For once, I'm actually slightly early in updating this! Yey! Before we start, I would like to say that as of next week, unless there are any people completely against the idea, I will be heading these chapters with physical names, rather than 'Chapter 1, Chapter 2... etc.' Just thought that I would give you an extra week's warning in case your all happy with the way that it is and don't want them.
Anyway, I would like to say thank you to Total epic Sailor Minion, DemonishFangirl and Fairwaters for your reviews. And as for Dr Collins being a motherfigure for B... in all honesty I didn't intentionally write her that way but then kind of wove it in for later plot points. But yes, in a way she is since B has no other mother-like figure in his life (and none of the rest of the Wammy's kids either but that's a different issue), especially since he doesn't consider his own mother to be one. Other than that, I won't be saying anything else as that would be spoilers ;) I would also ike to thank Ruby626 for favouritng this.
Anyway, hopefully you will enjoy this chapter!
Karabas was bored. However, unlike the time before at the hospital back in New York, it wasn't soul consuming. It was just ordinary boredom mixed with a wariness that could rapidly turn into something else as they waited for Dr Collins and the boy named Raito Yagami to return. He had seen people like him before at the hospital, the ones that were so concerned with controlling their lives, that they sent themselves spinning into a downward spiral, all the time denying that there was anything wrong with him. Also, he doubted that the man spent less than half an hour in the mornings sorting out his hair. Sometimes, he wondered what would have happened if he had turned out like that, then decided against it. Considering where he had grown up, it was unlikely he would have turned out similar to a pampered, middle class child who spent most of his life being told that he was the best, the 'darling' of the family.
Instead he considered himself to be more like the sister, constantly struggling for something that was impossible.
True, he was happy and content currently where he was. This was probably the best he had felt in a long time and messing with people's heads was always a plus. Mitsu seemed to have enjoyed his little spectacle- although she didn't look convinced enough to hand the jam jar back- and even Lael looked to have cracked a smile at some point. It was nice to know that he could still do that, as disturbing as the idea that he had lost a large chunk of his memories was. If there was one thing he could rely on it was that these two would always be on the other side, waiting for him. But now…
Karabas rarely contemplated the finalities of life lately. It brought the monster to the foreground, tempted it out of hiding. He had once, it was a fascinating concept after all. Everybody died- there was no getting away from that. But how and why, that was a different matter entirely. Why were doctors able to save some but not others? Why would life abruptly end when it was so long in beginning? Why was the cause of death inside one human different from another when fundamentally they were all made of the same stuff? He had tried to look into that when he was younger, when he could still think clearly and there weren't fuzzy places in his brain that threatened to steal him away and replace him with that other side, the one that no one liked. But now, he had to try to place those thoughts to those he loved while not looking into it. Which, in all honesty, was impossible. So he did the next best thing- he blocked it all out until it would be impossible and the rampaging beast on the inside of his mind sprang free. Not the best of plans, but one that he could commit to nonetheless.
The new arrivals were also far too intriguing right now to take much notice of that. The uptight chief and the police officer that Mitsu seemed to like. He was probably too old for her, but it was more in a brotherly sort of manner than anything else. It was hard to look at her in that way, not after everything that had happened to them but it was nice to know that some people still looked out for them. Lael was also at ease with that one, and so Karabas had supposed that he wasn't so bad- the fact that he didn't flinch away like the other one when he had been caught unawares by them gave him extra points in Karabas' book. It made him glad that Touta Matsuda had a nice long lifespan, one that meant he would grow old and die, most likely having lived a full and vibrant life- that was of no doubt with his clear upbeat attitude. Karabas wasn't sure about the other one, Soichiro Yagami who had spawned the thing that walked through the door, but it wasn't his place to judge.
However, he had to admit, that he didn't like Raito Yagami one bit, and he hadn't even spoken a word to him. Playing around with his head was fun, but there was something off about him. And he needed to talk to Lael about him alone, where the other two wouldn't stare at him like he was crazy. Raito unnerved him in a way that Lael never had- heck, not even the creepy child that was Near freaked Karabas out in the way that Raito did. At least he had a lifespan above his head, reassuringly ticking down the many, many years he had left.
And then there was that name. Everyone's names were written above their heads, always translating (annoyingly) so he would know what they were. And everyone that Karabas had met had one name and only one. Even his captor all those years ago, despite his alias, had only one name above his head. You could name yourself all you liked, you had only one name and that was the one given to you at birth. But Raito… it was hard to read Raito's name because there was another one laid out on top. He couldn't read it clearly, although he could guess, and it made him jumpy. He had never met a person with MPD, so he couldn't be sure if it was that (better to wait for Dr Collins to come back) but it was just one of those things that were just not right, making him all the more twitchy. It put the monster on edge too and that was bad. When it was on edge, it ran wild and when it did that, it got out.
Not now, not here he pleaded silently as it prowled the exterior of the cage he had built for it over the years. We just got out.
It is a threat and we don't take kindly to threats it snapped back and the childish part of him that always did so recoiled. Karabas jumped up from the floor, needing something to do. He just needed to get his mind off of this, to take away any ammunition from the creature before it could break free entirely. The police chief watched him warily and even Mitsu looked up from her sketchbook. Lael tilted his head in such a way that Karabas knew he could watch him while continuing to work on the specific case he was working on.
"Everything ok?" Mitsu asked, quiet enough that it wouldn't disturb those working. Soichiro Yagami had moved to the bank of computers as well but had turned in his chair to observe what was about to happen. Karabas merely shrugged, unsure of how to explain it in front of so many people. He glanced at the glowing name above her head, reading the reassuring name there and lifespan. Mitsu Lawliet 79080639. He could almost smile if that wasn't some kind of lifeline to prevent the creature from breaking out.
Instead he turned to the boards that she and Lael had set up in their spare time, looking over the evidence and names of all the victims, coming to rest on one specific one. Naomi Misora. It took nearly everything he had from voluntarily setting the creature loose on the killer downstairs. Naomi may not have understood him as well as Lael or Mitsu, she may not even have realised that the real B was completely different from the persona of Beyond Birthday that the creature had given itself, but she was still a good person. She still had that spark of life in her that no matter what she did, would survive past her job in the FBI and marriage to the other victim, Raye Penbar.
"You know she might not be dead." He almost jumped as Mitsu approached him from behind, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder, having to reach up slightly as she did so. Unlike her brother, she had not grown as much in height and so made up for it with heels when not in a house. "We never found a body."
"I'm sure it's rotting away somewhere, just waiting to be found," he growled, feeling the creature rise up in the back of his mind. In vain, he attempted to try to shove it back down. He could feel Yagami watching him closely, Matsuda having done that same trick of splitting his attention between the computer and what was going on behind them. Even Lael paused in his typing, something he only did if there was something more important going on. As flattered as he was that he was considered important, he didn't like the way in which it had come about. Mitsu paused, before linking her arm around his, gently pulling him away.
"Come on, I haven't shown you the rest of the building yet," she said. "There's a whole sick bay level, you'll love it." Karabas appreciated her foresight to get him out of those laser stares, but he wasn't too sure about the idea of letting him anywhere near anything sharp. Lael paused before shoving the keyboard towards Matsuda and standing up.
"Matsuda could you finish those notes for me? I think I'll go with Mitsu and B," he said, although it was more of a statement than a question. Matsuda, after getting over the slight surprise that registered on his face merely nodded with a large goofy grin.
"Sure thing L!" he chirped, setting his own computer onto standby and scooting over to the offered computer. Case notes may not have been the most interesting parts of a case, especially not on the types of cases L took on (most were fairly grisly) but for someone as trod on as Matsuda, it was probably brilliant that he was singled out over his own boss. Lael just nodded and wandered up beside them, hands in his pockets.
"Shall we?"
Johanna Collins found it rather easy to say that she had never encountered a person such as Raito Yagami before in her life. It seemed obvious to her, as it had to Mitsu, that many of his most recent actions in the past nine months, many in his entire life in fact, were merely a ruse put up for the world to perceive that he was 'normal'. She had read notes on some cases of OCD which had led people into doing something similar, usually to hide the fact that in truth they were not alright. In other cases, some she had worked on herself in her time as a counsellor before becoming a psychiatrist, she had found that to a certain extent some people acted in a certain way to hide issues such as homosexuality or domestic abuse. Issues that were poles apart but made some feel that they had to cover up the bruises and scars to give out the aura that everything was fine and they were just another normal citizen.
Raito Yagami, at first glance, had none of these problems and it may be that that made him hard to figure out. He had a warm and loving family, a mother that doted on him, a proud father and a little sister that looked up to him. He was popular in school, being both good looking and intelligent, put in the good books of both the teachers and fellow pupils. He was never overbearing, never harsh and never unfair. He treated people the way that most well treated, loved children of police officers did- he looked out for the little man, believing in such principles as justice and equality. But that was the surface and Johanna knew, that beneath the cracks, was a very different persona, one that was bored, that felt constricted by this privileged lifestyle but ignorant of everything that might have happened if things had gone so differently. She considered the possibility that he didn't even know.
Looking at him now, she knew that this interview would have results that he would not expect. He sat, quietly confident, waiting for her first questions, seemingly totally at ease with his surroundings. However there were signs, little things that pointed towards this being nothing more than a farce. He had hesitated, ever so slightly, before entering the room, dusted off the chair, glanced at the TV as if checking that it was off. She had deliberately chosen this room after the strong reaction he had had towards Lael. She had seen various tapes of him in his house, pretending to act like a normal teenager, although she was fairly certain that it was an act- no one whose bookshelf held hardly any fiction in it would resort to buying pornographic magazines and hiding them in a small file like there was a stash there (it also helped that Lael's monitors were of such a high definition and angles, you could make out that the other magazines were actually scientific magazines). That gave her some clue as to part of what he may be hiding, but that was his business and no one else's. Let him live in the proverbial closet if he wished.
"So shall we begin?" she asked, knowing that he was nowhere near 'ready' (no one ever was) and smiled, giving off the usual vibe of trustworthiness and hospitality that she had perfected over the years. Raito seemed unaffected but nodded his assent anyway, a casual smile (forced, as many of Karabas' were) slipped onto his face.
"Of course," he said amiably, only the slightest hint of a tremble that no one other than one as used to picking up the emotional slack of geniuses would.
"As a trained professional I must ask, is there anything that you wish to discuss before I start on my own questions?" she asked. "Anything that might be bothering you, anything you don't wish to talk about?" Raito raised an eyebrow, looking truthfully slightly mystified.
"I thought the point of this was to remove all suspicion of whether I am Kira or not?" The statement was smoothly phrased into a question and Johanna prevented her mouth from turning into a knowing smile. A psychologist had control over all facial aspects so as to appear as unassuming and non-judgemental as possible. It was sweet that he believed himself so practised at lying and half-truths that he could lie to her. She dealt with men who made lying their whole life, lies that they believed would get them out of jail faster (or in the case of Karabas, avoid any deep issues altogether)- his own were pitiful compared to theirs, practised as he was. Bless him that he tried.
"The whole point of this interview is to assess your psyche to see whether or not you have the ability and stamina to be Kira. So far, I must say if you are trying to put me off by being charming, it's not working." For a brief moment, so quick that most other people would have missed it, Raito's face twisted into something that was as far from attractive as possible. It was there and gone in an instant and Johanna internally shook her head- Karabas was better at lying than this boy. Even in his lowest point, he had been able to fool an FBI agent into believing that he was a completely different, sane (if eccentric) person. Raito then shrugged almost amiably again, face pleasant once more.
"Fair enough, but I must insist that I am innocent." Johanna made no comment to that and instead turned to her notepad, making a brief note among the many she already had on him (really if he wanted to convince her he shouldn't have left so much psychological evidence in his previous actions) on his quick turnabout. Quick, yes, but not quick enough to fool me.
"Well, if that's all, how about we start with school," Johanna said, flicking to her notes on Raito's school years. There wasn't much there in the sense of looking for Kira- the serial killer was a new phenomenon after all- but she always found it helpful to get a good background to her patients rather than going in blind. Raito blinked in surprise, amazed at the turnaround, his eyes looking slightly thrown, but his face was neutral. Impressive, but not good enough.
"What would you like to know?" he asked. She merely smiled, allowing him to draw his own conclusions.
"Anything. Everything. Your feelings towards your other classmates, how school was for you, what you thought of your teachers. Everything you say here is strictly confidential. The only information I will be sharing with anyone else is that of my diagnosis unless I feel the need to refer to a specialist, in which case I will pass my notes on securely to them." He didn't need to know that she already had several verdicts, one of which was his to tell his family- that is if he has even realised it. If not, he's in the perfect place right now to figure it out for himself. Raito seemed to think on this for a moment before taking in a deep breath. Johanna merely waited for him to take his time, ready for anything he was going to throw her way.
Raito was not enjoying this interview as much as he had expected. It didn't help that he was tired or that she had seen through the charm almost immediately, making him all the more aware of his facial expressions and what emotions he let through and allowed on his face. Especially after that first slip when she had so bluntly corrected him in his subtle prodding her in the right direction. And now she wanted to hear about school? He had left that damned place as soon as he could! He would have left earlier if his parents had let him move up through the year groups faster, but his mother believed in the whole school experience rather than just the educational side, and so he had appeased her by sticking through it. His peers were barely functioning morons, thinking no further than girls, boys, sex and other immature themes. It was all a waste of time in his opinion, but Raito hadn't squandered his time. As idiotic as the rest of them were, he still befriended some, knowing that they wouldn't all be this dense for the rest of their lives and looking out for others, especially the downtrodden geeks of the school, meant he would be in good standing with them for the most influential roles in the country.
Of course, this doctor didn't need to know any of that. All she needed to know was that he enjoyed school and that he got along fine with the people he interacted with, even if he hadn't truly gelled all that well with them in the classroom environment. Even those at To Oh had barely been much better, and Raito was glad he had dropped out for this.
"I'm not really sure what you want me to say. School was fine for me. I enjoyed my classes and got along well with my peers," he said, smile fixed firmly in place. Dr Collins jotted something down, ticking something off.
"But you didn't have any close friends?" she asked, looking at him carefully. She didn't seem all that obtrusive, but with how observant she was proving to be, Raito was having to work extra hard to keep all his emotions in check and off his face. It didn't help that the other half kept trying to butt in and agree with her, especially on this particular statement. For now, he allowed it, but when they moved closer to the time of L's supposed death he was going to have to find some way of reining it in. So he shrugged once again in this interview, keeping close eye contact with her to give the impression of the truth.
"I had quite a few friends and girlfriends," he said with a smile, inciting a quirk of an eyebrow from the doctor, "I had everything I needed."
"And then you met Ryuzaki at To Oh. From what I've heard you two got on like a house on fire," she said, smiling herself. Raito found himself laughing before he could stop himself.
"Oh Ryuzaki was different alright. He wasn't afraid to be what he wanted, no matter what anyone said about the way he sat or spoke or held things." Or diet Raito thought, knowing all the strange and hurtful things that had spread around the campus after L left. They criticised the way he dressed, the way he talked, the way he sat and the way he so clearly took very little care of himself. But it had been clear to Raito that Ryuzaki wasn't unattractive. His most striking feature had been his eyes, so large and dark, it was like swimming under the moon. And his hands were long and thin and delicate- in fact the first time Raito had seen him, thin frame tucked up on the chair like it was normal for a person to sit like that, he looked so delicate he might brake like fine china. And then that tennis match… even through the thin white shirt, you could see the lean muscles stretch and coil, each movement so prepared and certain it was breath-taking, a little like L's form in those showers…
Raito realised, with a start that he had slipped at some point into daydreaming, the other side with some stupid vapid dreamy far off look in its eyes that it almost made him gag. Dr Collins had clearly seen it too and had a raised eyebrow, waiting for some kind of response.
"I suppose he would count as the closest friend I have," Raito admitted as the other half huffed in annoyance. He's the only friend we have.
"Yes, I suppose he is." For some reason Dr Collins sounded like she was thinking of something completely different but she didn't let him think on that for one moment. "I understand that your father had a heart attack soon after the Kira case began. That must have been hard for you, what with the stress of being a college student at a prestigious university and dealing with family issues at the time." Raito cringed internally at that thought. He hadn't truly thought about that incident since it had happened. The initial rush of shock hadn't been as overwhelming as the instant panic that rose when his mother mentioned 'heart attack' in the vicinity of L, especially after what had just been discussed. Now, with his head all messed up after somehow talking about Ryuzaki and where that had lead, however briefly, did not instil his previous confidence in being able to discuss anything with this woman without giving anything away. He needed a moment to collect his thoughts, to put them back in order where they should be without that stupid other half interfering. It could help to talk about it, but that day was so different to how he usually felt, only one of a handful of incidences where pure emotion had ruled rather than logic and intelligence, that he wasn't even sure how to discuss it.
"I rather wouldn't talk about that day. As you said, it was… stressful." Dr Collins nodded and moved on like there hadn't been a pause in the conversation and slipped further through her notes.
"According to Lael's notes, you were imprisoned for 50 days at the request of both yourself and Interpol in the interests of weeding out the possibility of your being Kira," she said as if this was all information he had been privy to. Well, he certainly remembered offering himself up, but not the involvement of Interpol. "I also understand that the release test had the capacity to be traumatic as well. Is there anything there you wish to discuss?" It was prompted at softly but Raito wasn't sure what she was looking for anymore. These questions clearly had a point, to discover whether he was Kira, but he couldn't be certain whether she could see through the lies and half-truths. The way she spoke at times…
"The internment was unpleasant but bearable," he settled for, thinking hard on what the correct answer to the second part might be. "As for how we were released… It was a stressful experience and one I'll gladly not repeat, but there was a part of me that knew my father would never hurt me." Truthfully, that was one of those other times where emotion took over logic, when the other half had complete control and was terrified out of his wits whilst Kira was sitting on the side-lines, alone and forgotten until required once more when suspicion had fallen away. Another experience that Raito really didn't want to think about but had to for this damn woman. She's poking around in things she has no business being a part of!
Perhaps if you acknowledged that you've just spoken a lie she might leave you alone the other half sniffed, not happy as usual with him.
Everything I've told her is everything she needs to know.
Even Kira was scared, it snapped. You were afraid that your father really was going to kill you if you were Kira, if Ryuk decided to come back and kill him for ending your life before him. You knew that either way, you were dead. Raito hated that it was right, hated that Interpol had been involved and no one ever told him, that L seemed to paint himself as the villain constantly but everything seemed to come from jumpy politicians that L had to work within the parameters of what they wanted. Raito hadn't realised that L would be limited to what International figures would want or approve of, and if they had agreed with his internment and the conditions of his release, that made it all the more worrying. Damn it, the politicians are supposed to be bowing before me not crawling to the enemy!
"Thank you," Dr Collins said. "What about-" Before she could finish there was a loud crash from one of the higher levels, followed by what Raito assumed to be creative cursing in what sounded like Russian. Dr Collins sighed and placed the pen to one side, notepad closed but dog eared on the page that they were currently on. As far as Raito knew she had barely made any notes so why that was important he wasn't sure. Instead he followed her with his eyes, not bothering to get up as she did.
"I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse me for a moment. It seems B may be having an argument with himself again." She looked down at him, face blank. "I'll have to ask you to stay here. I'll be right back." And with that she was gone, having allowed him all the time in the world to be thankful for the crazy boy that accompanied her being able to create a distraction that would put him back on top of this interview altogether without her knowledge.
Ok, I'm going to be honest I was only going to have B and Raito's points of view in this, but then got caught up in the story a but too much. I also wanted to give you a sense of both perspectives, especially since Raito is constantly underestimating Dr Collins as he hasn't come up against somebody quite like her before. As for his many other issues, including his practical split personality and cut off emotions, I like playing around with the idea that Dr Collins can see them much better than Raito.
As for Raito's exploits with girls... I don't see it and I never have. Any of the girls that Raito had been with in the manga or even the anime he had no interest in at all, only using them for his own ends. In this way I think it's kind of easy for DR Collins to see through that, especially since the only person Raito seems to have gotten close to ever was L in any form. I know that in the manga there wasn't really all that chemistry between them but Raito is usually portrayed as all ew about emotions, considering them pointless in his quest as Kira, so hence I took liberty with this (as many of us do) and here we are.
Please leave a review on what you think of this chapter. I'm sorry that it got cut short (it was B's fault) but it would have been too long if I did the whole thing right now and it wouldn't be on time either. So I shall be back next week with part 2!