Title: Blame

Rating: PG

Summary: I took this chapter to give some insight into Esme's character. I like Esme a lot and I don't think she gets enough spotlight.

Disclaimer: Steph Meyers owns characters. The end.

The entire family regarded me differently in the days following Tanya's banishment. In the past week I had handled an angry hoard of newborns, the fury of Jane, and the snotty Tanya with more force than. They skirted around me like I was a force to be reckoned with, and I hated it.

I didn't want to be intimidating to anyone, I wanted to be normal. I knew that for me, normal was never going to be achievable, but I wished desperately that I could be less of a freak. Even as a vampire, I was different.

I kicked a stone across the pond absently and groaned. Even a relaxing walk across the yard could not remain un-plagued by frustrating thoughts. I had been pacing for hours, listening to the piano music flowing from the open bedroom window as Edward patiently composed his third song this week.

"Something bothering you, Bella?" Esme appeared behind me.

"No. I'm fine." I muttered in a tone that wasn't even believable to me.

"I'm sure." She returned my unconvincing accent pointedly.

When I finally returned her gaze, I was met with concern and the discreet but clearly distinct and undeserved respect that I had been trying so hard to escape.

"Why are you looking at me like you're afraid of me?" I groaned. "I'm no different than I used to be!"

She blinked, obviously taken aback by my unexpected outburst. "What on earth are you talking about, Bella?"

She looked honestly confused. I shook my head in defeat and shrugged it off. "Never mind. It's nothing."

"Isabella Marie Cullen." She scolded. "In all the literal sense, I may not be your mother, but that does not stop me from regarding you as my daughter anyways and as the mother figure I consider myself to be, I would really appreciate some explanation as to your attitude." Her voice contained every ounce of hurt and offense that I had been hoping to avoid.

I picked up a flat stone and flung it across the pond. It skipped clear to the opposite bank and landed on the grass with an audible thud, sending a disturbed and unhappy flock of swallows flying haphazardly into the air. I could feel Esme's eyes begging for a response and I struggled to compose the words to describe my emotions.

"Ever since I've been a vampire and been able to fend for myself," I started, "You all have been treating me like…….like you're afraid of me!"

The music from the bedroom came to an abrupt halt. Edward was listening now, I could sense it.

"Bella,-" She struggled for words.

"Everyone has been acting like I'm dangerous and like I am going to snap and murder one of you at any time!" I continued. "I don't want to be the freak anymore! I don't want to be intimidating or scary, I just want to be Bella….." A note of hysteria crept into my voice. True to form, even as a vampire, my emotions were hardwired to my tear ducts. Conveniently, I was unable to cry, but even so- my voice still betrayed the emotion I felt.

Sensing my distress, Esme swept me comfortingly into her arms in a very motherly gesture.

"Shhhhh, Bella." She soothed. "Calm down." She rubbed her hand lightly up and down my back to relax me. "We aren't afraid of you, sweetheart…. We're just…..grateful."

"Grateful!?" I stepped away from her as my eyes widened in disbelief.

"Yes, grateful. Do you have any idea how indebted to you I am?"

"For what!?" I felt my jaw drop in astonishment. "For making your family pick up everything and move, for putting you in danger time-after-time, for being the biggest pain in the a-"

"Oh, Bella! Do you really think that anyone holds you responsible for any of that?"

"They should." I muttered.

"No, Bella. They shouldn't, and they don't. Moving is a part of our lives. We can't stay in any place for too long, it's a part of what comes with immortality. As for this 'danger'. We are perfectly capable of taking care of yourselves in most cases. The only instance in which we have been in what we would consider as real danger, you saved us, and you know that. We owe our lives to you for that."

"But you wouldn't have needed to be saved if it weren't for the danger that I clearly put you in." I countered. "So really, that is no reason to be grateful for me."

"Do you think that's the only reason I'm equipped with?" She contradicted.

"If you can come up with more I'll be amazed." I muttered.

"Walk with me." She requested, throwing a knowing glance at the bedroom window where Edward was no doubt listening to our conversation.

The fact that she wanted to have a conversation with me away from Edward's ears intrigued me into a silent agreement. I cooperatively paced her as she set off across the yard towards the farthest corner and then even into the cover of the trees. There was a well maintained nature trail through the tree's and we followed it in silence for a long while. There was the ever present distinct sound of birds and crickets mixed with the soft whisper of the wind through the trees that remained un-broken by our silent footsteps.

"Bella," She finally spoke again… "Do you want to know why I am so grateful for you?"

"I want to know what reason you think you have to be grateful for me, yes." I nuancially rephrased her wording to fit my expectations and prepare for my pending argument.

"You didn't know Edward like I did. The only Edward you know is the Edward that we were introduced to after you came into the picture, which is a good thing."

I frowned in confusion. Was she saying that she didn't like Edward before?

"I have always loved Edward as a son, from the moment that I came into this family." She continued, "But he wasn't always so personable. He used to be a hermit, if you will. He would leave for long periods of time and he wouldn't talk to anyone about how he felt. He was lonely and angry and he didn't want to exist. He was afraid of the future, and afraid of being alone. He was the loner, not by default, but by choice. He had no one and he was more depressed than I could have ever imagined possible. Bella, I don't think I saw him smile once before you….." She trailed off. The memory of her sons previous mental state was obviously a painful one. When she spoke again, a new pain and raw emotion was present in her voice. Her brow drew together like she was trying to keep back the tears that she was unable to produce and her voice cracked with the effort. "Bella, you saved him. You don't understand how positively you have impacted us all. You brought Edward back to life, in a way. I used to feel awful because I regarded myself as being responsible for his loneliness. I felt that if it weren't for me, he would still have Carlisle. You were the missing piece of our family, Bella. You completed us." We had stopped walking by this point and she was avoiding making eye contact, addressing the surrounding foliage with her words instead of me.

"Esme…." I didn't know what to say. The rebuttal I was certain that I would have completely evaded me.

She finally turned to face me again, all the generosity and gratitude in the world filling her eyes as she captured my hands between her own. "Thank you, Bella. Thank you so much."

I was still rendered speechless as she swept me in to a maternal and compassionate embrace.

"I don't care how much danger you think you put us in, I will always be indebted to you for what you have done for Edward. I think of you as a daughter now, Bella, and as a family - there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you. Any ounce of trouble that may befall us due to your presence is entirely worth it to me. I love you, Bella, and I couldn't imagine a better person for Edward to have met."

"Thanks, Esme. I couldn't imagine a better family to be a part of either."

She smiled triumphantly at my lack of opposition to her graciousness.

"But," I reminded her, "I still wish they wouldn't act like I'm such a hazard. Even Emmett looks afraid of me."

"Between you and I," she winked, "I think Emmett is just nervous that there is anyone in the house that could beat him up."

I permitted myself a slight giggle for Esme's sake. She grabbed my hand firmly in hers and we began walking back to the house, swinging our hands optimistically as we went. As we neared the house, we heard a transforming melody drifting from the bedroom.

"You should go talk to him." Esme encouraged. "I can tell he has been worried about you too, lately."

"I guess that's fair." I allowed.

She gave my hand a final squeeze and patted me on the butt reassuringly. I shook my head wondrously at her cheery mood and trekked back up to the house and up the stairs.

Edward didn't look up when I walked in the room, he continued to work vigorously on the sheet of music sprawled in front of him. I crossed the room and sat on the bench beside him and watched him scrawl out an assortment of notes that I could not comprehend on the lined paper in front of him. When he finally returned his fingers to the keys, the sound he emitted was magnificent. My jaw dropped in awe as the beautiful notes glided over one another gracefully and serenaded the peaceful air. He stopped mid note and scribbled down some final lines and resumed the song until the last note rang in the air with a surreal finality.

He removed his hands from the ivory keys and folded them in his lap gracefully.

"Bella?" His velvet voice flowed as smoothly as the piano notes still echoing in my head.

I looked up at him imploringly.

"Are you really happy here?" He stared at the notes on the page absently as he spoke.

"Yes."

"Then what's wrong."

I bit my lip. An action that I foolishly hoped would go unnoticed.

It didn't.

He lifted my chin to his with a too quick movement and secured my gaze. "You can't deny that there is something wrong. You told Esme."

"You seem to be well educated then, I'm sure you already know what I said to her."

"No." He frowned. "She has been reciting the alphabet in 14 different languages to distract her thoughts."

I smiled, imagining Esme's mild attempt at allowing me to have the chance to explain my mood to my husband.

"I have just been feeling……" I searched for the right word, "avoided, lately."

"Bella, you have been avoiding me." He frowned.

"I know. I'm sorry, I just hated the way everyone seems intimidated by me lately. And I felt like I was just a problem to your family. More harm than good, ya know?" He looked hurt.

"It doesn't matter though. I talked to Esme and I feel a lot better now."

"So you weren't happy."

"I am happy. I have you, that's all I need." I assured him.

He ran his thumb against my cheek, studying me for any signs of the apparent dishonesty that I would not have been able to hide had it been present. Once content and convinced, he sighed and resigned his argument.

"I wish I knew how to make you happier." He sighed.

"I couldn't possibly be any happier." I corrected him.

"Good, because that would mean that I am a failure as a husband."

"You are far from a failure at anything." I promised him.

"Hmmmmm." He smiled wickedly as he placed a feathery kiss on my neck. "Even this?"

I giggled lightly. "You are ridiculously good at that, too." I admitted.

"Good. I have to be able to keep up with your skill." He grinned as he swept me into his arms and carried me over to the cushion-bed.

He laid next to me and stroked my hair absently for a while before speaking again.

"How about Europe?"

"What?" I looked at him questioningly.

"For our honeymoon that we have yet to take. How about Europe?"

I smiled. "I would like Europe." I agreed.