Wires and Waves

Summary: 4x21. Rory has enough money for a cab and so doesn't call Dean for a ride home. Jess shows up too early and, while waiting outside her dorm, has a chance to re-think his proposal. Season 5 re-write: What if Rory stayed in touch with Jess throughout his transformation into the guy we see in Season 6?

A/N: Okay, so since it's literally been years since I've updated this (or written anything at all, for that matter), I imagine my readership is now at approximately zero. But after emerging from four years of the most intense studying of my life (shout out, university) and entering the super fun world of work, I just remembered fanfiction existed, and how much fun I used to have writing it. So, whether or not this is a shout into the void, I'm giving it another go. If anyone out there's still reading this, hope you enjoy! Sorry if my writing style has changed or anything – a lot can happen in four years…

A quick apology to continuity-pedants: the timing here is not always going to be completely true to the show, for the sake of the plot. Sorry! I'll always mention the episode to give a vague idea of where we are in the series, even though the plots won't always track.

Episode: A Messenger, Nothing More

Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did, this would be a lot better written.

If Rory thought she'd hit a low point romantically a few months ago, spending a summer watching European men flirt with her Grandmother served as a charming reminder that, no, there were indeed new depths to be plumbed. It's not like she felt she was putting the unavailable vibe out there – having narrowly avoided slipping back into the nostalgic trap of her first relationship while starting to dip her toes back into the troubled waters of her second, some kind of light flirtation was just the sort of palate cleaner she needed. But, as her mother liked to remind her, she had never really learned how to flirt or pursue, having just inadvertently fallen into one relationship after another. As a result, both at Yale and, it seemed, just in general, she seemed to be instantly recognised as the 'long term commitment girl', and as such spent the summer looking on with a mixture of amusement and embarrassment as man after man burst into rapturous laughter with Emily after some exchange in a language unbeknownst to her.

Perhaps because of this, or maybe even as a way of compensating for the Mariano-shaped hole that her first Europe trip had been built around, she'd been in fairly regular contact with Jess (not as much so as with Lorelai, of course, but he'd got a call from at least every place they'd visited, with a rundown of the best bookshops she'd found there). After the initial stages of their telephonic semi-friendship, they'd managed to settle quite nicely back into their groove of casual conversation, which she was quite happy with, as it provided her with all the fun of their original friendship without the complicated feelings that his actual physical presence conjured up in her, and without disturbing the deep pool of hurt and anger that anything deeper would stir up.

And so, when during their last stop in Rome Emily announced she was heading off to take her daily nap, Rory waited until she heard the soft thud of her Grandmother's bedroom door close behind her, and headed for the hotel phone, delaying her daily solo pilgrimage around the city to dial a number that she was only now beginning to use without feeling nervous as to what it may bring.

A few rings, and then the once again familiar voice sounded from a continent away, "Hey, Rory."

"You see an Italian dialling code and immediately assume it's me? Is your world so small, Mariano?" Rory replied, immediately taking on the teasing tone she favoured most when talking to him, both for the playful mood it conjured up and the comfortable distance it kept him at.

"What can I say, I'm just a city boy…"

"Born and raised in south Detroit?"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just quote Journey at me."

"As if you didn't know where that was going."

"I will deny all such allegations in a court of law." A brief pause, and then, "So, where are you now? Still in Venice?"

"No, now instead of watching my Grandma get hit on in a gondola I do so outside the Colosseum."

"I thought we barred your Grandmother's uncanny success rate with European men from our conversation at least three cities ago?"

"I'm sorry, it's just quite a sight to behold after so many years of seeing her and Grandpa's relationship as pretty much unshakeable," she said, before realising she was broaching slightly less casual waters than they were by then used to, and course correcting. "Anyway, apparently I'm a complete literary cliché because as soon as I stepped foot in Italy I started reading the Divine Comedy."

"Oh yeah? Figured out whereabouts I belong in the Inferno yet?"

"Oh, well, I think you can really take your pick – I think gnome stealing could get you a good shot at the ring of treachery, but then again faking the police outline could put you in with the forgers- oh and let's not forget violence against your fellow man, if snowmen can be counted as men," she joked, carefully skirting around the awkward topics of his actual counts of violence in the form of his brawls with Dean.

"And to top it all off I spent part of last year working in its physical manifestation."

"Come on, your smattering of New York jobs haven't been that bad, have they?"

"No, I mean, literally, that was the name of my Dad's food place in California: Dante's Inferno."

Rory was taken aback. This was the first time Jess had ever mentioned his father, or indeed anything that didn't pertain to his exact current circumstances; she didn't really know how to deal with a Jess that was suddenly comfortable talking about his past. Treading carefully, she asked, "Huh, and did it live up to its name?"

"It didn't have quite the small-town charm that I so loved at Luke's, but it wasn't so bad."

Rory pressed on, wondering how much she could glean from this unprecedented lowering of defences, "And how long did you work there for?"

"A couple of months, just long enough for my living situation with Jimmy to, predictably, crash and burn."

Again, Rory was completely blindsided. Not only a casual reference to his Dad but some actual real insight into his time there; what the hell had come over him? Trying not to betray her (admittedly pleasant) surprise, she continued, "I always wondered what happened with you in California, one minute you were there and then suddenly you're back in New York."

There was a pause, and this was where she expected the inevitable retreat; she had pushed too hard, and her reward would be a quick brush-off and, in all likelihood, a speedy exit from the call. But instead, shocking her even further, he replied, "The whole thing was kind of a mess. As you might recall, I wasn't in the best place when I left, and Jimmy wasn't really expecting me to suddenly show up like that. He's not a bad guy, really, and he has kind of gotten himself together since he left Liz, just not to the extent that he knows how to deal with a nineteen-year-old mess of a high school dropout showing up at his door."

Pushing through her third bout of shock and slowly adapting to this new reality in which Jess Mariano actually shared things with her, Rory kept her reply simple but sympathetic, "Still, that sucks, I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"I'm not."

"Oh yeah? How come?"

"Because I highly doubt I'd be talking to you right now if I hadn't come back."

Rory's breath caught in her throat. First the casual revelations about his time in California, and now this sudden emotional sincerity? As if they hadn't been crafting the perfect tone of light breeziness during all their conversations these past few months? In the end, all she could come up with was a feeble, "No, no I guess not," in response.

Jess seemed to realise he'd crossed some unspoken line, and the awkwardness of their first few conversations began to creep back into the ensuing pause. He cleared his throat, as if to shrug this off, "Anyway, I'm guessing you have some Roman exploring to do. I wouldn't want to eat too much into the precious Emily nap window."

Still recovering, Rory replied, "Yeah, you're right I should probably get going." Pulling herself together slightly, she continued, "Listen, since this is my last stop and all, I guess I'll call you once I'm back home?"

"Sounds good, enjoy your very own Roman Holiday," he quipped, though the awkwardness of the moment before still lingered.

"Bye, Jess."

"Bye, Rory."

Upon hearing the click of him hanging up, Rory let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding in. While their precarious light banter had gradually become navigable to her once again over the course of their phone conversations, that tiny foray into increased intimacy had brought her dangerously close to re-examining the romantic feelings for him that she'd so carefully filed away underneath that breezy banter. She resolved to leave it a few extra days before calling him again in the hopes that this would discourage any future offhand comments that would threaten to upset this careful balancing act of hers.

Not feeling quite up to taking on the city just after that, and being right next to the phone, she decided it was as good a time as any for her daily Lorelai call. She was surprised when her mother picked up her cell after a few rings; after the grand opening of the Dragonfly, Lorelai had been running around like a crazy person, and Rory was lucky to catch her on her first attempt at calling.

"Hello?" Lorelai answered, and Rory could tell from her somewhat reluctant tone that she'd seen the dialling code and was trying to ascertain which Gilmore was calling.

"Relax, Mom, it's me," Rory said, rolling her eyes affectionately at her mother's ongoing reticence to speak to Emily.

"Oh, thank God," Lorelai said, breathing a sigh of relief. "What with the general chaos of the inn, I'm not sure how much Emily my fragile disposition could take right now," she said, drifting into the tones of a southern damsel towards the end.

"Settle down, Blanche."

"Hey, you're in no position to be giving orders, traitor," Lorelai shot back, a humorous edge to her voice.

"Me? What did I do?"

"Oh, don't play innocent, I know somehow this is all a big conspiracy to leave me to go insane on my own all summer. First you jet off with my mother all summer-"

"Hey, you should be happy I'm keeping her a safe distance from you, you're the one who said post-separation Emily was somehow even more terrifying than the united front of Gilmore."

"And then!" Lorelai continued, undeterred, "Then Luke abandons me to swan around a Renaissance Fair for weeks on end, partying with Liz and TJ."

"Yes, that is exactly how he is spending his time, in his favourite place, with his favourite people," Rory replied, drily.

"Who am I supposed to do movie nights with? Michel?"

"If such a thing ever happens I want it all committed to video," Rory joked. She could practically hear her mother's pout over the phone, and continued with a conciliatory, "It's not like you're completely alone, you've got Sookie."

"Yes, and I love Sookie, but Sookie has a toddler, and do you know what quality of movie night you can have with a toddler in the room?"

"Thankfully, I do not."

"We watched Toy Story one and a half times and then they went home."

"Ouch," Rory replied in sympathy. "In retrospect I have no idea how you put up with me all those years ago."

"You, my dear, were a movie night prodigy," Lorelai replied, faux motherly pride creeping into her voice. "No sooner were you crawling than we were marathoning Molly Ringwald films together."

"Yes, because that sounds highly age appropriate."

"Anyway, moving on from how you've all heinously abandoned me," Lorelai began, and Rory sensed a new note of apprehension in her voice, "there's something you should probably know before you get back, kid."

For a second, Rory panicked, wondering if Lorelai had somehow found out about her conversations with Jess, before realising that didn't really gel with how her mother had introduced the topic, and relaxing a little. "Yes?"

"It's about Dean."

And suddenly a whole new vortex of dread opened up. How the hell had their only-just-aborted tryst managed to get out? Surely people couldn't gossip about something that hadn't actually happened? Trying to sound casual, she replied, "What about Dean?"

"Him and Lindsay, uh, appear to have taken a turn towards the Brad and Jen."

"Elaborate?"

"Sookie and I were walking through the town the other day and she was screaming and throwing his clothes out the window."

"What?"

"Yup, it turns out your generation, too, has chosen clothing defenestration as its breakup method of choice."

"Well, we're nothing if not traditionalists," Rory quipped nervously, sensing there might be more to come.

And, as expected: "There's more, kid…"

Combing her brain for how Lindsay could possibly have found out about something that never actually happened, Rory pressed with trepidation, "Yes?"

"From what little we could gather from patching together what she was yelling with the rumours that started spreading around the town immediately afterwards, the split seems to have something to do with you."

"With me?" Rory asked, mustering up all the shock she could manage.

"Apparently Dean wrote you some kind of letter, that Lindsay found and did not take kindly to at all."

"Oh, God," Rory groaned, her feigned curiosity and surprise crumbling at last.

"Want to fill any blanks for me there, kid?"

And so, Rory began the somewhat tortuous process of explaining what had almost happened with Dean that night, sparing no detail until she got to the aborted event itself, at which point she broke off.

Lorelai, barely restraining her shock at what she'd been told, together with relief that nothing had happened, prompted, "And?"

"And what?"

"What stopped you?"

At this point Rory's voice caught in her throat. For whatever reason (okay, for a number of reasons she knew perfectly well), she couldn't bring herself to mention Jess. As had been previously established, her and Jess' current dynamic was held together by the most delicate of threads, and she knew it couldn't withstand any maternal prodding, particularly when it came with the force to which Lorelai applied all matters relating to Jess. And so, stumbling slightly over her words, she replied, "I- I just couldn't go through with it. He's married, mom. Sure, he said he was separating, but isn't that what all married guys supposedly say?"

"That is what black and white movies would have us believe, yes."

"And even if he hadn't been, looking back on it I've come to see it would have been a mistake anyway. What with the sudden change of moving to Yale, and floundering a bit romantically last year, together with, erm," she stopped herself from mentioning the various patches of emotional turbulence that had come with Jess' abrupt departure and various reappearances that year, "other stuff, I think I was just reaching for what was safe and comfortable and mistaking that for love."

"Wow, sounds like you've got everything nicely figured out."

"Yes, I am just a font of romantic wisdom."

"Well, I've got to say thanks, kid, for sparing Mommy the whole 'adultery is wrong' speech."

"Yes, entertaining as that would have been, I think all in all a bullet was dodged."

"Agreed," Lorelai replied. There was a pause as Rory heard a voice on the other end of the line calling her Mom, after which Lorelai returned, "Sorry, kid, I'm being sucked back into the black hole that is my sad, desolate life here."

"And, I repeat: settle down, Blanche."

"See how we've come full circle?"

"Bye, Mom," Rory said, with a chuckle.

"Bye, kid."

Well, if anything, that conversation had definitely given Rory something to think about that wasn't Jess. She was already eyeing up the calendar warily, picturing what awkward scenes she might be coming back to now that Lindsay knew about…well, not about anything substantial, but that she had definitely had a major role in driving them apart. Noticing the time, Rory tried her best to shrug off the various alarming revelations that had come with her phone calls that day, and stepped out into the city to enjoy what was left of her window of freedom.

A/N: Please review. Or don't – as I said it's fun for me just to write these. Having said that, reviews are always a lovely surprise, and it'd be nice to know if there's still an audience for this fic after so long, so if you have a moment it'd be much appreciated :)