AN: Meh. Not too happy with this one, but just needed to get it out instead of unhappily staring at it. Definitely a hard one to write and still could use a lot of work. Maybe I'll take another crack at it someday. The ending is a bit meta since I ended up cutting out what had been the last third of the chapter. Also, warning – there are some swear words and suggestive themes in this chapter. I tried to keep it all what I thought was teen rating worthy, but if you're easily offended, then you may want to skip this chapter.
Chapter 2 – A Little Too Hans-y (Molly)
There was nothing quite like summer in the city, Teddy Lupin thought as he meandered through London, slowly making his way to The Leaky Cauldron. People buzzed all around, hustling and bustling to whatever pressing matters they needed to attend to on this particular Thursday afternoon. Teddy had no such agenda. He was content to enjoy the summer weather and all of the pleasures it brought with it. Such pleasures currently included a gorgeous woman in front of him wearing a sundress that did a quite lovely job of accentuating her beautiful... uh, elbows? "Bollocks", Teddy muttered under his breath, which in turn elicited a slap to the forehead. He didn't think anyone would typically classify him as an objectifier of women, but Hans was supposed to be another story. This living in character was hard stuff. What had Harry said to him earlier that morning?
…
"Ted, it's time for you to learn the art of appearing natural at whatever is unnatural for you to be," Harry said.
"Come again?" Teddy replied.
"You're a year into your auror training, Ted. Your defensive spells and reasoning are fine, but it's time to work on your undercover concealment skills."
"Really, Harry? You know I'm a metamorphmagus, it's not exactly hard to disguise myself. I've only been changing my appearance since I was all of what, two minutes old?"
"Physical appearance is one thing, Ted; but mannerisms and demeanor are quite another. It's easy to sneak up on someone by disguising yourself. But to openly conceal your true identity? That's something else entirely. So, your task for the next week is to live 24/7 as a completely different person. You will be masquerading as Hans Wolf, a young German man working in the department of mysteries this summer as part of a ministry exchange program. Here's a bio for you to look over. Any questions?" Harry handed Teddy a thin folder of information on Hans' backstory along with identification.
"Wolf, really Harry?"
"I must admit, it may have been an intentional choice on my part for old times' sake, but it's actually quite a common surname in Germany."
"Ok, but why the department of mysteries?"
"Isn't that something Hans would be able to explain? From a practical standpoint though, it'll give you a credible and easy cover story. People don't know a whole lot about the department of mysteries because, well, it's the department of mysteries. Now, off you go. I'd recommend spending a bit of time in Muggle London to find yourself before venturing around in the wizarding community. Someone will meet you at The Leaky Cauldron at six tonight with further instructions."
…
That was how Teddy now found himself strolling the streets of London, trying to get inside the mind of a completely fictional identity he was to assume for the next week. From the bio, Hans was apparently something of a womanizing degenerate, flirting his way into trouble that only his wealthy parents' old family money could get him out of. A real bastard. While it was a rather foreign way of living for Teddy, he thought he'd be able to handle it. If people always said being nice was so hard, being a complete prick had to be easy right? Besides, he could just stick to muggle London for most of the week haunting various seedy pubs and no one would think to look twice at him.
Entering The Leaky Cauldron, Teddy made his way to the bar. The manager, Hannah Longbottom (nee Abbot) greeted him. "Anything I can get you, dear?" she asked.
"Yes Mrs-" Teddy caught himself, "missy" he finished somewhat lamely, but in a gruff voice (with what he hoped was a bit of a German accent). "Whiskey. Neat. And you wouldn't happen to have a light would you?"
Mrs. Longbottom shot him a disapproving look. "No, I wouldn't happen to. And if you plan on smoking you'll have to do it out back." She poured him his whiskey and made her way to the other end of the bar, off to serve the latest patron who had just walked in.
Teddy took a gulp of his whisky and nearly spit it out. Truth be told he usually never ventured to anything much stronger than butterbeer. As he coughed, he felt a large hand give him a pat on the back. Its owner sat on down on the stool next to him. "Ok there, Hans?" a low, calm voice asked.
Teddy turned to see none other than Kingsley Shacklebolt, former minister of magic.
"King- uh…" Teddy fumbled for what to say.
"'S all right, lad. I know your current situation. I'm here on a favor to Harry. Well, not just a favor to Harry."
"What do you mean, sir?"
"I've been meaning to congratulate you, Ted." Upon the use of his real name, Teddy cast a nervous glance around the room, looking for anyone who may have heard.
"Don't look so fidgety," Kingsley said. "No one will overhear us. Having been minister for enough years, it's safe to say I know enough magic to keep my conversations private."
"Right, of course," Teddy said, color rising to his cheeks in embarrassment.
"As I was saying, congratulations are in order. First year of auror training completed. Your parents would be proud. I can still remember having a drink with your mum here at the Leaky after her first year."
Teddy gulped at the mention of his mother. "Would they be proud though, sir?"
"Drop the sir, Ted – we've gone over this before. Now, why wouldn't your parents be proud?"
"Well, it's just that, well they gave their lives fighting for a better world. A world without curses and dark wizards. A world where their son could grow up and live a life of peace. Peace that neither of them could have. And here I am, throwing that away. Putting myself in the very situations they died to try and keep me out of."
Kingsley gave him a sympathetic smile. "It's true your parents did want a better world for you, Ted. But they'd want you to join with them in their efforts. To continue their work and keep this a better world. More importantly, they'd want you to be who you are. Not what you think other people would want you to be. Remus and Tonks were two of the best people I've had the pleasure of knowing. I counted them both, your mother especially, among my closest friends. Trust me when I say, Ted, that they would love you know matter what you did, and would be proud of whoever you end up being – whether that's an auror, defense against the dark arts teacher, or joke shop worker."
After a moment of silence, Teddy asked "They'd be proud of me even if I ended up like a Hans?"
"Well, maybe not that…" Kingsley said slowly before giving Teddy a wink as they both began to laugh.
"Speaking of Hans though," Kingsley continued, "I need to give you the rest of the information for you upcoming week. You'll be staying at Leaky, we've gone ahead and spared you the trouble of booking a room. You're in room thirteen. You'll have some freedom to do what you like with your time, but you'll also have a schedule to follow."
"What sort of schedule?" Teddy asked.
"Places to be at particular times. Places where we know you'll be forced to see and interact with people you know. People that you'll actively have to try and disguise yourself from. They won't know to be looking for you, but they'll know you well enough that any slip up on your end will likely give you away."
Teddy gulped. "Well then, what's first?"
"Tonight you'll be starting off with a bang. Tom Perkins – a Slytherin who just graduated this year - is throwing a party at his parents' manner."
"I'm supposed to go to Perkins party?" Teddy asked, incredulity creeping into his voice. "You know how crazy those get. Almost every one winds up on the gossip pages of the prophet when the MLE inevitably gets called in to break up the pandemonium. Not to mention, they'll be loads of people who I'll know from school there."
"Exactly," said Kingsley. "It's a perfect place for Hans, and a perfect opportunity to put your powers of concealment to the test. Party starts at eight pm – don't be later than nine. Harry will know."
"How will he know? Is he going to be there too?"
"Well he is an auror after all, so it's possible. Regardless of whether he'll actually be there though, you'll be given veritaserum at the end of your week and asked to recount some of your experiences. If you keep to the schedule and no one recognizes you, you'll pass."
"And what if I fail?" Teddy asked.
"C'mon Ted, think positively." Kingsley let out a sigh. "If you do fail though, you'll be placed in a remedial concealment course. Meets all day every Saturday for the rest of the summer."
Teddy's eyes bulged. "The rest of the summer!? As if I'm not busy enough."
Kingsley shrugged as he got up. "Don't fail then." He gave a wink and walked out of the pub, leaving Teddy to wonder what he was really in store for.
…
Looking into the mirror, Teddy could hardly recognize himself. He had increased his height to well over six and a half feet in height (up from his usual six feet or so), and bulked up his usually thin frame to well over sixteen stone. He had given himself a chiseled, angular face, short blonde hair, dark blue eyes, and a scruffy goatee. In short, he had gone from his usual happy, goofy self, to something of a hulking brute. A brute that many women would find much more attractive, but a brute nonetheless. A large Hungarian Horntail tattoo was splashed across a good portion of his right arm. He gave a satisfied grunt and turned on the spot, apparating to the front gate of the Perkins' manor.
Arriving outside, Teddy had forgotten how large the place was. It was more of a castle than an actual manor, with large grounds and gardens. From the ruckus and the stream of guests arriving, the party was already well under way. Teddy had been here once before, a few summers back when his friend Blake had foolishly convinced Teddy to accompany him to a similar party. Suffice it to say, Teddy had not particularly enjoyed himself and had wound up on the end of a rather stern lecture from his gran when he had tried to sneak back home well into the deep hours of the night. Shaking his head in the hopes of forgetting his previous misfortune, Teddy walked through the gate and into the fray.
Several drinks, hits, and hours later, Teddy felt as if things were going rather well. He had run into and mingled with several former classmates with none recognizing him so far. Teddy was rather proud of his concealment, although the copious amount of alcohol and drugs being consumed may have given him a just a bit of help. As he was recounting a trip Hans had once taken to Zugspitze to a group of young women, a flash of platinum blonde hair caught his eye. Turning, he saw none other than his best friend, Victoire Weasley making her way through the party crowd towards one of the drink tables. "Scheisse," Teddy muttered under his breath, "what in seven hells is she doing at a party like this?"
Excusing himself from his current company, Teddy made to follow her. Halfway to the table though, he paused, giving his current course of action second thought.
Vic was of age now and could take care of herself. What's more, there was a very good chance she'd see through his guise – she was his best friend after all. Even if she didn't, he'd have to be a real arse around her to stay in character, and she didn't take well to those sorts of blokes. She'd likely shrug him off. All in all, Teddy decided, both he and Vic would be better if he left her to take care of herself. Not that he wouldn't be keeping at least one, if not two, eyes on her at all times during the night.
Before Teddy could move off to a safe distance though, Julia – one of Vic's better friends – had grabbed his arm. Looking into her eyes as he turned towards her, Ted could tell Julia had already had a few too many drinks.
"Well, what do we have here?" said Julia in a voice that had as much slur as sultriness in it. "Just exactly who might you be?"
"Wolf, Hans Wolf" Teddy replied as coolly as he could. There was some muggle program Uncle Ron had always watched where the main character had introduced himself as such. Teddy had always found it a bit much, but he supposed it would be right up Hans' alley.
"That accent – German?" Julia asked.
"Yes. I'm here on an exchange program to work at the ministry this summer. At least, work when I'm not meeting beautiful fae at parties." Teddy didn't know what had made him say it and inwardly groaned, but Julia's face went flush with embarrassment.
"My, my. Someone knows how to flatter a lady. You're not about to get too Hans-y with me are you?" she said with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Would you like-" but before she could finish her sentence, another voice cut in.
"Julia, you didn't tell me you had other friends coming to the party" Victoire said as she walked up next to Julia.
"Victoire," Julia said, "this is Hans. He's here from Germany to exchange at the ministry for the summer. Hans, this is Victorie."
"A pleasure to meet you, Victoire," Teddy said, reaching for her hand and kissing the back of her palm.
"Mmm.. I like the way it sounds coming from you." Vic said, meeting his gaze. Teddy stared intently, hoping she didn't recognize him.
"I think I could get used to saying it," Teddy said, flashing what he hoped was a dangerous smile.
"So, Hans, what exactly do you do at the Ministry?"
"I work in the department of mysteries."
"Really?" Vic asked. "Perhaps you can help me then."
"How's that?" Teddy replied.
"I'd like to learn a thing or two about one of the greatest mysteries of all tonight. Love."
Teddy could barely keep his eyes from bulging. "Excuse me?" he asked.
"Well, maybe not love," Vic conceded, "but passionate snogging at the least. I'm a blunt person Hans. Even more so when I've had a few drinks, which I've certainly had by now. My best friend, bloke by the name of Teddy, just left for the week. Not a word to me. He was finally going to get some time off from work and promised he'd spend it with me. But nope. Too busy apparently. We don't see each other for months while I'm off at school and he's graduated. He says we'll have the summer to catch up. Have we caught up? Nope. Too busy. All of the time. No time for the girl who used to be his best friend in the world. And you know what the worst part about it is?" Vic continued on without giving Teddy a chance to respond. "I fancy this jackass. Realized it this year while I was away at school. I fancy my best friend, but I don't even have time to sort out my feelings with him because he's too busy avoiding me like I'm one of Hagrid's rock cakes."
"What are-" Teddy began but was cut off as Vic continued her rant.
"But you know what? I'm sick of waiting around for the bloke to notice me. I'm part Veela for Merlin's sake! Guys drool over me like I'm a hunk of meat. If Teddy's not going to notice me, then someone else will have to do. You're fit, Hans. I'm sure you can show a woman a good time. So do me a favor? Make me forget all about Teddy tonight."
Teddy was mortified. What had gotten into Vic? She was never this irresponsible. And to have a bombshell like this dropped on him? Vic fancied him? Well he certainly couldn't tell her that he was Teddy now. Finding out you had admitted your attraction to your life-long best friend while taking him for a complete stranger, whom you had asked to show you a good time, wasn't exactly the recipe for continuing a friendship. And, better for her to be irresponsible with him, someone who could navigate things and not let her get taken advantage of by an actual stranger.
Resigning himself to whatever he was in store for, Teddy said, in the slimiest voice he could pull off, "there's nothing I'd rather do than make you forget all about this Teddy."
With that, she threw her hands on his cheeks and pulled him down for a deep kiss. A few seconds later they broke apart. "Let's dance," Victoire said, beaming with a twinkle in her eyes. She took him by the hand and led him toward a nearby crowd of people, raving to the music of the night.
The rest of the night was mostly a blur to Teddy. Loud music, too many drinks, dancing way too up close and personal with Victoire, Teddy was in a constant superposition between being enraptured by her beauty, curious of her admission, and mortified of how reckless she was being with him as Hans. He had committed to his role though, and there was no backing out. Unfortunately though, there was blacking out…
…
Teddy awoke with a groan. His head was pounding. He just wanted to curl up on the soft periwinkle blue sheets he was currently lying on and… "Wait, just whose sheets were these!?" he thought. Summoning all of the energy he could muster, Teddy rolled over and groaned as he saw a wild mane of platinum blonde hair he knew very well. "Shit, shit, shit shit," he whispered to himself as he stared at Victoire who was sleeping next to him wearing only a far too revealing matching red pair of bra and panties. Teddy himself was only wearing his boxers.
Victoire gave a groan as she began to stir. Her eyes flickered open and met his. "Hi there," she said with a smile. "Hans, right?" Her reaction caught Teddy off guard. Shouldn't see be mortified that a stranger had ended up half-naked in bed with her?
"Hey," he responded somewhat lamely. Silence. He continued. "So about last night…"
Victoire raised her eyebrows "Oh, what about last night?" she asked. "Was I not up to your usual standards?"
Teddy felt his face flush with embarrassment. "No, it's not that… it's just… well," he stammered, trying to figure out what the correct thing to say to one's best friend was after drunkenly spending the night with them - while being disguised as a complete stranger. He hoped Victorie would cut in to spare him, but she just stared back, smirking. "Honestly," Teddy finally continued, "I can't exactly remember everything that happened. Did we…"
"You don't remember?" Victoire asked, her face falling. "It was supposed to have been special. It was my first time…" she trailed off, looking as if she were about to cry.
Teddy had never felt so low in his life. He had just taken advantage of his best friend as a total stranger. What was he supposed to do now? Tell her who he was and try and work through this? Slink off and hoped she put this behind her?
"Vic…" he began, struggling for words to say.
"How do you know that's what people call me?" she asked.
"I, uh…"
Her eyes danced with laughter that soon bubbled audibly out of her. "Oh, Teddy. That was way too much fun."
"Wait, you knew it was me? The whole time?"
"You know how much I like taking the mikey from you, Teddy," she giggled as she stroked his bicep. "Did you really think I'd let some random bloke have his way with me? That I'm that much of a slag?"
"Of course not. It's just, well, you seemed so upset last night, and with the alcohol, I was just worried that you had snapped momentarily. Wait, did you make all of that up last night?"
"Did I make all of what up?" Vic asked.
"The part about fancying me. Teddy."
"Do you want me to have made it up?"
Teddy was caught off guard. What did he want? Victoire had always been like a sister to him. Someone for him to protect and look after. Not someone to pursue. Before last night, he had never thought of her in a romantic way before. Not that he hadn't noticed her beauty and charm. It was just, well, something had changed when she had kissed him. When she had said that she wanted him, Teddy. The feelings that had stirred up inside of him were definitely not brotherly. In the drunken moment, he hadn't really thought about it, and had chalked the whole situation up to her being drunk and upset and him pretending to be Hans. But now that he thought about it…
"No," he finally said, looking into her eyes and steeling himself for whatever was about to come.
"Good," she replied. "Because all performances have to draw from at least some part of reality," and with that she softly kissed him. "Mmm…" she said sarcastically as she pulled away. "Drunken morning breath." They both laughed.
"Wait though," Teddy said. "Last night, we didn't actually…"
"No," Vic replied. "Thankfully one of us wasn't quite as drunk as she led on. Believe me, as much as I fancy the pants off of you, I don't think either of us is ready for that yet with each other, especially under last night's circumstances."
"Phew," Teddy said. "That's a relief. Not that-"
"I know," Victoire cut in. "Don't worry Teddy, I think I know a thing or two about you and how you think after being your best friend for seventeen years."
"So how did you know?" Teddy asked a moment later.
Victoire raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"That it was me, and not Hans." Teddy quickly clarified. "What gave me away last night?"
"Ah," Victorie began. "Don't worry, I think you were quite convincing. I actually overheard Harry telling Ginny about your undercover test when I was looking after the kids yesterday afternoon."
"You nosy brat," Teddy joked, poking Victoire on her nose. "Odd choice of a way to tell me you fancied me though. Directly to me, but not to my actual face."
"Well, you haven't exactly given me much of a chance to say anything this summer. 'S not like you've been around to talk, always working. Besides, it's a bit easier to tell someone when you know they can't shoot you down immediately. Gave me a chance to give you a firsthand dose of my Veela charm so you'd finally come to the realization that you fancy me back." Victoire stuck her tongue out at him.
"I suppose that's true," he said with a chuckle. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news though, but my free time may have just got cut even shorter for the rest of the summer. Harry said if anyone figured out who I was, I'd have to take a weekly, all-day Saturday class on concealment. And since you know I'm not Hans… wait a minute," he suddenly said in realization. "You figured out it was me from Harry! There's no way he can hold that against me. This is brilliant, Vic!" Teddy enthusiastically kissed her.
All enthusiasm was short lived however. For, at that very moment, Bill Weasley had entered his daughter's room. "Vic, who are you talking-" His face went dark red as he saw his oldest daughter snogging a young man he had never seen before (as Teddy was still concealed as Hans), both of whom were half-naked in said daughter's bed.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH MY DAUGHTER!?" Bill bellowed.
Teddy quickly scrambled away from Vic in horrified shock. His face surely going paler than it ever had been in his life before.
"Bi-si-bi-si-uh," Teddy quickly sputtered out, searching for the right words to say in this unusual moment while his brain tried to sort out whether to address the exceedingly angry man as "Bill" or "sir."
"Papa" Vic began, saving Teddy from further embarrassment, "this is Hans. He's here this summer on an exchange program from Germany with the ministry."
"Oh?" said Bill his voice still seething with anger, "I didn't know the ministry had taken up a special interest in my daughter's bedroom. You," Bill gestured towards Teddy, "out of my house. Now."
Teddy shot out of bed as quick as he could, grabbing his wand and whatever clothes he could find. As he made his way past Bill and out of the room, Bill roughly grabbed his arm.
"If I ever seen you again, I'll be the last person you ever see. Have I made myself clear?"
Teddy swallowed with an audible gulp as he nodded and quickly vacated the premise. He didn't meet the gaze of any of the other Weasleys who were gathered outside of Victoire's room, trying to hear what their father was yelling out. He could well enough imagine the looks of shock that were likely plastered across their faces on seeing on unknown man departing the room of the family's eldest daughter half-naked.
…
"Wait, Hans was actually Teddy?" James interrupted.
Molly sighed in exasperation. "I think I made that quite clear. Are you going to let me finish or are you going to keep asking stupid questions? I didn't even get to my own part in the story."
"Hold on a minute though," Lilly piped in. "If Hans was really Teddy, why didn't they just tell Uncle Bill right then?"
"Are you mental?" Dominique asked. "Much better for Vic to have dad be furious with some random bloke she could brutally dump at the next family gathering than to have him questioning Teddy's perfect and pure intentions towards Vic. Even though dad loves Teddy, finding anyone half naked in bed with your daughter isn't going to go over well."
"So at the picnic later that week when-" James began.
"Can't you just let me finish?" Molly interjected.
"No. You're a lousy storyteller and are taking too long. Besides, I already heard you finish when-"
"Not another word, James!" Molly spat.
As pandemonium threatened to break out, Vic cleared her throat, silencing the cousins' rising buzz.
"An interesting take on events, Molly. I think it's best for someone else talk for a while at this point though while you and James settle down."
"I'll go next, sis, if you don't mind." Louis said. "Now, while everyone here was at Ted's graduation party, not everyone has my powers of perception…"