I woke up in bed a few hours later, and when I tried to roll over, I realized that I couldn't because I had a strong arm wrapped tightly around my waist. It took me a moment to remember what day and time it was, since the sun was high in the sky. I wasn't used to seeing that when I wake up. I placed my hand over the one that was on my stomach and rubbed the back of it with my fingertips.

"Good afternoon, slut." I was slightly startled by his sleep-laden voice rumbling in my ear. I turned my head to be greeted by a kiss on my cheek.

"I'm no more of a slut than you, asshole."

"I never said I wasn't one. So did you have fun last night?" He bit my shoulder gently, sending a shiver through my arm.

"That is a stupid question, sir. Of course I had a good time. You don't know how badly I needed that release after the week I had."

"Yeah, a nice deep dicking is one of the best cures for stress."

I realized that he had loosened his arm around my waist, so I rolled over onto my back. "You could be on to something. Have you thought about doing a scientific study of that?"

"I suppose you could say I've been doing a study of that since the day my dick first blessed all of womankind." I grabbed my pillow from underneath my head and smacked him in the face with it.

"So I did good then?" he asked once he had fought the pillow away from me.

"Absolutely. Thank you for helping my sexy fantasy come true. Oh, and the suits? Good lord."

"I was hoping you'd like that," he grinned.

"Like? I loved it. I could almost feel my heartbeat between my legs." I brushed some of his hair away from his forehead. "How about you? Are you doing okay after last night?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be? What, do you think that seeing another guy's cock freaked me out or something? I shower with other dudes all the time."

"As hot as that sounds, I'm being serious. You seemed a bit off near the end, but maybe it was just me."

"Nah, I'm fine. I just like seeing you happy."

He laced his fingers through my own and brought my hand up to his mouth. His lips felt soft and warm against my skin, and the sweet intimacy of the gesture made me blush. He stared into my eyes for a moment, the smile on his face making him look quite boyish. He suddenly released my hand and pushed himself up and over me so that I found myself in a position I had been in many times before. However this time, the look on his face didn't suggest that he wanted sex.

"Lana, I..." He paused for a beat. He looked quite serious and I noticed that his jaw muscles clenched. "...I think you should go make us some pancakes."

"Oh I see. Butter me up so that I go make food for you." I playfully pushed his chest and he started to laugh. "Why can't you make them?"

"They're so much tastier when you make them. Pleeeeaase?" He flashed me a big, cheesy grin so I couldn't help but cave.

He stayed in bed the whole time while I made the pancakes. I thought it a bit weird that he didn't end up coming out with me. I kinda expected him to linger around me so that he could steal pieces of bacon when I wasn't looking. When I returned to him with the food, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, slightly hunched over.

"My special cinna-licious pancakes, with a whipped cream smiley face and bacon ears for good measure!"

I tried to sound chipper and pretended to ignore the fact that something was clearly bothering him. In all honesty, I would've asked, but as soon as he heard me, his back straightened and he turned around, a soft smile on his face.

We ate breakfast...well I guess it was technically lunch, given the time...in bed and shared sparse conversation while casually watching a movie on TV. The rest of the afternoon went along in a similar fashion. We stayed in bed together all day, but not in the manner that we normally did. He was very touchy-feely, yet he felt very distant. I tried to initiate sex twice, but both times he brushed me off. I can't say that it didn't bother me. It did. It felt like I was being rejected. Still, I understood. He can't be on all the time.

I tried asking him if he was feeling alright a few times, but he told me that he was fine and to drop it. I felt like I was making him more upset each time I asked, so after the third time, I decided that it was best to let him tell me what was bothering him when he was ready. Assuming he'd tell me at all.

Our goodbye was just as uncomfortable, but in a different way. He stared at me without saying anything for at least thirty seconds. Like a dummy, I just stood there silently, feeling awkward. He put his hands on my cheeks and I closed my eyes, thinking he was going to go in for a kiss. Instead, he patted my face saying, "Okay, gotta run, sweetcheeks."

I don't know what the hell happened between waking up and him leaving, but something was on his mind that he wasn't telling me and it made me worried.

"Lana? Lana, are you awake there, sweetheart?"

"What? Oh, sorry Larry. Do you need another refill?"

"No, you just gave me one two minutes ago."

"I did? Oh..." My brow furrowed as I realized that, although it was near closing time, I couldn't remember anything that had happened all night.

"Are you okay? You haven't quite seemed yourself these past few days. You've felt distant, like something's on your mind." Larry took a sip of his beer and placed the glass back down, wiping the foam from his mouth.

"Ahh...I don't know. I've felt a bit off lately, I think. Like since I took that trip to Tampa."

"I thought you said you enjoyed that?"

"I did...it just also brought up some things."

"You gotta be more specific here."

"I kinda felt jealous when I watched Jon with another woman.

"That's not uncommon. It can be hard to see your partner with someone else. It's not for everyone."

"I know that, but I never felt jealous when he'd tell me about being with other women. Is seeing really that different? And I can't be certain, but I get the feeling that he was getting kind of jealous of David on Thursday. He acted a bit strange the morning after we...um..." Larry raised his eyebrows at me. I had forgotten that neither Dave nor I hadn't mentioned our extracurricular activity in passing conversation. "We, uh...may or may not have had a threesome together."

Larry laughed at me and stroked his beard. "Lana, there's no need to pretend to be bashful. Whatever you kids did, I can assure you that I did far worse in the 60s."

"What's frustrating me is why should I be feeling jealous in a casual relationship? I feel petty and pathetic. I hate it."

"Maybe your relationship is not as casual as you think. Maybe you're in love, girlie girl."

I audibly groaned and rolled my eyes. "I'm not in love with anyone. Love is a dying concept that is being kept on life-support by candy and greeting card companies, shitty romance novels, and the chunk of Hollywood that thrives on lonely, gullible women who cling to the notion that some man will suddenly appear in their lives and make it interesting."

"Isn't that what happened to you?" he replied before taking another sip.

I glared at him through the bottom of his glass. I could feel my pulse quickening.

"Fine. Answer me this, though," he quipped once he saw the frustration in my eyes. "If you could be anywhere else right now, where would that be?"

"Lying next to Jon, cuddled up in his arms while staring at his stupid face."

"Mmhmm..." Larry gave me a look and crossed his arms. "Now does that sound like the kind of thing you'd say about a 'just a friend'?"

"Dammit," I groaned.

"Okay look, forget the word love. Think of it this way. Does he make you happy? Are you at your happiest when you're with him? It doesn't have to be all hearts and chocolates and roses. The sort of love that you scoff at, the kind you see in romantic comedies, that's just one interpretation of what love is. You've been in love before-" he put his hand up to stop me when I tried to protest- "don't you dare try to say you haven't been because you were working here while you were still married and I saw how you acted when Scott would stop by sometimes. The look in your eyes was of a young woman completely smitten."

"Yeah well, I'm older, smarter, and more cynical now, Larry."

"Clearly. I get why, sweetheart, divorce is generally not considered a fun activity. I've been through it twice. I decided to give up marriage, but I have never given up on the idea of love. You have to define it as how it makes YOU feel. No one else can tell you how being in love is supposed to feel because it's subjective."

"So I shouldn't be listening to you right now, old man?"

"You shouldn't be investing too much in my particular interpretation of what love is, but what I'm trying to get you to do is reflect inward. I want you to take a couple of days and think about how he makes you feel when you're with him. When you talk on the phone. The feeling you get when he first shows up and the feeling you get when you watch him leave. Really think about that, Lana."

"And what am I supposed to do after that?"

"If you take the time to think about it and you still come to the same conclusion you've thrown at us for months, I'll accept it. But if you decide that he's what makes you happiest in this fucked up world, well sweetheart, you'd better let that man know. It could be a major turning point in your relationship."

He picked up his pint and chugged the rest of it, gasping when he slammed down the empty glass. "That made me thirsty. If you don't mind pouring me a glass of water to suck down first, I'm going to call it a night."

I handed him a glass of water and watched him as he drank it down quickly.

"Do I need to call you a cab?" I asked.

"No, thank you. I'm actually walking tonight. I've been seeing this woman for a few months and she lives a few blocks from here. She's a nurse who works nights, so I've been visiting her after the bar closes. It's been working quite well so far."

"So is that why you've been cutting back on drinks?"

He nodded as he placed a twenty dollar tip on the bar. He smiled and slowly headed toward the door while he threw his jacket over his shoulder.

"So are you in love with her?" I called out.

"I've been thinking about it." He winked at me as he left, the door snapping shut behind him.

"Hey Dave?"

"Yeah El?"

"I think this should be the last time that we do this. I talked to Larry a few days ago and I've been thinking since then. I've realized that I do in fact love Jon, so...you know...it's probably safer if I become monogamous."

"Yeah sure, El. It's about time you finally came to that conclusion. One thing though?"

"Shoot."

"Did you really think it was a good idea to tell me this while you're riding my cock?"

"Hmm. Yeah, I probably should've thought about the timing."

I was terrified about the prospect of confessing these feelings. Jon was Mr. I-Don't-Do-Relationships. I wasn't quite sure how he was going to take this. Was he going to be happy because he feels the same way? Was he going to break up with me on the spot because he didn't sign up for this to lead to something serious? Or perhaps worst of all, would he not say anything and let our relationship continue with me loving him and him just going through the motions? I couldn't be sure of the outcome, but I knew I needed to do this. Larry was right. This could be a major turning point in our relationship, for better or for worse.

I wanted to do it as soon as possible, but I had remembered that Jon had texted me the morning after he went back to work that he was going on a two-week tour of Europe. I wasn't about to text him that I loved him and a phone call wouldn't feel right. This was an in-person kind of talk.

So I decided that I was going to surprise him by visiting him on the road. I looked up the WWE road schedule for once they returned to the states and saw that they had a Smackdown taping shortly after that was about five hours from me. It would be a long drive, but it was worth it to me. We'd have the whole night to mess around afterward and if things went well enough, I might be able to convince him to skip the plane home and drive back with me.

I finagled my schedule around so that I didn't have to work that Tuesday. I packed a small bag and brought a trenchcoat that had been given to me by my parents years ago but I never really wore. For this, however, it would be very important. I stopped at Frederick's of Hollywood along the way and bought some bonkers lingerie and wore it directly under the trenchcoat. That way I could give him two surprises.

When I neared the hotel that the roster was staying at, I felt my face start to flush and mouth become dry. I was nervous as hell, but also strangely aroused. I suspect it had something to do with all of the naughty thoughts I'd had running through my head the last fifty miles.

I found a parking garage nearby and prepaid the flat overnight rate so that I wouldn't have to worry about it later. The walk from the garage to the hotel was almost intoxicating. The cool air billowing through the bottom of my coat and the knowledge that I was barely wearing anything underneath gave my freshly shaven legs goosebumps.

I walked into the hotel lobby and only then realized the biggest flaw in my plan. I had no idea which room Jon was in and the receptionist was definitely not going to give that information away to a sketchy looking woman who just walked in. I heard a ruckus going on in the hotel bar and I thought I heard Seth's voice cackling loudly. I decided to take a peek inside to see if Jon was in there as well.

The roster had definitely taken over the small bar, but I couldn't seem to find Jon in the mess of people. I tried to sneak up to Roman, who seemed to be the more sober of the two boys, to ask him where I could find Jon, but Seth saw me first.

"LANA?!" he shouted as he stumbled toward me. He grabbed me in a tight hug and lifted me off the ground. "What the hell are you doing here? Did Asshole fly you out again?"

"No, I drove out here to surprise him. Where is that asshole anyway?"

"He actually went up to his room not too long ago. He bought a round for everyone, threw his back and then called it a night. He has looked pretty tired. He really stepped up his game on the Europe tour, but I think it took a lot out of him."

"You think he wouldn't mind if I stopped by his room to say hi? I have something important to tell him. Also, I want him to see my, uh...new outfit."

"You wearing anything under that coat?" Roman came up behind Seth and put him in a loose headlock.

My face started to flush and I tried to suppress my smile.

"You naughty girl," Roman laughed.

"I'm not naked, but I am wearing some cheeky panties that show off my ass and a black corset that makes my tits look awesome, so I kinda want to get someone to see it tonight, you know?"

"I voluntee-aack!" Seth's drunkenly gleeful comment was cut off by Roman tightening his hold.

"He's in room 602, Lana. Go do your thing, and we'll all be down here for a while, so feel free to be as loud as you want." Roman's perverted smile made me blush ever harder.

I left the hotel bar with a big stupid grin on my face. My stomach started to clench when I stepped into the elevator. This was it. I had closed myself off to the idea of being in love, but somehow this jerk had wormed his way into my heart and the only thing I could do now was tell him and hope for the best.

The walk down the hall to his door was the longest twelve seconds of my life. My heart was pounding and my saliva felt thick in my mouth. I stopped in front of room 602 and took a deep breath before knocking on the door. I waited for a moment before I heard his voice mumbling on the other side.

"Seth, I swear to fucking god, if you're here to ask me to snuggle the answer is no. Touchy-feely drunk bastard."

The door finally opened a few inches and I saw his eyes squint at the bright light, then slowly open as he realized what he was looking at. I also noticed that he was only wearing boxers and they were looking quite, shall I say, perky.

"Lana? What are you doing here? How did you know where I was?"

"It's not hard to find which hotel you guys are staying in and I saw Seth and Roman in the bar downstairs. They told me which room you were in. I thought it would be fun to surprise you and there's something important I need to tell you, too."

"Look, Lana, this is a really bad time..."

"I know, Seth said you were exhausted and I know you need to get some sleep, but," I unbuttoned my trenchcoat and opened it for him to get a quick look, "I thought you might want to get some of this first."

A smile slowly crossed his face and his tongue peeked out of the corner of his mouth.

"But before that, I drove five hours here to tell you that I-"

"Dean, I'm so fucking horny that I'm in pain. I need your dick in me now, so either send them away or invite them in already."

My face dropped upon hearing some strange woman's voice coming from his room. I quickly fished my phone out of my coat to check if he'd sent me a text about it and I had been too busy to check. There was nothing.

"What the fuck is going on?" I asked, holding out my phone to show the lack of text message alert.

"I'd say it's fairly obvious. She's a hot-ass chick who sucks dick like a vacuum and...well you heard the rest."

He might as well have kneed me in the stomach the way my body felt at that moment. I hurt all over.

"Why? If you'd texted me, I would've accepted it, but this wasn't part of our agreement. Why are you acting like this? Wait...have you done this before? How many times have you fucked someone without telling me first?"

"I can't remember specific numbers. So...threesome. You in? I mean, you're already dressed for it." He bit the tip of his thumb and casually looked me over again.

It felt like time froze while I stood there gawking at him, trying to wrap my brain around all of this. "You are unbelievable. To think that I... No...fuck this. I can't do this anymore, Jon." I turned to walk away, but he stepped out of the doorway and grabbed my arm.

"Can't do what? Is this like a break-up or something?"

"This, Jon," I answered, gesturing to the inside of the room. "I can't do this. And it can't be a break-up if it was never a really a relationship. I'm such a fucking idiot..."

I yanked my arm away from him and started to walk away. After a few steps, I stopped and turned back to face him.

"I came here tonight to tell you that I loved you and that I wanted to be exclusive, to make this a serious thing. I told Dave that we needed to go back to a platonic relationship. I don't want to settle for being a person of convenience to you any more. If I can't have all of you...then I can't have any of you." I turned around once again and took off my trenchcoat, folding it under my arm. I knew that it was a risk to walk around in lingerie in public, but I wanted to try to make him take a last look. I'd throw my coat back on in the elevator.

"Lana, wait."

I raised my free arm above my head and flipped him off without looking behind me. Thankfully, the elevator was still on the sixth floor so I didn't have to wait for it and possibly change my mind.

When I reached the ground floor, Seth, Roman, and some of the other wrestlers were standing in the lobby and flirting with some of the staff. Roman noticed me stepping out of the elevator and for a brief moment, we made eye contact. He waved at me and looked like he was about to approach me, but I walked toward the exit with purpose, knowing that if I stopped to talk to him, I'd probably start crying and I would hate myself for it.

Remember how I said that the walk down the hallway was the longest I'd ever experienced? Well forget that. The walk back to my car was the longest walk. Once I was istrapped in, I took a deep breath before starting the ignition. Five hours alone with my thoughts did not sound like something I wanted to do, but I wasn't about to stay here any longer.

I made better time on the trip home because I tend to go at about 90 miles per hour when I drive angry. I used the 90s angry white chick music and metal on my mp3 player to my advantage, you can trust me on that. My blood felt like it was boiling. I was angry at Jon, but I was furious at myself. I let myself fall in love with someone despite my better judgement and it fucked me over yet again. Stupid, stupid, stupid...

The only consolation I had was that I wasn't crying. I was stronger than that. At least that's what I thought, until a fucking Adele song came on my mp3 player. I figured I would be fine. I was not.

I didn't even feel explicitly sad when the tears started. I was still quite pissed off, actually. I just remember feeling a tingling in my nose and my eyes began to water. For a few minutes, I wept in silence, the occasional sniffle breaking up the stretches of quiet.

My mind began to wander back to a few hours ago. The look on his face. The tone of his voice. The image I created in my head of what his random conquest looked like. The sounds he must've made while he fucked her. The different positions he pulled her into. His name rolling off of her lips. The fact that he could do all of this and not care once about how it might make me feel. He must've become bored with me, just like...

Fuck. Now I was sobbing. Fucking Adele. I was handling this fine until she started setting fire to things and now...

The last leg of the drive home was torture. I had to breathe through my mouth since my nose was so stuffed and I had a pounding headache to boot. The actual tears came and went. I gave up on resenting myself for feeling vulnerable and needy and just let it happen.

So when I approached my apartment, I just drove past it. It was around 6:30 am so I knew he wouldn't be thrilled to see me, but I needed this. I pulled up to the curb in front of Dave's apartment complex, slowly made my way to his door and banged on it. I had calmed myself down enough where I could speak. He answered the door and his face showed his surprise to see me standing there. However, unlike the other man in my life, Dave's face quickly softened to a look of concern and sympathy.

"Please...hold me," I pleaded as I burst into tears once again, burying my face in his chest.

This chapter is brought to you by lots of Adele's "Set Fire to the Rain".