Chapter Twelve "Cookie Crumbs"

Okay, Judy.

So, you just had a wet dream about your best friend in the shower. It's not like that meant anything, right? Right?

I held my pulsing head as I sat up from my bed, looking down at the mess.

Who was I kidding?

"No," I said in denial, shaking my head. "This is just an accident. Nothing more."

I decided to distract my feelings by listing what I needed to do to clean up after myself.

The room now reeked with the smell designed to trigger arousal in a rabbit buck. That scent extended to my jeans and underwear, which were well beyond salvageable in the fallout. The bed sheets were also tainted by me and my imaginary misadventure with Nick. Thankfully nothing had gotten on my phone or anything else in the room. But I needed to do laundry before someone found out. Then I needed to shower to get the odor off me. And to cool off.

"Okay," I said, talking to myself to calm down. "You'll throw this all in the wash and take a shower. And then forget this ever happened."

My legs tingled a little as I gathered up my sheets and changed my clothes. I had used a muscle I hadn't exactly been exercising lately, even if I was only dreaming. I had to fan myself just to cool down.

What had come over me?

Rabbits weren't exactly prudes when it came to sex, given our affinity for multiplication. But the subject had never interested me before. And I certainly never had any dreams about it. However, it wasn't the biology that had me confused more so than the mammal of my affection.

Why Nick?

I pondered the question as I cleaned myself off with tissue paper before throwing on my pajamas and grabbing my phone.

Nick was my best friend. He was charming. He could be sweet at times. But he was also a fox.

Not that I was against inter-species relationships. But out of all the things Judy Hopps was—a police officer, a hero of Zootopia, and a bunny from Bunnyburrow—having a thing for a fox was the furthest notion from what was possible in my mind.

I kept thinking back to my childhood with Gideon Grey and how much an impact foxes had left on me. If it wasn't for Gideon, I would have never been so determined to be a cop and probably would have probably switched dreams like I was prone to do at that age. Now there was another fox changing my life in the most unexpected way.

Nick managed to get me hot and bothered.

While the other girls my age were all getting boyfriends and discussing makeup, Judy Hopps was busy lifting weights and going jogging. Sex ed classes were the most boring lectures in the world for me. I just assumed that I would never have the interest in bucks, or doe for that matter. Even when puberty hit me, I just ignored any urges I may have had.

For awhile, I was led to believe I was just a freak. A rabbit without a libito. That's what made my sudden attraction to Nick all the more shocking. He had made me feel something I hadn't ever felt before. An odd desire that wouldn't go away no matter how many times I closed my eyes. And that was all in a dream. I shuddered to think what my reaction would be to him in real life.

"Oh, crackers," I muttered, wincing as my head throbbed to keep up with all this new information.

It hit me all at once at just how problematic a potential crush with Nick was.

We were partners, co-workers in the ZPD. Bogo would have an aneurysm upon hearing that his two best officers were suddenly interested in each other.

Assuming Nick even was interested in me.

I kept forgetting that was a distinct difference between dream Nick and real Nick. Dream Nick had been wild. Uncontrolled. Savage. I had to stop myself from thinking about him more before I made my situation worse. Half the burrow could probably smell me at this point.

That brought up my next concern. My family.

With my heavy career focus, my parents thought I would just be the one in the family who never married or had a relationship. Well, surprise mom and dad! Turns out your outgoing daughter has managed to stump you again by having weird sex dreams with a fox. I could already see the look of disappointment on mom's face.

"No," I shook my head.

I was going to bury this thing. Deep. It'd just be a dirty little secret that no one else would know but me.

The laundry room was in the basement of the burrow, which could only be accessed by going through the pantry in the kitchen. It was a bit of a design flaw with my dad when he created the house. We used to have laundry chutes until too many of the kits got stuck sliding down them. Now they were blocked up with cement and the basement door was the only way to reach the machines.

I tiptoed carefully out of the J section and into the living room.

Outside, the kits were still playing and Pop-Pop was still napping. It wasn't quite time for lunch yet, but they would be tromping in soon for food. I did not want to be there when that happened.

I back pedaled into the kitchen, keeping my eye on the front door in case someone wandered in so I could book it for the basement.

That wasn't where I should have been looking though…

"Jude," said a stern voice behind me.

I squeaked and almost dropped my dirty sheets and clothes.

I spun around to meet the tired face of Jenny, sitting at the counter and munching on some cookies. I was so distracted with not losing my composure that I had forgotten I was supposed to be angry with her after the last night.

"H-Hi, Jen…"

She raised her eyebrow and glanced at my bedsheet. "What happened there?"

"Nothing! Just...The sheets were musty, so I figured I'd give them a wash."

That's when she started sniffing. I cringed, knowing exactly what was coming next.

"Did you just have sex?"

Jenny was the bluntest amongst the J's about intercourse and relationships. I could remember the time when John was still in the closet about being gay. Jen had sniffed him out real quick and did everything she could to make him be proud about his sexuality. I never understood how she could be so casual and honest about hers and other people's relationships. For a while, we thought she was going to end up being a sex shrink.

I hung my head. "No…"

The scent was obvious enough that she could put the pieces together. Jen covered her mouth to hide a smile, the first one I had seen since our fight over Rocky.

"Holy cow, the dam has burst."

I was too ashamed of myself to even answer her, let alone meet her judging gaze. I just stared down at my feet while she happily munched on her cookie. Had I been looking, I would have noticed it was one of Gideon's police rabbit treats.

"So," she said, finishing her last bite. "Who's the lucky buck to earn your affection? Or, should I say, lust?"

"N-No one. I just needed some alone time..."

I felt like I got my hand caught in the cookie jar. Jenny reached in for a second helping.

"Is it Nick?"

My heart skipped a beat.

I first thought she could smell him on me, until I remembered it was only a dream and we hadn't actually done anything. My face must have had pure panic written on it, because Jenny was laughing. Spittle of cookie crumbs went flying everywhere.

"Oh, you are just adorable. Little Judy Hopps coming home with her fox partner that she secretly wants to make her boy toy."

My face felt beet red and I tried to ignore my older sister as I made my way down to the laundry room. But Jenny continued to follow me, her cookie in paw. I guessed it was revenge for outing her with her own boyfriend.

"Let me guess. This just happened? Like you just realized you may have feelings for him?"

"H-How do you…?"

"Because you're so obvious, Jude. If you had known before, it would have shown more. For example, I might have caught you staring at his butt while we worked at the food stall when you first arrived."

I shuddered. That would have been embarrassing.

"You're lucky I'm the one who found out about this first. Mom would have flipped."

"She can't know about this," I turned to face my sister. "No one can know about this."

"What's the big deal? It's perfectly natural. I mean, sure, it's a problem if you're expecting to have kits somewhere down the line. But there's a whole world open to you now, Jude."

I grunted and tore open the washing machine to chuck my sheets in.

"It wouldn't work."

Jenny frowned. "Why not? You won't know until you've tried, right? I mean, I get it. Bunnies and foxes are like oil and water given our history together. But if I could bring a hyena home and get mom to have a civilized conversation with him, you can—"

"Mom's only a part of the problem," I said before raising an eyebrow. "Wait, you dated a hyena?"

"When you were in the academy. He was a great mammal, but he laughed in his sleep and I just got sick of it. Anyway, don't change the subject on me. Mom will be mom. No matter who you bring home, she's going to inspect them like she's a nuclear physicist disarming an atom bomb. What else you got?"

"...We're co-workers."

"So? John and his hubby were working at the same bar for awhile until I clunked their two heads together so they could figure it out. I'm not saying there won't be problems and compromises down the line. But you're both professionals. And I've seen you work together. You'll be fine."

"I don't even know if he feels the same way."

Jenny blew a raspberry. "I think you have nothing to worry about there, Jude."

"What do you mean?"

She rolled her eyes. "Just call it intuition."

At that moment, the phone in my pajama pants pocket buzzed wildly. I sighed and grabbed it, glancing at who had left me a text message. To no surprise, it was Jeanette.

"What's that?" Jenny asked.

"Problem number four. Nick's currently on a date with Jeanette Grey."

The hopeful lavender eyes of my sister vanished like a dying fire. I watched her ears droop slightly, killing her smug persona.

"Oh, Jude...I'm sorry…"

"Don't be," I sighed as I started the washing machine. "I'm the one who asked him to go on the date."

"What? Why on earth did you do that?"

"Well, I didn't know how I felt about him at the time, or you could be sure I'd be a little hesitant to offer him up like...Like...Like a sauteed carrot."

Suddenly, I felt like crying and I tried to stop myself by biting at my lip.

This was all incredibly dumb. Even the pat on my shoulder from Jenny felt patronizing.

I was a grown rabbit who had run the gambit of making the difficult climb into the role of a Zootopian police officer. I solved one of the most difficult cases in the history of the entire city. To be crippled by such a ridiculous dilemma was just so...Sobering.

I think, secretly, I had believed Judy Hopps was above these petty mammal emotions and drama. I had fallen victim to my own hype that our ZPD PR folks would bang on about. Judy Hopps was a hero of the city. Judy Hopps was tough as nails. Judy Hopps never fell in love with anyone or missed anything so obvious. But looking back at my track record, I could honestly say I had always been stupid.

"I'm so stupid," I said, wiping my eyes.

"You're not stupid," Jenny offered a hug. "You're just a little overwhelmed. I've been there. We all have."

"I keep thinking 'why can't this be simple?' But then I remember I'm the rabbit who wanted to be a police officer…"

"Yeah...You kind of encourage a rugged lifestyle when you're as determined as you are. But that's also a point in your favor. You'll get through this, Jude."

"I know I will. I'm just...Scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Losing him," I admitted. "We're best friends. He was the first mammal I ever really met when I moved to the city. If I did something wrong and that ended things between us…"

"You don't know if you could deal with it?"

I nodded, sniffling as the machine behind me gave a quiet hum. I took a deep breath before continuing.

"I started an argument with him today when we were out in the square. He's never used my first name before…"

"What happened, exactly?"

I was about to blurt out my interaction with Rocky until I remembered who I was talking to. Jenny had just started speaking civilly to me again. I didn't want to sever our renewed bond by saying something else stupid.

"...We met Rocky this morning."

"Ah."

Though they couldn't be more opposite in their quirks, Jenny was probably the closest out of all the Hopps children in being a replacement for mom. At least, in her personality. She had on a disapproving scowl, the same mom used whenever someone was threatening her kits. It would have been funny were it not so dangerous.

"Well," she said, giving me the permission to continue. "What happened?"

Coming to terms with my new attraction to a predator gave me a fresh perspective on Jenny's relationship with Rocky. Suddenly, most of my old arguments sounded hypocritical and weightless.

"I...Was a major jerk. We hadn't heard from you all night. So, when we found him vendoring some of our old food on the streets...I dunno...I just lost it."

"You didn't beat him up, did you?"

I recognized the real fear in Jenny's voice. It never occurred to me that a tiny rabbit with police training like me could suddenly be considered a threat to other mammals.

"Of course not. I just called him out on how sketchy it looked, asked him where you were, and...Called him a weasel."

I had to quickly search my memory banks to recall if Jenny had ever dated a weasel. Though she had not, she was clearly not amused by the way she crossed her arms.

"Wow. You were a jerk."

"I know...I know," I sighed and covered my face. I had replayed the encounter in my head so many times that I could recite the words I had said by heart. "Nick called me out on being completely irrational and bigoted. He told me to drop it. I couldn't deal with it, I guess. So, I left."

"Huh. Nick's a good fox."

"I know he is. I need to apologize to him but I don't know how I'm even going to face him now that this...This thing happened."

"Well," Jenny sighed, looking down on me with pity in her eyes. "You kind of dug your own grave with this one, Jude. I'm not going to pretend that you don't deserve a little payback after ganging up on me with mom."

I winced. That was more than fair for Jenny to say, but it still stung all the same.

"But considering these turn of events, I can't help but feel sorry for you now. Especially if Nick is involved. It'd be a shame to lose a fox like him if he's half the mammal I think he is. Do you, at least, understand my feelings a little better now with Rocky? With him being a predator?"

I nodded. "Totally get it. It's just...Just…"

"Exotic?" She tried to complete my thought. "Thrilling? Unique?"

"Terrifying," I finished, frowning slightly. "I mean, I barely know what I'm doing here even if Nick wasn't a fox. And I still don't know why it's him, out of all the mammals it could possibly be."

"I get it. This is your first crush and you're confused."

"I guess…"

I slumped to the floor with my back still on the machine. Jenny sat next to me.

"Here's the big secret, Jude. No one really knows why it's one mammal or another. Dad would tell you it's love at first sight. I would say it's the different chemicals in our brains reacting to specific stimuli. But, however you want to look at it, it's something we all have to deal with at some point. I couldn't tell you why it's Nick you're suddenly crazy about. Maybe you have a subconscious lust for foxes after Gideon clawed you on the cheek."

That painted the image in my head of Gideon in a one-piece sexy cowboy outfit attempting to look sultry.

"Jen!"

"What? I'm serious. Kinks start from early childhood events and memories. Remember when Mickey Howle bit me on the leg in grade school?"

"I remember dad freaking out and taking you to the hospital for your shots. Then mom chewing out the poor wolf, and yelling at his father for letting him get near you."

Jenny laughed. "Yeah, she scared him really good. That was why we had to keep it a secret when we started seeing each other in junior high. Bad memories from the family and all that."

"Wait, you mean you were dating him?"

"You were too busy with track and field to notice. Yeah, Mickey was my first boyfriend. We just kept it very lowkey."

I watched my sister smile as she fiddled with her ear as she typically did when lost in thought.

"I was probably just as freaked out as you are now about the whole dating a predator thing. But I realized it was what I wanted and we figured it out together. Turns out the whole biting thing was just his way of getting my attention. And it was really kinky in bed. We probably would still be together if he didn't go off to college…"

"You slept with him!?"

"We dated for four years, Jude. Of course we slept together."

"How?" I asked, trying to comprehend the physics behind such a feat. If my memory was right, Mickey was easily thrice the size of either of us.

Jenny just shrugged. "We just made it work. If you plan on being serious about Nick, you're going to have to have a similar conversation with him. If you get that far."

I could feel the blush eating away at my ears and face.

Besides my dream, I hadn't ever considered sex with anyone before. I mean, sure. I was curious enough throughout high school to do my own...Research. And I knew how to work the equipment. But there just wasn't ever anyone to fulfill any fantasies with.

Most of my excess energy went into my future career as a police officer, as Jenny had pointed out. I was too distracted to stop and start a romance. It shouldn't have come as a surprise to me that Jen would be the exact opposite with a healthy appetite for sex at that age. I was the oddball among rabbits.

"Anyway," Jenny interrupted my thoughts. "Mickey taught me that you can't judge based on appearances with mammals. If you get to know them, they might surprise you in ways you could never imagine."

"Is that why you're with Rocky?"

The nostalgic smile on Jen's face faded.

"Look," she said after a long moment of silence. "I get why you're all worried about me. But I can handle myself when it comes to relationships, especially with predators. Rocco is rough around the edges, I'll admit. But I believe he's a good mammal deep down."

But I knew what Jenny really meant was 'I hope he's a good mammal deep down.'

I bit back a sigh.

Jen was playing a dangerous game with Rocky, and she was fully aware of that fact. But our conversation gave me more insight into what she was thinking by going through with his proposal. I could see it in her eyes after she told me about her old flame. Did she regret ending things with Mickey?

It was only an assumption I had, of course. But maybe Rocky was her way of getting over the grief of lost love. Or finding a replacement.

"That's neither here nor there," Jenny dismissed the subject with a wave of her paw. "Don't worry about my problems, Jude. Let's focus on yours here. So, you discovered you may have feelings for Nick. But now he's dating Jeanette by your suggestion."

I nodded and looked down to my cell phone in my paw. The message Jeanette had sent me was still blinking on the screen, unread.

"Should I open it?" I asked aloud.

"Up to you. My advice? Tell Jeanette how you feel about Nick. It might sting a bit, but she's also a good fox. She'll know you were there first and would be happy to step aside before things get serious. She'll understand."

"But that's not fair to her…"

"Who said love is fair? Look at this way, Jude. One way or another, one of you is going to end up hurt. Is it going to be you, Jean, or Nick?"

It was the mention of Nick that caused me to pause before I opened the text.

[Judy? Are you awake? I could use your advice with Nick.]

Jenny patted me on the shoulder, using me as support while she stood to leave.

"Good luck," she said, taking the last bite of her cookie before hopping up the stairs. "There's no reason to be scared, Judy. You can do this. And who knows? Maybe we'll have a double wedding before this is over."

I knew my sister well enough to recognize when she was trying to be coy but tell me something. My feelings for Nick felt like just a battle between me and Jeanette. Why include Nick in the list of someones who would get hurt?

As I stared down at the screen, my wrist was shaking while I came up with the right reply.

[Sure. But we should talk first…]