It Never Seems
I've simply realized I made a mistake last chapter. I don't know why, but I was confused with the order and named last chapter, chapter four instead of three. I will fix that and this is the real chapter four. Lol. I hope everyone likes this and I'm terribly sorry again with the delay. Personal messages to who review will be coming soon for the next chapter. Enjoy!
CAli
Ch. 4 – The Stubbornness
October 30, 2008 – The East Coast
The knocking was very consistent. By the time Haley left the room and emerged in the hallway, the knocking increased in that annoying-fast pace knock that had no breaks in the pattern. When Haley reached the kitchen door, where the knocking source was coming from, she had her infamous glare on display.
She yanked the door open and her eyes narrowed in intensity, making her glare sharper.
"Hi, Haley," Lucas said as he leaned against the door frame. "Are you still mad?"
She continued to glare.
"Hales, it's been a week! You can't be mad forever and you can't keep Jamie from me. I bet he's annoying you about where his Uncle Luke is."
She was consistent with the glare.
"You can't be stubborn forever."
She slammed the door in his face and ignored the knocking.
"Jamie will call the cops!" Lucas said, yelling through the door. "You know he will. He loves his Uncle Luke!"
"Watch me," Haley muttered as she walked back to the living room to finish folding the laundry.
She might've agreed in the heat of the moment last week about American Idol but the more she thought about it, the more she convinced herself she couldn't do it. So she scrapped up whatever money she needed to pay Lucas back for the audition fee. When he refused, her anger got the best of her. She flipped and left the money anyway.
During her storm out, she figured she had no choice but to do the audition. But Lucas didn't need to know that and she wanted to put him through hell. Especially when Jamie came running into the living room saying that money was dropped inside the mail slip on the door and asked if he could keep the $250.
"Finders keepers, right momma?"
Damn asshole, Haley thought. So her revenge was to completely ignore Lucas until the audition. Jamie could keep asking questions. She was a master at dodging the answers.
October 30, 2008 – The Northwest
Nathan's face was sweaty, almost to the point where his vision was starting to blur because of the droplets. But he still kept going. His muscles strained as he pushed up then let the bar come down in a controlled pace. He was in the team weight room and has spent the last hour lifting weights. Just weights, no cardio and no water breaks. He felt this extreme need to bulk up.
He had to be stronger to take down Dante.
No, this wasn't his liberation. He didn't have enough of this hell and wasn't going to rebel against the monster and go back to his family and spend the rest of his life asking for forgiveness from his wife. He was a coward in that sense, and he always would be.
But he had to be stronger in case Dante decided to take out a hit on him or even worse, one of his teammates. Nathan wasn't afraid to admit that working this long for Dante had him paranoid. He needed to be stronger to out-power Dante's goons. So if overexerting himself was the way to prepare than he would do it all day, every day.
He was by himself and thirty minutes before he added an extra 50 pounds on the bar. He was bench-pressing 250 pounds and laid down horizontal. His trainers and coaches would absolutely disapprove if they found out he was doing this without a spotter. Something that heavy and the rate he was going with no breaks for water was just a recipe for disaster.
But he continued. He did his reps with anger thoughts. His voice screaming in his mind the numbers along with every discouraging name he could think of. He was a coward, after all. His water ball sat still beside the bench but wasn't touched in two hours. The ice inside probably crystallized and the water was warm. His lips were dry to the point that licking them didn't help. His body vaguely yelled at him to get some hydration in his system. His muscles strained in pain.
He ignored all the signs his body told him and kept going. He counted eight in his head when he pushed the weight off his chest and when he lowered his arms his right buckled. The bar was halfway down when it crashed down on his chest. The impact took his breath away and gasped several times before he tried to lift the weight off.
Nathan took a deep breath and held it which bubbled his face with red as he tried with all his might to lift the weight off. He groaned and even tried to flay his legs before they planted firm on the ground and he pushed off, but his arms wouldn't budge. The weight pinned his chest and he thought maybe this was the end.
How an ironic way to die; lifting weights while training for the very same sport that he loved and in return, ruined his life. He thought of suicide every day but could never bring himself to do it, but here was God obliging his wish. An accidental death; he smirked when he gave up. God sometimes had a great sense of humor.
He closed his eyes and immediately memories of Haley came to mind. Every night, before he met Dante, they would cuddle in bed before they passed out and talked about their future with their son. They fantasized how he would look; Nathan's eyes, Haley's chestnut hair, his athleticism and her kindness and personality. They talked about names, who the godparents should be and most importantly, what kind of parents they would be. Nathan vowed he would never be like his father, that he would encourage his son to be whatever he wanted and try his hardest in everything he did and most importantly, he would tuck in his son every night and tell him he loved him. He would look into his wife's eyes and felt his love swell deeper when she looked at him and he knew she would be the best mother in the world. She would love their son, cherish him, protect him, encourage him, and teach him everything about being a kind human being in this mean world.
His last dying wish was that he could meet his son and tell him he loved him.
Then he could breathe.
Nathan opened his eyes. He was shocked that he could breathe. He was supposed to die! When his vision cleared, he saw two hands lift the bar and set it back on the handle. Then the guy's face appeared above him. Anger boiled all over Nathan once he found out who was his savior was.
"What the hell are you doing?" Nathan said as he sat up.
"What the hell are you doing?" Tony said as he looked at him in disbelief and concern.
"Working out."
"Bench-pressing 250 pounds without a spotter? What the hell is wrong with you, you almost died."
"I had it. What are you doing here?"
"I got word you haven't left yet. Everyone's been gone for two hours. Man, good thing I decided to check on you."
"You need to stop stalking me," Nathan said as he grabbed a towel from Tony and took huge gulps of his warm water. He walked past Tony. "I mean it, leave me alone."
"Keith. Keith, come on, man! You can't be stubborn forever."
"Watch me," Nathan muttered as he headed straight for the door.
November 1, 2008 – The East Coast
"Momma? I don't feel so good." Jamie said, moaning as he held his stomach with puppy dog eyes.
Haley really wanted to roll her eyes but instead she sighed in amusement. Damn her cute, lovable son.
"The one time I let your Uncle Lucas see you in a week, and he gets you sick on candy," she said as she scratched his hair gently over and over again.
Jamie's eyes widened in worry. "Don't be mad at Uncle Lokus, momma! I tricked him with my charms to let me eat all the Halloween candy. It's my fault, momma, my fault!"
"Oh," she chuckled as she rubbed his stomach. He cuddled further into her. "Okay, baby. I won't be mad at Uncle Lucas since it was your fault." She kissed his head and squeezed him tight. She closed her eyes when he squeezed back.
No matter how chaotic her life got, this is what mattered the most for her. Her son was her number one priority. She wished Lucas would see that. She knew he meant well. But singing was dead to her, like Nathan. She had to be a mother and a father to her son and she was perfectly fine with giving up her life for her son. Why couldn't Lucas understand that?
Jamie stayed tucked into her side and she vowed silently that she wasn't going to put herself before her son. Look at them, now. Jamie had a stomach ache because he ate too much candy. She had to take care of him, not worry about singing. When the thought came across, Haley subconsciously flitted her eyes opened and automatically seeked out the manila folder mocking her at the kitchen table. She gave an irritated sigh. She felt extremely horrible that Lucas wasted all that money but her mind was already made up. Jamie needed her, so singing was dead. She would go to the audition but she would blow it. Her son deserved more.
"Momma?"
"Yes, baby?" She looked down to see Jamie looked at her for a second before he grabbed her hand and started smoothing his index finger on her soft skin.
"Why are you sad?"
"What? I'm not sad, baby."
"You sound like it. That sigh. Are you still mad at Uncle Lokus?"
"No, baby. I'm just a little disappointed in him."
"Why?"
"Because he doesn't know how to take no for an answer. He just wants Momma to chase her dreams and that's not an option right now."
"You can run in your sleep?" His eyes were wide in astonishment. Haley couldn't help but chuckle.
"Not those dreams, baby. When you grow older, you'll have dreams about your future. Something that interests you and that you're very passionate about. This dream will make you who you are. But when you're a big boy."
"Momma?"
"Yes, baby?"
"What's your dream?"
Jamie tucked himself back into her side. He didn't see the small, sad smile her body involuntarily gave. "Singing," she said.
"I miss your singing."
"Do you want me to sing you to sleep every night like I used to?"
"Yeah, but I miss your singing every day. And I want to see you on TV. Momma, the world deserves to hear you sing."
"Jamie," she said, frowning. She pulled his chin up so he could look at her. "Did your Uncle Lucas put you up to this?"
His eyes widened and his lips perused. "Nooooo," he said. Haley thought he looked so innocent and guilty at the same time.
Her voice was firm. "James Lucas Scott."
"Okay, yes, but don't be mad at him. He can't take it. And neither can I. I want you on TV, Momma, so I can brag."
"Brag about what, baby?"
"I wanna go to pre-school and tell anybody who would listen – 'cause I'm cute so they will – that my Momma is on TV singing bootiful. You're bootiful, Momma, and you make angels cry when you sing. I want to tell everyone that and Uncle Lokus says that's bragging, so I want to brag!" He sounded so indignant after his little speech and he even pouted.
Haley felt the tears pricking in her eyes and she had to close them and laugh before she gave a response. "Oh, baby. Thank you."
Jamie sighed as he collapsed her lap. "You take my breath away when you sing, Momma. I just want to share that with the world. And maybe you'll make people smile when you sing. And maybe you'll smile too."
"I smile all the time, baby."
"Only when you're with me."
"Jamie, it's because I love you. You're the only thing I need," she grabbed his face when she said that.
Jamie never gave her his signature shy grin or cute smile. He looked dead serious and a little sad. "Uncle Lokus says that's unconditionnnell love. It's required for you. Momma, when you sing, you smile. And maybe the world needs that. Maybe the world wouldn't be so sad if you just smiled. You could be a hero and I could proudly say my Momma saved the world with a smile. And you'll start smiling to strangers again."
A tear rolled down her cheek. Jamie maneuvered back into her side and nestled his head on the side of her boob. "I just want the world to see how amazing you are, Momma," he said.
Something caught in her throat and it was hard to swallow. She kissed the top of his head and untangled him from her. "Let me get something for your stomach, baby," she said, barely in a whisper.
She went into the bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet, took out the kids version of Pep-Tol Bismal, sat it on the edge of the sink, looked at the mirror, and then cried into her hands.
November 3, 2008 – The Northwest
Sweat blurred his vision. He was back in the gym today and acted like nothing has changed. He worked out without a spotter and lifted weights outside the suggested weight to bulk up just in case Dante's goons decided to get physical. He's seen Tony since that day but a glare seems to keep him at bay. It was good that Tony was keeping his distance but he was still there. That didn't ease Nathan's conscience.
Nathan kept to his routine. He lifted weights non-stop until he felt his muscles give out and even then he prayed that what happened four days ago would happen again. But no, the pain receptors in his brain would scream and he would actually pay attention even though he hated himself for listening.
He counted his reps in his head as he let his mind wander to Tony. He needed a plan to get Tony off his back. Tony might've not mentioned anything in the past four days but Nathan has noticed his lurking. Tony showing concern would definitely tip off Dante's goon. He had no idea when they were watching, in fact, he had no idea they tailed him on away games until Tony mentioned shadows. That's when the fear flowed regularly in his bloodstream. He grunted as pushed the weight away from him then lowered the bar in that controlled pace. If only his life was that smooth.
What to do? What could he do to get Tony off his back? His teammate was very concerned for his health and he could fake it by giving charming smiles but he had a feeling Tony could sense he was that type of guy and wouldn't fall for it. Besides, he had no energy whatsoever to be that boy again. He was that boy who got his wife to smile shyly at him on their "first" date when he arrived late and gave her a Cracker Jack bracelet as an apology. He closed his eyes when his mind involuntary went back to that day. Tears formed in his eyes.
His heart broke every time he thought of Haley. His beautiful wife with an equally beautiful son was all alone in North Carolina. He hoped his brother stepped up. No, he knew Lucas would take care of his family but this guilt would never go away. Even if he somehow, someway escaped this mess, could he even go back? Could he even explain his stupidity and beg forgiveness? On his knees wouldn't even begin to cover all the hurt and pain he's caused. He knew damn well he didn't deserve it. Did he finally break Haley in every possible way and she wouldn't be herself? He always wondered if he finally did the most despicable thing where even his forgiving wife would never lift his condemnation.
His tears mixed in with the sweat but he still pumped the bar up and down.
"Dude, are you crying?"
The weight almost crushed him again. Only his luck the same bad thing would happen to him twice in four days. His arm buckled and he wheezed panic before the bar was lifted and set in place in the holder. He looked up to see who was his savior and frowned.
Of course Tony would be the one to save him for the second time in four days. Then Nathan cursed himself for being distracted. He was supposed to think of ways to get rid of his teammate but then his thoughts directed at his wife and he showed a moment of weakness. Fuck, man!
"You seriously need to stop stalking me," Nathan said as he got up.
"Keith, if you would just—"
"No! What part of 'leave me alone' don't you understand? I don't want your friendship; I don't want your help. There is nothing to help! And what is this, huh? All the sudden you care? Three and half years we have sat at that same bench together eight months out of the year and not once did you say a goddamn word! What am I, some charity case for the Black community?"
"No, man, I just needed the courage to talk to you. You've been in this downward spiral since I met you. And I should've spoke up sooner, I know, man, I'm sorry. But you're acting paranoid; you got dudes stalking you—"
"Stop! Look, for your own good, leave me alone. You can't save me; mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, you can't. Leave it be. I mean it, before you're dead, before we're both dead."
"Keith, let me help, I know people…"
Nathan, help! Please! Don't let them do this! He physically blanched when he saw Haley bloodied and bruised and his son, a faceless figure, laid dead, his body in a twisted manner. Haley cradled him, holding his head so he could he see him. A bullet hole was clear in the middle of his forehead.
Please! You were supposed to protect us! Her crying muffled most of plea and Nathan went to comfort her when Dante's shadowed figure suddenly appeared and he pushed him down in a barely flick of his finger. He looked up to see him loading a Mac-10.
This is your fault, Nathan. Your wife and child are dead because you let Tony Battle get in your business. This is your fault.
Nathan looked at Haley's crying face. He opened his mouth to tell her everything would be all right but then her screams filled his ears as he witnessed bullet fly into her body and stop snug like they belonged inside her body. Her body draped over their son.
"Keith? Keith, are you okay? Keith!"
Nathan shook his head and opened his eyes to see Tony, once again, hovered over him. In a blind panic, he realized he must've fell into the wall and slid down once the image conjured before him when Tony mentioned he could help. That was his worst nightmare. His family would be killed if his teammate got involved. Anger filled his body. He would never let that happen.
He suddenly stood up and gripped his hands into fists. Tony subtly back away once he caught his eyes and was smart enough to back away from the terror he saw. But Nathan wasn't going to let him get away.
"I'm sorry to resort to this," he said before he swung.
His right fist connected to Tony's left cheekbone and he went down unconscious. It was one knockout punch and Nathan wasn't proud. He stared at his teammate, who laid still, and he hoped he got a black eye. It would be the best warning he could muster at the time.
"Stay away from me," he said. "It's the best for the both of us. You can't save me."
Nathan walked away and spent the rest of his evening lying wide awake in his bed. He ignored Dante's message and closed his eyes. He tried to think of the happy times he had with his wife before everything went to shit. The best he could do was imprint on her beautiful smile.
November 5, 2008 – The East Coast
That damn manila folder mocked her. It laid on the dining room table ever since Lucas dropped it off last week and she avoided it like her life depended on it. But it was getting harder and harder to avoid it ever since her son gave her that speech.
She cried her eyes out that night and ghostly smiled the next day when Jamie asked her if she was okay. She reassured him and ignored his concerned face as she pretended everything was fine. Jamie didn't believe her and resorted to telling Lucas who in turned called her and his voice was filled with sympathy. She honestly couldn't handle it so his questions were answered in snide remarks.
She was still a little mad.
But her son got to her. He wanted her to sing and she couldn't say no to her son. No one could say no to Jamie – because he was so damn endearing, and the boy knew it. He was already used it to his advantage and his personality reminded her of Nathan. But she stopped the thought right there.
Nathan didn't deserve her thoughts. He was never coming back. So she concluded that Jamie learned his charms from his uncle. Damn the Scott boys.
Jamie was asleep in his annual nap. Haley sat curled in the couch and once again glanced at the damn manila folder instead of the TV where she was absently listening to Divorce Court. This time, she stared at the thing for a while.
What's the harm in at least trying? Damn it, she thought. Lucas get out of my head.
She was slowly crumbling, she had to admit. The stress of being a single mother and going to school was starting to play on her insanity. Maybe she could gain back some kind of semblance if she sang. It was only national television. If they said no, it wasn't the end of the world. Hell, her husband walked out, what are 30 million people witnessing her rejection going to do?
She could at least try, if anything, for her son.
Haley got up and walked towards the manila folder. She sat back down on the couch with the folder in hand and turned it over to open it. She pulled out several documents and read through them and realized Lucas only filled out one sheet and all that waited was her signature. The rest was just the procedure process of the audition. She had to register two days before the audition the closet one was in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and in two weeks.
Holy shit.
She picked up her cell phone on the coffee table.
"Lucas," she said. "Hey, do you think you can take Jamie for the next week during the afternoons? I'm gonna need to pick out a song and practice for American Idol."
November 6, 2008 – The Northwest
Three days since he punched his teammate and he was surprised he didn't get a suspension from the coaches. Tony kept quiet; if anyone asked he would just mumble something about a sucker punch in a bar. Everyone was surprised Tony was the type to go to bars since all he ever talked about was his wife. That was another reason why Nathan avoided him for three and half years. The pain was unbearable when Tony talked about how in love he was with his fiancée in the beginning.
So Nathan kept up his duties. Tony would sometimes make eye contact with him when they were on the court or in the locker room but he was nowhere to be seen in the weight room. So Nathan kept his workout routine in peace for three days.
But he should've known his life would never be "on track." Just because Tony kept his distance physically didn't mean a safe haven. When Nathan got home, he found a letter slipped under his door. His heart skipped one beat when he thought of the possibility that maybe – just maybe – Haley found him and wrote in a letter that she forgave him and the contents of the letter was her begging that he come back home and get to know his son.
He shook his head. There was no way. If Haley ever did find him, she wouldn't have sent a letter and she wouldn't have forgiven him. She'd probably show up with a baseball bat and beat his head in if ever found him. He definitely deserved it.
Instead, the letter had sixteen words and it was signed with a simple tee.
Shit.
I'm not giving up. I know you need help, and when you're ready, I'll be here.
Nathan closed his eyes and slumped against his door. He held his tears for five minutes before the tiredness of his body gave up on him. He sank to the floor and cried.
The plot thickens. Hope you guys enjoyed and I'll be hard at work writing the next chapter to Each Other's Comfort and soon this one too lol.
CAli