It Never Seems Chapter 5 The Process, an one tree hill fanfic

It Never Seems

I highly suggest you listen to this song while reading Haley's singing in the third break. Ignore the rap part. This is exactly how Haley would sing it. For some reason, fanfiction will not post youtube links. So, unfortunately, let's do this the long way.

http:/ / youtube .com / watch?v=2B50RUXbs-8 (delete the spaces once you've copied in the URL)

Also, I know the song was made in 2010 and this story is set in 2008-2009. Let's ignore that silly little concept for the sake of fiction, yes?

The ball picks up after this chapter. Prepare to be blown. Enjoy.

CAli

Ch. 5 – The Process

November 5, 2008 – The East Coast

Even though she agreed, she dreaded it. She hasn't practiced since her husband left and the piano in the corner of the living room collected dust. There was a reason why it was in the corner and Haley was perfectly content with why. She never had to look at it. Looking at the piano reminded her of the first time she played for her husband when they were dating and how much she loved music. She hasn't held a single note for three years and here she was, about to audition for a popular singing talent show all because her son used his charm on her.

So she dreaded it. She dreaded just how much she was out of touch, how much she might just fall in love with it again. She remembered when she chose music over her husband and thought at the time that was the most she was hurt and was always hesitant to go back to the one thing that briefly broke up her marriage. Ironic how he left and here she was, staring at the old piano with cleaning spray and a cloth, and thought this was the most hurt she felt in her entire life. Her husband left and destroyed her self-worth to love music again.

She dreaded if she gave music another chance, she would love it and once again choose it over her family; this time over her son.

A tear escaped the corner of her eye and she quickly wiped it. She cursed her husband. She once loved music, but she realized she loved him more and made a mistake then turned it to a promise. Music would never come before her family. Yet her family, her son, wanted her to love music again. It was a tortured cycle and she blamed her husband for making her afraid.

Rationally, nothing would come before her son. But this retched piano and the memory of her husband encouraging then destroying her love for music flared all the insecurity. She dreaded starting music again, but the encouragement over-powered. Her best friend, her son, and even her husband encouraged. She remembered that horrible storm where her husband revealed he followed her tour even though he was extremely hurt and angry at her leaving.

I was so proud of you. Never give up music, Hales.

She told herself this wasn't her husband's doing. This was her son's doing. Jamie wanted her to sing again. She was doing this for her son. So she pushed that memory away and did the first step.

She wasn't ready to play but she was ready to clean the damn thing.

November 7, 2008 – The Northwest

He wasn't happy, but accepted that Tony Battle wasn't going to leave him alone. But that didn't mean he had to talk to him. He silently accepted that Tony lurked in the weight room and walked with him to his car in the desolate parking garage. He even sighed like it was the world's biggest inconvenience when he found out Tony was going to be his roommate in the road games at the blurred hotels.

But he never said a word.

Nathan made it known that Tony was nothing more than a fly that never left him alone and he hoped Dante's goons saw that. Dante confronted him about Tony. Nathan simply gave him a vacant look and said if Dante trusted him a smudge, Tony wouldn't be around. He warned his teammate knew shady men trailed him which brought great concern. So in retro respect, it was Dante's fault he couldn't get rid of him.

That earned him a black eye. For a brief second, he was a wounded dog that took one beating too many. He felt fire burned in his irises as he kept his head down because of the impact. He breathed hard through his nose and clenched his right fist. He was ready to throw everything and charged. He bulked at least five pounds of muscle after the last visit and he knew he was bigger and stronger than Dante and his crew put together. He could be a crazy motherfucker and killed everyone and blame a psychotic breakdown.

But once again, the same thing that stopped him from killing himself stopped him from a homicidal rampage. His wife's face popped in his head; that terrified yet heartbroken look she gave him that accused he didn't protect his family while she cradled their dead's son head and his body laid despondent and full of gunshot holes.

So he stayed down and glared at everyone who opened their mouth to question the next day.

He never talked, but that didn't stop Tony from conversing. He talked about everything; from his family to his day to his likes and dislikes. They would lift weights while Tony talked and Nathan tried his hardest from snapping. After their regimen, Nathan would take a shower and would find the locker room empty. It was the only time he would find peace. He would sit at his cubby with only a towel wrapped around his waist and he would finger his wedding band he wore around his neck in a dog chain. He'd sigh and wish he didn't make a mistake. Then he would get dressed and hoped that maybe God existed and Tony wouldn't wait. But the moment he crossed the locker room threshold, there was Tony, leaned against the wall with his own duffel bag. He would straighten up once he saw Nathan and they silently would walk to their cars in the parking garage.

"Were you married once?" Tony asked.

"What?" Nathan frowned.

He turned around when he heard his teammate and was momentarily surprised that he entered the locker room this time. His body glistened by the droplets his hair dropped down his chest and stomach. He ignored the cooling feeling as his heartbeat picked up. Why did Tony have to be observant?

"The ring," he gestured at the simple gold band. "You never take it off."

"What does it matter to you?"

"Nothing, man. Just curious. Trying to get to know you."

"You know, I don't understand you. Three years, Tony. And now suddenly you want to know if I was married once?"

"You don't have to answer the question, man. I was just curious."

"I won't!"

The silence deafened until Tony mumbled an excuse to leave. Nathan hoped, prayed, even mumbled to himself several times that Tony left the building and wasn't just stalking him outside. He sat down on the wooden bench and sighed. He leaned back into his cubby until his head thunked against the back and sighed again. His finger went up to the chain and he fingered the ring. He licked his lips and closed his eyes as he remembered the night he proposed.

I want this.

I want you.

I can't stand the thought of you not being my wife another day.

Marry me.

Love me forever.

Love me always.

I will always be there to protect you.

Why can't forever start today?

Her beautiful lips slid against his. They stayed in his bed kissing until dawn. He couldn't stop touching her, constantly reminded himself that she was real. That she said yes, and she was going to marry him. It was real that they were going to ask her parents' permission and they were going to elope that night on the beach if they convinced her parents they were meant to be. It was real that he was going to be with her forever. He lucked out when he found Haley and he caressed every single inch of her skin as a promise that he would never let go. A promise that he would make her proud of him for being the best man to her and that he would always be there; be anything to her – a husband, a lover, a best friend, a protector, a supporter - just as long she would be with him until they died.

He opened his eyes. A tear leaked in the corner of his left eye. He lied; he couldn't be anything to her. He wiped the tear and took a couple of breaths before he got dressed and packed everything up. He hoped Tony left but he was right there the moment Nathan exited the locker room. He sighed and silently walked, Tony was in stride with him.

November 9th 2008 – The East Coast

Haley sat at the wooden bench and took a deep breath. She hesitated before she poised her shaky fingers above the appropriate keys. She spent two days obsessed with this song. She downloaded the song on her IPod, plugged in her headphones and only blasted her audition song when Jamie wasn't vying for her attention. The song played on replay until she got a good hang out of it. She watched YouTube videos of the lyrics and piano covers. She downloaded the sheet music and printed it. It laid straight in front of her on the piano but it was only until now she had the courage to practice it. Jamie was knocked out so there was nothing to stop her from practicing the song… except the courage to play the first note.

Something made her pause. Maybe it was stupid, but what if she played right here, right now, she would be choosing music again over her family. What if the love for music came rushing back that she would drown in her second chance and make the same mistake again? Her son was everything now; and music was something her husband always encouraged. Could she go back to something that ruined her life the first time around?

"There is one thing that would make me feel better," Nathan smirked at her.

She was on the other side of the counter at Karen's Café. It was quiet night in Tree Hill and her boss was probably enjoying a night in and Lucas was probably out brooding over Peyton and Brooke. It was just the two of them and she found herself liking the comfortable silence. They just went through some pretty tough drama, with Nathan collapsing, his parents divorcing, and him about to move out on his own. It was just the two of them and the way Nathan smiled at her made her giddy.

She smiled back and gave a flirty giggle before she went back to wiping down the bar that separated them. He sat there, continued to play with his coffee mug but still looked at her like she was the only one. He still gave that broad smirk every time she looked at him. Finally, she couldn't take his coyness any longer.

"And what is that?" She asked, with her hands on her hips. She tried to be affirmative but she knew she looked ridiculous.

Nathan silently got up, took the rag out of her hand, and led her to the piano in the corner of the store. He pushed down on her shoulders and made her sit on the wooden bench and he sat next to her. She huffed and started to protest.

"Nathan that one time was a mistake. You weren't supposed to—"she started but she was cut off with a single finger to her lips.

"Don't. You asked me what would make me feel better besides sex about the drama that's going on. You're beautiful when you play, Haley. This would make me feel better."

She harrumphed. "Fine."

She played one of her favorite songs before she met Nathan. The song was about falling in love and floating in the dreams that love created. She closed her eyes the whole time she played and was surprised that she wasn't nervous when she played in front of her boyfriend. When she played, she felt him all around her. He was physically holding her, yes, but she saw him in his mind and as cheesy as it sounded, she felt him in her heart also.

She shivered when she felt his long fingers traced her neck line and scooted some of her hair behind her ear. She felt both his hands wrapped around her shoulders, careful not to hold on tight so she wouldn't mess up the song. Her eyes still closed, she felt his head nestled into her crook of her neck. She felt his breath on her skin though her shirt as he breathed out and heard the wetness procured between his lips then wet, soft kisses pressed in a line where her neck met her shoulder.

She opened her eyes when she finished the lasting notes but it wasn't because the song ended. She opened her eyes because she felt wetness soaked through her shirt that covered her shoulder. It wasn't the kisses she felt when she sang the song. The wetness was thick and full of moisture and quickly absorbed in her shirt, unlike the dampness feeling his kisses left.

"Don't ever stop playing music," Nathan whispered, his voice raw.

And that's when she realized it. Nathan cried.

She opened her eyes at the memory. She looked down at the keys then slid her eyes towards the sheet music in front of her. She took a cleansing breath and read the musical notes. She pressed down on the first key but she held the note too long and it came out high-pitched. She cringed and immediately snatched her hand away.

Haley closed her eyes again. She told herself this wouldn't magically come to her. She stopped playing music the day after her husband left. Of course she was little out of practice. She took another breath and looked at the sheet music with determination. She poised her fingers over the appropriate keys again and with a slight tremble in her fingers, she tried again. This time the trinkle of notes came out in a smooth melody. The haunting tune drifted into her ears and she got the hang out it. She closed her eyes and played; soon enough her body swayed along with the beautiful heartbreak of the melody. With one last calming breath, she opened her mouth and sang.

On the first page of our story
The future seemed so bright
Then this thing turned out so evil
I don't know why I'm still surprised
Even angels have their wicked schemes
And you take that to new extremes
But you'll always be my hero
Even though you've lost your mind

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie

Now there's gravel in our voices
Glass is shattered from the fight
And this tug of war, you'll always win
Even when I'm right
'Cause you feed me fables from your head
With violent words and empty threats
And it's sick that all these battles
Are what keeps me satisfied

So maybe I'm a masochist
I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
Til the walls are goin' up
In smoke with all our memories

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

She played the lasting notes as her body slowed down with the rocking. She opened her eyes and felt tears slowly tracked down her cheeks and her finger stayed on the note before she lightly let it go and the note faded like her emotion in the song. Her breathing sped up a little through the exhilarating rush. Her throat felt raw on all the high pitch notes she sang but she found herself liking the pinched pain. Her body felt it. Everything was tingling with excitement and love. The passion was coming back and she felt her lips twitched into a smile.

"That was beautiful."

Haley gasped and turned her head to see Lucas leaned against the doorframe of her foyer that led into her living room. He looked so happy and sad at the same time.

"Lucas," she whispered.

He pushed himself off the wood and walked towards her with his hands in his jean's pockets. He plopped down beside her and took his hands out and reached out to hug her sideways. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he kissed her temple.

"It's okay to miss him," he said.

Immediately, the happiness she started to feel when she played for the first time disappeared and tears filled her eyes. The song was about her husband and with all the fears about music combined with this dormant feeling had her suddenly anxious. Anxiety hit like an unexpected force colliding with the side of her head. Why wasn't there common ground?

"I don't know what to feel about him," she brokenly sobbed. "I can't think about him because of Jamie and I have to be strong for my son. But when I do catch myself, I find myself torn hating him for leaving for basketball and missing him like crazy. Why can't he come back? Why can't he see our son? Why can't he see how much I need him? Then I realize it was our dreams that torn us apart. Music caused me to leave him."

"But you came back."

"And he didn't! Basketball caused him to leave and he hasn't come back. It's been three years, Lucas, and I gave up my dream to take care of son and I'm drowning!"

"Shh."

"He encouraged music, Lucas! He encouraged me to follow my dreams and have my family. Why couldn't he do the same? Why was it one or the other for him? Why do I love music so much but think about him? Why can't I have one or the other? Why does music remind me of him and all I want to do is hold on and forget."

For hours, all Lucas could do was held her. His shirt was ruined, but he didn't care. Haley was hurting and she needed all this out. She clutched his shirt in a death threat and uncontrollably sobbed and her body shook and hiccups started. Lucas never let go. His silent tears cursed his brother for leaving his wife so broken and angry and lost. Finally, the sobbing seized, the hiccups faded and all there was left was Haley's soft breathing and ever-so-often sniffle.

Lucas held on tighter. "The one good thing Nathan did was love you and encourage your music," he spoke softly into her hair.

"Lucas, please," she mumbled.

"No, look, I know you don't want anything to do with him or theories. And I still think the way he left is just off, but hear me out. Music represents everything you love about life, Hales. He was right to encourage you to pursue, even when it threatened your marriage. Even when you went on tour, even when he was angry, he still kept newspaper clippings of your success."

She remembered how she found out in that awful storm Tree Hill endured and they wound up making love in the rain and then all night in his bedroom.

"Wherever he is now, if he's playing ball or not, he would follow you like you're number one fan if he heard you sing. You can win American Idol, Hales. And if he heard you sing on national television, if he just heard the power of your voice again, then maybe, just maybe, he would come out of hiding. And then you'll get your answers. You'll get your closure. But I'm telling you, Haley, if you stop singing, the world will not be a better place. You'd be a fool not to share your talent with the world."

She stayed silent in his arms and he took that as a sign to rock her. She stayed in his arms until midnight, where she crawled out his arms and into her bed while Lucas crashed on the couch. She curled in the side of her bed and thought one word before she drifted off to sleep with a raw throat and puffy eyes.

Maybe.

November 9th 2008 – The Northwest

It rained, as usual. Dante loved the dreariness Seattle offered. He loved the darkness and gloom the depressing city offered. The mood powered his business. The environment allowed him to prey on the sadness gambling addicts and naïve desperate people reveled in. The fact that these people weren't good enough in life made it easy for Dante to manipulate. And it was so much better his office were stationed in a city that was famous for suicide rates. It was less stickiness to deal with when an addict lost everything.

And Nathan Scott? Well, he just entertained the hell out of him.

Speaking of which, Dante waited in the warehouse for his client. It was the monthly visit and he thought back of all the torture he put the young kid through the past three and half years. An evil grin spread across his face as he swung his chair in tiny left-right moves with his hands behind his head and legs propped on top of his bookie charts. Nathan Scott screwed him over on that basketball game but it wasn't a three-and-half grudge worth. No, he was still screwing with him because he loved drama and he loved the anger contempt Nathan glared his way every time he excerised his control over the tortured soul.

Dante knew since he was teenager when he raped that girl without a single remorse that he was a bad guy. He had no compassion and smiled like it was Christmas when someone cried because their life was over. And he took complete glee when Nathan Scott was just one second away from killing him but wouldn't do it because he stripped him as a man. He hoped his family, that bitch and his son, died of heartbreak.

Dante turned his head when the screeching noise echoed throughout the warehouse and his goons yelled he had his monthly visitor. He grinned wide and laughed when his visitor's footsteps echoed on the concrete floor. He chuckled and resumed a sitting position when the footsteps got louder and finally stopped in front of his desk and stuck out his hand.

The man wore a trench coat that was drenched and didn't shake the excess water that dripped onto his hands. He shook Dante's hand and Dante subtly wiped the water on his pants leg before he leaned back in his chair with the same happy smile.

"I'm not gonna ask how your trip was," Dante said.

"You never do," the man responded.

"But I am curious. Why do you come every month when it's the same answer?"

"And how is Nathan?"

"Same as every month. Looks like I killed his family and he wants to kill me for it."

His body tingled at the look of anger etched in his memory and Dante couldn't help but give in the manic obnoxious cackle. The man took off his fedora and shook the water out of his bangs. Same raven hair and blue eyes as Nathan's stared back at him with an evil smirk.

"Good."

"I'm curious, Dan. You said to keep Nathan under contract for four years. It's three-and-a-half. What are you gonna do if he stops playing ball and goes back to that bitch-cunt of his wife?"

"You stripped his soul, didn't you?" Dan asked.

"Had a hell of a time doing it," Dante smiled in a way that should've gave Dan Scott the chills, but Dan gave him the same sinister smile.

"Then that's all that matters. He proved her right; that he was me. He would never go back because he's ashamed. My job is done."

"You're one fucked up person, Dan Scott."

"And you're right along with me."

"That indeed. That indeed."

End chapter 5. Don't hate me. Review if you like. Song credit: Love the Way You Lie Part 2 - Rhianna ft. Eminem

CAli