Advice of the week:
Don't let potential embarrassment be the reason you don't help someone. Help is always appreciated, even if it isn't needed.
Enjoy ; )
Paul
I was shoveling crap. It seemed that these days all I did was shovel crap; I'd grown accustomed to the smell. I would always remember the first time we met as me shoveling crap.
I was almost finished with cleaning out the last stall, the horse junk was all in one big pile, I heard someone walk in but I figured it was Mr. Martin.
"Hey there." the girl drawled. I turned around a little too quickly and slipped in horse crap. I stumbled and landed smack dab in the middle of the pile I'd been forming. Only my upper half was covered; from my stomach to the top of my head was coated. The smell was intense and I gagged a little. "Oh my stars, I am so sorry. Here let me help you."
"Please, I don't want you to get dirty." I hadn't even gotten the chance to see who I was talking to; I wiped the poop out off my face and walked over to the hose. I started to strip taking off my boots and shirt; I started to wash my torso. I could hear the girl walking away. "Stop! Hey, Sorry."
"Alright." I could tell that she was trying to hold back her drawl now, and I felt her eyes roaming over my body. I washed quickly not knowing whom it was watching me. I managed to get most, if not all of the horse crap off myself. I could not smell too pleasant; why hadn't my werewolf reflexes kicked in? How could I manage to be so uncoordinated? Jacob and Sam were so coordinated all the time while I managed to walk around and run into things like a new pup. I turned around to face the girl. She was beautiful; the kind of beautiful that wasn't intimidating, rather the kind of beauty that you could stare at forever. She was tall for a girl and had straight dark blonde hair. Her eyes were an interesting color but I couldn't say exactly what color from where I was standing. I couldn't tear my gaze from her. I realized that I was being rude and should speak but words didn't come easily.
"Hi. I'm Paul. I would shake your hand, but…" I could feel myself blush and she let out a musical laugh.
"It's alright. You must be the new ranch hand. I'm Lila, Kris' niece." When she smiled at me then I felt my heart stop; I couldn't breathe I tried to mask it by looking down. I finally inhaled and my pulse was fast. Crazy.
"Oh, so you are her beautiful? I MEAN her niece?" what was wrong with me? "That's cool." I added lamely. I was starting to feel my familiar body-ripping-apart sensation; I tensed and tried to calm myself and quell my embarrassment.
"Yeah, are you aright?" she touched my arm. Her hand lingered and the sensation calmed me. She was very close now and I could finally see her eyes. One was a pure blue color and the other was brown with a splash of blue; they were the kind of eyes I could stare into forever. I wasn't sure how long we stood there; me starting at Lila and Lila holding my arm. It felt too natural and too good to want to break. Societal norms eventually kicked in and she realized she was still touching me. "Oh, sorry."
"No, it's… great." Great? Really? Why didn't I just say: your touch makes me lightheaded and feel amazing? I would imagine that to feel just as awkward; maybe a bit more honest.
"Sure." she bit her lower lip and seemed terribly worried. "Are you running a fever?"
"What? No." everyone asked me that, at least once a day. How would I respond to that: I'm fine. I am a werewolf, but other than that I'm fine. I could almost see her frightened eyes and watch this amazing girl run out of my life. And I barely knew her.
"Paul? Right? Are you sure you are ok? Sometimes when I run a fever I don't think I am and then end up in the ER." She laughed nervously. I watched her gaze fall from my eyes to my bare chest. Her gaze lingered and I would have felt uncomfortable but I was in such good shape.
"I'm really fine; I just have a higher temperature than most." It sounded so rote after I said it, I was sounding less and less convincing. She eyed me suspicious but having Lila just looking at me felt amazing. It was like basking in the sun after a particularly hard winter.
"I see." She jumped a little and looked down at her watch. "Oh dang. I really should get going."
"Oh." My stomach sank and I was pretty sure my face drained of color. I wanted her to stay so badly but it wasn't like my job was fun. "You don't want to stay here and shovel horse crap with me?"
"I would love to stay here, and watch you work." She had a wry smile and a particular glint in her eyes. "I need to go run Jezebel around. She was just a filly when I was here last."
"A filly?" I wasn't good with horse stuff; manual labor I could do but the terms were still new.
"What? That is most certainly not a southern term!" she was saying this more to herself than to me. I continued to watch her expression change from exasperation to embarrassment. "It means a female baby horse."
"Thanks, I really need to learn this stuff." She brightened at my ignorance.
"I could always teach you!" she smiled at me and I nodded.
"Thanks I would love that." There I'd said the L word again. What was wrong with me? I was acting like an idiot, I was kind of acting like Jacob before the bloodsucker-lover left.
"Well, alright. I'll see you around, Paul." The way she said my name was incredible. Paul, Paul, Paul. I could listen to that sound forever. Instead I watched her walk away. There was something in the way she moved; she had an energy and flow to her movement. It was so entrancing to watch her.
"What are you doing?! Get back to work!" Mr. Martin barked. I had to remind myself that the cranky old man was my boss and the sole reason why this farm had succeeded for so many years. I took a deep breath and got back to work. If this had been any other day I would have had to calm myself by Lila's presence had a power over me. Even working with horse crap my work seemed easier and almost fun now.
Work passed faster now as I let my mind wander, the main focus of my thoughts were on Lila. I didn't really have a choice, every time I closed my eyes I saw her angel face. I started to day dream while washing down Old Mally one of the fathering horses. I was tracing the curves of the old horse.
"Hey!" I had just been daydreaming about Lila when Maria's youngest son came running up. "Hey, man."
"Uh, hi." I was feeling shy and continued working.
"So, you met Lila?" he was prying and seemed a little too eager to hear my answer.
"Yeah." I couldn't remember this kid's name, I remembered Pedro because he was the guy in charge of paying me. The other kid was José; I knew that because he and I had gone to school together. We weren't friends, he was shy and I had the pack.
"She's hot right?" he took a step closer. What a stupid question to ask me. She was beautiful, yes. I turn around and 'accidentally' sprayed him with the hose.
"Hey man! Watch it!" I'd managed to soak his pants.
"Oh, sorry." I tried not to laugh as the little guy walked off sulking. He jogged in toward the house; I felt a little sorry for him. He was just trying to be friendly; I just didn't want people talking about Lila in that way. I went back to hosing down Old Mally. I felt someone watching me. I looked up and saw Lila from the window, she was laughing.
Lila
He was…something. I believe the proper term is 'well built'. But I had promised myself that I wouldn't date anyone over the summer. I didn't want a summer fling. I had made that decision three years ago, the last time I had spent the summer with my aunt. Jo and I were both sixteen at the time. We had both spent about every summer together since we both could remember. Tensions had been building for the last few years since we'd both hit puberty. This summer was special. I thought back to one especially warm night; it was a night of possibilities. Jo and I were lying out in the middle of the pasture and we were exhausted. It had been a long hard day of work and I could feel a bad sunburn on my back. We were both looking up at the night sky; the pattern of stars were different in Washington than it was in Tennessee.
"Oy. I don't think I could move even if I wanted to. How are you holding up, Jo?" I looked over at my old summer friend. He had been staring at me intensely. "Oh."
"Li, have you ever thought of just, staying?" he seemed a little embarrassed at asking the question. I pulled myself up on one elbow in order to face him.
"I don't think I could live so far away from my family and friends." I saw a pained expression cross his face. "My other friends and my other family."
"Whatever. Do you miss me, I mean, us?" he was still lying on his back starting up at the clear night sky.
"Of course! How could you even ask me that?" I grabbed his hand and watched the shock on his face. He seemed pleased but also embarrassed. "Jo, I miss you everyday I'm gone."
"I don't know." He said quietly. Jo took my hand and kissed it. I tried to hide the surprise crossing my face. He let go of my hand and sat up. "Please stay, Lila. I don't want you to go."
"You don't know how much I wish I could. Maybe you could visit me?" I asked hopefully. "It could work out, Jo. We can talk everyday and I'll try to fly down-"
"No. No, Lila. You know I can't afford to fly to Tennessee." He said this quietly and seemed embarrassed again. He was looking away from me and I almost couldn't stand the way this felt. It was painful having to say goodbye.
"We still have a week, can we enjoy that time?" I was feeling frustrated. It had taken sixteen years of friendship and love to get Jo to be so open with me. We had spent the entire summer together working the farm and falling in love. We held hands and spent evenings together just staying up all night and talking, but we hadn't kissed. I didn't want to push him, but our time together was running out.
"Yeah Lila. We still have a week." I sat up and Jo put his arm around me; it felt so good being with him. He smelled like cinnamon and grass from helping his mom cook and working with me in the pasture. I cuddled closer to him and I heard him sigh. I put my head against his chest. It was surprised to hear his quick heartbeats; he must have been nervous. Now I wasn't exactly sure how to react.
"Are you feeling alright?" I pulled back a little to look at his familiar face; his eyes seemed hooded and filled with emotion. It was almost hard to stare into them.
"Better than ever." His smile was strange; it wasn't the embarrassed slight smile he usually displayed. This was more forced; I could tell that he was almost completely lost in his thoughts. I wasn't sure if this would be the moment. Was he going to kiss me? I could tell that he was thinking about it; he kept looking down at my lips.
"Lila? May I kiss you?" he asked in his quiet way. I couldn't speak so I nodded. He bent in and stopped very close to my face. He took a quick glance into my eyes to double check that this really was ok. Then he pressed his lips to mine. It was a soft and sweet kiss; I could tell that this must have been his first one. With that I was flattered. There really wasn't much there; I didn't know at the time if it was because we were better as friends or if I just didn't want him in that way. It wasn't unpleasant and I was happy; but it was average. I'd only kissed two other boys in my life, boys with less history, boys I didn't really care about. Jo wasn't in the same category, weren't childhood sweethearts the best kind of love? Maybe kissing was just supposed to feel like this?
"Lila! Hellooo?!" Poco broke my reminiscing and brought me back to the present.
"Oof. Howdy." I rubbed my eyes in an attempt to focus.
"Did you see what happened? Did you see what Paul did?" he was trying to get me on his side but I wasn't buying it. I knew Poco better than that, I had seen and heard what he said.
"Yes I did, and if I'd been Paul I would have sprayed you too!" I gave him a playful punch and Poco sulked a little.
"I don't think I like him." He said defiantly and stuck his nose in the air. I had to laugh at the silly boy. I was glad that time really hadn't changed Poco much.
"Well I like him. He seems nice." I added and Poco made a face and stormed off. Paul was, well, a thing of beauty. I shivered at the memory of his perfectly sculpted abdomen and chest. His face was chiseled with perfect pronounced Native American high cheek bones. His skin was a lush deep brown color that reflected not only his heritage but the time he spent in what little sun Washington had to offer. There was a spark there. I wanted to see if that spark could turn into fire. I stood up and went down to the kitchen.
"Oof!" I ran smack into Jo. He seemed more surprised to see me than I was in seeing him. "Hey Jo."
"I don't really go by that name anymore. People usually just call me José." He said quietly, I felt a sinking feeling. Things had really changed in the three years I'd been away. When I wasn't looking José turned into a very serious man.
"Sorry, but I'm very stuck in my ways when it comes to names." I said with my usual good humor. If this had been three years ago he would have at least smirked at me. Instead he just shrugged and kept walking. I felt guilty watching his walk away. "Hey, Jo- José. It's really good to see you. Believe it or not, I missed you."
"Thanks, Lila." He turned around briefly and even if he didn't say it, his expression spoke for him.
Even with everything that was going on with the farm and Jo; I couldn't stop playing my first encounter with Paul over in my head. Paul didn't come to dinner like I'd hoped, when I asked after him Poco answered 'He has a family, he doesn't need ours'. Even Jo gave me a strange look. I responded with 'Just trying to be friendly, sue me.'; the boys seemed in sour moods. I decided to go to my favorite spot for star gazing on the farm. The night was colder than I was expecting so I grabbed an extra blanket. I walked through the pasture, I noticed something in the grass. I approached cautiously incase it was a coyote or something. As I got closer I saw that it was a boy.
"Hello?" I asked carefully. The boy turned and I could see that it was Paul. "Oh."
"Hi." He breathed. He had his hands behind his head and I noticed the muscles of his arm. I couldn't help noticing that he was not wearing a shit and I couldn't stop starting. I realized that he had said something to me.
"Ah, I brought a blanket. May I join you?" he nodded. He seemed pleased and his eyes had a sparkle to them. I suddenly felt self-conscious in my short white dress. I sat down on the blanket next to Paul. He was watching me intensely and I brought my knees to my chest. He was so good looking. The silence seemed a little awkward. "This is my favorite spot."
"Mmm." Was his only response. I nodded awkwardly he was still watching me.
"Paul? Didn't your momma teach you not to stare?" I asked playfully. An embarrassed grin took hold of his features.
"She didn't tell me how hard it was to look away from the beautiful ones." I laughed. Beautiful? No, if anything I was strange looking. I was too tall for a girl and my eyes were so bizarre. One was a pleasant blue and the other was brown with a weird spot of blue. It made me a freak.
"Thanks, but let me know when you see one." I said jokingly.
"Would you believe that I am staring at the only one worth looking at?" he replied, just then I was thankful for the darkness hiding my blush. I realized how close we were sitting then. The hairs on my arm were brushing the hairs on his arm and the simple sensation was enough to set my skin aflame. I became painfully aware of my hands I wanted him to hold it. The conversation flowed easily after that; Paul was very interesting.
"I'm sorry but Mr. Martin is not a sweet old man!" Paul laughed. I sent a mock glare in his direction.
"And you are not a sweet boy!" I returned. Paul made a face and I cupped my hand around his handsome face. I became aware of the intimate gesture after I'd done it. "Oh, geez. That was awkward, I won't awkwardly touch your face again I promise."
"No no no, please. You have my full permission to touch awkwardly or not anytime you want." He replied, I laughed a little.
"I might take you up on that offer." He grinned at me wolfishly. I bit my lower lip. Just then I felt my cell phone vibrate, I'd been sitting on it. I looked down at the number, it was my aunt. She must have been worried, it was close to 2am. "It's late. I'd better go."
"Only if you must." Paul replied. He didn't budge instead he watched me gather my things.
"Aren't you going to go home?" I asked, it was 2am.
"Maybe, maybe not. A night under the stars might do me some good. It has been a long day." He yawned but it sounded more like a growl. "Will I see you tomorrow?"
"Probably." I shrugged. "We should have our first lesson." As I walked away I felt Paul's eyes on me and I liked it. I was going to have fun the summer.