Once more, Uryū found himself with a head in his lap when he awoke the next morning. Ichigo managed to eat breakfast successfully, and then he went out into the garden and sat with Wonderweiss. Uryū had been pleased that he seemed to have retained the information on how to eat properly. Renji had explained what Urahara said while they were in the World of the Living, and it made sense. He saw when he was processing things to try and reassert those connections. Doing them, however, made the connections solidify. That also meant that to get his speech to return to some semblance of normal, he had to talk. And as much as Uryū wanted that to happen, he really was not keen to find out what he was going to say.
"Ichigo?" he asked as he got him settled for lunch. "Would you like to walk around outside today? Just around the Serietei? Might jog some of those things in your head loose."
He looked outside and then Uryū swore there was the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips. "Yeah, outside is nice," he said quietly. "Walking is nice."
Uryū nodded, well of course, he'd been chained up for five goddamned years, of course he would like to go walking around outside, something he hadn't been able to do. It was lucky that the healing between Inoue and Unohana had made sure his muscles weren't atrophied and unstable. Otherwise, walking would have been difficult without some intense physical therapy. As it was, he was certain he would tire easy. Uryū watched as he ate no longer glancing at him to ensure he was going to be allowed to do so. It was subtle, but it was there, and he was happy that Ichigo seemed to trust him more.
He shook his head, clearing his thoughts as he helped Ichigo get changed into fresh clothes. It was just easier to put him the simple yukata. Maneuvering his nearly unresponsive body into anything else was not a prospect. He would be glad when he felt comfortable enough to move under his own control without instruction, but he supposed that it was a lot to ask a couple weeks after the bloody cuffs that had nearly killed him were off. Wonderweiss had come in and was standing and watching them.
"Pet Friend is not better," he said and then looked away as though he hadn't spoken. Uryū frowned and shook his head.
Uryū carefully took Ichigo by the wrist and led him outside, and through the gates, trying to avoid as many of the Kuchiki people as he could. He glanced behind to see Wonderweiss was following him, looking around at the manor as he walked a little ways behind him. Uryū supposed he'd just have to deal with the Arrancar tailing him. When they got to the gate he informed them that they would be returning later that day after a walk. The guard looked confused but nodded. It was a quiet day and Uryū had brought him out after a late lunch, thinking that less people would be around. He was right, and watched as Ichigo slowly began to look around as he walked instead of staring at his feet. Ichigo didn't say anything, and eventually smiled to himself as he let his hand go and it wasn't grabbed back. Wonderweiss was walking close to him, but now and then would kneel and look at some small thing on the ground.
Uryū stretched again, feeling the kinks from sleeping sitting up two nights in a row. He sure hoped he would let him lie in the other futon tonight; either that or he'd just have to lie down beside him. He wasn't sure that he could take sleeping like that much more.
"Oi, Quincy, Kurosaki!" came a call, and as usual, Ichigo had no response but continued walking. Uryū turned to see Ikkaku and Yumichika jogging up to them. He thought about waving them off, but instead held up a hand for them to stop. He knew they'd been used against him, but he'd taken to doing better with Renji, Rukia, and Byakuya. Wonderweiss, however, had gone to stand near Ichigo, stopping him as he was walking. Ichigo blinked and just seemed to stand there.
Uryū reached out and put his hand on Ichigo, who turned and stared at him blankly for a minute. "Ichigo, some friends came to see you, can we turn around?" he asked softly.
The frown returned but he nodded a bit. Ikkaku and Yumichika exchanged glances as they approached, and Ichigo turned to face them. He flinched violently away from them, though, eyes wide at them.
Uryū stood his ground, grabbing him by the shoulders to still him. "No, stop, Ichigo. Remember? Think."
Wonderweiss stood beside him. "Pet Friend, okay, more Friends."
Ikkaku and Yumichika had come up within an arm's length by now, frowning. The last they had heard was that he was still injured and something about reiatsu sealing cuffs that messed with his head somehow. They had no idea how seriously, though.
Ichigo was shaking slightly as he looked them over one at a time. "Ikkaku…" he said and frowned, holding up his hands and rubbing them almost violently. It was obvious he was in a memory of Ikkaku's double.
"Ichigo, it wasn't Ikkaku, remember, the illusion?" he said softly. "Ikkaku would never hurt you like that. You fought each other and sparred, and your friends," Uryū continued pulling his hands away from each other.
"Pierced hands," he said softly, holding up his hands as though he expected there to be gaping holes in them. And in his mind, all Ichigo saw was that spear-like Zanpakutō slicing through both of his hands into the ground below them. But the face had been wrong. Something wrong with the face. "Was Ikkaku, wasn't Ikkaku…burning cuts…burning from the jug…"
"Uryū, what the hell is wrong with him?" Ikkaku asked, finally.
Uryū let Ichigo struggle with his memories but kept his hands firmly on the back of his shoulders to keep him from bolting. He kept looking at his hands and rubbing them.
"How much did you hear about what happened?" Uryū asked them.
Ikkaku shook his head. "Something about him being held for a long time, and tortured and having his reiatsu sealed. Just something really bad and that he was pretty messed up. Enough to put everyone on edge, but we don't know exact details."
"Well, it was more than that. The cuffs that sealed his power nearly deteriorated his entire mind and soul. They were meant to destroy him completely and leave him a shell. But the worst is that each of you were used in Aizen's perfect hypnosis. So for years, his tormenters were everyone from soul society. And obviously, Ikkaku was used at some point. You both were on the list of Shinigami that Arrancar told us Aizen used against him," Uryū said as Ichigo's gaze had returned to Ikkaku. "So right now, he's trying to break through that illusion, but it is taking a lot of time. Which is why I'm here, I was never used against him."
Yumichika and Ikkaku weren't sure what to say. "What? Seriously?" Ikkaku finally said. "What the hell does he think I did to him?"
Uryū sighed, looking a bit uncomfortable. "Not sure, but considering he's staring at his hands where there were some nasty sword sized wounds, my guess is his hands were pinned by your Zanpakutō in his illusion, Wonderweiss had said pain and dripping drinks…and when his inner hollow surfaced briefly, he said that Ikkaku had cut him and poured sake into the wounds," he said, gesturing to the sake jug Ikkaku had on him today.
"The hell? Why would someone do that?" he asked. He reached out to grasp Ichigo's shoulder to bring his eyes up from his hands, but as soon as the hand touched his shoulder he yelped and jerked away, nearly knocking Uryū over. If he hadn't been prepared, he would have tumbled onto his ass. Wonderweiss grabbed his arm too, just in case it seemed.
"Ichigo!" Uryū asserted, holding him steady. "Stop, remember?"
"N-not him…stop…wouldn't do this…stop…" he was muttering, shaking his head, going for his hair again snatching hands into the significantly shorter locks as he muttered again. Uryū moved in front of him and grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands away from his hair.
"Dammit, Ichigo, you're going to snatch yourself bald if you do this every damn time we see someone new!" he growled.
Ichigo fixed him with a stare and a nod, his breath starting to slow a bit. "There, okay, see, what did I tell you?" Uryū said as he watched him calm.
"Not Ikkaku…was Ikkaku-sama…" he breathed finally. "Not Yumichika, was Yumichika-sama…"
"That's right, that's it, are you relaxed, can I let you go?" Uryū asked sighing. Ichigo's short nod gave him rise to let go and return to his position behind him, just in case.
"Me? He used me too?" Yumichika asked as he heard his name.
Ichigo's head popped up and he stared at him. A grimace passed his face as he rubbed at his stomach through the yukata. "Peeling…" Ichigo muttered.
Uryū winced just thinking about it. "From what I can tell, you two were sent to him together, and Yumichika…uh…he had marks where he'd had skin flayed off of him in pieces. The hollow confirmed it too. I mean, you two weren't the worst of what happened, but I imagine that was bad enough."
Yumichika blinked and then looked at Ikkaku. "Cutting him and flaying his skin wasn't the worst of it?" he said quietly.
"Just what the hell else did Aizen and his Espada do to him?" Ikkaku asked incredulous.
Uryū bit the corner of his lip and shook his head. "Ikkaku, imagine the worst ways you can think to break someone's will, and you have your answer. Whatever it is, or how bad you want to believe a person wouldn't do to another, that's what happened. And all the time with the faces of people he knew and loved."
Ichigo's attention had faltered though, and he was looking around randomly. Wonderweiss had found a few flowers, it seemed, and he was showing them to Ichigo.
About then, though, there was a flash step and a mountainous Kenpachi showed up with a pink haired creature on his back. "Ichi! Ichi is back!" Yachiru cheered. "You play with Keni-chan again, Ichi?"
Ichigo looked up where Kenpachi and Yachiru stood in front of him. It seemed that it took a minute to register the new faces before Ichigo stumbled backward, almost into Uryū. Ichigo tripped and fell flat on his ass and stared up at the eleventh division captain with a horrified expression. Before either Wonderweiss or Uryū could stop him, Ichigo was back to his feet and running, leaving a confused Kenpachi and stunned Yachiru with Ikkaku and Yumichika who were telling their captain to wait.
"Ichigo, stop, dammit!" Uryū yelled, extremely glad he didn't seem to remember how to flash step. He didn't have trouble keeping up with his own version of the fast movement. He caught him easily, but it took him a moment to get the flailing Shinigami under control, pinning his arms down and holding him against him. Wonderweiss stood beside him and twisted his hands into each other.
"Ichigo, I need you to think again, can you please?" he practically yelled in his ear, sensing the four slowly walking up behind him. He was next to a wall and was facing Ichigo studiously into it until he felt the muscles relax completely in his body. "Okay, stay like this, stay here and look at the wall, okay?" A small nod and he let go, finding to his relief Ichigo stayed in that position, eyes flitting back and forth over the wall. Wonderweiss moved up and put his hands on Ichigo's shoulders.
Uryū let out an exasperated sign and turned to see the eleventh captain scowling. "What the hell happened to Kurosaki? I know what they said at the captain's meeting, but he's all sorts of fucked up."
Uryū nodded. "It is going to take a while. His mind is still messed up, he doesn't really know what is real and what was Aizen's illusion. At least you guys weren't the stars of Aizen's illusion."
Yumichika frowned and looked at the others. "What does that mean, stars of his illusion?"
"It means that Kuchiki-Taichou, Renji and Rukia were used against him on a daily basis. Others in soul society were used throughout, but from day one those three were his tormentors. So far as I've found, besides the physical torture and the…um…other…they used water, food, and about anything else to torture him," Uryū answered, looking at the stock-still Shinigami behind him.
"The other?" Ikkaku echoed.
Uryū shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, you know, besides beating him, slicing his skin, burning him and all that."
It seemed to finally dawn on Yumichika, while the others seemed confused. "He did that? With our faces? To him?"
"Many times, now I'm going to keep going with him, it seems he's nowhere near ready for Zaraki-Taichou yet," Uryū said, pulling Ichigo and he walked obediently beside him, staring at his feet as he did.
He vaguely heard the sharp intakes of breath behind them as they walked away. He really hoped he didn't have to explain this to every person he came across today. But this was necessary. If Ichigo didn't reconnect with people in his life, he'd never get past the illusions blocking his brain. And that wouldn't do it the slightest. Wonderweiss seemed to be wandering at the edges of the paths and collecting different flowers and plants as they went.
As he walked, Ichigo felt a sense of freedom he hadn't in a long time. The idea that he could actually run from something he feared instead of cowering into a corner was freeing. He knew that the Kenpachi he saw wasn't the same one who had tortured him, but his immediate instinct was to flee him. And to be able to actually flee…it reinforced the condition that he wasn't under someone else's control anymore. As strange as it seemed, running away seemed to have made several things click in his brain. He stopped and looked up. At least, that was how Truth saw things. The entire day had been a battle to keep Pet suppressed, and it hadn't gone entirely well.
"Can we eat?" he asked softly, shocking Uryū. He'd not asked for anything before and it hadn't been long since they'd had lunch. Wonderweiss wandered back and began to put flowers in Ichigo's hair as he stood there.
Uryū nodded. "Yeah, come on, there's a noodle place nearby."
They got several curious looks, mostly Shinigami who knew of Ichigo but didn't know him personally. A couple tried to say something only to be completely ignored by the orange haired Shinigami concentrating entirely on his bowl of soba. Uryū had hastily waved them away with a smile, hoping that no one would disturb them too much. Wonderweiss sat beside Ichigo, and garnered more attention than the broken Shingiami substitute, but he too ignored everyone. Everything seemed to be quiet for the most part, at least until he looked up to see Tōshirō and Matsumoto come into the place.
"I told you I didn't want to eat lunch here, I just had breakfast!" Tōshirō said, trying to sound assertive and not like a whining kid.
"Oh, Taichou, come on, this is the only place that serves sake this early in the afternoon!" she complained, quite loudly whining.
"Why do you need…sake…" Tōshirō started but then locked eyes with Uryū who sat silently beside Ichigo who was leaned over his food and Wonderweiss who had finished his food and was staring into space.
Matsumoto looked back to see her captain had not followed her and frowned, starting to say something when she realized where his gaze had gone. She returned to his side and Uryū sighed, glancing at the oblivious male at his side. Tōshirō and Matsumoto hadn't seen him since he'd awoken from the coma after having the cuffs removed.
Toshiro walked over and sat down at the table slowly in front of him and Matsumoto sat beside him. Both wondered if he'd look up to see them. Uryū sighed and shook his head.
"He won't acknowledge you yet, not until I direct him to," he said sadly.
"Why not?" asked Tōshirō. They both knew the basics, like everyone else, but only the Kuchikis and Renji had been through everything with them. They had attended to watch as Urahara removed the cuffs, a heart stopping affair that had been. They glanced at the Arrancar, still not quite understanding why he was being allowed to walk about freely.
Uryū nodded, reaching up and shaking him slightly. Ichigo turned his head and stared at Uryū for a moment. "Ichigo, look, some of your other friends? Friends, remember, okay? I don't want to have to chase you halfway across the Seireitei again today, okay?"
Ichigo turned and looked over both of them, at first his eyes blank and breath even. Then, his eyes blinked exceedingly slowly and he stiffened, but Uryū kept his hands on his shoulder tightly. His breath hitched and he started to nearly hyperventilate, eyes wide with something akin to shock.
"No, Ichigo, think, okay?" Not them," Uryū said quietly but strong.
Slowly his breath slowed and he closed his eyes for a long moment. "Tōshirō …not Tōshirō -sama. Tōshirō." Wonderweiss moved and put an arm around his shoulders and leaned into Ichigo. He made a cooing noise that seemed to relax Ichigo somewhat.
"What is going on? What's wrong with him?" Matsumoto asked, surprised. "I mean I know he was in bad shape…"
Uryū shook his head. "He's trying to reawaken the soul core that wasn't destroyed by those cuffs they put on him. So his head isn't right yet. He's shaking away the illusion that Aizen put there. He was tortured using soul society, and he's started separating the figures in his head by calling those images that hurt him with sama, like he was forced to do with Aizen. Now if we could get him to stop calling Byakuya Master we'd be doing great…at least he quit calling himself pet…"
"Pet?" Ichigo quirked up beside him, his eyes bright for a moment. "Good pet…" he murmured.
"No, Ichigo, no. Not pet," he said frowning. Dammit.
"Not pet…Ichigo," he said with a final tone. "Not pet. Ichigo now," he said, frowning again almost to the point of the familiar scowl. Wonderweiss patted him firmly on the back, and echoed back. "Not Pet Friend, Ichigo friend!"
"Uryū, how long is this going to take to get him back to…well normal?" Tōshirō asked.
He snorted. "Taichou, I wish I knew. Kurotsuchi-Taichou was amazed at the cruelty of what they did, so you can imagine how truly terrible it was. His soul core took some damage, but the hollow kept it from being destroyed like Aizen wanted. So he's in there. But we aren't sure how much of him is intact. Right now he has to recreate the thought process for the simplest things. It doesn't take long, like couldn't figure out how to use chopsticks. I showed him and today he's using them like normal again."
Matsumoto nodded. "But what's the pet thing?"
"Aizen had him trained to be a pet after he used those cuffs to take away most of what made him who he was. So he was trained to respond to commands and that was it. He had no mind of his own, really," Uryū said with a very deep sigh.
Ichigo had finished and now he stared at the empty dish. "I'm taking him back, though, by the time we get back, he's going to want to sleep again," Uryū said standing and pulling him up with him. He bid farewells and they headed back. Wonderweiss waited a second then looked at the others.
"Ichigo is not better yet. Ichigo is broken, fractured. He has to be put back together," Wonderweiss said, his voice much different than a few minutes ago. He smiled and took off after Uryū and Ichigo.
Tōshirō frowned watching them go. "Can that really be Kurosaki?"
Matsumoto shrugged. "It has to be him in there somewhere…"
-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-
Byakuya stood in the moongarden that night and thought about any way he could possibly make sense out of everything. What had Aizen known? He knew nothing, he couldn't have known anything. There was nothing to be known. He sighed and turned around only to find Rukia standing there watching him.
"Nii-sama," she said. "Tell me what you feel."
Byakuya thought of dismissing her but he swallowed. "I cannot betray Hisana."
Rukia nodded. "Nii-sama, she wouldn't want to see you give up every chance at happiness because she has gone from your life. You know that she would want to see you move on. And you know that she would be proud to see you move on in a way that helps someone else," she said simply and went back into the manor.
Byakuya watched her go and still wasn't sure what to do. He turned and made his way into the room that Ichigo and Uryū were staying in with the Arrancar. He heard voices as he approached, then realized it was just Ichigo's voice, but there were different pitches to it. He slid the door open just slightly and listened. He could see Uryū had fallen asleep lying on the futon beside him and Ichigo was just lying there staring at the ceiling.
"Stop it, stop it, no…" he muttered in a deeper voice. "I'll kill you all if you don't…" A pause and a giggle. "You have to find me first, Fighter. I'll hide from you!" a high pitched voice that faded out. "Hmm, no. No. Pet will run away." It almost sounded like he growled then. "I'm going to strangle you all." Another giggle. "Truth is mad…Truth is mad…I'm going to hide…" A long pause this time. "Where's he gone…gone again…stupid Child…" A short whimper. "Please…help me…" this time in a voice that was definitely Ichigo's own voice that Byakuya remembered.
Byakuya stepped inside the room then and saw that he was still awake, wide eyes staring at nothing. Byakuya knelt and put a hand against Ichigo's face. He gasped and turned to look at him. Tears sprung to his eyes. "Master, help me…I'm coming apart…too many pieces," he whispered.
"I am not your master, that was…" Byakuya began.
"No…not that Master…you…not Aizen…help me…" he said in a bare whisper.
Byakuya frowned and felt Ichigo's face turn to nuzzle into his hand. "I don't understand."
"My master, good master," he whispered. "Need masters to help…" and he seemed to fade to sleep.
There was a noise behind him and Wonderweiss was sitting up and staring at him. "Help him. He's broken. Too many pieces. Falling further apart, and he'll just…expire." Wonderweiss had the normal sound to his voice and then he laid down again.
Byakuya stood up and left quickly, walking to the fourth where Urahara had fallen asleep in one of the spare offices. He sat up when he heard the door shut.
"I'm awake!" Urahara said and saw it was Byakuya. "Oh, Kuchiki-san. Can I help you?" he asked, rubbing his face.
"I heard Ichigo as he was sleeping. He speaks in multiple voices, each one having different patterns. Why would this be?" Byakuya asked. "The Arrancar said he was broken into pieces."
Urahara frowned. "I'm not sure what that means," he said as he pulled open a file on the scans they had done for Ichigo. "The soul core was damaged. So if it fractured…" Urahara muttered.
"Soul damage is irreparable," Byakuya said as he looked at him. "There's no way to heal that sort of damage. Once the soul is harmed, it remains that way.
Urahara nodded. "Usually. But Ichigo's not like normal Shinigami. It's possible the Quincy blood might have helped…he has the blood staunching ability of his mother, but would he have inherited anything that shores up his soul…"
"Even if that were true, there's no way to repair it."
"Unless…" Urahara muttered as he put different papers over each other. "I could ask the hollow again. He might know, but he repaired the damage before. If he couldn't repair the soul, it may be a loss, and Ichigo may never recover more of his faculties than he currently has."