Day 3

B'Elanna

I feel hot again, and it wakes me. Not hot like before though, not like I when I woke over his shoulder three days ago. I'm…. no wait. I'm cold. The fire has died out and it's still the middle of the night. A shiver runs through me. I have to get the flame started again. More kindling, phaser. Ah….that's better. My hands were almost numb.

Chakotay is still asleep, I can see him now, back up against the rocks. But he's…. hot. I know this, I feel he is hot. He is the reason I woke up.

"Chakotay?"

He looks peaceful, but oh, in the flicker of the firelight I can see that he's sweating. "Hey, Chakotay."

He's groaning now, at least that's a start. God, he's feeling really warm, and queasy. Oh, shit. He's making me feel sick. Something's really wrong.

I'm crawling over to him on hands and knees. His nausea is hard for me to fight back.

"Oh God," I exclaim upon touching his forehead. "Chakotay!" I've got my hands on his shoulders now, I'm shaking him. "Chakotay, wake up."

He's moaning and his eyes are drunkenly fluttering open.

"You're burning, Chakotay. Wake up!" His fever must be extremely high. I grab for the tricorder. 40.6 degrees. "Shit," I exhale.

With another loud groan he starts to come around and tries to sit up, "Oh….."

"Easy. You have a high fever, I'm trying to figure out why."

"My leg," he hisses. I pull up his pant leg and see he is correct. It's swollen and red with a welt in the middle.

"Something must have bit you," I tell him.

"I know."

And now he's feeling freezing. Chills. He shivers and so do I.

"You know? Why the hell didn't you say something?"

"I didn't want to worry you. It happened while I was gathering kindling earlier."

"And I was too far away to notice," I chastise. I'm sure he's hearing the expletives that are being unleashed in my thoughts. But then I look at him and I can't be angry anymore. He's suffering, that is extremely clear.

"Try to sit up," I tell him and he does his best with my help. "And stop feeling so nauseous would you? You're going to make me hurl."

"Sorry. Oh, spirits B'Elanna," he grinds through clenched teeth. "My leg…."

"It hurts a lot, believe me, I know." And it's true, I feel as if my own leg has a hot poker stuck in it. I check myself quickly with the tricorder just to be sure, but no. I'm fine.

I can hear him panting, breath coming in quicker gasps as I turn the instrument back on him. "Your respiration, heartrate, blood pressure…. It's all elevated. You've got some kind of serious infection, maybe even a toxin of some kind from that bite, all I can tell without a damn medical tricorder is that it's spreading fast."

"I'm okay."

"No, you're not." I move back over and attempt to grab him under the arms. "I need to get you further from this fire, it's not helping your fever."

Together, we take a very slow slide across the floor until I can get him up against some of the cooler rocks. I give him a flat one to lay against his forehead.

I start to go over things in my mind, trying desperately to stay calm. 'If I can't control the infection, his fever is going to keep going up. It's progressed so fast, we were only asleep a few hours, and I have absolutely nothing to work with here.'

The dancing light reflects a glazed-over iciness to his eyes. His lids are beginning to droop again. The rock he was holding thuds to the floor.

"Hey big guy," I say, shaking him gently by the shoulders. "You have to stay with me."

"I'm here." His voice is a whisper and his mind is definitely not here.

"I'm losing you Chakotay."

"My ears….they're buzzing." He's pale white and I'm starting to panic.

Another wave of nausea hits us both and he starts to retch. "Oh God," I say. The feeling of him being sick buckles me and I fold over as he loses what little was in his stomach. It takes every ounce of concentration for me not to do the same.

"That water is precious," I tell him when the queasiness subsides. "Stop wasting it on the floor."

"Sorry," he replies, unable to right himself. I help him back upright.

"I'm going to get you some more. You have to stay hydrated." I don't wait for him to argue but in his mind he's already refusing.

'No,' I think, forcefully. 'You're going to shut up and drink this.'

"I'm fine," he says, but then I perceive the undercurrent. 'I'm not going to make it much longer.'

"Stop lying to me," I spit. I can feel my voice start to falter. The water I'm attempting to pour through his lips is just running down his chin and neck. "Chakotay…."

But now I know he can't hear me. My words didn't reverberate in my own head as they have been, my ears are ringing. "Chakotay?"

Nothing.

'Chakotay,' I think. 'You have to stay with me. Voyager will be here very, very soon. I WON'T bring you back in a body bag. Do you understand? Do you feel my words?'

For a moment there is nothing as I observe his labored breath and squeezed shut eyes. His hand is limp and burning as I try to ply it around my own.

Yes.

I feel his attention on me briefly. I know I have to make the most of it.

'You have to hang on old man. Don't make me face Janeway without you. I know you want to see her again, if nothing else, do this for her. Please. Please don't make me be the one to tell her that you're dead. Do you HEAR me, Chakotay?'

'Tell her…..'

And his words ache in my heart. He doesn't need to finish the thought.

'I won't tell her that either.'

'Please…..'

"No!"I insist. My voice echoes through the empty cave.

But there is no more argument. Everything is silent.

I've been keeping vigil over Chakotay for about an hour, trying to keep him cool with rags and rocks and obsessively monitoring his fever. To my fears, his temperature continues to creep upwards and he's at 41 degrees before long. My medical knowledge is rudimentary, but I know that he will start to have seizures soon, followed by organ failure and then…. I can't, I can't go there.

The cave walls feel like they're closing in on me. They suddenly remind me too much of my holodeck program. Of Tevlik. I start to think about the others. The ones who I couldn't save, who I wasn't even allowed the honor to die with. I decide, right then and there, I won't lose him too.

I remind myself that he could, somehow, be hearing my thoughts, still feeling my worry. I have to try to find a way to stay positive. And so, for the next little while I do nothing except try to recall happier times. I think about our successes on the battlefield. I think about the meals and laughs we've shared. I think about the times I've kicked his ass at various sporting events. Then I start to think, individually, about each of our friends on Voyager.

I wring out the rags that have acclimated to his temperature and dip them again in the last of our water. I lay them carefully over his forehead and neck. My efforts aren't going to be enough, I know.

My legs are growing restless and I have to start to move. Pacing does little to calm me, every few steps I feel the need to look back at him. Finally, I decide I'll set the tricorder on a vitals alarm and step outside for a few minutes of air.

I know, I know in my heart that Voyager is going to be here soon. I'm tied to Voyager's engines like I'm tied to Chakotay now. I can feel them in my bones, their hum is growing closer. Still, I keep doing the math in my head - when we left, when we were due back, how long it would take them to realize we were missing and track our path. We didn't veer from our flight plan….

I check the beacon again. It's functioning properly.

"Why aren't you here yet?!" I shout to the sky. Critters scatter in every direction at my voice.

In my pacing I've reached the edge of the outcropping of rocks. From there I can see a glistening, glittering shimmer – it's moonlight reflected off of the salt-water pool. The pool isn't as cool as the night air, but I know it's cooler than he is. If I can get him to it… if I can get him in it.

I curse myself for not having thought of this sooner.

I sprint back into the cave just as the tricorder starts to alarm at another incremental rise in his temperature.

"Sorry, friend. You're gonna get dragged."

I stow the tricorder in my belt, hook him under the arms and slowly I pull his dead weight across the rocky desert.

When we finally reach the edge of the pool, my arms are completely numb. I remove my boots and wade into the water. It isn't as cool as I had hoped, about thirty-one or thirty-two degrees I'd bet, but that's certainly cooler than he is. Then I remember something about not dousing a feverish person in ice water anyway and hope that this idea would be Doctor approved.

He's splayed out, flat on his back as I drag him by the ankles into the water, eventually up to his shoulders.

His eyes flutter once he has been completely submerged.

"Chakotay?" For a moment I am hopeful.

But he neither says, nor thinks, anything.

So there we sit, bright moon overhead reflecting off of the ripples with nothing to hear except the sound of scurrying feet, his labored breathing, and my anxious thoughts.

Until finally, mercifully, my combadge chirps.

Chakotay

"Hey there."

I hear the words first, and the face comes next. It's B'Elanna. She's ensconced in a halo of artificial light that hurts my eyes. Voyager. Sickbay.

"We're back," I say, and my words are hoarse and dry. My mouth tastes awful.

"Yes."

I blink a few times to clear my vision but her hand on my shoulder prevents me from sitting upright.

"I can't hear you in my head anymore."

"Nope," she agrees. "My thoughts are all my own again. Turns out we were right. The reptiles on the planet created a neurogenic field, kind of like a web, and we got caught in it. The biologists are having a field day down there now."

"I see," I say, sitting up slightly. My head is aching but otherwise I seem to be okay. My leg doesn't hurt anymore.

"Kind of sad though, isn't it? You won't know my every thought, will, and dirty deed anymore."

"Oh, God," I groan. "You're making me queasy again." And she laughs.

Into my field of vision comes the man in blue. "Ah, Commander," the Doctor says. "I see you're awake."

B'Elanna motions her head at the Doctor. "Top of the line model," she says sarcastically.

I can't help but chuckle as Doc rolls his eyes. "You'll be clear to leave here shortly," he says. "Just want to run one more test and be sure the infection has been completely eliminated from your bloodstream."

I nod and lie back again as he extracts a vial from my neck then disappears.

"In all seriousness Chakotay," she says, and her face mimics her words. "Don't scare me like that again, ok?" She's looking at her hands now, wringing them a bit.

I reach over and take her hand into my own. "I'll try," I say with a squeeze. I hear the sickbay doors hiss open and I don't need to look to know who has come.

B'Elanna leans in close and whispers, "Your girlfriend is here," with just a quick glance to the side.

"B'Elanna!" I hiss, feeling suddenly like a schoolboy with something to hide.

She laughs. It's pure, and oddly, exactly what I need to hear. "Don't worry, your secrets are safe with me."

"They better be," I warn. But of course, I know she's telling the truth.

"I have to go see about building another shuttle for you to destroy," she says. "I'll come by later to check on you?"

I nod. "Thanks. For everything."

"Don't mention it," she says with a wink. She turns to leave and a few paces away I see her exchange pleasantries with Kathryn who has been waiting patiently for us to finish our conversation. I see the captain bow her head, and mouth "Thank you," and then B'Elanna is gone.

I sit up to greet her, and before long there is another warm hand on my chest - a different smile in my field of vision. Then I realize, maybe it's not so odd, having been able to hear someone's thoughts. It was only strange that that someone wasn't Kathryn.

"Computer, lights off," I order. And the room goes dark.

I run my hands through my hair and lay back on my pillow. It's strange, I think; I have only had B'Elanna in my head for a few days, and yet somehow I feel quite lonely without her. Still, I'm grateful for the time we had to spend together. And that we both made it back alive. I'm very grateful for that.

I can't help but wonder what she's doing right now…. Oh wait. She's no doubt doing Tom.

Sigh.

The sound of the door chime interrupts my loneliness.

"One minute," I respond, swinging my legs out of bed. I throw on a robe and order the lights to resume. "Come in."

There is only one person that calls on me at this later hour, and it's never been B'Elanna. But here she is.

"Hey," she says as she shuffles her feet. "Mind if I come in?"

"Please," I reply. Her look says it all.

"Tom was getting on my nerves," she says. "And my quarters were…. kinda lonely."

"Ah," I say, and I motion for her to join me in the living room. "Tea?"

"I'd love some," she says, taking to a seat by the window. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No. I slept enough in sickbay today." I return from the replicator with a steaming pot and two cups. "Tom's bugging you?"

"Yeah. He wanted to hear all about why we crashed and our time on the planet and what it was like to be inside your head."

"You didn't want to tell him?"

She looks down at her cup. "I didn't feel like talking."

"I can understand that." My tea is much too hot still, so I blow on it gently waiting for her to tell me what she needs.

"So," I hear her say, as she sits back cradling her drink. "Got any more good stories?"

I can't help the smile spreading across my face. "I thought you didn't want to talk."

"I don't," she says. "I want to listen."

For a moment it's as if I can read her thoughts again. "As strange as it was, I rather enjoyed our experience too," I confess.

"I could have done without the dramatic ending."

"Well, yes. Same here."

She considers me with a slight smile. "I'm glad your leg is better."

I instinctively rub my calf. "Did I ever tell you about the time I broke this bone?" She shakes her head, but looks at me and I don't need to read her mind to know that she wants me to continue.

"I was eight years old…." I begin.

And somehow I know, she won't let me finish until morning.

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