She lied when she left when she walked away she said that she would never look back that it was all going to be fine that she was strong. She had been weak so weak to walk far from the smile that had greeted her in the mornings to lose the softly spoken words of love that were spoken when they were alone. Cat hated that she could not let go, no matter how many people there were in and out of her bed, she could not forget the sunny smile that had once occupied her mornings. The smile that was shared over coffee.

Cat could not lie to herself in the middle of the night when she would end up crying knowing that she could not go backward, having to remind herself that she was the one that had left. She had no right to walk back into Kara's life she could not bring her more pain. Those nights the images of Kara looking at her with tears in her eyes asking her why she was turning away from them. Life had been so much better with the younger woman there to hold her on lonely nights she had always been there when she needed her most.

Keeping up with Kara's life seemed to make it worse and better in equal measures she would see pictures of Kara smiling and know that Kara was happy and that is why she had left she would have dragged Kara down. With Kara's smiles came pain though Cat had to look and see the smile that she had once been able to bring to the blonde's face knowing that she was no longer the reason for that smile. The tears would then come back, on particularly bad nights, she would find comfort in a bottle of scotch.

Carter had been sad when they ended it; he had loved having Kara around, she hated knowing that she had brought her son into this, but she knew she was just going to save him the pain of when Kara would inevitably leave her for a younger and better looking person. That thought would always bring on a new wave of tears. When had she let herself fall in love with the sunny woman, some days she thinks maybe it would be better if she could go back in time and make sure Kara was never hired, but then she remembers just how Kara had changed her how she had made her life better how everything was better with Kara.

Working seemed to be the only thing that she could do to push away the pain it had been weeks but the heartbreak still felt just as fresh. The worst part is that she could not be mad at Kara, sweet Kara, who had never been anything but amazing to her no matter how harsh she was Kara always saw beyond her harsh exterior, she saw her for who she was. Kara loved her thorns and all.

Moving on was not an option no, she could not imagine truly moving on from the superhero she could not fall in love without Kara. She could push back the cold nights with one-night stands and various strangers in her bed. She wonders late at night how Kara is doing she wonders if she ever has to force her smiles if she is broken like Cat is unable to think of a life being as full as it had been when they were together.

Each morning she would hug Carter good-bye, and he would always give her a look that said he knew he knew that she had been crying that she was still hurting, and he would rush back he would hug her one more time tighter and tell her that he loved her. He had decided that he would be strong for her; he did not lose Kara the two even so saw each other every time he was back in national city. He had found her one night crying on the balcony he had simply sat with her and held her when she needed him. He had told her that she was always there to take care of him that this time he could help her for a little while.

Carter had been angry with her at first, but he had realised how much she was hurting he had gone to her and held her knowing that she needed to know that he could at no time hate her. She felt scared and alone. The world would not at any time see this Cat Grant the world would never know that she had insecurities the world would never know that when she fell in love, she fell hard and when she let go of love it crushed her.

Board meetings where she would have to physically show up at Catco were scheduled around making sure that she would not run into Kara, she was not sure her heart could take seeing Kara's smile in person, her heart could not stay away from that smile, she would gravitate her lonely heart would not be able to let go of Kara it would cling to her through thick and thin until it fell again for another. She did not want to fall for another though that would mean leaving behind the memories the mornings.

Kara woke up late it was Saturday morning she rushed into the kitchen she usually tried to get some breakfast for Carter and Cat before they woke up, she may not have been much of a cook when they first started dating, but she had soon learned under Cat's careful tutelage. She walked in order to find Cat and Carter laughing while making breakfast enough to feed an army or a hungry kryptonian. Kara smiled at the sight not to mention the smell of bacon and pancakes.

" So supergirl do you want bacon or sausage with your pancakes?" Cat asked with a smirk on her face, she saw how happy Kara looked in that moment. A smile gracing her beautiful face it felt right this was their little family.

" Is both an option angel"

Kara's words still hung in her mind as she let a another tear roll down her face. They had spent that morning watching cartoons with Carter they had laughed that morning like she had not laughed in years. How she had managed to get so lucky she did not know, but she was glad to have the love Kara had given so willingly she had smiled so brightly. Cat remembered how she had broken that smile how tears had fallen from those perfect blue eyes those eyes that would look at her like she had hung the stars in the sky.

Blue eyes would forever haunt her dreams and her waking memories those perfect eyes that would light up when she spoke about her culture those eyes that held so much pain and so much suffering those eyes that constantly saw happiness in all the world. Kara saw the good oh, she had seen the good in Cat and there was no doubt in Cat's mind that Kara now regretted seeing that good she was surprised, she had not heard of Kara calling her heartless or a bitch but then again, could Kara ever be cruel or mean to her.

Cat curled up once again alone cold and tired her emotions having exhausted her no amount of traveling or music had been able to get rid of the feeling or the lack of feeling. She hated waking up and not feeling the familiar heat of Kara's body next to hers, she hated that she hated herself for leaving she hated her lonely heart for wanting to run back she hated her heart for telling her to run away before Kara could hurt her at least if Kara had hurt her; she would have been able to hate her but the only person she could hate at this point was herself.

A.N. i'm sorry for the angst and i apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes and for the wait I am working on a few multi chapter fics that have taken most of my attention so it may be longer between updates on this one