Chapter Seventeen "The Long Road"

I think that was a contender for one of the worst days of my life. Let's go over all that had happened, Nick. Just for a final tally.

Not counting questionable sleep, we start with making your date jealous of your best friend for wearing her Sunday best. Then, the two of them proceed to compete with each other, resulting in no enjoyment of the faire whatsoever. While all this is going on, you're having an existential crisis about what you want to be doing with your life. Your date forces you to pick between her or your best friend, then storms off when you choose the obvious answer. You decide to do the right thing and confront a raccoon who wants to steal a million dollars from your best friend's family. This results in a horrible car crash where you nearly die. You get blamed by your best friend's specist father for all the damage caused in the chaos. And, to top it all off, your date breaks up with you.

That was an impressively bad day. Like, you had to try to accomplish all that in order to fail so miserably.

The sun had long set and I was basically walking in the dark along a dirt road with no destination in mind.

I just needed to get away from rabbits. I was absolutely sick of bunnies after spending a weekend with a whole, crazy horde. Plus, I needed some serious time to think about what I had done.

I pondered the new resolve I had thought up. To be a better mammal.

So far, it didn't feel like it held much merit.

When the entire world was against you from the moment you made the decision to stick to your gut, you just had to question if you were being stubborn or stupid. I had seen dozens of mammals hold their ground on their ideals only for it to result in more misery. Was this another misguided venture and I was just being too blind to see it?

But then I thought of Judy...

No. My heart was in the right place. Everything that had happened had just been a perfect storm.

Though that was small comfort for me as I continued down the long road back to the Hopps household. The guilt of nearly falling so low was still there. I had messed up a great deal. You could say I got off real easy, all things considering. Though I still felt like I didn't really deserve Bonnie's protection in all that mess.

All the more reason to take my quiet leave.

The full moon from yesterday was now an imperfect circle, a slightly flawed orb in a sky of diamonds. So many stars...You never could see them all in the city. You'd never know just what was over your head without looking. But despite their beauty, I really missed home.

My plan was to arrive at the Hopps compound, pack my things, leave a note for Judy, and take the first train back to Zootopia. Judy was probably going to be upset, especially without me having said goodbye to anyone. But I just needed to go. I needed to be away for a while.

In the dark of the countryside, every light stood out like a roaring fire. From the homes dotting the hilly landscape, to the few street lamps along the road.

Cars rarely passed me by. So, I was surprised when I could feel the warmth of some headlamps on my back.

Then I heard a truck approaching.

"Mr. Wilde."

Gideon Grey halted his pink delivery truck off the side of the road, parking right in front of me. Though it was rabbits I was sick of, I couldn't exactly say I was happy to see him, of all mammals.

"Chief."

"Get in," he said, opening his passenger door for me. "We're going for a ride."

My instincts told me that was dangerous idea. I had just broken up with his sister, a vixen he was so protective of that he had threatened bodily harm to any mammal who wronged her.

But Gideon didn't have the look of murder about his face. His tired expression mirrored my own.

"Look, Mr. Wilde, I'm just here to pick you up. I ain't saying I'm too pleased about what went down between you and Jean. But I'm smart enough to know that sometimes things don't work out in relationships. I ain't gonna hurt you."

If I was in a better mood, I might have snorted at Gideon calling himself smart. No offense to the fox, but he was only slightly above a brick in the fields of common sense, based on my few interactions with him. But I sighed and climbed in.

"Who sent you?" I wondered out loud.

"You'll see."

"Very cloak and dagger. If I notice we're driving to the lake to dump off my body, I'm going to duck and roll out of the vehicle."

"I ain't gonna hurt you, Mr. Wilde," Gideon repeated. "But a favor was called on me and I don't have the heart to refuse it."

Though there was some intrigue there, I was too tired to pry Gideon for answers. I leaned back into the car seat and stared out into the dirt road as we drove along.

"How is she?"

"Jeanette? She was eating a gallon of ice cream, last I saw her. Not crying though, which is why I'm not very upset with you. She was just depressed. A fair sight of what you look like right now."

"A charmer you are not, Gideon Grey."

"I reckon after you destroyed the faire site, she could only do what was best for her. Sounds like it was a mutual break up. It's good you decided that early on. You're both sharp if you can recognize pitfalls from the start and know what you're willing to put up with."

"I'd imagine Stu is still cheesed with me."

"Actually, every time he grumbles Bonnie throws him a dirty look and he quiets down. He's just a little emotional, and rightfully so. Shame about Rocky though. I always knew he was trouble. That's why we stopped being friends when I turned over a new leaf."

"Rocky's been arrested then?"

"Yep. The sheriff has got him locked up in the county for now. His trial is probably going to be the big news around here for awhile. Folks sound outraged with him and how he almost killed mammals with his reckless driving. No mention of you in negative light though."

That was some relief off my mind. The guilt from even considering working with the raccoon tugged at my tail. I didn't deserve the lack of punishment I had received. I had been so close to making the wrong decision. It was scary to think about. My badge in my pocket provided me some comfort from such thoughts.

"That's a first with my reputation. A small victory for foxes in the sticks."

"I won't pretend that Rocky wasn't right about some of the things that go on in Bunnyburrow, Mr. Wilde. The rabbits can be a bit 'holier than thou,' but they're mostly good folks. It's a small town. If you do the right thing, mammals take notice. Folks are already trying to raise money to pay for the damages to Stu's festival."

"That doesn't surprise me, actually."

"He's refusing the help, of course. Stu has always been a 'do it yourself' type who doesn't like a helping paw patronizing him. He, uh, was mentioning thinking about selling the remains of his carrot to pay for everything..."

The thought of the once glorious golden carrot shattered into two pieces made me feel more guilt. The value of the item would drop, but it was still worth its weight in gold.

"I'll have to apologize at some point."

"Mr. Hopps doesn't like to be pitied, Mr. Wilde. Just let him come to you."

Just like his wife, huh?

I didn't have much time to mull over Gideon's words as he slowed his truck. We were coming to a stop. I glanced out the window but didn't see anything recognizable. Especially in the dark.

"Where are we?"

"Just head on out, Mr. Wilde. And good luck."

"Good luck? I don't like the sound of that…"

Reluctantly, I undid my seatbelt and stepped out into the chilly evening.

We were out in the farmlands, near a small brook that flowed between the properties. There was a short bridge with railings over the stream and under the moon. Quiet and picture perfect, like it was out of a painting.

Standing in the middle of it all was Judy, perched and staring up at the moon.

I heard Gideon pull away behind me, leaving us alone.

It had only been an hour since the incident at the faire. I thought I didn't want to see another rabbit in Bunnyburrow.

But I was wrong.

Judy looked over to me, having heard Gideon's truck pull away. Her amethyst eyes were her most striking feature in the dark. Under the moonlight, I saw a worried frown. She was concerned for me, probably after I walked off. Dumb bunny. I just needed some time to think.

Her dress was in tatters, with grime and mud, and her eyeliner smeared. But she was still more beautiful than any star in the sky.

"Hi," she said with a shaky voice.

"Hey."

She shied away from me, like my greeting had been offensive in some secret bunny language I wasn't aware of.

I climbed the bridge and leaned over the railing by her side.

"So," I said to lighten the mood. "I have the theory that you paid Gideon off to drive me here so you could ice me for ruining your parent's faire."

"Of course not, Nick," she thought about my idea for a moment. "If I was going to ice you, I'd just have Mr. Big do it when we got back to the city."

We both chuckled, though the curtain of awkwardness still weighed heavy between us.

Something was on her mind. I hazarded a guess on what it could be.

"Look, Carrots. About today…"

"Y-Yeah?"

How to make it sound like I hadn't made a choice between Judy and Jeanette out of love?

Of course I still felt something for Judy. More than ever before. Choosing not to lose her was a decision I would always make, never a second thought.

But looking at Judy and her expression of fear and uncertainty... I didn't think she was ready to hear what I had to say. Not yet.

That left only one option.

I took a deep breath. "I don't want to send you the wrong message, Fluff."

The look of hurt in her eyes told me I had said the wrong thing.

I backtracked.

"Okay, okay, that was a bad way to start...Listen. Today I made a difficult choice. But if you gave me the decision again, I would pick you. Every time. Because you're my best friend. And there's no one who's ever going to replace you. Not even someone I happen to be dating."

Doing good, Nick. But now came the hard part.

"But...I don't want to ever compromise the friendship we have. I feel like this week showed just how strenuous things can be in our crazy lifestyle. There's always going to be something in the way or some hurdle to cross. So, I'd like you to know that we're still friends. But we're just...Just friends."

The words had gone heavy on my tongue as they left my lips. But this is what I felt I deserved after everything I had done.

I studied Judy's face after my announcement. In the dark, even with my improved night vision, it was hard to read her expressions. Contemplative? Relieved? Sad? They all sort of blurred together into one unclear emotion.

I swallowed my nerves and continued to try and soften the blow for the both of us.

"I'm happy to be just friends. Aren't you? We're the best partners in the ZPD and we want to keep it that way. Right? And we'll always be friends and do stuff together. Nothing would change."

"Friends," Judy repeated the word. "Yeah...It would be better to just be friends."

I put on a fake smile.

This was going to be a long, tough road to go down together. But I could keep it up, as long as I needed to. Judy was worth it.

Time to test the new uncharted waters and break the growing awkward silence between us.

"So," I said leaning over the bridge. "Why did you bring me all the way out here?"

"Oh," Judy replied as she played with her ear. "Uh, I just wanted someplace quiet to talk. We used to come out here all the time when we needed a break from mom and dad."

"Well, it is quiet. I'll give you that…"

"Yeah…"

The night grew silent.

Nope. Still awkward. Think of something else to talk about, Nick.

"...How did you manage to recruit Gideon to get me here?"

"Huh? Oh. Jeanette told me about...About why he was bullying those mammals years ago. I, uh, called in a favor for hiding that from me for so long."

"Officer Hopps, that sounds so underhanded of you."

She let out an uncomfortable chuckle. "Uh, yeah. Jeanette and I had a long talk together."

"I was wondering how that went when you both disappeared."

"...It was hard. She was pretty upset with me. She had good reason to be. I was acting like a jerk to her all day."

"I'm assuming it well enough. You managed to convince her to break up with me, after all."

"I'm sorry, Nick…"

"Eh, it wouldn't have worked out anyway after all that had happened. Better sooner rather than later, as Gideon said. Don't get me wrong though, she was a good vixen."

"She was good...Nice, artistic, kind, brave…Brave..."

Judy stared off to the stream then glanced down to her chest. Her paw was placed where her heart would be. She looked like she was having a conversation with herself.

I gave her a quiet moment to think. Though I was desperate to know what was on her mind.

"...This isn't going to work," she said out loud.

"What are you talking about, Carrots?"

"Being just friends," she faced me with a sad look in her eyes. "I can't do it, Nick."

"Oh…"

My heart sank.

Judy didn't want to be friends with me if it meant I had potential feelings for her?

It seemed I was destined to have the absolute worst day of my life. My mind ran through a list of solutions. If we couldn't be friends anymore, what were we? Passing strangers? Co-workers and nothing more?

I knew it...We were just too different. A fox and a bunny. It could never work between us. And Judy didn't want to risk it. Not that I could blame her...

"Well," I said, struggling to come up with an answer to our dilemma but finding nothing satisfactory. "Is...Is this it then?"

"I guess it was pretty obvious," Judy said. "I'm...I'm terrible at this sort of thing."

"It's alright, Carrots. I understand. I'll make it easy for you."

With my ears low, I rose from my spot at the bridge and turned for the road. I didn't look back. I couldn't bear to.

"I'll be off then," I said with a wave.

"Nick, where are you going?"

"Don't worry about me, Carrots. Alright? I'll be fine. I'll just...I'll just head home. See you at work."

"Nick...Come on. Stop it."

Her voice cracked a little as I tried to ignore her.

"Nick…"

I felt like turning around would only make things worse for the both of us. Let's just end things with a simple farewell. Let's keep it clean, Judy.

In my mind, this would just be easier if it was done quickly. Like ripping off a bandage. The less lingering, the less tears. I kept my head low as I—

"I'm trying to confess to you, you dumb fox!"

My eyes widened and I stopped in place.

I turned around to see Judy standing at the top of the bridge, tears in the pit of her eyes. Her brow was furrowed and teeth bared in anger.

Upon seeing my face, her expression softened from rage to vulnerability again.

"I...I don't understand any of this," she said, looking away and playing with her ear. "I'm a dumb bunny cop from the sticks with parents who've hated foxes growing up. I've been clawed at and bullied by a fox. I even carried fox repellent when we first met. I'm the last mammal who should ever, ever fall for a fox."

She stared at me again and I saw her. The real Judy. The rabbit I was in love with. Vulnerable. Honest. Wearing the same expression of longing I always gave her whenever her back was turned.

"But I'm tired of being afraid of my own feelings," she continued. "I'm sick of hurting other mammals because I can't come to terms with what I want. And I'm done second guessing myself. I think I've known for a while, but when you started dating Jean...Something snapped, Nick. Something broke. And...And…"

She clenched her shoulders and hugged herself.

"And I'm scared. I'm so scared I'm going to ruin things by saying this. So scared it won't work and break us apart. It would be easier to just stay friends. To go on pretending you don't mean as much to me as you do. But I'd be so unhappy, Nick. I'd get...I'd get so sick of it. So...So...Here I go. Here's how I feel."

Her paws were trembling and she gulped.

"I...I love you. I've loved you for a long time. So...So, if you can't love me too, then tell me. Tell me and we can work it out. But you needed to know. You have no idea how much I've wanted to say that to you. To come clean and stop being afraid. But...It's out there. And now you know...So...So...Yeah..."

Then there was silence.

Judy looked to me, waiting for me to respond.

My face and eyes were completely neutral. But in my chest, my heart had turned into the engine of a F-22. My mouth was dry and my head felt like it had been struck by lightning from standing there like a pillock.

The irony was not lost on me. For days, I had been stressing about how to confess to Judy, only for her to come right out to me with feelings of her own. Just like Stu said she would.

All the pain, all the heartache of the past week vanished in an instant. What else could I do but laugh?

And so I laughed.

I laughed hard.

Harder than Judy certainly had ever heard me laugh. Or expected me to. The most I had ever given her was a forced "haha" whenever I told her a dumb joke.

Judy was taken aback by my reaction, at first.

She got annoyed quickly enough though, despite the blush she was wearing.

"Wh-What's so funny, you dumb fox? I spill my guts to you and the only thing you can do is laugh?"

I had doubled over, wiping the tears from my eyes. It was a struggle to get the words out.

"You...Poor...Dumb bunnies. So emotional…"

Judy was fuming. "Sh-Shut up! This is all new to me!"

"Poor thing…You're so cute when you're flustered."

Was I being mean? Yes. Absolutely. One hundred percent. But after suffering a horrible day, I thought it fair to be rewarded with some much-earned Judy teasing.

Judy was looking more like a tomato than a carrot, with her face all red. She tugged at her ears so hard, I was afraid she was going to rip them off.

"Nick, please, don't call me cute…"

"Sorry, Fluff. Can't help it."

I calmed myself down. All that laughter had been just what I needed to improve my mood. Judy continued to sway uncertainly in place, looking unsure of herself and unable to look me in the eye.

Don't tell me...Did she not know how I felt about her?

"You seemed concerned by something, Carrots."

"I-I'm confused, Nick…"

"What about?"

"Well...One minute you're depressed...The next you want to be just friends...Then you want to leave me...Now, you're in hysterics after I confess to you."

"Ah. You're worried you broke me."

I inched my way closer to her, though Judy didn't seem to notice.

"I...I just want an answer, Nick. Not knowing is driving me crazy. I can't think straight..."

I grinned from ear to ear as I leered over the distressed bunny. My distressed bunny. She was so distracted by her own thoughts that she hadn't noticed I was in range of her.

"Well, we can't have that," I said. "Let me put it in a way you'll understand then."

She didn't even have time to squeak as I moved in for the kill.

It was a smooth kiss. The smoothest I had ever done, even though Judy came up to my chest in height. The trick to a good kiss was to not overextend your welcome. Catch them by surprise, hold for a few seconds, then break away with a slight nip on the lips. Leave them wanting more. Taunt them.

The expression of shock on Judy's face as her brain tried to process what had happened made the temptation strong to go in for another kiss. But I resisted and settled for a sultry smirk and a paw on her cheek instead.

"Judy Hopps," I whispered in a hushed voice. "Do I love you? Yes. I do."

It was Judy's turn to run the gauntlet of conflicting emotions I had just passed through.

By her breathing, she was failing to control herself mentally. I caught her as she stumbled forward into my arms. She buried her face into my chest, much like she had done after the crash earlier.

"Oh, thank goodness," she whispered with a shudder. "Thank goodness…"

I knew the feeling. The relief.

It was like a gulp of fresh air after realizing I had been holding my breath all my life. Internally, my mind was a fried circuit board on the fritz. Externally, my primal instincts took over. I had a prospective mate in my arms that I fully intended to protect and make my own.

Judy didn't resist as I reached around her legs and hoisted her into the air.

She settled into my arms, head pressed to my pecs. She was exhausted, bruised, and battered. All the stress of the day had hit her at once and she was on the verge of falling asleep. A cute smile was spread across her face as she closed her eyes tight in contentment. Her paw clenched the collar of my shirt.

I gave into my temptation by kissing her again on the forehead, which caused her nose to twitch.

"Nick," she asked me as I carried her across the bridge and onto the road. "What are we doing?"

"I'm taking you home, Fluff. This way to the house, right?"

"No. I mean, what now? Now that we're...We're a thing?"

Cloud nine gave out from under me and I was slipping briefly back to earth.

There were going to be consequences for this relationship. But I quickly decided those were for future Nick to handle. Right then, the moment was mine and I would enjoy it for as long as I could.

"We'll just have to figure that out for ourselves. We've got a long way to go."

A/N: Just because I'm a horrible person, I need to ask...How many of you would kill me if the next chapter was "...And then Nick woke up and it was all a dream!"

But, woo! We finally got there! One more chapter to go, so I'll save my good byes until then.

I wanted to make this note to give thanks to the wonderful Alana for putting together the new cover for Noots! Check out her stuff on her DA account (funkology) or on her Tumblr (nick-and-judy-daily), she does some pretty awesome work.

And thank you to you all for reading. Let's wrap this tale up and move onto the next one!