Title: Change
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Bella + Edward + Venom change. TUH DAH. Bout time, right? I know.
"Carlisle and Jasper are in the hallway ready to stop me if something goes wrong." Edward sounded more like he was convincing himself than me.
"Jasper?" I was surprise. Out of all of the family, Jasper was the least resistant to blood.
"He's not coming in." Edward explained. "He is just there to monitor my emotions in case I get carried away."
That made sense.
I was sitting in the middle of his bed with my arms wrapped securely around my knees. He was still standing, staring at me incredulously.
"Bella, you're scared." He interpreted my body language.
"Shutup."
He slid onto the bed with me and wrapped me in his arms. "I don't want you to be scared, Bella."
I turned in his lap so that I was facing him. I wrapped my legs around his torso, and my arms around his neck.
"The only thing I have left to be afraid of is losing you."
"You don't have to go to these extremes to assure that you keep me. I am your husband, I will never leave you, isn't that enou-"
"Edward, look at me!" I insisted. " I'm already unworthy of you as it is. Why on earth would I want to get old and die when-"
He pressed his fingers to my lips to silence me. "Shhhh, Bella, Bella…." He cooed. "You will always be beautiful."
"I want this, Edward. Why aren't you okay with that? Is eternity too long for you to have to deal with me?"
"Bella! Of course I want this! I want this more than anything, but my reasoning is purely selfish. I want to change you so that I never have to live a day without you, not that I intended to anyways, but I want nothing more than to be able to spend eternity with you. But, the small portion of me that is human is concerned about what is best for you."
"You are what's best for me."
He shook his head. "You can't know that if you have never given anything else a chance."
"Yes I can." I argued.
He stared at me for a minute.
"Is this what you want?"
"Yes, Edward. More than anything."
"Okay then, I just wanted to make sure that you wouldn't have any regrets."
"Edward, regrets are unavoidable. If I don't go through with this, I will regret it every day of my life. But if I do, I have already dealt with my regrets and there is no going back. I have chosen my path and faced the consequences for it already."
He could see the resolve and conclusiveness in my eyes. He ran his index finger across my face.
"I love you Isabella Marie Cullen."
I flushed with joy and he chuckled. "I'm going to miss that." He said as he stroked my pink cheeks with his thumb.
Without another word, he pulled me down with him on the bed and rested his head on my chest. A moment later, and he lifted my wrist and pressed it against his nose and inhaled my scent. I let my free hand run through his hair and up and down his back comfortably.
Without warning, his lips pressed to mine. Gently, at first, and then with increasing urgency. The kiss evolved into something much different. The kiss reminded me of when he said goodbye. I pulled away.
"Why are you acting like you are never going to see me again?"
He hesitated, still inches away from my face. When he spoke, his cool breath cascaded across me and sent my head spinning.
"I'm apologizing, not saying goodbye." He breathed against my cheek. "I'm so afraid to hurt you."
"You wont." I promised him.
"I will. All of the pain you will feel for the next three days will be the product of my venom. I feel so selfish right now, even with the assurance that this is what you want. For the next three days, I will suffer with you, but not nearly as much. You are my heart, Bella. You are the only thing alive about me, and the next three days, I will watch it suffer and finally cease to possess a pulse. I will hurt you, and I know it. But as punishment for my selfish deed, I will watch the one thing I love in this world suffer at my expense."
I pulled my arms free of his body and placed my hands on either side of his face.
"Edward, I am not afraid. I will be fine."
I kissed him again. His cold lips melted into mine and his sweet breath filled my senses.
"Wrist, or neck?" He murmured.
"Whatever is easiest for you."
He stiffened and sat up on the bed. "What's easiest for me may be different than what is easiest for you."
"Wrist then, that's where it was last time."
He cringed at the memory.
I sat up and settled myself comfortably in his lap again. He wrapped his fingers around my elbow and let them slowly slide to my wrist. He inhaled the scent once more and smiled.
"I'm going to miss that too,"
"But it will be easier for you when I am not so appetizing." I pointed out.
"Bella, love, you will always be appetizing. But after this, it will not be in a life threatening way."
I nodded.
"I can't hurt you." He whispered again while staring at my wrist.
"Carlisle can do it."
"No."
I felt a strong sense of guilt. Edward was torn. One look at his beautiful, tortured face made that obvious.He wanted so badly to do this, but he was so afraid to lose control. I felt so selfish. I felt like I was forcing him to make the most painful decision in the world.
"Edward, if you don't want -"
"I do, Bella. I will." His eyes suddenly flashed with a fierce determination. "Are you ready?"
I gulped and nodded.
"Carlisle," He spoke louder. "We're ready."
The response that was only audible to Edward seemed to relax him more.
"Carlisle is there."
I nodded again.
"I love you Bella." He whispered against my wrist as his ice-cold teeth settled into position.
"I love you t -" My response was cut short by an irrepressible gasp. The pain in my wrist was surreal. I had no memory of any pain this vivid when I had been bitten my James. I clenched my lip between my teeth to steady myself. I didn't want Edward to see how much pain I was in.
I felt his teeth suddenly withdraw from my arm, vanishing the pain with their absence. His lips were still in place though. I could feel the steady course of my blood leaving my veins. Edward was still taking my blood. I expected he would allow himself to do so, at least a little bit. I didn't know how much he considered to be a little bit, though. And what was more, I didn't know if his idea of a 'little bit' would be fatal to me. I should have felt fear. I should have called out for Carlisle. But all I could feel was an undying love for this beautiful creature sucking the life from my veins. All I could feel was love, and then, sick. The scent of the blood was too much for me. I craned my neck, trying desperately to get as far away from the blood as I possibly could.
Edward was still drinking. How much more blood could I afford to lose before I died? As if in response, I felt the pressure release from my wrist. Edwards onyx eyes blinked at me from a foot away. He looked tortured and desperate. I knew he was struggling with the human in him. He wanted more, but he knew he had to stop. I could already feel the weakness the loss of blood had resulted in. His pained, angelic face faded from before me as my consciousness slipped away.
I didn't know how long I was out for, but I awoke to the familiar pain in my arm. My vision was blurred, and imperfect, but I could make out Edwards cold figure laying next to me.
"There's that fire again." I made a weak attempt at humor.
"Bella, I'm so sorry." He ignored my joke.
"No." I failed to shake my head. "Thank you."
"What can I do to make this easier for you?" His tortured face swam into focus.
"Hold my hand." I instructed. "It burns."
He obediently wove his fingers through mine. The cool of his skin relieved some of the discomfort, but the pain was still present. I knew that in a short time, the venom would spread and the pain would consume my entire body. I fought to conceal my agony from Edward, but he was wise enough to avoid looking at my face. He held my hand securely and pressed as much of his body as he could against mine, anticipating my pending pain as much as I was.
"I almost lost control, Bella. I was so scared."
"But you didn't."
"No."
"And now its all over."
"Not yet." He whispered.
"Yes, the hard part is over."
"But not for you."
I made a weak attempt at shrugging.
"Thank you for believing in me." He breathed into my ear.
I smiled, and shuddered involuntarily, causing his arms to tighten around me.
"Sleep, Bella. It will be the last chance you have, and the more time you can spend sleeping, the better."
His head rested on my chest and I gave in to a forced, fitful sleep. As I slept, Edward continued to press his ear to my chest and monitor the slowing beats of my heart until eventually, they stopped all together.
10 hours later, I had lost my ability to sleep. I awoke to the most agonizing pain I had ever experienced. For Edward's sake, I held back the blood curdling screams of pain that built up inside me. I writhed in the bed for a seemingly endless amount of time enduring my own personal hell. The only thing that could have been worse than this is if Edward wasn't by my side. I could always feel him, pressing his body against mine in his best effort to relieve my pain. As grateful as I was for him, I couldn't show it. I could feel my expressions reflecting the inexplicable and torturous pain that I couldn't hide. Through my half coherent state, I vaguely remember him repeating "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Bella." As he gently cradled my body to his.
I know that I was awake for over two thirds of the change. I only had Edward and the pain to focus on for the most part. The family came and went briefly, respecting the required privacy. I managed to weakly acknowledge visits from Esme, Emmet, Carlisle, Jasper, and Alice. Rosalie never came. I didn't blame her. She had made no secret of her disapproval of my decision. I didn't remember much about any of the visits, except for once, I remember Alice and Edward arguing. Alice insisted that Edward go hunt and that she could stay with me for a few hours. Edward adamantly refused, mentioning something about his vows to stay by my side through sickness and health.
Dawn broke on the third day to find me in the most excruciating pain I had ever known. My body felt as if it was being literally ripped in half. My muscles throbbed and burned consistently. I felt my skin hardening through effort and my body fight constantly over temperature. My muscles were on fire, it seemed… but my skin was as cold as Edward's. I twisted and turned in my husbands arms. Occasionally a small moan or whimper of discomfort would escape me and I would feel his arms tighten around me reflexively.
"She's cold, Carlisle." I heard Edward report to the doctor.
"She's nearly finished." He observed. "No more than two more hours at most."
"Her eyes." Edward directed his attention.
"Red." He announced. "Less than an hour then."
They mumbled some other things that I didn't catch before I heard Edward ask - "Is everything moved?"
"Yes." Was the response. "We are waiting for you guys. Alice is going to drive you two, so you can sit in the back seat with Bella."
They continued talking, but I lost focus of what they were saying. Carlisle exited a moment later, just as I had begun to slowly recover from the pain that had captivated me for the last…….was it only three days? It seemed so much longer.
"Where are my clothes?" I suddenly realized aloud.
"You were complaining about the burning, and you said that my skin helped." Edward supplied.
I then realized that Edward's clothing was also missing. I understood, then, his focus on pressing as much of his skin to mine as he could and I was immediately grateful.
"How's the burning?"
"Gone." I replied honestly.
"Good." He nodded. "I was so impressed with you, Bella. You were so strong.
"It hurt like hell." I admitted shamelessly.
"I know it did."
He held me for a few more minutes until all of the pain vanished entirely.
"How do you feel?" He asked.
I frowned. I felt something, that was for sure. I didn't know what exactly it was that I felt though.
"I feel…."
"Thirsty." He finished for me.
That was it. I was thirsty. I had been prepared for this, but the intensity of the feeling shocked me.
"Alice and I will stop and hunt with you before we get to Denali." He answered my silence.
There it was. Fear. The elusive fear that had escaped me in the most convenient of times. There it was now, invading my calmness like a tornado. I didn't know how to hunt. What if I was bad at it? What if I couldn't handle the blood?
"You'll be fine." He promised, reading my expression. "But we really should get going before you get anymore thirsty." He warned.
I nodded in agreement.
He stood up and stretched. I realized, as he put his clothes on, that he hadn't left this bed in almost 4 days. Another surge of gratefulness flowed through me as I followed suit, gathering my clothes with surprising speed and grace from the floor. Yes, this was going to take some getting used to. Edward smiled, and held out his hand for me. He felt much softer to the touch now that I was less breakable. I marveled at the ease with which I descended the stairs. I didn't trip at all. I grinned, proud of the undeserved accomplishment. Edward didn't need to save me from falling to my death at all. What an improvement. Edward surveyed my discoveries as he walked beside me. When I caught his eye, he was grinning widely.
"What?" I was confused.
His only response was to lift me up and lock his hands behind my head. I caught on quickly and offered no opposition. I hooked my legs around his waist and allowed our lips to collide dangerously as he pressed my back into the stairway wall much more forcefully than he would normally have. The force was welcomed. It was so much different to kiss Edward when I wasn't fragile. I didn't feel so weak and breakable anymore. His tongue parted my lips and fearlessly darted in and out of my mouth. The caution that had always been present before was completely absent now.
"I can't wait to get to the house." He grinned.
I was very pleased to find that my thirst and desire for blood did not overpower my desire for Edward. All of the same urges were still there, the only difference was the addition of another, still unfamiliar, one.
The kiss could not last long. His family…… our family was waiting downstairs to welcome us back.
Still holding his hand tightly, we descended the remaining flight of stairs to greet the family, and our future.