Chapter Sixteen "Make-up"

I could feel my makeup getting ruined as I ran through the crowds. Going the entire day without reapplying meant I probably looked like a mess. But beauty was the furthest thing from my mind. I struggled to see over the horde and find the red fur of a fox.

Jeanette had stormed off without another word to me or Nick.

She had every right to be angry with us. I would be upset too if someone had come between me and Nick on our first date. It would be a cold day in the burrow if I ever let that happen.

I had ruined everything. Again.

No matter what reassurances Nick gave me, I was the one who had come along.

I was the one who asked Jenny to pretty me up before the date, since I knew nothing about beauty tips. What was I expecting to happen? I think my original intent was to look good for Nick, but I didn't consider Jeanette's reaction. The glares she had given me whenever Nick's back was turned...She must have thought I was trying to steal him away from her.

Though, I had to admit, Nick's first reaction to seeing me dressed up had done wonders for my self image...

I shook off the thought and focused. I remembered why I never wore dresses. They were terrible for running in.

Rabbits didn't have the best noses for tracking. But we did have the ears for listening. And among the loud chatter of fellow bunnies around me, I could hear the sniffling of someone crying.

The sound led me off of the main circle, into the empty side stalls of the faire.

Many folks were starting to pack up with the day winding to a close. The empty Balloon Dart stall I approached was no exception.

I found Jeanette hiding beneath the counter, using the hem of her dress to wipe her eyes. She didn't want to look up at me when I peered over the edge at her.

"Are you happy?" she asked me. "You won."

Happy was a poor way to describe it.

The fact that, if given the choice between a relationship and our friendship, Nick picked me had filled my stomach with butterflies. But it was a sour happiness when I knew it meant wounding Jeanette in return. Jenny had been right all along. Someone was going to get hurt in this situation.

There was nothing I could say that wouldn't come across as a sleight against Jeanette. So, I just took a seat next to her in the mud and rubbed her shoulder.

"Why didn't you just tell me you liked Nick?"

I winced. I guess that was obvious by the way I was acting. Nick probably even knew too…

I thought to deny her accusation, but there didn't feel like a point anymore. Not to Jeanette, at least.

"I...I didn't know."

"You didn't know?" Jeanette choked on her words. "How could you not know?"

"I'm just figuring this all out myself," I replied, groaning as I leaned the back of my head against the counter. "I don't know...I didn't even realize it until yesterday. Around the time when I had my fight with Nick."

"Well, fat lot of good that does me…"

"Jean, I'm sorry. I never intended this to happen. If I had I known before you approached me…"

"How didn't you know? It's so obvious…"

"I guess hindsight is 20-20," I played with my ears for comfort. "I don't know. I never gave it much thought. How are you supposed to realize something like that if you've never dated before? Everyone in my family, except Jenny, has only ever dated other rabbits. I figured I'd be the same if I ever met someone I liked."

I thought to all the times Nick and I had just hung out together. Not work related stuff. The quiet lunches together. The constant light hearted jabs at each other in the car. Texting to each other on the phone until we went to bed.

Jeanette was right. It was obvious.

"I just never put two and two together," I answered as I hung my head in shame. "You dating him must have triggered something. I think I was afraid I was going to lose him."

Jeanette let an annoyed huff, though I could tell there was less spite in her tone.

"I have no idea what to do now," I confessed.

"Yeah, well, join the club."

I could imagine the conflict Jeanette was facing after forcing the choice on Nick only to have it backfire on her.

My ears were down to my shoulders. I had sunk to an all-time low if I was going to be complaining about my problems to Jeanette.

To my surprise, Jean wanted to continue our conversation. Though she started with a heavy sigh.

"Look. You know what you need to do next if anything you told me is true."

"What?"

"Tell Nick how you feel."

It felt like someone had taken a heated prod to my neck. I covered my face with my ears.

"I-I can't…"

"Judy…"

"You're still dating him, technically. It wouldn't be fair to you if...if…"

Jeanette gave me a sour look of contempt. I gulped.

After the hearing Nick's choice, it shouldn't have been a surprise to me that Jean would have no desire to continue their relationship. But the glower in her eyes was still sad all the same.

"Try again," she said with a bitter resentment.

"I don't know...I'm just...I'm just afraid."

"What could you possibly be afraid of? You're Judy Hopps. You're the most famous mammal to ever come from Bunnyburrow. Everyone knows you're fearless."

I shook my head. "The big secret is I'm always scared. I got scared when your brother attacked me years ago. I got scared of Nick once during the Nighthowler incident and drove him away from me in the process. And now I'm too scared to make this step. I can't do it."

"But everyone looks up to you," Jeanette glanced down at me. "I looked up to you."

"That only makes me feel that much worse about all this. I know what I have to do but...Have you ever wanted to tell someone something, but you just find your tongue turning to mush? Like you're trapped inside a box, screaming to be let out but no one can hear you?"

"I do," she said to me with a blank stare. "Actually."

It didn't occur to me that the mammal I was talking to was Jeanette, someone who until this weekend I didn't know even existed because of how shy she was growing up.

My shoulders recoiled.

"Right...Sorry."

But Jeanette shrugged and looked straight ahead, as if trapped in a memory.

"After Gideon attacked you, I knew I had to make some changes."

"What? What do you mean?"

Jeanette glanced at me with a sorrowful, almost apologetic, look.

"It was my fault Gid was out hurting mammals the day you got clawed. I had been bullied by some prey children and he was trying to make me feel better by getting me a prize at the faire. He was bad at the games, so the tickets he was stealing were for me. He was just trying to be a good big brother in his own bad way."

"Oh," I replayed the events of that day in my head. "Oh! Oh, Jean. I'm so sorry...I...I had no idea."

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about. You were only doing what was right. I chewed him out for it too when I heard what he did. I don't think he had ever seen me angry before."

I recognized the look of determination in Jean's eyes. It was similar to my own whenever I talked about being a police officer.

"After that day, I knew I had to start making some changes for myself, or else I would just be a burden for my brother to protect all the time. He would keep getting angry and might have hurt more mammals. So, I pushed myself to come out of my shell. And it eventually worked."

"That's how it all started? Gideon clawing me?"

"I...Wanted to tell you about it. But after Gideon only made nice to you recently, he didn't want to make you feel bad for what you did. It was a turning point for us, Judy. Never regret it, please."

It was hard not to feel bad about what I had done.

For years, I had looked at that moment as the point I wouldn't let anyone ever tell me I couldn't do something. I had no idea my actions had an impact on other mammals at such a young age. Even when Gideon came to me humbled years later…

"It's a small world," I whispered.

"I understand," Jeanette said, returning to me with kinder eyes. "It's scary to come out to someone like this."

"Standing up to bullies and arresting mammals five times my size sounds easier to do than this…I don't even know if Nick likes me in that way."

"Oh, I think he does."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well...I was wrong about how he felt about me. But that still can't dismiss his smell when we first met. He was working with you all day, right?"

I blushed. It made sense, for sure. But it still felt like wishful thinking.

"Even if I'm wrong," she continued. "You need to come clean, Judy. You're partners, so you're never going to avoid him. And if this mess has proven anything it's that the same thing will happen again if he catches someone else's eye."

"But what if he says no and it ruins our friendship?"

"Then it will suck, but at least you'll know for sure. You need to realize what I did all those years ago."

"What?"

"It's time to stop being afraid and get control back to your life. Or you're never going to get anything you want. Ever. I don't know about you but I'd rather die than live like that again."

I sniffled and then chuckled.

Jeanette was sounding more like my old drill instructor in the academy, Friedkin. The polar bear had the attitude that you didn't deserve a thing unless you worked for it.

The old fly or fall method.

It worked for me back then. Maybe it could work for me again.

I opened my mouth to give Jean my thanks, but I was cut off by screams.

Both our ears shot up as we listened to the screeching of a hundred panicking rabbits. It sounded like it was coming from the center of the fair. I was up to my feet instantly, my police instincts kicking in.

"Stay there," I commanded Jeanette as I hopped into action.

Running through the crowds of scattering bunnies was like being back on the academy obstacle course again. I bobbed to and fro in a dance to avoid being trampled. New sounds of splintering wood hurried my pace.

Something was crashing through stalls and destroying them, sending debris everywhere. My eyes caught the sight of a blurred vehicle skidding around the center ring.

When I arrived, I found that the skidding vehicle was actually a medium sized semi truck, plowing through the mud and rides alike. All of the workers around the carnival had taken cover and were out of the way of the speeding van.

But I did catch the sight of a mass of red fur dangling from the truck's side.

"Nick!"

Nick was too preoccupied with not being sent flying to notice my cries

It looked as if he was trying to reach the driver. Though at the speed they were going, I couldn't get a good look at who the perpetrator was.

There was nothing I could do to combat a thirty ton hunk of speeding metal from the ground while unarmed.

I was just going to have to trust Nick to incapacitate the driver safely. There were civilians to clear out so no one got hurt in the chaos. I leaned over and split the lowest layer of my sundress so I could move easier. Without a whistle or megaphone, this was going to be a challenge.

"Everyone," I shouted at the top of my lungs. "Please, remain calm and keep your distance! Stay to the sides!"

Thankfully, the patrons listened to me and I was able to get the situation on the ground mostly under control. Everyone took cover in the side stalls, a safe distance away from the carnage.

I winced as the truck plowed through the Batting Cages, sending baseballs flying in every direction. Whoever was driving the semi was trying everything they could to shake Nick off. Nick held tight though.

On their third circle around the faire, Nick managed to kick his way through the truck window.

The driver ceased his turning and made a beeline over the fence...Straight into the Love Wagon.

I heard the sound of grinding metal. It was like the truck was being put through a paper shredder. It ended with a sickening crunch.

I opened my eye to see what looked almost like a fatal crash.

"NICK!"

Ripping my dress allowed me move quicker, but even then I still wasn't fast enough.

As I approached the scene of the crash, there wasn't anyone moving.

My heart sank. It had ended so abruptly. So quick...

Folks said that when you were on the verge of death, your life flashed before your eyes. But as I neared the truck, I suddenly recalled every moment I had spent with Nick in the last year with perfect clarity. From first getting hustled by him to his choice of me over Jeanette.

And, just like that, it all faded away.

"Don't be dead," I whispered, biting at my lip so I wouldn't start crying.

You needed to be the police officer here, Judy. Be emotional later.

But I couldn't hold back my tears when I saw Nick's mass of red fur as he gasped for air out the truck window.

"Oh, thank goodness…"

Nick was unharmed, if a bit stuck in a web of twisted metal. His fur and clothes were going in every direction. He stared off in a daze until he noticed me standing there crying.

"Oh. Hey, Carrots," he wavered in a tone that made him sound unconscious. "I seem to be trapped here. Can you give me a paw?"

I wiped my eyes with what remained of my sundress before I ran up to the truck door. Upon opening it, Nick collapsed out into the mud, face first.

"Thank you," his reply was gurgled by the wet ground.

I was overtaken by a bizarre mixture of tears and laughter as I pulled Nick up and embraced him, being careful not to step on his tail this time. He seemed surprised by my reaction by the way he slowly patted me on the back.

"I thought you were dead," I mumbled into his chest.

"I was fine, Carrots," he said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. "Come on, we survived an exploding train together. Remember?"

It would have been funny how nonchalant near-death experiences had become in my life if not for the thought of losing Nick. You didn't really appreciate life until you had something to lose.

Or someone to lose…

The world around us slowed down. It felt like an appropriate time to come clean to him. Now or never, while emotions were high and I was feeling brave.

"Nick," I said with a sniffle. "I need to tell you something...I—"

"Judith Hopps!"

I cringed.

That was the concerned call of my mother. I recognized it anywhere. It was ingrained into my head as a kit.

I broke from Nick just as my parents arrived at the scene.

"Judy," my mom had on an expression of abject horror. "What on earth is going on?"

I had been so concerned about Nick's well being that I hadn't surveyed the damage the semi had done to the faire.

Every single ride had been hit in the chaos.

The Batting Cages was run through. The Rollercoaster was missing a chunk of its tracks. The Merry-go-round had lost a few unicorns. And the Love Wagon had become a complicated fusion of truck and tractor. Wood and prizes were scattered everywhere around us and smoke rose from the crushed engine of the semi.

Thankfully, no one looked hurt. Not even the slimy raccoon rising from the wreckage behind us.

"Rocco Larrs," I snarled.

Rocky stumbled forward until Nick caught him.

I knew this mess had something to do with the sleazy raccoon. Nick grabbed him by the back of the collar and hoisted him forward while I inspected the back of the truck.

There was a single wooden crate, smashed and scattered about on the ground.

Broken into two pieces at the tip, I saw the remains of my dad's prized possession. The golden carrot. I covered my mouth to hide my surprise. I tried to close the truck door to cover it, but I needn't have bothered. Dad was near enough to see it.

Dad never got angry.

I had seen him scared plenty of times. He had been frustrated before, but never to the point of raising his voice. Seeing the golden carrot, his carrot, shattered into two chunks had caused a glowing spark to form in his eyes. Suddenly, dad didn't look so kindly and bumbling anymore as he turned to face Rocky and Nick.

"You," he snarled. "Both of you. Explain yourselves."

I could tell Nick wasn't in the mood for joking around in his usual fashion. I was reminded of an old saying. Fear a storm at sea, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle mammal.

"Well, Mr. Hopps," Nick said, speaking softly but holding his ground. "Rocky, here, had the idea to steal your golden carrot and leave you with no proof to pin the crime on him. He wanted to pawn it in the city and make out like a bandit. According to him, the carrot is worth a million dollars."

"It's worth a lot more than that, fox."

Both Nick and I shared a wince. It took Nick a moment to find his tongue to continue.

"I figured out he had been planning the heist and tried to stop him as best as I could."

"And why couldn't you tell me about it?" my dad snapped. "Or any of us? By Judy's expression, I don't think she knew about your little scheme."

Nick either had no defense for himself or chose to remain silent.

"I invite you into my home, fox. We shared stories and drinks, no less. And this is how you repay me? Do you have any idea how much damage you just did? How many mammals you almost hurt?"

"Dad, that's not fair."

"What's not fair, Judy, is decades of hard work undone in an instant thanks to him! Do you think anyone in Bunnyburrow is going to want to come to the Hopps Harvest ever again after this? Not to mention the cost to replace all of this equipment we lost. All because we had to invite a fox into our celebrations. He outright ruined this forever. For everyone!"

I was fuming at the words coming out of my father's mouth. "Dad!"

"Judy, you didn't even know this was going to happen. What if he was involved and he's just covering his tail?"

"He's not!"

"Actually, Mr. Hopps," Rocky interrupted us with his slithery tongue. "Mr. Wilde here was going to be my accomplice in the crime until he turned craven. Well, buddy, if I go down, you go with me."

"Ah hah! I knew it! I knew the moment I laid my eyes on this one, he's nothing but a dirty, no good—"

"Stuart Hopps, that's quite enough."

In an instant, my dad's string of curses sputtered and collapsed into a heap.

Mom had been quietly watching from the side and decided to speak up before dad could become hysterical. Only my mom could stand in front of a rampaging buffalo and get the buffalo to apologize for his behavior.

"B-But, Bon…I just heard it from Rocco's mouth..."

"And did you once consider that he might be lying to you?"

Everyone was looking at my mom surprised, but none more so than me.

After her disregard of Nick the first day we came here, I would have never expected her to come to his aid.

She stood between the two males, eyes burning at her husband and protecting Nick like one of her own kits.

"Honestly, Stu. You brought this on yourself, planting that stupid golden carrot in the middle of the faire every year. It was only a matter of time before some lowlife got the bright idea to try and steal it. Nick does his best to try to stop the robbery and now you berate him and blame him for everything."

Dad stood there with his mouth left ajar. "But...But…"

"No buts," she warned him with a stern finger. "Now, apologize. You're sounding worse than my father."

Most of the rabbits of the faire who hadn't fled in terror were gathering around the crash site. I could hear the gossiping whispers claiming bigotry and feel the judging stares. By the blush on dad's face, he felt it too. But he couldn't form the words to apologize.

Nick sighed heavily. "It's alright, Mrs. Hopps. I'm used to it at this point. I don't need an apology."

Classy, Nick. Dad really felt that one by how he winced.

But I could tell by the pained expression on Nick's face that he had just given up and wasn't attempting to be sarcastic. He looked tired. Exhausted, even.

"Carrots," he said, holding out Rocky's arm for me to grab. "Can you take the criminal scum for a moment? I think I need to sit down."

I knew walking away from a crash like that was insane. There was no way Nick wasn't shaken up from the experience.

I kept a tight hold on Rocky, wishing I had remembered to bring along my handcuffs with me on the trip.

Nick collapsed next to the heap of metal that remained of the truck and tractor. The scene looked like a death trap, with the hood smashed flat and the engine lodged through the rear end of the tractor. Nick was lucky to even be alive.

I wanted to sit down next to Nick and give him a hug. Just to make him feel better...No, come on, Judy. You had a job to do first.

We had to wait around for the local authorities to handle Rocky and I kept close to Nick so I could keep an eye on him.

Folks began to disperse with the show over. No doubt they would go home with a story to tell for the rest of their lives. Just another day as a ZPD officer though.

One mammal, however, didn't clear out with the rest of the crowd.

Jeanette strode up to Nick as he hung his head.

She had on her stern look, arms crossed and eyes sharp. Nick only looked up when she was directly in front of him. I recognized his forced smile anywhere.

"Heeey, Red."

"So," she said, surveying the wreckage behind him. "This is what you do for a living?"

"Yeeeah. Not the most glamorous lifestyle. But it's certainly rewarding in its own dumb way."

"I don't know if I could be with someone who constantly puts his life in danger like that every single day."

Nick cringed. "Breaking up with me, huh?"

"Sorry, but yes."

"No, no. I can't say I'm surprised given how today went. I'd be running for the hills too. But, I gotta say, this is the cherry on top of a particularly rank dung cake."

Jeanette frowned at Nick and loosened her rigid posture. Nick had his eyes closed and held his head in his paws, looking like he was fighting a headache.

"Things will get better, Nick. You'll find someone else." Jeanette glanced in my direction and winked without Nick noticing. "Might be you just don't know where to look yet."

"Right...Well, good luck with the bakery. I guess?"

"I'll see you around Zootopia, Mr. Wilde."

It wasn't often you saw someone get to Nick, but I could tell that this was the final straw to break his back. As Jeanette turned away, Nick slouched further into his legs.

I had to remind myself for a second time not to let the struggling convict in my paws go to give Nick a hug. On the ground, in the mud, I noticed the fox plushie I had won earlier. I must have dropped it in the chaos. It was dirtied and trampled.

Nick took in a sharp deep breath and fakely smiled again.

"Carrots, another favor. You mind if I step out for a bit? I need to take a walk."

Every instinct in my body told me to not let him wander off in case he did something stupid. But this was Nick Wilde. He never let anyone see they broke through the tough exterior of his mask. He was probably going somewhere quiet just to be alone for awhile. Maybe even scream.

It's what I would do.

"Sure…"

I watched him trail off down the road with the coming evening. Soon it would be dark out there, with him wandering all alone in the farmlands.

But I couldn't go to him until the local sheriff showed up.