Note: This is written in my perspective. I'm basically the one telling you what's happening, but I'm not a character in the story.
WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. I, NOR THOMAS JEFFERSON IS RESPONSIBLE FOR CERTAIN DEATH.
After "studying" for several hours, Thomas was sure he was ready. He mustn't be the only one who ships himself and Hamilton, so he figured: It's time to make things canon.
If you asked Thomas if you could see his computer search history, he will quickly push you away from that idea. No, nothing "suggestive", just lots of information about boxes. You see, shipping is hard. No, not fandom shipping, we're going back to before that existed. We're going back to the distant future of when people mailed things.
Thomas was sure he had everything he needed. Madison/Back-up? Check. Cheese Doodles? Check, it's what every YouTuber brought with them when they did the "I SHIP MYSELF" videos. A bottle of wine? Check. What? He was supposed to stay sober while in a box in a mailman's van? Entertainment? Check, his Game Boy. What? You don't know what that is? Kids these days, just look it up. Roses? Check.
This is everything. Oh- you're wondering what the roses are for? Well, this is how Thomas wants it to go:
Step 1: Get in box, have James Medicine tape it shut.
Step 2: Make sure all items are in box.
Step 3: Have Medicine bring me to mail place, make mail people ship me today- Hamilton only lives 20 minutes away from my house, it shouldn't take long.
Step 4: Live off of items.
Step 5: Arrive at Hammy's house.
Step 6: Hammy opens box.
Step 7: Pick up roses and say, "Hey Alexander, I just want you to know, I ship us,"
Step 8: Make out with Ham.
A solid plan, in my opinion.
Turns out, that plan was just about as solid as Jefferson's wine.
Step 1:
"Jimmy Jem, I can't fit in the box!" Jefferson whined.
"Yes you can," Madison mumbled, pushing Jefferson. Thomas fell into the box, crushing at least 5 Cheese Doodles.
"Goodbye!" Madison chirped, duct taping the box shut.
Step 2:
"MADISON!" Thomas screeched, pounding on the box. "I FORGOT THE WINE!"
"Wow, I really thought you could stay sober," Madison said, shaking his head. He picked off the tape on the box, passed the wine bottle in, and taped the box shut again.
Step 3:
Everything seemed to go smoothly. Although, Madison dropped Jefferson a few times.
Step 4:
Now, you would've thought living off of a Game Boy, a bottle of wine, and Cheese Doodles would've been easy, but GOD, IT WASN'T. Jefferson had already finished the wine, but he might've gotten a bit too drunk and smashed the bottle against the side of the box. Let's just say, he has several injuries from the shards of glass. Luckily, Jefferson got to Hamilton's house in under an hour, so he had a few Cheese Doodles leftover when he arrived.
Step 5:
After sitting on Hamilton's doorstep for what seemed like hours, Thomas was finally picked up and brought into Hamilton's house.
Step 6:
Wait a minute, Jefferson just heard a voice, but it wasn't Hamilton's. "Alex, this box is for you!" the voice had said. But Jefferson's heart shattered when he heard the response. "Be there in a sec, love!" which had come from none other than Hamilton.
As Jefferson sat in the box, on a verge of tears, he heard Hamilton say, "Laurens, hon, where's the knife? I need to cut this open."
"Um, in the kitchen cupboard like always," Laurens replied.
"Oh, um, I can reach that," Hamilton replied with a laugh.
"Of course you can't, lazy," Jefferson then heard footsteps, which he only assumed was Laurens walking over and getting the knife.
~LAURENS'S POV~
I closed the cupboard door and stuck my tongue out at Alexander, joking that I could reach the knives and he couldn't.
We walked over to the box, and I slowly started cutting a slit in it, until-
"AH!" A voice shrieked.
"AH!" I screeched.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" Alex screamed, ripping the knife out of my hand.
~JEFFERSON'S POV~
"AH!" I shrieked, feeling a knife cut against my arm.
Oh god, oh hell no. This can't be happening. Why didn't YouTube warn me about this?
The cut was several inches long, and blood was spilling out rapidly. I started to feel woozy. I felt another cut appear on my leg as I dropped out of consciousness.
~HAMILTON'S POV~
I continuously stabbed the box, praying that I was destroying whatever monster was in there.
"I think it's safe," I muttered to Laurens, slowly opening the box.
"..." Laurens said.
"What, Laurens, why did you just say 'Dot, dot, dot,'?" I asked.
"BECAUSE JEFFERSON'S DEAD BODY IS IN HERE, THAT'S WHY!" He shouted at me.
"Well, I can see that," I mumbled. Then I said, louder, "Are we going to be faced criminal charges?"
"I don't think so," Laurens replied after thinking for a few seconds.
"Do you think it's safe to eat those 6 Cheetos?" I asked.
"Now don't go saying I'm a bad boyfriend, but yes," Laurens replied, grabbing a Cheeto and stuffing it in his mouth. "Hmm," He said after chewing for a few seconds. "This tastes like Sam Adams."
I reached over and shoveled a Cheeto in my mouth, and then spitting it out, "EW, OH MY GOD YOU WERE RIGHT IT'S A SAM ADAMS CHEETO! I HATE SAM ADAMS!"
"It's okay," Laurens said, pulling me over and petting my hair.
"No, it's not okay," I replied, showing big puppy dog eyes.
"Yes it is, we just killed Thomas Jefferson and everything's gonna work out just fine," He said, kissing me.
"Okay," I smiled, crawling into Laurens's lap.
Step 7:
I looked at the roses in the box, thought of my worst pick-up line, and looked at Laurens. "Hey, Laurens, I just want you to know, I ship us," I said, offering him the roses.
Step 8:
"I know," Laurens said to me, then kissing me.
Next birthday: King George III, June 4th
If there is a birthday sooner than that please tell me!
Also, today, for Jefferson's birthday, I painted my nails (lol, I don't have the effort to do that my friend painted them) and they're a bright sparkly purple and it's so awesome. I'm also wearing a purple shirt, a ruffly, dark purple skirt, a dark purple, lace vest, and a purple headband with an extravagant glittery and purple flower on it. I also have a purple tiger print bracelet, and a bright, sparkly purple slap bracelet (because why not). And then there's a green ring on my finger with eyeballs, and I'm saying that Madison got it for me as an engagement ring, but I also pretend that it's Hamilton and I'm making (and winning) arguments with him.