Hello! I know it's been long, but I'm here with a coda for the last episode. I guess it was basically everyone who wrote something to fix the mess that the episode was and I've read most of the codas, but this is what I think could happen too. Thanks for reading! :)
SPN 12X23 ALL ALONG THE WATCHTOWER - CODA
Lost
It's cold.
And it's late.
He doesn't care.
Dean doesn't even know how long he's been sitting there. The sight of the pattern of Cas' wings burned into the sand is a memory he doesn't want to have. A memory he doesn't want to relive every night. But it's there. Permanently imprinted into his brain, not ever going away. Even if Cas comes back, it'll always be there, haunting Dean like a ghost.
The tears on his cheeks are cold, silently dripping on his jacket. He hears himself sobbing as if from a distance.
He feels numb.
When he reaches for Cas' hand, carefully letting his fingers brush against his, they're cold as well. He leans down and presses Cas' hand to his mouth, giving it a kiss while closing his eyes. Once he closes them, he feels like he can't ever open them again.
The reality feels like a dream. But he knows it's real. And then if he falls asleep tonight, his dreams will feel like the reality – too painful. Both are the same. And both suck. He just wants to escape this, this moment. But he can't.
He's still kneeling next to Cas' body, praying for a miracle and holding his hand so tight that his knuckles turn white. Gently, he lays his head on Cas' chest. It makes him feel even worse.
Because this, he could have had it. If he just had the guts to admit it and tell what needed to be told between them, if he held Cas' hand like this before it was too late... he'd get to do this. To lay his head on his angel's chest and stop caring about the world.
But now that he's lying there, Cas is all he can think about. Cas was his world. Still is.
And he doesn't know if he can live on without him.
"No! Jack! Please stop!" He hears his brother's voice and remembers that Sam left him alone. Of course he left. He wanted to leave Dean alone, give him a moment of privacy. He was an amazing brother.
But now because of him, Dean is forced to open his eyes again and face the reality. Face the world without his angel by his side, only with his brother and mo- oh. She's gone too.
"Jack!"
Dean raises his head and doesn't look down on Cas' face. He keeps his eyes shut until he knows for sure it'll be only Sam he'll see.
What he sees is his brother, running across the sand towards the lake, chasing the nephilim. But then suddenly a portal to another world opens again and the nephilim is gone. Sam stops abruptly and looks at Dean, who's still not standing up. He can't get his legs to work and he's not sure if there's a point anymore.
But the portal is open again.
xoXÖXox
"No!" Lucifer screams as Mary watches the portal disappear in front of her eyes. Her only way back home, to her boys, is gone forever and she's alone in an alternate reality with the Devil himself. A fallen angel, the Morning Star, who's killed one of her boys tonight and was planning to do more.
Mary slowly stands up as Lucifer's eyes fall on her and glow red. He's angry now. Before that he was just cocky, but now he's enraged and Mary is sure she will not survive this. But that is okay. She's saved her sons, hopefully saved the world and now it's her price to pay for being alive when she shouldn't have been.
The balance will be restored again.
"You." Lucifer's eyes are still red and he's slowly moving towards her. Her only weapon are the brass knuckles, but they won't do much against him. This is her end. The end of Mary Winchester.
She straightens up and smiles. "I saved them." She says. "And now there's no way for you back."
Lucifer isn't smiling. "Lucky for you, there's no way back for you either." He snarls.
Mary drops the knuckles to the ground and shrugs. "But unlike you... I don't care." It comes out as a hiss and for a brief moment she's proud of herself – she punched the devil and now is standing up to him. Something she never thought she'd do.
When Lucifer hears her response, he growls and raises his hands in her direction, his eyes glowing again. Then he suddenly smiles. "Oh, this will hurt, mommy. And you won't die unless I want you to."
A loud thunder right above them interrupts them both and they almost get blinded by white light. When Mary opens her eyes again, there are dozens of people all standing around her and around Lucifer. Before she can really take a look at them, they all turn to Lucifer and stop paying attention to her, as if they couldn't even see her, as if she was no one.
"What are you doing here, brother?" One of them says. "You are supposed to be in the cage."
Lucifer raises his eyebrows and looks around at all of them. They look strange, but even Mary figures out they're angels of this world. When Lucifer notices that too, he laughs. "Aw, look at that. Daddy's boys, all gathered to get rid of me." Then his smirk disappears and his eyes turn red again. "You won't succeed."
"We've succeeded before." An angel in a female vessel tells him and walks over to him.
Lucifer smirks and raises his hand. Then he snaps his fingers, expecting her to explode, but the angel continues walking as if nothing happened. Lucifer frowns and when he tries to kill her again with the same result, his eyes widen.
"No, no, no, how are you doing that?" He smiles. It's brief and Mary can see panic in it.
But it's too late. The angel grabs his arm and looks him in the eyes. "You're going back." Then she looks him up and down and tilts her head slightly with a frown on her face. When she seems to figure out whatever she thought was wrong, she raises her two fingers to his forehead. "No matter what universe you are from."
With that Lucifer's eyes roll back and he falls to the ground. Two angels go pick him up and when Mary blinks, they're all gone.
She blinks again and then again, frowning. Did she just witness what she witnessed? Did that really just happen? Is she really still alive, saved by the angels from an alternate reality? She sighs and rubs her eyes, trying to figure out when exactly did she sign up for this when other hunters seem to have much more normal lives than the Winchesters, whatever the word normal in their community means. But what happened happened and now she's where she ended up, far away from her sons and from her home, with no way back, and with a really creepy alternate reality to face.
She picks up the brass knuckles again and looks around. The place looks dead.
Just as she's about to walk to the nearest corpse and find out whether the person is still alive, there's a strange sound coming from behind her. Her eyes widen when she recognizes that sound. She quickly turns around and smiles when she sees the portal again.
Still gold and orange, still glowing.
Without any hesitation she runs towards it and touches it, appearing on the other side within seconds. And as soon as she's back, the portal disappears again.
The first thing she sees is Sam's surprised smile and then she is yet again, enveloped in his large arms, wondering how did he ever grow up to be this tall. But one pair of arms is missing, and she feels the absence with every second passing by.
"Mom, you're back." Sam sighs, finally letting her go.
"I am." She smiles up at him.
"Did you see Jack? Lucifer's son? He went through the portal right before you appeared here." Sam tells her, surprising her.
She shakes her head with a frown on her face. "No, as soon as I saw the portal, I ran back."
Sam nods and then his smile disappears as well. He looks down and swallows, moving out of her way so she can finally see what she couldn't before. It's her oldest son, kneeling next to a body, his fingers interlocked with the angel's. Her eyes widen when she finally realizes what happened. She couldn't think about it before, she only saw Lucifer and Sam with Dean. But now? She allows herself to see Castiel as well, lying on the ground, his body cold.
When Dean looks at her, he looks broken, shaken to the core. His face is wet and he keeps staring at her with wide eyes, as if not sure where to look and where he wants to look. When she takes a little step towards him and whispers his name, he blinks and his eyes wander around until they eventually settle on Cas again.
Mary can feel Sam's gentle hand on her shoulder and she glances at him. His lips are a tight line and his expression tells her everything she needs. Cas was family. He's been there for them when she wasn't, and now he was gone, his wings forever imprinted into the ground around him.
She silently approaches Dean and kneels down next to him, looking at Castiel's lifeless face. When she looks at Dean, his lips are trembling and his eyes aren't leaving the angel in front of them. With a hard swallow, Mary puts her hand on Dean's shoulder and squeezes. He doesn't hold her hand. He doesn't say a word. He just rubs his thumb over the back of Cas' palm, their fingers still interlocked, and he closes his eyes, bowing his head, his sobs shaking his whole body.
Mary didn't know Castiel much. But as soon as she saw her son embrace him the first time she met the angel, she knew he was there to stay. Castiel was family after all. A Winchester.
And seeing him there, lying on the ground, she knows she's lost one of her boys.
xoXÖXox
Dean refuses to burn the body. Sam knows he could have expected that, but it still hurts him to hear Dean's shaky voice tell him that there was no way they were doing that now. He knows that Dean needs time and when Mary eventually looked at Sam, still kneeling next to her oldest son, he shook his head and wiped his tears.
Eventually, Mary stood up and left Dean on the ground with the body. She went over to Sam and together they entered the house again, busying themselves with digging a grave for Kelly. They lowered her body into the hole in the ground while Dean grieved, his sobs quieting down.
But the grave was finished now and Kelly rested in peace.
"Do you think he'll be okay?" His mom asks and Sam shakes his head again.
"I don't know." He answers. His voice is quiet and full of sorrow. He just lost his best friend, almost his brother, and he doesn't even know if he can be okay eventually. Maybe he'll feel better and get over it with time, but Dean? That will be much harder. And he's worried his brother won't ever be the same.
Mary nods and looks at Dean, who is slowly reaching for Castiel's body, lifting him up. When Sam notices that, he quickly hurries to help him, but it's no use. Dean doesn't want help and he manages to get Cas in the back of the Impala on his own.
"Dean?" Sam asks when he sees that his brother keeps Cas' head in his lap and is sitting in the backseat too. But Dean doesn't answer, only runs his fingers through Cas' hair and then he stops, knowing that both Sam and Mary can see him. He turns away and looks out of the opposite window.
Sam nods silently and gets to the driver's seat, waiting until Mary's sitting next to him. "We're going home." He tells her and she nods, glancing at her oldest son in the mirror whose eyes are closed and then tearing her gaze away, not being able to watch Castiel's dead body.
.
.
.
Dean doesn't talk.
He doesn't say a word the whole ride back to the partly destroyed bunker, and he keeps silent even after he drags Cas's body back to his own room.
But it's when he doesn't talk for two days when Sam starts getting really worried. Dean barely left his room – Sam knows he leaves his room at night to get more books and probably reads so much, trying to find out how to bring Cas back, that he doesn't even have time to leave his room during the day or talk. But when Sam went to check on him, he saw that he put Cas' body in his bed and slept in his chair.
It's happened before. Once. When their mom died when they were still kids, Dean didn't talk for weeks.
Dean doesn't eat either.
When Mary brought him his favorite pie to his room, he barely touched it and didn't even look at his mother.
That's why it's such a surprise when Sam looks up and sees Dean slowly approaching him and Mary in the library.
They were talking about him and Castiel before they stopped and both looked up at Dean.
"How long have you known Castiel exactly?" Mary asked when they were still alone.
Sam looked up from his book on angel resurrection (and yes, he knew that he shouldn't play with witchcraft and that Dean's probably already gone through that book, but Dean was truly desperate and so far Sam only found out it was impossible unless done by an archangel or God anyway).
"Over eight years, I think." He told her.
After a moment of silence, Mary looked down and sighed. "I didn't get to know him much, but I miss him. He always seemed to be around here, with both of you. Watching over you."
Sam smiled at that, but that smile soon disappeared. "Yeah, Dean used to hate that. When he woke up and realized Cas has been watching over him the whole night." He looked up at Mary and nodded. "But that changed, obviously. He was like a brother to me, and..." He trailed off and looked down, wondering how to formulate what he wanted to say.
"And?" Mary asked.
"And... and to Dean, he was... he was much more." He answered finally and nodded, clearing his throat. He didn't know if Dean knew that Sam knew about his feelings, and he knew that Dean regretted not acting on them every second now because it was too late. He looked up at Mary again, only to find her nodding and looking even sadder than before. But her eyes told him she understood what he meant.
"I remember when I held John's dead body in my arms." She told him. "I thought I'd never be happy again, until..."
"Yeah," Sam pursed his lips, knowing well that uncovering these painful memories was... well, painful.
"Yeah." Marry nodded.
That was when Dean walked up to them and stopped right in front of the table.
He's still standing there, not looking at his family and Sam can see the pain in his brother's every breath. It makes him so sad to see him like this, especially when he knows that Dean and Cas never really got a chance to talk after Cas left.
Finally, Dean looks up and opens his mouth. Nothing comes out, but both Sam and Mary are patient. They know how hard this must be, especially when this time Cas died permanently, with an angel blade and his wings burned to the ground and everything. The book Sam's reading is thin and holds minimum of information gathered by the Men of Letters, and Dean's already read everything he needed to know that this was the end. And Rowena, maybe the only person who could help them, is dead too.
Dean clears his throat and closes his eyes briefly. Then he looks into Sam's eyes and nods a little. "We'll bury him behind the bunker in the forest." He tells them.
"Alright." Sam nods, glad that he hears his brother's voice. When he opens his mouth to say more though, Dean turns around and leaves, not saying anything else. Sam sighs and watches his brother disappear in the hall, on his way to his room.
This is way more painful than he thought it would be. Because if after two days all he got from Dean was one sentence, he can't imagine what state Dean would be in once Cas is buried.
When he looks back at the book in his hands, closes it and then looks up at Mary, he sees tears in her eyes. She's still watching the hall where she saw her son disappear into.
xoXÖXox
It's middle of the night and he's holding a shovel that Sam gave him. He hasn't started digging yet though because all he can do is watch Cas's face and try to memorize every little curve he sees, every tiny wrinkle.
He can't believe that in a few short moments – once he starts helping Sam and his mom, and he will help with the digging – that Cas will be gone forever. Buried in the forest, six feet under.
Dean only wants to keep the trench coat.
He grips the handle of the shovel more tightly and turns away from the body, finally facing the hole in the ground. He's surprised when he sees it's almost finished. He doesn't even know how long he spent just watching Cas, waiting for any little sign of life in his features and even after two days finding none.
Dean gets down on his knees and helps Sam and his mom and he doesn't stop until it's ready, now only waiting for the body.
"It's ready," Sam states and Dean nods, looking up at the ground where Cas' body rests lifelessly.
After a moment of silence, he climbs up the hole and slowly kneels down next to Castiel. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes briefly because this is exactly what happened when Cas died. He knelt next to him and grieved, and now, two days later, he's saying goodbye.
He lifts Cas' head and moves his arm under his shoulders, then he lifts his knees and stands up, keeping Cas in his arms. When he turns around, Sam and Mary are already looking at him, both miserable. Dean looks down at Cas' face that is resting against his shoulder and when even then the angel doesn't move, he walks over to the hole and hands Cas' body to Mary and Sam, who are still in the hole, waiting.
Dean stands up again and takes a deep breath, watching his brother and his mom lower the love of his life into the ground. There's no going back now. It's over. Maybe, some day he'll feel alright again, things will get back to normal. But then, for the first time he understands what is happening.
He watched the man he loves die.
And there is no normal after that.
Then, all of a sudden, a golden light almost blinds them and they hear a noise that they all recognize. It's the sound of another portal to the alternate reality opening, right there in front of them in the forest.
When the light disappears and they're all able to look at the crack, they almost stop breathing with anticipation of what is about to come. Is Lucifer coming back? Is it Bobby or someone else from the parallel universe?
It takes a few seconds before anything else happens. But eventually, it's Jack who walks through the portal and as soon as he's there, the crack disappears behind him and they're all in the darkness of the night again, only illuminated by the full moon.
Dean immediately takes out his gun and points it at the nephilim, while Sam and Mary don't move because they're still holding Cas. They can't even reach for their guns!
But Dean doesn't see that. All he sees is Jack, the nephilim, Lucifer's son, and also the reason Lucifer wanted to stay in this universe and therefore killed Cas. If it wasn't for Jack, Cas would still be alive.
"Hello." Jack says, not looking very evil, but not looking good either. Dean still points his gun at him and he's still angry. And that feeling won't go away easily.
"What do you want?" He asks.
Jack looks at him and then sighs. "I ran away from you Sam because I needed to see my father." The nephilim turns to the younger Winchester instead. "I needed to see him for who he was, but all I found was rage, and a world at the brink of destruction."
No one says a word, and Jack sighs again.
"That's why I-"
"I asked what do you want?" Dean repeats his question, taking a little step forward and keeping his gun in the air.
Jack looks at him and then down at the hole in the ground. "I want my father back." He tells them.
"Well, bad news. You should have stayed where you were." Dean growls at him, yet again using his wit to hide his emotions. He's scared that Jack will attack and kill the rest of his family. He's Lucifer's son after all.
But all Jack does is that he shakes his head. "No." He answers. "Lucifer might be my real father, but all I could learn from him was hatred for humanity. And I can't hate something that I barely know. I..." He stops for a moment and then looks at Dean with such intensity that it almost makes Dean shiver. "I came for my chosen father. Castiel."
"No." Dean frowns. "No, don't you dare touch him! You hear me?"
"Dean." He hears Sam call his name. Dean doesn't care though and makes another step closer to the nephilim.
"Those weapons can't hurt me." Jack tells him and makes a few steps closer, stopping just a few feet in front of them. Dean knows Jack is right, but he fires anyway.
"I said don't you dare touch him." He repeats his warning, his voice breaking. Damn it, he didn't want to sound weak, but he really can't help it. The last he needs right now is some nephilim taking Cas away from him.
Jack tilts his head a little and purses his lips. "I can bring him back." He offers. "I need someone to teach me, Dean. And I've chosen Castiel even before I was born. I need to learn all about this world."
"You don't-"
"Dean!" Sam raises his voice again, this time making Dean look down at him. And he shouldn't have done that because looking at Sam makes him look at Castiel, who's still there, with his head in Sam's arms.
"What?" Dean snaps.
"Did you even listen to him?" His brother asks. "He can bring Cas back. Don't you want that?" When Dean doesn't say anything and only looks down, Sam continues. "And he just said that he wants to learn about this world. He doesn't want to destroy it, he wants to learn, Dean."
"He's Lucifer's son, Sam!" Dean shakes his head. "He's-"
"I'm not here to harm you." Jack interrupts him. "I'm here for my father and teacher. Castiel."
Dean looks at Jack again and frowns. Is this a good idea? He's desperate. He wants, needs, to have Castiel back and if this is the way... but is it the right thing to do?
"Is this really a good idea?" Mary breaks the silence between them.
Sam looks at her and then at Cas' body. "I think we'll find out once it's done." He shrugs.
Dean keeps looking at Jack, trying to find anything that would tell him that this is a good idea. Anything that would tell him that he isn't about to do the stupidest decision of his life because he's long forgotten that what is dead should stay dead. And he knows it's wrong to keep trying to save the people he loves, despite the possibility of another apocalypse. But here and now? Jack has the power to bring Cas back to him. Where are the consequences? If there are none, he has to take the chance.
Jack doesn't stop looking into his eyes either, until Dean slowly lowers his gun. He keeps it in his hand though and takes a step closer to the nephilim. He raises his finger at him and says, "one wrong move-"
"I know." Jack nods. And even though they both know that neither of the Winchesters has the power to even endanger Jack, he's glad that the warning works.
Jack walks over to the hole, and Dean takes Cas' body back into his arms, slowly laying him on the soft forest ground. With his head in his lap and his family around him, he waits for the nephilim to do what he needs to. Jack raises his hand and lays it on Cas' forehead, closing his eyes. Golden light emerges from his palm and connects both Cas and Jack in almost white glow that gets so powerful that Dean has to shield his eyes. When he opens them again and puts his hand down, his lap is empty and the nephilim is nowhere to be seen.
Castiel is gone.
.
.
.
"No!"
I know, I know, I'm sorry for not fixing it like you probably expected I would, but I think that Cas and Dean should stay separated for a little while. If they get back right in 13x01, fine, but I think that would be too soon. Just think about it - the longer Dean's without Cas, the better their "oh my god you're alive" hug will be :D
Please tell me what you think and if you want me to continue this, thanks! :)