Chapter Fourteen "The Mudhole"

My nose twitched involuntarily.

You could do this, Judy. It was just a talk with Jeanette. And you hadn't been scared of foxes since the Nighthowler incident.

It had started so well too.

I was fully prepared to march over to the pie stand and confess my feelings about Nick to her. If it hadn't been for running into Nick himself…

If looks could kill, Nick's glare from across the mudhole would have been a bullet between the eyes. He shook me up real bad with nothing more than a hard stare.

I tried my best to collect myself.

I should have known I would have encountered Nick coming to the faire. But somehow he seemed angrier with me than this morning. Like we barely knew each other. It was the same look of disdain he had given me during the early parts of our Nighthowler case, when I was giving him a hard time with my recording of his tax evasion. Back then, I deserved his ire.

Had our argument hurt him that badly?

We had been pretty heated in our words in the town square. And it sounded like being in Bunnyburrow was starting to make him very uncomfortable. Whatever the reason for his attitude, it was a cold, long walk to the Grey pie stand.

Thankfully, a warmer face greeted me.

"Afternoon, Judy."

"Gideon Grey," I answered with a smile.

There was a time when seeing the pudgy tod would have filled me with dread. But at that moment, the sight of a friendly fox cleared the storm cloud hovering over me. Or at least just a bit.

"Going to be ready for tomorrow?" I asked.

Though his face remained pleasant, I could see the panic in his eyes The fingers of his paws were dyed blue.

"Shucks, Judy. We're coming down to the wire here. I sure hope Nick comes back soon. Still have two hundred pies to bake for the pie eating contest and more treats to sell."

I wondered briefly if it would sound too nosey to ask where Nick was going before throwing caution to the wind.

"Where did he go?"

"Just off to get a drink. Should be back soon, I'd reckon."

I felt my nose squirm. I needed to make this quick then to avoid more confrontations.

"I'd hate to steal another one of your workers, but is Jean there? I need to speak with her."

There was hesitation in Gideon's eyes but he relented. Perhaps he noticed my nose.

"Course, Judy. She's just in the back."

He stepped to the side and allowed me to pass into the stall.

I was greeted by the scent of toasted blueberries coming from the cheap oven the Greys had borrowed from dad for the purposes of the faire. Hovering over the machine was Jeanette, wearing a smile on her face and humming an old country tune. She noticed me as I approached.

"Hi, Judy."

"Hey," I muttered, knowing I had come to sour her good mood. "How, uh, how are things?"

It was stupid to hope that she'd say anything other than 'great' but I figured it was worth a shot.

"Nick was talking about helping me start a shop in the city," she said, playing with her earrings. "I think I might ask to move in with him if I can get a loan for my bakery..."

"W-What? Isn't that way too soon?"

"Well...You're probably right. I was only thinking about costs and how that might be the cheapest and easiest solution if we can keep the relationship going. And I think we can do it. I just feel like things have been going really well. Since the breakfast this morning, he's been very attentive and involved in my bakery idea. I think he likes me a lot. Or maybe it's just the first date butterflies. You know what I mean?"

"I've never dated before…"

"Oh, that's right. Sorry, Judy. I just feel like I could break out into song at any moment. You were right. Nick is a good fox."

Her every word was like a knife to my heart. My paw moved to my chest as I tried to put on a smile. Jeanette must have detected the fakeness of it and frowned.

"Your message," she said, as she reached into her apron pocket to pull out her phone. "You said you wanted to talk, right?"

"Yeah...I can come back later if you want." I offered her an out so I didn't bring down her parade.

"No, this is fine. Do you want to speak in private?"

"That'd be best…"

We ducked behind the cloth flap of the stall, leaving Gideon to manage the pies. The poor tod was starting to look a little overwhelmed, sprinkled with the regret of offering to handle dessert for the entire Hopps Harvest.

Outside the back was a clutter of leftover supplies from around the faire.

The stalls had mostly been set up, with the rides functioning and rabbits scrambling about on the main square behind us. There were significantly more helpers than there were the day before, nearing almost a hundred paws ready to aid mom and dad get by getting everything in working order before tomorrow.

The faire would open at exactly ten o'clock, though it was sure to be bustling before then, as it was every year. The out-of-towners would join in shortly after they heard what all the hubbub was. By midafternoon, the Hopps Harvest would be in full swing. There would be a song in everyone's heart. Almost.

"I was going to ask Nick out to the faire," Jeanette confessed. "For real this time. Just the two of us. It'll be a real date. Is that what you wanted to talk to me about? You think I should be more assertive around Nick and make this my next step?"

"No…"

Jeanette's ears flattened. I had all but confirmed for her that this wouldn't a happy talk.

"Well...What's on your mind then, Judy?"

Just tell her you had feelings for Nick. Or you thought you did...No! No second guessing yourself!

Suddenly, the entire conversation I had with Jenny earlier faded away in my head like sand in the wind.

I could tell I was leaving Jeanette with an awkward silence, but I couldn't help it. I was panicking and my heart was pumping like a machine gun. Jeanette was starting to look more like a hungry predator in my eyes as the fear set in.

Why was this impossible to admit?

I had done fine with Jenny, though she had been the one to rip the confession out from me. Was that the difference? Or was it the mammal I was speaking to? I didn't even know Jeanette that well. Even if she was like family to mom, she couldn't replace a true sister. But that shouldn't have mattered.

Jean was a good mammal. And my feelings would break the start of something beautiful between her and Nick. I knew Nick would do her well. But even that wasn't the real reason my tongue went heavy in my mouth...

"Judy?"

"Sorry…"

I blinked several times, trying to come up with an answer that could satisfy Jeanette. Or at least something to take the subject in another direction.

"It's just… I don't think it's a good idea to be getting involved with Nick."

"W-What?"

That was one of the worst things I could have said. But it was too late to back down now that I was in the mudhole.

"Well...I thought about it and...He's over ten years older than you."

"So what? I don't see how that matters."

I ran down the list of unreasonable excuses in my head.

"Uh...I mean, does your brother know about this thing with Nick?"

"Yes," Jeanette said more fiercely as she crossed her arms. "We've been completely honest with Gideon and he's perfectly fine with it. He just wants me to be careful. Especially in the city. But Nick said he'll watch out for me there. He said he knows folks."

"But...But...Do you know why that is?"

"Judy what are you talking about?"

It was the same feeling I felt when I was accusing Rocky of stealing that morning. I was starting to sound like a bigot again.

"Do you...Know what Nick used to do before he became a cop?"

"That he was a con artist? Yes. He told me all about it. Are you seriously trying to use that to...What? Make me uninterested in Nick?"

I wasn't sure what surprised me more, that Jeanette knew all about Nick's past or the increasing volume in the tone of her voice. Suddenly, the once shy vixen didn't look so small and meek. She glared at me, in the similar manner that Nick had from across the mudpit.

But she stopped just short of shouting, sighing heavily.

"Judy, what's this all about? I thought you would be happy for me. I'm doing it. I'm coming out of my shell."

"I am! It's just…"

Third chance, Judy. This was probably going to be your last one with how badly the conversation was going.

"I just...I'm…I…"

Jeanette gave me a fair amount of time to speak. Thirty whole seconds of silence while I stammered like an idiot.

But I couldn't get the words out. I slumped my arms in defeat.

"Look," she said. "I don't know what your problem is all of a sudden. But I like Nick and I want to see where this goes with him. Do you have an issue with that?"

I looked down to my feet for comfort. They were starting to sink into the mud from standing still for too long.

"...No."

"Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some pies to bake."

Judy Hopps, you were a dumb, dumb bunny.

It was a slow trudge back to the faire, with my head hung low and ears drooped even lower.

Even the work my parents almost immediately assigned me when I came back couldn't break me from the funk of failure. Since moving to Zootopia, failing at every turn was something I was getting more accustomed to.

Jenny's words from earlier rang in my head.

"There's no reason to be scared, Judy."

Fear.

That old, stupid enemy I thought I had crushed when we cracked the Nighthowler case and saved the city from tearing itself apart. Evidently, there was more to be scared of than savage predators or near death situations. And had it not been Nick who stole my heart, I had a feeling I'd still be going through the same obstacle course with another mammal.

Fear and love were two sides of the same coin, after all.

You needed love to overcome being scared of something. But love also bred fear, when you were afraid to lose what you had. It was a stupid philosophical back and forth that made my brain hurt. I studied health, math, and science in school. Not feelings and state of being, which I had considered a waste of my pursuits towards the police academy.

But that's how I felt with Nick. Fear and love at the same time.

The dream in the shower replayed in my head to give me some minor relief as I worked. I was afraid that Nick was really going to eat me at first. But then it evolved into something else. Something passionate and primal. My headache returned just trying to make sense of it all.

Despite Jenny's reassurances, it still made no sense for Judy Hopps to be in love with a fox. But it made even less sense for her to be afraid about it.

It worried my parents when they eventually stopped by to see how I was making out with finishing assembling the rides.

"Are you sure you don't want me to give you a drive home, sweetie?" Mom asked me when it was dinner time.

"No, that's okay. I...Need some time to think."

I didn't even get the chance to tell her that I had seen Jenny back at the house. Mom would find that particular surprise out on her own. That was sure to be another fight that I didn't want to be present for.

I just slumped my shoulders and made my way back to the burrow.

It wasn't an exhaustive walk from the faire. An hour at most, and that was if you were being really slow.

I couldn't bring myself to admire the sights of autumn in Bunnyburrow. The trees were already in full fall bloom and leaves were starting to litter the dirt road in small clumps that made them easy to kick as I meandered.

It was a walk to wallow in self pity and berate myself.

I accepted that much when I started down the street. A walk with the dead and dumb. Judy Hopps, the dumb bunny who doesn't even realize she's in love. All those old love songs I used to scoff at on the radio started to make sense as they played in my head.

In the distance the tractors were dying down and the families around the farmlands were heading inside to relax before the faire tomorrow. Not even the nostalgic scent of dry leaves and a fireplace going in one of the burrows could raise my spirits.

It was dark by the time I got home. Not so much that I couldn't see where I was going, the lights from the burrow helped with that. But enough that I wondered where the day went.

My feet kicked up dust as I walked, still dried with mud from earlier. I needed to rinse them off before I got inside.

Dad kept a few hoses out front for just such an occasion.

I realized how alone I was.

Everyone, including my playful siblings, had gone into the burrow for dinner. The light inside beckoned me to join them. Though I didn't know if I wanted to see anyone with my mind in the gutter. I just wanted space.

As I made my way to the porch, a truck pulled up to our driveway. I glanced behind me and gulped.

Grey's Old Fashion Bakery Service.

Nick stepped out of the passenger seat.

He gave a few words to the driver, who I assumed was Jeanette. He smiled and waved to her as the vehicle took off. He didn't even notice me until he turned around.

We both froze.

I sighed and averted my eyes, making the first move. I didn't want to be glared at by him again.

I stepped up to the porch and then towards one of the hoses. Nick crept up behind me, having the same idea to clean his feet before we tracked mud through my parent's house.

Neither of us wanted to look at each other.

The silence was deafening. And I told myself to focus. I hadn't seen Nick up close since my dream and my heart was speeding up with him just standing next to me.

Come on, Judy. Just clean your feet and go inside to have dinner. You can do this.

But even washing off my feet proved too challenging for me in my emotional state.

I reached for the tap only to discover too late that someone had removed the nozzle, leaving just the bare hose.

Ice cold water poured out, spraying in every direction. But, mostly, it landed on Nick.

I heard a yelp as I scrambled to close the tap. I was too late.

Nick stood next to me, soaked to the fur and looking very displeased.

"Nick…" I tried to say my sorries while I turned off the hose.

But before I could apologize to him, a wild idea popped into his head. He grabbed his own hose and unscrewed the nozzle.

"Nick," I put my paws up in a pitiful defense to what was coming. "No...Don't—ACK!"

I let out a bloodcurdling shriek as a stream of frozen well water drenched my clothes and knocked me to the floor. Nick had put his paw to the nozzle and created a jet stream with enough water pressure to throw me from my feet. I did my best to cover my face so the blast wouldn't get me in the eyes. My ears weren't so lucky and they wobbled with the waves. I was completely soaked in a matter of seconds.

Despite the freezing cold temperature outside, I was laughing.

Nick turned off the water when he decided I had had enough. I saw a big smirk stretched out across his face. His amusement turned to concern when he saw me shivering on the floorboards.

"Need a towel?"

I clattered my teeth and nodded. Mom would have a fit if I walked through her house drenched to the bone. Nick had gotten away with only a wet shirt, which he removed as he trotted through the front door.

He returned wrapped in the biggest towel we had in the house.

His bare chest was exposed and I felt a blush burn the tips of my ears. He was still averting his eyes from me, probably because the water had made the thin T-shirt I was wearing become see-through. A fluffy towel was dropped on my head and I hugged it close. Nick's scent was still lingering on it. Blueberries and coffee.

"Thanks for that," I said, trying to not let the moment of leviety die. "That makes two showers for me today."

"Two for me too, Fluff. Remember this morning?"

Admittedly, the only thing I could remember about the start of the day was the briefest of glances I caught of Nick's butt in the bath. I huffed a laugh and nodded, doing my best to keep warm.

The silence ate the space between us and I was afraid Nick would get bored and go back inside.

"Nick," I said to keep him sitting with me. "About today...I'm sorry. I acted completely irrational towards Rocky and said some hurtful things to you."

Nick shrugged. "I'll be honest, after speaking with the raccoon, some of those things you said were pretty spot on."

I nervously chuckled. It was good to see my police senses weren't completely out of whack.

"I'm sorry too, Carrots," he continued, rubbing the bridge of his snout. "Things have been...Crazy for me lately. I've been letting what you said blow up to mean something more than it did. You were just trying to protect your sister from an admitted shady mammal."

The air between us cleared and I could put on my first honest smile all day. "Yeah...It was a rough day without you."

"Did you miss me that much, Fluff?"

I quickly realized I wasn't out of the woods yet. There was still my pent up feelings for Nick to contend with and, knowing my mouth, I was bound to give away something I shouldn't. I chose my words very carefully.

"I-I mean, it's just so...Quiet without you around. I had forgotten what it was like to have time to think."

"Good to know. Next time I'm angry with you, I'll crank up the smarm and wit. I'll drive you noots."

I giggled to acknowledge Nick's reference. I didn't want there to be a next time.

"So, dad told you the 'noots' story, huh?"

"Sure did. I can safely tell you, without a doubt, that your family is crazy, Carrots. Certified by Nick Wilde, judge of desperate households."

"Well," I said with a smile. "You can blame me for encouraging you to come along and seeing where I get it from."

I paused and frowned.

"Nick...Are you sure you don't regret coming with me to the burrow?"

He gave the question a moment to stew, looking in my eyes with a hint of sorrow to them.

"I'm not going to pretend it's been sunshine and rainbows, Carrots. Though it's been nice to meet Jeanette."

"Yeah…"

I regretted bringing up the topic immediately. But talking about the subject was all I could do to prevent myself from uttering a clumsy confession. I looked up at the sky as I sighed.

"I just...I wanted you to enjoy this, Nick. The good sides of things. It's not always just family drama and work down here."

Over the horizon, the moon had risen, full and yellow. Old stories came to my mind that Pop-Pop would tell us of witching hour and lunatics. There were memories of trick or treating in the dark or staying out late to catch ghosts in the local cemetery. Happy thoughts of a simpler time.

"I remember the faire being this great event that I would look forward to every year as a kit, since Gideon had ruined the Carrot Day Festival for me. It was always fun and I got to be with all my family...And I wanted to share that with you."

"Share that with me?"

"I was thinking about it recently. You don't talk a lot about yourself, Nick. We're best friends, but I know next to nothing about you outside the basics. Did you ever go to the carnival as a kid?"

Nick thought for a moment. "Once or twice, enough to enjoy it."

"Well, I wanted to give you something else to enjoy. It was stupid and thoughtless, I know that now. But I was hoping the faire was something we could share...Together."

Knowing that Jeanette had probably already asked Nick out to the Hopps Harvest was a bitter pill to swallow. But I didn't deserve pity. I wasn't fast enough or brave enough to admit my feelings. I felt stupid blurting out what I said, in the vain attempt that it would make anything better. It was too late and the damage had been done.

Nick rubbed the back of his head and stared off into the moon.

"Well," he said. "Why don't you come with me tomorrow then?"

Hope filled my heart for a second just before cynical Judy took over.

"But didn't you have date plans with Jeanette?"

"Well, yeah...But I'm sure she won't mind if you come along. You're the one who invited me to come down to the burrow. I think it's only fair that we get to go to the carnival together, right?"

"If you say so…"

"It'll be fine," he assured me with a smile. "I'll talk her into it."

"Only if you're sure, Nick…"

"I am," he faced me. "Absolutely. One hundred percent."

Our inside joke made me chuckle and was more than enough to comfort me. "Dumb fox…"

"Sly bunny."

The urge to rest my head on his shoulder was strong as we both stared into the moon. But I resisted. We lingered for a time, enjoying each other's company before getting cold and heading back inside.

Back in the burrow, the kits were bouncing around the living room, trying to give mom and Jenny some space. Nick didn't hear, but my ears could pick up the argument going on in the kitchen. They were retreading the same ground as the previous night.

Nick and I parted ways before our rooms.

I threw on some dry clothes to get ready to eat with the rest of the family. But not before I collapsed into my bed to stare up at the ceiling.

Had Nick really just invited me to come along on his date?

Though I was happy we had made up, I couldn't help but feel Nick was going to be in huge trouble with Jeanette in the morning.