Rated: M

Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just like to write about them

Dead Or Alive

by Danigirl

Chapter Five

"Drop your gun."

"You first."

Ice met steel and the once tense reunion took a volatile turn. Fear twisted around her heart as Sam took in both men and she knew that at the slightest provocation someone could die here in this moment. Lorenzo tucked Beth behind him, shielding her and their unborn child with his body while Wyatt looked on in a combination of awe and terror.

Lucky, she wanted to grit her teeth in frustration, had unknowingly complicated things. Even with his .45 pointed directly at Jason's chest; Sam knew he wasn't in control of the situation. To the average on looker, Lucky looked confident, capable, all the things that made him a good Marshall. The grip on his gun was firm and ready to pull the trigger but standing so close, Sam could almost feel his apprehension.

She could almost hear the thoughts rushing through his head. He had heard Beth's angry voice while sitting at his desk and rushed out to see what the problem was. Normally the badge on his chest, and a small use of force was enough to settle a conflict here in Redemption.

Facing down the barrel of a gun that had been removed, faster and more confidently than his own had caused Lucky to falter for a brief moment. Perhaps he might have withdrawn, but with the crowd on the street he had to save face or lose the respect of the citizens he protected.

Unfortunately, Jason was the one holding the strings in this staring match. His loose stance, that easy grip on his Colt, and the cold blank way he stared Lucky down, proved he was more than willing to pull the trigger and think nothing of it. She still couldn't believe just how fast his hand had moved. One moment he had been looking at Beth and the next he had turned into the man she remembered from that back passageway in New Orleans.

Tall, broad shouldered in dark brown and beautifully proportioned shoulders filling out the open duster he wore, she was faced with the man she heard so many rumors about. Jason Morgan. However, where was the brother she heard whispers of, the devastated man who had run off looking for the men that killed his fiancée? Was this him, or was this that other man she heard of, the deadly gunslinger who killed for money.

That brown hat pulled low on his head, made his profile sharp. Dangerous. All she knew was this was the man she had met years before and had never forgotten. He cocked his head to the side slightly, though she figured that was more for intimidation, than the need to see.

Neither man were going to withdraw. Sam knew something bad was going to happen. Instead, something amazing happened. Wyatt tucked his hand into Jason's. The change that came over him was stunning, emotion flickered in those artic blue eyes and his entire body seemed to relax. Though he didn't put his gun away, Sam knew Lucky was no longer in danger of meeting his maker. At least not today.

She decided to make things easier on both men, and moved toward Lucky to get him to back away because somewhere deep inside she knew Jason wouldn't. He had already done his part and now it was time for Lucky to concede as well. Though his gaze remained on Lucky, Sam knew Jason was watching her every movement. Jason was probably aware of everything that was going on around them.

Finally close enough to make a difference, she placed a hand on Lucky's arm, "Why are you holding a gun on Beth's brother?" she started in an exasperated voice, hoping he would turn toward the taunt.

"I know exactly who I'm holding a gun on," Lucky grunted, "Now Lorenzo you get Beth off the streets and take Wyatt with you."

Lorenzo shot Lucky a dry glare and Sam knew he would laugh, so she sent him a pleading look. If she hadn't seen the understanding in Lorenzo's gaze, she would have placed herself between Lucky and Jason but then Beth took control and matters into her own hands.

"I don't need you to tell my husband what to do," Beth's temper flared, "What you need to do, is stop overreacting. What did you think was going to happen? Did you think my own brother was going to hurt me?"

"I was just trying," he started but the contemptuous look Beth shot him had the words drying up.

"I appreciate your concern," she took a deep breath and Sam saw Lorenzo rubbing a hand in circles at the base of her spine. With each second she paused, Sam watched her gain better control of her temper. "I do Lucky, and I shouldn't have started this out on the street where everyone could see. I was just so surprised. Now can you please put that away so we can head inside and I can talk to Jason?"

"You're just going to forgive him for disappearing for ten years," Lucky drawled and Sam could hear the jealousy in his voice. She could almost sympathize. Lucky had done everything he could since arriving in Redemption to be a brother to Beth, and while Beth loved Lucky, it was obvious the place Jason held in her heart could never be supplanted.

Sam supposed it would be like someone trying to replace Zander. It just couldn't be done. Lucky and Beth had only known each other for the five years that he had moved here from Virginia, while Jason was the brother she had grown up with.

"We're not going to do this now Lucky," Beth warned finally self-conscious of the crowd they had drawn, and then she looked at Jason, "Please, let's go inside and talk."

Something flickered in Jason's eyes and Sam watched as Wyatt moved closer to him and much to her surprise Jason backed down. He lowered the gun, slowly withdrawing to slip it into his holster. Lucky reluctantly followed suit, though the grimace of anger on his face hadn't changed. Neither of these men would be having brotherly feelings toward each other any time soon. Still staring at Lucky, he ran a hand over Wyatt's head, "You okay?"

"Uh, yeah," the boy seemed a little shocked still as he gazed between Jason and Lucky, but that turned into a frown at the fury on Lucky's face. Wyatt leaned toward Jason, his blue eyes grew angry, "Can we go with Aunt Beth now?"

"Let's go inside."

Beth looped an arm around Wyatt's shoulder and was escorted back toward the restaurant with Lorenzo's assistance but Jason remained a look of contemplation on his face. At first Sam thought he might be looking at Lucky, then he inclined his head, those intense eyes squinting and she knew his focus was completely on her.

"Excuse me ma'am," he began, that husky voice making shivers run down her spine. Lucky instinctively took a step closer to her, pulling her into his arms. She might have resisted, but didn't want to complicate matters more than they were. Lucky was already strung tighter than a June bug, having the woman he was interested in embarrass him in front of Jason wouldn't help. "Have we met?"

An innocent enough question except it set off all kinds of alarm bells in her head. "NO!" she blurted, too quickly. "No," she tried again in a softer tone. No she didn't want this man to remember that night in New Orleans, nor did she want Lucky to question it. "I'm sure you're mistaken," she licked her lips nervously and noted that his eyes followed the movement.

"Why would Sam be acquainted with a known gunslinger?" Lucky shot off making her cringe.

The side of Jason's lip curled upward as he said, "Why indeed." He inclined his head, "My mistake," he added before turning around.

"You would think Maggie May had taught you manners," Lucky started, "It's not bad enough that you ran off without a word, but now you're accosting innocent women on the streets? It's a wonder someone hasn't put a bullet in you yet."

"Lucky," she whispered, wondering what on earth was wrong with him. Why was he purposely provoking Jason into another altercation when the first had only uneasily ended moments before?

"I've had plenty of bullets put in me," Jason paused and spoke over his shoulder, "No one's been Lucky enough to kill me yet," he mocked softly. "Pardon me ma'am," Jason touched a hand to the brim of his hat briefly and started toward the restaurant in a slow smooth walk that made her swallow back a sigh of appreciation.

The crowd realizing the show was over cleared out leaving her and Lucky standing there alone. Before she could slip away and unabashedly spy on the conversation that was taking place in her restaurant, Lucky grabbed her wrist. The look in his eyes was a mixture of mortification and fury. She tried not to let him see anything more than concern in her gaze. The last thing she needed was for Lucky to see she had more than mild curiosity about Jason Morgan.

"You had no business stepping into the line of fire like that," he scolded and any thoughts of kindness blew away in the late morning breeze. "You could have been shot, or worse killed! Don't you have better sense than that?"

"I suppose that little star on your chest makes you bullet proof," she rolled her eyes, after flicking a finger at the badge he was so proud of. "You really over reacted Lucky."

"Do you know who that man is?" He asked and though she knew a great deal more than Lucky probably thought she did, it was definitely wise to keep it to herself.

"I'm guessing that's Beth's brother Jason," she fudged, "At least that's what Lorenzo said."

"Yeah, that's him," Lucky grumbled, "The prodigal son returns home at last. My father is probably roasting a calf as we speak. That's all I ever heard from the moment I arrived in Redemption, Jason this, Jason that." He muttered and took her hand into his, "You have to listen to me and do as I say Sam."

"Lucky, I don't think we have to repeat the conversation where I tell you that I'm an adult and you don't tell me what to do."

"Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

"Human nature I guess," she lifted a shoulder, not caring if Lucky thought she was stubborn or not. Especially if being stubborn only meant he was angry she wouldn't obey his orders.

"Sam," he paused and looked around, checking to see if anyone was listening, "He's a gunslinger Sam. I've heard about his reputation, and it's not fit for the company of a genteel woman like you."

"Genteel," her brows rose in shock. "There is nothing genteel about me."

"You are a kind, gentle, well-bred woman," he smiled and caressed the side of her face, the affection in his eyes only served to make her feel bad because she couldn't return it. "Jason Morgan, no matter how much Maggie May or my father, or Beth try to deny it, is a danger to anyone who comes around him. I'm surprised they allowed Wyatt off the ranch with Jason alone."

From what she understood, Wyatt was Jason's son, so there wasn't a thing about allowance to it. If Wyatt was willing to accompany Jason, Lucky had no cause for complaint. "I think I should get back," she smiled a bit, hoping he would get the message but he seemed stuck on this Jason rant.

"Promise me you'll keep your distance from him Sam. I'd hate for something to happen to you just because you were being nice to him. He doesn't deserve it."

"Lucky, I don't even know the man," she hedged not willing to make him angry for not wanting to make a promise she didn't believe she had to.

"Sam," he drawled and she waited, saying nothing.

After a long pause, during which she fought conflicting emotions, she settled on, "First, I don't have to promise anything Lucky, we're no longer in a relationship with each other."

"That doesn't' mean that I don't love you, that I'm not concerned about you."

"I know, and that's the only reason you haven't' seen the back of my hand, Lucky Spencer. I'll say this, I won't seek out Jason Morgan while he's here in Redemption, unless I feel that he isn't a threat."

At his outcry, she lifted her chin meeting his eyes, straight on, "You don't decide who I allow in my life Lucky. Get that point straight right now. If I decide that knowing Jason Morgan is important to me, there isn't a damned thing you can do about it."

They were words that would come back to haunt her.

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"Yea, though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death..."

The preacher's words echoed ominously as the blurry images rushed through his head. Pain shuddered through his chest, the weight of the Colt heavy in his palm, the grip burning against his skin as he reached the familiar sight of the bank doors. Slipping the gun back into the holster, he watched his hands slowly reach out and push them open.

"Robin," his husky voice called out, and the crowd parted at the sounds of his heavy booted steps across the wooden planked floor. The scene was so familiar but with each forward movement, he hoped the end would be different. This time he wasn't too late. This time he saved her. There was no grief, no agony. No guilt. Part of him wished he could turn around and go back. Then he wouldn't see. Their concerned faces, all turning to horror as they looked at him in fear.

"Robin?"

He finally reached her side, only to find that white nightgown smeared in dirt and blood, that one frail hand reaching out in plea. Lily. He knew it was a nightmare, knew the images were only a creation of his brain sent to haunt him, just as they had for the past ten years. This was just one more addition to a life lived by a bad man. A man his family would be shamed to know.

He whipped is head up to find himself back at the Diamond C, the burned buildings, the dead men who had all trusted that he would keep them safe.

"Should have known better," Sonny's voice resonated loudly, and he looked around for the source but finding nothing but smoke and ruin. "Should have known not to trust you."

"Sonny?" He shouted, trying to take a step forward but feeling trapped in the spot. Then he heard the sound, that click behind him that signaled he had let his guard down. Just like the first time and that damned voice.

"I can make you famous."

The next move that would seal his fate, turn his life from one of vengeance and grief, to that of a man who always watched his back. It was a simple trick that Luke had taught him, one he had spent countless hours on the trail with the cattle perfecting. Until it was finally as natural as breathing.

The barrel of the gun was in his palm, the trigger already being pulled as he continued to turn, the discharge loud in his ears.

Only this time instead of the arrogant bastard who had been trying to further the name he made for himself catching the bullet high in the chest, falling to the ground with a look of surprise on his face, it was his son.

"Wyatt!"

The boom of his voice rang in his ears, but it was too late.

His small frame jerked at the impact, began falling backward with a stunned pain, the little hand that had gripped his today reaching out to him, but he couldn't move, was frozen and forced to watch the son he didn't know die. Dead because of him. They always died because of him.

"...I will fear no evil."

Jerking up from the pillow, his breathing harsh and loud in the darkened bedroom, Jason blinked past the nightmare and the terror that crept up his spin. He was used to the dreams, from the first time he rode out from Rose Creek they had haunted him. First with Robin, then the faces of people who had died at his hand along the way. Only recently had Sonny and his family joined the distorted pictures but this new one, seeing his son die at his hand was new.

Covered with sweat, he rose jerkily from the bed. If anyone had seen him during these vulnerable moments, they would have been shocked. Gone was the cold gunslinger of reputation. In his place was this ghost who could barely function. His body quaked with each movement, hands shaking so bad that if he had to pick up his gun, he probably would have shot himself.

Jason slipped into the pair of pants he wore today, digging around in his bags until the slim sticks were in his hand and rushed out of the room. His bare feet covered the sounds of his furious steps through the house, until he was safely out the backdoor without notice. The shaking was so bad that as he leaned against the side of the house, as he placed the cheroot in his mouth, brought the wavering flame to it's end, he wondered yet again when he would finally step over the precarious edge of sanity once and for all.

Drawing in a deep breath, taking a long drag and watching the tip burn bright red in the darkened night, the smoke filled his lungs, stung. He was half way through a third, before the quavering finally stopped and he was calm enough to slide down to the porch and sit.

Letting the cheroot burn within his fingers, Jason closed his eyes, finally feeling the cold night air drying his damp skin. He should have anticipated the nightmare. He couldn't afford to be caught vulnerable, there were too many variables now that he was back in Redemption, and he needed to stay on guard.

Seeing Beth, learning about Wyatt, trying to get past the disappointment in Luke's eyes and his mother's joy, he should have known he would be hit with one of the damned things. After the confrontation with the man Beth would tell him was his stepbrother, and Redemption's Marshall, they went into a restaurant and took a small table near the back to talk.

Little Ella was married now. He could barely believe it. The little sister who trailed after him, who had wanted to learn about the horses from him but only because she had a bad case of hero worship, was all grown up. Married to a banker of all people, though from the look of Lorenzo Alcazar he seemed capable of protecting her. Not only did he have a son, but two nephews and Ella was carrying a third as well.

Wyatt was close to Ella, which was good. There could never be too many people to love that boy, especially since Wyatt was stuck with him as a father.

Now that he was alone, Jason could finally think about everything that was certain to come. Luke already had his questions, the most important one, why had he come home. His mother took pity on him and held Luke off but Jason understood the reprieve was only to be a brief one. Tomorrow, he would have to face those questions, tell it all if he was going to find some way to stay here in Redemption to be with Wyatt.

Even then, he might not succeed. Might be taken off to prison, or worse yet, someone might take his own method of shoot first and apply it to him.

"I thought I heard someone out here," the gruff voice came from behind him, as the screen door closed. He waited until Luke sat down next to him dressed in pajamas and a black robe, gave him an inscrutable glare but he said nothing. "So you met Lucky today?"

"Um, hmm," he murmured, taking a slow drag and blowing the smoke out into the night air, "A bit of a hot head."

"Like his old man, unfortunately," Luke admitted, "No matter how much he may like to pretend otherwise." Luke sniffed and nodded slowly, "Came to Redemption about five years ago to find me. Had a brief relationship with his mother Laura back in Virginia. Pretty little waitress on a riverboat where I built my stake to come out here. I was long gone before she realized she was pregnant, was forced to raise Lucky on her own."

Jason lifted a brow, "You don't have to explain yourself to me."

"Yeah I do," Luke murmured, "Maggie May reminded me of that when you and Wyatt went to town." He gave a gruff chuckle, "Something about glass houses and stones." That sounded like his mother. "So I owe you an apology for how I reacted."

"You were right," Jason said softly, "So there's no need for any apologies. I left here with no thought to how it would affect anyone other than me. I couldn't see past my own grief and pain, and then I stayed away because it was easier than facing the man I had become."

"Did you find them?"

He stood then, stretching his long legs, feeling the tense muscles loosen finally, and his body calm. For the moment. "Yeah, I found them." The tone of his voice left no doubt that the men who had killed Robin were dead and also clearly stated that he had no intention of discussing it. Luke was never a man who left well enough alone.

"So how did you get mixed up in this gunslinger mess?"

How to explain to the man you idolized as a child that death became just a bit easier once you pulled the trigger for the first time. Though the faces haunted him, and he would remember each and every man he had killed, pulling the trigger was as much apart of him now as the color of his eyes.

"An idiot trying to make a name for himself," he answered simply. "I was in Kansas, tracking down a bounty and stepped out of a saloon and there he was waiting for me. Gun drawn, heard that I'd taken down the Kent boys back in Missouri. He pulled his trigger, I pulled mine and I was the last man standing. End of story."

"That's awfully goddamn cold. You used to have a bit more feeling boy," Luke said softly and Jason nodded in agreement.

"I used to be a lot of things Luke. I'm not anymore." He took another drag off the cheroot, "I got trouble coming," he admitted, figuring it was better to get it out now than later. "I might have to head out for a few days to deal with it. I don't want it to touch Mama or Wyatt."

"You coming back," Luke's tentative voice was just another reason for him to be ashamed.

"That's my plan, if I don't, I'll have word sent back."

"If you're dead you mean," Luke deadpanned.

"That's the only reason I'd abandon my son a second time," one corner of his mouth lifted in a mirthless smile. "I know my word doesn't count for shit after ten years of being away, but it is the truth." The only reason he'd ever leave Wyatt now was if he was dead. Unfortunately, that just might be the case.

Luke rose and Jason listened to his steps as they approached him, a hand slipping over his shoulder, "That's the problem Jason, you've never understood that you have a family here that loves you. That will support you no matter what."

"I can't let my problems hurt all of you."

"We hurt regardless," Luke answered solemnly, "Don't you think it's time you allowed your family to help you Jason. We let you run off because there just didn't seem to be anything we could do to help you. Maggie May thought it best to give you that time on your own. Never thought you wouldn't come back. We love you; there isn't a thing you could have done that will change that. No man you've killed, no line you've crossed, nothing."

Luke stepped around bracing both his hands on his shoulders and Jason could feel his eyes waiting for him to look up. When he finally did Luke said, "You're my son. I don't care that it's not my blood running through your veins, that I didn't create you with Maggie May. The day I met you, you became mine. I protect what's mine Jason, you hear?"

A sad smile lifted the corner of his mouth, "Yeah I hear."