Chapter Seven

Shatter His World

"So basically, he has to redo tasks to recreate the paths in his head to be able to do them?" Renji said, looking at Urahara, who was humming over his read outs.

Urahara nodded. "Basically, the only thing that was safe was the part that the hollow protected, the core of his soul. And even that was damaged. None of these readings make sense though. Even after the hollow did whatever he did…"

The eccentric scientist looked thoughtful. "Okay, think of it this way, the hollow somehow managed to create a pure reiatsu barrier that over the years was all he was pouring energy into. It was a shield of sorts, keeping the core of his soul away from the raging lightning that was striking out looking for that small core of his soul. Mayuri-san was impressed by this, so that's saying something. Whoever made this is a genius, a sadistic horrible genius, but a genius nonetheless."

Renji rubbed his head. "So…that's why he can't figure out how to do things that he should know, and why he can't talk like normal?"

"Well, it is a combination of two things. First, the hollow basically had to rebuild a huge portion of his mind, including his memories. Second, he'd been basically programed to respond to commands during the time that his mind was shattered. He was essentially no more than a trained pet for that time. That was, after all, what they sought to accomplish. It wasn't meant to be fixed," Urahara said softly.

By now, Rukia had wandered to the large table in the fourth division where Urahara was methodically going over readings. "What do you mean, it wasn't meant to be fixed?"

Urahara sighed. "He was meant to stay that way. What they did was permanent, at least it should have been. Even after restoring his mind to full capacity, the overriding instincts and programming would have kicked in. He would gain new memories, but everything that was lost would remain so. As I'm sure you noticed the scars on his forearms weren't affected by Inoue's magic like usual. Inoue can do much, but she cannot restore a soul that's been ripped apart or obliterated. And that device was meant to slowly obliterate his soul, leaving him merely a husk of what he had been."

Rukia shook her head. "That's terrible. I mean, that's above and beyond just trying to get the king's key like we've suspected. If he wanted to destroy him like that, what happened?"

There was a deep sigh as Urahara laid out two scans. One was a reading of Ichigo's reiatsu before and the other after the cuffs had finally been extracted. "He wasn't expecting us to extract the cuffs, for one, and for another he wasn't expecting Ichigo's hollow to protect him like that. Since both things happened, that core of soul has been released, and now it is trying to reassert itself in him. But, he was under the illusion before the cuffs were used, so even in his soul core, he is still fighting that illusion. His training is trying to take over when he's in stressed situations and when hit with the wrong stimulus he'll panic."

"So what do we do?" Rukia asked softly. "I mean, he can't go home like this, they'll put him away in one of those hospitals and he'll never leave again."

Urahara nodded. "You are correct, so we have to get him to come back to himself here. And I have to warn you…I can't say if he'll ever be exactly the same. There was damage to the soul core towards the end. How much is hard to tell at this point. Something is off on these scans and I can't seem to identify it. At this point, it is up to him. But…I'll caution you both. To return to his whole self will bring all of it back, all the memories that he may only vaguely remember at this point. His hollow released them in full, but he's reacting and trying to push them away."

Renji nodded. "Oh, I found him wrapped around Uryū this morning!" he said as if remembering suddenly.

Rukia arched a brow and Urahara smiled broadly. "Was he? What happened?"

"Well, Rukia said last night he wouldn't let Uryū leave, and he slept easier. So, I went to see about getting him a proper bath this morning and he had his arms around Uryū's waist and his head in his lap. Poor Uryū looked like a trapped rat when he realized he couldn't get up and that I'd walked in on him," he said with a grin.

Urahara let out a slow sigh. "That's an incredible improvement in a short time. It isn't Byakuya-san but it's a place to start. At least he's reaching out to someone. Will Uryū stay with him?"

Rukia shrugged. "I…he has school, unless he wanted to get excused from it."

Renji grinned wolfishly until Rukia frowned at him. "I left him this morning taking Ichigo to the bath…I wonder how that went…"

Rukia sighed. "Only you, pervert. Anyway, we should let Uryū know about this retraining thing so he understands why he's having to show him how to do simple things again."

"Please, do, Rukia-san. Make sure he understands that he is going to go slowly at first, but he will regain the skills very quickly. Unlike a child who has to be shown many times, he may only need to be shown once and allowed to practice to pick up skills. It will all be things that he wasn't allowed to do while he was trained. So I imagine a bath was an experience…" Urahara said thoughtfully.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Urahara had no idea how right he was. About the bath, of course. Uryū led Ichigo down into the room and he just stood there looking around quietly. Uryū turned on the water to fill the tub and turned back to see Ichigo staring at his reflection in the large mirror. He reached out and touched the reflection, a frown marring his face as he looked over himself in the light-colored yukata.

Uryū cleared his throat, but got no response, so he moved closer and tapped his shoulder, seeing him jump a bit and then turn to him. "What's the matter?"

"That's me," Ichigo said absently, still holding a finger to the reflection. "It's not me."

Uryū frowned. "What do you mean?"

"This…this is not…but…it is…" he stammered over the words, obviously confused about what he was trying to get across.

"Well, it is you now. But once you're better and back to normal it will really be you again," he said pulling him away from the reflection.

Ichigo stared at him thoughtfully, as though the words were taking a while to process. And of course, the truth was, that was exactly what was happening. Thoughts were like mud to him right now, especially when Pet and Truth were both trying to assert control at the same time. Then he heard Child giggling in the background and he wanted to scream. To have all three of them vying for control was tearing his head apart. It made things so slow. His thoughts tended to flow sluggishly or trickle where they used to gush in floods in his quick mind. He knew this was wrong. He knew it at his very core, but it was like he was stuck in glue entirely. His tongue would stick and the words would choke and he couldn't even complete a coherent thought.

And now he was trying to figure out how to get across to Uryū what he meant. And it was important. But again, his tongue stuck and stuttered until the words died before they'd even begun.

This was the effect of trying to make things reconnect in his mind and being unable. The segments of his soul didn't help matters, but he honestly couldn't make things work. Whatever Shiro had fixed was still damaged. Shiro had done his best, but things weren't fixed at all. He was shattered beyond belief, and he had no way to tell Uryū this.

Uryū frowned as he watched the struggle play out on Ichigo's face and then he watched as Ichigo finally let out a resigned sigh. It was almost worse to see this than watching him struggle with figuring out chopsticks again. Then he thought, what else did he have to relearn? He glanced at the bath. If he hadn't actually been allowed to have a real bath in years… He would have no idea how to go about it at all by now. Well, Uryū thought, stripping his shirt off and figuring there was nothing to it. Wasn't like Ichigo had anything he didn't have.

"Ichigo, we're going to put you in the water now, is that okay?" he said, leading the still dressed Ichigo to the side of the bath. Ichigo stared at it, frowning deeply, and Uryū almost smiled because he almost looked like he was about to knit his brow together in that familiar scowl.

A shiver took him and he shook his head. "Ah…no."

Uryū frowned. "You need to wash out your hair, and a good warm soak will help your muscles feel better, too."

Ichigo crossed his arms, clutching his shoulders protectively. "It hurts…" he muttered, staring at the water.

"Ichigo, you don't have any wounds, so there's nothing that will sting, remember, they healed them all up?" he said, thinking perhaps that the problem was that when he'd had water used it was to clean wounds.

He shook his head. "No, hurts here," he said slowly, patting his chest.

At first, Uryū couldn't figure out what he meant then his eyes widened slightly. "Ichigo, did they try and hold your head under water?"

Ichigo nodded. "Coughing; it hurts. Hot. Cold. Hurts."

Uryū sighed. Great. Another hurdle he had to get past with him. He looked around, trying to figure out how in the world he was going to get someone who had acquired a fear of water into a bath of water.

"Oi, Ichigo, if I get in with you, will you sit with me?" he asked, thinking leading by example would help. "I'll get in and sit down and you get in afterward. You'll be fine."

Ichigo looked at him and thought for a long while. Uryū was sure the slow thinking process was going to kill him. Then he realized it must be torture for Ichigo, having always been quick with wit, retorts, and insults. "Hot?" he asked, frowning again, staring at the tub of water.

Uryū shook his head, then sighed. He undid his pants but stayed in his boxers. He stepped into the water. "See? It isn't hot, it is nice and warm."

Ichigo stepped forward nodding and slowly stepped into the water. Uryū smiled. Victory! Then he realized he was still in the Yukata. Well, that wouldn't do.

"Ichigo, we have to take this off so you can get all the way clean, okay?" he said, untying it as Ichigo watched numbly.

He turned him around and pulled it off his shoulders then pressed down so he could sit. At first, Ichigo started a little and then relaxed as Uryū kneeled beside him. He almost looked surprised that he was safe and he nodded, his hands playing under the surface of the water slowly.

"You remember how to do this?" he asked, holding up a soapy sponge. Ichigo tilted his head to the side and blinked that slow blink that Uryū was beginning to understand meant he was trying very hard to make the connection between the object and what he was supposed to use it for. He'd seen it when he retaught him the chopsticks. A long slow blink as he tried to gather the thoughts.

"Didn't think so," Uryū said with a sigh and placed it in his hand, and proceeded to direct his hands to washing himself with it. It only took a few times and he seemed to pick up on it and soon enough he'd cleaned all of himself except his hair.

As soon as Uryū reached for his head though, he flinched, splashing water out onto the floor. Well, what did he expect? Of course, he wasn't going to want someone to hold his head in the water if they'd used water to torture him and force him to breathe in water. He figured he'd lead by example this time. He picked up the pouring cup and doused his own black hair. Ichigo watched, again, long slow blink, making those connections. Uryū handed him a full pouring cup to him to indicate for him to do it. He was about to and Uryū stopped him.

"Close your eyes and your mouth and don't breathe until the water's gone, okay?" he reminded him. Last thing he needed was him to accidently drown himself.

He poured the water over his head slowly and sputtered a little, but despite panting a bit, looked okay. Uryū poured a dab of shampoo in his hand and worked it into his own hair and then held it out to Ichigo to see if he'd let him do the same for him. He didn't quite trust in Ichigo's ability to thoroughly clean the mess on his head. It was a long unruly mess. He slowly nodded and Uryū moved behind him and began the process. He was quite disgusted by the mats and nests in his hair, and underneath, quite a few places flaked with dried blood and he didn't even want to know what else. He frowned and reached over to his pants and pulled out his spare sewing kit, taking out a small set of scissors.

"Ichigo, I'm going to have to cut some of these spots out, and I'll trim it up so it doesn't look bad, okay? It's way too long for you right now anyway," he said, proceeding to snip quickly, until to his pleasure the hair, though still a little long, looked much closer than in once had to the way he normally wore it. When he was done, there was a pile of dingy hair on the floor, and his hair now came down just below his shoulders. He smiled at his work, the hair damp but already attempting to stick straight out in the untamed way he was used to seeing. He'd managed to remove all the nests and matted spots, and in the middle of all that, Ichigo had leaned back against him. To his surprise, he looked down as his head flopped backward, and he realized, he'd fallen asleep.

"Jeeze, Uryū, now you take baths with him? People are gonna talk," Renji's voice came from the doorway, making him nearly jump, almost dropping the scissors in the water.

"Dammit, Renji, don't do that," he muttered. "Here, can you help me, I have to rinse his hair, he fell asleep while I was clipping out the mats and stuff."

Renji faltered. "Is that a good idea, what if he wakes up?"

Uryū rolled his eyes. "Look the water is turning cold, and if I don't get him out, he's going to freeze and so am I."

Renji nodded. "What should I do?" he asked as he kneeled beside the tub.

"Here, just hold up his shoulders up out of the water while I rinse this soap off him. Don't jostle him; I nearly didn't get him in the damn bath. Apparently, they had tried to drown him a time or two. Said water hurt his chest, and then he asked if it was hot, so that's why I had to get in. I wonder if there was anything they didn't torture him with. Food, water, baths… How sick and twisted can you get? So now I'm soaked to the bone to get him here. Otherwise he wasn't coming near it," he said as Renji held him up, Uryū held up his head as he ran water over the now bright orange hair. That did look a lot more like the Ichigo he remembered.

Unfortunately, even though he would have liked the simple thing to have gone like that, Ichigo chose that moment to open his eyes. He saw Renji leaning over him. Renji's eyes widened as Ichigo's blinked and twitched wildly as he started to fight against him. Uryū cursed under his breath, dropping the container and wrapping both arms around his back, as Renji jerked backward away from him.

"Dammit," Renji muttered under his breath, his kusodo soaked and half his hakama as water violently sloshed out of the bath at him.

"Ichigo, stop, I'm here, remember?" Uryū said, and the thrashing stopped, though he could feel the hammering of Ichigo's heart under his arms. "Remember, Renji is your friend? Aizen hurt you, and used Renji's face. But it wasn't him, remember?"

Ichigo's breathing leveled off and his heart began to slow as he stared at the now half naked Renji. Pet kept trying to shove thoughts in his mind about how he had to obey Renji. Truth was pushing back though. This wasn't the smirking Renji. This was the warm Renji, which was fierce but loyal, that he'd fought with but who lost and wanted Ichigo to still save Rukia for him. Ichigo frowned again, a long slow blink, and reached outward toward Renji's face. Renji moved forward, eyes flitting between Ichigo's hand and Uryū who gave a slight nod. He gently brushed fingertips over his cheek and jumped when a smile spread across his face but…it was a real smile…so he touched his fingertips against his cheek again.

He closed his eyes. "Renji…not Renji-sama," he whispered as if trying to convince himself. "Renji is a friend, not Renji-sama…Renji-sama hurt me, not Renji."

Renji nodded enthusiastically. "That's right, Ichigo. That's right. It was an illusion, Aizen made it."

"Tired," Ichigo said with a sigh, nearly falling into Uryū again.

"Okay, hey, let's get you out and dry and in fresh clothes, first okay?" Uryū said, pulling him to his feet and wrapping a towel about his waist and one around his shoulders. Renji snickered and pointed to Uryū's soaked boxers. He got a glare in return.

Between the two of them, they dried and dressed the half-asleep orange haired Shinigami. Renji was just happy he wasn't flinching away and screaming every time he came near. But he knew that it might happen again. Five years locked into that hellish illusion had taken its toll on him. Renji thought it would have killed someone else besides Ichigo. He wondered if he could have lived through the hell he'd gone through, and as strong as he considered himself, he seriously had his doubts.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Shūhei sighed as he wandered through Kuchiki manor and knocked on the door they'd said Ichigo and Uryū were in. It was open, so he looked in to see the blonde Arrancar that had brought Ichigo back to Soul Society sitting on one of the futons with a flower twirling between his hands. He looked up when Shūhei came into the room. Despite his intentions, Shūhei needed to know something. He went into the room and approached him.

"Hey, do you remember what happened before you died the first time?" he asked.

Wonderweiss looked at him and nodded once.

"What happened with Tōsen-taichou? Why did he turn into that thing he was?" Shūhei asked.

Wonderweiss looked at him for a moment. "Tōsen was good to me."

Shūhei blinked. "What do you mean?" Shūhei wasn't familiar with the two ways that Wonderweiss communicated, so he didn't note that he was speaking in the complete way he had now and then.

"Tōsen did his best," Wonderweiss said. "I liked him. I was sad that he was gone when I came back," he said and sighed. "Tōsen would have not liked what Aizen did to my Friend Pet."

Shūhei frowned and then stood up as Renji and Uryū came in leading a half asleep looking Ichigo. He was clean, at least, and his hair wasn't a matted-up mess. It seemed the bath had succeeded. He watched as Uryū got Ichigo onto the bed and then looked at him.

"Hisagi, what did you need?" Uryū asked tiredly.

"Urahara-san sent me to find out if you were staying or if we need to make arrangements to have someone stay with him when you go," Shūhei asked with a nod.

Uryū stopped. "I…I should stay, but I need to go back to the World of the Living and make arrangements for my classes. Ah, can someone stay with him at least until I get back?" he asked, nervously.

"Yeah, let me go see who's free. I've got duties right now, or I could…"

Renji looked at him. "I can take you across and bring you back if Shūhei can find someone to sit with him for a while."

"Maybe Kon?" Uryū asked with a glance at the two lieutenants.

"I don't think that's good for either of them," Renji said. "I saw Kon with his two lovers earlier and he's having a really tough time with this. Shiba-san would be the next person, but Ichigo seems detached from him as well."

"Well, find out who can do it, I'll wait here until someone can replace me," Uryū said as he sat down beside him.

Uryū had actually almost fallen asleep when someone shook his shoulder. He looked up to see Renji and Komamura-taichou.

"Komamura-taichou offered to stay with him for a while until Shūhei can come back," Renji explained. "How long do you think it will take you to arrange things?" Renji asked as Uryū followed him out the door.

"A few hours, I think. I don't want to leave him alone all night," Uryū said as he glanced back. Wonderweiss had gone out to play in the garden and Sajin sat down nearby with a book to read.

Sajin watched them leave and then looked out to see what the Arrancar was doing. He seemed innocent enough, but he, and all the other captains, were suspicious. He could have sent anyone else, but the head captain had decided that they needed to keep someone with at least a Bankai near Ichigo. Despite the appearances, Ichigo still was capable of a lot of damage, and in his state, he could be dangerous. Byakuya was out of the house currently, and with Renji leaving with Uryū, the head captain had wanted someone to stay with him. Considering Ukitake and Kyōraku were both used against him, Sajin thought he would be able to handle him.

Ichigo woke and stared at the ceiling. A smile spread across his face because Child had managed to sneak control away from Truth and Pet. They were arguing again, and they hadn't noticed at all. He giggled and rolled onto his stomach to look around the room. His eyes landed on Sajin and he tilted his head to the side.

"Puppy?" he asked in a much higher pitched voice than normal.

Sajin blinked and looked at him, surprised at the strange reaction. "Ichigo?" he asked.

Ichigo crawled toward him curiously and then sat up on his knees beside him. He reached out and stroked a hand over Sajin's face. "Soft," he muttered in that same higher pitched voice. He sighed and crawled past him and looked outside. Wonderweiss was still there.

"Play!" Ichigo nearly shrieked, startling both Sajin and Wonderweiss who looked up with an equally confused face.

"Pet friend?" Wonderweiss said from where he was sitting in the flowers.

"No!" Ichigo said as he scrambled to his feet and out into the garden. "Pet fighting with Truth…" he muttered just loud enough for Sajin to hear.

Sajin frowned and turned to watch them. Ichigo sat down and began to do something that could only be described as playing. Wonderweiss looked confused by it as well, but went along with what Ichigo was doing. Ichigo seemed serene almost as he plucked flowers and began weaving them together in a rope. He then put it together and set it on his head like a crown and smiled at Sajin brightly. He then yawn and blinked wearily.

"They fight still, Pet so bad," he said as he came back into the room and flopped into Sajin's lap, surprising him. "Pet bad, bad," he said with a sigh and looked up at Sajin. "Sorry, pet bad."

Sajin adjusted to hold him better as he seemed to fall back to sleep again. He was equal parts surprised and confused. He had heard the way he was acting, but this was even stranger. And what did he mean by those things he said? He pulled him against his chest and let him sleep light that. The Arrancar came in not long after and put the flower crown Ichigo had made on Sajin's head. He laid down on the futon and fell asleep as well.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

"Kon, love, you need to stop beating yourself up," Seras said with a sigh as Kon sat on the floor in their room and rocked.

"I should have known something was wrong," he said again, swallowing a knot.

Aiko put his arm around Kon's shoulders. "Kon, you have a martyr complex, and you need to stop. You had no way of knowing he wasn't really dead. Just because you wore his form didn't mean you had some connection that told you everything about him."

Kon nodded. "I still feel responsible."

"Stop that," Rukia said from the doorway.

They all looked up at her. "Sister Rukia?" Kon said.

"Yeah, stop it. You need to quit acting like this. Ichigo doesn't need to feel like he's the cause of your pain, Kon, so pull yourself up. For him," she said and grimaced. "We all feel responsible. We should have looked more, we should have done something, anything, to figure this out sooner. But none of us could have known. So instead of being mopey and full of self-hatred, we have to move on so we can help Ichigo. You want to help him, right?" Rukia demanded.

"Of course!" Kon said, sure of himself.

"Then stop acting like this. You know that if he gets his wits together, and he sees us like this, he's going to blame himself. You know him. He'll do anything to protect his friends and family. So we can't let him know how much his pain is hurting us," she said and Kon knew now he saw tears glistening in her eyes despite her firm voice. "We have to show him we are strong so he can be strong. Okay?"

Kon nodded. "You're right, I'm…I'm sorry," he said with a sigh. "I just am having a hard time handling all of this."

"I know, Kon. I know," she said and turned and left the room.

She shut the door and then headed down the hallway. Halfway down it she stopped and held herself up against the wall as she stifled a sob. She swallowed and breathed out. She had to make sure Ichigo didn't see her like this. He could never know how much she blamed herself and how much it hurt that he'd suffered like he had.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Uryū returned as it was becoming dark. He and Renji came into the room to find Sajin reading a book with Ichigo curled up fast asleep in his lap. He looked up and smiled at them. Uryū shook his head and helped Sajin get him into the futon. Ichigo immediately grabbed onto Uryū once he was down on it. Uryū bid Sajin and Renji good bye and was secretly happy. Ichigo preferred to hold onto him. He stroked Ichigo's hair and wondered exactly what was happening to him. Whatever it was his, Uryū knew that watching Ichigo suffer made his very heart ache.

Enraptured in Ichigo's presence, Uryū didn't notice Byakuya and Isshin looking in on them. The two Shinigami left the two and headed into the gardens together. Isshin looked at Byakuya.

"I sense you wish to say something," Isshin observed.

"I am struggling with this situation, Shiba," he said with a sigh.

Isshin nodded and looked on the moon. "Yeah, I'm sure you are. You don't do well with situations you can't control, even still," Isshin said and smirked at stoic captain.

Byakuya shook his head. "Your son is someone I consider a great Shinigami, and he was willing to sacrifice everything to help us. That alone was enough to gain my admiration."

"Kuchiki, stop being so uptight and proper for a while, won't you?" Isshin said with a cocked eyebrow.

"What?" Byakuya exclaimed.

Isshin shook his head. "Just say what you mean, Byakuya."

"I do not…" Byakuya began, but stopped, unable to continue.

"Not surprised you can't," Isshin muttered and shook his head. "As long as we live, there is something that we should never turn our backs on. That is people we consider special to us. Never let someone go without knowing what they mean to you, Byakuya. Even Shinigami die, and if you don't tell people what they should hear, you never know. One word, one deed, it can change the outcome of an entire life."

Byakuya stared at him. "I do not think you know what it is that I am…"

"I do, believe me. I know it when I see it. I know that look. The horror of knowing that Aizen had used your face to do something to Ichigo so unthinkable. I know why he used your face; do you?" Isshin said and turned to look on the other Shinigami. Byakuya said nothing, only watched him. "Aizen was good at knowing things he shouldn't have. He was good at seeing past illusions we all put around ourselves. I think he saw that you cared for Ichigo. He knew that Rukia and Renji cared for him, beyond a doubt. But why you? Why use your face as his master?" Isshin smiled. "He knew that it would kill you to know what he'd done, should you find out. And make no mistake, he intended us to find out one day. Maybe not like this, but he did intend it."

"You seem to believe that I have some sort of attachment to your son, and that is nto true. He is a good friend to Rukia, and…" Byakuya began.

"No, don't do this with me," Isshin said, turning serious eyes on him. "Don't, not now. I spent the last five years mourning a dead son only to find out that not only is he not dead, he's spent the last five years being tortured in the worst ways imaginable. He had no kindness. He had no love." Isshin nodded. "If it would sooth his soul, I would see that every person in the worlds loved him from now until eternity. He…he is so broken, Byakuya. So, don't…don't pretend. Don't stand on nobility or properness. Don't do this. Do what you must, but just don't act on anything but the truth of your heart. If you feel anything more than obligation, you need to acknowledge it. And stop pretending," Isshin said and turned teary eyes on Byakuya. "I would give him to the moon if the moon could sooth his pain. So if you can sooth his pain, Byakuya Kuchiki, you do it, because I cannot."

Isshin turned on his heel and left Byakuya standing in the moonlit garden wondering. Was Isshin right? Was there something more to his anger over what had been done in his name? It wasn't proper…but what did that matter?

Byakuya Kuchiki was, for the first time in a long time, confused by his own heart.