A/N: Hey CPD readers! I have finally done a second chapter for this :) I got a few reviews recently and people wanted to see Nadia deal with the things that happened to her with Yates. While that was always my plan, I would like to point out that she was not treated like she was in the show. In this story, it's slightly less aggressive (for lack of a better word)
Enjoy!
If Only: Chapter 2 - Moving On and Graduating Up
Nadia sat at the both in Molly's, nursing a beer as she listened to Erin recount her and Nadia's recent trip to Wisconsin. It had been eight months since Yates had kidnapped and assaulted her, and she was doing well. Although it hadn't been that easy at first. Nadia had not been coping well with what had happened to her, which Erin and Jay had confronted her about.
….
"I told you, I'm fine" Nadia grumbled as she moved towards her bedroom, only to be stopped by Erin holding her arm
"Nads come on, you're not dealing with this. just let us help you" Erin replied, her eyes softening as well as her grip on the younger girl's arm.
"Nadia, we're only doing this out of concern" Jay added in "We know you've been through a lot, more than we could imagine, but we just want you to let us in"
Nadia sighed as a tear escaped her eye "I'm sorry" she whispered as Erin and Jay both wrapped their arms around her on either side.
"There's nothing to apologise for dimples" Jay whispered in her ear, earning a small chuckle at his nickname for Nadia.
Erin led them to the couch, so they could all sit before talking. "Talk to us Nadia, we know you're not coping. I've heard you crying in your bed at night, but every time I ask you about it, you tell me nothing's wrong. Why?" Erin asked
Nadia looked down at her hands, lacing and un-lacing her fingers together as she thought about her reply. "I really thought that it would go away. the nightmares, jumping out of my skin at every sudden noise I hear, getting up in the middle of the night to check the door's still locked because my imagination keeps hearing things. I thought that if I just ignored it, that if I could just pretend with everyone that I was ok, that one day I wouldn't be pretending anymore."
"But it didn't work" Jay answered.
"No, no it didn't. If anything I feel like it got worse"
Jay looked at her and sighed "is the problem us? do you not want to talk to us about it?" Nadia nodded slightly "I just…I don't want to have to relive everything, and I know that it would hurt you guys to listen to what happened. I saw the pain in your eyes when I had to give my statement to Voight, and during the trial in New York as well. I didn't want to put you through any more pain"
Erin sighed as she held Nadia tight. She and Jay had talked about that possibility earlier, and had come up with alternatives in case. She bent down and picked up the pamphlets from under the coffee table, placing them in Nadia's lap. "These are trauma counsellors, and therapists. There are also group meetings, kind of like the AA and NA meetings we did. We can pick one of these, that way you can work through all your feelings, and you don't have to worry about what we might hear, it's all confidential" Erin explained "You won't have to tell us anything unless you want to, I promise"
Nadia smiled "Can i look them over and let you know in the morning? It's getting late, I'd kind of just like to go to sleep" She chuckled. Erin and Jay nodded in understanding as they watched Nadia walk towards her room, she stopped short at the doorway and turned around.
"Thank you guys, I feel so blessed to have you two in my corner. I don't know what I'd do without you"
"You won't ever have to find out. We're not going anywhere" Jay stated confidently as Erin nodded in agreement.
…
That was five months ago. Now here they all sat, celebrating Nadia having graduated from the Academy. She couldn't believe this day had finally come. She was proud of how far she had come from those first few weeks.
Nadia had been speaking to a counselor, one who Jay had seen after he came back from his last tour in Afghanistan, during which he and Mouse had lost a friend.
Mouse.
Nadia smiled as she saw the young man smile at her from across the bar. She felt giddy, like a love struck teenager. She had yet to make a move. She knew she liked Mouse, but she wanted to get herself together before she got into any sort of relationship.
Erin looked over at Nadia and smirked. She was absolutely love-struck. She gently jabbed her elbow into Jay's side, and motioned her head towards Nadia, and then Mouse. He let out a soft chuckle as he saw the two, their eyes staying locked on each other for longer than normal.
He stood up, announcing he was going to get a beer, and made his way over to his best friend.
"Hey bud" He spoke as he ordered a beer. Mouse looked at him skeptically.
"Cut the crap Jay, you only ever call me bud when you want to give me some sage advice" He chuckled as Jay nodded in agreement "See? I know you too well. Now what's up?"
Jay smiled "Why haven't you asked her out?" Mouse looked confused "Who"
"Nadia"
"Ohhhh" Mouse clued in.
"Yeah" Jay chuckled "We can all clearly see that you're into each other. Plus, now that Voight's let go of his whole interhouse romance rules, there's nothing stopping you. So?"
Mouse sighed "I just don't want to push her. I know she's been through a lot the past couple months, and we have a really great friendship. I just don't want to ruin it"
Jay clapped his hand against Mouse's back "Dude, not to be rude, but grow some damn balls man! She likes you, just go for it. the worst that could happen is she says no, and you guys just stay friends" Jay rationalised.
Mouse nodded his head, then let out an audible cough, causing Jay to turn his head in time to see Nadia coming towards the bar. Jay turned and made his way to Erin and the group, winking as Nadia walked past him.
"Hey" Erin said as Jay sat back down. She leaned in and kissed his cheek "Hey yourself" he smiled
"So boyfriend, I've missed you" She smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair.
Jay's smile brightened at hearing Erin speak "You're really liking calling me that huh? Boyfriend"
Erin smirked "Well of course, it took a long time for us to finally be able to be together, in public, and I want everyone to know. I finally get to have a normal relationship. It's kinda nice" She smiled.
Jay chuckled "I can't believe Voight actually gave his permission, although you made it kind of hard for him after you threatened for BOTH of us to quit"
"Oh my god, I can't believe I got that worked up. Hank looked at me like I had two heads or something. He'd never heard me talk about a guy like that before" Jay smiled "You must've really loved me hey?"
"You can't stop us anymore Hank. Burgess and Ruzek can be together, we deserve a chance"
"Burgess and Ruzek are an exception" Hank argued
"Please Hank, I want to be with him. I've been loyal to you. my entire life I've chosen you, I've backed you. Please don't make me choose between him and you, because I can guarantee you won't like my decision"
"Erin, rules are there for a reason" Hank justified
"Rules are made to be broken Hank. I know you've broken a few in your day" Erin smirked
Voight gave her a pointed look "This can't happen Erin. I've said no from the start"
"Then you leave me no choice" Erin said, unclipping her badge and gun for her side, placing them on the table "I quit"
Voigt looked at her shock "You can't be serious. You'd give up your job, for him?"
"I'd give up everything for him Hank. I've put him second in the past, and he didn't deserve that. And after everything that happened with Nadia I promised him and myself that I wouldn't let you come between us anymore. The ball's in your court now hank, whatever decision you make, effects us from here on out" She spoke, never once breaking eye contact with him.
Hank let out a deep breath. he could tell by the look in her eye that she was dead serious.
"He really makes you happy?" He questioned "This isn't just some fling, you really like him?" He asked.
"I love him Hank. and he loves me" Erin spoke.
Voight opened his office door and stepped out, Erin following close behind him.
"Halstead" Voight barked, silently telling Jay to stand up and approach him.
Jay stood up and walked over, trying his best to hide his nerves "Yeah Sarge?"
Voight stuck his hand out towards the young man "You take care of her. She's my life. You hurt her, and they won't find you body, I guarantee" He spoke as Jay shook his hand.
"I'd give my life before I let her get hurt sir" He spoke, and Voight could tell by looking in his eyes, he meant every word.
"Eh, you're alright" She smirked.
"Hey!" Jay faux pouted. Erin laughed as she leaned in and kissed him "I love you Jay Halstead"
"I love you too Erin Lindsay" He leaned in and kissed her deeply, the two partners losing themselves in the moment.
"Hey lovebirds! we don't need a show with dinner" Adam Ruzek yelled, effectively breaking the couple apart. The group laughed as Kim Burgess slapped her fiancee's chest
"Don't be rude Adam, they're in love" She smiled looking at the couple
"Speaking of love" Adam said looking towards the bar "You think Mouse finally grew a pair and asked Naddie out?" Jay looked at Ruzek, a mischievous glint in his eyes "I may have convinced him it was the right direction to head in" He spoke as everyone chuckled
"It's about time. I seriously thought they were going to keep doing this whole friends bullshit for the rest of their lives" Antonio commented "I just hope Nadia says yes, I don't think he'll be able to handle it if she does" He chuckled
"She'll say yes" Erin replied confidently "She's just as attracted to him, and she told me on our trip that she was ready to get back in the dating scene"
The group smiled as they looked over at the young, hopefully soon to be, couple. Waiting expectantly to see what would happen
…
"Hey" Nadia said as she approached the bar "Hey Nadia" Mouse replied "What are you having?"
"just water. I'm not supposed to drink too much, doesn't really bode well with NA" She joked
"I get you" He smiled, ordering a bottle of water for Nadia, before turning back to her
"So" He started nervously "I was wondering, if on Saturday Night, you were doing anything?"
Nadia smiled "Not that I'm aware of. Why?"
Mouse smiled once more, feeling his confidence grow a little. What's the worst that could happen? He thought "I want to take you out. On a date. With me" he stuttered. Smooth Mouse, Smooth
Nadia chuckled as his nervousness. She rested her hand on his shoulder and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. She let out a small giggle as she saw the slight blush that crept up his cheeks.
"I would love to"
Mouse looked down at her, his smile brightening even further, and leaned down to kiss her. They both let it escalate, stopping when they heard the cheers from the booth of their friends in the corner. They let out a small laugh and blushed slightly.
"Sorry" mouth said "It's just, I've been wanting to do that since the first day we met"
Nadia blushed further at his words. "I'm not complaining" She replied leaning up to quickly kiss him once more, before taking his hand and leading him back to the booth.
They settled in the booth, joining in the conversation, making idle conversation until Erin focused the attention onto Nadia.
"So, you excited to graduate tomorrow?" Erin asked.
They all smiled. Nadia had come so far, and she had been a big influence in Erin's life, anyone could see the close bond between the two girls. "I'm so excited! I can't wait to be able to work at the 21st District, and as more than a desk lady!" She shrieked, clapping her hands together and bouncing slightly in her chair.
Jay chuckled slightly "You should be glad, Platt likes you. My first day, she told me the beauty parlor was down the block"
The group laughed hysterically at his comment
"Well babe, you do have a pretty boy face" she teased
"Hey! I'm all man" He defended
"Whatever you need to believe babe" she joked.
Jay leaned over and whispered in her ear "I guess I'll have to show you how much of a man I am once we get home"
Erin smiled at the mention of home. their home. Jay, Nadia and Erin had all moved into a new apartment block, closer to the district, but with more space so that Nadia could have her own space as well as Jay and Erin.
"I think home sounds pretty good" She replied.
"You, me, Nads. Home. It's perfect" he replied kissing her cheek.
Jay and Erin were now cuddled up on the couch at home. Nadia had decided to stay at the bar for a little longer to talk with Mouse. The duo were currently in the middle of watching One Tree Hill.
"I don't understand how you never watched Dawson's Creek, or 90210, or any of those shows" Jay spoke.
Erin shrugged her shoulders "I never really got into any of them, didn't have a lot of time to watch when I was living with Bunny. When I got to Voight's, he and I sat and watched TV my first night, and One Tree Hill was on. I could tell Voight wasn't all that interested but he stayed up with me and watched anyways. It's been my favourite show since"
Jay smiled "You know, as much as Voight and I disagree on a lot of things, I'll always be thankful to him. The man saved you, and if he hadn't we may not be here, together"
Erin laughed "You wouldn't be saying that if he hadn't let us be together"
"True" he chuckled "We're just lucky he can't say no to you"
Erin let out a small giggle at his words. She had never felt so carefree in her life, and she knew it was because she had finally gotten what she wanted. Nadia, Jay, Hank, Intelligence. She finally had the perfect family she had dreamed of back when she was 13 taking care of Teddy, and wondering what drugged-up stupor Bunny was in.
She looked up at the wonderful man beside her. He loved her, by some miracle this man loved her. She could tell, they would spend the rest of their lives together.
"Marry me" she whispered.
Jay looked at her, slightly stupefied
"No!" he exclaimed "You can't propose to me! I was gonna propose to yo-"
He was cut off by Erin's lips on his. He responded involuntarily, cupping her face with one hand and wrapping his other hand around her waist.
They broke away after a few minutes, leaning their foreheads against each other.
Erin took in a deep breath of air before she spoke
"Ask me then"
Jay smiled as he stood up and pulled Erin's hand, so she rotated around and was sitting on the couch properly.
"Wait here" he whispered, kissing her quickly before running into their bedroom.
He emerged a few minutes later. He had swapped his pyjama bottoms for jeans and had put on his navy button up shirt, Erin's favourite.
He took her hand as he knelt down in front of her, pulling a box out from his pocket and opening it up. Erin gasped as she saw the simple white gold band, with a diamond in the middle. Simple, yet beautiful, just like she imagined.
"This was my mother's" Jay spoke as he looked at Erin "She gave it to me before she died, and told me to give it to the woman who would make me laugh, and smile. Who'd be there for me when things got rough, who'd always have my back"
He smirked "I think she knew about you before I did" He laughed.
"Erin Lindsay, I love you more than life itself. You make me laugh, and smile, and you've always had my back. You make me feel alive. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me"
Erin smiled as she nodded her head vigorously "Yes, Yes! Of course!" she cried as Jay placed the ring on her finger, then scooped her up and spun her around, eliciting the sweetest laugh from his fiancée.
Jay stopped spinning and Erin wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms still securely placed on his shoulders. She kissed him deeply, sliding her tongue in his mouth, letting it glide along his. He gripped her waist firmly, allowing their kiss to escalate. They were broken apart by the door opening and Nadia's loud voice.
"Ahhh! My eyes!" She yelled as she turned around, while Erin and Jay dislodged from their position and stood with their arms wrapped around each other, the biggest smiles on their faces
"Seriously! We've had this conversation before. No sex anywhere but your bedroom. I don't need to be blinded" Nadia joked as she turned around to face them.
Erin giggled "Sorry, I just can't keep my hands off my sexy fiancée here" Erin said.
Nadia rolled her eyes "Yeah, yeah we all know you're insatiable and – wait. Did you say fiancée?" Nadia asked.
"Well, considering I just proposed. Yeah" Jay smirked as Nadia's face lit up with a bright smile.
Nadia squealed and ran over to the couple, enveloping them in her arms as much as she could. Jay and Erin smiled as they wrapped their arms around Nadia, savoring their group hug.
"This is awesome!" Nadia exclaimed "Oooh Erin we've gotta get you your dress, oh you're going to look beautiful! When are you guys getting married? Where? Oh my god did you ask Voight for permission Jay!? If he finds out you proposed without asking he's gonna chop off you-"
"Nads! Breathe" Jay interrupts her ramble "Yes, I asked Voight, and everything else we'll figure only got engaged five minutes ago" he laughed
"Sorry" Nadia said "I'm just..so happy. Now you'll be an even bigger part of our family" she spoke.
"You've always been my family Nadia. Both of you" He spoke enveloping them both in a hug once more "Nothing, and no one will ever change that. I love you both"
"We love you too" Nadia whispered as Erin leaned up and kissed his cheek.
Nadia and Mouse walked up the stairs to her apartment, hand in hand, both talking as they made their way.
"I had a really nice time tonight" Nadia said
Mouse smiled as they reached her apartment door "Me too. I'd like to take you out again, if you want" He said
Nadia smiled brightly and nodded her head "I'd like that"
She turned and opened the door to her apartment and started to walk inside when she felt Mouse gently grab her arm to stop her. She looked at him questioningly.
"Something wrong?" she asked.
Mouse smirked as he took a step closer to her, their chest touching "Well, I was hoping to give you a goodnight kiss if that's ok"
Nadia let out a soft laugh and wrapped her arms around his neck as Mouse wrapped his arms around her waist, both leaning in until their lips met.
The kiss was gentle, slow, both savouring the feeling of being in each other's arms. Nadia pulled back after a few minutes, letting her forehead rest against Mouse's.
"Wow" She whispered. Mouse chuckled softly and kissed her forehead, reluctantly moving his hands from around their position around her waist.
"Goodnight" he smiled.
Nadia took a deep breath and smiled "Night" she whispered before walking into her apartment and closing the door behind her. She leaned against the door, sliding to the floor. She didn't want him to go. She had never felt like this before, she had never wanted to be with someone as much as she had wanted to be with him.
"Oh boy am I in trouble" she whispered
"And why would that be?" Erin said, surprising Nadia by her presence.
Jay stood behind her, smirking at the obviously flustered young girl.
"How much of that did you hear?" Nadia asked, blushing already knowing the answer. Jay chuckled as he dramatically grabbed Erin's arm
"Well, I was hoping to give you a goodnight kiss if that's ok" he spoke mimicking Mouse's voice. Erin let out a small giggle as she slapped his chest.
"Leave her be Halstead" she pretended to scold him, though the smile was still evident on her face.
Nadia stood up and walked into her room
"I'm going to bed before you two can tease me further" she grumbled as she closed her door.
Jay just chuckled as she walked into her room "You know you love us kid"
"It's debatable!" He heard her yell through the door.
Erin chuckled at the two "She really is falling for him" she spoke as she wrapped her arms around her fiancée's waist and leaned her head against his chest. She let out a yawn as Jay spoke
"Mouse is a good guy" He whispered kissing the top of her head
Erin nodded in agreement "Come on, let's go to bed" She whispered pulling away from him and walking towards the room.
Jay smiled as he walked after her. He couldn't believe how lucky he was. To have both Erin and Nadia in his lives, and to be able to call them both his family. He still couldn't believe how close they had come to losing Nadia forever.
"God I love our little family" He whispered to himself as he followed Erin into their bedroom.
A/N: OK! So, It took a while but – one month, 7 word document pages and 3738 words later - I finally got a second chapter up! I figured since it was my birthday on Friday I would post a chapter as a gift to you all :)
I'm amazed by the amount of people who reviewed and PM'd me asking for a second and third chapter, thank you!
The next chapter will be the end and will have a time jump, showing Nadia, Mouse, Erin and Jay in the future.
Let me know if there's anything you'd like to see in the next chapter and please review!
Maddie :)