offended her greatly: they took her side because of her gender, because they saw her as weaker, and hence she couldn't possibly hurt him in their eyes. She, the most powerful of all the Titans. She, who could destroy most people without moving a muscle if she truly wanted to. It had to be that, because the only other option would be that they didn't really value him as a human being, and if that were the case, heads were going to roll now that she was in a more amorous state of mind about the changeling. No one was going to treat him like he was less than a person if she had anything to say about it; she felt she owed him that much.
Finishing her thoughts as she finished her shower, she make quick work of getting dressed. She was still quite hungry, and the kitchen in Dayton Manor was about a quarter mile walking distance from her suite, if the different floors were factored into the trip. Living in a palace was certainly not what it was cracked up to be. Feeling kind of lazy, she decided to simply teleport herself to the kitchen. Finding that she was not in the mood to make anything that would require any sort of effort, she ended up breaking one of her dietary norms: while Raven abstained from the consumption of meat, she also normally abstained from the consumption of meat substitutes—like tofu—as well. She normally figured that meat substitutes were too much like meat, so she preferred to limit herself to more natural vegetarian cuisine. At this point, however, she was just lazy enough that it didn't matter, so she grabbed one of Gar's veggie burgers from the freezer and popped it into the microwave for convenience's sake. She could have grabbed an Eggo or something—she wasn't a vegan like her verdant hopefully-soon-to-be-lover, and she had no aversion to eating food made with eggs or dairy products, so normal waffles were perfectly fine for her. But she would have had to dig through the freezer more than she particularly cared to do at the time.
Seating herself on a stool at the kitchen's island counter, her veggie burger before her, Raven contemplated the changes which would occur in her relationship with Garfield after she revealed how she felt. The thought that he might reject her had faded, for she now realized there was a good enough chance he felt the same. Whatever changes she could anticipate seemed entirely organic, as though they would be a natural extension of the changes which had already occurred in the dynamic of their relationship. Initially, she imagined, the new changes would consist only in a little more openness and emotional intimacy with each other (although, by now, they had already grown accustomed to baring to the each other parts of their inner selves which they did not share with anyone else), the addition of certain displays of affection (even if she would not tend to be one to overdo that part) and the occasional "I love you."
She wasn't sure about the question of greater physical intimacy—normally, sex would be out of the question for months (not that she'd ever gotten there), but with how long she'd known Garfield, and how well they knew each other, waiting a long time for that aspect of their relationship to bloom seemed rather pointless. There was a very distinct part of her which wanted to give her entire self to him immediately. But as she chewed on her meal, the thought of her powers came up. She'd gained so much control over them in the past three years, but sexuality was a new frontier. She had caused destruction in the past from simply masturbating...even with all of the control she'd gained, she had to figure there was a big difference between her own finger and a penis. Although, she was not under any illusion that the first time would be so epic—Gar was probably as inexperienced as she was—she still couldn't help but be afraid of what might happen were she to experience an orgasm. But on the same coin as the fear, there was also a bit of excitement; the fear actually caused her to become more aroused when she thought about it.
Still more importantly, she knew that her lust was in allegiance with love. She could never allow herself to give in to raw lust—that would only strengthen her demonic side. But all was well as the lust was tempered by love. She knew that she could fuck the changeling's brains out and it still would be more about the intimacy between the two of them for her than about the sex. Sure, sex would be fun, but the important part was that he was the only one to whom she was willing to give herself in that way. It would not just be a meeting of pubic regions, but kindred souls would merge as well.
Finishing her breakfast/lunch, imaginary butterflies began to flutter in Raven's gut. She knew what she had to do now. She knew this was a watershed moment in her life and in her relationship with the shapeshifter, and that there would be no going back. But she was ready, and only needed this moment to steel herself for what came next. She had a pretty good idea of where to find the changeling, so she teleported back to her own bedroom to pick up Gar's mirror before en route to the study.
The study/office at Dayton Manor had been privy to many interesting goings on in the past. Important Dayton Industries business deals, discussions relative to the Doom Patrol, trysts between Steve and Rita (Gar really would not be so comfortable in the room if he had known what his adoptive parents had done on that desk), even a monumental moment when John Constantine recruited Steve to help save the world from a demonic invasion. As Raven entered the room intent on adding another thing to that list, it was apparent that still another was already in progress.
"I know, dad," the changeling spoke into the phone while pinching the bridge of his nose. "But you know I'm not a Republican," apparently the discussion had something to do with politics. "Okay...okay, I'll do it, but you know there's a good chance I won't even be in the country during the primaries, but I guess I can probably appear at a few events during the general election cycle. Yep, I know. Tell mom I love her. You too, bye."
Upon hanging up the phone, Gar dropped his head to the desk in exacerbation. Depositing her cargo on the desk, Raven walked around behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Stressful conversation?"
"Nah, it wasn't too bad," he replied, lifting his head back up into the normal position. "Actually one of the less stressful talks I've had with Steve. But apparently the Doom Patrol has been so inactive lately and he's getting really antsy for something to do, so he's thinking about running for Governor of Michigan in a couple years."
"And he wants you to campaign for him?"
"Bingo and yahtzee!" he said, as his eyes turned to the package on the desk. "But it's not too surprising. It's the kind of thing billionaires and millionaires do when they get bored. What's in the box?" He got up out of the chair and walked around to the other side of the large desk as Raven followed and ultimately took her place beside him.
"It's a gift. For you."
"Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but why Rae? It's not like my birthday or anything..."
"Between giving me a place to live, providing for all of my needs, and rescuing me whenever I'm in danger, I figured getting to a gift was the least I could do," she responded while her hand once again met his shoulder, rubbing it almost imperceptibly. A small smile graced her lips as she felt the emotions radiating from him at the moment—for the first time, she could readily identify that love was indeed one of them, together with joy and gratitude, but tempered slightly by a feeling of unworthiness. Half expecting him to try to tell her he didn't deserve it, she chose to directly present it to him.
Opening the box in a way in which the lid blocked Gar's view of what was inside, Raven reached her hands in. However, as her fingers graced the 12-o'-clock position of the bestiary frame, she was suddenly overtaken by a vision. It had no discernible plot to it, but that did not prevent it from striking the worst fear in her heart. What she saw was a tangled and matted mess of green fur, much of which being covered by an inhuman amount of blood. There was nothing in the vision itself that directly told her whose blood it was, but somehow she just instinctively knew—it was his own. After a moment, she vaguely heard Gar's voice calling out to her.
"Rae," Gar said, gently shaking her shoulder. "Earth to Raven."
"Sorry," she said, shaking off the vision she'd just experienced. "I just spaced out for a second. I guess maybe I didn't get enough sleep last night."
"So, are you gonna give me my gift?" he asked, trying hard not to sound rude.
"Oh, yes," she remembered why she was here to begin with and began to continue. "Another reason why I got you this gift is because there's something I really need to tell you, Gar," she said, as he gave her a look emoting his apprehension. She pulled the mirror out of the box and as she gave it to him, she continued. "I understand if you don't feel the same way, and I really hope this doesn't ruin our friendship if that's the case. But we've known each other for a long time now and ever since day one I feel like we've been growing closer and Ireallydon'tknowwhatelsetosayexceptIloveyou."
"Whoa," the changeling exclaimed, "slow down Rae." After a brief moment, he processed the jumble of words that Raven said. "Did you just say you love me?"
She nodded apprehensively. "And I don't mean I love you as a friend. I mean, I love you more than that. And I know now that it's more than just puppy love too, Gar. I love you like you're the other half of me. I love you like you're the yang to my yin. The bright star in my dark sky. And, I-I r-r-really understandifyoudon'tfeelthesameway, but if you don't, then I really hope I didn't just ruin our friendship, because I can't imagine my life without you in int anymore." Tears began to well up in her eyes as she finished the last sentence. Never in her life had she felt so vulnerable. Slowly turning her back toward him, she was beginning to figuratively kick herself when he did something which absolutely shocked her.
Setting the mirror down on the desk, Gar placed a hand on her shoulder and gently turned her back toward himself. Before she could even register that he had done so, he wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a deep kiss, burning with such passion that there was no denying he had wanted to do this for a long time. Initially stunned, as Raven registered what was happening, she began to kiss back with equal intensity, wrapping her arms around the back of his neck and parting her lips to accept his invasive tongue with no contest. Breaking the kiss, Gar addressed her. "Rae, you're right. We have known each other for a long time, and we have been growing closer. I feel the same way Rae, I love you too."
"So," she began her response, "where do we stand now? Are we...?"
"A couple? I know I would kill to be your boyfriend, if you wanted to be my girlfriend..."
"I do," she said. "So I guess it's settled that we're an item then?" she asked, starting to recognize that this line of conversation was becoming awkward.
"Yeah," he responded simply, with a smile. He too recognized the awkward tone this line of conversation was beginning to take, so he chose to end it with another, decidedly more reserved, kiss. "So, about the mirror. Is it...?"
"Yes, it's a meditation mirror just like mine," she responded. "The glass is covered because the mirror will form a permanent bond with the first person to look into it. I suggest you do that when you don't have anything else to do for a few hours, because your first time in your own mind is going to probably be an unusual experience for you."
"Hey, mama," he responded in a flirty tone while wrapping his arms around her waist once again. "You know I thrive on kinks," he said while wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
"Oh joy, he's back," she deadpanned in good humor.
"So I guess this mirror is why you went to Azarath last night, huh?" he asked, allowing some semblance of seriousness to return to the conversation.
"Yeah," she responded, before the obvious question came to her mind. "How did you know I was in Azarath?"
"Turns out I had an uninvited guest in my room last night: Slade. He was mostly there to give me some weird explanation about his past and why he was so hellbent on opposing us and to tell me that Ra's al-Ghul wants to meet with me, but he also said something about one of the three most beautiful women he'd ever met giving him information about you and how you were in Azarath and I 'would be a very happy man' the next time I see you. I was super bizarre, to like the point where I couldn't even be sure if it really happened or if it was a dream or what when I first woke up."
Intrigued, she thought about what Gar had just told her, combined with the memory of finding a sword in her mother's quarters the night before. She began to put two and two together, but she didn't really want to acknowledge that possibility. Before her and Gar could discuss the matter further, they were interrupted as Vernon Questor entered the room. "Ms. Roth, Princess Diana of Themyscira and Ms. Troy are here to see you. They insist that they must speak to you immediately about a matter of urgent importance."
Author's Notes
Sorry that it took a month for me to update this time. I've been battling with writer's block a lot with both this chapter and the next chapter of The Violet Revolution. I still haven't gotten what I'm gonna do with the latter figured out yet, but at least I think I'm getting back on track with this fic.
Vernon Questor got some "screen time" (for lack of a better word) in this chapter. I think he's really a character who doesn't get used enough. One way to summarize his relationship with Garfield would be like this: everyone knows who Alfred Pennyworth is, right? Well, Questor is kinda like Gar's analogue to Bruce's Alfred (except Questor can't kick ass like Alfred can, but instead has mad business management and money skills). Oh, and instead of having a hyper-polite manner like Alfred, Questor has the kind of personality and sense of humor that should make for a lot of potential for friendship between him and Raven (especially when it comes to humor at Gar's expense...Questor would probably be the first one to laugh the moment Raven makes a snarky comment playing off from something Gar said or did). I find it pretty disappointing that with the number of Beast Boy-centric fics there are on this site, I can't even find a handful where Questor makes even a cameo appearance.
theeternalguest— More or less, exactly. I particularly gave Slade and Arella a lot of background exposure because I'm considering making them major supporting characters.
necro-wulf— Not quite as awkward as Slade being her step-father, though. Just "yeah, this person who was once my team's most hated adversary is suddenly going to be my mother's partner. Oh joy!" I actually kinda forgot about Mandy and Candi, but it should be implied that their stay in Hell is temporary. I'm not sure whether I'm just going to let their release be one of those things that happens "off screen" or if I'll actually do something with them (I could imagine that they'd now be pretty well primed for becoming supervillains if I wanted to bring them back into the story). I originally intended to use them as disposable OCs, but now that I think of it, there might be some potential for them. And I agree about DC seemingly punishing innocence—it seems to be a universe of the most horrid suffering.
HeartedJ— I kinda figured you were guessing there was some sort of cooperation between Slade and Arella, just from how much you expressed that you didn't want to spoil anything.
Bluedog197— If Arella did see, she would have probably chewed Raven out about it. So, it can be presumed that she wasn't watching at that particular moment. As for Arella occasionally watching her daughter, I would think of it more within the context of a mother checking in on her child than a stalker per se. Arella's not obsessed with Raven, but she wants to make sure everything's okay and that her daughter is still on the right path. It's not like she can pick up a phone and call her or anything, so that interdimensional viewer/portal thing is about all she's got.
OMAC001— Hell, even at the dawn of evolutionary theory, Darwin recognized that hybrids aren't always sterile (even though he did kinda overestimate the occurrence of sterility amongst hybrids). If two species are close enough relatives on the evolutionary scale and have the same chromosome count, there's a good chance that at least one gender of their offspring will be fertile. And hell, even hybrids with mismatched chromosomes can be fertile sometimes. A horse has 32 pairs of chromosomes and a donkey has 31 pairs of chromosomes, so a mule always has 63 chromosomes (and hence one chromosome is unpaired), but even mules (contrary to popular belief) can be fertile on rare occasions. There actually have been cases where a molly has successfully been impregnated by a stallion (the offspring of which actually should generally be fertile, since it would end up having an even number of chromosomes—64, like the horse), although mollies have an extremely infrequent ovulation cycle. Jacks, though, have such a low sperm count that they effectively can never reproduce at all.
BartWLewis— I'm actually considering bumping Slarella up to the status of being one of the primary pairings (alongside BBRae and RobStar) in this series.
the missing link— Yeah, Raven's definitely not gonna be happy.
JOHNXgambit— Yeah. When you think about it, it is amazing that Gar hasn't gone insane yet.
Jimmy1201— Glad you like the premise of the story. Comic canon considered, Gar's actually a lot better educated than one might think—Steve was constantly hiring tutors for him, in his younger years Tawaba actually dedicated three of his village's wise men to educating Gar (since Tawaba effectively adopted Gar after his parents died, making Gar a Prince in Tawaba's Royal House), and there's always the leg up that being the child of two gifted scientists gave him before that even. Raven never saw Gar's hands because, in the cartoon canon, he never appears without his gloves on. Yeah, Beast Boy's other aspects would probably have been a lot less helpful than Akili (his intellect), Busara (his wisdom) and Mnyama/the Beast (his instincts)...those three aspects are about as helpful as it gets for guides within his mindscape, I would figure. As for why the government agents are trying to stay at arm's length from Gar...to overtly support him would make his whole action an American action, which could actually poison the whole enterprise given the reality of global geopolitics in the era since the initiation of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq (not to mention, overt support would expose Washington to blowback from the operation). And yeah, there's actually a couple named tropes for a moment like that being ruined: "Almost Kiss" and "Moment Killer" (and then the dance scene a few chapters later invokes "Moment Killer," "Can't Spit it Out" and "False Start"). And, finally, I do the exposition because I'm blending so many different canons and non-canon stuff that no one would know what's going on if I didn't! lol
Hairul The Nightrage Beast— Well, the love has been declared, and just in the nick of time (I don't want to spoil anything, but there'll be even more drama and distractions in the next few chapters—I think I might change the "Adventure" to "Drama" in this story's description).
fusiontech45— The fact that you brought up Raven's "kids" is a beautiful coincidence, as I was actually previously planning on bringing them into the picture as soon as the "Will They or Won't They?" arc of the BBRae romance plot was settled. They should be entering the picture soon, with dramatic effect.
Annatheavidreader— You make good points, but I must clarify that I had no intention to do so anyway. I was merely saying that the temptation was there, but if I was one to give in to temptation, Gar and Raven would have been necking ten chapters ago. That said, I probably will explore other pairings in other stories independent of this series.
shugokage— Well, Teen Titans Go! #44 influenced me a lot in the dynamic of how Raven and Arella would interact with each other.
LiumD— Gar and Rae will remain monogamous in this story and its sequels, but there are a large number of DC universe heroines (and villainesses) who I'd be curious to see paired with Gar. The only pairing involving Gar that I have no interest whatsoever in is BBTerra, seeing as my assessment of Terra is that she is nothing but a traitor and a backstabber. Moreover, the one pairing involving Rae that I have no interest in whatsoever is RobRae, seeing as the cartoon universe's extended canon very clearly has Robin seeing Raven in a sororal role (in Teen Titans Go! #47, Robin actually refers to Raven as being "like the sister I never had"). All of that aside, BBRae is still my preferred pairing and, so long as I have them being together, they're going to be exclusive.
JasonVUK— Well, he kinda did snap at her once. When they bumped into each other in the hallway in "The Beast Within." That said, he had a lot of good points even if he chose the exact worst time to raise them (seeing as she had just before that taken an unusually apologetic stance with him).
liketotescray— Don't worry, I'm not actually gonna do it.