Thanks for reading and waiting. Hope you like it.
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−This is a really happy nineteen-year-old girl from New York, super excited about going abroad to South Wales for a period of one year on a work-away experience. Nervous, of course, but really really eager, enthusiastic, delighted with this new adventure.
With a total of two suitcases, one larger than the other, and a hand bag, she entered through the doors of what it would be her new home. Accompanied by her host-mom, she crossed the threshold to her new room; bright orange surprised her, a queen-sized bed on one wall, large windows opposite it covered with floral-patterned curtains, a white shelf fixed on the other wall, and a considerable big wardrobe beside it. –
She stopped talking, her look as if she still was in that room, not in the coffee shop with her mom in NY again, she looks like she is dreaming, or in some time in that room when something was happening.
Kate was surprised at first when her very smart daughter used the third person as if explaining a tale, it was a way to put distance between herself and whatever happened those months that hurt her so much.
She noticed Lily coming back to her, taking another sip of the chocolate and regaining the lead on the story:
−Taking care of two eight-year-old girls, walking them to school, picking them up, preparing their snacks, dropping them off at swimming lessons and ballet. As housework, prepare their lunch and dinner one day weekly and staying with them until the mom came home late at night. All of that was what this girl was supposed to do, it was more like a nanny –to the astonishment of her family-.
Wide eyed, still in a haze by the difference of everything, pony tail in place, comfy jeans and a t-shirt already put on, the next day she walked in the kitchen from where the voices were coming, ready for details she had yet to be explained about: where things went, where was the school, swimming-pool, etc. The girls didn't start school until two days from the day she arrived, perfect to make her feel more secure about how everything worked and was before the routine started.
The family consisted of the mom, the two girls and a twenty-one-year-old man, brother of the girls, currently living in the campus's of college. Mark− Kate noticed a certain tightness in her voice, but with no intention of stopping her, didn't say anything− didn't go much home, just on weekends and sometimes a couple of days to have lunch.
It was the first time the family used a live-in girl (nanny) to take care of the girls. No more explanations were given, and the girl didn't want to pry so she commented no more about that topic, and so both the new-arrived and the family had to get used to everything that was going to be so very new. −
She looked directly into her mom's eyes, then.
−She felt alone. It's true that by a Facebook page of foreigners working in South Wales and more particular in the area she was living, she had met some people, but they didn't connect with her, she felt left out, and were actually kind of stressing her out, with their questions and planning for the future months of her stay. She also discovered that the closest city was farther away than expected, with really difficult combinations to arrive there by public transport if she didn't want to spend half her salary in train tickets.
She didn't like it.
At all.
It was cold. Streets so dark at night and buses that didn't come when they were supposed to. It all was making of her time there a bad ordeal.
The first few weeks flew by, they were all about the excitement of discovering new things, learning the way everything was done. The girls were not the perfect example for ''good girls'' but she didn't really expect extremely well-behaved eight-years-old.
Past practice with children had given the girl more patience and serenity on difficult situations with them−
Kate knew pretty well that patience her daughter was talking about. Besides of taking her early responsibility as big sister when her brothers were born, Lily had also been an instructor on a summer campsite, planning activities, playing games, etc. with kids from four to nine years-old, they were really fond with her, and that encouraged Lily on taking this job as child caretaker.
She nods, reassuring Lily to continue.
−Because of that enthusiasm and eagerness of the first weeks, the distinct things to what she was used to and some bad-manners from the girls, were overlooked, and didn't give much importance.
But three weeks later, when the routine had settled in her life again and she noticed all those changes were not something she wanted to excuse, when she was really getting tired of being treated so badly, when the girls kept telling her to go back to her country, to go away, that she was not their mother, and they wouldn't accept her job and her stay there; overall was changing the girl from the happy, cheerful girl to a more serious, sadder one. –
She looked away, a little embarrassed by the tearing up her eyes have surprisingly done.
She took some deep breaths and looked at her mother. Mistake. She knew that explaining all of this would make her mother gander her with pity, feel sorrow for her, and it made her feel distressed as if her problems were the worst thing ever. She didn't want that, she didn't want shame, she just wanted to explain and eventually move on, and not give it more significance than it had.
Finally, after a few minutes of just taking all in and swallowing a huge glup of chocolate, she continued:
−The fact of not knowing anything around her, neither anyone for that matter, of being let down by the mother, doing nothing to ameliorate the situation with the girls once presented with it, and of really really missing her family (much more she was counting on) was concering the girl, thinking that her experience there would be ending far too soon.
At that point, Kate had shifted herself so she was half-sitting and half-leaning on the little table, surprised by the depth of the sadness her daughter was narrating her experience with.
They had known something was wrong with the girls and the mother, but she hadn't explained much more, on the third day they asked about it, she had waved it off telling it was all much better and nothing to worry about anymore.
If she had been aware of all the pain it was causing her, she would have gone there herself and brought her back in the first plane, her mama-bear instincts kicking in, but her beloved daughter was nineteen now and she understood, along with Castle, that they had to let her on her own, live and see, experience. Fall down and rise. And of course they would be there when she wanted them to be (even when she doesn't too), but they assumed they had to let her fly away, and then permit her come back to the nest by herself.
So they did just that, and what Kate needed, wanted to do right on that moment was to pick her up and bring her to her side, and hold her until god knew when. She realized she couldn't (at least, not there, not now), so the closest thing to it was wrap her hands around her daughter's hoping, that way, it would make her feel her love and her support through them.
Lily startled when she felt warmth, delicate hands wrapped around hers, so lost in those past days she was.
She looked into her mother's eyes and knew that now that she had started explaining she wouldn't stop, so taking the lead again and still feeling the affection around her hands, the next words sprang again:
−So she talked with the other girls she met by the Facebook page, they were nannies too, and vaguely explained her position, wanting to know what their opinions were about it and maybe some advice they could give her. They told her that the first few weeks and months were the worst; you are trying to get used to everything, to live with some strangers, to get accustomed to their every-day and to miss your family and friends, of course, but those weeks could be pretty good too; discovering, visiting, meeting new people, eating different food, learning other traditions, etc. they also told her that working with a family that is new in having a live-in nanny is a disadvantage when the children are older, because they don't like that some stranger is bossing them around and prying in their lives, so is difficult for sure at first, then they can grow fond of you.
Or not.
The pressure of these girls over her was big, they were older, far more experienced, some of them with degrees on children's education, others had been doing that job for quite some time, so being there was awkward, besides they didn't help her, the opposite, they made her more nervous about everything. –
Taking a look around the coffee shop, Lily noticed that they had been sitting there for longer than she usually stayed in cafes.
Strangers came, sat and go. All of them completely unaware of what was happening in their little cosy corner of armchairs and hands laced together.
Those minutes she took, gave her some time to register and go over everything she wanted to tell her mother. She realized she was no longer feeling so confident that explaining about Mark was a good idea, at least not everything that happened in between, anyway.
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When they got out and into the street, yellow, green, red and brown leaves received them. Its circular motion, they flying away, coming their direction, dropping to the ground. Typical image of Autumn afternoons.
She liked Autumn, the fallen leaves on the floor, they stepping over them following its correspondent path, crunching beneath their feet.
Cold air wriggled in between her neck and the tiny hole her scarf made, shivers curling in her spine, tinting her cheeks pink.
Shifting toward her mom, seeking warmth, she laced their arms together.
Non-spoken words understood, just with a look, Kate knew Lily was no longer comfortable in there, so making a move, breakfast already paid, she stood up and began putting her coat and scarf.
Looking sideways, knowing that her daughter was entirely grateful at her for not saying anything, for leaving her space, waiting for her.
Always waiting for her.
With the chilly breeze, few little drops of rain startled them, hurrying their pace to get home.
Grey clouds threatening to leave them wet any moment, Lily adjusted her beanie with her free hand.
Kate heard a faint sigh, followed by soft words:
−On top of that… I fell in love. –
Risking a peek to her mom's face, instead of her returning the look, she felt her mom tightening her arm against her own jacket, heartening her decision to let her talk, to make her feel free to explain whatever she wanted to, that she was not being pushed.
And Lily loved that.
She passed her arm around Kate's body, hugging her side-way and walking all along.
Feeling comforted.
Loved.
Supported.
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TBC
Sorry for any mistakes, I've reviewed it a few times, but maybe some of them are there.
Anna.